My H is driving me CRAZY wanting a baby... help me please!

I am at my wits end here ladies! I am so freaking nervous and anxious about this...

First things first-- can ANYONE out there (like Michele Hall) tell me what your experience has been having grown children and then having a new baby at age 32-33-34 or even older-- like however did you start again-- and was it BETTER being younger-- or do you enjoy being a mother more now? I had my son at 18 and it was very hard -- so my case in point made me NOT want to ever go thru the baby thing again. I know I am more mature and less selfish now- but very, very much spoiled. I just started being able to go w/my H or friends and not worry about the kids at home alone! Liberating!

Backgroud is... I already had one son when we married, who is now 14, and H's children are 10 and 11. We have full custody of my stepson, and partial of my stepdaughter (same mother). We AGREED before we married that we were very happy and full with our new blended family.

Well,RIGHT after we married he started putting MAJOR pressure on me - he wanted to have a baby with "his wife" - he wanted to have a "real" family together..... The "real" family thing is just wacky-- being that our blended family is close as can be- and we are exeptionally close blended family (even the kids with each other- go figure)! I even got the girl I always wanted thru my stepdaughter.. I feel full... I feel so lucky already with regard to the kids (and all the extra kids at my house constantly)... !!!!

But he will not, EVER leave me alone about it. He is relentless. He has tried to sabotage my birth control in any way he can-- he has proimsed on passion filled nights to -- (umm er.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> pull out).. etc.

---oh yeah... and NOW he has an OC to pay for-- <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

He makes me feel bad - he is obsessive about this-- and is always saying it hurts him that I refuse to have "his baby"... oh yipee what a novelty.. and THEN I tell him-- if he *decides* again that he will screw someone else-- YOUR BABY is going with YOU!! And I will be the weekend mommy!!

Even BEFORE our separation and A/OC, etc... I was dead set on being free of babies forever... But H is so sincerely hurt and wants to have a baby with his wife so bad- he wants to raise a child in a 2 parent loving home (since his children were also conceived by he and his ex while teenagers).. He is missing a whole life experience he says... UGH..

Any advice? Am I missing something joyful -- am I wrong to be a wife who does not want to share this experience (per say) with her H??????

I WANT MY MOMMY! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

[ January 13, 2005, 02:04 PM: Message edited by: giovanna123 ]

Giovanna, no advice ... just sending a lot of {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} for you!

G-GOOD LUCK DARLIN' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I really cant give you any advise. I'm "almost 40" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> "I know" But tied my tubes at 35 cause I didn't want to do the baby thing at 40 . Tell me God doesn't have a since of humor! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I really dont mind the step mommy thing. I do get a break! We still have OUR time! Plus we travel alot, so its just hard w/ a baby. That makes me wonder how many other people that have NC /or C had children after the OC?
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

ugh!!!!!!!!1 I'm right there w/ ya on that! IF it weren't for ME-H would have me barefoot & pg FOREVER! Can you beleive that?
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WEll, we had our first @ 19-----he & #2 are 7.5 years apart.......so I can relate a bit to freedom. No I couldn't leave him alone yet, but it was so easy to jsut UP & GO whenever we wanted, not to mention EVERYONE will babysit for ONE...a little harder to find a sitter for more than that. LOL

But anyway------------it was a HUGE adjustment for me! Suddenly it took me 30 minutes just to get IN the car!

Babies are a wonderful gift from God BUT let me remind you of a few more things.........

THe first year---just for starters............. I could not put them down for MORE than 20 min. @ a time w/ out hours of wailing (I know not every baby is like this....but some are & mine was VERy high needs)........they poop CONSTANTLY & if htey are not pooping----------they are vomitting!

You do not get to leave the house w/o some sort of permament stain on your rt. shoulder. And the constant fragrance of eue de vomit! IF they do fall asleep......you are so drained you do too OR you are so dazed you just stare @ their beautiful sleeping, tiny bodies.

Oh & don't get me strated on what YOUR body does! YOur boobs get pornographic, they leak @ the most inopportune times, & if you even THINK about sex-----baby awakes & you start leaking all @ once! LOL

You remember WHY you were supposed to be doing yoru kegels & how much of a necessity it NOW is.

You remember WHY it was you didn't want more.
YOu no longer have a purse but a goofy, unstylish, winnie the pooh diaper bag! (I hate winnie the pooh). IN an attempt to make outings smoother (I mean just getting out the door) you forgo EVERYTHING about yourself, make-up, clothes w/o spit up, ect.

Your showers turn into 5 minute spurts. Did you know you can fantasize an ENTIRE other LIFE in only 5 minutes? LOL

Then they have doctor visits, you know they give up to 6 shots @ a time now? Then you gotta deal w/ that AFTER you've already spent how many hours in the waiting room w/ a hungry infant?

