Thought I would start a new thread so it can be edited again.
Today is our 26th wedding anniversary. I am not expecting to find a card in the mailbox when I get home tonight.
It has not even been 6-months since D-Day. Six months ago I could not have even imagined this and would never have believed it if someone told me I would be here today. There is only 37 days left until the D is final. My marriage is 99.62% over.
I think I will celebrate my anniversary at home by finding more crap to throw out tonight.
DD19 reluctantly agreed to have dinner with Wayzilla Friday night. It was scheduled for 6:00 PM and as usual Wayzilla called DD five minutes after and gave the now standard, "I'm just leaving work now and am running a little late." She got there about 20 minutes late just as DD was leaving. If improving her relationship with her daughter is high on her list, she has a lot of work to do.
DD stayed less than an hour, ordered the most expensive thing on the menu (lobster) and brought almost all of it home in a box. There's a nut that did not fall to far from the paternal tree.
Wayzilla proudly showed DD the bikini line tattoo artwork some young yard guy at her company drew just for her (insert puking emoticon). DD just told her, "Mom, you're 45 years old."
I agree with Still...celebrate your relationship with her...call it whatever you like...reclaim the day for the two of you...
LMAO...then DD can go back and tell Wayzilla all the fun you had...heck, go play mini golf in your pjs...
Have a PIG roast! Invite all of your friends! Drink bad wine and play pictionary...I'm sure that you can come up with some great WAYzilla drawings...LMAO
I know this is a very sad occasion for you. I hope there is something that lifts your spirits. I am now going to say something will seem strange especially coming from a guy.
I feel soooooo sorry for your W.
She has no clues how much she is losing, not in just you and your DD, but of herself. There will be a time when this will hit her and it won't be pretty.
You may not remember but you posted to my very original thread at Just Found Out on the very first day. That seems like a million years ago now. It was only mid-December.
Thanks for the Norwegian Blue Parrot Shake! I need it.
I can see us now sitting at a bar with Colour Sergeant Bourne having a DT and Tonic. Tim the Sorcerer is the bartender.
Just Learning:
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She has no clue how much she is losing
JL, this has been the easiest Plan B on record. I stay dark and she has no "needs" to try to contact me. I guess time will tell.
BC, alligators are cold blooded so I probably already have slept with one.
I know how you feel. I went through a "would have been" anniversary and it was very tough. I wrote the ex a long letter, which was useless and stupid on my part. A waste of time that didn't need to happen.
Has your daughter written her a letter?
She really shouldn't hang out with Wayzilla if she doesn't want to, though. I like her guerrilla tactics.
I hoist a pint to the both of you. You are inspirations to many of us here. You are strong in the face of this monstrosity. You slay the dragon only to face another with each encounter. You 'slay' people here with your endless humor.
Chris, I wish to celibrate a good, yet difficult, day with you. In your lifetime you married a woman that you truly love that loved you, probably still does. Together you have brought into this world and raised a wonderful daughter. That is what we call a legacy...to be celebrated. Without this marriage, DD may never have been, and what a loss to many that would have been.
You may not remember but you posted to my very original thread at Just Found Out on the very first day. That seems like a million years ago now. It was only mid-December.
Thanks for the Norwegian Blue Parrot Shake! I need it.
I can see us now sitting at a bar with Colour Sergeant Bourne having a DT and Tonic. Tim the Sorcerer is the bartender.
I do remember and I expect it feels like a lifetime ago. Sorry that I haven't been around much, but I've been kind of taking a break from the MB forums...it was getting kind of obsessive for me. I've also been really busy with work, new house, and a new baby on the way (end of October). So Schloss BB has been a busy place.
I think I was among those who strongly urged you to expose.
You seem to be doing really well considering the hand you were dealt. Not your fault that Wayzilla is a short round.
I say celebrate with DD19. She is the best gift of the M! Ceebrate!
WTG DD19...lobster!
My 13th anniversary is May 22! I, to date, am not worriede about it...it may hit me like a ton of bricks, but I am going to celebrate...4 beautiful children that I would not have the pleasure of knowing had it not been the M!
The Killer Bees are a pretty big well equipped team now (M16’s Kbars, lip gloss, blenders, lawn chairs etc…). We have enough firepower to take out any Wayward stronghold. I really, really want to do a bayonet charge though. Those who don’t want to sprint out of the wooden badger (wish we still had the rabbit) can lay down some heavy suppressing fire and cover us.
I don't know why you want to go bother that teeny little wabbit. It isn't very scary or fierce looking at all!! It's just a tinsy little bunny! Why, I bet I could walk right up to it and pet it....
CHOMP
RUN FOR THE HILLS! IT'S THE WAYZILLA KILLA WABBIT!!!!!
Chris--
Happy Unniversary. Today is the day all those years ago when you invited love into your life...and from that love came a smart, beautiful, funny young lady your DD19. Today this day is a day to celebrate YOU. Today, we remember that you were honorable enough to honor your vows...that you were man enough to stay during hard times and celebrate during good times....that you were always strong and dependable no matter what was thrown at you...that you were trustworthy and honest and a little bit of a rascal (okay...a lot of a rascal!!). Today is no longer your anniversary, it's your Unniversary, and on your Unniversary we celebrate the wonderful man you have become.
Sooooooo...Killer Bees...lip gloss at attention. Salute to chrisner!
I'm starting to picture John Ringer (bill murray--YOU), and Harold Ramis (Russel Ziskey -- sdguy) --A la Stripes--leading a bunch of rag tag guys and gals to victory, in our armored Badger... I wanna be Sgt. Hulka aka The big toe...
Chris- Well my friend, I can relate too, as my 11th anniversary is approaching in July. With things precariously balanced on the edge of the abyss, with a Plan B looming to push it OVER that ledge, I don’t know if I’ll see that 11 year benchmark. It’s a weird feeling and I’m already uneasy about it more than 2 months out.
But I have to tell you too that your humor has helped my own outlook as well. It’s one of the reasons I’m so glad I found MB, because the camaraderie even thru the web is certainly apparent.
I will charge with all the anger and resentment I can muster. You can have my Kbar though. In times like these I've got to pull out the ole Rambo survival knife complete with a gut hook. I wanna come back with some end trails.
After the ladies are finshed saluting you, we can all turn around and one finger salute WAYZILLA.
Oh, who's gonna get some coconut shells and bang them together so it sounds like we have horses?
Well, if you like, I could actually BRING the horses. Sorry no coconuts this far north.
Me first, me first, PLEASE let me be the first (after chrisner, of course) to one finger salute Wayzilla. I do owe him after the offer of the visit in the Batmobile.
Well if two African Swallows grabbed a coconut together by the husk they may be able to generate enough air speed velocity and lift to bring a coconut to Montana. Not European Swallows though.
Wow, a poignant heartfelt thread about love lost and shattered dreams breaks down into a large group of pissed heavily armed betrayed spouses, including Cajuns, cowgirls and Dead Head twirler girls launching a suicide charge from an armored badger against a wayward fortified position lobbing Holy Hand Grenades as they go.
I left out lip gloss, coconuts, Colour Sergeant Bourne, killer bunnies, lawn chairs, Kbars and coolers. My thread has become an episode from The Prisoner in a single day. I love this site.
Watch out for those big white ball things. They look stupid but I never saw them lose a fight.
The swallows haven't migrated back to Capistrano yet, so no coconuts to be found here. We have some nice shrubberies to decorate the inside of the badger, though.
I can probably come up with a great big scale we can use to try Waywards, too.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Anything for you, chris.
A suicide charge? Um...I don't think so. She wouldn't stand a chance. Waywards are cowards underneath it all and build their fortresses in such fog, the walls crumble when the armored badger makes the earth shake. I ain't scared of no woosy wayward. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
(CJ's passeth thou thine holy hand grenade And beginneth the counting... And the counting thereof shalt be to three Not to four Neither shalt thou countest to five Lest thou be blown to smithereens Nor shalt thou cease counting at two But THREE shall be the counting thereof And the counting shalt be to THREE)
Well I thought I should pick up my thread some (and air it out after BC’s parting shot) after the anniversary party. Lots of debris including: rabbit poop, lip gloss sticks, beer bottles, 5.56 mm casings, unidentified entrails, overturned lawn chairs and empty coolers. You guys are pigs! Hope it all fits in the plague cart. At least no one called the forum police.
Thank you all for making me smile on a day I had dreaded for weeks. I value you all.
I started my new gig as a rookie high school freshman level boy’s coach last night. What a blast. Last Sunday I coached a freshman/sophomore girl’s game (that team is now 6-0 in Spring League) and had a great time. When it was over I realized I had gone over one hour without even thinking about Wayzilla or the D. That was the longest break I had had from it since Thanksgiving until last night. 1-1/2 Hours free of any thoughts of the insanity. Thank you Plan B!
Um, about the poop that was flung at your door; I think Babs tried to see what the fuss was about, but Fox slammed the door in her face. Those babboons are so nasty.
Sorry about he burn on your couch and rug. BC fell asleep with a lit stogie, and I was playing with matches. I'm so sorry about the rug.
Chris, I am so glad that you got 90 minutes of peace. Now, get this place cleaned up. I'm OUT!!!
I do need some time to sharpen my survival knife and eat some 3 bean Tacos with hot sauce and cayenne pepper. Maybe I should fry those for good measure.
Hey, folks. I presume this the new Killer Bee's thread. If it is, time_for_change is in the midst of reevaluating her strategy and determining when (and will soon address, "how") to go into Plan B. Would any of you be willing to go to her thread and offer support and advice on how you determined when the right moment was, and things like that? I'm sure she'd appreciate it.
Plan B: 111 Days. Contacts: (4) 1 at Attorney’s Office, (2) House stuff move outs, 1 at Court. Last Contact: 28 Days ago in court. Divorce Status: 23 Days (June 13) until Magistrate can/will approve D
There is more light on the far side of Pluto than this Plan B. Is there a trophy for darkest Bee?
Unfortunately as the soul mates are not living together due to MIL’s rent free enabling, the lovebirds have yet to really discover how special they both are. I definitely have a toothless Plan B. No wonder it is so easy to keep it dark.
I assume Gollum is still her love stallion but in truth I have no idea. If not, just based on the fog talk and behavior at court and from what DD tells me, she would have to be on OM2. I could see that as a possibility.
MIL once told me that she had no intention of meeting, or letting BIL’s (now former) MOW into Infidel Hotel until her divorce was final. Way to make a tough lasting stand against infidelity! Waywards everywhere were quaking in fear. I assume she is holding Wayzilla to the same tough love standards. It cuts down on embarrassing moments such as, “Wayzillypoopsy, please don’t moan and shout Gollum’s name so loud. It wakes your father.” (:{0}<<<<<< Sigmund Freud Puking Emoticon
WW is either trying to semi-Plan B DD19 herself or has other things to do. They go almost a week now between short phone conversations. I don’t know how she can do it. It would drive me nuts to have that kind of relationship with DD. The damage on this one will take a while to repair.
Day 9,503 of 9,526. 99.75% Over. Bummer. I miss my wife, but I will do fine without Wayzilla.
You'll be just fine, especially when me you and anchorwoman are drinking beer and eatin chicken wings. Send me an email. Let's make some plans. I'm ready to get the he11 outa dodge.
There is more light on the far side of Pluto than this Plan B.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> I don't want to hear this from you, chrisner. As long as you are both breathing, there is hope.
If she is on to OM2....I think that is a good thing. She may start going through men trying to find the happiness she can only find within herself. She will come to that realization someday. At that time, I think she will also realize what she has done to you. She WILL eventually "see" again what your M was, and miss it.
There is no possible way she completely erased you from her memory. NO POSSIBLE WAY!
I think she is hiding from you. And from DD19, too. She cannot face you. She's trying so desperately to get away from what she has done, but she is only digging deeper. Especially if she is on OM2. She is searching for something....and she will only find it in herself.
Time, chrisner. Divorce or not, things will change. It won't always feel so stagnant. You are an incredible man and father, that does not go unnoticed.
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I miss my wife.
This is going to sound kind of funny..but..she probably misses herself, too. And she can't find you again until she finds herself.
I'm impressed with your Plan B. I'm a Plan B flunky.... I have too big an urge to push back when he pushes me. I don't think I better break contact down like you did. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
We had a babysitter that used to tell me everyday when I dropped off DDs "make it a good day"...I always wanted to smack her (I'm not a morning person). She meant well, but darn it sometimes chit just happens, you don't always have control.
So I'll tell you, since I'm too far away for you to smack.."make it a good day!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
You will really like this. This Sunday DD19 out of nowhere says, "She did not run away from us, she is running from herself. But no one can win that race."
Not bad for a kid.
I still think it is Gollum. She was really hooked on the little puke. But based on her fog it has to be someone.
"She did not run away from us, she is running from herself. But no one can win that race."
I can only say.....Wow! What an incredible young woman you are raising. As you can tell, I agree with her whole heartedly!
Hang in there, chrisner. You will get what you deserve. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> You already have, in part, with DD19. She is a reflection of you.
WW is either trying to semi-Plan B DD19 herself or has other things to do. They go almost a week now between short phone conversations. I don’t know how she can do it. It would drive me nuts to have that kind of relationship with DD. The damage on this one will take a while to repair.
Waywards have a tendancy to isolate themselves from others who don't support their A. My WW used to talk to her sister everyday before the A, but she would avoid her and all of our mutual friends during the A. Only now is she talking regularly to her sister again, and her relationship with our mutual friends is still damaged because she is afraid to talk to them because "they probably hate me." She has also avoided my parents like the plague, even though she says that she likes them. She hasn't seen them in almost a year. In the wayward state of mind, anything that kills the fantasy of the affair must be avoided at all costs. Unfortunately, that means your WW is going to completely ignore your DD for quite some time unless she starts supporting her decisions (doubtful).
Yep and to the OMW (a nice pretty woman who I met a couple times three years ago) my darling wife is the skanky Ho.
Question: Does it bother you a lot what your wayward spouse has done to the OP’s spouse and children? I am finding myself thinking more and more about the truly terrible thing WW has done to OMW’s 2-year old son particularly. Without thought or a shred of remorse she has changed this little boy’s entire future and relationship with men and his mother. She has inserted herself into their lives in the worst possible way and they will pay for that for a long time.
I know that in Gollum’s case if it had not been my wife there would have been another because he is a committed serial cheater, but it was my wife. Her only defense to this was lines like, “I never meant to hurt their marriage”, and “I don’t want to know anything about their marriage”. Profoundly and insanely stupid fog talk! Their personal recovery has to cross this bridge someday. How do you live with it?
I am so grateful I am the betrayed spouse. I don’t know if I could live through the shame of the other side.
I think about that quite often. SH (skanky ho) is also a serial cheater. I feel for her husband and kids.
I remember when I first found out about the TM and calling and such I kept saying please don't break up someone elses family. His reply I'm not breaking up anyones family.
That's what is different about this A. The first one was a single mom with no BF at the time. This one hadn't even been married a little over 2 years before she started with my H.
Chris, I'm right there with you on being the BS. Yes, the hurt and devastation are horrible, but I did not hurt anybody else, I didn't take anyone for granted (after the A was discovered). I have a clean slate. I'm a lucky dog...
I never had to think about what the A did to another family with children, but I did think about the first A partner's BH. I know his pain inside and out. She went back to him pretty quickly, but she just had to bump uglies with someone else BEFORE doing so. Yeuchk! I'd call her something much worse than I've ever read here, but I might get the boot for it. Hurting me is one thing; she doens't know me beyond "Hello", but she hurt her H, and my son; and that just pissed me off to all get out!
Chris, she's struggling with something, judging by her demeanor with your DD and how she 'looks' lately. You know those thoughts that bang around in your brain at night, post trigger or something similar. Imagine what's thumping around in WW's head; it can't be good, all that white noise. Especially when you couple that with taking the extra time beyond hearing the white noise to try and justify it's existence, without blaming oneself.
I agree, I could NEVER be that person. I would have divorced first, then done my own thing. (Not that I would have...I was happy...oh wait I forgot...it was miserable the whole 13 years...silly me!)
In my case SH had been D for 3 years, and was married 13 before that. BDS is officially at the 13 year mark today (Can we sing a rousing rendetion of Happy Anniversary?) so they are both very committed people...LOL!
I never thought WW could ever be that person. Another betrayed spouse's Skanky Ho problem? The unremorseful destroyer of a little boy’s future? All so she could pursue her entitled selfish fantasy happiness?
I am also very grateful I have found this place and the additional reading resources to help me understand, build and maintain the barriers that will hopefully prevent me from ever becoming someone’s Bulldozer of Stupidity.
I am sure that a wayward has a hole in their moral hull. Some no doubt are Titanic like iceberg gashes. But being the betrayed gives you the opportunity to check your hull so to speak and patch any weak spots.
Again, I am very grateful I am the betrayed spouse.
We all say we could never be that person, and maybe now that we know what we know, we couldn't be. Probably couldn't be (although there are people who come back . But I believe in the temporary insanity that comes along with waywardness. It *could* have been me. I know that. I have admitted it several times to my WW.
It feels weird to say this, but I am glad to be the BS rather than the WS. I pity my WW for what she has coming.
I had a small surprise this morning. My desktop computer at home runs a slideshow display from my picture folders cycling a new image every few seconds. There are hundreds of images in there of vacations, basketball, gardens etc. I am having my first cup of coffee this morning when I catch an image out of the corner of my eye I never saw before; Gollum and Wayzilla’s happy smiles in a portrait shot. She must have had someone at their work take the picture with my camera and then downloaded it on the computer. It was taken in November and I know exactly which day it was and I know what they did that night after work.
Now before you say, “Wow, what a trigger!” I will let you know that I immediately burst out laughing. What an ugly little mutt he is. I had not seen him in over two years. His head is a little lopsided like it had once got stuck in a piece of heavy equipment (maybe the bulldozer of stupidity) and the surgeon had trouble putting the metal plate in. He has this little goatee beard that a 17 year old boy could grow better. She is fully five inches taller than him in her heels. He does look like Gollum. “My Prechhhhhhhiiiiisssssss.”
It was also at this moment that I realized all those people at MB who have said she will one day try to reconcile even if the attempt is too feeble to recognize are absolutely right. It is really going to happen someday. These two together will make an epically stupid pairing. Fortunately, neither one of them can spawn anymore.
And I feel great today!
Last night I went after cleaning up and filing the bills and statements and moving them to the roll top desk. I came across the stash of credit card receipts from Sept-Nov that it now looks like she was hiding all together. There were all kinds of clothes and panties from stores where the normal clientele age out at about 19. An $89 dollar pair of jeans! I wonder what the 18 year old tongue pierced sales associate thought about this 45 year old woman and her taste in clothes? She bought some CD’s of bands I have never heard of but I am sure could be identified quickly by a 17 year old girl. Mid-Life crisis from He!!.
It looks like BC might be coming to Denver in July. BC and Chrisner set loose together on the Front Range and greater Denver Metropolitan area! That should be an interesting thread.
Now before you say, “Wow, what a trigger!” I will let you know that I immediately burst out laughing. What an ugly little mutt he is. I had not seen him in over two years. His head is a little lopsided like it had once got stuck in a piece of heavy equipment (maybe the bulldozer of stupidity) and the surgeon had trouble putting the metal plate in. He has this little goatee beard that a 17 year old boy could grow better. She is fully five inches taller than him in her heels. He does look like Gollum. “My Prechhhhhhhiiiiisssssss.”
Over time, most women ARE heavily influenced by HOW "they" look as a couple.
Hey, chris! I'm so glad that was your reaction! Time and space sure make a difference.
Wanna know what my first reaction was to Bab's? Relief! She's just yucky. I imagined it would be some young knock out, but it wasn't. The only thing really that she has going for her his she is thin. Otherwise....she looks old and worn...with a big nose...and a constantly b!tchy look. I've seen pictures of when she was supposedly "happy" looks "b!tchy" to me. She's actually too thin, if you ask me. She's "little girlish". No shape to her profile at all except for the big nose.
Yup, Wayzilla and Gollum will fall. And hopefully the knock she gets will bring her memory back. Kind of like a brain injury....the sense gets knocked out of you, then you get hit again later and it can be knocked back into you.
Aw, maaaaan! I love Barry White, now all I can picture is Smeagle and Gollum, instead of the ever so smooooooooth Barry White, but, as usual, that is F'n hilarious.
"I'm never ever gonna quit, 'cause quittin' just aint my schtick..."
I don't know if I've posted to you before, but I have read many of your posts. I think your sense of humor is hilarious and refreshing in times like these. I can't imagine what you'd be like if you weren't going through all of this. I bet I would split a gut.
Your last post about finding that picture had me rolling!
I wish we could all get together for an MB party one day. There are so many funny, strong, and wonderful people on these boards. It'd be a great time for sure.
Glad to see you're handling it well.
And btw.....I have always thought the name Wayzilla was hilarious. I chuckle everytime I read it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Chrisner, Just wanted to tell you that you did not offend me. I really should not post after a long day at school <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
The house will be appraised tomorrow and the meeting to mediate the final distribution of assets will be on Wednesday. If an agreement is made the paperwork will be forwarded to the Magistrate for signature on June 13th and the divorce will be final.
Wayzilla has not called DD19 for one week. She must be very busy with something. Wonder what that could be?
I asked DD how she was doing with the divorce so close to being final at dinner on Friday night. She said she works real hard not to think about it and when she does think about her Mom she views her as if she has died. That hurts. I told her be patient and there is a good chance her real mother will be back again someday. I am sure this affair will burn up in only a few months but I don’t know who will come out of it; DD’s Mother? Wayzilla? Wayzilla Part II? (there is a sequel no one would want to see). Only time will tell.
D-Day: 193 Days Ago Plan B: 125 Days Remaining Days Until Divorce is Final: 9
The timing will all be a bit tricky. We have to get all the marines on board, we must convince Hal 9000 to open the pod bay doors on time and then make sure the Queen Alien does not grab onto the chopper skids on the way out. All this while having to listen to the wayward battle cry, “Resistance is futile.”
It may take a couple of those readily expendable red shirt guys from Star Trek to buy us some time. Maybe BC would volunteer if we leave some Bud Light on the deck.
BC chere....doan do it....mais dem red shirts get killed perty quick yeah. You heard dat ting they say rite in da beginin? "Where No Man Has Gone Before"....well, dey can't "Go"....which means they full of you know what.
Scotty: Keep to the road mon. Stay away from the moors!! Bones: I'm a doctor, not a resevoir....we all have to GO Jim.
You’re right star*fish. Those red shirt guys get killed pretty quickly. They are so unlucky they even get hit by ricochets. It would take a heavily armed battalion of them just to buy a few seconds.
Maybe we can confuse and stall the waywards by tossing out a bunch of wrapped condoms. It will take them so long to understand what they are and how they work we may get out without a casualty!
I'm not Dave okay Hal? My name is Thibodeaux and I'm just tryin to figure out how to make a cosmic gumbo. I got the Borg cube soaking in a pot of Zatarans....I tink is gonna make a good roux. I'm not sure deez bifocals is workin jes rite, but I tink we jus loss another red one!
Truth is....we kilt dat borg queen hussie, but after draggin her in space a few days....she got 15 blue point crap on 'er.....we gonna run her again tommorow! Come on Hal! Open dem doors.... or nobody's goan git gumbo!
Maybe we can confuse and stall the waywards by tossing out a bunch of wrapped condoms. It will take them so long to understand what they are and how they work we may get out without a casualty!
Truth is....we kilt dat borg queen hussie, but after draggin her in space a few days....she got 15 blue point crap on 'er.....we gonna run her again tommorow! Come on Hal! Open dem doors.... or nobody's goan git gumbo!
Ooooohhhh!!
I got crab boil, 2 box salt, jar a cayenne, onions, corn cobettes, sausage, potats, and a case a Dixie.
We'll run dat hussie till we fill up a champagne basket!
Where you from chere? I was born in New Iberia, raised in New Awlins, graduated from L S U....geaux Tigers!! Who Dat? I got the pot and the crab nebulas, I tink you got everything else. Chrisner, git dem pod doors open!
Mai, I was born in Bayou Blue, raised on da Coteau, spent ma chowhood on Papou's shrimp bateau in Pointe-Aux-Chene and ma daddy's peaupierre bateau alover Terrebonne Parish workin da thrier box. I currently stay in Youngsville, work in Abbeville, and check on ma crews in da port of da berry right ware you was born. I tink I pass da bayou land perty good unhh!
I also got a 80quart and 36quart pot, a burna, 5gal propane, saw horses, a sheet a plywood, and newspapa for da peelins.
We gone hav a crab ball and pass a bon temp. Ware you best holy t-chirt and tore up shart pants.
Since crawfish are just about out of season I can only assume that you meant something else. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
Aw, man, I feel left out...I don't have a cool regional patois...and I'm from TEXAS, mind you...
