JokeZ - Let's Laff For A Change... (Sauron) - Marriage Builders® Forums

[ February 03, 2003, 07:38 PM: Message edited by: Sauron ]

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in
an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at
first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men
say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come
once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and
pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.
"In this............

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a
justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

This is funny stuff-tell us some more!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

OK this is a very childish joke, but I like it...

A man goes into a pub with a giraffe for a drink. "Bar tender, a pint for myself and a pint for the giraffe please" The barman looks at him, but serves him the drinks. 15 minutes later, the man goes back to the bar, "Bar tender, a pint for myself and a pint for the giraffe please". The barman serves him again. 3 hours later, both the man and the giraffe are absolutely roaring drunk and the giraffe falls over.

The barman says to the man "Here, you can't leave that lying there", and the man slurs

"Issa snot a lion, issa girraffe"

I know, really bad......

Lisa

[ February 03, 2003, 07:38 PM: Message edited by: Sauron ]

[ February 03, 2003, 07:39 PM: Message edited by: Sauron ]

okay, this one is kinda cute!!!

The Potato Garden
An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden,
but it was very hard work. His only son Bubba, who used to help him, was
in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his
predicament. Dear Bubba, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I
won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too
old to bedigging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles
would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad!
For HEAVEN'S SAKE, Dad, DON'T DIG UP THE GARDEN!!!! THAT'S WHERE I
BURIED THE GUNS!!!!! Love, Bubba At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen FBI
agents and local police officers howed up and dug up the entire area
without finding any guns.

They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now.
It's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love, Bubba

That's cute.

[ February 03, 2003, 07:40 PM: Message edited by: Sauron ]

Skeleton walks into a Bar... with a mop and a bucket.

Once upon a time there lived a king.
The king had a beautiful daughter,
the princess.

But there was a problem.
Everything the princess touched would melt.
No matter what;
metal,
wood,
stone,
anything she touched would melt.
Because of this, men were afraid of her.
Nobody would dare marry her.
The king despaired.
What could he do to help his daughter?
He consulted his wizards and magicians.
One wizard told the king,
"If your daughter touches one thing
that does not melt in her hands,
she will be cured."

The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.

The next day,
he held a competition.
Any man that could bring his daughter an
object that would not melt would marry her
and inherit the king's wealth.
Three young princes took up the challenge.

The first prince brought a sword of the finest steel.

But alas,
once the princess touched it,
it melted.
The prince went away sadly.

........................................
The second prince brought diamonds.

He thought diamonds are the hardest substance
in the world and would not melt.
But alas,
once the princess touched them,
they melted.
He too was sent away disappointed.

..........................................

The third prince approached.
He told the princess,
"Put your hand in my pocket and feel what
is in there."
The princess did as she was told,
though she turned red.

She felt something hard.
She held it in her hand.

And it did not melt!!!

The king was overjoyed.
Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.
And the third prince married the princess
and they both lived happily ever after.

Question:

What was in the prince's pants?

(Scroll down for the answer)

V

V

V

V
M&M's of course.
They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

What were you thinking? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street, pronounced (Peek'aboo),is not just an athlete, she is also a nurse who currently works in the
Intensive Care Unit (I.C.U.) of a large metropolitan hospital.

She is a fine nurse, however, Picabo (Peek'aboo) is not permitted to answer the telephone because too much confusion ensues when she answers the phone and says..... "Picabo, I.C.U."

[ February 03, 2003, 07:41 PM: Message edited by: Sauron ]

ny 12yo d wants to know why I was laughing.

You're right, you know.

[ February 03, 2003, 07:42 PM: Message edited by: Sauron ]

[ February 03, 2003, 07:43 PM: Message edited by: Sauron ]

Check out Honey you were right.

A state trooper noticed a car puttering along at 22 mph. So he turned on his lights and pulled the driver over. Approaching the car, he noticed that five old ladies were inside, and they looked wide-eyed and terribly pale.

The driver pleaded with him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was driving according to the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous."

"I beg to differ, sir, I was following the speed limit exactly: 22 miles per hour!" the old woman said.

The state police officer, chuckling, explained to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, ma'am, I have to ask: Is everyone in this car okay? These women seem awfully shaken," the officer asked.

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 119."

[ February 03, 2003, 07:43 PM: Message edited by: Sauron ]

My son shared this today and he was so surprised he finally had a joke I hadn't heard when I was his age.

Q: What do polar bears eat for lunch?

A: Iceburgers.

(altogether now: groan)

[ February 03, 2003, 07:43 PM: Message edited by: Sauron ]