And ALL of this is just for starters!
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When you see that first real smile or that moment when they finally fall asleep.........YES it IS all worth it..........but you have to remind yourself of it becuase those moments, as any mother knows, are few & far in between. LOL

I will most likely have more in the WAY future but I am jsut getting ataste of a bit of ME again so..........I just wanted to relate to you some of the things that you have probably forgotten.
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So it took me quite awhile to REadjsut to all of that again. I got major PPD too-different age, different hormones.

You get used to it after awhile BUT someone shoudl have reminded me so I could be prepared! LOL

As if!

But I DO look like a mom who's finally got it all together......it only takes about 2.5 years! LOL

love ya' gio! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

xoxoxoxoxxoxoxo
kt

Gio, well I'll tell you that I'm enjoying motherhood far more now than I did with my boys. I was 15 and 19 when I had both of them so I was just a kid myself. Now at age 31 with a baby, I have TONS more patience and understanding and it's totally different. I won't lie though, I miss the freedom thing. My boys are at the age where they can be left alone and H and I were able to get out and do things as adults (which ultimately led to the latest A because we were constantly with XOW and her H doing things as adults). H, myself and boys were able to just jump into the car at the drop of a dime and go do whatever and it's not like that now since we have the baby but I definitely wouldn't trade her for the world. And to be honest with you, I probably wouldn't have had any more kids for the simple fact that the boys were almost grown and we were almost home free but since the little oops happened we've accepted it as a calling and I really think that she's one reason why we're able to fight through all the BS and try to hold our family together. She's definitely a blessing to us. I don't blame you one bit for being hesitant though. It is alot of work!! Hope this helps you a little! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

my kids are eight years apart, oc same as my younger one. I find it very hard indeed. I dont get any time alone, and when H decides he wants to go out and have a drink I'm too tired to go. People dont like babysitting young ones and for obvious reasons....stinky diapers, temper tantrums, you must not take your eyes off them, walk slow or is not walking yet, and more than likely they are use to their freedom. Should I go on. Just to think that in five years H wants to do it again which then I will be thirtyfive. Yeah right! I guess it's easier for H to say I do all the work...lol.

Honestly children are wonderful but it is harder when all the other children are so much older. That something you just have to search your heart for. I believe I'm done, and really don't think that I would want to start over when my youngest would be six.

GIO

NO real adive because I am a young one. I am only 26, but MY H wants more and so do I, I had my first at 20, he had his first at 18 we are 6.5-7years apart. So my son is 5 he will be 6 in Sept. so i see now is finally a o.k. time for me, i have been wanting one and we waited.

KT, it took me alomist 5 years to get my pre-preganancy body back and now Im thinking about blowing it all over again (thats what youcall crazy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> )

Good Luck, what does your heat and gut say GIO??

I had my first child when I was 15.
My last one at 36. with 4 children in between.
My 1st 2 children were alot of fun but were kinda scary. I depended on my parents alot for help. with the last round it was alot easier and alot more "fun". I was more relaxed. new what I was doing, didnt really need the help.
My baby will be 7 next month. If iI could have another one I would do it in a heartbeat. (had a hesterectomy a yr ago).

Wow. Another baby. I guess that is a personal choice.

Kt

You would scare anyone away from having another child with that talk! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I have 5 kids, they are 13 - 12 - 8 - 6 - 3

H was just mentioning having anothe one yesterday. I think not.

Best of luck anyway you choose.

I was 34 when I had my last one. It was nice this time because the older ones helped alot. A friend's sister was pregnant at the same time and her daughter and mine are friends...She was 50 when she had her daughter. Her husband almost 60. Both girls are now 8yrs old.

I'm older than dirt, and have a baby, and lots of years between kids too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Email me anytime you'd like, and I'll give you some scoopage.

aut_day@yahoo.com

~ad

I think one of the ONLY reasons I consider this at ALL at this point.. is kinda the same reason as H-- I chose to stay single and was not ready to get married yet (to my son's father so I was basically )cause I was too wild ! I now do find myself feeling a little something missing in that I kinda may regret not having the true experience of having a baby with your husband.. its hard being a single parent and thats what I reflect on, mostly! It SHOULD be MUCH easier with 2 of us I'm sure.. and my H KNOWS I will be VERY STRICT regarding the 50/50 thing-- just like the housework, etc. that he splits with me.

Plus I also feel like I am going thru some kind of fear thing... like my son is 14 and "oh woa is me he is gona leave me "soon" (and he is my freaking breath that I breath).. and "what if I divorce H" ... BAM MY BIG FAMILY will be gone -- just like that. I know-- thats just being a nerd but it still could happen in a few years, ya know!

I also was a gymnist for years and that gave way to back problems that have started in the past couple of years-- I just cant imagine having it worsened by pregnancy (OUCHIE)

THANKS KT for reminding me how much i HATE BABIES.. hahahah I swear I just wish I could skip the widdle tiny baby stage cept for the cuddling part, lol.... and I'd be all for it.. OH YEAH AND THE HOMEWORK battling part........ ha!

Can you believe these women who have babies at 40.. 45... 50????????

Give it up Autumn-- how old are you- you are ONLY allowed to lie by one year... lol!!!!

