OW resurfaces ... again. - 09/07/02 01:41 AM
Ok, I feel like I'm in that aweful movie Groundhog Day.
Everytime I think I have cleared all hurdles with regards to this damn affair, it comes crashing in my quaint little world like a tornado!
I hope I write this clearly so everyone can follow along.
Wednesday night/Thursday morning my husband's cell phone rings at 1:30am. He's in a coma as usual so I reach over him to answer it. The caller hangs up. I shake my H to ask him who's number is ***-***-**** that shows up on the caller I.D. He says he's not sure, but someone from that number paged him earlier and he returned the phone call from his cell and no one answered. I make a mental note and doze back to sleep. The next morning I get his cell and check the call log. One missed call from same number, one dialed call and one received call that I answered. More mental notes.
The next evening after I got off work I called the number myself and guess who answers? You guessed it SAH (those of you who chat off boards know that's the ancronym for my nick name for OW)
So I flat ask her why she called my husband. First she says she was trying to reach a friend with the same name and since both were saved in her cell phone she accidentally dialed my husband. <note: she said nothing about a page>
Then I asked what about the call at 12:30pm earlier that day. She says, "oh, same thing". I said, "how about you delete his number from your phone and never call him or this house again." She says fine... end of conversation.
About an hour later H gets home from work and I tell him I called the number and spoke with OW and their stories don't match, so he better come up off the truth.
He confesses that he had spoke to her earlier that day when she called. I asked what the convo was about. He says she was calling to tell him she's moving back to N.Y. <yeah!> And that she was wanting one more go around in the hay to say goodbye! <what the hell!> He says he told her he wasn't down with that and said he wished her farewell, end of convo. <yeah right!>
So he heads out to walk the dog. Of course you know the woman in me couldn't resist and I pick up the phone and dial the SAH's number. She answers and I ask her what kind of tramp can continually throw her pussi at a married man. I asked her if she had an ounce of self respect she'd crawl back under a rock.
Then she asks did H tell me that she called him. I said, "he sure did." She then says well he's lying to you again. He and I have been seeing and talking to each other for three years, even when he told you we weren't. And I can have him anytime I want because he never loved you and stays with you because of the kids and the money. She then says, "in fact he was with me three nights ago" <that would have been Monday night> I said no he wasn't, he was home with me. She then starts her rant again how they've been fuquing on and off and he'll keep coming back to her because I don't fulfill him.
She continued to rant as H walked through the door and I handed him the phone to hear what she was saying. He never said a word and just quietly hung up the phone.
Then I started asking him why she would say that they were seeing each other, and how could he be over there three nights ago. I told him something wasn't right and she was too comfortable and too free to spout off like that. She talked liked she had power and I could feel it.
After probing and yelling he finally came clean. This is his version of the story.
A week ago <from the time of this discussion> he was at the KFC picking up the honey bbq wings for dinner. They told him it'd be 15 minutes because they didn't have enough made for our order. I'm not clear on when he got the page whether it was in the drive through, or before he got there, but he said he answered the page and it turned out to be OW. She lives literally a block away from the KFC and somehow they agreed to meet out in front of her complex while he waited for the wings to finish cooking.
According to him they talked casually for a few minutes and he left to get our food and came home.
Then he says she paged him that day before the middle of the night phone call and that's when she solicited him for sex. He said he turned her down and then came the late night phone call.
Well ladies I was furious. Furious because he lied. Furious he went over there. Furious she keeps popping back into our lives for no good reason. Furious she thinks she can call him whenever the hell she wants to. Furious he hasn't slammed the message louder and clearer into her head that he wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole. Furious that I'm now left with nagging doubt and distrust.
As you can probably see, I'm still a little pissed. Three days of fighting and praying later, I give in and let go and let God. Whatever happened between them so be it. I cannot control it. And I'll never know the truth.
He says he swears nothing sexual happened. He says that he has been happier with his marriage in the last year than he could have ever imagined and that he prays I won't disregard everything good he and we have done in the last year. You know I told him he was the one that tossed it in the wind and hoped it fell back in his hands.
