Restoration of Marriages Prayer Group - March 12

Marriage Builders

Every Wed. we are to pray and fast for one another. Every Weds we can check in and let everyone know we have prayed for the group. Prayer does mighty things and group prayer is even better.

Right now I am doing "Experiencing God Day by Day" and Lupolady is doing "Power of a Praying Wife" for the ladies. You can use this as your prayer or have your own or combine them.

I think it will be great to see how God works in our lives and heals our marriages and us.

If you want to pray with us I will be more than happy to add your name to the list below.

Prayer Warriors who are praying and being prayed for: cajunky,Ezra, Willgetthruthis, Godisincontrol, Natasha79, JohnC, c++_guy, Wallace, relady, steadfast and committed, morriggs,lupolady, stillwaiting, Broken Hearted, PasDeDeux, hopeful_person,GinnyF, Not peachy in Ga, cry2much,SNL,LostAgain(Dave&April), Dodger, gloriachu, LoveNcare,JMF,WEN, NiteHawk, Absurd, LetSTry,AgainsttheWind,cemmerson, getting better,kellidiane,Terrified, BeeLee,idostylin, Resilient, thiscantbehappening, day by day, Jloves, broken x3, Sue with Hope, sunrise1, shepette, Malc, Faithfulwife, timbo-e,Angelia,FeelingAllAlone,broken_joe,dopey,awake,truly a friend, Is it to late, stilltryingtosaveit, landslide,GODBLESSU,vega.LoyalWarrior,janna-m-r

Prayers Answered: Lupolady(air conditioner),Steadfastandcommitted(first string again),cry2much(sucessful surgery), Movingonwithlife(Wife coming home),WGTT(accepted into mentor program), betrayed and desparate (sucessful cancer surgery),Againstthewind(Got job), Free ( Marriage Restoration begun ), cajunky (wife not engaged & did something with family, told me she loved me), Stillwaiting(neice is o.k.), Stillwaiting(Got to see her husband for 2 hours and his heart seems to have softened), Steadfastandcommitted (wife gave up other man and said steadfast is stuck with her. God showed her the change was for real in steadfast)

Love in Christ
Cajunky

[ March 09, 2003, 04:51 PM: Message edited by: cajunky ]

NotMyWill......I got this in my e-mail. It helped me the other day when I really needed it.

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> YOU NEED PERSEVERANCE!

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of
witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the
sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance
the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the
author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before
him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the
right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2

Our life is like a race which must be run with "perseverance." This
race is a lifelong test of our faith and we must run it with patience
and endurance. My oldest son loves NASA car racing. We have had
some get togethers while the television is on and the men are watching
the racing. I have never seen a race car driver stop his race car in
the middle of the race and say "This is taking too long, I quit! Or
"How many times do I have to go around this track? This is too hard,
I am not going any further! Or I wonder if I should be doing this?"

I know many men will be able to relate to this example and take it
even much further. You may like marathon running, walking, tennis,
baseball, or football. Regardless, the race must be run by
perseverance and not by looking at all your circumstances or the
score. You need to stay focused on winning.

That is what the Lord is asking you to do. Keep your eyes, your
thoughts, your feelings and emotions all on your Lord and Savior. He
is the Captain. The only problem is as any leader or Head, He will
start looking you over to see if there any areas in your life that
need to be changed, healed or rebuilt. You need to throw off
EVERYTHING that will hinder your race and so many of our sins so
easily entangles us to do compromise saying and doing things we know
are wrong. Instead, we must run the race with perseverance that the
Lord has asked you to run. Keep your eyes on the Captain, your Lord
Jesus, who will help you win the race. You need to trust in God and
make a commitment to doing His will, keep in shape by prayer, and not
be overcome by temptations, but give loyalty to your Heavenly Father.

Seek and enjoy the race. You will start to see that it is fun to run
the race with many other awesome people who are running the same race.

"So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.
You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God,
you will receive what he has promised. For in just a very little
while, "He who is coming will come and will not delay. But my
righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will
not be pleased with him." But we are not of those who shrink
back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved."
Hebrews 10:35-39

This is an awesome scripture!! Do not throw away your confidence --
it will be richly rewarded. God's children will live by faith and
strive, persevere, always moving forward, seeking the Lord, asking
your Lord for His plans and purpose for your life. Don't be a
quitter who always wonders and wishes later that you had done what
the Lord had asked them to do. Be a winner by persevering to the
finish line!

Perseverance implies to do something in spite of difficulties, or
obstacles. It is having tenacity, or a firm adherence to some
purpose, action or belief. I looked up "persevere" in a dictionary
and it mentioned the word persist, which means: To refuse to give up,
especially when faced with opposition or difficulty; continue firmly
or steadily to continue to prevail, endure or remain.

Do you have perseverance for your marriage, for your spouse, and for
your loved ones? Many of us want to have perseverance, but we become
weary, tired and defeated by many different oppositions. I want to
challenge you to never give up!