[ January 13, 2005, 04:34 PM: Message edited by: giovanna123 ]

...and whoaaah kt...

Ever think about being a Sex Ed. teacher? You'd be really good at it! Your description of life with a baby would surely be enough to combat the glamorization of pre-marital pregnancy. Man, the kids in your class would be scared straight!! No life, AND Winnie the Pooh instead of Prada???? E-gads!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Winnie the Pooh-- YUCK-- see its these things that makes me think I am an anti-baby-person! I slither away from my beloved nephews' dirty diapers and I am usually unavailable to babysit them when asked.... BAD AUNTIE.. but did that stuff for years for everyone.... and now I am too diva-fied and fussy maybe????? I dont WANNA be frumpy feeling and out of touch with life (and thats my feeling about babies).

I also LOVE hanging out with my kids and their friends- they are so fun and I relate to them so well-- I could not wait for teenagers! I know, I'm sick! hahahaa

Actually, I probably WILL DECIDE TO HAVE A BABY AND THEN... i will NEVER get pregnant,anyway, because I just got off of Depo Provera shot after 10 PLUS years and I've read zillions of stories about people being sterile after that. I have been off of it for 1 year and I am still suffering strange reprocussins from it.. who knows.

Oh its so funny how teenage girls (and my H) think this baby stuff is a big joy and love fest all the time-- ha! I read in an OLD diary from when I was 16 and dating my son's father -- about how "oh I would love to have a baby with him.. oh I am so in love.. bla bla" I actually DID NOT-- HECK NO plan to get pregnant as we used condoms FAITHFULLY but gee I got my silly teenage fantasy wish anyway!

[ January 13, 2005, 04:43 PM: Message edited by: giovanna123 ]

I never post on this particular board because it doesn't apply to me, but I hope you don't mind if I share my experience with this.

My #2 & #3 are 8 years apart. I was only 22 when I had #2, and I recently had #3 at 30. I know that's not real far apart but it's way different than the 3 year difference between #1 and #2.

To be honest, I am LOVING it! I am so much more confident in my own parenting decisions, and I am really loving the cute cuddly good-smelling (most of the time, lol) baby stage.

My older girls love helping with the baby. They argue over whose turn it is to hold her, and #2 loves to change diapers (just not the poopy ones!).

I was on Depo for a year, around 2000. I had horrible effects after I went off of it (really bad pms, weight gain). This kiddo was a complete surprise (btw, "pulling out" does NOT always work! lol). I had decided I didn't want to do it again, didn't want to start all over with another one. I guess someone had other plans for me!

HOWEVER, if you really really don't want another child, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Just be careful. And don't trust the pulling out! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

kt: <blockquote>quote:<hr /> Then they have doctor visits, you know they give up to 6 shots @ a time now? <hr /></blockquote>Sorry if this is jacking, but...

Not my baby! I've been doing a lot of research on vaccines, and I've decided not to do any vaccines until age 2 or 3, and then only one at a time. I can't get over how much they try to give babies at once! And let's not get started on the crap they add to the vaccines (mercury, formaldehyde, etc.)!

Oh yeah, almost forgot...

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> if you even THINK about sex <hr /></blockquote>AS IF!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Giovanna,

I'm sure I'm the last person you really care about hearing a response from, but I have to tell you that having my baby has been the best thing ever.

I, too, had my first child at the age of 18 and I was planning on 36 meaning FREEDOM!!! Time for ME to do what I want, you know? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I will say that having another child in my life didn't take anything away from me, but has instead added more than I ever dreamed possible.

I feel so blessed to be able to experience motherhood twice in my life. The "baby stage" between the two are so many years apart (over a decade!), I feel like I'm doing it again for the very first time.

I feel like I'm really able to enjoy it this time. If you were anything like me, you were working your butt off to support your child. This time, I'm in a better financial position and I'm able to spend so much time with both of my children. I can enjoy the laughter, the fun, the games, the jibber-jabber talk, long bubble baths, a soft sweet perfect little hand on my cheek, slobbery kisses, a pout when I say "No" and the beautiful gaze from those innocent, sweet eyes as I rock him to sleep. He's perfect and there's no other way to put it.

There's no chaos. Call me crazy but I love diapers. I love bottles. I love waking in the night to comfort him. I love his fits. I love teaching him. I love him and nothing about having him is a "chore" nor a "hassle". There's not one day that I wish I would have done things differently. Instead, I wonder how I could be so lucky to be able to experience motherhood again. If you told me three years ago I would be writing this, I would have said you're crazy! I was in no way interested in the whole "baby" thing. Like I said, I was ready to get on with MY life. Then baby comes along, and nothing else matters, my priorities change, and I feel like I'm really living now. This is what life is about. I had almost forgotton.

I just cherish every single day, I really do.

If you and H do decide to have another child, I think you will be amazed at how rich your life will become.