Family is from Kansas...I was born in TX...dad was in the army so I lived in 4 states before I was 8...settled in west TX after he retired. No accents out there, the TX drawl comes from east TX - west TX is straight midwest English.
Went to college in Boston. Everybody thought I had this awful TX drawl. Came home for Christmas, everybody thought I had this awful Boston twang. Moved to Dallas and got a drawl, moved to Phoenix and lost it.
Married a Canuck and moved to NC. Had some trouble understanding the folks that have been there forever, but my wife can understand them perfectly - turns out that some of the Acadians that got kicked out of Nova Scotia (where she's from) settled in NC. So she grokked the backwoods French-Scottish pronunciation perfectly.
Now we live in SC, cause NC wasn't redneck enough for us <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> The problem is, I hate oysters and shrimp, so I'm in the wrong place <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
My wife swears she hears DS3 speaking French sometimes, which is weird cause to our knowledge he's never heard it.
Hey Chrisner - just got the word last week - kid #2 is going to be a boy, due at the end of October! Everything is fine so far.
Can I bring Starbucks and some smoked salmon? Maybe some steamer clams or a geoduck? (It's pronounced gooey duck-imagine a really, really, really big clam)
That's about all we are known for in the cooler regions of the Pacific Northwest.
Hey Chrisner - just got the word last week - kid #2 is going to be a boy, due at the end of October! Everything is fine so far.
Bit,
Congratulations on the boy! I am glad to hear it is all well. You're starting your own basketball team!
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I don't have a cool regional patois
I am origianally from Minnesota. Hot dish and Prarie Home Companion. Discussions about lutfisk can be a real conversation stopper.
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I want to be Ripley and kick some alien queen B-hind
Bugs,
Ripley was great but I really liked Private Vasquez in that movie too. Here is a couple ladies who would not sweat through Plan B and would probably deliver an awesome Plan FU. May not be any surviviors.
Well it’s time to go negotiate the end of this mess. I feel like Lee going to Appomattox Court House. And he will be my role model too. Dignified, polite, calm, gracious and poised. The perfect Virginia gentleman. I got a new haircut, new clothes, new shoes, new belt and a new life. I have not had any contact with Wayzilla since court on April 24th. It should be interesting. No BC style Plan FU today. But someday……….
I don’t know why, but I feel something is going on. I have felt that for a few days. DD19 called her at work just to make contact Monday morning. WW told her she was in a meeting and would call her back. As of an hour ago when I spoke to DD, she has not returned that call yet. DD is giving up to try or to care.
- A 12-year old’s style of tantrum to punish DD19? Maybe but that would have to be in combination with the affair.
- The affair burning bright and she is too fogged out to remember or care? The most likely possibility.
- The affair in trouble? Gollum absolutely did not want a divorce. He is losing a lot including his son. I don’t think he was after a new mate; he was enjoying the cheap, easy sex and attention.
- Her/their jobs in jeopardy? Their company has struggled for three years to be profitable. The Corporate headquarters has been losing patience for some time and was freely dropping hints of closure. This is not a matter of IF anymore in my opinion but rather WHEN.
Oh well, I probably will not know any more when this is over today anyway.
Like jim_aka_ken said today, she is a leading lady Oscar nominee for her performance in “Gone for Good”.
I will post tonight if anything interesting happens.
7 Days left.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. Billy Crystal (1947 - )
Yes, Rin is also a Coteau wolfe. I think we were the wolves. Do you remember Rin?
I also played baseball for the Coteau Bears. Yes, we were Black, White, and Yellow. No, I was not the Kelly Lee of the team. I did have a three wheeler though.
The asset division meeting for the proposed settlement was pretty routine for the first half hour or so. She asked for a few things still at the house (small freezer, 50 gallon aquarium, some of the plants) and that was not a problem. No biggie on the splitting of the accounts and investments. Then we got to the “Oh, one last thing”, moment. She wanted $400 per month for 48 months as maintenance. I was disappointed in this but not totally surprised and I was totally prepared.
BS to WS: Why?
WS to BS: Things are very, very shaky at the company now.
BS to WS: That’s not my problem.
BS to WS A: Maintenance is not intended to hedge future uncertain maybes. If I lose my job will she pay me $400 per month? If she does not lose her job do I get back the money with interest?
WS A to BS: Blah Blah Bad things to you Blah Blah Old Marriage Blah Blah 12 Years could ask!! Blah Blah.
BS to Morons: No. Won’t happen.
WS A to BS: $400 for 24 months.
BS to Morons: No. I hope you have a better plan.
Morons to BS: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
BS to Morons: How about this plan; I take her brand new car and payment debt, she gets the paid off POS? I just so happen to know that between the car payment and insurance, this will relieve poor WW of $417.00 per month. A perfect solution! What’s the next item?
WW to BS: NO!!
WW and A leave room to discuss. WW and A return.
WW A to BS: We drop our request for maintenance.
Mr Burns: “Exxxxxxxcellent”
Meeting adjourned.
If the final proposal looks good it will be submitted to court and finalized next Wednesday, June 13th.
Coming Soon Part 2: DD19’s apartment in Fort Collins is burglarized and vandalized. Chrisner launches 1 hour Plan FU over phone to Wayzilla.
Part 2: DD19’s apartment in Fort Collins is burglarized and vandalized. Chrisner launches 1 hour Plan FU over phone to Wayzilla.
DD19 went out with friends and late in the evening gets a call from her roommate that their apartment has been ransacked and burglarized. She lost her laptop, digital camera, clothing, jewelry and some more stuff. Things were busted up pretty good all over. She is crushed. Her friends stayed with her through the police report and helped clean up. She would not stay there overnight and her friends brought her home. She did not get here until 2:00 AM. Arrrggg.
At 11:00 PM I get a call. Thinking it is DD19 I answer it. It is Wayzilla.
We talk for a few minutes about DD19 and are glad she is safe. The laptop has some of our financial data in it too so we discuss getting with the bank in the morning to secure everything. Then Wayzilla makes a comment about how she feels I am estranging her daughter from her and that DD19 needs to make a better effort to see her and respond to her. To He!! With Robert E Lee.
It was then that seven months of pain and betrayal that had been building as this hideous poison in me exploded. I charged into what I thought would be hand to hand combat with nuclear weapons. Following a rolling screen of F-Bombs I attacked. I can not believe she did not hang up. Every point was punctuated with “AND YOU CHOSE THIS!” “YOU CAUSED THIS!” “YOU DID THIS!”
Pissed Chrisisms:
DD19 does not need a 45 year old girl friend to hang out at tattoo parlors to get Tramp Stamps with. She needs her Mom! AND YOU’RE NOT QUALIFIED.
When DD19 was failing most of her classis with only a few weeks left in the semester BECAUSE OF YOUR SELFISH THOUGHTLESS BU!!$HIT BETRAYALS who was the surviving parent studying with her every night to fix it? YOU’RE NOT QUALIFIED!
F-BOMB.
I want to know if you look in a mirror and think about all the people you have hurt to their core DD19, OMDS2, OMW, DO YOU ADMIRE WHAT YOU SEE? YOU DESTROYED TWO MARRIGES. WITHOUT REMORSE YOU COMITTED A 2-YEAR OLD BOY INTO A BROKEN FAMILY! YOU DID THIS!
F-BOMB.
Wayzilla - “I did not leave DD19.”
F-BOMB.
Then when she talks about you why does she say MOM LEFT US! YOU DESTROYED HER FAMILY! YOU DESTROYED EVERYTHING SHE EVER BELIEVED WAS HER FUTURE. YOU DID THIS! YOU CHOSE THIS!
EVERY CALL YOU MADE TO HIM, EVERY LOVE NOTE EMAIL, EVERY LIE ABOUT WHERE YOU WERE AND WHAT YOU WERE DOING WAS AS MUCH A BETRAYAL TO HER AS ME. YOU USED HER AND LIED TO HER.
REMEMBER OUR THREE GOLDEN RULES AS A FAMILY WHEN SHE WAS LITTLE? WE DON’T LIE, CHEAT, OR STEAL? HOW CAN YOU! YOU DID ALL THREE, HUNDREDS OF TIMES TO BOTH OF US.
YOUR EXAMPLE AS A PARENT THAT YOU GAVE HER ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS AND THAT INFIDELITY IS A PROPER CHOICE MAKES ME SICK.
YOU HAVE NEVER SHOWN A SECOND OF REMORSE TO HER FOR WHAT YOU DID TO HER. UNTIL YOU CAN EVER OWN UP TO YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AND GIVE HER A SINCERE, GENUINE AND HEARTFELT APOLOGY FOR WHAT YOU DID TO HER YOU WILL NEVER BEGIN TO HEAL YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR DAUGHTER.
This and much, much more for one hour.
Finally:
Have you yet apologized to OMW and OMDS2 for what you did to them? Although it is true if you had not been his 3rd affair in their marriage and the last one OMW would tolerate he would have destroyed his marriage with another woman eventually anyway. BUT IT WAS YOU.
Wayzilla – quiet.
Oh, I bet he never mentioned his other affairs to you did he? Yeah, you were number 3. Maybe number 4.
Wayzilla – dead quiet.
And then the phone battery died.
Coming Soon Part 3: Wayzilla tears and Chrisners finest 2-hours of Plan A
You have done well. You finally explained to her how the cow ate the cabbage. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Good for you. Further, your DD19 will appreciate it as well. One day she just might get her Mom back, and if she does, I have a feeling your words to Wayzilla will be part of the reason.
Wow, I read installments 1 & 2....where's 3? U R good writer but the greater part is you actually lived through all this! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> WOW!!
Chris, finally you get the undivided attention of Wayzilla and let it hang out, but in such a way that is lauded with truth, undeniable truth. I remember having similar conversation with PWC, not long after our last false recovery. I was so DONE with the Waywarddom, finished, out. I saw no further reason to hold back the anger, frustration and anguish that my son and I had dealt with for the past two years.
Then, I sunk back into Plan B, darker than dark.
Now, Wayzilla can't hide behind her wayward costume with you and DD anymore, because neither of you will allow it. You have been so dark and so patient. I can't tell you enough how you have impressed me, with your human and honesty.
Phew! Your amigos were getting ready to gas up the batmobile (sdguy has custody right now, right?), put on Wonder Woman bracelets and rescue you. From the looks of it, you can take care of yourself and DD19, too. We were at the ready, though, just holler if you need us.
We see all this talk about Mama Bears when someone is after their cubs.....Papa Bear took care of it this time! Good for you! I am so impressed with you. While I was reading, I was thinking, I've got to tuck those things away somewhere, it's EXACTLY how I feel and what I think of WH. How in the world can they not see that THEY made this CHOICE? Although, she didn't defend herself so maybe she does own it a little bit. Not enough to change it yet. You are absolutely incredible.
DD19 is so lucky to have you. So sorry to hear about her scare. (((((DD19))))) Not exactly what she needed right now.
That has to feel good to get all that off your chest. We bury that hurt so deep (or try) while doing Plan A and B, there doesn't seem to be a plan for an outlet of that. You have to get rid of it....and who better to have to face it than the WW?
Wayzilla NEEDED Plan FU and she finally got it. I'm proud of you.
Now......how do you feel about it? It takes so much energy to get rid of that chit, sometimes there is a heck of a drop afterwards. Don't drop too far, you did good.
(((((chrisner))))) and that ain't no one arm wayward hug, it's a full on "proud of papa bear" hug
And now I'm waiting oh so impatiently for the next installment. I wanna hear Wayzilla cry. (hope that's okay)
Part 3: Wayzilla Tears and the Evolution of Chrisner
Thursday June 7, 7:30 AM
Wayzilla calls on the cell phone to discuss the bank security issues due to DD19’s stolen laptop. I have not taken a call from her on the cell phone in 3-1/2 months. I answer it.
It is clear in her voice she has been crying. My response; cheerfulness, compassion, concern and helpfulness. She tells me she called her attorney again to be sure he eliminates any request for maintenance in the final proposal. She also says she does not want any of the items she requested from the house anymore.
I told her not to worry about that and I consider those things hers now. I offered to just hold on to them until she has her new place and is ready for them. I told her if there are any other things she may think of that she may need or want let me know and I will hold those for her too. I indicated that even if it something months from now that will help her in her new life and it is available call me. She does not need to filter any of these requests through her attorney any more.
She breaks down in tears. “I am confused. I don’t understand.”
“What don’t you understand?”
“Last night the things you said……now the way you are talking……you wouldn’t talk to me before…..”
“That was last night. I said what I needed to say and it’s behind me now. That’s over.”
We lay out a plan to call the bank for an appointment and to contact the insurance company to see if our homeowners insurance covers DD’s apartment because we are making all the rent payments. She makes the call to the insurance company.
She calls back. Me; cheerfulness, compassion, concern and helpfulness. We have coverage. I tell her that that is the best news we got to share together in a very long time. I thank her for making the call and tell her, “Good job.”
Her: Tears.
We agree to meet at the bank at 1:30 and I tell her we might as well start splitting the accounts now as long as we are there. I ask her to confirm with her attorney if this would be okay. It is, so we are ready to start the final disassembly of our life together.
I arrive at the bank before her and wait in the parking lot. Again I am wearing all new clothes and according to all the people I know who have watched my transformation over the past seven months, look very good.
She arrives and I go to the car to greet her. I smile and ask how she is, but I am in total shock at how she looks. It looked like she had aged 5-years since the meeting the day before. She really looks terrible. Her jacket hangs on her boney frame like a Hefty Bag. Her cloths; old and worn and baggy.
We go inside and start the proceedings. Unfortunately, due to the complexity of all the accounts we will not be able to finish it all until next Thursday. She is quiet and sad.
On April 24th she was all about splitting the accounts up right then. I said no. Now she sits and looks at the numbers and has trouble responding to the bank guy and me if this plan or that plan would be okay. If she agrees all she can do is nod. He keeps having to lean down and look up to get eye contact with her.
While bank guy is working on his computer I turn to her and ask, “So what are you planning for the aquarium? Are you going to have fish or maybe a couple turtles again?
I could barely hear her response, “I don’t know…..I was thinking maybe fish… maybe not anything”
I tell her that that sounds great and she would probably really enjoy a pretty fish tank and should do that.
Her eyes are reddening and misting.
Then I ask her where she is looking for a house or townhouse. “Are you going to get a nice patio home like our first home? That would be a perfect sized place for you.”
Her prophetic response, “I don’t know where I am going.”
We do all we can and schedule an appointment for next Thursday to complete the division. That should be the day after the divorce is final.
In the parking lot I start reviewing the other things we need to prepare to finalize. She puts on her sunglasses to hide her eyes. I am wearing my wedding band, she is not.
I tell her if there is anything she needs that I may have in the next few months to help her in her new place call me. I remind her I have a redundant collection of garden tools and she would be welcome to any of it. Then I tell her I understand if she would prefer to start her new life with new things too so it is okay if she declines.
I keep coming to the end and begin to back away to leave. She keeps starting a new conversation. After a couple of these hesitations I know she has something to say so I wait for it.
Finally she says, “I never meant to hurt you.”
Me: No response.
Her: “I have tried to be good and fair throughout the divorce. I have tried not to be unfair or punitive.”
Me: “You have done a great job. You behaved exactly as you promised you would. I appreciate that. Thank you.”
Her: Broken voice “I never meant to hurt you.”
Me: “My being hurt by this was simply unavoidable and inevitable. It is behind me now. It’s past. I am okay. I will see you next Thursday then.” I went to my car.
The night she left the house four and a half months ago my last words to her were, “I am staying here and am going to continue all the things I have been doing to better myself. I will be a better husband, father and man.”
She replied without emotion, “Okay.”
Today she met that man.
When I turned on my car the radio was playing the last few minutes of Barber’s Adagio for Strings. I looked back at WW and could not think of a more fitting and melancholy theme for her to begin her new life.
The batmobile was all gassed up and ready, but then we got some word, and he sounds pretty good. I think he emptied his Anger Bank, and Wayzilla heard it. She's not quite at rock bottom yet, but she's close.
I predict that she will be interested in reconiciliation in the not-too-distant future, so I encourage you to think about what you want. I also encourage you to set up a consultation with the Harleys so that they can guide you if reconciliation is what you want. I have to think that dealing with broken WS's at the bottom can be tricky.
The night she left the house four and a half months ago my last words to her were, “I am staying here and am going to continue all the things I have been doing to better myself. I will be a better husband, father and man.”
She replied without emotion, “Okay.”
Today she met that man.
Damn.
I'm going to print that out and put it in my wallet.
Oh, Chris...I happen to agree with JL...there ALL along and she just couldn't see...pity!
SO, how are YOU feeling today? I know with myself sometimes my emotions are slow in the making...
I knwo that PODS will not have the wonderful life that he once had...he will be struggling to keep afloat! I imagine seeing him one day like you saw WW...
Chris, your writing about what transpired was so moving. I was silently cheering you on (even though it was after the fact). You rock. No... you ARE a rock. Wayzilla has lost BIGTIME in losing you... and she's beginning to see it.
chris, I don't even know what to say. I'm absolutely speechless.
You ARE an incredible and it is great that you see it. Wayzilla sees it, too. That is why she is confused. I agree with sdguy, she may start think about reconcilation any day. I knew uno amigo wasn't out of the hunt for a recovered marriage. It'll be up to you.....will she ever be able to deserve you?
Keep us posted (no pun intended <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />) winds of change are ablowin' in Colorado.
Ditto for me on PrincessMeggy's comments. Ive followed your thread for months and have been rooting for you.
You have been the absolute picture of courage under fire. If there is something like a state of grace that comes out of these horrendous situations, you appear to have found it.
I second the princess. Have been watching your sitch from afar since your first post. I amaround your age and have a middle child (S) that is 19, so I have read with great interest how you and DD19 are coping.
I think you handled yourself great. There have been some good Plan FU moments on this board - yours and BC are classic. BTW, I believe your story almost brought the servers down, since it took 45 min to post this msg.
I have no doubt you expressed the very thoughts that a lot of BS would like to say while they are enduring their own personal h3ll in the face of an active affair.
Thanks for sharing - I appreciate your style of writing.
That's what he has to decide, I think. If he doesn't, he should ride out the Feel-Good-Having-Emptied-the-Anger-Bank I'm-Going-to-Be-Okay-No-Great wave and hope that the roller coaster doesn't set in again later. If he does want her to come home, I think that there may be things he can do right now to nudge her in that direction, which is why I recommended the Harleys, because I don't know what they are.
If he's ambivalent, which it sounds to me like he is, he can just go with the flow and see what happens.
Chris, I think you've done an amazing job so far. DD19 is really lucky to have you as a father.
Batmobile was gassed up, tanks were loaded, troops at the ready when the 4 Star General stepped to the front and took complete charge of the situation!
You are the man you said you would be. How proud you should be of yourself. I know you have amazed and inspired all of us!
YOU HAVE NEVER SHOWN A SECOND OF REMORSE TO HER FOR WHAT YOU DID TO HER. UNTIL YOU CAN EVER OWN UP TO YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AND GIVE HER A SINCERE, GENUINE AND HEARTFELT APOLOGY FOR WHAT YOU DID TO HER YOU WILL NEVER BEGIN TO HEAL YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR DAUGHTER.
Truer words were never spoken.
Repentance and remorse are evidenced by actions.
I knew my wife was "morphing" back into the person I once knew when she met with our four children, one at a time, to talk with them about how wrong her affair had been and to seek their forgiveness.
This is the hardest part for most people, shouldering the FACT that "I" am the guilty party and "I" am the one who caused your hurt and "I" was WRONG.
holymoly asked the most pertinent question, Chrisner. The "way of the world" is set and you will soon be divorced.
You wife appears to be "finally" be facing her "bubble of infidelity" bursting....and if she is....she will be too scared to say anything figuring you would never take her back. So holymoly's question is VERY relevant because once the bubble bursts....REALITY slams home with a vengenance.
IF you see a change beginning what do YOU want to do?
Either way, you have become much more stronger and clearer about yourself, your marriage, and "whats truly important in life."
Amazing, chris. (picking up jaw off the floor). I've been out of the loop, trying to find some resoltion in my own soul.
I sincerely hope that when the time comes, I will have the same grace, strength, confidence and acceptance in my heart to act as you did post FU.
You are without a doubt an inspiration to all of your fellow Bees.
In terms of the "pertinent" question, I have absolute faith that you will make the right call at the right time.
(I admit my favorite part was the big FU, because it's fun to sort of experience that vicariously...but the rest was wonderful, too. BC's was great fun to read, too.)
Hi everyone. Thanks for all the kind thoughts. Sorry I did not respond right away but between DD19's apartment disaster and the somewhat unexpected turn of events with Wayzilla it has taken a little time.
Holymoly did ask the million dollar question. My answer is I have always been willing to take back my wife but not a wayward. She is still a wayward. A hurt, confused, crumbling wayward perhaps, but still wayward. She may be in the fall to "rock bottom" but is not there yet. Will she hit like a superball and have rebounds or is she a ripe tomato? No one knows. Certainly not her.
BC mentioned remorse. She was not expressing remorse when she said, "I never meant to hurt you." Or, "I didn't want to hurt you."
If a terrorist is hiding in an orphanage and the Air Force determines that the value of the target is worth the lives of the children around him, they would not be expressing remorse when they truthfully say, "We did not want to hurt the children." But the fact is they fired the missile anyway. She fired the missile. She believed she could live with the consequences of the collateral damage. Time will tell.
In addition her, "I never meant to hurt you." was most likely a reference to the divorce not the infidelity. Her wayward mind and conviction that the divorce and the affair are unrelated remains intact.
A dark Plan B by definition removes you from tactical knowledge of your WS situation, but I think the following is happening:
The affair is on the rocks or has ended. Certainly giving her the knowledge of his serial affair past will not help that. It seemed to hit.
Her company really is in trouble and her job in jeopardy sometime post divorce. That must be scary.
My Plan FU made a few penetrative hits. In Particular, regarding DD19 which was mostly the point. My Plan FU focused almost entirely on DD19 and the OM's family. If it had been all about me she would have hung up. It was a brutal hammering.
The best I can determine her mid-life crisis fantasy was: Her, living a nice fun new occasionally wild single life, independent, in charge, pretty little house, pretty little yard, DD19 at her side when she wanted her, and Gollum for frequent sleepovers. Sounds good but..
Reality bites.
This all can not sort out by next Wednesday. Pep is right. There is time. As I sit on my beautiful flagstone patio garden I built for her last year, sipping coffee, watching birds and typing this, I realize there is plenty of time.
If a relationship is ever possible again with my wife it will have to be post divorce. She has a long way to go on her journey. A very long way. Her recovery is not about our relationship. It is about her. If she does not fix that she is not going to be capable of a healthy relationship anyway. Not with me or anyone.
I talked to DD19 yesterday and told her that I believe I am finally coming out of the worst 7-months I will ever expect to live through in my life. And her mother is just entering hers. And hers may be much longer and much harder and she may not ever get out. I told DD it could ultimately involve abusive relationships and addictions. And I told DD that it may fall to the two people that WW hurt the most to help save her. We can't change her. But I think we will know what to do when the time comes. Until then, we have each other.
So..
It is time to go to swank art festivals with Cajuns, party with beautiful television news reporters, visit with fruits and nuts in California, coach the best freshmen boys basketball team in Jeffco next year, continue to watch my daughter grow into the beautiful independent adult she is going to be, continue to grow as a father and a man and someday if I should be so blessed again, maybe get the privilege to show someone what an incredible husband I can be. And none of this is a fantasy. It's my life.
I talked to DD19 yesterday and told her that I believe I am finally coming out of the worst 7-months I will ever expect to live through in my life. And her mother is just entering hers. And hers may be much longer and much harder and she may not ever get out. I told DD it could ultimately involve abusive relationships and addictions. And I told DD that it may fall to the two people that WW hurt the most to help save her. We can’t change her. But I think we will know what to do when the time comes. Until then, we have each other.
How could any woman leave a man w/ such wisdom, compassion and integrity?
talked to DD19 yesterday and told her that I believe I am finally coming out of the worst 7-months I will ever expect to live through in my life. And her mother is just entering hers. And hers may be much longer and much harder and she may not ever get out. I told DD it could ultimately involve abusive relationships and addictions. And I told DD that it may fall to the two people that WW hurt the most to help save her. We can’t change her. But I think we will know what to do when the time comes. Until then, we have each other.
So………..
It is time to go to swank art festivals with Cajuns, party with beautiful television news reporters, visit with fruits and nuts in California, coach the best freshmen boys basketball team in Jeffco next year, continue to watch my daughter grow into the beautiful independent adult she is going to be, continue to grow as a father and a man and someday if I should be so blessed again, maybe get the privilege to show someone what an incredible husband I can be. And none of this is a fantasy. It’s my life.
