Momto3boys = Dr.Phil - Marriage Builders® Forums

Hey M23B,

I saw you on the show today and I must admit it was (I hate to sound crazy, but...)REFRESHING. What I mean is I could finally put a face to the signature. Watching you and your H today made me feel so odd, because now you were a reality. I can't really put it into words because I am full of all sorts of doubts and emotions about the whole mess that we all are in until it's sickening.

I just wanted to tell you that I think you are pretty courageous for airing your dirty laundry on national tv, plus I know that this is your last resort at repairing your marriage. I hope that your H really looks back on what has happened thus far and see just wonderful you have been.

I have not posted to you directly before I don't believe, but you have given some good advice to me and others. I realize I think even more so that we are all on this boat of uncertainty and want to get off. With or without or H's I think is the question we are now faced with. To what extent will we go to save our marriages and to what extent will our H's go.

My H is all talk and no actions so I kind of already have made the decision to abandon ship. He is currently living with his OW and their daughter (OC)along with her three kids. He moved in with her after I put him out (in rash anger). He has been in limbo and going back and forth so to speak kind of like your H. Now he wants to come home, but it has been a year that this double life he's been leading has been going on. I no longer have the strength or energy to put forth any effort into believing him anymore. Your H was not verbally or emotionally abusive to you in any was he? Well my H was so I don't think it is going to work for me.

I didn't mean to go on but wanted to send you a little note to say it was good to put a face with the signature. I wish you the best eventhough from the show it sounds like your H is still in the FOG. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Hope to see you post later!

Praying for us all,

JT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I agree in that she is courageous. She did what I have been wanting to do but never had enough courage or strength for that matter. Thank you for being our voice.

You are an amazing and beautiful woman I hope you do realize that. And hubby well, I will leave that one alone!

I was hoping Dr Phil was going to tell you how to talk to the kids about the OC.

Hugs to you and your family!!

I am watching the show at the moment...

Unreal... You are so beautiful..and so brave...

wiz

You ladies should meet her in person....

She is wonderful!

OMG - and she is hysterical....not in the bad way....she's got a way wicked sense of humor....I think that's one of the reasons I like her so much!

I like her and have never met her. Just looking at her on yesterday when they showed tape of her talking to her H. I thought oh my goodness she is reading my mind, I have said those same exact words to my H ( curse words included )!

She's a tough cookie and I hope her H gets his head out of his a$$ and puts her first.

When she said that she had gained the weight after a few years I knew exactly what she was feeling. I feel that same pain and then I heard what Dr. Ohil said in reponse and I fell off my seat. Because he is right heck we were not going to remain that same little petite person that we were when they first married us (at least no the majority of us) we were going to age at some point. If they did not want that then they should have not gotten married.

I agreed with her he should have left the marriage before the affair, but what would have been the fun in doing that ( DOUBLE LIFE )!!!

Sorry for the rant.......

she's awesome (M23B) and thatnk you for being our mouthpiece! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

and Boy what a big mouth do I have <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

JT

I missed it, I wonder if they will rerun it.

I just got satelite Dish network is there a channel that reruns the show?

Hello,
I missed is there anyway of getting a copy of the show?

Dawn

You can order a tape of the show

here

Be sure to watch part 2 this Thursday

Pep

ok thanks pep. I will.

I missed it and will also work this Thursday. I think you are very brave to appear on TV.

Thanks Pep
For the tip. I didn't know there is going to be a second part... coming this thursday. I wouldn't miss it for the world. I wonder if the OW will appear this time??

She seems to think she is sooooooooooooo entitled; I like to hear what makes her think that she has the right to determined the state of Kandi's marriage? How does she justify..hurting three innocent boys... What blows me away is that these people are in the medical profession! And look at their mentality... UNBELIEVABLE!!