I will say this, pregnancy is a lot harder when you're older though! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

oh! I can't stand Winnie the Pooh either. I just traded all the Winnie stuff back for other items. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

P.S. I'm amazed that no one here ever considered that my name "CheerfulLittleOne" is really in honor of my child. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

[ January 13, 2005, 09:21 PM: Message edited by: CheerfulLittleOne ]

luvbird wrote:Sorry if this is jacking, but...
Not my baby! I've been doing a lot of research on vaccines, and I've decided not to do any vaccines until age 2 or 3, and then only one at a time. I can't get over how much they try to give babies at once! And let's not get started on the crap they add to the vaccines (mercury, formaldehyde, etc.)!

I did the same research.....LOL

I agonized over it. But after much research, prayer & consideration.....we only get what is legally required (which I know that you can waive them & they are not legally required for school as they like to tell you...as long as you sign a waiver) but required as opposed to 'recommended'.

After baby # 2 got a severly swollen leg due to his shots.........I just made sure they happen to be 'late' from then on & it really made a big difference. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I agree....the older the better.

I could go on & on & on...but I completely understand.

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My main point WAS......how much of an adjustment it was between having a self-sufficient aged child to BAM 2 under 2!!!!!! WHEW!

The older one was/is EXTREMELY helpful. HE is my right hand man..........& since he IS here ALL day...

I do favor having them farther rather than closer apart.

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I hope I didn't give anyone the wrong idea that I don't enjoy my ktbunch <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> --just trying to remind some reality checks about it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Come on, I homeschool.......I am w/ my kids literally 24/7........except for those rare occasions when I lock the bathroom door. LOL

I want more......just not right now.
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Sex ed teacher? .....now that's an idea! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Oldest is turning 12 this month! LOL

xxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxox
kt
{who has now thoroughly convinced herself that she IS supermom!} L-O-L!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> I do favor having them farther rather than closer apart. <hr /></blockquote>From my experience so far, I totally agree!

My oldest will be 12 in August. I can't believe she's that close to being a teenager already. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Luckily, she has yet to show the slightest bit of interest in boys--they're still "yucky". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Ok, I gotta stop threadjacking! Need somebody to pop my hand when I start to do it or something!

[ January 13, 2005, 11:54 PM: Message edited by: luvbird ]

Luvbird-- come on "down" anytime! You are not threadjacking honey!

I wanted to ask you about this, though!
<blockquote>quote:<hr /> I was on Depo for a year, around 2000. I had horrible effects after I went off of it (really bad pms, weight gain). This kiddo was a complete surprise (btw, "pulling out" does NOT always work! lol). I had decided I didn't want to do it again, didn't want to start all over with another one. I guess someone had other plans for me!
<hr /></blockquote>I have been having these problems too. Its been terrible. Depois poison. I ONLY have been lacking on the birth control because I think I am in the mind set of being sterile after 10 years of this poison!!!!! The PULL OUT thing-- oh believe me I don't count on that- but I'm sure it could HELP a teeny bit. I got preg. w/my son on 5 seconds of no condom. One time ONLY without a condom, and for 5 seconds! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I NEVER was without caution but like I said- I have let up a bit.

Thanks for all the great stories, ladies!!!!

If having a baby brings 1/100th of the joy that our little baby dog has to us... (we could never have a dog but this guy is the only dog that is ok for my allergies)...WOW me and H are like nutty saps and this little guy is our pride and joy and we treat him like our baby since he's a mini !!! ha!!!!!

CLO--- I have NO problem hearing from or replying to ANYONE, regardless of titles, who has something to add that has no hidden or openly icky stuff, thats as deep as it gets for me, personally! I knew the "CLO" meant your baby! Unless of course you are like a size 1 or something then you could def call ourself CLO! LOL

Thanks Giovanna,
I've been pegged "Bitter Little One" and "Not So Cheerful Little Troll", etc. and I wasn't quite sure that anyone really "got" my name here. I do understand why people think I'm just an evil STOW to pour salt in wounds since the only time I seem to post is when it's an opposing view (and I have a bad habbit of being frank about things too). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
Regardless, I appreciate your response and I do hope things go well for you, which ever path you choose to take.

giovanna,

as I was lurking through these boards, your thread caught my eyes and I just cannot beleive how much of a selfish, immature crying baby you are.

Do you know that there are people who wish to get married and want a man to have their child but never have the chance to meet any man at all? Even if they are 32-33-34-35? And will probably will never get married no matter how hard they pray God?

And there you are, having a husband who loves you and wants to have you baby and you still find the means to whine over a board where other people come for real problems???

I just want to tell you that you are just an immature and very selfish woman. It's sad to see people such as you using public boards to twist the knife in other people's wounds like this.

Truely pathetic.

I don't believe that she is "whining" as you call it. We all have our own crosses to bear, whose to say how we bear them is right or wrong. This forum is for venting our feelings and getting support. IMO anyway.

Jennaleblanc wrote:I just want to tell you that you are just an immature and very selfish woman. It's sad to see people such as you using public boards to twist the knife in other people's wounds like this.

WHOA NELLY!!!!!! I think you are way off base here.