Chris, you've got the right on, man. You are going to be A okay. It's a strange feeling when you KNOW the worst of it all is behind you, isn't it? It's liberating and reinforcing. If you can weather this, you can be stronger and happier than ever before.
You are right about WZ, I'm almost positive. She is spiralling downward. It can be a terrible thing to see of someone you've cared so deeply for. Hang in there.
Your plan to continue to grow and live and love is most excellent. I hope that WZ finds her way out, even if the end result is that she has a good relationship with her daughter someday, that is a very important thing. Daughters and mothers have a tough go at it, many times, even without the pain of infidelity.
Your behavior through all of this has shown DD19 what a real man is like, what he DOES. Let's hope, when the time comes, that she finds a man like her dad
The agreements were signed, the paperwork submitted on time and at 7:30 AM today the magistrate reviewed, approved and signed the agreement ending our 26 year marriage.
May 8th 1981 to June 13th 2007.
It is done.
My first call was to DD19 to let her know. She told me, “Daddy I love you. I am so proud of how hard you worked and tried to save our family. Dad, if you could not do it then no one could.”
I got a great kid.
I did fine for the settlement but if all I ended up with was a pair of gardening jeans, an old Drum Corps tee shirt and two dimes I would have still been fine as long as I still had my relationship with my daughter.
Not exactly my goal when I came here just six months ago.
There went my chance to get a bronze bust in the MB Hall of Fame.
But I want to thank you all for the encouragement, support and advice I have received these past months. I really do not want to know just how more devastating a blow this all would have been without the knowledge and compassion I have received here. You have all helped to cut months out of my personal recovery and understanding of what has happened.
Jim95: You were my first poster to my original thread in JFO. I know everyone here will be amazed and surprised when your advice was EXPOSE!!!
Bitbucket: The only one here who gets references to Color Sergeant Bourne.
Believer: You jumped in to help me get the woodchipper thread locked in 24 hours on a weekend. That has to be a record.
Star*fish. I wish I could have been there to go to the old Saenger Theater with you in N.O. You would have forgotten Neal The Real Deal! I GARONTEE!
The Iowa Class Battleships of MB: Pep Melody Mortarman Big K The Wonderings Marsh Orchid Graycloud Just Learning Lousy Golfer Ark Frog Dealan-de Weaver Schoolbus Longhorn
All the Killer Bees. stillhurting01 InHisCare Ken313 lunamare Jayban Dogfood HopeThisWorks fightingback reachingout ForeverInLove missingmyhusband PUD MarriedForever holymoly
All those who passed through my threads or whose threads or sage advise I watched, read and learned: Shattered Dreams Skylite RLT Eph525 Hopeandpray Newbegining II Larry Mark1952 Mopey Sadmo Moveforward Togetheralone Princessmeggy Foreverhers Crossroads2007 Brokendreams And to all I have forgotten.
Bugs, Sis and Rin: The Charlie’s Angels of the Killer Bees. I will be looking for a Goddess someday. I hope I can be so fortunate as to find one like you three.
Ace: A ray of sunshine in the darkness.
CJ: What a magnificent woman you are! It is time for a coronation! You are not the Mama Bee, you are the Queen Bee.
And finally my Amigos: SDguy, Silent, Cowgirl, and Beau. You guys have meant the world to me.
Well, you fought the good fight. I hope you now take some time to recover. Our MB men get snapped up like hotcakes, so be very careful. Don't fall in love with the first woman who smiles at you.
Hope you're doing okay today. It's tough, no matter what your thoughts are for Wayzilla right now. There's a lot of chapters left in your book of life. A new chapter is just beginning, will Wayzilla be there in those pages somewhere? Hopefully not, but I'm positive the woman your W used to be will be. The question is in what capacity will she be there. Simply as your X, only as DD19 mother, or after the A bullchit is gone, a friend? Or more....who knows?
Remember....there is still breath in both of you. I'm not saying to wait for her, I'm not saying to stop living your life or to stop moving forward. Make your life what you want it to be. Just know that if you want to still hold a fraction of hope, that it is okay, it is still there. But don't stop living for you, either.
You ARE a prize. I agree with believer, be careful who you honor with that prize. Make sure she deserves you and take your sweet time finding her. There are many fish out there, just don't end up with a bottom feeder!
(((((chrisner)))))
Now, one last warning. PLEASE be careful when you are out with the crazy Cajun! BUT HAVE A GREAT TIME!
WW will be in for a rude awakening when she realizes she is more unhappy divorced than she was married and her relationship w/ OM continues to deteriorate even though she's now made it "legitimate." The only problem with your plan B was that your state granted the divorce before she could hit rock bottom. Don't worry, it won't take long now. Just remember to continue the plan B, and I'm sure your WW will be sniffing around you and your daughter around the holidays.
There are more bronze busts in the MB Hall of Fame than you might imagine. No one said the marriage "had to be saved" to qualify!
When you fight the good fight, use the MB principals, and focus on personal growth and healing, you come out a winner regardless of the outcome of the marriage.
You earned your stripes. Now quit gazing at helicopters and get on with your new life!
So are all of these people sunbathing topless or do they use the spary on Tan. The busts I have seen are usually quite pale. Bronze Busts sounds like a novel idea.
Chris all kidding aside success is not measured by saving or not saving the M.
To me success is measured by being a different better person when everything is said and done. I beleive that is true in your case. Making you a success.
For me my main thing was to try everything I could to save my M. At the end of the day if I did that and it failed I could say I gave it my all. Looks like you did that too.
You held your head up high and have garnered the respect of your DD. You have set a stellar example of what love really is.
I think it will help her in her life. When she gets married one day and things get tough I think she will follow the example you have set.
You just might get in the Hall. You see the purpose of this site is to give the marriage the best chance to survive and you did that. More importantly you provided some amazing lessons to your DD19 and I think you will find in the years to come, that what she has learned from you during all of this mess, may well get you in the Hall. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
You know as well as I do, since you also coach basketball, that with kids learning the game it is the effort that is more important than the outcome, it is the growth, it is the willingness to step and learn more. I don't see any difference with you. You showed all of the characteristics of a winner, and I do think in the long run YOU will be very happy with your efforts, what you have learned, and what you have taught your daughter, this may well be your best coaching job.
Bitbucket: The only one here who gets references to Color Sergeant Bourne.
Excused duty!
Seriously - both condolences and congratulations are in order. I'm sorry that you went through this, but you showed an extraordinary amount of grace and strength through the ordeal. I also loved your well placed plan FU.
Can't wait to hear what she's like at the bank tomorrow.
First, thanks for the kind words! I don't know where your Goddess may be right now, but the day she finds you, she will certainly be Blessed with a gift direct from God!
All I can say is DITTO everything that has already been posted here!
I hope you realize that using the word Bust now has BC thinking about nothing besides BUSTS! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Hope you stick around here, you have much to contribute.
There went my chance to get a bronze bust in the MB Hall of Fame.
Chrisner - Bullhockey! Nonsense! Phtooey!
Those bronze busts are for everyone who TRIED in the face of enormous odds and against gargantuan adversity, who "fought the good fight" instead slinking away in abject surrender.
Some are just the Bronze Busts.
Some are Bronze Busts WITH Gold Star for the marriages that didn't survive.
Which has "greater honor?" All those who tried with all their soul regardless of an unknown future and emerged a better, sounder, person from the experience. To KNOW love, not just feel love.
I have to concur with what everyone is saying here, Chris. Think about it...in your kind words--probably brought on my drunkenness I might add <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />--you mentioned that I'm to be coronated Queen Bee. Well...MY marriage didn't survive. My exH is currently living on the other coast, has dumped his final OW long ago and is currently sort of co-habitating with someone else (on the weekends...because he can't commit), and has grown a little personally but not really done any counseling, nor does he go to therapy or the doc for his illnesses. He has changed jobs many times...moved many times...basically still his bipolar, unwilling to change, disrespectful self. [On a positive note, I will say that four years later, he did finally admit to me one day that he was a horrible husband to me and that I didn't deserve it.]
However, chris, speaking in a positive way about myself, go look at still's thread and you'll see everything that *I* accomplished. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I think I may have gotten the bronze bust because *I* recovered! I am a completely different woman today, and I stayed on the journey of self-improvement after my D was final! Now, I am ecstatically married to a man who is a GOOD match to me...and I am emotionally healthy! *I* recovered!
I can understand the need to possible stay off of MB for a while. In all significant ways, the A is over (for you) and the pain of hearing other peoples' stories can sometimes keep ya "in it" rather than recovering...but I really do hope you come back and share your wisdom and wit when you're ready. People who come here are in the darkest times of their lives, and they need a man who can be direct, positive and even funny sometimes--to remind 'em how to laugh again. Men need "men-folk" to talk to, and they need an example of growing big brass ones--exposing--owning their own stuff--and staying the course.
This day is a tragedy for Wayzilla, and I'm sure she doesn't know it. But it is a triumph for your and your DD19 (for whom my admiration at her young wisdom grows daily).
You keep your personal growth and your big brass one's away from me you sick son of a......wait a minute.....ohhhhhh, I get it. I was thinking something else.
nevermind
sorry
I'm bringin my cane knife just in case <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
Bronze busts, battleship. Hm.... not very flattering even at my age. LOL!!! Still I know it was a compliment from the heart and we love you for it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Chrisner, I hope this don't mean you are leaving us. We need someone of your stamina to keep the newbies in line. Let them know recovery at all levels are possible.
I am proud to know you pulled through and your children are a credit to you as well.
Good luck, Chrisner. You've shown us all how to retain a sense of humour and perspective, during a time of devastating pain.
Sometimes it's important to observe how ridiculous the behaviour of people-acting-with-distorted-morality can be.
Lots of people in the MB Hall, whose marriages could not be saved. It's the saving of the self that earns a place on the plinth, whatever happens to the marriage.
I never really know what to say about the bad times. I don't believe they have a purpose so much as they teach us about ourselves. I'm absolutely positive that you are absolutely fabulous! WZ will figure that out as she bottoms out; just a shame it takes all of this pain and grief to show people who we really are.
Being the BS and finding MB, your self recovery has helped you to become what WILL be a better H in the future, or a better partner if M is not what you want.
I'm sorry that I haven't been posting much, I threw out my back picking DS up to put in the grocery cart Monday afternoon, and have been in bed since. Back at work today, hobbling around like a veeeery old lady.
Who knows what the days and months will bring? You are prepared for it all.
Let's just hope that WZ is able to drop the waywardness and hold her daughter in her arms once more. It's a trajedy what has been done to their relationship.
It would be nice that when a divorce is final it is final. More crap work to do and mostly all by me; cash out refinance, split the bank accounts, split multiple investments and IRA’s, insurances, car titles, blah, blah, blah. Ah, the joys of the thrill a minute single life. But it should only be a few more days now. Then I move on from a Dark Plan B to something even darker like the Witness Protection Program. Wayzilla will have an easier time finding Jimmy Hoffa.
I had to use the term ex-wife in an official conversation for the first time yesterday. Boy does that sound funny after 26 years.
But I am doing well. The finality of the D brings around a lot of emotional regurgitation but it passes pretty quickly. A visit from all your old friends from the past few months; anger, depression, anxiety, sadness. But they are not that welcome anymore so they don’t hang around too long. Plan B has helped a lot in preparation for this day.
Oh well, I thought I would keep this thread going for a while as a welcome spot for all the A’s, Bee’s and my new favorites, the Dee’s. So come on in and grab a “comfy chair”. No Spanish Inquisition here. Come on in to vent, laugh, cry and live.
Drinks and snacks are always on the house in this thread. The grill is open 24/7. Plus I was thinking of running a course on the proper use and care of a woodchipper.
I remember, right after PWC and I married, calling him my HUSBAND, and how strange that sounded to me, like he belonged to me in some way. That's gotta be weird to say XW.
For your enjoyment...
Quote
The Spanish Inquisition by Monty Python
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In the early years of the 16th century, to combat the rising tide of religious unorthodoxy, the Pope gave Cardinal Ximinez of Spain leave to move without let or hindrance throughout the land, in a reign of violence, terror and torture that makes a smashing film. This was the Spanish Inquisition... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (this transcript is also available with screen shots from the original) Chapman: Trouble at mill. Cleveland: Oh no - what kind of trouble? Chapman: One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treadle. Cleveland: Pardon? Chapman: One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treadle. Cleveland: I don't understand what you're saying. Chapman: [slightly irritatedly and with exaggeratedly clear accent] One of the cross beams has gone out askew on the treadle. Cleveland: Well what on earth does that mean? Chapman: *I* don't know - Mr Wentworth just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at the mill, that's all - I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.
[JARRING CHORD]
[The door flies open and Cardinal Ximinez of Spain [Palin] enters, flanked by two junior cardinals. Cardinal Biggles [Jones] has goggles pushed over his forehead. Cardinal Fang [Gilliam] is just Cardinal Fang]
Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again.
[The Inquisition exits]
Chapman: I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.
[JARRING CHORD]
[The cardinals burst in]
Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms - Oh damn! [To Cardinal Biggles] I can't say it - you'll have to say it. Biggles: What? Ximinez: You'll have to say the bit about 'Our chief weapons are ...' Biggles: [rather horrified]: I couldn't do that...
[Ximinez bundles the cardinals outside again]
Chapman: I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.
[JARRING CHORD]
[The cardinals enter]
Biggles: Er.... Nobody...um.... Ximinez: Expects... Biggles: Expects... Nobody expects the...um...the Spanish...um... Ximinez: Inquisition. Biggles: I know, I know! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. In fact, those who do expect - Ximinez: Our chief weapons are... Biggles: Our chief weapons are...um...er... Ximinez: Surprise... Biggles: Surprise and -- Ximinez: Okay, stop. Stop. Stop there - stop there. Stop. Phew! Ah! ... our chief weapons are surprise...blah blah blah. Cardinal, read the charges. Fang: You are hereby charged that you did on diverse dates commit heresy against the Holy Church. 'My old man said follow the--' Biggles: That's enough. [To Cleveland] Now, how do you plead? Clevelnd: We're innocent. Ximinez: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
[DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER]
Biggles: We'll soon change your mind about that!
[DIABOLICAL ACTING]
Ximinez: Fear, surprise, and a most ruthless-- [controls himself with a supreme effort] Ooooh! Now, Cardinal -- the rack!
[Biggles produces a plastic-coated dish-drying rack. Ximinez looks at it and clenches his teeth in an effort not to lose control. He hums heavily to cover his anger]
Ximinez: You....Right! Tie her down.
[Fang and Biggles make a pathetic attempt to tie her on to the drying rack]
Ximinez:Right! How do you plead? Clevelnd: Innocent. Ximinez: Ha! Right! Cardinal, give the rack [oh dear] give the rack a turn.
[Biggles stands their awkwardly and shrugs his shoulders]
Biggles: I.... Ximinez: [gritting his teeth] I *know*, I know you can't. I didn't want to say anything. I just wanted to try and ignore your crass mistake. Biggles: I... Ximinez: It makes it all seem so stupid. Biggles: Shall I...? Ximinez: No, just pretend for God's sake. Ha! Ha! Ha!
[Biggles turns an imaginary handle on the side of the dish-rack]
[Cut to them torturing a dear old lady, Marjorie Wilde]
Ximinez: Now, old woman -- you are accused of heresy on three counts -- heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, and heresy by action -- *four* counts. Do you confess? Wilde: I don't understand what I'm accused of. Ximinez: Ha! Then we'll make you understand! Biggles! Fetch...THE CUSHIONS!
[JARRING CHORD]
[Biggles holds out two ordinary modern household cushions]
Biggles: Here they are, lord. Ximinez: Now, old lady -- you have one last chance. Confess the heinous sin of heresy, reject the works of the ungodly -- *two* last chances. And you shall be free -- *three* last chances. You have three last chances, the nature of which I have divulged in my previous utterance. Wilde: I don't know what you're talking about. Ximinez: Right! If that's the way you want it -- Cardinal! Poke her with the soft cushions!
[Biggles carries out this rather pathetic torture]
Ximinez: Confess! Confess! Confess! Biggles: It doesn't seem to be hurting her, lord. Ximinez: Have you got all the stuffing up one end? Biggles: Yes, lord. Ximinez [angrily hurling away the cushions]: Hm! She is made of harder stuff! Cardinal Fang! Fetch...THE COMFY CHAIR!
[JARRING CHORD]
[Zoom into Fang's horrified face]
Fang [terrified]: The...Comfy Chair?
[Biggles pushes in a comfy chair -- a really plush one]
Ximinez: So you think you are strong because you can survive the soft cushions. Well, we shall see. Biggles! Put her in the Comfy Chair!
[They roughly push her into the Comfy Chair]
Ximinez [with a cruel leer]: Now -- you will stay in the Comfy Chair until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven. [aside, to Biggles] Is that really all it is? Biggles: Yes, lord. Ximinez: I see. I suppose we make it worse by shouting a lot, do we? Confess, woman. Confess! Confess! Confess! Confess Biggles: I confess! Ximinez: Not you!
Chris: I thought of you on Father's Day, so a belated salute to you! I'm sure it had special meaning to both you and your daughter this year. I'm thinking maybe a little bittersweet?
Definitely Father of the Year material...
(hee, hee...the FOTY award....)
Glad you haven't left all permanent-like. We need a conductor on the D-line. You up for the job?
The Inquistion (Let’s Begin) The Inquisition (Look out sin) We have a mission To convert the Jew (Jew Jew Jew Jew Jew Jew Jew) We’re gonna teach them (Wrong from right) We’re gonna help them (See the light) And make an offer that they can’t refuse. (That the Jews just can’t refuse)
Confess…Don’t be boring Say yes… Don’t be dull A fact… You’re ignoring It’s better to lose your skullcap than your skull (Or your gavalt)
The Inquisition (What a show) The Inquisition (Here we go) We know you’re wishing that we’d go away But the inquisition’s here and it’s here to stay
The inquisition (Oh boy) The inquisition (What joy) The inquisition (Oi oi)
I was sitting in a chapel I was minding my own business I was listening to a lovely Hebrew mass Then these papus person’s plungered And they throw me in a dungeon And they shoved a red hot poker up my [censored] Is that considerate? Is that polite? And not a tube of preparation H in sight.
I’m sittin’ flickin’ chickens And was lookin’ thru the thickens When suddenly these guys break down the walls I didn’t even know them And they grabbed me by the scrotum And they started playing Ping Pong with my balls Oy the agony Oy the Shame To make my privates public for a game
The Inquisition (What a show) The Inquisition (Here we go) We know you’re wishing that we’d go away But the inquisition’s here and it’s here to…
Hey Torquemada What do you say
I just got back from the auto-da-fé , auto-da-fé What’s the auto-da-fé? It’s what you oughtn’t to do but you do anyway.
Skit scat doodlebac doodle be bay
Will you convert….NO NO NO NO Will you confess….NO NO NO NO Will you revert….NO NO NO NO Will you say YES….NO NO NO NO
Now I asked in a nice way I said pretty please I bent their ears Now I’ll work on the knees
Hey Torquemada Walk this way We got a new game you might want to play Pull this handle, try your luck Who knows Torque, You might win a buck (All right)
Put it in the car In the car In the car
How we doing. Any converts today? Not a one Nay Nay Nay We’ve flattened their fingers We’ve branded their buns Nothing is working SEND IN THE NUNS
The Inquisition (What a show) The Inquisition (Here we go) We know you’re wishing that we’d go away So come on all you heathens and you Jews We got some good news for all of yous You’d better change your point of views today Cause the inquisitions here and it’s here to say.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Mama Bee can BOOGIE!
I thought of you on Father’s Day! You and all the Bee women and A women and Dee women who have stepped up to be both parents over the last year or two! You are all my heroes!!
Conductor of the D-Line? That’s cool since I was drummed out as the Quartermaster/Master Sergeant of the Killer Bees. Yes, I was the first of our graduating class out, and will probably not not be the last. But, we are all better people for what has been handed to us. We fought and continue to fight on the side of what is good and right. There is no shame here!! And all who are still married, or still believe, you need to keep fighting as long as there is still a chance.
I would love to be Tom Hanks like the conductor in Polar Express. Awesome Family Movie!! On the other hand, I can see me as Tom Hanks as the coach in A League of Their Own, yelling at the girls, “There’s is no crying in basketball!!” (baseball!!) even more clearly.
Sis, you are my hero. You and all the women here at MB who believe to their very core in their family, their dignity and their marriage vows. Regardless of how it turns out you are all heroes!.
With all this baseball talk, I gotta slide in here.
Coach C may be on the sidelines temporarily. But have you heard of player/coaches?
My H's mentor and his wife were re-married after 2 years of being divorced.
So here's my little a ray of sunshine as summer approaches. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> I wouldn't hold my breath, Chrisner, and neither did H's mentor's wife.....but her H's fog suddenly lifted during an inadvertant 'family' outing and they remarried.....and have now been together over 35 more years.
It could happen..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
Alrighty then....looks like there's a few seats left. Hmmmmm...I think I'll settle myself in the comfy leather recliner. Pass the bourbon, please, chris.
(cough, cough, sputter, gag <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />) okay, maybe I'll have a wine cooler instead. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
Ace, thanks for that story. I'm a firm believer that reconciliation can happen after D if both parties are willing. WOW! Another 35 years? That is truly amazing.
Sometimes things move so quickly there just isn't time for their addiction to be dealt with before a D is final. Sometimes the D is what helps a light shine through the fog. Reality hits like a ton of bricks. I think my WH believes that after the D is over, his life will be, "poof" all better, and that he and I will be "friends", all the anger, frustration, and guilt will magically disappear and he will be able to have contact with me again.
I plan on being in Plan B as long as it takes for he and Bab's to dissolve (or she melts like the wicked witch of the west that she is). I'm not sure I'll be leaning towards reconciliation at that point, just better able to tolerate him and be willing to hear what he has to say.
Anyhoo......I will soon be on the bench with chrisner. T-6 days for me. Bab's D isn't even on the books yet! I'm pretty confident that WH and Bab's will be done by the time her D becomes final. They think it was tough with us, wait until they don't have anyone at all to reinforce how great they think they are...and then they will face what they've lost and realize they are responsible for it.
Almost feel sorry for them......almost. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> Is it bad that I wanna see them cry? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />
I think my WH believes that after the D is over, his life will be, "poof" all better, and that he and I will be "friends", all the anger, frustration, and guilt will magically disappear and he will be able to have contact with me again.
Yep,
When Wayzilla was running off with half the money from the banks last week her last words to me were, "I don't want you totally out of my life. I want to know how you are and what you are up to."
My mouth fell open and I started to think about woodchippers again.
Nope. When I get these last few paperwork items and the refinance out of the way she will get hit with the "Jimmy Hoffa Plan B".
I think my WH believes that after the D is over, his life will be, "poof" all better, and that he and I will be "friends", all the anger, frustration, and guilt will magically disappear and he will be able to have contact with me again.
And you will be convenient co-parents and drop by each other's houses and everything will be roses. Pretty typical WS thinking.
Some people do this (my neighbor says her XH is her best friend), but it sounds weird to me as well as threatening to any future relationship with a different person.
Let's not forget that there are other fishies in the sea, my friends. Fishies that don't go swimming with other fishies when they are devoted to one fishy. You've got the tools to not have this as a part of your life anymore.
So, in conclusion, go swim with the fishes.
Oh, [email]cr@pola[/email], that means you're dead. So that analogy just isn't going to work. Anyhoo, imagine what it would be like to fall in love all over again; that's my goal, and if PWC were not home, and I got D'd, eventually, that would be a goal for me at the right time. I would settle for no less, ever again, than a good woman deserves.
So, Chris, do you have to hang out at Giant's Stadium in order to do this "Jimmy Hoffa Plan B"?
About WZ, typical reaction to not really wanting to let go, isn't it, that whole "I still want to know you" bit. Well, looks like she ain't gonna have much of a choice but to either chase you down, or let go. I don't think she's gonna like the latter choice. Nope, nuh-uh, not gonna like it.
Oh, and if there are liquid refreshments, I'd like a cider, please!
Just wait until she's alone on Thanksgiving and Christmas while your daughter celebrates the holidays with you. She'll never know what hit her. This single life will be MUCH worse than her married life. She'll be back. The question is whether or not you'll still want her.
"What, may I ask, is "studing"? Or is that obvious?"
Isn't she the "Night Operations Tactical Equipment Specialist"
Seems I will be making some deliveries of batteries to THAT location...
Please sign here....
And Chris:
The Fargo chipper can be delivered via UPS, and is gas powered. However, not all of us have the necessary tractor PTO shaft needed for your Liberty Implements woodchipper.
I was going to add "all sweaty from a hard day's ride" but the boots and spurs already had me excited!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I'm just going to let this one go.......
SL: Milk?! Hmmph. I'd like you to know that I've been known to throw back a few shots of Jose now and again. But SOMEONE still has to be the responsible parent so I stick with the weeny coolers for the most part. I've also been known to order PEPSI when out with friends. I just make sure I am with friends that I don't have to get drunk with to enjoy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I'm not sure yet which group you are all in. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> Ya ever seen a tipsy fox? Not so foxy...
