Christmas and plan B.. - Marriage Builders® Forums

I wanted to impose upon the wisdom of the forum one more time...I'm in plan B. WS insists she's done.Om is .... just eveything right now.But, just a friend.She wanted to know what I wanted to do about Christmas. It's her scheduled day. She asked about doing it together. I said no. She asked about Christmas eve. In her mind, I would take 'em and bring them back that evening so they could wake up with her.She was blaming, I wasn't answering fast enough, the whole respect thing..she said I'm trying to make it sound like she had an agenda..I said I wouldn't be talked to that way.. I don't want to further enable her. This is her dream, and I choose not to give her any more power over decisions that influence me.I don't know what to do about the kids.. 3 and 8..to follow her model..I said in my mind I would see them on my next scheduled day, which is Thursday..I have a hard time right now pretending to be a family.I feel her betrayal and lies are just huge.Since she felt she was getting one word answers, and I wasn't answering fast enough,I would send her an e-mail response..To be honest, I greatly resent the impact of her actions on our family, and really don't want to make things easy for her.That doesn't mean to punish the kids or go out of my way to be difficult, either.. I do miss her and our family, she's moved on.
Any thoughts??[ December 18, 2001: Message edited by: Family Man ]

Hey Dan!I think you'll be able to relate to this thread. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=34&t=005213Take care and good look,ANNA

Anna - thanks!With safety as an issue for you, the issues become clearer, to me.I hope you do have a great holiday..[ December 18, 2001: Message edited by: Family Man ]

Dan,Well, even though safety isn't your issue, in some respects it is, because you don't want her verbal abuse or munipulations at Christmas time. I think it's just like you said on your thread, not letting her control your thoughts, actions or words any longer. She even wants to control your timing. Sheesh! [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] C'ya,ANNA

[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: MMMMM ]

Dan, This is such a hard time and tough situation for many of us here. What the heck do you do with Christmas? I thought I was pretty smart when we were going through the divorce process and making holiday schedules, WRONG. In retrospect I should of split the holiday somehow, luckily for me my X wants to go out of town for a week and with our visitation she was forced to bargain with me for time. So here is what I’m doing with my girls (12, 9, & 6).I have them this weekend through 8:30pm Christmas Eve then they getting up Christmas morning at their mom’s and leaving for a week (I tried to get her to let me have them for 30 minutes on Christmas morning but she wouldn’t go for it.) So after asking around and giving this some thought I’ve decided that we’ll open presents early afternoon on Christmas Eve. Around 5:30pm we’ll go for a drive to look a Lights. When we return there will be a letter from Santa on the door explaining that I wrote him and he decided to come early since they won’t be there in the morning. Of course, someone will have come over and set-up all the presents and stuffed the stockings.It’s not the best scenario but you have to work with what you’re dealt in these situations. And for the kids you have to swallow these hard times, compromise, and put on a happy face. You would be surprised how much of child’s disappointment is merely a reflection of what they’ve seen in their parent’s eyes. Make the season special for them, start some new traditions, but most importantly show them what you want them to reflect back to you, love and happiness.Best of luck to you!Hugs, Thoughts, and Prayers

Hey All- thanks! I sent her an e-mail asking to split the day on Christmas. If she doesn't go for that I'll go w Christmas Eve ( thanks Bill!)I just played a hunch after we hung up. She lives @ 30 seconds away.. so I went there and there was his car..To me , this drama was played for him! ( Why isn't your machine picking up..why can't I reach you, I've been trying for....why aren't you answering fast enough..I'm talking to you.. you talk and I'll just listen..)What a b!tch.And she wants me to come over on the morning of the 25th. Can you imagine? And she bought me a gift. I don't want to seem ungrateful.. (LOL!)I don't understand the hate, I just want it away from me! <blockquote>quote:<hr>Well, even though safety isn't your issue, in some respects it is, because you don't want her verbal abuse or munipulations at Christmas time. I think it's just like you said on your thread, not letting her control your thoughts, actions or words any longer. She even wants to control your timing. Sheesh<hr></blockquote>Wise woman...DanHey Bill..c'mon over, we'll grab some steak and beer, or maybe lobster, and celebrate the good Lord's birth.. BTW, I live in Jersey![ December 19, 2001: Message edited by: Family Man ]

<blockquote>quote:<hr>Originally posted by Family Man:
To me , this drama was played for him! ( Why isn't your machine picking up..why can't I reach you, I've been trying for....why aren't you answering fast enough..I'm talking to you.. you talk and I'll just listen..)What a b!tch.
Hey Bill..c'mon over, we'll grab some steak and beer, or maybe lobster, and celebrate the good Lord's birth.. BTW, I live in Jersey!<hr></blockquote>That's quite funny. You see my X will only be controntational when she is alone now. She wants her little Boy Toy to think she's a real sweet heart. Actually, it's kinda cool when go to school functions and she brings him along because I can say anything I want and she'll just pretty much shut up and take it.Beer and steak sounds great but toto and I looked at a map and Jersey along way from Kansas.Let us know what response you get from your e-mail.Bill

<blockquote>quote:<hr>Originally posted by LostHusband:

That's quite funny. You see my X will only be controntational when she is alone now. She wants her little Boy Toy to think she's a real sweet heart. Actually, it's kinda cool when go to school functions and she brings him along because I can say anything I want and she'll just pretty much shut up and take it.Bill<hr></blockquote>LOL!!!!!!!How funny!!!!Use this to the max! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ANNA

Hi Dan- I think you are wise to plan b through christmas with her being involved with OM and having her around all the time, etc... boy toy... I am sorry that you are hurting.I know it must be hard to plan b. I really like the post about getting off the pbone if they , ws, start to be disrespectful... I am so tired of being disrespected.. but I have been too, I have to admit..Stop lbing if you can, since you still wish for the marriage and want her back, maybe if she dropped him anyway.. I know it is really hard.. but i realized today, all my lbing is making it harder and hardr for us to reconcile... and a lot of the lbing is in response to my H being in the affair... Go figure, wonder why I lbed, but that still does not help my or your marraige.I know you are angry , and you may care less.. but if she and the om, don't work out... maybe a plan b, with polite contact when necessary is better than one with lb's to keep her memory of you in plan a... behind that of missing you...Just a thought... my H wants to come over on christmas, and pretty much thought he could... he told me I better have the hosue spotless or he will not come... OH PLEASE, I did not even invite him... I told him that which I guess was an lb, because it probably could help to have him here... but it will break my heart to see him leave , as it does daily.... ior when I see him...PRay and be strong... go to church if you are not, this is really helping me sooo much./ Have the lord there with you in this awful time.I am thinking of you and praying for you.L [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]