Gio is not twisting the knife in ANYONE'S wounds.(that's what trolling STOW's do!)

IT is a real part of recovery in a marriage when the H (or any FWS), after their own infidelity, start to want another child w/ their spouse.

IT is a BIG deal to think over. That is gio's point. Now, AFTER her H got another woman pg-he wants to have a baby w/ her.

This is a SERIOUS issue. Unlike a child produced UNEXPECTEDLY due to infidelity-------------this child-if there is to be one------is being thought over & PLANNED for.

IT is NOT an issue to be taken lightly.
After an OC is born, there is a huge financial responsiblity as well that was not previously budgeted for-another issue to consider in whether or not to have more children.

Do you see how that works?

There are many issues involved in planning to have a child or not & even more when that child is born AFTER an A in a marriage.

Gio is NOT being selfish-unless you consider taking care of yourself & making sure having a baby is really right for you & that baby will be born into a stable, intact 2 parent home, 'selfish'.

Having an A, getting pg unexpectedly & having a child w/o a father------------THAT is selfish.
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Take your issue up somewhere else.
I think you really misunderstood her point.

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> And there you are, having a husband who loves you and wants to have you baby and you still find the means to whine over a board where other people come for real problems??? <hr /></blockquote>Um, okay. I know darn well why you signed up and made post #1 to me, I can probably guess who you are, even! However, I will entertain your post, just because it is not in my nature to let things like this go- just cause you are an ignorant specimen.

I can't tell you #1 (silly woman).. when the last time was that *I* came and posted one of my MARITAL (and COMMON marital issues, at that) here. 99% of the time I am here trying any way possible to reach out to, and comfort people here who are dealing with things that are horrid, and that I have pressed through.

Okay, onto the next funny:

<blockquote>quote:<hr />I just want to tell you that you are just an immature and very selfish woman. It's sad to see people such as you using public boards to twist the knife in other people's wounds like this <hr /></blockquote>err.. Do you know what SELFISH is? SELFISH is someone who lays down and creates a baby BEFORE seeking out the advise of her homies who have been there first. SELFISH and IMMATURE is a female who does not use birth control to proect herself from predators cause she is horny (umm... the male species- sorry mens)... IMMATURE is being so goo-goo-gaa-gaa over someone that you would throw all reason and cautin to the wind cause you are again, horny or insecure for a man to "want your baby"... awe how cute it is!! Being left alone to care for a baby, cause a man was either married, or (obviously) immature, selfish and oh, horny. SELFISH is bringing a child WILLINGLY AND WANTONLY into a situaion where there is not full security with the relationship, no real commitment or only words to back up the commitment (um, cause folks get horny)... IMMATURE is screwing ANYONE who is KNOWINGLY or EVEN POSSIBLY screwing another and just saying OH WELL.... SELFISH is bringing a child into the world cause "It would be so cute and neat-o to have a baby with "Mr. Playa-playa-I-can't-really-have-you-all-like-that-so-lets-have-a-cute-baby-and-it-will-be-ALL-GOOD"....

I mean, honey, I could go on and on with these points.

Love and Marriage and Baby does not mean SECURITY AND LOVE-FEST. Are you kidding me?

I am a DIVA. Yep. I deserve the DIVA status that I claim. I gave up my art career, my youth, my ssanity, to raise a child at BARELY 18- because that was my duty. I went to college and make good money to support my boy (with extras) with 147.00 per month child support for 14 years. I ALSO spent the best years of my "younger" years protecting and hiding sex, drugs and SPRINGER realities to my boy. And THEN I ALSO rode out the death of my sweetie-sweet dream of marriage and traditional family that was rocked by HUSBANDS gone wild. I ALSO have humbled myself. I also have fought like the solider that I am. I also took in stepchildren who now, actually prefer me---------- TO THEIR OWN MOTHER BECAUSE I LOVE THEM LIKE something they have NEVER experieced.

And here I am... on a message board.... asking the advice of MARRIED WOMEN who I TRUST AND ADORE.....for advice about MARRIED PEOPLE'S DILLEMAS. Wow.. what a selfish B*TCH I am!??

You must not be married. You must not have been destroyed and re-built by infidelity. You must not have a grip on the real, adult world If you were, you'd see, that this is a HUGE DECISION to make amongst married couples, and a HUGE concern of married couples (to have or not to have a baby)... because you obviously feel having a child should be taken lightly... you obviously feel that someone "saying" they want to have a baby with you is in itself, an act of love and promise,... that is is neat and cool and should be dictated by one of the MARRIED couple.

Being married, let alone being the easy, jaded, desperate for a baby/love OW, is NOT the grounds or the reason to have a baby.... bringing another LIFE into this world should always be carefully analyzed, questioned,and considered because the truly selfLESS part is making sure that what YOU accept is GOOD for an innocent SWEET CHILD who DEPDENDS on its mom, or future MOM, to have some D*MED SENSE, WOMAN.