Oh, we're in the third group, the unmentioned group, you know the one. We're the group that you get drunk with and pee your pants from laughter. Not so foxy, but it's a hoot anyway!
I think my WH believes that after the D is over, his life will be, "poof" all better, and that he and I will be "friends", all the anger, frustration, and guilt will magically disappear and he will be able to have contact with me again.
And you will be convenient co-parents and drop by each other's houses and everything will be roses. Pretty typical WS thinking.
Some people do this (my neighbor says her XH is her best friend), but it sounds weird to me as well as threatening to any future relationship with a different person.
Yeah, that's the one problem I have with the REBA sitcom. Her and WH (now married to OW w/child) happily live close to each other and drop in on each other all the time. Hollywood... get a clue!
What's happenin', chris? Did ya run out of bourbon?
The big D has been delayed for me again. No definate date at this time but probably in August. Darn criminal trials take precedence. Maybe I shoulda woodchippered WH, I'd be in court sooner. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Just kidding!
Check in when ya can. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Fox
I thought I was next in the d-line....then it got d-railed.
Maybe I shoulda woodchippered WH, I'd be in court sooner.
No one would convict you.
What a weekend.
DD19 badly sprained her ankle helping me at a boy’s basketball practice last Wednesday Night. She could not work her lifeguard job Thursday or Friday but they could not replace her for Saturday. I felt somewhat responsible for her situation and although her ankle was improving I decided to sit with her at her community pool and sort of be the lifeguard for the lifeguard. I did to toting and baling getting the chairs and umbrellas set up then sat down to read my book all afternoon.
Enter Frau DivorcenGruppenFuhrer Carmen and her loyal squad of Frau DivorcenGrenadiers. I was something between a steak in the starving Doberman pen and the token male guest on The View. I was grilled and questioned and analyzed by a funny and wonderful group of divorced woman for hours. They alternated between trying to embarrass me and pump me for information. Every now and then some MBesqe stuff would come out of me regarding relationships and emotional needs and how the failure to meet each others emotional need leaves our marriage vulnerable to its destruction. Normal stuff talked about here everyday was all brand new to this crowd and they loved it. I am in a totally comfortable, happy and laid back Plan A. That’s a way of life now.
People come and go and in the afternoon I am called over to my second interview (Spanish Inquisition?) with the Frau DivorcenGrenadiers. They have summoned a new squad member to their group and I am thinking, “Oh oh. This must be the sniper.”
Of course they have it arranged so I will be sitting next to her. We all talk and laugh for a half hour or so when Frau DivorcenGruppenFuhrer Carmen suddenly announces, “Ladies, I think we should leave these two alone to talk. Can’t you see how well they get along? Don’t they look sweet together? Ta-ta.” And off go the Grenadiers and their evil genius Leader to plan their next assault.
Long story short; - She is a funny, smart, educated and attractive woman who has been divorced for 1-1/2 years. - We did go to dinner at a sidewalk café and did have a very nice time. - We talk seriously about whatever this is or is not, could or will never be, it has to go very slowly and very carefully and that there will be no casualties and there will be nothing but complete honesty.
Here is the warning to all the MB Dee’s: Yes you must be keenly aware of your own rebound relationship vulnerabilities, but you also must understand and be careful with how much power the MB knowledge and your growth through Plan A and B (and for me Plan D) has brought you. You are an Iowa Class Battleship cruising right through the wooden ship Battle of Trafalgar. They simply can’t hurt you if you won’t let them but you could devastate them. Speaking for the men, what you have learned and now understand about the nature of relationships and emotional needs is extremely attractive to women. Believer mentioned that a few posts ago and it is true. Don’t use it wrongly and don’t hurt anyone.
No time wasted. It's good to sit with someone new and talk about things without all of that BAGGAGE, isn't it. It must be a bit freeing.
Recovery is not so. I think I have a perpetual knot in my stomach, to the point that digestion is hindered. STRESS abounds, for me, because I am constantly trying to watch what and HOW I say things. I think things will get better as we go along. I don't understand all of the tension I'm having, as I keep reminding myself that this is just PWC; we know each other. Truth is that things have changed, and I am unsure if I'm going to like the changes or be in divorce court in a years time.
I never thought I would prefer divorce over recovery, never in a million years, but I think about it sometimes. Not so that I can go out and find someone else, just to escape the pain, the frustration, my perceived humiliation (at being cheated on repetitively), pride, etc. and so on.
Anyway, sounds like you had a lovely time. I think it's wise to remind yourself and others that hurting others is quite easy to do, especially when you are armed with so much knowledge, and may be more apt to throw this one or that one back for a better mate. It's best to take things quite slowly, and to be honest about where you are.
Of course, you know all of this.
Now, I ponder often why it is so easy for a MB man to be so quickly taken, but why it seems it may be much harder for the MB women. One reason could be that many of the women have children. Depending on age, and maturity, that can be a real downer for men. Meh, I don't need to cross that bridge, but some women here may.
Well, must go now, as my stomach is doing some sort of growling that has nothing to do with hunger. Be AFRAID, Be very AFRAID... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
Wayzilla is going to have a MENTAL BREAKDOWN when she finds out from your DD (whenever she finally talks to her) that you are dating again. Sure, she wanted her freedom from you, but she didn't want you to move on. You were supposed to be there waiting for her if she ever changed her mind. Be prepared for some serious DRAMA in the next few months. WAYZILLA will not be able to keep it together.
Chris, I wish I had more confidence. Yes, I have the tools, but applying them to something new is always a challenge. Also, I'm not alone in recovery, so I must consider what and how PWC needs to work this out.
I think I am beginning to realize how difficult this really is going to be, so I am working up a way to deal with the stress. I really think a change is due in my lifestyle. I have been sedentary for quite some time now (over about 6 months), and I need to get it into gear. I need to get back to working on me again. I really am stressed. I think exercise will do me a world of good. I feel slight depression in the form of anxiety right now, so I need an outlet. I just let out a big sigh thinking about all of the mental, emotional and physical work.
I need to just get off of my [censored] and get er done.
Chris, I'm with you brother. I've never felt like such a piece of meat in all my life. They're [email]d@mn[/email] near jumping out of the bushes lately.
Now I've got 2 blondes moving in across the street. Looks like mother and daughter, one in her 40's the other 20's. Both looking back waving and smiling. Me standing at the BBQ pit in the drive way. Beer in one hand, tongs in the other, and jaw dropped in disbelief.
I don't know what I looked like from across the street, but they appeard to get a kick out of it.
I have another neighbor that had a single and cute friend visit last Fri. She tells the neighbor she thinks I'm Soooo cute and would go on a date if I asked her.
So I've done everything but lock myself in the house and I still can't escape it.
What's a Plan D BS to do? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
Infidelity diet + MB = meat on a stick <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
I guess this is the part where we enjoy life again.
Can't wait to meet your new GF. I won't embarass you. I promise. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
BC, the bathroom may alight in flames! AND, most people do really love the meat on a stick, even if it reduces them to canabalism...or being at a Renaissance Festival...Beau, with your smarts, and whit, and sheer rugged good looks, I fear for you. Run AWAY Run AWAY...
And, Chris, BC WILL embarrass you, but what are good friends for, huh?
Foxy, I may just take you up on that offer one day. I'm sort of back in limbo land, too though. I can't make any major decisions without including PWC. I was getting used to making these decisions on my own. Now, I have new people in my life, that I would like to actually MEET, face to face, but cannot do right now. It's all so crazy. My M comes first, as it must, and should. Trying to get back into the Married frame of mind is a task not to be taken lightly.
Oh, I'm with jim and M2L, WZ is gonna lose it when she hears that you are dating. She won't have anywhere to vent. Who's gonna want to sit through a conversation with her about YOU dating someone, and how that makes her feel? Most will look at her as if she's done gone and lost her mind, wondering what the point of leaving you was, if she was going to balk at your dating. Now, THAT would be an interesting conversation, except it might be hard to see each other through the fog generated from WZ's blathering.
If you have even seen the movie "Excalibur", there is a point in the movie where Arthur's sister, Morgana, me thinks, is chanting, something that Merlin, me thinks, taught her to do or told her to do or something like that, and fog is steadily eminating from her mouth. That is what 'fog babble' must look like...
My DD25 wanted me to tell you she saw your pic on the MB photo album and she thinks you're cute too (just like the neighbor's single friend)...plus you can cook-or at least grill. Add in that you are great dad, and you're a triple threat!
You might need to add bars to your windows and bolt lock your doors. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
And when I here waywords talking that is the scene that jumps instantly to mind. lol! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
If we all meet in MN then we'll have to see if Fox can trailer her horses there. I'll bring some of mine and we can go for an MB trail ride. (Or maybe form the MB Calvary <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />).
My DD25 wanted me to tell you she saw your pic on the MB photo album and she thinks you're cute too (just like the neighbor's single friend)...plus you can cook-or at least grill. Add in that you are great dad, and you're a triple threat!
You might need to add bars to your windows and bolt lock your doors. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> That's for DD25
Oh, and I CAN cook, but only Cajun food <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
Walking,
Somebody's gonna have to pull me and the keg in a wagon. I won't be in any shape to ride a horse. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />
WTF, an MB trail ride sounds GREAT to me! We'll tie BC on or pull him in an Indian travois. As long as he is close to the keg, doesn't sound like he'll mind. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
BC can't play the Gee-Tar and I haven't grown a beard since 01. But you know what, replace that Gee-Tar with a keg and I would run through the woods bare foot to get to it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Independence Day marked my 3rd full week of divorce. The house refinance for Wayzilla’s cash payout for her half of the equity should be complete in the next week. Outside of the investments being split most everything required by the agreement is complete.
It is kind of like parachuting out a burning plane. When you hit the ground the divorce is final but you still are tangled in the chute cords. Just a few more to cut through and I am out.
Wayzilla has not seen DD19 since the weekend after DD’s apartment at college was robbed a month ago. That uncomfortable reunion ended with Wayzilla spontaneously barfing in the parking lot at the apartment complex for no apparent reason. She had not complained about being ill to DD and apparently did not have any drinks the night before. Hmmmmm, wonder what’s bugging her?
I heard a rumor that Gollum returned to his wife in May and she withdrew her petition for their divorce. That timeline would fit well with Wayzilla’s physical and emotional downward spiral. But in truth, I am not going to waste any time to substantiate it. It either is or is not true and makes no difference one way or the other. Wayzilla always spewed the fog that the affair and the marriage had nothing to do with each other. She will die alone before she admits this was not true.
She called DD last Saturday and proudly told her she has colored her hair red. Now there is a first big step in her necessary and probable long and difficult personal recovery.
DD19 now has knicknamed her "Lucy".
I had a second date with the master sniper of the Frau DivorcenGruppen Grenadiers and again had a very nice time. I have met several really interesting and nice people over the past few weeks. On the 4th I went to a party with friends I have known in many cases for twenty or more years but have not seen at all during the 8-month filming of the award winning tragedy, “Wazyzilla’s Revenge”.
I was told over and over again how good I look, how much younger I look, and how happy I seem. I don’t know about the first two but the third is on the money.
Two days until we start filming the next movie, “Things to do in Denver When You’re With a Cajun”. This one will be a comedy.
Wayzilla always spewed the fog that the affair and the marriage had nothing to do with each other. She will die alone before she admits this was not true.
Yeah, that's one that my FWW still hasn't come to terms with in her mind yet. I don't know whether it is stubbornness, pride, or just an unwillingness to believe that should could be capable of such a horrible act.
Don't worry, I'll get it out of her eventually. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
Hey chrisner, it was great to meet you and your DD19. She is one very mature and beautiful young woman. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Yesterday was the seventh week of the divorce being final. I am doing very well. Again I will say that this site and forum have done wonders to speed my recovery and provide me understanding of the dynamics of my marriage and future relationships.
During that time I have: - Refinanced the house and paid Wayzilla off. - Dispersed all the remaining accounts and assets. - Partied with a Cajun across Colorado. - Road trip to LA via the Grand Canyon and Vegas with DD19. - MB party with Pep, Orangepearl, Married Forever and Mr. MF, Bellevue, SDguy, Faithful Follower, WasSadTiger and Mrs. WST, healingbird, and foundareason. Oh yeah, and Drew Carey. - Disneyland and Huntington Beach with DD19. - Coached a boy’s basketball tournament. - And still had time for a few really fun nights out with the Master Sniper of the Fräulein Schwimmen Divorcengruppen Kampfangriff Mannschaft (you may need a translator)
DD19 has moved back home and is preparing for her second year of college. Hopefully it will go easier than her first year without the subtle drama created by the total destruction of her family and her Mother’s infidelity. I am glad she is home for a while.
I have only seen Wayzilla once; the day after the divorce was final to split bank accounts. We have only had one phone conversation regarding the refinance and a couple of emails without the need to respond. She is now well and truly gone. The “Jimmy Hoffa Witness Protection Plan B from the Dark Side of Pluto” is now fully in place.
I have only seen her a handful of times since she left in January and it may sound funny but I am now having a little trouble visualizing her. The other night I was cleaning up the My Pictures section in my computer and saw several pictures of her over the past year, primarily from our 25th anniversary in May of 2006 through D-Day Thanksgiving 2006. Her decline is incredible. In my mind she was always a very beautiful woman but these pictures are like watching the portrait of Dorian Gray. In the last pictures you might as well paint her green, put her in a black dress, give her a broomstick and a skywriting job for a tattoo parlor.
She has only seen DD19 twice since the divorce was final. They have a Hiroshima of a relationship to rebuild.
I wonder sometimes that if I met her for the very first time today would I even look twice at her? If she started to talk would I like her? Would there be anything there at all? I don’t think there would be.
Oh well, life goes on.
Last night at basketball practice I talked to a mom of one of the boys who played for me at the tournament last weekend. She told me he had never come home from a tournament in any of the sports he played as pumped as he was this weekend. She told me he said I was the best and most favorite coach he has ever had. Wow! The things that make it all worth while.
I have to bet that you would not look twice at WZ. She is not the woman you fell for so many years ago, and not close to what you want now, as you are looking for a woman, not an older lady masquerading as a 'girl'. When I see women doing this, it just makes me sad, sorta feel sorry for them. Fear is a terrible thing.
Gotta admit that it'd be over and done with quick! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
Oh, good lord, you'll have to excuse my language, i have just come from happy hour ( or happy night) and take no responsiblity fri wgat ne ttoe ( for what I type ) hiccup---bubbles ...
For those who do not know the story, Idiot ex-BIL was having his own affair when he and Wayzilla “reconnected” about 4 months before D-Day. He was very supportive for Wayzilla to take her EA to the next level “for her happiness”.
At that time he was already divorced and living in his Mother’s basement at Infidel Hotel for free as virtually all his money goes out as maintenance and child support. You can’t put a price tag on happiness!
Back in April at the infamous “Meet the New Family” barbecue that DD19 attended with her best friend it was announced that BIL had gone legit. He had “dumped” (yep, right at the 2-year mark) his affair partner as she seemed somehow reluctant to leave her successful husband for a penniless moron living in his Mother’s basement. What was she thinking?
He had found a divorced woman (living in a real house!!) who has a DD12 described by both DD19 and her friend as of questionable morality and attire (read as total slut). This advanced developed 12 year old girl shows up to a cold April barbecue wearing a micro-mini skirt and midriff top. DD19 said she wore less makeup than this kid when she went to prom.
DD got the joyous news last weekend that I-BIL is getting married in September! I bet his 3-boys (D8, D15, D17) are thrilled! Guess who the Maid of Honor (BWAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAAAA MAID OF HONOR!!!) is going to be? WAY-Z!!
My boss said, “Wow a man of limited moral character and a sluttish 12 year old girl! Whatever could go wrong?”
"maid of honor" - I'm just going to zip my lip. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
I went to his first wedding 18-19 years ago. It was a Hawaiian theme (sorry Orchid!). I only survived the embarrassment due to the surreal camp of it all. I won't be running to the mail box looking for my invitation this time!
Maybe they could do a Rocky Horror Picture Show theme for this one.
I was starting to think you went to the hunting camp and got too close to the gators!
What's happening Cajun? I ate all my red beans so I have to put an order in with Blue Runner. My next door neighbor (the little school teacher) wants a couple cans too. It goes great with keilbasa!
You need to come back so we can do a "Wedding Crashers" on Idiot Moron Slimeball Squeege ex-BILs big day.
DD19 and I have been invited to a party at the Frau DivorcenGruppenFurher’s home in Fort Collins tonight with all the Frau DivorcenGrenadiers. The pool closes in a couple weeks so this is their end of year get together. They have all told me that DD is the best and their favorite lifeguard they have had at the pool going back 10 years. It’s good to hear those things. Many of these women have been very supportive of DD over the summer and have given her great advice regarding her MIA mother. I owe them all for how much they have done for DD these past months. They have been both mothers and sisters to her.
I will be attending the event with the dangerous blonde Master Sniper. It should be a very good time.
Master Sniper, her DS16, his girlfriend, DD19, her “boyfriend Du joir” and I are going down to the State Fair next weekend. That’s always a fun day. Lots of hot sun, beer gardens and brats. So good and so good for you.
Fall leagues for high school basketball are organizing so I will be coaching double headers on Saturdays soon at the Freshman or JV level. We are looking at attending an out of state coach’s clinic or two, either Pepperdine or Northern State (I really get a kick out of Don Meyers) or both.
In early October I will be in Nashville for a few days to instruct in a training course for our Sales Coordinators. I need to start getting organized for that soon! I want to tie over for a day so I can slip down to the Shiloh battlefield once again.
Throw on installing a new wildflower landscape garden in the back yard and remodeling the master bathroom and my fun cup is about full.
Sounds good, mis amigo! Happy to hear you doing so well.
I guess I'm still anxious and tense, otherwise I'd be able to come up wtih a joke about Nashville and Elvis impersonators and the 30th anniversary of his death (yesterday?). I'll have to owe you one.
The Karma Bus is making it’s first stop at Wayzillas.
I was sitting with a group of our company’s mechanics a couple days ago when one of them started talking about a major highway and redevelopment project going on that will ultimately bulldoze his friend’s house he is currently staying at. The neighbors have been fighting the city for 2-years but the final vote was last week and the project approved. Then he started talking about the dumb [censored] woman who bought one of the houses on the street and just moved in last week. Half the houses in the area are discounted for sale and there are no buyers. I said, “That’s funny, I think that is near where my darling ex-wife Wayzilla has moved.” I did a little research and guess what? Wayzilla is the dumb [censored] woman.
I googled the city and the project and it was clear her house is in the redevelopment bulldozer scrape zone. The scope of the project was huge and the details in the report made it very clear that Wayzilla’s new home is in the way of progress.
I told DD19 about it and we both sat stunned wondering what she was doing. Today DD called Wayzilla and asked her why she bought a house in the expansion corridor. Wayzilla had no idea what she was talking about and that she was pretty sure DD had the wrong info. DD told her she better check the city’s webpage.
She is going to be barfing in the parking lots again soon.
Karma is something I think we do indeed need to believe in, despite how things appear.
I'm not 100% sure, but my ex may be pregnant, which puts her "dream" relationship with the man she's with now in a totally new light. It's changed my attitude towards him completely. I honestly feel bad for him and hope they can make this work. I could be wrong and could be completely reading the signs wrong. I'll feel stupid if that is indeed the case, but the development puts everything into a new light.
I was thinking that perhaps this man has something that does make her happier than she was with me and couldn't figure it out. I understand why he's around now, if I'm not wrong.
Funny how things turn out.
There are some positive developments for me with a new home, nice used hybrid, a parenting coordinator that will elimnate legal bills (mostly), and things look good as far as women go. There's a promising match I'll meet soon.
I'm getting back on my feet while she appears to be continuing the path of chaos and drama, but it doesn't really involve me anymore. I just feel bad that my kids are going to be so deeply affected by all of this.
I don't want to threadjack as much as philosophize with you about Karma.
So things aren't all dreamy in Wayzilla Ville?
How are things with the new lady? What does DD think of the new lady?
That's not karma, that's stupidity. It sucks for Wayzilla not to have chrisner around to help her out with these kinds of decisions. Oh well, her choice.
p.s. I might be joining you in the D-line soon. Scheduling conference between lawyers and judge is this Thursday. We'll see if 7th time is the charm. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
Yo Chris and SD - just wanted to drop in and say "hi!". I enjoyed meeting you at the fruits & nuts. I am very glad I made it to that event. I have not been around much since then. i can not find that thread...
Wow, I take a look this morning and Brokendreams has hoisted up my boat anchor thread. It must have been down 5-6 pages by now.
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That's not karma, that's stupidity.
No kidding Jim. If the city plan follows the maps and details as approved Wayzilla has a huge problem. She can't sell, can't improve the home, can't get her money and may have to wait a couple years before developers come along and buy her out for whatever they feel is a right price.
Even if her house survives she will be surrounded by a truly massive construction effort for several years. And she HATES stuff like that.
Well she told me how it would be so much easier to be alone and independent. She wanted to “Find out who she is and where she is.” She’s a dummy living in a little 50+ year old house with a bulldozer target on the side.
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I'd say that scores about an 8 on the karmometer.
The aftershocks may be bigger SD!
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p.s. I might be joining you in the D-line soon. Scheduling conference between lawyers and judge is this Thursday. We'll see if 7th time is the charm.
Good luck Cowgirl. Unfortunately, there is always room here at the D-Line. You, SD, Sis, Bugs have all come a long way these past few weeks in your personal recovery. You all will do fine no mater what happens.
My boss went through all this 12-years ago. His wife had 2 affairs and took everything but their 2-boys. He told me about a poor day he was having driving around with his realtor looking for a house he could barley afford for him and the boys. His realtor was a little old man nearing retirement and he turned to my boss and told him, “Son, the best revenge is to live life full and well.”
Great words! Just what I plan to do!
Foundareason! I was just thinking about the Fruits and Nuts and Drew Carey party yesterday. What a great time that was! I wonder what has happened to Orangepearl?
The D has been final for 3-months on Thursday. Time sure flies! I have had no contact of any kind with Wayzilla for 2-1/2 months. That’s the way it will stay. The Jimmy Hoffa Plan B from the Far Side of Pluto! It works great.
DD is doing great at school and her new job. She has turned a few corners in her recovery from all this crap. The Divorcengruppen Sniper took her makeup shopping a couple weeks ago and they had a wonderful time.
I coach two High School JV level boys games this Saturday and have a couple practices this week. Busy Times.
And yes, life is good.
PS – Bitbucket, if you are out there….I bought a white M1871 colonial pith helmet with the 24th Welsh Regiment insignia plate. It sits in the living room on my Grandmother’s buffet and the first thing every guy friend of DD19’s that comes into the house does is plop it on their head. One kid puts it on his head, watches a couple movies and takes it off when he leaves. What a hoot!
DD just shakes her head and says, "This is such a guy place now."
Sounds like all is well in your kingdom! I think a lot of people could take a cue from you in how you are handling WZ with the Hoffa Plan B.
It's great to hear the DD19 is doing some of her own personal recovery. Hope the school year is good for her. I know I was so busy while I was in college, I was so happy to graduate!
I think it would be great to have a DC get together with any MB members that live around here. I was thinking a DC United game or AF vs Navy or something fun like that.
Just a thought. For all I know, you really do live on the far side of pluto. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Funny how I heard the same stuff about "Finding myself".
One year later and it looks like finding herself meant shacking up with another guy and adding more kids.
I'm so glad to hear your DD is doing well. I worry about my kids and how this mess will affect them in the future. You show by example that being there is more important than anything. I can't comprehend how your ex doesn't feel anything over the idea of her daughter having nice moments like that with another woman. That's quality mother/daughter stuff they should do together.
I can understand your DD, though. My parents divorced when I was 27 and my relationship with my father was strained for a long time afterwards. It will get better and I'm sure they'll eventually reconcile their relationship in some way.
All we can do is be there for them when they need us.
I miss your posts and sarcasm. It would be great to hear more from you, even if it's standard "I had a glass of water today" stuff. I'm sure you'd find a way of making that funny.
DD19 had to face a bit of adultery fallout reality this past week.
DD agreed to go over to Wayzilla’s new house (DD calls it “The Trailer”) last Thursday for dinner. They have not seen each other in nearly 5-weeks. However, Wayzilla’s fridge just broke down so they had to eat out anyway. To quote Nelson from the Simpsons, “Haaa-Haaaa!
More Karma? DD said a next door neighbor had backed a rented front end loader over a section of Wayzilla’s back yard chain link fence this week too. Maybe the place is a bulldozer magnet. Wayzilla told DD that after an exhaustive search she could find no information about the redevelopment plan and whoever told her about it was wrong. I guess exhaustive searches don’t include going to your city web page and reading the approved 32 page plan on the home entry page that includes a map of your house in the scrape zone. Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.
