Hi! I have an unusual situation. My husband and I split up last November. He had been on line with a woman in Canada. When I asked him to leave for the weekend, thinking he would regret what he had been doing, he went to Canada to see her. I only found out because the credit card company wanted to be sure our card wasn't stolen. He says he did nothing wrong.After he got back, he moved in with his brother. After a few months we started to see each other again. I thought eventually we could work things out. We have been married for 20 years and have an 18 year old daughter. Then he told me he was going to Washington state. He said he had to do what was best for him. He couldn't be concerned about anyone else. We were friendly right up to signing the papers to file for a divorce. Just before he left, I found out that he was going to live with another woman from Canada that he met in a chat room. He had been talking to her even when we started going out again. He still feels he has done nothing wrong. She is 7 years older than him. Now he emails me and calls me and says that he wants to work things out with me. I'm really torn up about this, because I feel used. I feel that if this woman had been his dream girl I would never have heard from him again. I have been talking to a really nice guy that also lives in another state. My husband knows about him. I feel really confused, because deep down inside, if I thought that my husband really loved me, I would do anything to save our marriage, but actions speak louder than words, and he's still with the woman in Canada. I don't think she knows he's calling me wanting to get back together. I know this is long, and this is only a very small part of my confused life. I would appreciate any suggestions. Thanks Alone in Mississippi

I have always hated seeing posts languish with no responses! What is up people?!

Wow, he sure knows you well, doesn't he? Tell me, how does he take it when other men show an interest in you?

That whole 'if they really loved you' thing isn't a very fair assessment. What you mean is that you wouldn't show YOUR love that way...maybe he does. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you, just that he is too selfish to love you the way that you want him to. That is the problem. EXPECTATIONS.

Sounds to me as if you both are trying to 'show' something to the other...but, what?

Thanks for your response. He gets very jealous if he thinks someone else is showing me some attention. I really believe he wants me to be here for him whenever he decides he has had enough "freedom" and he wants to come home. Maybe you're right, maybe he doesn't know how to show love towards me. I really would love to know what it feels like to be loved and appreciated, not necessarily everyday, but at least every now and then.

Yes, that would be nice!
I felt the same way when my wife left me. As long as I am available to her, she sees no need to work on the relationship. That is part of the purpose of Plan B, but I have noticed that a well run Plan B brings about some unusual behavior in the WAS. The less I seem to care about XW/OM, the more they seek to 'up the ante'. At this point, I am tired of it...my children are tired of it, and so is everyone else.
Donna, I pray that you receive the love you seek. You have God's love, and it is perfect. God bless.

Well, first I will give you a briefing on me..My H and I were together for 12 years when he went away for 6+ on a mgmt course, met someone he "fell in love with", and 2 weeks before he came home it moved to physical. It took 6 weeks of living together for me to find out, we started what i thought was recovery. In Sept. he decided he couldn't live with it any more and we have been separated since, with one attempt at reconciliation. You can go on his thread (Just found out/can't get peace of mind/zachsdad), and you will see where he is at, and my latest (General Questions II/when is enough, enough??)...

I guess what I am trying to say is that if he wants to work on it and you feel you can then do it, try and try...Don't give up unless your heart tells you to...people get really sucked into things and can't see their way out...You need to learn why he did what he did and why he wants to come home etc to understand..

best of luck,take care..
D