I spend my days working, cleaning, cooking, being a wife and a mom to not just my ONE bio son, but to my stepchildren and EVERY darned kid in neighborhood...I have NOT more than a minute or two, since I was 17, to be the DIVA-FIED-DIVA that I am... and NOW I'm selfish because 14 years and 80,000 Kids and Co., later-- I MAY want to wear stricktly PRADA and not POO??

PA-LEASE..... you are the poo that Winney poo's out. You are a HATER and JEALOUS biaaaaach who sees something wrong with a DIVA-FIED-DIVA who has sacrificed EVERYTHING for the good of a boy-- and then a FAMILY...and EVEN A CHILD THAT IS NOT BORN YET!

HURT the ladies here-- AND WHINE about my foo-foo perfect life-- HA! Sip on some more hater-aide and be bitter and wonder why LADIES/DIVAS like ME DESERVE their title, their respect, their honor!

There is just no way you are a WIFE (or an honorable one) cause you'd (DUH) know that myself and the other DIVAS-IN-THE-MAKING here DESERVE to have CHOICES.. because THEY did not make choices for others.. they were faithful and honest and SOLDIERS for their marriage-- and they NEED to question, consider and be cautions of what precious and tiny lives they COULD screw up by being a. too horney for reality; b. loose and doormatty enough to ACCEPT and BELIEVE they have no choice but to DO WHATEVER THEIR SPOUSE WANTS IN SPITE OF WHAT CRAP HE IS INVOLVED IN; and c. just plain who screws them or gets them pregnant WITHOUT COMMITMENT OR SECURITY.

The LADIES (here that, they are LADIES) on this forum (I hope) know that my "whining" is a MARITAL PROBLEM THAT IS COMMON TO REGULAR SANE FOLKS....and that I would be a FOOL to think that having a baby, without caustion or consideration, would be IMMATURE AND WHINEY..

Now what? Girlz can I get a witness..... can I get an "amen Gio" And again.. PLEASE.. I would never, ever BRING SOME BULLCRAP to a board at which my fellow human being is hurting.

KT- thanks for having my back. I KNOW where my married and RESPECTFUL RATIONAL GIRLS ARE AT.. AND ITS here. TWILIGHT ZONE MUSIC IS PLAYING.. HEAR IT???!!

Oh, and the only BULLSH*T I would bring to a board that has so many hurting is... GO STEEEEEEELERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If that is too much fraternization on a "must be serious at all times board" then darn skippy I am a very bad and selfish (immature) specimen.

FURTHERMORE... JennaLaBlanc.. eat a big fat....
_ _ _ _ . Is that also immature? Good, I have been WAY too serious for a DIVA that is only 32 (and a half LOL)... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

JennaLeblanc,

If you feel that it is that unlikely that you will ever be married, isn't coming to a site devoted to marriage a bit masochistic? It seems to me that you are "twisting the knife" yourself by coming here.

Is it a fair assumption that you think all married fetile women should pop out a baby every year, regardless of the financial situation or problems in the marriage?

I'm also assuming that you have never had to deal with the decision of whether or not to have a child, or deal with an unplanned pregnancy. You can't possibly understand it if you have never been there.

I've never understood the type of person that lurks on a message board and then jumps out just to call someone names. There's an old saying that I think applies here, and I'm paraphrasing...

It is better to be silent and thought a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt.

You would do well to remember those words.

Gio, your post wasn't there when I started mine--I had to stop in the middle to take care of the baby (OOOOOPS, is that "twisting the knife" too??? My bad!).

AMEN GIO!

Thank you, Luvbird!!!!!

I KNOW this little "knife" she speaks of MAY be getting twisted in *her* back by a MM.... Call me crazy ???

And if not...... then please DO tell us why the normal problems of a [mature and reasonable] married woman struck a chord with you, and we will be willing to help you sort this out.

I'm still trying to figure out where in the world you can live and never meet a man at all! I'm thinking that if I ever get divorced, I may take my girls and move there!

gio

you have refuted jenna with witt and with class.

amen gio!!!!!!!!

only one who knows the pain can feel the pain!!

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by JennaLeblanc:
 It's sad to see people such as you using public boards to twist the knife in other people's wounds like this.

<hr /></blockquote>Can I get in on this one? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Ok Jenna, if Giovanna wanted to stab a knife and turn it in anyone's back, she'd be over at the OW board telling all how her & H are planning a baby. THAT would chap an OW's hide- Having an xMM who ditched his OC only to make another child with W who he will love and spend every day with.

Posting it here isn't going to hurt anyone. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> Having an xMM who ditched his OC only to make another child with W who he will love and spend every day with. <hr /></blockquote>CLO, thank you for helping to clear this up... I see you found a way to simultaneously "sneak" your message in there too. Fabulously desguised. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I don't think most of the BWs here appreciate the word "ditched", as it is not that simple. OW should know that- she didn't simply "ditch" the feelings of our kids-- right???????? She just simply could not consider "our" children cause she needed to do what was right for "her"-- if they got hurt in the process, oh well, nothing she could do about it, right?????