He says he made a stupid choice to go see her and an even stupider choice to lie to me about everything. He says he never (even now) has had ill feelings towards her and now he realizes he was being selfish in thinking he could see and talk to her. <uh hello, POJA>
So I explain this is like another D-day. I have to start all over from stratch trusting again. He says he realizes that he has to put the work into earning my trust. <heck yeah, you do>
So guess who calls him AGAIN today. Yep, the snatch wants to tell him that she's pissed at me! <hello, you deserve it and more> That she wants to sweep us all under the rug and is grateful that in two weeks she'll be hundreds of miles from us. <I think she's deranged>
H says he told her good, because she doesn't ever need to call either of us again. Farewell, good ridance, nice life.
So here I sit. He's at his mom's right now helping her move some furniture around and I don't know what to think or feel. I'm kind of numb from all this.
I have doubts and insecurities. I have anger and rage. I don't know what to do or how to do it.
A part of me says that there is no way in hell he's been faking over the last year. He's been so loving and so attentive, nothing like he was during the affair. He's been so very active in our church and obviously much closer to God. He even mentioned how he knew that God was not looking down on him favorable for this whole recent mess.
But the other side of me says, I'll never really know what transpired between them. What really happened and if it happened at all like he said. This whole moving to NY thing could be a story concocted to throw me off.
Oh how our mind works overtime to keep doubt alive.
errrrrrrr. He says he wants to be done of her and this whole mess and doesn't want to talk about it anymore. But I'm here with unanswered questions, and quite frankly I don't know if I can believe him no matter how much he reassures me.
Everytime I think I can trust again he goes and does something stupid like this. What is the draw to her. It's like a moth to a flame. I even took a picture of OC and wrote on it "you play with fire you get burnt" and put it in his daytimer. Oh why can't he just learn and grow the fuque up! Selfish [censored].
I hate this mess. I hate that I even have to be dealing with this. Oh my wise dear friends Catnip, Heavenly, Tigger, Unsure, Jenny, BTDT and others what am I too think? What should I be feeling? What do I do?
Z.
edited for typos.
<small>[ September 06, 2002, 08:46 PM: Message edited by: zebrababy ]</small>
Everytime I think I have cleared all hurdles with regards to this damn affair, it comes crashing in my quaint little world like a tornado!
I hope I write this clearly so everyone can follow along.
Wednesday night/Thursday morning my husband's cell phone rings at 1:30am. He's in a coma as usual so I reach over him to answer it. The caller hangs up. I shake my H to ask him who's number is ***-***-**** that shows up on the caller I.D. He says he's not sure, but someone from that number paged him earlier and he returned the phone call from his cell and no one answered. I make a mental note and doze back to sleep. The next morning I get his cell and check the call log. One missed call from same number, one dialed call and one received call that I answered. More mental notes.
The next evening after I got off work I called the number myself and guess who answers? You guessed it SAH (those of you who chat off boards know that's the ancronym for my nick name for OW)
So I flat ask her why she called my husband. First she says she was trying to reach a friend with the same name and since both were saved in her cell phone she accidentally dialed my husband. <note: she said nothing about a page>
Then I asked what about the call at 12:30pm earlier that day. She says, "oh, same thing". I said, "how about you delete his number from your phone and never call him or this house again." She says fine... end of conversation.
About an hour later H gets home from work and I tell him I called the number and spoke with OW and their stories don't match, so he better come up off the truth.
He confesses that he had spoke to her earlier that day when she called. I asked what the convo was about. He says she was calling to tell him she's moving back to N.Y. <yeah!> And that she was wanting one more go around in the hay to say goodbye! <what the hell!> He says he told her he wasn't down with that and said he wished her farewell, end of convo. <yeah right!>
So he heads out to walk the dog. Of course you know the woman in me couldn't resist and I pick up the phone and dial the SAH's number. She answers and I ask her what kind of tramp can continually throw her pussi at a married man. I asked her if she had an ounce of self respect she'd crawl back under a rock.