"As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered.
You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord
finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy."
James 5:11

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already
been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which
Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself
yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what
is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward
the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward
in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3: 12-14

Our Christian life was never promised to be easy. Paul constantly
reminds us that we must have a purpose and a plan because times will
be difficult and satan will try to come against us to make us give
up on our marriage and spouse! Run the race to receive the prize.
Run straight to the finish line, do not keep stopping and starting,
keep going, running the race with your Lord.

"But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for
it with perseverance." Romans 8:25

Yes, you will have to deny yourself whatever may be potentially
harmful to your body, soul or spirit. You many not be able to listen
to everything that everyone is doing or going. You need to be around
people of faith instead of negative people. There are many people
who will never start to run the race of being a Christian because they
never started the race, they procrastinated. Bob and I are two of
the cheerleaders on the roadside cheering you on that you can finish
this race for your family's sake. Then your Lord will tell you at
the finish line:

...‘Well done, good and faithful servant.' Matthew 25:21

<hr /></blockquote>Love in Christ
cajunky

I'm having a bit of a sad day today. I have received confirmation from my stbxH that there will be no reconciliation of our marriage.

Last night he virtually said to me out loud: "I do not care about you" and while that tears my heart up to hear that, deep within myself I have known that for many, many years now. Somehow he is numb to the pain and harm his continuing affairs have caused me--maybe he doesn't see it, but more likely he knows it on some level and doesn't WANT to see it. Oh, and BTW, he is "dating" again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Then this morning he called and once again said out loud that he did not want our marriage to work out because there are certain things that he NEEDS to do that I won't let him--and certain things he wants me to do that he "knows" I just will not do. Well, he never even asked me! How does he "know"? Most likely, he NEEDS to have sex with whomever he wants, NEEDS to work as long as he wants without my ever saying a word, and NEEDS me to be an unfeeling, unemotional woman and never be hurt by what he does--in other words, shut up, take his sexual acting out, and "get over it!!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Part of me really does feel sad, because I had hoped that he would wake up from his fog, but he is chosing not to. Every moment is and opportunity to open your eyes and step out of the fog, but it seems to me that he is making the choice to stay in the fog--maybe consciously and maybe subconsciously.

So I'm bumming a bit today.

Meanwhile, I am doing quite well personally. I have learned to react to these emotional set-backs by acknowleging that I feel sad and let myself feel it for a little while, and then get on with life. I can make the choice to be hurt all day, or I can choose to do something that soothes my own heart and then let my more "logical" side come out. Today, for example, I went to pick up a tax book I need...I'm working on a document I'm writing...I'm drinking some hot chocolate <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I had an awesome group last night, and we talked about "Projection" and mirroring. One exercise we did was to list about five people with whom we felt uncomfortable or whom we "didn't like" and then next to their name, to write one or two traits that described what we did not like about them--traits with which we were uncomfortable. THEN, we crossed off their names and put our own names in there...those are the exact traits with which we are uncomfortable about ourselves!

It was hard to see, but it was very true. I am uncomfortable being an angry person, and yet I have become that in my continuing painful existence. I am uncomfortable and worry about my mental health (am I crazy and illogical?). I am concerned with being a liar and a user.

So...now I have a GREAT list of qualities/traits within myself that I want to work on and do a better job dealing with! Like I said, it was hard to see, but pretty on target.

Also, I've been reading "Betrayal Bond" by Patrick Carnes (just got to Chapter 2, so I haven't gotten too far), and one thing that jumped out at me is that I recreate in my bond with my abuser the original relationship which I have not fully healed...and that is certainly true in my case. My FOO was a dsyfunctional disaster of sexual, physical and emotional abuse, and as a kid, I never did feel important, valuable and lovable. Well...HELLO!! I pretty much recreated that, didn't I?

So, I'm growing. I'm making good progress and God is working in my life. Just feel sad that my stbxH is choosing to continue in his illness. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

CJ

[ March 06, 2003, 12:13 PM: Message edited by: FaithfulWife ]

Oops! Double post. Sorry.

I'll use this post to say this:

My purpose TODAY is to live right and glorify God.

There's a part that no once can do for you, and that's MAKING THE DECISION to live right and glorify God where you are...today.

Every moment is an opportunity to open your eyes and make that decision.

[ March 06, 2003, 12:11 PM: Message edited by: FaithfulWife ]

Hey, everyone. Listen to this:

It's pretty weird.........

I was talking to my sister today, and she "decided" that she would tell me about a dream her H had (about MY H). See, she wasn't going to tell me about it, cause it was kinda bad, although her H NEVER remembers his dream, and he did, and she thought that in itself was weird. I had recounted a couple of other stories to her, and then it all came flooding out of her.

About a month ago, I had had a dream. In my dream, my younger SS called me and said, "LL, Dad is broke."

My first reaction was, "Then he should get fixed!"

That's basically all I remembered about my own dream. That happened about a month ago, as I said. You may remember I was feeling kinda "weird" about my H then, thinking, feeling things were happening even tho I did not know what could have been happening. Then I had that dream.

