I haven't been around for a few months. Here is the link to my previous thread if anyone needs it: It's been 20 yrs, Why now?

I finally got back to the States on the 4th of July. That seemed like a very good day to return home. I immediately started looking for a house, bought a house, painted the majority of the inside while going to visit dad at the hospital daily and I'm still working on unpacking.

My dad decided to have surgery to remove his tumor. He had his surgery on Aug 4 and developed many infections after. He never did recover and passed away on Sep. 6. My DH was able to get home on emergency leave just in time. I am so thankful that I had those last few weeks to see my dad.

On the OC front; things had been going well with the contact until June when I found out that the FOW spoke to my DD on the phone when she was talking to the OC. I sent an email to ask her not to have any contact with my COM. Nuclear bombs went off. OC decided he needed space and wanted NC. I was enraged...how dare he start all this turmoil and start establishing a relationship with COM and then he wants to take a break! I realize he felt like his mom had been wronged and chose her side but she only gives him info that benefits her. I had so much I wanted to say but I respected his wishes and have had NC.

He has since re-established C with DS and tried to with DD but she hasn't responded. I thought things were moving along again, nice and slow, but no.

I got a call from my SIL last week that FOW had called her and on her cell phone no less. FOW said she looked her up on the internet but she didn't even know that DH had a sister. My guess is she was looking through the old yearbook again and found her maiden name. She had to have paid to find her info. The first excuse for her call was medical history. SIL said she knew that had been provided. FOW then asked if she knew about OC and SIL said yes, the whole family knows, DB isn't hiding anything. Then FOW said something about she wanted to do a family tree for OC for Christmas. SIL said sorry can't help you with that. I won't give out any personal info and it's not your place to do that. SIL gave her the what for that I've never been able to.

I spent several days working on an email ~ it took many revisions to make it "nice" but firm. I tried to send it and my email address is blocked. Then I tried to send it from DH's email, also blocked. How do you like them apples? Guess someone knew there would be a response. I did send it from one of my old email accounts that is still open. That one wasn't blocked but I don't know if it was read and really now, I don't care. I just hope this will be the end of the tricks. I just want this hellacious year to be over.

Happy news: DS just got his first report card and it's almost all A's, only one B. He spent most of last year failing and barely pulled it up to have enough credits to move up. Also, DH got the assignment he asked for and we will be going to Colorado next year. Yeah!

Sorry to hear your dad passed. Happy to hear about the new assignment though. As for oc it's crazy that xow would have theses antics now 20 some odd years later. Here's praying she grows up and lets her grown son establish a relationship w/ his dad's family if he wants to on his own.

That pretty much sums up what I told her. It's between DH and OC and us, she has no place in that part of OC's life. She told my SIL that she was acting on the OC's behalf. I told her he's an adult and doesn't need her to do that. I know from talking to him previously that he has told her to stay out of his business. DH is trying to call OC and see if he's aware of this latest development but with the time difference (and being in Iraq), it's a little hard. I am still flabbergasted that she took it upon herself to start contacting other members of DH's family. Maybe XOW will stop now since she found out they all know.

I am thankful that I didn't have to pay all those years of CS but one the other hand, sometimes (if/since he's in our lives now) I'm a little sad that we missed out on all those years of knowing him growing up but only sometimes because then I would have had to deal with XOW for all those years as well.

I commend all you ladies (and men) that deal with it from day one and having to rebuild your marriages as well as deal with an OC. I don't know if we would have made it if I had known about the A from the beginning. Life has a funny way of working things out.

Sad to her about your father. But glad to get an update from you on how you are doing. It was a mixed blessing I think not knowing in your case. In mine, I still wish I would have known 17 years ago. I believe I would have rather dealt with cs and court ordered visits to know the children, even if it meant dealing with the psychotic surrogate by theft in my case.

Very sorry to hear about your dad...its always extremely difficult to lose a parent.

It's a shame the OW hasn't grown an inch in all these years...how sad, but not surprising. I wish your family the very best.

Doxie, I'm sorry about your dad. Glad DH could be there. I hope that is the end of XOW's insanity. PTH.

Young people can be so self-centered and full of drama, of course, but it sounds like the 'kids' are working it out.

I hope the path ahead is smooth and pain-free.
J

doxie
sorry about your dad, and happy to hear that your DS is doing well in school.
its sure nice to move out and start anew, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />goodluck!

Thanks Denise. How are you doing?

we are doing okay -- i mean the load is lighter than it is a year ago -- i have replies in your post at SB

i'm happy you're relocating -- we did just that after a year -- to start anew -- now we are adapting to the new location and i guess we are happier now --