update from an oldie - 01/15/03 01:45 AM
Hello friends,
It seems like I haven't been here in ages. I just wanted to send a quick update about where I've been.
I started my new job in August and closed my daycare business down. I also relocated to the 1000 Islands area, and in October, I remarried.
In December I graduated from college with my second degree in IT and a 4.0 GPA. I have to tell anyone who is going thru this whole affair business, that returning to school did wonders for me. It got me out and around people again. It gave me a sense of direction , helped me keep my mind off the exH and the affair, and I did something for me, that no one can take away. No one helped me, I did it alone. I would definetly recommend it to anyone.
It wasn't easy. As a single mom with 3 kids, I worked 50 hours a week, took the kids to a night daycare, stayed up all hours studying and barely slept. But it was a small price to pay for the future we can have when I have a much better job.
Marriage is going great for me. I'm not naive. I know that affairs can destroy a marriage and I know that second marriages have a larger failure rate, but this time I also know about needs, and that it's ok for me to have my needs met too. It's ok to receive and not just to give.
My exH continues to remain with OW yet they never married. The engagement that hurt me so deeply 3 years ago, is just nonexistent at this point. Supposedly he is never going to marry her because he says "why buy the cow when the milk is free", (his words, not mine).
Recently, exH lied to the court and told them I took kids out of county without his knowledge, it was total lies, but I was ordered to drive 3 hours each way for all the visits.
Last week, it was reversed, we now meet half way. ExH lost all holiday visitation (remember, he left on Christmas, served papers on Vday, ignored kids on all holidays?), I got a judgement for all back support, and on top of it, I was granted sole custody and right to make all decisions on my own. It was the major victory I needed 3 years ago when I divorced.
I just wanted to let my friends know I'm ok. I made it . I made it past affairs, plan a, plan b, other women, all of it. In the end, I still own a house, I ran a successful business, and I remarried. My ex is suffering a miserable existence and is so much worse off in every way of his life.
OW still doesn't let him talk to me much about OUR children, but my husband is their primary male role model now. I gave up a few months ago when my middle daughter was being tested for leukemia and lymphoma and my exH wouldn't get involved for the sake of comforting daughter's fears and being a real dad.
Thankfully it was a bad case of mono that tricked us on blood tests but we're all still recovering from the scare.
I know that there are new people here every day. Looking for help. Answers to the affair, how to get the ex back, or just for comfort.
I discovered MB just 2 days after ex left and I don't think I'd have survived without it, literally.
I want other people who come here to know that Plan A and B are great, but if you can't make the marriage work, once you finally give up and make peace over it, and just let it go, there is a better life out there.
And the principles in MB work in any relationship, I think it's a great concept.
Prayers and hugs to you all, It took 3 years, but it's finally in the past,
Dana B.
It seems like I haven't been here in ages. I just wanted to send a quick update about where I've been.
I started my new job in August and closed my daycare business down. I also relocated to the 1000 Islands area, and in October, I remarried.
In December I graduated from college with my second degree in IT and a 4.0 GPA. I have to tell anyone who is going thru this whole affair business, that returning to school did wonders for me. It got me out and around people again. It gave me a sense of direction , helped me keep my mind off the exH and the affair, and I did something for me, that no one can take away. No one helped me, I did it alone. I would definetly recommend it to anyone.
It wasn't easy. As a single mom with 3 kids, I worked 50 hours a week, took the kids to a night daycare, stayed up all hours studying and barely slept. But it was a small price to pay for the future we can have when I have a much better job.
Marriage is going great for me. I'm not naive. I know that affairs can destroy a marriage and I know that second marriages have a larger failure rate, but this time I also know about needs, and that it's ok for me to have my needs met too. It's ok to receive and not just to give.
My exH continues to remain with OW yet they never married. The engagement that hurt me so deeply 3 years ago, is just nonexistent at this point. Supposedly he is never going to marry her because he says "why buy the cow when the milk is free", (his words, not mine).
Recently, exH lied to the court and told them I took kids out of county without his knowledge, it was total lies, but I was ordered to drive 3 hours each way for all the visits.
Last week, it was reversed, we now meet half way. ExH lost all holiday visitation (remember, he left on Christmas, served papers on Vday, ignored kids on all holidays?), I got a judgement for all back support, and on top of it, I was granted sole custody and right to make all decisions on my own. It was the major victory I needed 3 years ago when I divorced.
I just wanted to let my friends know I'm ok. I made it . I made it past affairs, plan a, plan b, other women, all of it. In the end, I still own a house, I ran a successful business, and I remarried. My ex is suffering a miserable existence and is so much worse off in every way of his life.
OW still doesn't let him talk to me much about OUR children, but my husband is their primary male role model now. I gave up a few months ago when my middle daughter was being tested for leukemia and lymphoma and my exH wouldn't get involved for the sake of comforting daughter's fears and being a real dad.
Thankfully it was a bad case of mono that tricked us on blood tests but we're all still recovering from the scare.
I know that there are new people here every day. Looking for help. Answers to the affair, how to get the ex back, or just for comfort.
I discovered MB just 2 days after ex left and I don't think I'd have survived without it, literally.
I want other people who come here to know that Plan A and B are great, but if you can't make the marriage work, once you finally give up and make peace over it, and just let it go, there is a better life out there.
And the principles in MB work in any relationship, I think it's a great concept.
Prayers and hugs to you all, It took 3 years, but it's finally in the past,
Dana B.