Police Officer/Husbands/A's - Marriage Builders® Forums

I did some frightning research not long ago and learned that 70% of Law Enforcement Officers have affairs! Can I just add that I DON'T like to be a statistic! I don't know...is it the job? Is it a power trip? In our case, the OW works in the same line of work, SORT OF...but is not a cop. She ONLY pursued officers, to my understanding. So, when the national average divorce rate is 50%, how many of those are cops? MANY! (I haven't had a full cup of Starbucks yet, so math is not my strong point this morning.) What a great incentive to make this work instead of adding to the numbers. Ironically, SEVERAL of the officers who have been a great support system are CURRENTLY involved in affairs! Originally my concern with this was that they were stroking his ego and justifying this for him...basically defeating the whole purpose. However, I have since learned that it is quite the opposite. Yes, they are supportive...but they also feel that H and I are good people who can beat this. They have done a great thing for us...A group of them taken an annual trip to a large lake in the southwest...big yacht, waterskiing, jetskiing, food, fun, a VACATION! We talked about going, but then when the C/S order came through, it became clear that the money wouldn't be there. Officers kept asking if we were going and my H would make one excuse or another...."I can't get vacation time that week", "There's no one to keep the kids" and on and on...One evening the phone rang... It was the organizer of the trip. One of the participants is one of my H's supervisors. The time off has been arranged. Another person had information regarding a kennel to put the dogs in. Then came the big surprise...the group had pooled together the money....they were all paying for us to go. All we have to do is arrange with a few family members to keep the kids and put the dogs in the kennel.Some days just knowing there are support systems around you is enough to keep me going. I am thankful for our support systems...both individually and together!Just rambling...

Hi, I usually post on the General Questions board. I was just wondering around the site and decided to read a couple of posts over here. I WAS involved with a MM and left him alone to be with a SG but as the people on the GQ board say, I jumped out of the pan and into the fire. My SG is a cop and he had an affair on his W and got the OW pregnant. The OC is now 2 years old and my cop friend and his wife just finalized their divorce in February. I didn't know the statistics were that high.

Fighting:A very close friend of mine for the past thirty years worked at the police department in homicide. When we were sweet young things, I would meet my friend for drinks and usually one or two of her buddies (boys in blue) would join us. My friend never ever ran around with any of them because she is just that way. She tells a good yarn and keeps them laughing at the bar and is every guys best friend but has the most incredible moral stanard I've ever seen in a woman.She told me that most of her coworkers were married and running around on their wives. She pointed out a gaggle of geese at the bar and said, "See those scags? They're "Cop Groupies". They stalk cops and try to get close to them for the thrill of danger by osmosis. It's just something they get off on, and they don't care who's at home crying her eyes out."I remember watching these 'scags' with naive innocence and awe that people could be so rotten. And at the same time, disgusted with the cops. My friend went onto say that it is really tough for a cop to ignore the advances sometimes, especially when they've been close to someone's death and they feel the need to reaffirm life somehow; that the pressure is staggering and cops are extremely susceptible to infidelity. The hero worship is fun for them too, with adoring cop groupies licking their boots, among other things. It's so easy and they're so easy and available and go out of their way to bag a cop.My friend just got married for the first time in her life to an old 'retired' cop who is clearly out of gas and not in danger of entering into an affair...he's exhausted and my friend is happy, happy, happy. However, she is nearly brain dead from hearing the redundant stories over and over and over again....HahahaFighting, always remember forewarned is forearmed...you can counter a lot of this by staying alert and paying attention to everything.LoveCatnip =^^=

Dear Irish,I also had no idea the stats were so high. And, Catnip, I think that you have pinpointed what I consider the problem. There are women who throw themselves at men in uniform. My H is a SWAT commander -- very glamorous, great uniform and special weapons. Women play up to him and he is a natural born flirt. I guess the problem is self-explanatory.I think that part of what led to the A is that when you have been married for a long time, the hum-drum daily existence kicks in and you no longer have those stars in your eyes when you look at your guy. It doesn't mean the love and the magic isn't there, it just gets lost sometimes with the dry cleaning, kids' lunches, and dirty dishes.Along comes a woman who look at your H like he is Prince Charming and Superman rolled into one. He loves that attention and that charge that comes from being adored. Next thing you know, the OW is in bed with him and you're on the MB Forum...One of the things that I have learned now is the art of making time for us -- the dry cleaning will get clean another day, the dishes won't disintegrate if they are not done, and if the kids buy a hot dog it won't kill them. It is particularly important to pay attention when he has a really stressful day and he needs to unwind -- that is not the time to moan about the weeds that he never got around to. In my book, nothing excuses the A, but there are so many ways to make home more inviting so that his needs are met here. Every day is a learning experience. Thank you guys, for sharing your insight.love, heavenly

HI,I was engaged to a police officer in NYC for 2 years. All the other wives would tell about the statistics. Infidelity, alcoholism and suicide... It must directly coincide with the demanding and dangerous job. Not to mention the cop groupies Catnip was talking about. I saw that too. And many in-office affairs going on. But that happens everywhere, I guess.That's not to say you can lump everyone in that group. There's good and bad in us all. We can learn from our mistakes!

I think it happens in all professions that have men and women working together, or having bussiness contacts. I don't care if they are janitors, ceo's, volunteers, neighbors, etc. My point is, where men and women are together, there is danger. How many times did I say "no" to a pass? Why coudn't H? I think it is universal, not just police officers. ember

Hey there, Precisely why when my H got out of the army (another of those high stats) and said he wanted to be a cop I told him he could do it without me. he was offered a great job in DC with the Secret Service making almost triple what he settled for but that was just too close to home. THere is a lot of that hero worship crap in all those fields and I wanted out. Now my H works a boring mundane job surrounded by men. I dont want him to have to stay there for life bc he is so much more than that, but until we are on better ground it is great with me. Love bw

H is ex-military fly boy. Retired senior officer. Real risk taker, probably a lot in common with police officers.MJ

I too have had a pass or two. And said NO. I just think some people have a lower threshhold for excitement than others.love Debips. Men in uniform? OHHHlala....But I'd still say no.------------------ Imagine....

My weakness are Cowboys...Yee-ha!Catnip =^^=