Then she asks did H tell me that she called him. I said, "he sure did." She then says well he's lying to you again. He and I have been seeing and talking to each other for three years, even when he told you we weren't. And I can have him anytime I want because he never loved you and stays with you because of the kids and the money. She then says, "in fact he was with me three nights ago" <that would have been Monday night> I said no he wasn't, he was home with me. She then starts her rant again how they've been fuquing on and off and he'll keep coming back to her because I don't fulfill him.
She continued to rant as H walked through the door and I handed him the phone to hear what she was saying. He never said a word and just quietly hung up the phone.
Then I started asking him why she would say that they were seeing each other, and how could he be over there three nights ago. I told him something wasn't right and she was too comfortable and too free to spout off like that. She talked liked she had power and I could feel it.
After probing and yelling he finally came clean. This is his version of the story.
A week ago <from the time of this discussion> he was at the KFC picking up the honey bbq wings for dinner. They told him it'd be 15 minutes because they didn't have enough made for our order. I'm not clear on when he got the page whether it was in the drive through, or before he got there, but he said he answered the page and it turned out to be OW. She lives literally a block away from the KFC and somehow they agreed to meet out in front of her complex while he waited for the wings to finish cooking.
According to him they talked casually for a few minutes and he left to get our food and came home.
Then he says she paged him that day before the middle of the night phone call and that's when she solicited him for sex. He said he turned her down and then came the late night phone call.
Well ladies I was furious. Furious because he lied. Furious he went over there. Furious she keeps popping back into our lives for no good reason. Furious she thinks she can call him whenever the hell she wants to. Furious he hasn't slammed the message louder and clearer into her head that he wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole. Furious that I'm now left with nagging doubt and distrust.
As you can probably see, I'm still a little pissed. Three days of fighting and praying later, I give in and let go and let God. Whatever happened between them so be it. I cannot control it. And I'll never know the truth.
He says he swears nothing sexual happened. He says that he has been happier with his marriage in the last year than he could have ever imagined and that he prays I won't disregard everything good he and we have done in the last year. You know I told him he was the one that tossed it in the wind and hoped it fell back in his hands.
He says he made a stupid choice to go see her and an even stupider choice to lie to me about everything. He says he never (even now) has had ill feelings towards her and now he realizes he was being selfish in thinking he could see and talk to her. <uh hello, POJA>
So I explain this is like another D-day. I have to start all over from stratch trusting again. He says he realizes that he has to put the work into earning my trust. <heck yeah, you do>
So guess who calls him AGAIN today. Yep, the snatch wants to tell him that she's pissed at me! <hello, you deserve it and more> That she wants to sweep us all under the rug and is grateful that in two weeks she'll be hundreds of miles from us. <I think she's deranged>
H says he told her good, because she doesn't ever need to call either of us again. Farewell, good ridance, nice life.
So here I sit. He's at his mom's right now helping her move some furniture around and I don't know what to think or feel. I'm kind of numb from all this.
I have doubts and insecurities. I have anger and rage. I don't know what to do or how to do it.
A part of me says that there is no way in hell he's been faking over the last year. He's been so loving and so attentive, nothing like he was during the affair. He's been so very active in our church and obviously much closer to God. He even mentioned how he knew that God was not looking down on him favorable for this whole recent mess.
But the other side of me says, I'll never really know what transpired between them. What really happened and if it happened at all like he said. This whole moving to NY thing could be a story concocted to throw me off.
Oh how our mind works overtime to keep doubt alive.
errrrrrrr. He says he wants to be done of her and this whole mess and doesn't want to talk about it anymore. But I'm here with unanswered questions, and quite frankly I don't know if I can believe him no matter how much he reassures me.
Everytime I think I can trust again he goes and does something stupid like this. What is the draw to her. It's like a moth to a flame. I even took a picture of OC and wrote on it "you play with fire you get burnt" and put it in his daytimer. Oh why can't he just learn and grow the fuque up! Selfish [censored].
I hate this mess. I hate that I even have to be dealing with this. Oh my wise dear friends Catnip, Heavenly, Tigger, Unsure, Jenny, BTDT and others what am I too think? What should I be feeling? What do I do?
Z.
edited for typos.
<small>[ September 06, 2002, 08:46 PM: Message edited by: zebrababy ]</small>