If the OC gets "ditched" then that is because people reap what they sew. They do that for their offspring too, when they become involved in such a mess. NC involes the father of the OC having to make an often no-win decision in a horrid situation. He "ditched" the marriage and family and OW felt he was wonderful in spite of this. Now he needs to and wants to return to the truth and "fight for", "protect" and "secure" the well being of the other whole group of suffering and injured parties.

The A and wrecked family CAN and DESERVE to survive this in spite of the H's mistakes. And, survival of this mess MANY MANY times relies upon NO CONTACT WITH OC OR OW. Seems quite strange and unusual for ANYONE to have to endure this. If you CAN do it-- it is rare -- and absolutely is still hard for the wife/children.

Now OC gets a slice of the "hurt pie" as Lynn says.

Our personal marital decision had to be NC, in order to prevent the further "ditching" of our childrens' well beings. To not taint their blissful idea of family and love at such a young age. Enough damage has been done and seen by them-- and the OC tale-- more Springer show then I am willing to deliver to their oblivious ears.

And because life, love and family goes on, spreads out and thrives after an A, that also means "the wife" will "go on" have HER HUSBAND'S babies.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

And if any OW has a chapped [censored] because any H wants to make a baby with HIS WIFE after OC-- well, why? OC has NOTHING to do with the (already existent) family unit having a desire to share their (reconfirmed and reconciled) love via a child. She decided from day ONE that she was wiling to be second (and thus her child).. to the needs and decisions of the marriage/family unit.

If a BW has a chapped [censored] (like me) about OC-- it is because she would not agree to wantanly create a child while child support is draining marital funds... or while she is not 100% secure after an A of her H's commitment to her and a new child---- cause she is NO DUMMY!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I have to say-- I am not mad you snuck this in---- I think they are commonly shared ideas of MANY OW.

Gio-you consistently crack me up! "Can I get a witness?" ROFL!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Clo------oh you are good, real good-saw right through that one though.

What's up w/ this 'other chick' here?

What's that about gio? Are you inviting you're 'friends' to this board again? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> LOL

Poo for prada? LOL

Nice slip of the tongue there gio, 'reap what you sew'............maybe you should sew a chastity belt! LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

It's supposed to be 'reap what you sow'! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

lolllololololololololololol
kt

Ok, so what I meant by "Can I get a Witness" was can SOMEONE, ANYONE please help me with my grammer/spelling? heeheeee!

I don't invite anyone to come and play games but, if they are going to... I invite them to come so I cam poke holes in their theories one painful point at a time.. lol !!

Well, I usually hear that saying @ church!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE it!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

xoxoxoxoxoxoxxo
kt

PS: WHEN are we gonna go to LV?...........or didn't you say you'd be in SD soon? March?

EMAIL me chick!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> LOL

[ January 17, 2005, 01:22 PM: Message edited by: ktbunch ]

Can I just say when I am feeling crappy and low all I have to do is find a posting where kt or giovanna has gone off on some ignorant arrogant moron and I can ROFL!!!!!!!!
You guys ROCK and I know little Miss Jenna is cowering somewhere holding her BC pill between her knees since that's how you don't get pregnant...
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Wondering....

What I think happens is that Kt and I both type so fast that our fingers get brushburned.. and we have the ability to type as fast as our brains work!

So.. what we do is CRAM all of MANY of our friends thoughts into ours, for you! LOL

GIO

SOrry to respond so late but AMEN
YOU HAVE A WITNESS!!!

You are soo great, I agree with KT, the poo for prada thing cracked me up. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You really laid it in to her. I dont think she will be positng back ANY TIME SOON. SHE BETTER NOT! or we'll all get her [censored].

When I grow up I want to be like GIO (and KT) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I can't really afford Prada-- do you still wanna be like me, Lonely.. LOL!!!!!!!

Thank you so much for being my witness <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I am nothing great- just someone who has learned from this place HERE-- and now trying to give some mental spankings and insight that I learned from the likes of KT and others here.

Lonely, before you know it-- you will be carrying the torch here for others and saying "I've come thru this and I AM A DIVA"..... I still have burn marks (bad ones).. but darnit we WILL come thru the fire. And THEN shoot our mouths off about it, in a nice way... lol <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

"can I get a wit-ness?
can I get a wit-ness?"

Thanks a million. Now how do I get the song out of my head????

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> If that is too much fraternization on a "must be serious at all times board" then darn skippy I am a very bad and selfish (immature) specimen.
<hr /></blockquote>Fraternity, schmaternity....We're a SORORITY! We've all been thru the FIRE and survived!

**scratching my head**

I'm still trying to figure out why a woman would never have a chance to meet a guy in her life...or get married no matter how much they pray to GOD! Unless you live in a cave or in outer space, why wouldn't a woman be able to meet a man?

That confuses the heck out of me...oh well!

Oh wait, I get it...you mean a MARRIED GUY! oh, yea, that's funny! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Gio,
Well, there I go posting with no tact again.

