Well, one of our big dogs, died during the night. Oldest daughter and I took him to the vets Tuesday, cause he started to not eat and was vomiting. Anyways, the vet feels he probably died of a heart attack. I cared for this dog and his brother, which he is still alive and doing okay. I gave the dogs a lot of attention, and when I would sit on the porch and cry, this dog that died would lick my face, and get my tears, and put his head in my lap.

SNL I called this morning after telling the kids that Saturn died. SNL came over and took the dog to the vets. They were taking his body and having it taken away. Anwyways, just in a slump, and depressed today. No sympathy from SNL. Just helped with the dog, and no I am sorry. Hard to take. I cried after he left, and said to myself, how can a man be so cold and unloving and unthoughtful. Guess I still don't understand an uncaring heart.

This dog and his brother as well as all the animals, are cared for my me. Mostly me. I am a caregiver to all, humans and animals. SNL knew when he dated me that I loved animals. And this is hard to take.

My life is taken over by depression right now. At a low today, and just can't seem to quit crying. I guess, cause I have no one that is there to hold me or talk to me.

Just putting out my heart to you all.

Divorce is still not final, just waiting to go to court. Moving on, filled out FAFSA papers, and now needing to go to University and get more papers signed.

Life is getting better, and I am moving ahead. Just a down day today. Thanks for listening. Just wanted to talk here and going to bed.

{{{{Faith4me}}}}

A lot of people have no idea what kind of hurt and loss it is to lose a pet that has been family for so long. Here is a site which may help to ease your pain.

http://rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm

I've got several of my guys waiting for me, and I know they are in good shape while they wait for me.

Lori

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Faith4Me}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I'm so sorry - I know - yes I know the pain of losing a beloved animal. My heart goes out to you.
May the Lord give you peace and comfort in this time of your loss.
Harold

PS - If you visit www.in-memory-of-pets.org you can Memorialize your pet on this site, free. We have 2 doggies on there, Toby Ray & Lottie Girl.
Hope this helps you.

Thanks for the sites. I didn't realize there was this much help for animal lovers.

I called the vet, cause we asked the vet late yesterday if Saturn was taken away yet. And they saved his collar for us. So I need to pick the collar up and that is our rememberance of him. He was such a great dog, a lover. A frined of mine I talked to tonight said that when she came over he would always lean up against her. He did this with everybody. This dog had great compassion, and licked many of my tears. I cried a lot the last 3 years, with SNL and his affair, his ballistic acitons, the loss of my father last year, and just all the crap that has happened. My shoulder injury from SNL, and the surgery. And still the pain I suffer from the shoudler.

Anyways, thanks for your support and hugs. From one animal lover to another.

Just wanted to add my condolences. I know how it is to truly love a pet. They are more than just an animal, they are family too. My golden has been like a "guardian angel", lifted my spirits many times, made me laugh.

Your plans to move ahead, your healing process is to be commended. You are a strong lady. May you find some peace at heart tonight.

And it's no wonder they call Dog "Man's Best Friend" - isn't it the truth! Woman's best friend also.
Harold

I'm so sorry to hear about your dog. I know what good friends they can be. My four dogs have been my "family" since H left. Despite all their less than charming habits, like barking at the deer and wanting in and out all night, eating or rolling in the horse manure, spitting up on the carpet after they eat grass, slobbering all over my clothes (my Great Pyrenees), peeing on the piano legs (my Cavalier King Charles Spaniel), I don't know what I would've done without them!

I hope you're feeling better today. My divorce is also long, drawn out, and messy. Some days are worse than others, but we'll all get through this!

Faith4me, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I will pray for you. I will pray that what you have learned about the grieving process--and what you have learned about yourself while grieving other losses--will help you bear the grief of this loss while strengthening you at the same time.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

Take care Faith4me

Thanks Harold, Letstry, Boundaries, Notebook. It was difficult today. I made dinner, and SNL was here. So I asked him if he wanted to eat. WEll, we all sat in the living room, and veterinarian program was on, on saving critical animals. The Golden retreiver had cancer, and had 2 heart attacks, and the last one took his life. Was so hard, cause our poor Saturn, he didn't suffer much, but it must of been tough. Would of loved to hold him, and cuddle him and talk to him. So I was crying on the loveseat by myself. While the others watched the program.

Just sentimental. And have no one to hold me. Hard dealing with betrayal, by yourself. Hard dealing with lies by yourself. Hard dealing with deceit and ballistic attitudes by yourself. Then having to deal with sorrow by yourself. And death.

Moving on, was a hard day, but moving ahead. Getting things cleaned out, and ready to have a garage sale SOONNNN!!!! Needing to get some mmoney, and get a plan. Don't really have one now. Thought I did, but not now.

Tough being older and not working since 1990. And a disability. Well, got to get the bathroom cleaned. Been out to the barn with oldest daughter, watching her train the 2 year old filly. Loving animals, and having animals to comfort is all I have for now. Bye.

Well, had a great talk last night with a friend. Sometimes, people know when to call. And I did feel much better, and ready to move on this morning. It is amazing what a friendship can do, and talking to someone who understands can do for the emotional state.

Today, it is raining and cool. YUK!!!! Today was the celebration of my church, opening up to the community. We had a day of celebration planned, and I am to leave to be at the church at 10am. Maybe the Lord had this planned for a reason. Oh well, will enjoy it anyways.

