I am now definitely sure I am in a depression stage of grieving. I have done much soul searching, and know what I want in a M, am learning about boundaries and how to set them, and am truthfully trying to better myself so that I don't repeat my same mistakes.

Yet through all of this, I am still feeling the full effects of depression. I am lackluster, wanting to sleep all the time. I want to cry, but have trouble letting things flow. I am non-motivated at work, and don't feel like socializing at all. When I do force myself to socialize, it seems as if I cannot really "be" myself.

I am trying to keep myself busy, doing things that I enjoy. But it also seems I am not really "feeling" the enjoyment. I try to look at this as an opportunity to start over, and do things "right" - to enjoy the new opportunities that I have. But again, it's like I just really can't "feel" that. All I feel is the depression and grief. It's almost as if I'm living in a fog - just moving along. I know that time will help...but is there anything else that seems to help during this time? I am already on anti-d's, and in counseling...but it just seems that I am having trouble emerging from this funk.

I still get those days and if i let it then i will sit in that fox hole forever.

You need to focus on something. This is just pain...feelings of pain and nothing else. Other people suffer more than that...poverty, illness...death and all you are suffering is feelings of pain.

Be grateful that you are still alive and well. Feel lucky that you are not sick or even something worst.

Think of the bright side of things and stop thinking how bad things are. Better still STOP thinking.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hope it helps

Dear L.I.T.,
Unfortunately, the best cure for depression is TIME. Like you, I wanted to be cured overnight, but this is not how it usually works. The depression is so, so hard. Depending on how long you've been on your anti-d, you may need to change it. It might not be the right one for you. Call your doctor and talk to him about it. The counseling will help you, and if you can take a walk every day, even if it's a short one, that will help. Allow yourself to feel the grief and sadness, don't push it away. Tell your story to friends, church people and counselors. Each time I told my story, I would feel better. Pray as much as you can. It is good to be around people who have been through the same thing. I also wanted to sleep all the time, but would try to make myself get up and do something, however small. Time will help. Let me know if you'd like to email. I would be happy to help you in any way.
Praying for you.
KK

Dear L.I.T.,
Unfortunately, the best cure for depression is TIME. Like you, I wanted to be cured overnight, but this is not how it usually works. The depression is so, so hard. Depending on how long you've been on your anti-d, you may need to change it. It might not be the right one for you. Call your doctor and talk to him about it. The counseling will help you, and if you can take a walk every day, even if it's a short one, that will help. Allow yourself to feel the grief and sadness, don't push it away. Tell your story to friends, church people and counselors. Each time I told my story, I would feel better. Pray as much as you can. It is good to be around people who have been through the same thing. I also wanted to sleep all the time, but would try to make myself get up and do something, however small. Time will help. Let me know if you'd like to email. I would be happy to help you in any way.
Praying for you.
KK

Dear L.I.T.:

You are doing very well. You recognize what you are going through. You are looking for answers. You are looking for support. You are praying everyday. You are forcing yourself to get back into your life even though you do not feel like it.

You will get better. You will feel happy again. I know, I was there about 6 months ago. I had lived in depression for so long. I understand drugs can help but do not expect them to do it all. They take the edge off, they cannot change your life.

Just like you broke a leg and needed traction for 3 months, you are going through a much-needed and painful healing time. Keep doing all these things, your heart and happiness will heal like the leg. However, do give yourself whatever is restful to a limit. Sleep an extra hour (not all day). Play a little more. When you feel like doing something--do it instead of always looking at what you have to do.

Re: anti-depressants - stress can produce chemical reactions that interfere with the functioning of these drugs, according to my doc. Just this week she upped my dosage for this reason. Please consider having your dosage reevaluated.

Beyond that, as long as you choose to remain conscious throughout, you will have to suffer. I am convinced there is no way through this without accepting the pain as part of it. Sadly. But true.

Loud music and fast driving.

Lying on the floor listening to calmer music in the dark and watching a candle flicker till you fall asleep.

Going to bookstores and reading books.

Arrange your life so that you can sleep when you feel like it... it's easier to focus and concentrate on other things when you're well rested, even if it's an hour here or there throughout the day. My sleep cycle got so messed up.

Do things you used to do before you got married. I love vampire movies and my x hated them. So, I had 6 years of vampire movies to get caught up on.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Lyxa:
<strong> Arrange your life so that you can sleep when you feel like it... it's easier to focus and concentrate on other things when you're well rested, even if it's an hour here or there throughout the day. My sleep cycle got so messed up. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Mine too. I finally started taking Tylenol PM just so I could sleep through the night. I was waking up around 1:00 AM and lying awake for 3-4 hours. Then falling asleep in time to get up for work.

In addition to what has been said, I have taken a natural supplement called HAPPY CAMPER and it made a difference. The only way through the pain was through the pain, at least this made me feel more calm, better mood.

D.

Unfortunately, you will have to ride it out. There is no way to short circuit the pain and come out at the other end healthier. You can numb yourself out but that will get you no where but running in circles.

Journaling is a big help to me. Write down every feeling you have. Don't try to stuff your feelings of pain. Then cry, cry and cry some more....Get the pain out somehow and the day will come when you literally have no more tears left. Then you will cry again but instead of every day you will cry every other day. Then you will cry once a week and then you will only cry when a trigger comes your way.

You will heal cause you want to and you are doing the right thing and asking the right questions.

Also continue to vent here cause WE ALL know how you feel.

TW

Wow! Thank you all for responding...

I, too, am having trouble sleeping. Ironic since I am tired all the time! When I do sleep, I have had nightmares, and haven't really gotten much rest. This weekend helped, though, because I had today off.

I really appreciate the fact that there are so many responses. I had no idea that stress interferes with anti-d's...that may be a good suggestion to have my Lexapro dose increased. Driving fast and loud music <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Now there's my kind of solution! When I recover enough to at least reach the acceptance stage, and end my counseling, I plan to use that money to buy myself a sports car. It's a passion that I have that my H certainly did not share. Hmmmmmmmm a little independent statement, maybe? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

No, in all seriousness, I know everyone has to go through the pain. And I respect the need and the feeling of all emotions - not just the "happy" ones. I suppose I am just trying to look for better ways to cope. I worry that for whatever reason it will not get better. Like the light at the end of the tunnel is not really what it appears....or that I will miss it.

Thank you all, again. It really is good to know that I'm not that off track, and that everyone has to go through this.