The way I look at it, yep xMM has ditched his child. And yes, I agree, I ditched the W & BC but I'll be a STOW and say "Not my marriage/commitment". People got ditched and there's no way to justify any of it.

Regardless, you & H are married, if you want children, you deserve to have children together. And yes, you were robbed of a child (referring to the other thread) and most OW's recognize this. It's your H. If anyone should be having your H's children- it's YOU!

I was simply pointing it out that if you had posted this on an OW website- it may be considered "putting in a knife and turning it" as you were accused of doing. But I don't see how posting it here is a whine or even cruel to others.

I wonder if Jenna thought MarriageBuilders was like Build-A-Bear.

You can come here and build your own H.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Clo?------> I think we're rubbing off on you. Dare I say? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

LOL

good one w/ the build-a-bear/husband. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Reminds me of the twilight zone where they built a grandma..Body Electric........always one of my favorites.

And I'll be a STBW & say "not my child/responsibility".

(But I LOVE build-a-bear........love to take the ktbunch for their b-days!...don't ruin it for me! LOL)

xoxoxoxxoxoxoxxoxoxoxxo
kt

Gio, I maybe out of line asking you this, but......I'm going too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Who is this jenna? Do I know her? Have I crossed paths with her before? You seem to recognize better than I do. Are you inclined to say names?

Just a hunch Mary-------- but since I'd be merely guessing, it wouldn't be fair to say who I *think* would rush to sign up and post this to me.

Whoever it was- she didn't upset me any. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Giogirl~

I've found some good deals on Prada at Overstock, and of course there's always E-Bay.

I need to dig around to find it, but a little over a year ago, I wrote down a cute little description of the "perfect" diaper bag from some magazine I was reading in a doctor's office. If I find it, I'll post it, you'll get a kick out of it. I'm the same way--it was no pastels or anything cutsie looking for me this go 'round. Luckily, a lot of woman must feel that way, because it's a lot easier to find baby essentials in black and/or khaki than it was awhile back.

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> I wonder if Jenna thought MarriageBuilders was like Build-A-Bear.
<hr /></blockquote>CLO - Thank you berry much for that laugh. I almost spewed pop out of my nose!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KT - Can you believe I've never been to Build-A-Bear? There's not one here or in SAT. The mommies went to one at a reunion in Las Vegas, but I didn't go on that trip. (sniff)

AD/Gio - I carry a black leather backpack that is big enough for a nippy (paci), couple of diapers, one of those thin boxes of wipies and a bottle. It also serves as my purse. It's absolutely perfect - I'm always hands free for the kids, and I never have to worry about it sliding off my shoulder and bopping a young 'un in the head.

Thanks for teh reply GIO

Just trying to make and handling things pretty well (for now). H has recently REALLY seem to come out of the FOG, and has been so much more attentive to me and MY NEEDS, its the greatest feeling in the world. Now, H & me are talking about having another baby as well. I have always wanted another one, our sone will be 6 in Sept. now woudl be a great time, I know i am young but I always say when Im done having kids I waNt to be DONE!!!!!By the time I am 32-35 I want to be completely done and I willbe 27 in Oct. my H says he would like 3 more kids <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I kind of think he is crazy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> but we will see GOD Will show the way and if this is what we choose I know GOD willnot let us suffer, thats a long time off though. Just having as GIO SAYS BABY FEVER right now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Like I said before H would have me barefoot & pg forever if I let him! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Talk about baby fever! LOL

I think it hits when 'baby' reaches 2-2.5 yo, which Liberty IS right now. But she's the first/only girl really & she demands a LOT from me. I don't know if I could handle another girl. That scares me.

My 3 'wicked step-sisters' (3 teenage cousins <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ) got into a fist fight w/ each other the other day, over a pair of SHORTS!.......so I don't know about having more girls. (I suspect it was some misdirected & pent up anger/rage <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> )

Although, I've always said, they need to be in even numbers so maybe if there had been 4 of them......LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

whatever.............just give me some more time to 'get things settled' & then I'm sure I'll be ready for another one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

xoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxox
kt
who's probably TOO responsible for her own good! LOL

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by ktbunch:
 Like I said before H would have me barefoot & pg forever if I let him! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Talk about baby fever! LOL

I think it hits when 'baby' reaches 2-2.5 yo, which Liberty IS right now. But she's the first/only girl really & she demands a LOT from me. I don't know if I could handle another girl. That scares me.

My 3 'wicked step-sisters' (3 teenage cousins <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ) got into a fist fight w/ each other the other day, over a pair of SHORTS!.......so I don't know about having more girls. (I suspect it was some misdirected & pent up anger/rage <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> )

Although, I've always said, they need to be in even numbers so maybe if there had been 4 of them......LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

whatever.............just give me some more time to 'get things settled' & then I'm sure I'll be ready for another one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

xoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxox
kt
who's probably TOO responsible for her own good! LOL <hr /></blockquote>KT, even numbers don't make a difference. My twins love with a passion to each other and fight to a passion with each other. I love little girls......the fun with it all, but they are drama! OY!