Kandi... I am sending all my prayers to you... your H is clearly a fool...

wiz

wiz

[ November 13, 2004, 07:24 PM: Message edited by: wizard ]

I never even saw this post???? WOW! Thanks all you guys! I certainly dont feel like a doormat, and whoever says I am LBing my H <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> What the **** <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> anyway, not much time to post right now...off to get sons at school..hey kimmy, is it raining downtown? It is pouring here. YUCK!

M23B,

I just want 2 tell u first of that u r in my prayers during this trying time w/ your dad. I pray 4 your strength & 4 peace in your heart during this time. Please remember 2 take of yourself even thru all this chaos.

I did watch the show & being in the same situation of the A & OC drama, I truly relate 2 your pain. I will not judge D23B for his comments or actions, unfortunately I see many of the same traits in my own H. I will say that 2 me it took a lot of courage & some type of willingness 2 repair your M that alllowed him to appear on national tv & share your problems w/ the world. Not many men would do that.

I am thankful 2 both of u also that maybe just maybe your story being told publicly will help another M couple struggling thru this. I am hoping that my H will watch the show w/ me & see that he is not so unique & neither is OW in our case & it may open his eyes 2 exactly how his actions have pretty much destroyed our M & that he will do right by all concerned & decide once & 4 all 2 put our M first or let it go.

I pray that Dr. Phil will be able 2 get thru to Dad & that your M will be on the way to recovery soon.

U r a beautiful woman w/ a big heart & an enormous capacity 2 love. Only u will know when u have had enough if u get 2 that point, God will lead u, let him guide u. As Dr. Phil has said u can't walk away from your M until u know u have done all u can to save it, that is what u r doing, it doesn't make u a doormat by any means, u only human, a woman, a wife & a mother fighting 4 her M & her family, that takes true courage, commitment & a lot of love, it would have been so much easier 2 D Dad & walk away, but u have 2 do what is best 4 Mom & no one else.

It is sooooo easy 2 say what u would do in this situation, I used 2 say what I would do if my H ever had an A, much less fathered a child but when it happened 2 me, that plan went right out the window. If u have not experienced it u really can't speak on how u would handle it.

So sweetie my hat is off 2 u, & again just want u 2 know I am thinking of u & praying your M not only survive but be better than it ever was.

It's not over til God says so.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mom 2 3 boys}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

P.S. I posted this last week after the show on GQ, will b watching tomorrow, praying 4 u still!

Neicy,

I couldn't even read your post because I was too shocked to see you on here. I 've missed our talks! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I hope thing are looking a little brighter for you. I'll hopefully get to talk to you later.

JT

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by JT2:
 Neicy,
I couldn't even read your post because I was too shocked to see you on here. <hr /></blockquote>That's funny- I couldn't read the post because it was too painful to read the "u r 2 kool 4 sk8r gurls aNd ThEiR boi-fReinDs" lingo.

Next thing you know there will abe an A/S/L check.

Cheerful... we do try to reach out to everyone here who is in need of help.

U = YOU

2 = to

4 = for

As usual, you make it clear that you are here to try to irritate people here and be rude because you are bitter.

However, I finally realized I should be more tollerant of you-- along with being bitter and somewhat socially impaired, you also need extra help reading such complex posts.

(((cheerful))))

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by CheerfulLittleOne:
 <blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by JT2:
 Neicy,
I couldn't even read your post because I was too shocked to see you on here. <hr /></blockquote>That's funny- I couldn't read the post because it was too painful to read the "u r 2 kool 4 sk8r gurls aNd ThEiR boi-fReinDs" lingo.

Next thing you know there will abe an A/S/L check. <hr /></blockquote>You obviously haven't been here long enough to understand the people here...Have you read any of 2long posts??? He writes the same way! And I dont believe HE is "2 kool 4 sk8r gurls and their boyfriends" as you put it...matter of fact...where YOU obviously ARE as you are able to write that way! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I understand the 2's 4's and U's, but what YOU wrote has me baffled <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Hi all,

G123- You are such a nut! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I laughed all the way through your post; however, you "r" right again! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

M23B- I am glad that you always set the record straight, and I did not quite get cheerful's post either. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Neicy - understand u loud and clear! Glad to see ya. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

JT

[ November 18, 2004, 12:59 PM: Message edited by: JT2 ]

HEY J2-D2. Thats all I have time to write-- other than... M23B-- how the HECK did you get H to do this-- did he want to on his own? Wow are you very very brave and him too!

