It has been so long since I have posted, I sort of ran scared a while back when there was some nasty stuff going on.

Well, tomorrow (7/16) is the 2 year anniversary of D-day. I am waiting for something magical to happen within myself. I believe I was told near the beginning of my pain and healing that it took two years. Life has been good but not perfect, I fear a lot and have moments of obsessive thought about the whole thing. My H seems to have just moved on, he does everything right mostly. We have some differences when it comes to parenting but this is totally unrelated to the affair. However despite how he does everything "right" and is attentive to our family my love is just kind of hangin' in there. I'm not sure if I am conveying what I feel correctly but that is the best I can do. I'm just sort of going through the motions as far as our relationship.

I know a lot has to do wiht the limbo status of whether there truly is an OC or not, or if there was - is it his or not. Then to add to this H had a vasectomy done the end of April against my wishes. (I sat in the waiting room the whole time and cried) We have two children and are very happy with them but I just didn't want to be so final yet. So that has put a big old damper on the sex drive. Then I think to myself - Geez, he is so scared to have another C with me he gets fixed - where was the fear two years ago?

Okay, now I am getting myself all worked up. Happy D-day to me - right!?!?! I also have the post vacation blues today and am PMSing, so I am a mess.

Hello - to everyone and anyone who may remember me.

Carrie

Carrie,
I do not remember you but I will keep you in my prayers. D-day is always hard! It does sound like you are not certain if OC is your H. IF that is true, then we are in a similiar situation.

Dawn

Hi Carrie,
I remember you! YAA HOO two yrs. I had to stop and think how long its been for me the 3yr mark has come and gone and I didnt even realize it. Now if you would have told me that a yr ago I dont think I would have believed it.

It just seems to happen. I found when we get real busy with our business (which we are so bad right now I dont have time to think) it really helps to forget about all the crap.

I remember feeling pretty bad still at the two year mark try to find something special to do for yourself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Dont get to disappointed if it takes a little longer. Good to hear from you.
with love flowerseed

Carriemom...

So, you never found out one way or the other, huh?

That would make me nuts, too, I suppose, although I have a real talent for ignoring bad stuff and focusing on good stuff. But, I know the wondering would surface occasionally and I would be prone to obsessing. Probably to the point of hiring an investigator to get to the truth. Forewarned IS forearmed. I hate surprises popping up in the future when you least expect it, yet at the same time, it is a relief not to live the drama or pay the huge amounts of money.

As far as this is your two year D-Day, just take it for what it is...another day on the calendar and remember that you are thinking about this far more than your hsuband is...in fact, I bet if you never mention it, he wouldn't even think anything about it. He has moved on, Carriemom...and that is a good thing as long as you feel he has given you what you have needed to heal. If you are lukewarm in your feelings for your husband, he will eventually pick up on that. I hope you would consider Retrouvaille to get the two of you through this angst and on the other side of the healing process. I know you do love your husband and perhaps are carrying a grudge...which is understandable. Don't get me wrong. But if not knowing is keeping you from opening up to your hsuband, an investigator might be the answer for peace of mind and moving forward.

There are things you both can do to get past this icky time. I'll keep you in my prayers that you can think of creative ways to rebuild your marraige and feelings for one another. I am glad he is doing everything you want for the most part.

Love

Catnip =^^=