When DD got home that night I knew there was something out of sorts but other than saying The Trailer smells like cigarettes, old people, locker room feet and wet dog she said little of the evening.
However, this past weekend she told the Divorcengruppen Sniper that when she walked in the house, she saw prominently displayed a picture of Gollum and a studio portrait of Gollum’s S2. She was afraid of hurting me with this information but I think she was hurt enough herself to see the OM’s S’s picture that she needed to talk to someone. I guess it does not matter too much what age you are, seeing the “new happy infidelity family” must be a blow.
I talked to her a little about it last night and she admitted it hurt a little to see OM’s son displayed as family but she added, “He is just a little boy and none of this is his fault.” Her real anger was at her mother for lying directly to her on every occasion it came up during the divorce separation that she and Gollum were done. DD always knew it was a lie but having it proven was one more blow to their now very tenuous relationship.
EXIdiot BIL’s wedding (only 5-months after breaking up with his 2-year married affair partner and 18 months since his divorce) is in 2-weeks. I suppose there is a very good chance Gollum will be there too. DD says if he is there she will leave and will not be introduced to him. I guess it could be High Noon at the wedding chapel.
Thankfully I will be across the city coaching two basketball games.
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Chris,
Where are you from?
Hi BD, I live in a Northwest suburb of Denver. Originally from Minnesota.
I'm so sorry that DD19 has all of this to deal with. College is challenging enough, not to mention late teens early twenties, without having family issues on top of it all. I remember when my mom was dianosed with breast cancer and went through surgery and chemo; I almost dropped out of school! I wouldn't go back if you paid me!
I'm so glad that you talked to her about this. You are solidifying one great relationship with her by being open to discussing such painful things.
I feel bad for Gollum's little boy. He's thrust in the midst of all of this NOW.
Sounds like 'Dozers have it out for WZ's place. I couldn't help but laugh at this. It is just too damned funny
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front end loader over a section of Wayzilla’s back yard chain link fence this week too. Maybe the place is a bulldozer magnet.
I am glad that you are safely tucked away in your "Hoffa Plan B".
I miss your posts and sarcasm. It would be great to hear more from you, even if it's standard "I had a glass of water today" stuff. I'm sure you'd find a way of making that funny. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Hi SL! Thanks for stopping by. I wish I had some words of great wisdom to offer you on your thread but it looks like some of the heavy hitters are offering some great thoughts for you.
In truth, in spite of this expected setback, DD19 is doing real well. School and her job are going great and she is coaching basketball a couple nights a week as well.
In so many ways life is becoming more normal again less one person. We cook dinners and eat at the table, laugh hysterically at movies, fire up the back yard grill without fear of front end loaders, talk about books and how our days went and of course her favorite subject; guys.
Last night while we were talking she said, "Sometimes the family has to get rid of the cancer to survive and be happy again." Wow! I was not sure how to respond to that.
Hi Ace!
I added this as an edit after seeing your post. I do my best to check in but after this past year I am finally able to contribute at work at a near full capacity. That feels great! I wonder sometimes how we all kept our jobs the first few weeks/months after D-Day. My boss has been great.
You have been a busy girl around here lately Ace! Keep up the good work.
I'd have to say that I agree with your DD, Chrisner! Very bright, that one. It is like an insidious cancer, the wayward spouse, and I do agree that 'treatment' is necessary. I would say that WZ is currently being treated, with a HUGE dose of reality.
When you invest in [censored], you get poo, even if it means that your home is that pile o' poo.
Hopefully, she will go in remission one day.
Wow, what a cool girl your DD is; when I grow up, I wanna be just like her...
I can relate to your DD's feelings. I went to my father's house after he married the mistress and my sis and I went around and put all her pics down.
I also had a reaction to going to my mom's house and seeing our pics mixed in with her new husband's kid's pics. It upset me as well. It's a natural adjustment period for her and she might even react to you having a pic at your place of someone else's kid if you meet someone who has any.
It's a tough thing to experience as a kid, no matter your age. But it does get better and she and her mom will eventually get along again. It might take years, but it will happen.
It is sad that she doesn't have pics of her own daughter up and as prominent.
I have friends who live in Denver and I was there a year ago for my class reunion at the Academy. Wouldn't mind meeting you if I'm ever in the neighborhood there again to watch AF football or for a reunion. It might be another 9 years, but hey, you can always plan ahead. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
I'm going to the AF-Navy game with a new lady friend I met out here in DC. She's a great gal and there is some great potential.
I have never been to an Air Force game. I love their stadium. I really need to do that some day. I coached a few basketball games at the Academy High School in July. I love that whole campus. It is very beautiful there. Gollum lives in Colorado Springs but I try not to hold that against the entire city.
DD was feeling a little vulnerable this weekend after being at her Moms. I can always tell because she will put in movies from her childhood like Little Mermaid or Beauty and the Beast and curl up under a blanket. You can just see that she wants to be transported back to that simpler, safe time for just a while.
She needed a little Mommy time and DivorcenGruppen Sniper was really great with her. The two of them went through DD’s yearbooks and photo albums for a couple hours. Her Mother never really did that with her. I left them alone and did some badly needed yard and house work. DD cried a little and DGS rubbed her back, listened and gave some real solid mother-like advice. Later I came across DGS alone upstairs wiping away tears. She told me until now she had given Wayzilla the benefit of the doubt but now she just wanted to “B!tch-slap” her for how she was treating her own daughter.
That night DGS and I got a little dressed up (always fun) and went into Boulder for a little street shopping, nice dinner and some live jazz. Great time!
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I can't comprehend how your ex doesn't feel anything over the idea of her daughter having nice moments like that with another woman.
Wayzilla has no knowledge of DGS. I told DD that DGS is not a secret but she is really none of XWW’s business. I told her if she was asked a direct question then answer it honestly but if it does not come up let it be.
When I got home last night after basketball practice I picked up my mail and found that I have been sent my very own introductory copy of Working Mothers magazine. DD saw it and had a great laugh. She said no one deserved that magazine more than me. Of course a Vicky’s Secret came the day before and DD scurried off with it. I guess I don’t deserve that one.
SL- Thanks for the kind words about DD. She is very special.
It just kills me to hear about your DD's pain. I know that you have your own, but this is a girl and her mother. Abandonment in it's most cruel form. I miss my mom so much, and know what it's like to have that person ripped from you.
She called her mother a cancer. How horrible it must be to view your mother as a disease. It's just heart wrenching. I hate what this does to the kids. I know your DD is a teen, nearly twenty year old, but she won't stop needing her mother for some time; believe me, I'm 35, and I could use her advice and shoulder OFTEN.
It's good that she has a friendly woman in her life to lean on right now. It's not MOM, but it's an older woman who know's something of life and a girls pain. It's really something that DGS is so open to her; that says a lot about her.
Yes, it's a tough time, even when you're all grown up. I wasn't much older than her when my parents split and I remember a very happy childhood. It's really tough and you do want to be transported back. I still have some moments of "why the he!! did he do this to our family". Happened at their wedding when his new wife got hammered around some of our old family friends.
Your DD will go through that and will likely develop a good relationship with whatever woman you end up with eventually. I get along well with both of my parent's new spouses, though my dad is about to go through his 3rd divorce.
I think kids naturally gravitate to the more stable parent and the one that they feel safest with. From the looks of it, that will always be you and you should be proud that you've given your daughter a great role model to seek in a future mate.
Falcon stadium is great and I recommend you go and watch one of the games where we play a rival such as Army or Navy. Show up early and watch as the cadets march on the field and you can enjoy the fly bys as well. The games with Army and Navy also feature a prisoner exchange, where exchange students cross to their respective sides during the game. It's all in good fun and the games are great.
I do miss the campus. I recommend taking the tour one day and heading to Garden of the Gods with DD or have a Chuck Wagon Dinner with a cowboy show in the local area. Those were fun things as well.
Boulder, huh? We use to call it the People's Democratic Republic of Boulder due to the reception we'd get up there on trips. It sure is beautiful there, though.
Glad to hear things are going well with DGS. Good luck with that.
I read your recent post about DD meeting Gollum. Did that happen?
My father put me in the same boat, sort of. He wanted me to meet his mistress, which was his new wife. He asked me if I would ever change how I felt. I told him absolutely not. I told him I would never go to his home while she was there. I didn't. They divorced when he cheated on her. The only time I've ever supported infidelity. I rooted him on as he gave her a taste of her own medicine.
I kicked his butt afterwards and gave him a good tongue lashing over his need to cheat.
Your DD should stand her ground and not feel forced into meeting a man she obviously hates. Your ex is hoping and praying it goes well and DD accepts him.
I can tell you that I had a very hard time doing so even with my mother's new, very nice guy, husband. He was a good guy and I had a hard time adjusting to his presence.
I had different feelings and images for the woman my father was with.
I went to my father's home with my then wife and newborn daughter. I came over to borrow his car while I was in town to go to a wedding.
I was outside talking to my dad and his neighbor when she came out of the house, probably hoping for a nice and friendly greeting.
I immediately got in the car and peeled off, simply dropping the conversation I was engaged in.
I never, never, never accepted her. She tried to talk to me when I was deployed for the war by telling me about a family member of hers also in the AOR. I remained in total silence. "Is my dad there" was the extent of our conversations.
Gollum is a passing fad. Your DD is 19 and doesn't have to interact with or deal with him. Your DD is bottling up a lot and it will likely explode one day on your ex or even on Gollum himself. I can only imagine the coldness he will end up feeling if she does bring herself to seeing this man.
It's amazing to me that your ex is so stupid on this issue and honestly believes this is a good thing. Simply amazing that waywards are so stupid.
No, DD has not yet met Gollum. She reluctantly had dinner last Friday with XWW. I felt bad for her. She just kept standing on the porch before she left saying, “I don’t want to go.” I told her she could do whatever she wanted but in time she screwed up her courage and went.
During dinner XWW told DD it was finally time for her to meet Gollum. She told DD that the relationship with “her friend” is becoming serious. She referred to Gollum for the first time using his real name and not calling him, “her friend.”
As silly as it is, XWW has continued to try to elude to DD that there was never a real “affair, affair” thing and that the two now conveniently divorced friends free of their hideous marriages are only now discovering they may have deeper feelings for each other. (:{O}[color:"green"]<<<<<<<<<[/color] Sigmund Freud Puking Linda Blair Pea Soup Emoticon
And she does all this fully knowing DD knows everything about the EA and PA last fall and winter. DD has repeatedly told her she knows everything. XWW seems to believe that if she keeps painting over her ugly story with pretty colors it will become true.
I went to a restaurant (well maybe not a real restaurant but they did serve wings in the bar) that evening to watch the Rockies game. DD met me there after her dinner with her mother and was pretty mad. She did not say a word to her mother about the plan to meet Gollum but told me that until the relationship with Gollum is over she wants nothing to do with her mom.
I asked her what happens if XWW and Gollum are together for a long time? What if they get married? She replied, “Whatever.”
I told her she needs to share these feelings with her mom although it is not likely to have much apparent impact. She changed the subject to the Rockies game and we have not spoken of it since. In reality we rarely ever talk about XWW. I have not seen Wayzilla since mid-June and have had no communication with her at all since mid-July when the last of the divorce details were done.
Oh, DD did say that Wayzilla told her that she, “Only wants your dad (me) to be happy.” I guess she did all of this just for me. How considerate.
Otherwise all is well. I had a great business trip last week to Nashville and this weekend I am off to Pepperdine University to sit in on this weekend’s men’s basketball practices.
My high school JV team is doing very well in their fall league and we are getting in a couple practices a week. Work has been very busy. Life goes on. High school tryouts are next month and then things get real busy.
Heydee Hi Cowgirl! It is true I have used Gollum's name in the same sentences as woochippers in front of DD19 (DD20 in 2-months!) but I really try to be good.
How is the Montana Fall coming? Denver and the mountains have been beautiful. I got snowed on pretty heavily two weekends ago coming back from Breckenridge. The aspen were right at the end of their color but it was still great.
Glad to hear DD19 has not yet had to face that particular situation yet. She's so lucky to have you...and you her.
Montana fall is crappy today. Cool, windy, rainy. Blech. A lady at work (who knows the situation) asked me how my day was and I just about burst into tears. Big lump in the throat, tears ready to spill. Cripes....I thought I was past this. She is so sweet and talked for a little while, then brought me Starbucks chai tea after lunch.
It doesn't really help finding out that Bab's in-laws ran into her at the store last night. WH was with her. She turned her back and completely ignored them....and the in-laws had her son with them. Must be ashamed of something, I guess. Her parents passed away when she was fairly young and her in-laws became her surrogate parents.
That doesn't worry me much...it's bound to happen. I hope they are ashamed every time they run into someone who knows the situation.
My worry is....that someday it will be me, walking into a store, seeing them together- quite possibly my DDs will be with them. Sickening, absolutely sickening.
Bab's BH was supposed to meet his parents there to pick up his son. He saw her Jeep in the parking lot, called his dad on the cell phone and said he'd meet them at their house.
Thankfully, he noticed the Jeep and didn't go in. Hearing about it is hard enough...seeing it for yourself is another.
Anyhoo....for the most part fall has been beautiful. Leaves have changed and are falling pretty heavily. There's snow in the high mountains but none down low yet. Halloween seems to be the day we get our first good snow.
I was just thinking yesterday on my drive to work how incredibly beautiful it is right now, how calming it is to sit and watch the leaves fall. I think it's time for a horseback ride. It's been awhile.
A lady at work (who knows the situation) asked me how my day was and I just about burst into tears. Big lump in the throat, tears ready to spill. Cripes....I thought I was past this.
I am so sorry. It's funny how it sneaks up sometimes. I was pretty reflective on my trip to Nashville last week. It was my first business trip (every first seems to revisit memories) since D-Day and it struck me that I had no need to call Wayzilla about the flight and the trip and the room etc...
{{{Cowgirl}}}
I have heard it said at the MB web forum that AFFAIRS SUCK !
Thanks for your support, SL and chris. I'm much better today. I worked on reclaiming the master bedroom last night....I had moved into the basement bedroom in fall of last year. DDs are switching rooms too, so the house is pretty torn apart.
I'm ready to take it back now. Different bed, different pictures, different setup altogether. Now it is MINE. It is not the cave that the basement room was.
I'm sure the email of memories to him was a partial trigger, the day itself being it's own. It felt like some of the closure I've needed, though. I dreamt about it last night and got the response I think I needed. If I never get it in real life, that's okay.
A woman I work with had her D-Day Monday morning. I have known her and her husband for over 10 years when we worked together at another company. She got the “I never loved you” speech just prior to finding out he cleaned out the bank accounts. The OW is a skank he picked up while working a job for a towing company. It sounds like she rewarded him for his services right on the spot. What a nice girl! That or a Skanky Ho Bag Slut!
I know her in-laws as well and have always thought the world of them but they turned out just like the rest; “Sorry to hear this DDIL, but you know it takes two to destroy a marriage. Ta-ta and good luck.” They were married for 12-years.
I told her about MB and gave her some reading material. She says she has no intention of saving the marriage and would never let him touch her again. I told her MB will be able to help her a lot with her personal recovery as well. All her children are from a prior marriage and are fully grown so a least that will be no issue. She says she has no need or desire to ever see him again. She is very tough but you can see she is hurting pretty bad.
I told her she needed to get to a clinic for testing. She said it was the first thing she thought off. There is a significant overlap in SF with both women. What a POS he is.
Affairs suck.
Her WH works at the same company Gollum worked for when he got caught at his second affair. He had to leave that company due to the affair and came to the company where Wayzilla and I worked. This crap is sick.
Basketball tryouts are next week and then it will be 5-6 days a week until March. The girls coaching staff at the high school had a shake up and right now DD19 is going to be the JV coach. I know there a at least a couple double-headers for the boys and girls teams so I assume I will get to see Wayzilla and XMIL smiling in the stands.
~(:o <<<<<<<< Alfalfa Puking Emoticon
I am getting pretty used to not seeing her, hearing her, or in any way being overly reminded of her existence.
DD19.87 had a Halloween party at the house last Friday night and it was a lot of fun seeing all the kids and having a full noisy house. It reminded me of the party we had when BC was in town in July. That was a fun night that everyone still talks about.
DD has not spoken to her mom since that Friday night three weeks ago when WayZ suggested it was time to meet Gollum. Wayzilla and Gollum. A beautiful couple with a mere combined 4 or 5 affairs between them. What could possibly go wrong?
A beautiful couple with a mere combined 4 or 5 affairs between them. What could possibly go wrong?
Wayzilla better enjoy this next year with Gollum because their first year post exposure is almost in the books. I wonder how she is hold up when Gollum is through with her and she gets removed from her home because of the construction. I smell a perfect storm brewing.
I will do that Faithful! Thank you. That get together at Big Boy was really fun. I wonder what ever happened to OrangePearl and how Foundareason got through the fires.
My background on my work laptop is a pic of Drew and DD together at the party with Pep behind them. What a hoot.
I am very proud of her. She has experienced a lot of loss this last year with my Mother's passing and her Mother's affair and what has amounted to essentially abandonment. This one is going to take a while.
But she is back on top of her grades, she is doing real well at work, and now is a paid high school assistant basketball coach too.
Wish she would pick up after herself more but I can live with that!
My JV level boys fall league team played their last games last night. Game 1 was against a school whose program is ranked in the top 5 every year. We show up with 8 small, relatively inexperienced players including 3 freshmen. The physical match-ups between the two teams were laughable. A real David and Goliath pairing.
And…..we dominate the game for 38 of the forty minutes. With a 10-point lead with 2-minutes to go I asked the boys to slow down, run the clock and shoot nothing but wide open layups. Goliath has to resort to fouling (and we were in the double bonus) to stop the clock and get possessions. Everything worked perfectly as we were sent to the line 10-times in the last two minutes to ice the game. But……but….they miss every free throw attempt. Arg!!!!! Yep suddenly every NBA range three-pointer Goliath launched fell through. Their final three went through with one second left tying the game…..and….and….we fouled him. It was their one free throw attempt in the last 2-minutes and it swished. Goliath 59 David 58. Life’s lessons when you have Irwin Cory as your coach explaining how the moon is hung.
DD19.879 sat in the stands trying not to laugh.
We won the second game by around 30 and finished the league 4-4. The JV coach of last years State Championship team told me he was amazed at how hard our kids played through this league.
I pity the future archeologists that have to grid off and uncover her room with spoons and toothbrushes. Of course they will find a lot of spoons and toothbrushes there too. And dishes, forks, nail polish, scissors, (what do they do with all the scissors?) toe nail clippers, glasses, stuffed animals, socks, old yearbooks, candles etc.
Their conclusion will be that people of the early 21st Century really were savages who collected and worshiped shiny trinkets.
Wow, two days before our big Thanksgiving D-Day first anniversary Wayzilla tries to make contact.
Tomorrow is Wayzilla’s birthday and is the one year anniversary of my being convinced of the affair. Two days later on Thanksgiving I confronted her with what information I had. The Wednesday between those days last year was easily the worst and most surreal day of my entire life. I spent much of it scrambling around the house like a deranged animal snooping into every nook and cranny. It had to be pretty.
This is the first contact since a couple of emails from her in July that generally ran, “When is the refinance going to be done and how much money do I get?”
So what did it say?
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I have been leaving messages for DD for about a week and have not heard from her. I am now getting worried and wondered if she maybe lost her phone again.
Could you please let her know that I am concerned and would like to talk to her.
Thanks for your time.
Wayzilla
So I checked our Cingular account and guess what? I have no record of her leaving messages on DD’s phone. Maybe she is calling and getting no answer, but she is not leaving messages. What I did see was a single 5 minute call last Wednesday over the past 10 days. And that call was made by DD. There is a notable decrease in calls since the Friday night in October when they went out to dinner and Wayzilla suggested it was time for DD to meet Gollum.
So I sense from this email that she is again placing blame on DD or me or both of us for this lack of contact. Or, of course, the off the wall possibility that DD has lost her phone. But it certainly has nothing to do with her or her choices.
Now seriously, she did not have to contact me with this and if she really wanted to get a hold of DD she could step it up a little in determination. So why did she contact me?
I will give DD the email tonight. Wayzilla will not get a reply from me.
You can’t imagine how touched I am that you thank me for my time during our 26 year marriage. Right back at you darling.
Regarding DD’s phone, I can quite assure you she has not lost it. She calls me on it a couple times a day and for some reason I have no trouble getting a hold of her. Did you forget her number maybe?
I will be sure to pass along your message to DD as time permits in the next couple weeks.
Ta-ta and have an extra, extra special birthday (Couldn’t top last year though could it? Nudge, Nudge, Wink, Wink) and a great Thanksgiving. Sorry again that I was a little depressed at last years turkey fest. That was probably very hard for you.
Chrisner
Basketball is going great. Last night DD19.934 and I were both running practices in the high school gym and got to close it all down together. We both commented on how cool that was. Man, have we come a long way in these past few months.
Still a bit on the wayward side, isn't she? (I can do sarcasm, too!)
Glad to hear that you and DD19.934 are doing well. We miss your wit!
Any snow down your way yet? We got about 6 inches in the lower elevations yesterday and over a foot in the mountains. 'Tis the season, I guess. I just wish it would stay off the roads!
Take care, tell DD19.934 hi - this year is better, isn't it? Did you ever think in the midst of these events last year that you would be okay now?
The first holiday season apart is the hardest. Your WS has spent the last 20+ years with you and DD during the holidays. Your WS wasn't thinking about these things when she left you for OM. Now she is lonely on the holidays. Something is missing. I think this will be a hard time for her. I think this is a time when many WSs in plan B question their decisions for the first time. I know that I'm holding out hope for other members here that their WSs will be shook up enough by the holidays to agree to their BS's PBL conditions. Jayban is one case in particular.
Great that you and DD19.934 are doing so well. Sorry that Wayzilla is something that DD19.934 will have to deal with for, um, a long time.
So sad. Wayzilla is still very foggy, it sounds like. "Thanks for your time." She probably thinks she's being extremely considerate. It sounds like something the SCQ would say.
I am sure it felt good to compose that response to Wayzilla! A good dose of sarcasm speaks to my soul! Yet, we all know that Wayzilla wouldn't 'get' it in any way, shape or form.
Everyone is right, DD19.934 is amazing and as BC said, you have most certainly done good! And continue to do so!
Hey, be sure to share that gator recipe when you get it.
DD19.936 and I went to BW3 after practice last night. Wings (us) a Bud (me) and a Doc Pepper (her). There was lots of Bball talk and sketches of plays and drills on napkins. The place was packed and in all there were six high school girls there that I have coached over the years. One was one of the waitresses. They all came by the table to say hi and catch up a little. That was cool.
I gave DD the email from her Mom and she just sighed. She got a version of the same email and as a bonus she got a guilt dripping email from XMIL too.
To paraphrase the highlights of the over long XMIL email:
-You should be at her Mom’s birthday bash today and they are disappointed she is not going. Of course last year Wayzilla did not come home for her birthday as she was rutting with Gollum.
-You have a grudge and grudges are not good and you need to get over it.
-They all still have “some” feelings for her father because he was part of their life for so many years but he has made that difficult due to his decision to “cut us all out of his life.”
- She recalls all the good times they had with DD and her Mom and “at times with your Dad”. (That is an exact quote)
- “Change happens” and although some changes bring sadness (me) they can also bring “goodness and happiness” (yes, that is a quote too) and she needs to reconnect with her mother to see the happiness. Yep, that’s right.
DD was pissed. I told her again she needs to do whatever she wants to this holiday season. If she would prefer to be with friends than with either of us I understand and think she should. She said in no uncertain terms that she was with me so we could “get through this first year together.”
So Jim, looks like you are spot on with how infidels and their enablers handle the holidays. I am sure it will get thicker as Christmas approaches.
Anyhow, Happy Thanksgiving all you MBers fighting the good fight!
RRRRRRRRR, [email]d@mnit![/email] I would love to slap that old broad right across her face standing in for her [censored]!
What a piece of work; what shameful behavior, guilt tripping her grandchild. Who's the child here?
I know conflict avoidance is in DD19.936's nature, but I have a hard time stomaching her just taking this crap. I guess one shouldn't engage a bully. I'm just livid! I feel for you guys, I really do. This is just horrible.
Affairs just keep on giving...
We all know how well I've dealt with my anger lately, so just take this as a rant, not advice.
Hey SL, thanks for the thoughts. I hope you feel better soon.
In reality I have had little to no reaction at all to either email. Probably not true for DD.
It is interesting that a vocal Old Testament Bible thumper like my XMIL would refer to divorce by adultery as “changes happen.” I can quite imagine the response would be very different if I were the wayward spouse and initiated the divorce.