THEN, my candle, that I've had lit on the window sill for over a year now (almost a year and a half) burned out! I got up on a Sunday morning, and it was out. I kinda thought in my own head, "This is not good....." even tho I KNOW bulbs burn out. NO BIG DEAL. I still didn't like it that it had burned out. I felt like, "OH NO!!! My Prodigal is out there, lost, and NOW he won't be able to find his way home!! !The light bulb burned out." DUH. I had it re-lit in a few minutes. THEN I had the thought: "He's NOT coming home. He's "gone" - that's why the light bulb burned out. Don't need it any more." Then decided that was only satan trying to instill fear in me.

Later that same day IT BURNED OUT AGAIN!
THAT freaked me out.

Oooooooh, that ain't good............again I thought. BUT I've since put yet ANOTHER new bulb in it, and it's now fine.......so I'm thinking no biggie..........

So I was telling my best friend about that dream, and pretty much the same week SHE had a dream about him!! She's kinda "intuitive" about stuff, so I took her dream a whole lot
more serious than my own!

In her dream, my H was living in our home (which I now live in, and which he left, abandoned). So, in her dream he was living in our home, she didn't know where I was.....anyway, in her dream he died, and then she came to tell me, and to tell me that I should move back into the household! That was basically the jist of her dream.

But it took me awhile to get over it, again, to figure it was NOTHING.

NOW - come to find out, about the same time, my BIL had a dream about him, too!!! In his dream, my H was in a terrible accident, and lost his leg, or something similar to that.

So this is where I am: I think h needs a lot of prayer. I think he IS being "broken." Possibly being "killed" in his natural man in order to bring him back to the Lord. I once heard Joyce Meyer say that the shepherds used to break the legs of the sheep that continually wandered away, in order to make them totally dependent on the shepherd, while the legs mended. Then, once they were all better, and capable of walking on their own again, they had become so accustomed to being so near the shepherd, they never wandered away again.

What do you all think? Weird? Or some kind of message about stuff happening in his life that I'm not "privy" to......

Thanks. You guys are the best friends anyone could hope for!!!

PTL \o/

[ March 06, 2003, 07:03 PM: Message edited by: lupolady ]

Hi, I felt the need to write and share an answered prayer.

In the beginning after d-day my H refused, absolutely refused, to seek any counseling. He said he knew what he did wrong and didn't need any counseling.

I have prayed and have a prayer friend who has also prayed - and this week we had our first counseling session. Husband didn't go kicking and screaming - he went, he said, because he loves me, realizes what a horrible choice he made in the affair, and wants to do anything to move forward with our marriage.

The answered prayer seems small and possibly insignificant to others but to me, it's a real reason to praise God! Thanks for your prayers....

I am lighting a candle in my window for my own prodigal. Cool dream stuff.....

Thanks, cajunky, for your words of hope. I definitely have hope for the future, I just don't know what God has in store for me.

Thanks again, cj, for your honesty. I think that to glorify God means to be most fully the people we were made to be. That's what all the self-exploration will hopefully accomplish. Like the exercise you described, Jesus told us to look for the log in our own eye rather than the splinter in another's eye (I'm paraphrasing heavily). And Jesus' lessons not only make us better people but usually happier as well.

I recently finished reading The Betrayal Bond and got a lot out of it, though I didn't do the exercises. But, I'm now reading another book by Patrick Carnes called A Gentle Path Through the Twelve Steps and I'm doing all the exercises (and getting more out of it, imagine that).

lupolady, your dream analysis makes sense and it had a personal message for me. I broke my ankle about six months ago and it's held together by plates and screws. It hasn't fully healed and I've developed arthritis in the ankle joint. When it happened I already was dealing with more than I thought I could handle, running the business my H and I started alone. But there was nothing I could do about it.

I had a hard time working for the first 6 weeks because my leg would swell up and throb in the cast if I left it down for very long. I had to stop and take care of myself. Now I doubt I'll ever run again, or even be able to take long walks, but I can get around wearing an air splint. I even started back at the gym again this week.

Well, when I read your post, I felt like I was one of those sheep whose legs were broken because they strayed too far and too often. The past five years have been humbling - first breast cancer, then my H's drinking and using becoming obvious again, then the verbal abuse, then the A, then the false reconciliations, and finally no contact. Somehow God has carried me through and protected me like the wayward sheep. Feeling closer to God is something for which I can feel grateful.

Angelia:

re: your reply; my husband too refuses MC for the same reasoning as yours. IF mine went to counselling i, too, would consider it a big miracle and an answer to prayers!!! Thanks be to God, He does listen to His children :-)

This was posted by someone named E tonite on last weeks thread so I moved it over here for us to pray about this week.

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> Yesterday was the worst day of my life. My wife told me that she no longer desired to continue with our marriage. I was devistated and did not see this coming. Maybe I was blind. We have struggled through our 4 year marriage. I made a horrible decision 1 year ago by having an affair that really pushed our troubles over the edge. We had tried to work through everything over this past year. The first six months went surprisingly well. Well enough that we decided to have another child. The last 6 have been up and down with the same issues we've always had. My wife tells me that she just cannot do it anymore, that it is effecting her behavior toward our daughter.

I cannot blame her for her feelings. I truely believe that we would be together always. I do not hate her. On the contrary, I love her so.
We have been talking about how to proceed with everything. It's all so overwhelming to me right now. I know what her wishes are and can respect them. Yet I do not want us to split. I asked her if she has given up on us and she nodded yes.