But I missed it-- and I MUST order the tape!!!! I'm so mad I didnt get to see it!!

While I genuinely sympathize with your situation, I think the two of you should be ashamed of yourselves for your respective conduct in front of your children. Shame on you. You are trying to score points against each other at your children's expense. Shame. You should be sheltering the children from this not exposing them to it.

My apologies if you are offended by my post.

TTBM

I understand what you are saying about them fighing in front of the kids. But how many of us have gotten caught up in the heat of an argument and not take in consideration the children being there?

I know to much even when you try to walk away and your spouse follows you and the kids can still hear you arguing.

In a perfect world most adults wouldn't argue in front of the children, but this isn't a perfect world. MT3B looked horrified when she seen herself in front of the children. It is an extremly hard situation to be in.

I'm not directing this to anyone, just a vent. If you have never walked in M23B shoes, not to judge! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I dont think its scoring brownie points w/ their children. Kids do grow up and form their own veiws on what, and how they feel about the situation. Its so hard to run a home, work on saving your M and deal w/ a WS that is in the fog land. And then almost NEVER having the right time and right place to bring up your feelings. Granted before the children is not good, sometimes the little ones "sneak" around the corner. I know my D, I talk to her and give her the approperate age answers for her questions. As far as sheltering, I dont agree, I beleive being honest w/ your children is the best way to be. Oh and me and my H took our conversations out to the garage and still walked in w/her ears to the door. In a situation that shouldn't be happening in the first place and some as BS had no idea was happening, emotions do come into play and sometimes you do have to get it out. If you have never lived this, you dont know!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

I've never posted to M23B or on this forum, but I watched Dr. Phil today. I agree about not fighting in front of the kids. And I do know how hard it is. My ex was very good at pushing buttons and trying to get me to argue in front of my kids. He was also very good at physically abusing me in front of my kids. KIDS ARE NOT THAT RESILIENT!!! My children are more than likely scarred forever because of things like that! 2 of my children are on medication for depression and behavior disorders. The oldest one is 15 and has been smoking, tried smoking pot, took my car without permission and ran away. And when you talk to him about it, it all comes back to all of the fighting and abuse from his father. It does have a lasting affect on them!! Please M23B, and D23B also, stop all of the arguing in front of the children. Take Dr. Phil's suggestion about the red light! Lots of hope and prayers for you guys!

Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

M23B,

I am definately not hear to judge you for any of your actions. I can not I am in the same position and have done some of the exact same things that you have including arguing in front of the children. It does not make it right and my kids are much younger, but it does happen. Now what you must do is be sure that it doesn't happen anymore. You can't erase the past, but you can direct your future habits at least. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I am SOOOOOOOOOO PROUDDDDDDD OF YOUUUUUUUUU!!! You are bringing our situations out in the open. I think it took a lot of courage on his part to come on the show as well.

My H said some terrible things to me in anger as well even much worse than ED's. I was in such agreeance with you, dr. phil and the audience until I was shouting at the TV ( and I was at work)!! I have decided to D my H for the very reasons that Dr. Phil gave Ed today on his checklist for repairing the M. I told my H those things that (my Pastor, Dr. Harley, and now Dr. Phil)were on the checklist and his very vocal response was " No woman is going to check me, and when I suggested that I deal with OW's calls etc, he told me that was "his business"!! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> So in essence it meant that he was unwilling to do what it took to get the trust back and the M on track.

Today affirmed for me that I am making the right NO ONLY decision for me and my kids. He has done nothing and continues to do nothing so I must move on. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> AND I AM OKAY WITH MOVING ON!

