I am doing my best to give my WW the benefit of the doubt. Two weeks ago she filed a protective order against me. I filed for D on the same day. My attorney called her and persuaded her sign a consent to release this order and was signed on Thursday. The judge does want us to appear to find out what is going on between us. We have talked almost everyday since then. Some days good others not so. She has also paid some bills that she had run up while in the home. If I bring up the topic of the M she speaks only in negatives and focuses on that in her mind I was never there for her and the children. I ask her is she wants the D and she always says just a seperation at this time.
My questions are what do you think will happen concerning the hearing. Do you think we will be ordered into counseling? Is what she saying about just a seperation is true? Right now the OM is locked up for 2 years. It is a real possibility that I would receive custody , is this what she is afraid of?
Pheonix_66,
If I bring up the topic of the M she speaks only in negatives and focuses on that in her mind I was never there for her and the children.
TR--Instead of asking her if she want's a divorce why not ask her what she means by "you were never there for her and the children?"
If you already KNOW this answer--what are YOU doing to change that situation so that she will WANT to stay married to YOU??
Right now I am just trying my best to not upset her when we talk. She is living on her own with the children but I have them every weekend. She will not allow me to meet any of her EN's now except converstation. Most of the time I am kind and speak softly, agree with what she is saying and really listen. I know the M talk is a no-no but sometimes I do blow it there like I did this morning. I also told her that since she did agree to get rid of the po that I would stop the divorce. We have been talking about Bible scripture and yesterday she asked me to study Prov 16 especially the part about kind words are like honey from a honeycomb. When I said I will do that she just said well that is what everyone is supposed to do. I thought she wanted me to do more of that or perhaps put sweet words in a letter. I am just trying to understand the messages.
She also confesses that she is afraid of me because of past anger I would exhibit and lack of patience. I work everyday at this and I am seeing the results in many areas of my life. I had several opportunites to chose how I would react to frustrating situations this week and dealt with them effectively; IE customer service or lack there of.
<small>[ March 20, 2004, 10:51 AM: Message edited by: Pheonix_66 ]</small>
Have you considered going to a pastor and getting marriage counseling?
It sounds like right now, she's wanting you to show your interested in HER as a person--past the title of wife and mother of your kids--
and wanting you to treat her with respect for who she is and see the value she has as a person--as one created by God--
And from reading those verses it really sounds as if she's wanting to you to Put Christ first in your life--even before her--and putting her you the family you helped create before work and everything and everyone else--
You are right on point with the wanting me to respect her as a person. At times I did not. At times I did put other things first before the M and the family. In the past few years I had begun the turn around on that but by then she seemed unreceptive. I would really like to have another party hear where both of us are and help both of us to see that things do not have to be the way they are today. I am changing and a work in progress. There are many things about her that were not well either but I tended to bypass them because she would not listen when I tried to discuss them with her. To her it seemed like an attack followed by you never help me. I did help as much as I could but most often she meant do it all. I did laundry, cooked meals, helped kids clean their rooms as well as my own chores like yardwork. I had a tough time with this since she only works 3 days a week which is weekends. All of the children have been in school for the past 2 years and their had been no improvement.
Right now she will not go to counseling. I am reading the word every day and pray several times a day. I am doing my best to put Christ first in my life but it does take time to fully submit and walk in humility.
I pray every day for more faith and humilty as well as to see the goodness of God manifested in my life. I am seeing things happen almost everyday. I am also working with the principles laid out by restore ministries. I just stumble at times because I miss her and I am afriad that she will never come around and is most likely waiting for this guy to get out of jail to see if it will work out with him.
<small>[ March 20, 2004, 01:59 PM: Message edited by: Pheonix_66 ]</small>