I haven't eaten in 2 days. Can barely get any liquids in me.

My initial thoughts were of our nearly 3 year old daughter and child on the way. Niether of us want them to be affected in any way. I fear it is inevitable. She believes it is workable. Her parents divorced when she was 2. And I will agree, my wife grew up to be one of the most wonderful people I have ever met. I do not want to miss a day of childrens life.

We still love each other, but her pain is still there. I have prayed everyday for the past year that God could help us through this and heal our souls.

I am trying to be accepting of the situation, yet it's not what I want so that makes it even more difficult. At this point, I feel as though the only thing I can hope for is to be actively involved in my children's lives. Maybe one day I can work through my issues and find a new place in my wife's heart.

I am asking for everyone's prayers for my wife, my children, myself, my family. I still believe a miracle can happen.

--------------------
E

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Posts: 1 | Registered: Mar 2003 | IP: Logged | <hr /></blockquote>Love in Christ
cajunky

cajunky- I can relate to that man; my husband informed me this morning that he does not want to save our marriage. I too have been praying that we could get thru this (I had 2 affairs over the past year and a half. He found out about both of them in the past month.). I won't give up on trying to show him that I love him and want to save our marriage. Please tell me more about the Wed. prayer group, and add my name to your list. My husband, my daughter, and I all need prayers. I'll be praying too. Thanks- Janna

Cajunky,

Steadfast and Committed said I should contact you.
Please pray for my W and I. We have started working with a marriage coach. We have a long way to go.

Thanks,
Loyal Warrior

LW,

You know I always do. That is good to hear the news.

S&C

I saw this on last weeks thread just now so I put it over here to for prayer this week.

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> Cajunky,

Can you please add me to the prayer group?

My husband and I were separated on October 28th. In the beginning there was a question of an EA. I have a huge problem with jealousy and he stated that there was nothing to the emails that I found and that he and an old friend were talking about their marriages. When I confronted the friend about it, I also sent him a copy of the email so that I would be very open in what I was doing. He became outraged and stated that I was controlling him, etc. He states that my jealousy and mistrust was the reason he was leaving.

Since him leaving he had been very adamant for the first 2 months that he was not coming home EVER. Then I broke down in front of him and he finally opened up to me and said that he was confused about what to do. We began to get closer and closer and he started coming and staying at our home on the weekends. Then one Sunday night I cried when he left and told him how hard it was to see him go. Since that time he has pulled away from me again. He says that he is still very confused and that when he is at our home he doesn't want to leave, but gets angry with himself for feeling that way. I've been in counseling since the very beginning and he did go and speak with my counselor one time. He now seems hesitant to go,however, we have talked about him needing to try to get his mind sorted out.

I gave him a letter last evening asking him to put aside all his feelings and fears and just let himself accept and give the love we have for each other. I asked him if he would be willing to commit to counseling for 2 months at least. I'm waiting for a response.

I am feeling rather used and mistreated at times. At other times I see that he shows me he cares in the only way he feels safe doing. He has stated he doesn't feel it's fair to me if he stays here and makes me think that everything is going to be O.K. when he just doesn't know what he wants.

So, my prayer would be that he is able to begin to take the time to really think this over and to search his heart. I believe in doing so, he'll find it's right here with me. I pray that his heart is softened and that he agrees to go to counseling so we can further work on our relationship and our marriage.

I want so badly for our marriage to be restored, however, I'm not sure how long I can keep on like this.

If you need any further info. you may contact me at littlehollywood_70 @hotmail.com
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Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2002 | <hr /></blockquote>Love in Christ
cajunky

Faithfulwife......Sorry for your latest stuff with your husband. If he would just wake up. Hot Chocolate and some self examination. When I look at how I can improve myself God always shows me areas I can improve on and when I try and do that I feel much better.

Lupo...What a dream. Maybe he is going to die to his old life and make a new life which will include you.

Angelia.... we will pray for your marriage.

Loyalwarrior.....Glad to have you praying with us. We are getting referrals now....cool. The more we have praying the better.

Janna-m-r......Glad you are here. You will get lots af prayer from this group that is for sure.

Keep up the good work guy/gals. We are making a difference in peoples lives whether we see it or not.

Love in Christ
cajunky

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Maybe he is going to die to his old life and make a new life which will include you.<hr /></blockquote>Thanks, Cajunk,

That's what I'm thinking. If I'm thinking wrong, I pray the Lord will show me.

I thought I'd share a few Praises with you all. A couple of weeks ago, we hosted Billy Graham Association's Dr. Ralph Bell. It was a sort of "mini-crusade" if you will. I had gone to a few weeks' training, in order to be a counselor, for when anyone comes forward to make a profession of faith.

OK, well, I teach school, BUT I did not want to counsel with young children. Basically, becuase I deal with kids ALL DAY LONG, and didn't want to lead a child to Christ, and then try to counsel. I thought (MY thoughts, after all) that I'd be better at it with an adult. We live in a small town, and the odds were very good that any child I talked to could go to my school (only 3 elem schools), and I thought that might make everything more "complicated." Funny how the mind works, eh? FORGET about thinking the LORD could handle it!!!!