I knew exactly how you felt when you said that Ed was not going to involve you that closely with OW/OC. It hurts I know, but I am here with you, WE ALL ARE!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Continuing to have you in my prayers,

JT

M23B,

I saw you on Dr. Phil and thought, I wish she could know about the Marriage Builders Forum for people like us! I am so glad that you already know and are here and being supported.

Hugs to you for your courage and best of luck to you and your family.

--an oldie that doesn't get here very often.

HELLO to everyone that knows me!

[ November 19, 2004, 01:45 AM: Message edited by: happy_girl ]

Mom 23Boys,

Saw the show yesterday, hope Dr. Phil get thru to Dad soon b4 u get fed up & give up.

Hugs & prayers 2 u!

"B"

I DON'T KNOW NEICY, LIVING THROUGH IT AND I SWEAR HER H SOUNDS JUST LIKE MINE. I DON'T THINK IT MIGHT BE FOR THE BEST. OKAY - OKAY DON'T JUMP DOWN MY THROAT I'M ENTITLED TO MY OPINIONS.

I JUST FEEL SOMEWHERE DEEP DOWN ED DOESN'T REALLY REALIZE THE EFFECTS OF HIS BEHAVIOR ON ANYONE IN HIS LIFE. I AM PRAYING FOR THE BEST FOR YOU WHATEVER THAT MAY BE, JUST UNSURE OF HOW DEVOTED ED IS OR WILL EVER BE?

JT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

JT (giggle) we know your passion - quit shouting! KIDDING! Love you. Know it's hard either way.

Just wanted to post that Orchid just posted a MOST wonderful response to Mom on the GQII board that you all might like to read. Same title - or just about.

- Kimmy

Oh Lord! KIMMY!!!! I just looked at the MB photo album and saw Dealan-De...I thought, GAWLLY, that girl sure does look like KIMMY! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> couldn't figure out why Dealan-De was posting to me! DUH <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> You go girl...btw, I have MY Phone back now...8119!!!

Well, shoot! I called Ed's phone this am, but didn't leave a msg. I wonder if he knows it was me??? I'd called you on your phone when he had it before I knew you'd switched, and introduced myself...is he mad at me for DJing at him the other day?

Not that it matters. An elephant's faithful, one hundred percent...and so are girlfriends.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by tough to be me:
 While I genuinely sympathize with your situation, I think the two of you should be ashamed of yourselves for your respective conduct in front of your children. Shame on you. You are trying to score points against each other at your children's expense. Shame. You should be sheltering the children from this not exposing them to it.

My apologies if you are offended by my post. <hr /></blockquote>I don't think they did it purposly. I know with stbxh we'd be in a totally different room and the kids would walk in and we were so in grossed in our fight we'd not notice them until one spoke up. I think they know they should not do it and I bet they are working on that now. I don't know a parent alive who has not done it one time or another.

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> I know with stbxh we'd be in a totally different room and the kids would walk in and we were so in grossed in our fight we'd not notice them until one spoke up. <hr /></blockquote>Boy, is THAT the truth!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

They can show up in one second....unless you happen to be calling them!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Nerlycrzy:
 <blockquote>quote:<hr /> I know with stbxh we'd be in a totally different room and the kids would walk in and we were so in grossed in our fight we'd not notice them until one spoke up. <hr /></blockquote>Boy, is THAT the truth!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

They can show up in one second....unless you happen to be calling them!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <hr /></blockquote>AND THAT IS TRUTH TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Once or twice maybe...but your kids shouldn't know what the "name" of the OW is. That is a sure sign of the kids being involved too much.

Even when my kids were smaller, they knew mom and dad fought. But as for the details, most of it they had no idea. Before you start in about how much I would know about what they know.....my oldest is 20 and my other is 14. I have a very open relationship with both of them and the topic has come up. Believe me...neither one of them has a problem with "slamming" me if I get memories wrong. LOL!

ent