And furthermore she goes on to say that the changes that happen in divorce by adultery are often good and bring happiness, and indicates that this is precisely the case for Wayzilla.
The email literally eludes that DD is in the sad and angry cave that her father has built and she needs to come out to the “goodness and happiness” that her Mother’s adultery has delivered. Incredible.
In the email I can see that she is doing the same marital history revision that waywards do. Waywards do it to rationalize and justify their betrayal that they know is wrong. She is doing it to rationalize and justify her betrayal of her Church and life long vocalized beliefs. And she has done this for two of her children over the past year. I wonder what she prays for?
I'm with SL--that email is enormously triggering. WARNING: Rant ahead!
Dear Grandzilla,
I respect your opinions, and thank you for sharing them with me. My opinion is that the choices that my mother has made are morally reprehensible. I scarcely recognize the person that she has become because of those choices, and to be blunt I really don't like spending time with her now. She has made her choices, and I am entitled to mine. If either you or she have a problem with this, then you can place the blame squarely on the choices that she has made.
Love,
DD19.936
Or you could load one up with sarcasm, too. It would probably have just as much impact.
Pass along my best to DD. She's a great girl and deserves better.
I find myself wanting to type, "How could she?!?!" but then...
Oh, yeah.
This is MB, after all...the place where we can all recount stories of people (primarily waywards and their parents) who formerly held us in the highest regard...who now treat us like [censored], excusing and rationalizing all sorts of horrific behavior.
Forget the shovel (unless it is intended to be used for its intended purpose of mucking out the barn where those animals live). XMIL needs to be thumped by her own Bible.
Sigh. It wouldn't do any good, either. Unbelievable.
Poor DD. Truly...what an awful thing to have to deal with.
I hope the two of you enjoy the weekend and make some new traditions.
I have to hand it to my dad that he never tried to guilt trip me into visiting him or have me be upset that he was shacked up with the mistress (which ended when he cheated on her, the only time I ever supported infidelity).
I believe your DD should send the response that SD suggests. They probably believe you're the one that's making DD feel this way. I reacted the same way with my mom. I stuck by her side as she worked through the transition and the pain and there was no real improvement to the relationship with my dad until the mistress was gone.
It's tough as an adult child since you remember the good times and the family you grew up in. That never leaves you as a child, even as an adult. I still view my parent's situation as tragic, but accept that they have separate lives now and are happy. Your DD will probably hang on to this anger for a while, certainly as long as Gollum is in the equation. He will forever be a source of scorn for her and someone she will never accept.
I told my father that his mistress could start floating in air, performing miracles, and grow a halo around her head and I'd still never accept her or meet her. That was YEARS after the D.
I still feel that way. Your DD will feel that way forever as well.
Take care and happy holidays. You and your daughter have each other and that's really all a father needs. I have mine and I'm very happy to keep them as the focus of my life for years to come.
We had a really great Thanksgiving. It was a great dinner with a few friends including a couple of DD19.950 friends who spent Wednesday night and helped all over the place. We laughed for hours. A few months ago I never would have thought I would do anything for these holidays. It was really teriffic.
Saturday I had basketball scrimmages all morning and the boys looked pretty good. Well, at least not horrible and we have a looooong way to go. But I believed we were the best freshman team of the six teams at the scrimmage and my head coach got a call from two of the other coaches who were there and they said the same.
On Saturday afternoon I strung and put the tree up while DD was shopping. I was hoping we could put the ornaments on that evening together. I knew that when Wayzilla picked up the stuff she wanted from the house last March she left the Christmas ornament boxes alone so I thought she wanted to start fresh and left all our old stuff behind. Wrong.
When I opened the boxes there was nothing there but a pile of crap, a few of “my” ornaments and the dated ornaments we bought for the first few years of our marriage. Prominently displayed at the top of the box by itself, as if left as some twisted little time bomb, was the very first ornament we bought for our first Christmas, 1981.
Then I realized what she had done; she packed everything she was going to take when we took the tree down last New Years Day and stashed them. This was a full month before she left. Sneaky little wayward! I wonder if she ever cackled ala the WWW about how clever she is and how gullible I was.
So I completely filled a trash bag with the crap and when I was done had a grand total of 8 ornaments to put on the tree. Sunday I opened up the wallet (again) and went a couple places to start all over again fresh. We finished decorating it Sunday night and it looks nice. Fresh starts are good.
While DD was out Saturday she took a call from her Mom who was down in Mordor with Gollum. DD said WayZ sounded “All giddy like a middle school girl with a crush.”
Wayzilla told her, “We have to get together next week. I have had a really good week. I have something real important to tell you.”
DD had immediate thoughts on what this would be and is just sick. She has so far passed on any immediate time for them to get together. She says she does not want to know. This does sort of fit with the email from Grandzilla.
As the topic of these “We need to talk in person” things are usually about death, pregnancy, divorce and marriage, the giddy spayed and single Wayzilla has only one topic left on that list. Somehow I doubt she would use this meeting to announce that she is getting a puppy, so……….
Hey, chris, glad to hear you had a good Thanksgiving. Amazing what a year can do isn't it?
How low can Wayzilla go? Snagging all the Christmas ornaments. I'm sure she was disappointed she couldn't stick DD19.950 in a box to take.
She may have actually done you a favor - who needs the triggers?
And won't Wayzilla's tree be lovely with all the ornaments from Wayzilla's marriage hung on it? That'll be a dig towards Gollum that she probably didn't intend or recognize.
This year may just be news of marriage, next year could be news of divorce. Or it could be a new house - out of the way of bulldozers.
If it was not for the very real hurt all this causes DD, this whole thing would make a very tacky, critically lauded reality series that no one would admit to watching.
A Wayzilla/Gollum wedding spectacular?
Maybe we are wrong. For DD’s sake I hope we are. Maybe it’s just drama and pot stirring for the holidays. I guess we will know soon.
Certainly no matter what is going on, the prediction of waywards sniffing around for contact around the holidays is spot on. It’s like gum on your shoe that won’t scrape off.
I've often thought the same thing about a reality series. Or at the very least, I now realize that soap operas ARE reality TV, or they should have that little disclaimer that runs at the end of Law and Order..."not based on actual events (wink wink nudge nudge)."
And all this time I've been thinking those shows were so far-fetched...
We have reservations for her favorite place in town. The Briarwood Inn in Golden. Just a few blocks away from where they make that slightly tainted, watery, faintly yellow, flavorless beer.
I got a win in my first official high school game last night. 49-32. Well okay, the boys got a win. I personally did not take, make or miss a shot. I was told this was the first 3rd level win over the school we played in many years. All kinds of people I did not know came by after the game to congratulate me. That was nice.
We have a lot of work to do but it is coming together better and quicker than I originally thought.
One of the moms brought this platter of cookies for the team after the game. Her son was mortified. “Mom, that is sooooo recreation league. Please don’t do that again.”
At the post game talk I put out the cookies on a table. I am not kidding; they lasted less than 10 seconds. At least 3-dozon cookies grabbed, snarfed and swallowed in under 10 seconds. These boys have the metabolism of a hummingbird with a tapeworm.
I thanked her and told her to keep em coming and she better double up on the batch.
The JV and varsity did not fair as well unfortunately. The team we played is #1 ranked for 4A in Colorado and would still be top 8 if they were a 5A team. Two kids on their squad have already signed to D1 colleges. But there were good signs everywhere. I think this team will surprise a few people this year. It struck me at times how unbelievably cool this was to be on the bench helping with these kids.
DD19.958 was coaching across the city at the same time. Her JV team came up short but sounds like they did well and played hard too. DD was in a great mood when we met up later.
Wayzilla and Grandzilla were at her games. She said Wayzilla is sporting yet a new hair color. I asked how that went and she told me she never spoke to them.
Essshhhh, never spoke to them! I expect there will be some kind of unhappy reaction to that. I think DD is doing everything she can to put off the giddy “Important News” talk her mom wants to have. I suppose this has to come to a head sooner than later. How do we get our kids in the middle of this crap?
GO TEAM, and COACH!!! Good to hear that teenagers never change (who tells someone NOT to bring cookies--crazy kid!)
Well, if DD soon to be 20? does not want to have the talk, telling her mother this would be the best course of action. DD soon to be 20? doesn't HAVE To talk to her mother about her personal R's. She has choices here. I would hate for her to think she HAD to because WZ is her mom.
Who gives a flying fart what reaction WZ and GZ have to DD soon to be 20 not talking to them? Hopefully, DD soon to be 20 will come to this place on her own, and sooner than later. She has been thru enough, and has the power to stop any further pain, maybe with her own version of Plan B?
If only she could have a firm boundary with her mother over all of this; be completely honest, in a non-venomous way, and then let her mother alone to figure it out.
On the rare occasion we even mention her Mom, this is what I tell her. But I can really see how deep her anger is with her mother.
There is a 20 year old guy helping out as an assistant for her JV coaching gig. His mom had an affair and left to marry the OM when he was in the 5th grade. He has yet to re-establish a relationship with her. DD told him about WayZ's insistence that the divorce and the affair had nothing to do with each other. He laughed and said his mom said the exact same thing and still maintains that.
Do I understand anger, yes indeedy doody! Well, hopefully, DD soon to be 20 will at least find a way to draw this boundary. The mommy/daughter relationship they had is tarnished forever, that's for sure.
I never experienced the divorce of my parents (I was very young when they parted ways), and I never had any attachment to my father, so I can only presume how painful this is for her. The death of my mother is probably the closest thing I can get to it, and that has been gut wrenching at times.
All I know is that YOU rock! YOu did such a good job, making every opportunity for recovery; your DD soon to be 20 knows that, and trusts you, admires you that much more for it.
DD probably did not think I was "The Rock" this morning. She was still sleeping when I was leaving for work so I went in to get her lazy butt up so she would not be late for work.
Her response, "Dad, I told you last night I have the day off today."
My response, "Ummmm...yeah....sorry...I remember that now. Go back to sleep dog gone diggidy nabbit."
I think when WayZ delivers the news and it's what we think it is, DD will go into her own Plan B.
After that only time will tell. I know we all reinforce that affairs don't last but I have sure heard of a lot of people's stories off the board these past few months that reflect long term affair marriges. Yuch!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! You guys make me laugh! Thanks, I needed that today.
And this:
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I know we all reinforce that affairs don't last but I have sure heard of a lot of people's stories off the board these past few months that reflect long term affair marriges.
You just SHADDUP about that! I'm CONVINCED, remember? and Guy Smiley might be listening.
My dad announced to us that he was going to get married to the mistress.
The response from his adult kids was not pretty.
I wrote him a very long email explaining the consequences that he would face on my end if he took that step. He did it anyways, but I stuck to my guns.
I recommend your DD do the same. She needs to let WZ that you aren't the one making DD feel in any way.
DD is hurt and betrayed as bad as you are but in a different way. She will forever feel aftershocks from this. I have forgiven my dad, for example, but still lament what he did and wish he hadn't done it.
I stuck to my guns on dad's mistress. I never stayed in his house after he married this woman and there was no way I was going to go to stay in his house while married to her. My brother actually tried, but was very cold with the woman. Most I ever said to her was "Is my dad there?" when I would call.
But I got my anger off my chest in an email and DD may feel better for it if she does the same. WZ is clueless as a mom about what she did and how it's affected her daughter.
I really empathize with DD. That silence will eat her up inside.
My boys had their second game last night and we are still undefeated. A 33 point 3rd quarter and a 40-6 run during the second half gave the kids a solid 83-51 win. They are really buying into the new program. I have to coach the JV team at a tourney game tomorrow night. I have been getting to work by 7:00 each morning and I get home between 8:00 and 9:00 every night.
If you want a gig that helps get you past adultery and wayward stupidity try coaching high school. It is sort of a personal recovery "boot camp". No time to even think about POSOMs or HOs or Bulldozers of Stupidities or POWS or RTs or Baboons or Wayzillas. Nice!
DD19.969 is coaching tonight and I will try to get by the school as quick as I can after practice. There is a chance Wayzilla and Grandzilla will be there but that is no big deal. Tuesday was Wayzilla’s favored day to work down in Mordor Springs with Gollum anyway so my best guess is she won’t be there. As long as DD is no longer a player I expect she will grow bored of watching her coach anyway. She has higher priorities.
No word on the “Important News” yet. I am sure it will be a beautiful thing.
Snow is about melted in our neck of the woods, how 'bout yours?
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If you want a gig that helps get you past adultery and wayward stupidity try coaching high school. It is sort of a personal recovery "boot camp". No time to even think about POSOMs or HOs or Bulldozers of Stupidities or POWS or RTs or Baboons or Wayzillas. Nice!
Sssshhhh.....you'll have people lining up to take your job!
I started reading here almost exactly a year ago. I was still down for the count at this time last year. It was NOT pretty. I will have already been divorced for 6-months next week.
There are a few people I think of here and where they went and how they are doing. Sometimes they just disappear at the height of their crisis. Not much left of the Killer Bees from last Spring.
I only really read a few threads anymore and sometimes jump into ones that are similar to my own experience or for some reason strike a chord. Like BC, I am not here near as much as I used to. That's probably a good thing.
Well, I'm off to practice. My best to your DS and DD. You have been a very good Dad through this.
Well, good thing I don't think to much about POWS these days either...LOL...I have two of my own to couch every day...
I just LOVE being their motivation coach! I had to motive YS to stop talking back last night, this morning it's all "yes, ma'am!" That's what I like to hear! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
Funny how we tend to remove ourselves from MB for a time and then come back...it's amazing that I can remove myself like that now when once I clung to MB all day and night long...
The famous words of BC: Life DOES go on! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
I went to DD19.975’s game last night after practice. Her JV girl’s team she coaches was done (Shoot! A 4-point loss) and the varsity team she assists was about to start.
When I got to the gym I stood in the doorway and scanned the stands for Wayzilla in her normal seating spot. No WayZ or GrandZ. The game was a couple minutes from starting and I stood there in the doorway and talked to a few people.
First the Booster Club President, a 6’-6” big guy, comes over and with a crushing handshake congratulates me loudly on my boy’s team success. The AD secretary, a nice looking divorced woman came over and we laughed and talked for a minute. She is probably the most influential and powerful person at the school and I Plan A my butt off around her to stay on her good side. It’s not that hard to do. We always laugh and smile when we see each other.
Then a couple varsity boy players come by, yell, “Coach!” and want to do that knuckle touch greeting thing. One of my favorite kids from the JV walks by and loudly tells my how glad he is I am coaching their game tonight.
I walk past the student section and a bunch of boys call out, “Coach!” After a few more high fives and banter I take my seat. During the course of the game several people come over to visit and offer congratulations.
At the end I waited for DD to come out of the locker room. My next door neighbor does the books for DD’s games and came over to wait with me. She says, “Didn’t you see Wayzilla?”
Me: “She was here?”
Good Neighbor: “You stood about ten feet from her in the doorway for a few minutes.”
Me: “I take it she saw me?”
Good Neighbor: “Oh yeah, she definitely saw you.”
I never saw her. She was tucked away almost hiding in the opponent’s fans and parents by the door. She saw the whole show. She left at halftime and DD never took the time to speak to her while she was there.
She said after D-Day she wanted to, “Just be alone to find out who I am and where I am.” She found herself alone in the stands with nothing to do with anything that was happening there. Hiding. A total outsider in her daughter’s life. Gollum's lap dancer. That was her choice.
I am sitting here grinning from ear to ear for you right now.
You there, just living your life, being yourself, getting the positive recognition you so richly deserve, nothing contrived but oh so sweet after the events of the last year.
THEN,,,, bonus to know that Wayzilla was there to witness your true life. It has to feel good to know that it was all right there for her to see - so clear what she gave up when she walked away AND that you have made a real life for yourself.
YOU have a true relationship with DD and are admired throughout the community! While Wayzilla is huddled in the with 'visiting' team - because that is what she has chosen to be ,, an outside visitor.
WS's really need to be more careful what they wish for! They seldom are happy for long when they get it.
Merry Christmas my friend! YOU are an inspiration in true recovery!
I think it is ROCKIN' that the community folks love their coach so much. WZ is a DORFUS.
I have been thinking quite a bit about the Killer Bees. Faithfulwife CJ kinda fell off the map (did she announce she was leaving/?) She had a lot to offer the Bee's. There are others, that I cannot remember their call-names, that were in the midst of a lot of turmoil and then just dropped out. (Can y'all tell that my memory is not so good--good thing for PWC, eh.)
I miss CJ. She helped a lot of people around here. Where ever you are CJ, I hope you are well and happy!
I took a call from DD a few minutes ago. She finally talked to her Mom a little while driving from work to practice.
They chatted a little about the game and then Wayzilla asks, "Did your Dad come to the game last night?"
DD thought it was a trick. WayZ never asks about me. She told WayZ that I stood right in front of her for a few minutes just before the game started.
WayZ says, "Really? I never noticed him."
Yeah right.
She sends that email just before Thanksgiving and the very first sentence is a lie. Then she lies to her daughter about seeing me at the game. Does it ever end? That is so weird. She no longer has any reason to lie and deceive and yet she does.
Do ya think if the wayward can convince 'someone',,,,'anyone',, else that their LIES are the truth, then they feel like they are covered?
That they somehow belive the lie becomes reality when they spew them out and no one calls them on it?
As if by saying it out loud, then it becomes by some special magic something that REALLY happened?
You know it was just her way of finding out if (as she already knew) EVERYONE in the place witnessed how things really went down? She was hoping against hope that it wasn't OBVIOUS to everyone how GREAT you have made your life and how utterly sad & pathetic HER choices have made her life?
I have to say, Chris, it's almost painful to read about WZ, her slow descent; it's like a train crash in slow motion. The pain that is then strewn onto the tracks amidst the hapless victims is nauseating.
I was thinking this today; how PWC's choices have hurt him so. I may feel some semblence of pain from his lack of advances, or physical intimacy, but my integrity is intact. I almost feel like my soul is intact. Does any of this make sense. I"M NOT BROKEN! I often wonder how broken PWC is, and if he is avoiding picking himself up. He certainly is not ready to go that deep with me.
I'm lucky (or smart maybe) in that I KNOW what I want, and am unafraid to strive for it, even if that means I have to work hard for it; even if that means I won't always like certain aspects of the journey. Now, more than ever, I know what I want.
Whew! Sorry for the segue into nowhereland. It really just breaks my heart that your DD is still suffering. I want to reassure her that things will change; she will change. I think of my son and his former pain, and how much that tore at my core. I see how ELATED he is with his daddy. It's such a different boy than he was just a year ago. I wonder if DS still has questions about the last two years.
Oh, there I go again. I'm just feeling EMOTIVE tonight.
Do ya think if the wayward can convince 'someone',,,,'anyone',, else that their LIES are the truth, then they feel like they are covered?
Yes I do. She really believes that if she put feces on a palette and painted a still life of roses that no one would see a sh***y picture.
SL, Pomdbd3! Thanks for always checking in.
I was coaching the JV level at a tournament game last night and got home after 10. DD19.978 was already asleep. She called me this morning between classes and told me she went to dinner finally with Wayzilla last night.
DD waited the whole time for the shoe to drop about the giddy “important news”. Wayzilla did not tell her anything. Not a thing. Hmmmm.
DD stopped by bulldozer barn for a few minutes and noticed there were only a couple Christmas decorations up. She asked when WayZ was going to put out the rest of her extensive collection of Christmas regalia and a tree. Wayzilla told her she was not putting out anything else and she “just doesn’t feel very Christmassy this year.” Hmmmm.
So DD jumped right in. “Dad put the tree up right after Thanksgiving but of course there were no ornaments so we went ornament shopping and found some really cool ones and the tree looks really, really great in the new spot where Dad always wanted to put the tree and he got a real nice new wreath and tree skirt and this weekend he is going to decorate the front yard and garden…*exhale – deep breath*…and you should see some of the new art work and stuff he has put up because it’s so cool and it looks like we live in a military museum ha ha because its such a guy place now.”
WayZ: “Well that sounds nice, it sounds like he is happy.”
DD: (Get ready for the applause) “It’s not what he wanted Mom, he’s just moving on.”
Insert hockey announcer, “SCOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRE!!”
Ouch!
DD said she really looked shook up. Poor thing.
So she got everything she was after. Scored on another woman’s husband, his 3-year old son, a bulldozer cottage, her independence so she could “find herself”, half our money, all the Christmas decorations and she doesn’t feel Christmassy? Shouldn’t this be her best Christmas ever?
Oh, and pictures of Gollum and his S3 are in the front room and her bedroom while the pictures of DD19 are in the tiny basement that, “smell like old peoples feet.” Wayzilla never mentioned Gollum the whole evening. Hmmmmm.
I wonder if she ever wonders what Gollum does when he is on his own during the week in Mordor Springs. Surly she can trust him because she is special, right? He wouldn’t cheat on her like he did the mother of his child because she was not special, right? There can be no doubt about his fidelity to her, right? They are special. This is different. Right. Nagging Doubts are ugly hags.
I can't believe I'm saying this, but you just might become the plan B champ.
I can see WZ calling you up one day to "re-connect"
That would be an interesting day.
Is it Believer(?) who's Husband, after the D was final, and then the A ended, and now three years later trying to get back with her? I might have the wrong poster, but we know the story.
WZ? Sorry, that ship has sailed.
Unless, it can turn around and sail back. Your choice. And maybe it will. And maybe the only reason you would even ever contemplate it would be because, at that point, you would KNOW that she doesn't suck.
And THAT, is quite the leap.
Isn't LOTR a trilogy? And one leg of this triology has stepped away. Kind of hard for them to balance NOW.
Sad.
Enjoy your coaching. I always had fun doing that. Kind of fun to sit back and watch, now that DS15 is playing football, however.
Eight days to 21 for DD, Huh? She really does sound terrific.
I can't believe I'm saying this, but you just might become the plan B champ.
Yes it is true, my marriage building skills are on par with an Ed Wood movie getting an Academy Award.
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WZ? Sorry, that ship has sailed.
It has sailed into shark infested waters, is taking on water and has a U-Boat pack shadowing it.
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Isn't LOTR a trilogy? And one leg of this triology has stepped away. Kind of hard for them to balance NOW.
This is sad. It was not that long ago when the three of us had so much fun together and would laugh at the dining room table until tears were streaming and you couldn't breathe. Then I get the "unhappy for years and years" line.
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And THAT, is quite the leap.
The Grand Canyon on a ten speed.
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Kind of fun to sit back and watch, now that DS15 is playing football, however.
Enjoy and cherish every second LG! It goes by so fast.
Thanks for the kind words for DD. She has held her ground through this storm like a British infantry square at Waterloo. She will become DD20 officially on the 15th.
No, Dennis Miller would have made a specific reference to the irresistible force of Milhaud’s Cavalry Corps of Cuirassiers crashing into the fixed bayonets of the immovable object 73rd Black Watch Highlanders formed square.
We had a decent practice last night. DD19.980 came by in the last half hour to watch. The boys love her. She helped me close down the gym and I took her out for a soda afterwards. Well yeah, I had a beer.
I have been seeing something very different in her just these last few days. It’s in her speech and the way she carries herself and how she makes eye contact when we talk. She is truly becoming an adult.
We laughed and talked about basketball and her school. Everything was loose and easy and comfortable. Looking at her across the table I realized I was having the first complete adult conversation we have ever had.
Then out of the blue and really for the very first time she honestly opened up about her mother and her feelings. In spite of what you read here, in truth we have talked very little about her mother this past year. I didn’t want to talk about her and if I did DD wouldn’t talk about her. But in what truly felt like a watershed moment she started to share her feelings as an adult.
There was the anger and sadness and disappointment for what she always thought would be, but now will never come. I told her that this can not be the event that defines us and darkens us, but is the event in our lives that we both overcome and grow from.
She talked of betrayal, deceit and mind games from her mother that she feels are still rampant. I told her that in time she needed to share this with her mother and she said that someday she will.
She said she feels guilty about it and intellectually realizes that Gollum’s D3 is the most innocent victim here, but she has strong feelings of resentment towards him. Wayzilla’s pictures at home and their relevant placement in the house hurt DD deeply.
We covered some ground but it was the most she has opened up since D-Day. I will let her take it at her pace.
When we got home she went downstairs to bed and I sat in the dark in front of the lit Christmas tree and reflected on this past year. Who would have thunk it?
She came back upstairs to get a drink of water and saw me there. She came up behind me and gave me a hug and a, “I love you Daddy.” For a minute again I had my baby girl back but it is clear we have reached a new phase of our relationship as a father and a daughter. She looks ready. I hope I am.
I think you're doing great, mis amigo, in the face of such an incredible waste. I hurt for DD 19.977 just like I do for you, but I know that you'll both be fine.
The tears welled up in my eyes when I read about you sitting in front of that tree; some for joy, some for the pain.
She will always, in some way, be your little girl. No matter what, I was always my momma's little girl. I was always allowed, by her, to go to that place again, and be comforted. We had a very adult relationship by the time she died, too, and I was still allowed that special place.