Well, came the first day of the crusade, and I got there late.....didn't get my badge, couldn't counsel. OK, no big deal. I just sat and listened to Dr. Bell. He was excellent!! His testimony includes information about how he gave his life to the Lord at a relatively young age, but didn't turn his wole life over to the Lord. So he then went on to marry an unsaved young woman. Ten years into their marriage, they decided they weren't getting along and should divorce. At that time, God intervened and changed his mind about it, and his wife was saved, and 34 MORE years later, they are still together!!!! I LOVED IT!!!!! I took that as a "sign" - also - that my stand was the right thing, and it's not too difficult for the Lord to change a spouse's minds and bring a marriage back from death.

Well, to get back to the crusade....so the next day was Saturday, I didn't want to go during the day (too many kids!!) so I didn't. I showed up later that day for the Saturday night show, thinking it wouldn't have as many kids. DUH!!! Instead of it being "family night" (MY thoughts), it was YOUTH GROUP night!!!! All the local church's had brought the kids from thier youth group. OK. I get it. I'm NOT GOING TO DO KIDS, anyway, so it's ok. I go in to get my counselor's badge, and it says "CHILD COUNSELOR" on it!!! YUCK. OK, Lord, I say. I can counsel a kid. BUT PLEASE DO NOT LET IT BE A CHILD WHO GOES TO MY SCHOOL, OR IS IN MY CLASS.

So, after the crusade, during the invitation, I move up, with my group leader. Then, I find myself standing next to 3 boys, seem to be about 12, 13 years old. Come to find out, two of them are brothers, the other is their cousin. They just moved here from a state up north. I counsel them, pray with them. No problem. When I see them leaving, I notice they are with the youth leader from my church!!! Seems they were brought there by my church youth group! COOL!!! And I didn't know any of them, and one of them said he went to the middle school, NOT my elem. school. DOUBLE COOL!!!!!

Then, on Monday morning, I was walking into the office, and 2 little boys sitting at the front see me, one waves! Seems he is one of the boys I talked with Saturday night. He is sitting there with his little brother. They have just moved here from a state up north, and are registering to attend our school this very day.

Sooooo, let's recap. My prayer: Any child I counsel will NOT be a member of our school. Technically, HE WASN"T on Saturday night!!!!!!!! Technically, the brother I prayed with was NOT the one who is now in my class.

I think I'm through "telling" God how to do things.............

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Ugggggghhhhhh.........I need yor prayers real bad. I found out yesterday that my wife is engaged again. I know her to well. I know she desires to have our family back. She is really running right now from God. The kids told me they haven't been to church with her in a while.

I found a list of hers when we were married and one of the entries on it was "Stop drinking so much." God was convicting me about the same time of the same thing but we tried to drink our troubles away. We didn't listen to God. I am listening now and I have a couple glasses of wine a week but my "Former Wife" is drinking all the time and doing other things. Don't get me wrong, having a couple drinks is fine but when you drink all the time and use it to try to get rid of your troubles it concerns me.

I want you guys to pray that she will somehow put God back in her life and that someone that is a christian will come into her life and maybe get her back on track. My wife is such a great christian woman and it really hurts to go and see her with glassy eyes and to know that her boyfriend is not a christian so none of this bothers him.

I know God is using me in some really great ways and I want my wife to be a part of it again.

Love in Christ
cajunky

I'm praying for you, cajunky. Don't lose heart.

Hi everyone, I get saddened to think how many people are so hurtful to their spouses. I'm sorry that all the BS's are haveing to go through the pain of separation and divorce. Just know that during this time of pain, God is able to mould you into who He wants you to be. You will look back on this time with no regrets when you see the man or woman God will mould you into, if you allow the Lord to do the work in your life.
I also just wanted to remind all of you standers, that your miracle could be around the corner, we don't see what the Lord does. We only see through our human eyes, we must ask Him to help us to see through His eyes, and most of all trustthe Lord, constantly giving ourselves and our spouses to the Lord. Hand all our troubles, cares and woes over to Jesus, it is not always easy to let go, but we must if we want God's best! Don't ever give up!
He may give your spouse a 'Damascus Road' experience tomorrow. We must be on our knees for our WS's everytime they come to our minds... for some it will be alot more than others, but there is always a reason for the Lord to put them on our minds.

Lupo, LOL God's ways are truly not our ways are they?
We need to be completely open to Him in all things, and it's amazing how He brings about things we never thought or wanted to do!

Caj, hang in there, you know the devil is working twice as hard, try not to forget the promise the Lord has given you, take your eyes off the circumstances and keep them on the Lord, He is in control, He knows exactly what He is doing!

God Bless you all, Love in Christ, SW

Hey Caj,

Just wanted to let you know you and your wife are lifted up this whole week.

Tha enemy wouldn't be putting in overtime on her if progress wasn't being made. Stand firm and and know that HE IS GOD!

Love in Christ

S&C

lupo,

Great story,thanks for sharing. I have found that when say I don't want to do something, that is what God makes me do. Of course, it is never as bad as I thougth it was going to be.

