Struggling w/ Decision - 07/28/08 04:08 PM
Hi All!
I am a newbie to this site and was directed here by others in my situation from another site.
I am not going to go thru the a whole story again. I am actually tired of talking about it but struggle with the decisions that I have made because of it.
My H had an A w/ an XGirlfriend (someone that has wanted him all her life and has waited patiently) . They secretly kept in touch over the years and he would talk to her when he thought he could not talk to me during difficult times in our marriage. Well the calls led to them meeting which led to a brief affair in which he stated he ended because he realized it was wrong he loved me and his family. Well it did not end because she intentionally got pregnant. Well he hid this from me until I found out about it 1 1/2 later and OC was about 9mths old. I am truly disgusted about the whole situation and w/my H because I was pregant as well and the OC is 2 mths older than my son. Well after all the dust settled from the news ( major dust) we decided to work on our marriage and try to keep our family together but him knowing that I could not stay if ther was going to be continued C with OW and/or OC and that the OC couuld not be integrated into our family.He struggled with it at first but he did call the OW and told her that he would have No role or involvement in OC's life. Something OW offered him in the beginning and me when all this blew wide open. So we took her up on her offer. This was a call that I wanted to take place with me present but did not and H states he has done it but I just do know wether or not to believe him. I want to but I feel I should not until I get proof. He has been so deceitful I feel that I do not know this man anymore. So here is my dilemma?
How do I trust him again?
I worry if he will be able to keep his promise of NC w/ OC? H told that if there was C there would definitely be no me...divorce.
I struggle with my logical decision ( commitment to family, young boys, do not want to be a single mom, belief in a two parent household, financially secure , stay at home mom, not wanting to give up what I worked so hard to achieve in life because of someones elses stupidity) to stay but emotionally I am beating myself up in regards to my own moral values and principles and my own self respect and dignity. How do you cope with this? The humiliation etc...
and bottom line does this get better I just feel so numb to the whole situation right now.
I am a newbie to this site and was directed here by others in my situation from another site.
I am not going to go thru the a whole story again. I am actually tired of talking about it but struggle with the decisions that I have made because of it.
My H had an A w/ an XGirlfriend (someone that has wanted him all her life and has waited patiently) . They secretly kept in touch over the years and he would talk to her when he thought he could not talk to me during difficult times in our marriage. Well the calls led to them meeting which led to a brief affair in which he stated he ended because he realized it was wrong he loved me and his family. Well it did not end because she intentionally got pregnant. Well he hid this from me until I found out about it 1 1/2 later and OC was about 9mths old. I am truly disgusted about the whole situation and w/my H because I was pregant as well and the OC is 2 mths older than my son. Well after all the dust settled from the news ( major dust) we decided to work on our marriage and try to keep our family together but him knowing that I could not stay if ther was going to be continued C with OW and/or OC and that the OC couuld not be integrated into our family.He struggled with it at first but he did call the OW and told her that he would have No role or involvement in OC's life. Something OW offered him in the beginning and me when all this blew wide open. So we took her up on her offer. This was a call that I wanted to take place with me present but did not and H states he has done it but I just do know wether or not to believe him. I want to but I feel I should not until I get proof. He has been so deceitful I feel that I do not know this man anymore. So here is my dilemma?
How do I trust him again?
I worry if he will be able to keep his promise of NC w/ OC? H told that if there was C there would definitely be no me...divorce.
I struggle with my logical decision ( commitment to family, young boys, do not want to be a single mom, belief in a two parent household, financially secure , stay at home mom, not wanting to give up what I worked so hard to achieve in life because of someones elses stupidity) to stay but emotionally I am beating myself up in regards to my own moral values and principles and my own self respect and dignity. How do you cope with this? The humiliation etc...
and bottom line does this get better I just feel so numb to the whole situation right now.