I'm so happy that your DD opened up to you. YOU are the safe place, Chris. She can build strength enough to tell these things to WZ over time. This is really great stuff! Give that girl a gigantic hug from me. I'm very proud of her for taking this step.
Chris, I can understand your feelings as a father. I have moments like that as well with mine, she's just much younger than yours, but I see her growing up so quickly. She's reading now and I'm so proud of her.
I relate so much to your DD. I wasn't much older when my parents had their D. I too felt jealousy/resentment when I saw my mom's new boyfriend's pictures up in her house next to ours.
It is tough as an adult kid.
She's done fantastic. She has you as an example of what she needs to be like and look for in a man. There can be no better gift to give a kid than a good example.
I can't understand how someone can walk away from a family like yours.
Best of luck to you, your DD, and your team of kids.
The divorce has been final for 6-months today. The Jimmy Hoffa Plan B from the Dark Side of Pluto continues without a crack. I have not seen or spoken to Wayzilla since last June (I am not counting the night in the gym as I did not see her). There were a couple 1-2 word email responses in July regarding the refinance and of course her attempt to probe the Plan B email at Thanksgiving that went without response.
I assume that Wayzilla would feel more “Christmassy” if I would just snap out of it so we could “be friends” and sanction her skanky adulteress deceitful behavior and forgive and forget the destruction of DD’s family. Well, it ain’t happenin.
My team and I rode a bus through a snow storm Tuesday to play our 3rd game. We came away with a solid 62-47 win over an all sophomore team. They are still undefeated. It was a 2-hour round trip and naturally the bus heater broke down. Not surprisingly I now have my traditional Christmas cold.
DD19.994 got to put her lifeguard training into play the same night at a girl’s tournament game in the Peoples Republic of Boulder. A girl hit her head hard and went into shock with a concussion. DD grabbed coats from the crowd bundled her up and kept her attentive until the paramedic’s arrived. She got a big thumbs up from the paramedics and the doctors at the Boulder County Hospital.
A few months ago I dreaded Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years and thought there would be no celebration this year. But Thanksgiving was great and I am really truly looking forward to the rest of the holidays.
We are going out to DD’s favorite (expensive) restaurant Sunday night for her birthday. It will be a great time.
DD19's official assent to DD20 is Saturday. She has a game to coach in Boulder that I am going to try to make. It is a good chance Wayzilla (unless she is back in Mordor Springs) and Grandzilla will be there. Eeeeehawwww.
My physical therapist was assuring me that 40 is the new 30 (as she poked and prodded my sore shoulder). You don't suppose she was just trying to make me feel better, do you?
Great for DD19.994 on the save. Training is one thing. Application is another. It's a nice confidence builder.
Well DD reminded me tonight about my 'mortality probability', in the sweetest way,,
She was watching Casper,,,,saying how she hopes 'that' never happens (losing me), but "it will because YOU are 4*, Mommy, so that means,,,,,,well what if you live to 100? How long would that be?"
I went to her team’s basketball game on her birthday Saturday and she got a badly needed win. She was really pumped and felt great afterwards.
Right at game time Grandzilla and XFIL showed up. They b-lined straight into the stands with the opponent’s parents as soon as they saw me. Then Grandzilla got up and left the gym, I presume to warn Wayzilla. A few minutes later Wayzilla arrives and plops down with her parents. Wayzilla was so shook up for a bit she was clapping for the wrong team. That was really weird.
After the game I was talking with some of the parents of DD players and felt a tug at my sleeve. I turn around and lo and behold it is Grandzilla. It is hard to describe her demeanor but I guess I would call it “stricken”. She quietly asked how I was and I answered in a one word, “Fine.” Then she said, “I just want you to know that we still love you.” She turned around and left before I could even reply.
DD saw her Mom outside the gym for a minute after the game and then WayZ promptly got in her car and headed for Mordor Springs and Gollum.
After the game we went shopping for a digital camera for DD to replace the one stolen from her apartment the week before the divorce was final last June.
DD did not receive a present, a phone call or even a card from anyone in WayZ’s family.
Last night I took DD to her favorite restaurant in town. It was expensive but we had a great time and this place always looks so great at Christmas time.
My kids got their 4th win on Friday night, 36-35 over another all sophomore team. We only led for the last 16 seconds of the game but that’s all that mattered. My games resume in January.
Next Sunday I am taking the Divorcengruppen Sniper to the theater version of Irving Berlin’s White Christmas. I have always loved the old movie with Bing, Danny Kaye, Rosemary Clooney and Vera Ellen (and Vera Ellen’s legs too!).
Glad to hear you guys are doing well. Ex ILs are in a tough spot. They stick by their kids, who are the real screw ups, but don't hate the ex who did nothing to warrant the actions of their child.
How do you feel about her comment?
Has Wayzilla tried to contact you in any way?
The holidays are going to be tough, I'm sure.
Glad to know your coaching is going well. I'm sure it's very rewarding.
Just chalk the whole GrandZ thing up to the HOLIDAYS. That's what I do when people are acting contrary to their nature; hmmm, must be the holidays--it brings out the whacko in everybody.
DD20---YAY! That has a nice ring to it.
Ahhh, White Christmas. I love that movie. Great songage! I think Vera Ellen is a bit TOO slim, but those gams are hot!
It was just an attempt to drop some of the guilt sandbags from the steeply descending Infidel Hotel Zeppelin. I don’t think she got much from it. SL is right too that the holidays bring out the best in hypocrites.
She has stood by this past two years and watched, if not outright enabled two of her children destroy their marriages by adultery and deeply hurting four of her grandchildren. Three of these kids are now more or less estranged from her family.
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Has Wayzilla tried to contact you in any way?
Only the strange and pointless email I never responded to a couple days before Thanksgiving (D-Day first anniversary). I think that was a “are you still in Plan B?” probe. Plan B does really get under their skin. It makes them stew alone in their own choices.
I never really looked at her during the game except when I noticed she was clapping for the other team by mistake. She must have been distracted by something.
Since it's the holidays and we're feeling generous, the ILs are probably doing the best they can. (Yes, a bigger, more complete person could probably do more, but they are probably doing the best they can.)
I think this may be my first post 2 your thread. I think you came along at a point in my own experience here when I found I needed 2 not read all the threads here - there was just 2 much time required.
But I 2k some time 2day and read this thread. I'm sorry we weren't able 2 meet in August when I was driving across country, and that I didn't make it 2 the Fruits & Nuts gathering in Burbank.
You sound good. I'm always amazed at the furious pace some WSs seem 2 need 2 get DV'd and get their As legitimized. Yours is one of the fastest, but believe it or not it wasn't the fastest I've run across, by a long shot.
I think Jack55's WW was gone and DV'd from him less than 3 months after d-day.
Life is strange sometimes.
-ol' 2long P.S. I like some of your sayings. I'm going 2 steal them and use them in everyday speech. Just so you know! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
It's my one year anniversary here at MB. Thank you all for the help you have given me and DD20 along the way.
SL, I am flattered but I think my best stuff comes from Carl in Caddy Shack.
2long, Thank you for dropping by. I aways read your posts and admire your compassion, wit and humor. Your dry engineering humor always makes me laugh. I do engineering and cad work for a company that manufactures and installs aerial lifts and cranes on truck chassis. These boards need more like you 2long. Better to be part of the solution than the precipitate.
A whole year, huh? Wow, that means I started lurking around this time. I distinctly remember your congratulating yourself for getting promoted from 'junior' to 'member' when you hit 25 posts.
When I registered about a month later, you probably don't remember, but you called me the most upbeat resident in Betrayedville. You gave me something to aim for....and I am grateful.....still tryin' to live up to your compliment.
I had admired our posts while lurking, and after I registered, you impacted me when you asked for an update after I let my thread slide. I appreciate your confidence in me and enjoyed your humorous stories in the midst of your pain.
My FWH has retired from coaching hoops, but he still pitches and plays 1st/3rd base in 55+ baseball. Now that he's no longer coaching, I enjoy your coaching recaps.....brings back many memories of DH's 30+ years of coaching mostly HS hoops and baseball.
Glad you're poppin' in for updates occasionally, even if it is during your busy season. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
I still find it odd that a year to the day that I signed on here, PWC came a knockin' to come home. It's, like, so weird. Maybe I should have made him knock a little longer, given him more momentum. Meh, it is what it is (as my boss would say).
Congrats on stickin it out and being a Plan B guru! You really rock. It has been an honor to type with you.
When I was at my worst, you and guy and foxy really helped to cheer me up. You are hilarious! Any woman that is lucky enough to end up with you is going to have some tight abs, from laughing so much. (or she will become incontinent and tinkle a little)
[color:"green"] You are hilarious! Any woman that is lucky enough to end up with you is going to have some tight abs, from laughing so much. (or she will become incontinent and tinkle a little) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> [/color]
SL, I think I'm gonna start a topic on the Recovery Vacation thread with your comments. It might be entitled something like Odds and Ends ~~> (Mostly 'ends): MB comments that make one LOL. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Ace
EDITED to add link to Vacation Thread with new topic inspired by this post.
Look, sometimes, we're given the tools we know how to use best. Yours is laughter. You can't leap a tall building in a single bound, but you can make a supervillain pee his pants, making him look like an idiot in his wet tights, then killing his evil spirit, and reducing him to a child.
On cold days my right knee can barely get me to the upstairs bathroom.
This is why I moved my bedroom downstairs YEARS ago, and my knees were bothering me then. I had enough foresight to get closer to the kitchen and bathroom. Now I can slither there if I must. After the BACKIOTOMY, I will be thanking my lucky stars that we made this move.
Things are going pretty good. Considering all the adultery anniversaries at that time, the holidays were far better than I ever imagined they could be. We really had a great time. So great it surprised us.
DD20 moved out a couple weeks ago into an apartment with a girl friend. She is doing real good, but there has been some lingering insecurities. I am sure she will do fine. The house sure is quiet.
I got back this weekend from a week long training session in Watertown, SD. COLD! REALLY COLD! I don’t think I recorded a reading higher than 1.3 on the FunMeter the whole week and that was in a bar one night watching basketball.
I have two basketball games this week with the boys. They lost one last week with the JV coach running them while I was out of town so we are 6-2 on the season. I can’t believe there are only six weeks left in the season. It has been a blast.
I hosted a party at the house for the JV girl’s team on DD’s behalf last Saturday night after I got home from SD. 10 girls between the ages of 14 and 16 make a noise similar to an air raid siren high on Mountain Dew.
Next Wednesday will be the one-year anniversary of Wayzilla leaving home to be “alone and independent as Gollum’s lap dancer. The D was final 7 months last week.
The JHPBftFSoP Plan B continues in complete darkness. I have not spoken to Wayzilla in 7-months. She sent a little happy birthday email last month to probe Plan B but received no response. DD and I have not mentioned her to each other this year.
Time to start thinking about the garden and patio expansions I want to do this spring. DD20 and I have to start making plans to return my Mother’s ashes to the family farm in Minnesota this summer. That is where she had the happiest times of her whole life. I bet DD will want to plan in some time to visit The Mall of the Northern Hemisphere as well (insert a Rin LOL)!
Sure are a lot of newbies here after the holidays. I wish them all the stillness and calm they need to face the most challenging days of their lives. Life does go on, even after adultery.
Time to start thinking about the garden and patio expansions I want to do this spring.
AHHHHH, SPRING! I've been working inside the house, and making honeydo lists for PWC. It keeps him outta trouble <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />, and keeps me from going MAD!
Since this summer, I have completed the bathroom renovation, and mostly completed the bedroom. When I can, I'll finish painting the molding and move on to the living room, which needs some molding and a new paint job.
DD20 called last night after I got home from Bball practice. She is still a little clingy since moving into her apartment a couple weeks ago but is sounding great.
She told me Wayzilla called her yesterday and was more “weird psycho” than her “normal flipped out crazy self”. Finally Wayzilla told her that the branch in Mordor where Gollum works out of is closing down. In fact she called from the Mordor branch where she was doing asset inventory and preparation for the personnel lay-offs. DD said she sounded a little shaky and sniffy. Poor thing.
She told DD that this was secret information and to tell no one. Riiiiiiiight. Telegraph, Telephone, TeleDD. The secret was out in about 8 hours. Did she really think DD would keep this to herself? I have to think the sole purpose of telling DD was to flow the info to me. But why? Remember, I was responsible for her securing her 4 best jobs in her life.
I don’t know how this closure will effect Gollum but Wayzilla’s #1 emotional need through the marriage was financial security and stability. Her company has struggled for a few years now as they have gone from three facilities in Colorado down to one. Their main competitor (where Gollum left after his second affair) has grown from one facility in Mordor to three strong shops up the corridor. I don’t think there is much time left. The parent company is tired of the bleeding.
Now if the DOT would just hurry up (a DOT in a hurry?) and get those living room bulldozer races up and running!
Little unfulfilling probes into my Plan B? Making sure I know about the sad tragedy in Mordor?
Time to pull up a lawn chair and get a Long Island Ice Tea………
Wait! What am I thinking? I am way too busy! I have a game tonight and two to assist and DGS and I are dressing up and going to a jazz club tomorrow night.
My head coach asked me to be the JV coach next year last night. I received three phone calls over the past two weeks from people who want me to interview for two different high school girl head coach positions expected to open in the next two months. Work is busy and fun.
Who would have thought personal recovery could be such a blast.
That Karma bus......moves a little slow, doesn't she? But when it parks in front of someone - it does a heck of a job.
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I have to think the sole purpose of telling DD was to flow the info to me. But why?
Rescue. Maybe only subconciously....but where do you instinctively look when you are in a bind - to the one that has rescued you before.
She can't look to Gollum - no history to back it up - and he's on his way down with her.
And she knows it.
Her fall has seemed to be slow because she's caught a foothold here and there.......but she will still feel the impact when she hits bottom.
It's there......waiting for her to stop fighting in the wrong direction. There's two sides of the canyon. She's falling down the bad side, 'cause she shouldn't have been there in the first place. She'll have to hit bottom to come back up the good side. Unless she again chooses the bad side - then she has to start over again. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
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She told me Wayzilla called her yesterday and was more “weird psycho” than her “normal flipped out crazy self”.
Funny......but sad, too.
It's great to hear you've found your calling. Sounds like coaching loves you as much as you love it. Congrats!
It's starting to sound like half the FLEET of Karma Bus' is waiting outside WZ's door. I would fear walking in my front yard at this point, for fear that a HOUSE might fall on me. Looks like DOROTHY may be the NAME on the Karma Bus.
Just wanted you to know I was alive and we had flurries last weekend. WOOHOO!!!
Looks like the Karma bus got a flat right in front of Wayzilla's house. [email]D@mn[/email] the bad luck. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />
Oh, going to the camp tonight, and to a hog roast next weekend in the infamous Jena, La. Gonna be a whole keg of bud light. So the only marching I'll be doing is to the nearest tree. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
It's not easy being Cajun, but I try. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
Send my love to DD, the waffle fuerer, and of course to the Joi de mon vie.
Just wanted you to know I was alive and we had flurries last weekend
What, did some frost slop off your Bud Light can? But I am glad you are alive.
Hi 14th, SL and Cowgirl!
Cowgirl, I love the canyon wall comparison. Very Wil E Coyote. Wayzilla in her ACME jet boots and fishnet stockings with that big overhang rock thingy that always breaks off and lands on her. Ooooooo.....hit replay, hit replay.
Very Wil E Coyote. Wayzilla in her ACME jet boots and fishnet stockings with that big overhang rock thingy that always breaks off and lands on her. Ooooooo.....hit replay, hit replay.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> You make it so much funnier than how I said it. Love it!
So I get stuck a few minutes late on a project at work last night and was about 10-minutes late to basketball practice. I call DD20 who is at the school wrapping up her JV practice. I ask her if she can start the boys off until I get there. No problem.
When I arrive, I look through the gym door windows and I see all 12 of my freshman and sophomores lined up on the baseline holding the down position of a pushup. DD is swaggering along the front of the line with her hands behind her back forcefully telling the boys, “Gentlemen, it takes hard work to be a champion. I expect more effort from my girls than you are giving me.”
One of the boys loses his hold on the pushup and hits the floor.
“I did not tell you to quit! Everyone! Start over!”
I walk in the gym and my big post player who averages around 20 points a game calls out in a pathetic whine, “Coach! Thank God you are here! Please make her stop!”
I told him I had to go to the equipment room for a couple minutes and for DD to carry on. This was met with a resounding moan.
When I come out she has them holding a low defensive stance position for 2-1/2 minutes. If you have not done this, it is torture.
She is something!
We both got wins last Friday night. My boys are 7-3 now. She coaches a game tonight and I have one tomorrow. We talked and laughed on the phone for nearly an hour last night.
THis is just great! I remember having to SIT up against the wall in Vball practice. I swear, I thought my legs would spontaneously combust any minute. It IS torture, but, hey, it put a lot of spring in my digging step (libero/middle back position, as it were).
Today is the one year anniversary of Wayzilla moving out in the night and the start of Plan B. It is very nice to get by all the “firsts”. I look back today in amazement about what a wreck I was a year ago and where I am today. It’s like a whole new life.
The last major “first” now will be the divorce being final this June.
DD20 lost her game last night and was a little bummed when we talked on the phone. Wayzilla was at the game (I was at practice) but DD said they never spoke. Still a wayward maroon.
I have a game tonight and two to assist. The boys made a deal with me the other day that if they won league for level 3 that I would shave off my beard. No one on the planet would recognize me without my beard. They are a pretty good team but I am feeling pretty safe.
What a hoot your DD20 is - apple doesn't fall far from the tree does it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
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I look back today in amazement about what a wreck I was a year ago and where I am today.
Truly amazing. Thank you for sharing the journey with us. I can't thank you enough for sharing your sense of humor and good advice.
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The boys made a deal with me the other day that if they won league for level 3 that I would shave off my beard. No one on the planet would recognize me without my beard. They are a pretty good team but I am feeling pretty safe.
Be careful. Humiliating the coach is one heck of a motivation!
Take care, chris. It's great to hear how much better your life is getting.
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The last major “first” now will be the divorce being final this June.
Geez-a-moley, I'm still waiting for the FIRST court date. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
Boy, the courts in Montana definitely drive with the parking brakes on. I hope you are well.
Not much left of the MB class of 2007. I saw Bugs and Sis both post today and they sound good. The Cajun amigo sounds like he is happy as well.
I am going to take DD out shopping for a nice dresser in the next couple weeks. I want her to have a real nice one she can be happy with for many years.
How is Bball going for DD13? I still miss coaching girls. They work so hard at the details and fundamentals.
Stay warm Cowgirl. I think we will be disappointed this year with Punxsutawney Phil. I think winter will stretch out this year.
Boy, the courts in Montana definitely drive with the parking brakes on. I hope you are well.
Yup, they are almost in reverse sometimes. Put a call into my lawyer this morning. Giving him a little nudge to get a scheduling conference on the books so we can get this done.
No word from him yet.
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Not much left of the MB class of 2007. I saw Bugs and Sis both post today and they sound good. The Cajun amigo sounds like he is happy as well.
Everyone has come so far from where they were when they first got here. It's really good to see.
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How is Bball going for DD13? I still miss coaching girls. They work so hard at the details and fundamentals.
Not so good. She really dislikes her coach. Her team is winning by drastic points but she gets very little play time. Yesterday she played a total of 6 minutes (not all together) and made two baskets. She's a decent player, she just doesn't get play time.
Her coach is rude to the kids and borderline rude to the parents.
I talked to her last night about whether or not she was going to try out for high school basketball. Her answer was no. When I asked her why (she's always loved b-ball) she said she wasn't good enough so there isn't any point.
She's incredibly discouraged. I tried to talk to her about not quitting something she loves - there are people in life that we have to deal with and we cannot let them ruin our dreams or discourage us from our goals.
In the end....it's her choice. She can allow someone to discourage her from something she loves to do - or choose to stick with it and leave this coach in her dust.
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Stay warm Cowgirl. I think we will be disappointed this year with Punxsutawney Phil. I think winter will stretch out this year.
Stop talking dirty, chris. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> I think you are right, though, it's going to be a long one.
There's days you just have to hunker down and endure, having faith that warmer weather will come.
Huge win for the boys last night. We beat a program that is historically very good at all levels by 25. It's kind of an obnoxious rich kid school that most everyone in the league despises. Guess where Wayzilla went to high school? It was all the better a win because I had to sit 4 of my best players in the second half so they could play a little in the JV game and I got all 12 of my boys on the floor. My point hit 7 3-pointers and the team made 11 total.
I was told prior to the game that their coach was a real jerk and this turned out to be pretty accurate. Actually it was a profound understatement. He screamed and cried and pouted and moaned and threw around his coaching board. Every time one of his kids was called for anything he did this little baby stomp thing that in retrospect was quite strange. What a maroon.
Late in the second half I had several of my babies on the floor together and we were struggling a little. Their coach started acting like this was the Super Bowl of level 3 boy's basketball and I finally had it.
The gym got a little quiet so I loudly addressed my kids while the game was still in play. “Gentleman, I am not going to bail you out by wasting a time out. You have already won this game so start playing like winners again. Show some poise and stop playing with your food.” We then outscored them 9-0 to finish the game.
That went over like a fart in an airlock on the other bench but the home stands enjoyed it.
He did not shake my hand after the game.
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Her coach is rude to the kids and borderline rude to the parents.
Where do they find these guys Cowgirl?
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I talked to her last night about whether or not she was going to try out for high school basketball. Her answer was no. When I asked her why (she's always loved b-ball) she said she wasn't good enough so there isn't any point.
Hopefully she will change her mind. I wish I could talk to her. To often girls allow bad coaches and selfish boyfriends (Arrrrggggg do I hate that one) to end their sports. I have always told the girls that have played for me that a boy will not give up his sport for you. Don’t give up yours for him.
I had a girls team a couple years ago that would occasionally end a huddle with, “1-2-3 BOYS ARE BAD”
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She's incredibly discouraged. I tried to talk to her about not quitting something she loves - there are people in life that we have to deal with and we cannot let them ruin our dreams or discourage us from our goals.
In the end....it's her choice. She can allow someone to discourage her from something she loves to do - or choose to stick with it and leave this coach in her dust.
The right message!
I talked to DD20 last night after the games for nearly an hour. She is doing fine. We both knew it was the one year anniversary of Wayzilla’s freedom but we never brought her up. We talked about school, basketball, boyfriends, and believe it or not recipes, bedroom dressers and dresses. What a hoot!
I just LOVE reading your team stories! It's so great to read about people who love kids and set such great examples with their time, energy, and CLASS!
But I really had to pop by to say that this -
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We talked about school, basketball, boyfriends, and believe it or not recipes, bedroom dressers and dresses. What a hoot
is one of the best lines in a long, long time! Your ability to chat like "one of the girls" is going to make you totally irresistable (sp?) to the women!! It's like the icing on top of the cake!! he he!
Seriously, you continue to do so well!!
So, what IS the latest in the line of fashionable dresses? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Better look out....sounds like your boys are on their way to having a bare faced coach.
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Where do they find these guys Cowgirl?
I dunno..... and why do they want to coach? They obviously don't enjoy it.
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I had a girls team a couple years ago that would occasionally end a huddle with, “1-2-3 BOYS ARE BAD”
Too funny. DD13 has yet to admit that she is even aware boys are around.
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Hopefully she will change her mind. I wish I could talk to her.
I agree on both points. Mom knows absolutely nothing and can't possibly understand what she is going through.
I think she is going through alot right now. I think the strain of the D is finally beginning to show, hormones are raging, and just your typical teenage stuff. It was so nice to be around her this weekend, she was smiling and happy, and content. And then the switch flipped and she hates the world again.
Could be an absolute coincidence but her attitude didn't go sour until she spent an evening with WH again. Our road was closed on Monday so we couldn't get into town and they missed visitation with him on that day.
Her b-ball team is running away with wins so that has been a plus. I try to make a big deal and celebrate and she says "why? I didn't help do it." Even when she actually has....some of the points are hers directly and others she assisted in getting. Her attitude just sucks.
At times she reminds of WH and his sulkiness and how it is everyone else's job to drag them out of their pissy moods. GRRR.
Sorry for the t/j.
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I talked to DD20 last night after the games for nearly an hour. She is doing fine. We both knew it was the one year anniversary of Wayzilla’s freedom but we never brought her up. We talked about school, basketball, boyfriends, and believe it or not recipes, bedroom dressers and dresses. What a hoot!
That is so cool! What a great dad you are. Too bad they are not all like you!
I enjoy your hoop stories, especially now that my FWH has officially retired from youth sports coaching after 35 years.
Now that he's pitching on a 55+ baseball team and teaching private pitching lesson$, he is still enjoying sports....just not youth team coaching.
So I appreciate all your game stories....brings back many fond memories.