Cajunky,

Satan is working over time on your wife and this can be a good thing. It means God is working on her and she is doubting what she is doing with this OM. Keep believeing. I know how you feel about the drinking. We use to drink too much to escape also. After my husband left, I would have maybe a glass of wine every now and then. Mostly I would drink if I went out to eat with my husband. His drinking increased and I really started praying about it. God showed me that if I was praying for my husband to stop drinking then I need to stop drinking also especially in front of him. I am not against drinking and I am not preaching to you. I am just telling you what God had me do. I have decided not to drink at all until my husband totally gives his heart to the Lord and he comes home. It is just part of my stand and an example. He is starting to do both things, he is giving his heart more to the Lord and he is drinking much less.Praise God.

You are doing a great job with your stand, keep it up.You are a good example of what the Lord can do in someone.

In Christ,
gentle

[ March 10, 2003, 01:37 PM: Message edited by: gentle ]

Thanks guys/gals.....I know satan is really working on her right now. Putting all sorts of thoughts in her head. Making her think that nothing can fix our family. But I also know God is talking to her real heavy too. I just want her to listen to God and be obedient. I know if she went to church and tried to get the relationship with God back that she would see how she has let God slip out of her life. I pray for her every day that God will talk to her and work behind the scenes to restore our marriage. I just never pictured her not trying everything possible to save our family.

I went back and read the perseverence post I made at the beginning of this thread and it gave me new hope because in scripture it says that God will restore our nations if we are obedient.

Lupo.....I had a dream Sat. nite that woke me up. I dreamed my "former" wife was engaged. It was so weird because I woke up in a such a panic and sat straight up.

I was feeling down sunday until church when our pastor preached from Ephesians 6:14.

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place. <hr /></blockquote>He said the word STAND is God telling us about a soldier that doesn't picture an invasion of a mighty army but it is ONE soldier refusing to give up. He said the word Truth is the soldier getting in the defensive mode instead of the offensive mode. He is going to let God win the battle. He said the word righteousness signifies the soldiers character and that is what is God is going to to use to win the battle.

I just thought of this but in scripture it says perseverance builds character so we are going to win this battle if we let God fight it.

When he was preaching I immediately thought of myself and everyone here and how we are one soldier refusing to give up. We are totally relying on God to win this battle.

Love in Christ
cajunky

[ March 11, 2003, 10:01 AM: Message edited by: cajunky ]

cajunky, I'm praying for you and for your former wife as I pray for all of us and our former or seemingly-soon-to-be-former spouses.

lupo's story gave a beautiful example of how we don't need to worry about what God has in store for us, or whether God will get it right. Sometimes I have to remind myself that life is good today, especially if I stay focused right here in the present.

My prayer request for this week that WH (and all the other addicted WS's) be very close to hitting their bottom and ready to receive the healing love of Christ.

This weekend at a community church dinner, an ex alcoholic drug addict sang some beautifull songs. I was very touched. The following night, I was invited over to a neighbor's house to hear him sing again. It was there that I got information on his ministry and was blown away. It's called Our Fathers Arms. Bob McLoud is the singer and head of this ministry. They provide a place for the addicted to get away if needed and just be a friend to start with. They pray for and with the person and help them to heal. They also work with other Christian based residential programs. There is an excellent one near my home.

With the letter that I got and the feelings I have right now, I think WH may be hitting a bottom. I'm going to give him Bob McLoud's information to call as I don't want WH home as he is right now. Someone else has to minister to him, not me.

For anyone wanting information on this ministry - Link to Our Fathers Arms part of the Broken Stone Ministries

God Bless,

D.

The A,B,C's of Standing

G - Go to church. Find a local body of believers where you can grow and derve the Lord. Each of us are given spiritual gifts. What are yours? Use your spiritual gifts where you go to church and help others. (This is where you can invest your tithe into God's work). Marriage ministries will give you support, but they should not replace the local church.

1 Corinthians 12:24-27
Malachi 3: 8-12

H- Pray that you will be filled with the Holy Spirit including your spouse, your children, your loved ones and any other prodigals. We need the Holy Spirit to have power form on high as Jesus instructed His disciples.

John 14:25-26
John 16:8, 13
Acts 1: 4-5, 7-8
Acts 2:38-39

Love in Christ
cajunky

I have been experiencing technical difficulties, but I am back on the air....

Caj, sorry to hear of the difficulties with your wife. i will pray for you and for all here.

Thanks,
Andy

From "Experiencing God Day by Day" by Henry Blackaby.

Testing Reveals Your Heart

Deuteronomy 8:2-3 And you shall remember that the Lord you God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. So He humbles you, allowed you to hunger, and fed you with manna which you did not know nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone; but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord.

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> God allows us to suffer difficulties and hardships for a purpose. God led the children of Israel to wander through the wilderness for forty years in order to humble then and test them. When they refused to obey Him and enter the Promised Land, the Isralites revealed that they did not really know Him. If they had, they would have had more faith. God spent the next forty years testing the hearts of His people to see if they were prepared for His next assignment.

