First post .

Hi to all.
I would like some advise please /her is my story:
Married 4 years and have a beautiful son.

Wife has had enough of past baggage and stress .She lives at parents place and we are seperated ( I just sold home and live in an apt nearby )
My job did not do well for awhile ( after my Mom died suddenly) Wife quit her job .. and yelled a lot.
My wife was unhappy and felt that I was not a good person- husband, etc.I even sold ALL my things/toys to pay off over 30,000 in debt!
We are in our 2 nd marriage for both of us.It is real dificult to make a blended family work with all the many people together - all wanting and needing .
I had many problems with 17 year old Daughter that hurt our chances of a new family growing .My W does not even want my D see our son . Wow.

It has been a hard Christmas to get thru.

I have gone banckrupt and have lost everyting that I have worked for / starting over and have a positive outlook towards many improvements of my self.I am stonger now but have no one to share my hopes & dreams with now.

I was hoping to make this journey with my wife by my side but it's not going in that direction . I have stopped all pressure and pursuit - my wife says let her be .
It's a stalemate of sorts...no D papers yet and no formal seperation agreement except equal care of son . ( which is going fine- I see him more now than when together )
It's been 6 month away from each other and I seem to be only one wishing to get back together .

I am not a bad person in any way and love my wife very much. I guess it will take time to heal all of the issues from the past that depleted her energy and trust.Most of OUR friends are not saying hi at all?
It hurts to see everyone from my past family sitting around ( with Wifes new friends/ mostly other WAW and divorced women )
They must travel in packs for healing .

Questions : What can I do to spark a change of heart in my wife?
When do I completely let her go ?
Am I at the point of going dark on her ?
Any creative ideas that may have worked for others in same situation?

Thanks, Terry

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> mostly other WAW and divorced women )
They must travel in packs for healing . </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, we do travel in packs. Mainly because we get the support and communication which was so lacking in our M's. And for my group in particular, it is blatantly obvious that we are all healing much better and faster than our former spouses.

The question I have Newly, and please don't get me wrong, but every spouse feels that they were wronged in the relationship. My ex hangs around with women who were physically and emotionally abused, and since I did not do either, she seems to have difficulty in fitting in. So she lies. She also hangs with women who were the betrayed spouse, but she is the wayward spouse many times over. She has not told them this, so she just acts like she is one of the crowd, when in all reality, she is more akin to the ex's of these women.

She says she prayed for me once. This 'with a true friend of God.' I know who she was talking about, and I know this person's story. My ex is so far from it that it is not even funny. I truly am surprised that she can pull of her lies so convincingly for so long. However I gues I shouldn't be given that she did it for 14 years with me.

What I am saying, in a long winded sort of way, is that the person that you are 'healing' with, may not truly be the person that you think that they are. Their perspective on your situation might be completely different had the situation ever came out in the open.

I know that my ex needs healing and support. If for no other reason that for my children. That is why I have not 'taken the bull by the horns' so to speak and shown her 'friends' the true character of their friend. I wouldn't have to say a thing, just a few of the 300+ emails from her own account would be enough I think. It is not that I don't want her to be supported, far from it. It is just that this false support and covert lying that she does, I feel is a detriment to their healing as well as her own.

Packs don't always mean that the healing is genuine. Saying, 'Oh yea, me too." Doesn't mean that you are actually connecting. I fear that should these women ever really find out about her at this stage, that she might truly be shunned. Who knows however. They will not find out about it from me.

First Post.

Dude, leave her alone. My ex was the prototypical walk away. She was unhappy and never said a thing. She was weak, though, and tried to hold on to me for security while she had an affair with my son's soccer coach. For over a year. I was at work, she was a stay at home Mom. I tried and tried and tried while she lied and lied and lied and used me, then played the victim when he got arrested for child molestation (obviously not for molesting her). She then wanted me back. Run man, don't walk. Have some confidence in yourself. You should not allow yourself to be treated like that. I know the kids and families are important, but once they bail like that its over and its not coming back. Men should run in packs too. Fight for your rights with your child, be a strong influence, blow her off and don't worry about other women.

Wow. it's nice to see I am not alone. I didn't post about my story but it's nothing outstanding; just the typical "I don't love you anymore... bye". At this point I don't care anymore if she comes back, because even if she does it will never be the same. To be honest, I'd rather fall in love with somebody else and get hurt again than start over with my walk away wife.

If she chooses to walk away, let her. Chasing her will only chase her away.

Make yourself better, and if she is lucky you might take her back when she begs forgiveness.