I decided that my husband and my relationship was not working. So I said it was over. We had been trying to talk and work things out as we have 3 wonderful kids together. Our divorce went through in Oct. We however were/still are talking and working on things. We decided for him to move back in with me and the kids last Saturday night. In the middle of watching tv we were discussing honesty and how important it was for us to be completely honest with eachother from that point on. So he comes clean. He had met a girl a week after she turned 18 and in that week they spent together she got pregnant. She is due in 3 months. I am devistated!! I am feeling so many emotions. I love him and want us to continue on our path. It all has been going so well. They are not speaking anymore at all. He says he wants nothing to do with her or the baby. She keeps changing her mind. One day it is that she wants to forget he ever exsisted and not put his name down or ask for any child support then the next it is she wants to rake him through the coals to hurt him. I start to feel like I am strong enough to stand by his side and then at other times I just break down and cry and am just beside myself wondering who is this man I married? I feel like I don't even know him anymore. I am so up and down with emotions. I know I want to stand by his side and go on, but I don't know if I am strong enough. What do I do? Is it normal to have all these different feelings? Will they ever go away? If I don't know if I can be strong enough, do I still hold on? HELP!!!!!!

You divorced him for a reason. He has reinforced that decision. What kind of man fathers a child and then wants nothing to do with it? The OW will come to her senses soon enough and figure out that his money is green and come after it.

You need to look after your children at this point.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I have to say this statement doesn't sit well with me:


I don't think he is being completely honest. Did he say he met her a week before she turned 18 or is this a fact that you know? It sounds like he is trying to cover his tracks for having sex with a minor. If he did her parents can have him arrested. I am so sorry you are going through all of this. How old are you both?

He did hang out with her a few weeks before she turned 18 but she wouldn't let him do anything. (Her words) But then a week after she turned 18 game on I guess. Both have similar stories. I went out to eat with her, our kids are going to be siblings. My feeling is that this is not the kids' fault so no matter what I swallow my feelings to make it better for the kids.

so it is actually okay for you to be "friends" with the girl because your kids are going to be "siblings"

have you thought that maybe you are making life easier for both your h and his ow?

sorry to be blunt but its the way i see it.

If you have not filed for child support, do so immediately. Make sure that your children are taken care of first.

I also tried to be friendly with the OW for our kids sake. All it got me was her doubling her efforts to come inbetween me and my H again. In these situations..friendship never works.

What is your XH prepared to do?

You may also want to try SurvivingBetrayal.com many of our members here also post there. It is a site specifically designed to deal with OC's or other children. They are very knowledgable and have helped me a great deal. However, to recover your marriage..all the info you need is right here.

Stick around we may seem harsh at times..but that is because we care and have already been where you are.

Of course, your feelings are normal. This is the most horrible thing that can happen to a couple. You said you are divorced. Did you get CS for your 3 children set up? I would stay divorced for now and I wouldn't let him move back in yet. This is far from over, just because he says he is not talking to her now. You need to protect yourself from what is coming.

How old is your H, that you have 3 children......and he is hanging around with 18 year olds?

I would not have anymore interaction with the OW. She is still highly invested in your H and will not tell you the truth. Be very careful about mingling your children with her. Her child is not born yet and your boundaries are not in place yet. Stay away from her. If your exH wants to reconcile with you, he needs to stay away from her too. He must show with actions what he intends to do and earn his way back with you. That will not happen if he is still seeing her.

Many decisions have to be made. And since you are already divorced, they are largely his to be made. Think very hard about wanting your children to be involved with OW/OC in the future. It is a very tough road and will put extreme stress on your relationship with your exH. I have never seen a situation where there was mutual respect and harmony between the OW and the H/W when they are trying to share custody. It includes court battles, visitation nightmares, power struggles and mind games.......largely from the OW.

Think very carefully if you want to be part of that and what that for your children. It doesn't matter if OC is their sibling. That does not make him/her family.......expecially since you are divorced. YOU make your own family choices and who is in it and who is not. You did NOT make this choice for yourself or your children. Don't be forced into it or feel guilty about OC and making them part of your life (unless you REALLY want it), because you DID NOT CREATE THIS DISASTER. You were not consulted and you should not be asked to pick up the pieces.

Don't move too quickly. Take your time. Things change. Feelings change. Give yourself time to process all of this. Take Guided's advice and investigate the other website, too. People will give you opinions here that can be very helpful, but until they have been faced with an OC, they don't really know what it is like.

Protect yourself and your children first, both financially and emotionally. Then proceed with what you will do with your exH and the disaster he has created. If you choose to remarry, you will be responsible, with H, for 18 years of child support, insurance, daycare, medical bills, etc. (and OW), whether you have contact with them or not. At this point, that is just on him. Plus your family. What was he thinking?

Take care. Take comfort in knowing there are lots of women who have gone before you that can give guidance. But ultimately, you will make your decisions based on the facts.

NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!! You do NOT have to be friends with her! That only helps them with their guilt and hurts you and your children. NC is the way to go. What happens if you play nice and it turns out that it isn't your WH's child? I also don't buy the waiting until she turns 18 crap. They could have decided what to say so they have the same story to tell. She is barely legal. I suspect some day (when she grows up) this will all hit her like a rock and she will be angry and may spill the beans on the truth. Protect you and your children from this woman by keeping your distance. I did some stupid things when I was 18 (nothing like this but stupid) and I regret hurting the ones I did. She may reach that point too. She may also end up feeling your WH took advantage of her. Who knows what will happen so the father you keep the kids away from the situation the better.