Testing reveals what is in your heart and produces a robust faith(James 1:3,12). God allowed His people to hunger so that they could experience His provision and develop a deeper level of trust in Him. As the people walked with God they came to understand that their lives depended upon His Word. They learned that God's Word was the most important thing that they had. After depending on God for fourty years while living in the desert, the people listened when God spoke, and they believed. When they finally entered the Promised Land and waged war against their enemies, the israelites knew that God's word meant life and death. They were prepared to listen to Him, and as a result He led them to an astounding victory.

Is God presently testing you in some area of your life? What has his testing revealed? Have you become bitter toward God because of where he has led you? Or have you come to trust Him more as a result of what you have gone through?
<hr /></blockquote>Remember to pray for your marriages as well as everyone elses.

Love in Christ
cajunky

[ March 11, 2003, 11:17 PM: Message edited by: cajunky ]

Hey gang,

My wife just told me this morning that OM was approached to update his resume for the managers position of their dept. Struggling with whether or not to tell their supervisor. It could end my wife's career there (as well as his of course). What would that accomplish? I'm sure it would be a very big LB and set us back very far.

Pray for clarity for me. To help me do the right thing, even though she may not. Ask God to help me see his plan, because I don't right now. I thought he would be transfering, but not now. No reason too. He will have power over her to hurt or help her. I want God's peace for me and my W while He works out his plan.

Thank you every one.

Love in Christ.

S&C

Hi everyone-
Just thought I'd let y'all know, since it's Wednesday, that I just printed out the list of names cajunky posted and I'm taking it w/ me to the prayer service tonite at church. I'll be praying for you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
-Janna

Mediation day is friday. Mom had a stroke last friday. I am really hurt and saddened right now.

StbxH is living with OW2 and her two year old son and although he denies it, it is going on and in front of my son during his visitation with him.

He owes us over five thousand dollars and I was forced to have to file a contempt charge against him. Was in court on valentines day to force him to legally sign the agreement of last summer our attorneys agreed upon. He just never got around to signing it.

I feel so broken. I have given this to God many months ago but still am feeling more down than ever now as signing day looms.

He told me today that he "still has his family and that is his parents, other family members and son. That I am not and was not part of the family..." It hurt so badly.

Please pray hard for us. He is nowhere near rock bottom and I have basically given up on this marriage. I know only God can change him now.

I have been crying all evening. Please pray for us. I don't honestly see any hope left at all for this family unless it is just for son and I starting anew together. But we are doing that part ok... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Steadfast.....Hey buddy......How are you doing? I thought about your situation and I want to start out by saying WWJD (What Would Jesus Do). I know how you feel and in your mind it may seem like the right thing to do but I think you would be doing it out of revenge. Wanting to get revenge for this guy seeing your wife and for the possibilities of what could happen. I looked up the word "Revenge" in my Bible and came up with this scripture.

1 Peter 3:9-12 Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. " Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.

I just think that it would be for the wrong reasons. I have a suggestion that I believe will be a lot better. Get your wife and sit down with her and just tell her your concerns and be honest with her. Talking it out with her will show her that you want to be open with your feelings and it would let her know that you are concerned. Then take her hand and pray with her about it. Ask God to take away any concerns that you have and to just put a hedge of protection over your wife and your marriage. Then look her in the eye and tell her you love her.

We will let God take care of the other guy. I firmly believe if you Pray with your wife and for your wife that God will bless your marriage more than you can imagine.

That is my 2 cents worth. I pray that I was of some help and comfort to you. I know it is scary but we have to trust God that he will take care of our needs.

Peachy......I am praying so hard for you. I know it is hard seeing your husband like this knowing if he would snap out of it you could have your old family back. I pray all the time that God will show your husband what he is doing to your family and bring him back. I agree with you when you said he hasn't hit rock bottom yet. Believe me when he does it will shake him up like you have never seen and he will be able to choose between two roads and I pray he will choose the right one and put his family back again. If he chooses the right one, God will bless you guys beyond your wildest dreams.

Love in Christ

cajunky

[ March 12, 2003, 11:10 PM: Message edited by: cajunky ]

Please pray for my brother and his daughter, my niece that went through the bad time in January.
They have been evicted from their home, due to a bad judical system and a very uncaring judge.
They have to be out by the 21st of March, and was only notified last week. So far he has found nothing. Please pray for God's intervention here. My brother is really bitter towards God, I dare not even let him know I'm praying for him. I'm sure he already knows that, but it makes him mad. I ask you to pray for him to reach out to the Lord, and that the Lord will direct him to a perfect place. I can't imagine him being booted out, this is really hard on them. His wife is in a convelesant home, she has MS, he makes very little $ and although he works, he won't be able to afford much. Thankyou for your prayers,
you are all in mine! God Bless, SW

Thanks Cajunky. Sorry to hear about engagement again. Stbx IM's me last night after posting and adamantly exclaims that he is NOT LIVING WITH OW. But I know differently. My son tells me that she is there before bedtime and at breakfast the next day. And that the child, age two and seeing this junk also, sleepwalks. How would my son know that? Plus son says he sleeps in his bunk bed with my son. Makes me sick.

He is really lost. I also believe he has NPD. He is sooo high on himself. He came by about thirty minutes ago to pick up our son for his visitation. I am off from work today doing what is needed around house and to gear up for tomorrow's mediation. I am gonna pray alot for peace.