I lost my 13yo cocker spaniel during the months after my x filed for d but before he moved out.

It was really hard to go through both losses at the same time. Really hard. So sorry to hear your news.

I spent the day at church today. We had a ribbon cutting ceremony, with the head people of our community. We had activities planned all day, with breakfast and lunch. The weather turned lousy, rained, and cold. But many people came and showed the church interest.

So I talked to the pastor today. He took me aside and we talked. I told him about Saturn, and they have a almost 2 year old black lab, Carrie, and he said you have been a trooper through all you have done. He and I prayed for guidance and prayers to get through this difficult loss. I miss my big boy Saturn. It is hard, he was my protector and now he is in doggie heaven.

But I was protected by Gods words today, and the day kept me from thinking about anything else. I took interested families on a tour of our church. I talked for about 45 minutes with a journalist from Ann Arbor. He was so kind and a christian man. His wife and 2 sons were there, and I felt comfortable.

Since being on my own, I have tried to become more comfortable talking with new people. Sometimes I find myself, babbling, and sometimes like today, I was just so comfortable and at ease. Their 2 young sons gave me a big hug, and so did the husband and wife.

I played a game with the little guys, 5-8 today. They needed someone walking around in barefeet, and I volunteered. It was awesome, that the kids noticed my new toe ring. They asked what it was, and I told them a toe ring. I was asked why I wore one, and I said cause this is a reminder to me that I love me, God loves me, and that God gave me wonderful feet to walk in his path. I said I have had some difficult times, and this has helped me. And one girl asked if I had a belly ring, cause her older sister had one. I said no, and won't get one, cause that is for the very young people. I didn't say you have to have a good figure, cause life is too much into being terribly skinny. I just said, that is for the young people. I also, took care of a little 5 month old baby boy, Cameron, while his mother was taking care of her 7 year old daughter, and Cameron is such a happy baby. We played and he is such a talker, understandable - Nope, but babbled. It was so comforting, to hold this little guy in my arms. And to play and he held on to me and starting cuddling me at the end, and fell asleep on my shoulder. Such a great feeling, to have a little human put his trust in me, and know that I love him and would hold him as he sleeps. Just a good feeling, and wanted to share.

Anyways, today was fulfilling with love, hugs, and talk and good food. Tomorrow, we are having 2 services. The first service is our regular service, and then a nice catered lunch. After lunch there will be a dedication service for our new church. There will be people from other churches, and pastors from other churches to help dedicate this church to this community. Another day with this family of God.

I am alone now. SNL took the kids bowling, and out to dinner. I am so tired, and my back is hurting. Been on my feet all day, and played with the little kids, and then helped clean up and get the church ready for services tomorrow. It feels good to sit down and look at the computer. I took a long hot bubble bath, and soaked. Bubble baths have always been a treat for me.

I did cry bringing the dogs in. The 3 left. Saturn was always the last to come in. He was like the one making sure everyone else was in and then he would trot on in. Now it is like a frenzy who of the 3 will get in the door first. This is so hard. Little things like that remind me of my big boy Saturn. And the changes that keep happening in my life.

Goodnight everyone.God Bless!

<small>[ May 31, 2003, 09:49 PM: Message edited by: Faith4me ]</small>

Faith,

I'm so sorry to hear about your dog. I know how hard it is to lose a pet that has been a member of the family for so long. A few years ago when we were separated, my wife's dog (who was living with me) died. I had to call her at 2:00 am to tell her about it. Recently, my dog has developed cancer of the pancreas. He had surgery a few weeks ago and is still recovering.

It's a hard thing to deal with but remember that all dogs go to heaven and they'll be waiting and watching out for you.

Hi faith4me,
I'm so sorry about your loss. Losing pets is so tough. I lost an australian shepherd three years ago and I still put the toilet paper where he can't reach it and rip to shreds. He never did outgrow that one. I know it's silly to not use the holder. Pet connections run way deep. Can't think of anything that would bring comfort to you. Words are so inadequate.

I was thinking about you not long ago. Remember those two books I promised to send last year and then couldn't find them? I thought I had looked everywhere and must've given them to the library. They turned up recently! Let me know if you still want them. I know it's been a long time since I've posted here. You may not even remember me.

I am very sorry for your lose and fully understand how you feel. I like you have always loved my aniamls and have relied on them more now then ever. Just around the time my H started to act funny - the affair had begun. Several of my cats deveolped cancer. In less then a year I lost 10 of them along with my beloved dog. When my dog died my H just said you knew he was on his way out. What did you expect. What I expected was a shoulder to cry on and a little bit of understanding. No was given. Then his affair become more and more apparent to everyone around us and he has become more detached from myself, daughter and pets. When my 17 year cat died one that he was close to he could have cared less. He just isn't the man he was. I know that I can always count on my pets for support. I try to be strong in the wake of the begining of our divorce for my daughter who is only 4. But when she goes to bed and I am just with my cats thats when I can let it all out. He still lives with out S-T nights and then spends the week ends with the OW. I keep praying that he comes to his senses but he filed for divorce in March and I just don't see him turning back now. But no matter what the out come is I will never be alone, I have my wonderful daughter and my perfect pets.