<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Something I never thought I would do. Never wanted it but things have dragged on for over a year and I'm still where I started.

I've been considering it for some time now and consultation with Lawyer confirmed it to be in my best interest.

As much as I know it's the right thing to do for me and as much as I want to get it over with already. The decission is quite a downer.

So as soon as I get the retainer in to my lawyer, she's starting the paperwork. We may wait to serve after Xmas but I don't think that realy matters.

Heck mayby thats what I can get STBX for Xmas. Seems to be what she wants more than anything <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

WIWH

I understand your dilemma. My situation had been going on for just under a year, based on my best guess of when the E/A really began in earnest for my X.

I didn't want to file. I actually filed for 2 reasons: 1) I was tired of being in limbo, and 2) he made some financial threats and between that and his drinking, I was afraid he could cause me to lose everything.

I feel some financial relief (not that I'm better off--I'm not! He bounced the last 2 child support checks from October and I haven't received any for November!!). It's just that now if he totally screws himself up financially, he's not connected to my house or my cars or anything like that.

But I still frequently question whether I should have been the one to file or not. I've expressed that concern to God on several occasions. Doesn't help that X has reminded me on more than one occasion that it was ME who chose this path because it was ME who filed. (Not sure what he considers to be the alternative...stay married but to a man who lives as though he's married to someone else??)

My point: While I don't exactly know your situation, and I don't think living in limbo forever is a good thing, just be really sure you want this. Once you file the papers and she accepts receipt, if your state is like Iowa, the only way to stop the divorce if you change your mind is to get her to agree to it. If she refuses to agree to dismiss it, it'll still go through, even if you are the one who originally filed.

Neither option--staying and waiting, or filing--is easy.

I know in my mind that I am better off out of my marriage (and I believe my kids are, too). It's just taking my heart some time to catch up.

LL

WIWH,

I'm expressing my condolences for your past marriage. I know how it feels to finally realize that it's dead, and while one side of you is a bit detached and knows it for the best--the other side of you is sad because you'll never have that marriage and family that you thought you had.

I agree with your logic and reasoning...at this point it is in your best interest to protect yourself and move on. We may love our WS's but at some point it just becomes clear they're not coming back. Eventually, you will begin to feel it's best too, but not now...not tonight.

For tonight feel sad. It's okay--you deserve it. Maybe it would help if you had a funeral--write an obit--cremate it. Maybe it would help if you gave yourself permission to also feel a little bit excited that now your future is decided rather than being in limbo--that your life is now your own and you can do with it what you will. It's okay to feel some anticipation, so if you feel that, it's cool...you're normal.

Weeeeeeell...normal?? I don't know about NORMAL but close anyway (heehee).

You will have a new future in the approaching new year! It will be okay, WIWH.


CJ

sorry!

you know it is a grieving process. You have been onthe board enoughto know what you are going to go thru.

I know how you feel. I'm going to file too. My WH wants out so badly. I tried to hang on and fight for us but have decided that if this is the person that he has become then I don't want him. He's in love with the OW and they have been together over a year. I have no hope for us. I'll just be glad to get him out of my life! I knkow it will be very hard but I'm a strong person and have lots of support. I hope you have a good support system. You will be ok.

WIWH,

I can't beleive we are having the same thoughts, well I guess I can or we wouldn't be here!
I just wanted to say that I don't think it gets any easier. I have been going through this pain of H being with OW/OC for over a year now and I was tired and saw no hope so I filed.

I am still not happy about doing it, sad most of the time. However I see no other choice in the matter. Since he has produced a baby with her and is living there, I see no other recourse.

So I am sorry for your pain I know I am living it as well, just pray about it and rust that things will someday get better.

I know they will in time. Wishing you the best in all you do!

JT

Lords Lady,

I don't expect W to ever suggest that I chose this path because I filed. She chose, defined, and reitterated the path to me quite clearly. I'm just going to take the lead. And no I'm not sure I want this. I never wanted this. It has been forced on me so I am accepting it. I do know that I don't want what I had.

Cj

You are one of the few people that have ever even come close to refering to me as normal <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I've known for some time now that W isn't coming back to M and that M is dead. It's just time to get things moving. I guess what makes me sad about it is that I spent so much time and effort to stop D and now I am putting my time , effort, and money into moving it along.

Stone Cold.

It is very easy to say what you will be going through and what to expect. I have an idea whats ahead of me but I think experiencing it will always be different than what is expected, good or bad.

TreeReich adn JT,

The only OP in my picture is the OP that STBXW became. She became someone that I found myself not wanting back. I used to think that I missed her, but I don't. I miss being part of the family.

Well now I just have a different kind of family. In fact I think it's a better one for me and the kids when they're with me. I don't need to please anyone but me and my kids and it makes for a much less stressfull life. STBXW couldn't be pleased.

I feel that this is a big decision on my part do to the fact that I'm against D and don't think it was necessary. But I think that once the ball is rolling and the limo is over, I will feel more like it was the right decission.


Thanks All

WIWH