So there stbx was at door and as I open it to get son (son was sleepy) he, stbx walks right in and plays with the dog. Says that he'd love to have dog visit him too when I go out of town. He is all smiles and is not wearing work clothes. He owns his own company and can take off whenever HE decides to unlike me who has to work with patients and conform to their schedules. It is all about him. Son really did not want to go. I asked stbx if he would take him to McDonald's (son loves it in the morning sometimes) and he said he would take him there. He is our son's playmate. And when it suits him. Not a dad. Not really there for his son.

I didn't really look at him. I can't and do not want to. This d is going through I know. He is so lost and maybe suffering from some kind of disorder as I firmly see now. But he's exhausted me of almost all of my love and charity now. He is just a person. It hurts. But funny, he started wearing his usually spiky hair different (I used to tell him to change his hair) and he doesn't look as much like the other man I knew. It is easier when he looks different. He is really attractive but when I see him now, all I can see is the hurt, the lies, the abuse, and the denial of it all from him.

I am exhausted. I am going to take a little nap in a bit. I am scared and very hurting about tomorrow. This is going through. It has to. He has no remorse and is even further down the road with regard to his bad moral decisions. When he IM'd me, he kept saying how I should "just look at him and think he is a good dad now and for me to be happy and start dating." I replied that good dads or moms don't do this kind of thing. And that I only wanted contact (personal and talking) when he was able to stand accountable for his actions to his family. I said good parents can stand accountable to their families. He then said this other foggy statement: "I just don't see how it is that YOU (he believes that it was ME who "forced" him to cheat, lie and be abusive...just more fog and denial)have changed..And I just don't want to know you (talking about me via IM)the way you are." What poo. Back a year and a half ago during PLAN A, I worked on me. Must be remembering that. But I've been in B for over a year now. Hmmm. Very strange memories for him. But the WS believe it is and should be all for their happiness i guess. So I replied via IM that "should you ever took the time getting to know me after those changes (very small ones mind you and not any reason anyone would want a divorce--he just wanted excuses why he was cheating)YOU WOULD HAVE TO ADMIT THAT YOU ARE WRONG...WRONG ABOUT THE AFFAIRS, THE LIES, AND ABOUT ME. Maybe one day you can when you find God again, but until that day no I don't believe it will happen.

Satan is something else. The way he decieves and makes people think that their own happiness is paramount to their children, their spouses, their faith. That if a marriage has hit either a comfortable place (after a few years) or there are stressors or no "challenge" because you've gotten the other person, then you have the right to be happy at all costs. And that the kids will be fine with it all. And if we love our WS, we should be happy too in helping them leave their families.

At the end of the IM session, he says to me, "can't you just be happy for me and see how much better it is for me now? If you'd just accept it (compromise my value system) and then you'd be happy too." Made me nauseous. I said in the end that "I am happy with my son. I will learn to move ahead and be happy also. I don't need anyone to make me happy anymore. I have my happiness and have found it".

And I put up a new garden flag by the front door on the path to the door. It is an Easter cross. He had to pass by it on the way to my front door. He had to pass it on the way leaving. My neighbor was in my yard (heck I don't care the dog is small and we are friends anyway) pooing and she says as Darth is leaving with son out the door "hey J, like the new flag. Great for lent."

And he walked away. I wonder if when they run from God if it hurts to see reminders of Him?

I am hurt but God has given me a special refuge now. I don't need a man. But I will after the divorce and being separated for a year and a half like a date. I love being a mom so much that somehow I hope one day to be blessed by more children but only if it is right and my son comes first before any thoughts like that. I have some good friends. Money is really tight. And that is scary. He is in contempt of court and the order signed on feb. 14. He doesn't believe anything can touch him. And he walked by the cross two times already this morning. I may leave it there permanently so he has to every time he goes to get his son.

I honestly believe it is too late and that God wants me and son to move on. I cannot look back any more. Too much has happened. Feel emotionally like I am on the edge of the cliff ready to bungee jump off. I know I will bounce back up, but the leap is scary and I don't know how long it will be until I bounce upward. Only God knows. I hate divorce. God does too. It is awful and a last resort. Thank you for your prayers.

VERY INTERESTING WH Just called me about someone that may buy the business!!!!!An employee wanted to buy it, but it fell thru so we thought we were going to have to liquidate it. We owe a GREAT deal of money on this disaster.

WH said that the guy that is interested is a real "strong born again Christian." This all has happened in the last 2 days ! The Christian man told WH that the Lord was watching over him. And it was the Lord that brought him to WH. WH replied that he didn't know but whatever works.

As soon as I heard the part about the 2 days and that the man was a strong Christian and God had sent him, Chills went down my spine because ...... 2 days ago I was in touch with Broken Stone Ministries - Our Fathers Arms who help alcholics / addicts and he started to pray for WH. WOW God is Good. The man (From the Ministry) is an X-addict himself and I had such a good feeling when I met him this past weekend. It was no accident that God brought us together. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

God Bless,

D.

[ March 13, 2003, 02:29 PM: Message edited by: WillGetThruThis ]