Also, I've been meaning to ask, might you be willing to link or post your success story of personal recovery on the Success Stories thread (link in my sig line)? Your process could inspire many guys who need a boost in spirits as they struggle with the prospects of being D'd after many years of marriage.
Thanks...and keep the hoop stories coming. I read them all and smile. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
DD20 had a tough day yesterday. Her team is struggling for unity and ultimately for wins. Now a parent has left a nasty message on her cell phone. She called me pretty upset and had some frustrated tears. I wouldn’t even want to coach her bunch of selfish knuckleheads. She seemed to get a handle on the situation pretty quick and has been very adult in her response. I invited her to dinner after practice and she was pretty pleased to accept.
Then while she was driving to BW3, Wayzilla called her. It was nothing important but DD could barely hear her over Gollum’s howling S3 in the background. What an idiot! DD was soooooo pissed. DD told her mom to call back sometime when she has more time and hung up. What is Wayzilla thinking?
Well anyway, the wings at BW3 were fine, the company first rate and the Indiana-Illinois game was great. She sounded fine this morning and I will see her tomorrow for another round of dresser shopping.
My boys picked up two more solid wins this week and we have a huge game tomorrow morning against the #1 team in our conference. It should be a great test. Our win on Wednesday was over a team coached by DD’s former high school coach the year they got to the Elite 8 at the state tournament. I was his 8th grade youth feeder coach for 2-years. After the game the refs came over to me and told me it was a pleasure to work my games and they really appreciate my demeanor and my boys discipline and sportsmanship. One told me that it is obvious my boys love me. Cool.
There are only 2-weeks left of the season and six games and our only away game of any real distance is at Columbine. It’s been really great but I am ready for a little break. Come on Spring!
The divorce will be final for 8-months next week and I have not spoken to Wayzilla since the week after it was final. PLAN B on 3! 1-2-3 PLAN B!!
Poor DD20. Parents can be tough! Coaching is hard, no doubt. It's great she has you to get advice from.
I really wish DD13 had a coach like you. Your boys are lucky.
The World of Wayzilla (WoW) - does not sound like all it was meant to be. How do you 'spose WayZ feels having a screaming 3 year old around? I don't know about her, but I sure wouldn't want to start over (especially with someone else's) and I'm just 34 (almost).
DD13's b-ball team is still undefeated and she is getting much more play time then she was. She still struggles with the coach but she seems to be getting past it. She still has some confidence issues to work through though.
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One told me that it is obvious my boys love me.
EXCELLENT! They probably work harder for you to make YOU proud of them, too.
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Come on Spring!
You can say that again! Wind has been blowing up here like we ought to be in Kansas! Part of the road to my driveway has drifted badly and I have to get a screaming run at the drift to make it through. DDs love it! I'm not so sure... sometimes we get close to the end and I'm just barely creeping. Good thing it's not too far from the house.
Why didn't I think of that?! Remember that mental slowness I posted about on my thread - here's proof. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
Shall I wait for them to get in trouble on their own......or set them up? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
The World of Wayzilla (WoW) - does not sound like all it was meant to be. How do you 'spose WayZ feels having a screaming 3 year old around? I don't know about her, but I sure wouldn't want to start over (especially with someone else's) and I'm just 34 (almost).
Morbid curiosity does keep me wondering. I really only get tiny occasional glimpses into her stinking swamp of a life so I really can’t be sure. She’s 46 and a part time babysitter to another woman’s 3-year old son. A woman she crapped all over. Incredible!
***RANT WARNING! READ AT OWN RISK***
I still feel terrible for Gollum’s XBW that Wayzilla has entered her DS’s life in such a profoundly horrible way. I am absolutely ashamed of her for that. Does she think she is bringing some kind of value or benefit to this little boy’s life? How do they live with themselves?
Gollum’s X really should get the preverbal 10-minutes in an empty room with Wayzilla and a baseball bat. And no, I am not kidding. She deserves that.
I do know that they did not spend any of Christmas together. I don’t think either are welcome with the others family yet. Those annoying little details of reality that the fantasy never addressed.
And why is she still so evil to her daughter? Showing DD her home with pictures of Gollum and Gollum Spawn proudly on display in her living room and bedroom? The pictures of DD are on a wall in the dank basement with the boxes she has not unpacked yet.
Calling DD with Gollum’s son screaming in the background? What is the message she is trying to send her daughter?
This all goes beyond fog and addiction and all the “get out of jail free” excuses for wayward behavior. It’s mean, it’s purposefully hurtful and although I can only say it here, I want the B!tch out of my daughter’s life.
I have carried the entire load morally, financially and emotionally for my daughter for over a year and I am proud and happy to do it. And I will do it the rest of my life. All my stinking B!tch of an X has done is hurt and confuse her. And I am sick of it.
I remember she came home on a Friday night during Plan A and started pounding down vodka and Sprite. She is not a drinker by any stretch. My jaw was hitting the floor. Within an hour she was a stammering wreck. Tears and blubbering. “I don’t know what to do.” I don’t know what I want.” “This is so confusing.” “Why are you doing this?” “I just want to drive into a bridge abutment.”
That night I got to hold her hair while she yacked to Ralph. Ah, the golden memories of Plan A.
Well now I am all for the bridge abutment solution.
Yikes, sorry I asked. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
Boy, can I related to your rant. You've been holding that in for a long time.....
Personally, I'm glad to hear you're no better than the rest of us. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I've often wished a bridge abutment would introduce itself to Bab's and WH.
I give that a 10! Good solid rant, stayed focused on subject at hand. REally has a good grasp of where his anger belongs, and, as usual, excellent excecution! If only you had some shirts of WZ's to now ceremonially cut into bits and shreds and then burn.
Oh you know how it is...it kind of wells up from time to time like the morning after burritos and Old Milwaukee night.
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I give that a 10!
It was a pretty good effort. I wanted to find a spot to throw in odious and repugnant but maybe next time. It stumbles a little at the mid-point but finishes strong with the old tried and true barf story.
Man, I feel better!
She is always there for me!
Have a great weekend SL and Cowgirl! Thanks for being great friends.
I use to have a tough time just hearing my dad's mistress in the background.
I once sped off in his car when she came out of the house and I had my daughter and then wife over for a visit. I abruptly ended my conversation with my dad and his neighbor and sped away.
One of my other fits was going out with a buddy and my brother to a sports bar and seeing my dad there with the b*tch.
I stormed out, drove to my dad's place, got our stuff out of there and then went to sleep at my best friend's parent's house.
I did all this in my late 20s.
It's tough. I think it's tougher on the older kids because you have good memories to compare the crap to. Younger ones adapt better.
DD20 told me she called her mom in the afternoon to wish her a happy Valentine’s Day (Infidel Mardi Gras). She said she got back a cold, “Is it Valentine’s Day?”, and “yeah, you too.”
Are the toilets backing up in Camelot?
Wayzilla showed up last night to see DD’s girl’s play but as usual sat away from the home crowd and left without saying a word to DD.
I had a great day! Not as great as the day that Lisa R. gave me a special “big” Valentine’s card instead of the little “class” size Scooby Doo or Loony Tunes ones that everyone else got in the 5th grade. That was even better!
Two great wins for the boys this week and a game to play tonight. Last night’s game was tied at 57 with 42 seconds left and us with the ball. I did not even have to call a time out. My guards worked the ball patiently running 36 seconds off the clock before executing a backdoor layup for the game winner that looked like it came out of Hoosiers (except we have better uniforms and I don’t get to go out with Barbara Hershey).
It was another team that was supposed to “hammer” us. We are 12-4 now on the season and 5-2 in league. Next Wednesday night we play Columbine and on Friday finish with the only currently undefeated team in our league.
The team and their families are coming over to my place tomorrow for a pizza and pot luck party. DD and the DGS will be there too so I am really looking forward to it. These have been great kids and are the most unselfish team I have ever coached.
chrisner, if no one has started a top ten list of fantastically funny stuff on your thread yet, I nominate the above to go on the list. Although I'm sure it wouldn't end up being top ten material once everyone has their say, I laughed out loud, and for that, I thank you!
I had a great day! Not as great as the day that Lisa R. gave me a special “big” Valentine’s card instead of the little “class” size Scooby Doo or Loony Tunes ones that everyone else got in the 5th grade. That was even better!
Oh, man. I love memories like that. I wish I could pull up one for Valentine's Day.
I went in for physical therapy yesterday, and my therapist (who has heard my whole story now) said "Well, I was going to wish you a Happy Valentine's Day, but maybe Bah! Humbug! would be more appropriate." Pretty much summed it up for me.
Today is better. Glad to hear things are good for you!
The basketball season is over! We lost to the undefeated league champ last Friday night but played well. The boys scored 28 points in the 4th quarter in a pretty furious but ultimately futile rally. We finished 3rd in league (my beard is safe!) with a 14-5 record. I get a couple weeks off and then we start the work for spring and summer.
I have received a few calls and messages from the parents of another high school that want me to apply for their head coaching job. I have coached almost all of their freshman and sophomore girls in the program. They had a BAD year and the new coach quit midway through the season. What a squeege. The JV coach took over but he really is not qualified and lost every game from then on.
DD20’s season ended as well. Her team was a few games below .500 but I think she did a great job considering her talent and attitudes on that team. She was transferred to a new store at work and is getting promoted so she is feeling pretty good right now. School seems to be going great too. We had a nice dinner last night. She has yet another boyfriend but I really like this kid. He might last 2-3 weeks!
Got on the bathroom scale this weekend and realized the infidelity diet is really over! Hopefully I can work a few pounds back off with the back yard garden and patio projects I have on the board. A lot of plants are already peeking up around the mulch.
Amazing to think where I was at this time last year! Someone here posted to me a year ago that I had no idea how well I would be doing right now. Must have been “Betrayed Nostradamus”.
Not much news overheard from Mordor Springs. DD says Wayzilla is pretty short and cranky when they do talk. It seems she is the one who goes to Gollum’s lair every single weekend and at least half the time is a babysitter for a 3-year old. DD told me she has now had two accidents with her new car since the divorce. The Karma Bus does have a sense of humor. Since the divorce was final she:
- Bought a 50-year old house in a redevelopment zone with a map of her home on the city web page under the bulldozer treads. - Her bonus buy used refrigerator crapped out in the first month. - Her neighbor ran over her chain link fence with a backhoe. - She has had two accidents with her new car and ongoing brake problems. - Her company closed the Mordor Springs facility and is struggling to survive. - She gets to travel 145 miles round trip each weekend to baby-sit and lap dance. - She had some kind of “wonderful news” at Thanksgiving that apparently evaporated. - She didn’t feel “Chrismassy” last year for some reason. - She spent Valentine’s Day alone. - She seems to be stressing her finances. - Her daughter barely talks to her or sees her.
I wonder if this was the plan? She told me she had a plan. If this is it she needs a new planner.
Cheers to all from the dark side of former planet Pluto.
The opportunties just keep comin' for you, don't they? Good for you!
Glad to hear that DD20 is doing well, too. Onward and upward!
Those waywards - they have quite the brains for planning and reasoning, don't they? The cleanup of the messes they have made for themselves will go on and on and on.
I haven't heard much more about WH financial difficulties and he did pay CS this month. However, Bab's is receiving notices at her BH's house that her doctor bills are headed for collection and her BH got a call from her auto insurance company that her new Jeep is no longer covered.
The Karma Bus does have a sense of humor. Since the divorce was final she:
- Bought a 50-year old house in a redevelopment zone with a map of her home on the city web page under the bulldozer treads. - Her bonus buy used refrigerator crapped out in the first month. - Her neighbor ran over her chain link fence with a backhoe. - She has had two accidents with her new car and ongoing brake problems. - Her company closed the Mordor Springs facility and is struggling to survive. - She gets to travel 145 miles round trip each weekend to baby-sit and lap dance. - She had some kind of “wonderful news” at Thanksgiving that apparently evaporated. - She didn’t feel “Chrismassy” last year for some reason. - She spent Valentine’s Day alone. - She seems to be stressing her finances. - Her daughter barley talks to her or sees her.
I wonder if this was the plan? She told me she had a plan. If this is it she needs a new planner.
I got a call from a couple of parents from the other school where they want me to coach their girls team yesterday wanting to get together tonight for a couple beers. I assume they will make a pitch. Here in Colorado, parents are about 30% influential in coaches getting hired and 97% influential in coaches getting fired or quitting.
In truth I am pretty convinced I will stay with the program I am at and coach my boys next year at the JV level. I owe the head coach a lot for how much these past months have helped me in my adultery/divorce personal recovery “gig”. If this was a year later, well….maybe. It is very nice that people have that kind of thoughts and confidence in me.
On the Wayzilla front, I got a letter in the mail from her yesterday. Inside was the registration and tags for DD20’s car. For whatever reason, the Post Office decided to forward it to her at bulldozer barn. The registration portion visable through the envelope window was in both our names. She never opened it but wrote on the envelope, “Please get this corrected.”
When we had the final settlement it was agreed we would retain joint ownership (she did not want me to “win” the car and I was not giving DD’s car to a wayward) of this vehicle until DD was DD21 and capable of all the monetary requirements of vehicle ownership. In the meantime I have carried the insurance and registration fees and unfortunately much of the maintenance for DD.
She probably thought that it was the registration to the POS Subaru she signed to me and that I was too confused, wanting and helpless without her to get the title reassignment (that I got 8-months ago).
So…..I took out the registration and tags and returned the envelope she wrote on with the following note:
To clarify, I understand that by “corrected” you now desire to be removed from the title of DD’s Focus.
I will make the title available to DD so that she can obtain the necessary title signature from you required to relinquish ownership of the vehicle some time in the near future.
This should be a real test for her. Someone who never admits to making any mistakes must either admit her mistake or sign the vehicle over to me.
HA HA – Nelson
By the way, it is interesting to see how much Wayzilla’s handwriting and signature has changed over this past year. I don’t even recognize it when I see it now. Has anyone else ever noticed this?
Oh well, what the heck was I thinking? I pulled the letter out of the mail and discarded it. In a year it won't matter anyway and it would only encourage Wayzilla to make icky-pukey-nasty contact. That would cut into my sock drawer reorganization time, plastic fork inventory and other more important efforts. Why bust up a near perfect Post-D Plan B?
I read Lexxy's excellent post directed at Eye's WW and can see Wayzilla's future in so many of her descriptions. It is a terrific post. Sad too.
Sorry for the interruption. Back to the dark side.
Had a great dinner out with DD20 last night. She is doing very well. I bought her a full tank of gas when we were done and I think she was more pleased with that than dinner.
Afterwards I went to help a friend who is entering a spring basketball league with sophomore and freshman girls. I taught them the fundamentals of the motion offense I ran this year with the boys and they were very, very impressive. They picked it up much faster then the boys did and asked a lot of good questions. At the end one girl (a freshman who scored 255 pts on her varsity team!!!) said, “Wow, I wish we had run this. This actually makes sense.” The girls really are smarter than the boys at this stuff. The girls want me to stick around and help coach the team for the league. I probably will.
I decided to go ahead and at least talk to the school that will have the head girl’s coach opening next week. This made several parents there very happy. I doubt they will offer me the job though with only one year of high school experience but it does not hurt to look at the opportunity. I still have my JV boys next year if it does not work out. That boy’s team will probably be very good.
DGS and I took a 6.5-mile hike last Saturday and then got dressed up and went out to a Jazz club. Very fun. At 12:30 we got the trio to play the In Crowd and the last people at the club got into it just like Ramsey Lewis’s original 1966 live recording in DC. It was pretty cool.
The divorce has been final 9-months today. No new Wayzilla sightings. DD has only seen her Mom two times since Christmas. How strange.
The Rat Pack is on the boards today! I spotted Foxy, and guy, and now you. Must be something in the water. Oh well, back to my pipettor tip arranging...
Well just be sure to position the pipettor tip at least 5mm above the Petrifilm plate while dispensing. You don’t want to contact the plate and get a bubble in the viscous sample.
I have really enjoyed the Forgiveness thread this week. I really do want to reach a point someday of reasonable forgiveness so I can at least look back on the best of our 26 year with the appropriate fondness it deserves. Reading everyone’s input truly gives me a tug to try to work harder towards that and how much more complete my self recovery healing will be if I can get there. I do know that I can only go so far as I will never receive any regret or repentance from Wayzilla but it seems a worthy goal. It does not change my current stance however that I am in Plan B for the rest of my life with Wayzilla.
That’s why this place and these people remain important to me still. The personal recovery process after the death of a 26 year marriage is challenging to say the least. I simply would not be doing as well as I am without all the perspectives and collected wisdom here.
DD20 and I had our weekly dinner date the other night and had a great time. We were at the restaurant for over 4-hours talking and laughing. She is doing pretty good and growing up fast now. Again, boys seemed to be the major topic. Yuch. I prefer basketball but what can a mother do?
We touched on the things that were, the things that are and the things that will never be and for a couple minutes she teared up a little. I encouraged her strongly to start contacting her Grandfather (Wayzilla’s dad) who is really getting to the final end of some serious heath issues. I don’t want her to carry any regrets because of her Mother’s immoral choices.
DD has still only seen her mom twice since Christmas and they only talk on the phone every 3-4 days. DD initiates about 5 of every 6 calls made.
On one of those calls recently Wayzilla told DD that she and Gollum are “actively looking” for ranch property down around Mordor Springs. Of course she has no money to purchase such property so I guess she is relying on Gollum to fulfill her life-long fantasy of having horseys and chickens. It still sounds pretty wayward fantasy-like but who knows. I assume giving DD this info was also to indicate that she believes (or wants DD to believe) she and Gollum are long term and certainly implies marriage down the road. Cue the Hindenburg!
Oh, and Wayzilla told DD she was looking into buying an Audi (right, like she can afford an Audi). That made me laugh out loud and DD looked at me funny wondering why. I told her about the survey I read from a German Car magazine that identified Audi as the #1 car (41 %!!!!) owned by the cheating wives who responded. She laughed too and said she would never look at a woman driving an Audi the same again. Oh in case you care, people driving GM products don’t seem to cheat very much according to the survey. Watch out for BMW’s!
Well, I have a Scion tC. Teenagers and midlifers who never got to own a sports car as a teenager own those, but no cheaters, as far as I'm concerned. The car is not expensive, and the one's you've mentioned so far, ARE, so I can't AFFORD to be a cheater, apparently.
On forgiveness, well, I don't know if it's my place to forgive PWC. It IS my place to not dwell, to let go the anger, and to heal. Just my perspective. Every time I define what forgiveness is to me, I see someone asking for it, in my mind, and I don't see PWC doing that, ever.
I sure hope that DD20 and WZ will heal their relationship someday. It's going to be very difficult, to say the least. DD20 witnessed one of her parents being flogged nearly to death by the other, not to mention her own pain over the break up of her family. No matter how old you are, that's gotta hurt. She's got a lot to let go of.
I drive an 11-year old Subaru wagon. Not exactly a chick magnet.
I hear you loud and clear on forgiveness SL. At times its very definition seems to exist in a fog of its own.
But I do feel there are levels of forgiveness. It is going to take a long time but I would like to pursue it at least as a goal. Forgiveness is absolutely not necessary, but I think it will help in personal healing. If not speed it up, at least make it more fulfilling. Hey, all I got is time so why not?
I drive a GMC Sierra, so sounds like I'm a pretty safe bet
On the forgiveness thing, been thinkin alot about it since the divorce is just a few weeks away, mid april sometime
realized I still have a lot of love for her, realize we are 2 completely different people that probably should have never been together, so will probably never be together again
she's been steadily covering herself in tatoos and piercings, which just ain't me, plus she's still with OM2
so no interest in ever getting her back, but have finally found a place I want to be with her
don't think I've fully forgivin her, but I'm really at the point where I see us moving foward seperate but together with DS, not dwelling on the past at all, not tryin to be her friend either, just happy where we've gotten with this mess, it seriously could have been a lot worse
I still see a lot of bumps in the road for some of my Amigos, I wish you all the peace and happyness we all deserve
Hi Chrisner! and all. Betrayed Cajun....that's me! LOL. Geaux Tigers. Mais chere, how come dat?
I don't believe in buying new cars....especially not Audis. I drive and old 'stang...but I can put the top down on gorgeous spring days like we've had this week and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world!
chrisner....I'm so glad you stuck around here....I still just love reading your stuff....I think I've mentioned before that you "missed your calling". You should be a comedy writer. Your wife is crazy for leaving....beauty fades....humor lasts forever. My H was pretty....but I married him because he was funny.
Oh and hey....what do you think about all these new toys?
I'm driving a black Honda mini van and am proud of it!
Chrisner, you're an inspiration on personal recovery and I hope my DD5 grows up to have as good a relationship with as you share with your DD20.
I see myself doing as you do with all three of mine.
Forgiveness is indeed a process, but I've come to understand that forgivness isn't mine to give but that of a higher power. All I can do is as silentlucidity said which is make the conscient choice to just let go of conflict.
It's a good thing to finally get to a point where you know it's better to simply not argue about something that is trivial in the big scheme of things.
Your dissertation on a WW's obsession with sippy cup cleanliness is a good example of the trivial things that one just needs to let go of.
Thanks so much for your contributions to this board.
You've made me laugh a lot since you've come on board.
I almost posted to SL on forgiveness this morning but didn't really have time. Is that the thread you're talking about, or is there some other one I'm also missing?
DD20 is doing great and seems pretty happy right now. I only get to see her about once a week now but that’s the way it goes. She is always up for a free dinner.
I hear I will get a call this week to interview for the girl’s head coach spot at the high school near my house. I guess we will see. Otherwise I am just doing some off-season stuff with my boy’s team and a spring league with a combined group of high school girls. They are 5-0 in the upper division league running the offense my boys ran last season. What fun!
DGS is doing well. She actually got me on the dance floor (a pretty good oldies rock band) a couple weeks ago and no one was injured! Our walks are starting to more resemble hikes now in the 6-7 mile range. That’s been fun. We have been going to a place up in Fort Collins with a real good jazz trio every few weeks.
I put in two new gardens this weekend (groundwork only, it’s too early here to plant) and started a flagstone patio extension to my pond. I will have to borrow DGS’s DS16 sometime soon when I am laying the large flagstone pieces.
The divorce was final 10 months on Sunday. No contact with Wayzilla for 9-1/2 months. DD says she is talking about tattoos again. Oy! DD has only seen her Mom 3-times since Christmas for less than 2 total hours.
The adultery is right around 2-years for the EA so the countdown is on. It was right around this time two years ago she started to withdrawal from me (I thought it was just work) and would later say (Thanksgiving D-Day) she had been unhappy for years. My 27th anniversary would have been May 8th.
Has the thought ever crossed your mind that your W might show up at your door one day, looking dishevelled and ragged, with a story of being imprisoned in a dungeon for the last two years and only then you learn that you've actually been dealing with her evil twin sister this whole time?
Am I the only one who finds such a thought more believable than the craziness we've been subjected to this whole time?
I hear you on anniversaries. I'm actually very pleased that the date for what would have been our 6th anniversary passed and I didn't notice it until much later. It's progress.
I'm glad to know that there are no people dressed as cows named "chrisner" and trying to sneak into my compound. Where is Val Kilmer when you need him?
Great reason for your edit, BTW. That movie was a favorite with aircrew. What's funny is that I remember going through our survival gear and bailout equipment that we were given for our tanker missions and thinking of the scene in that movie where he was going through the stuff in their gear.
Ever see Band of Brothers? I constantly bugged my AC (Aircraft Commander who happened to be one of the most kick a** women I've ever met) if "tonight is the night of nights?" when we were waiting for the war to kick off.
I just recently bumped into a pilot who works on the Joint Staff and it turns out that there is a good chance I refueled him back in '03 when he was flying into Northern Iraq.
We got silly toward the end of the war when "Major Combat opperations were over" and would clear our receivers into contact by saying, "Cleared to contact right meow."
Our last Navy receiver had a "message to relay" and stated, "Message as follows: Mike, echo, oscar, whiskey" as he left to return to the carrier.
In our mission room where the missions were planed, we had a "big board".
Office Space was a popular one to quote all the time as well when someone would mess something up and talk about how "they didn't get the memo".
Glad to know DD is doing well.
Wayzilla is still nuts. I tell ya, nothing looks more attractive on a woman than a big old tattoo of something, especially if it's an older woman.
Makes me think of the creepy old guy or woman who hangs out at dance clubs. Yikes!
I had my interview on Friday afternoon for the girl’s varsity head coach at the high school where DD20 attended and played (they got to the State Elite 8 in her junior year). They had the AD, the Principal, the softball head coach, a player and a parent on the hiring committee. They had narrowed their list down to four candidates to interview and we all were there Friday afternoon. Considering my relative experience I figured I had to hit a solid home run to get considered. When I left it felt more like a double.
But I did my best and felt I got out my most important points about why I should get the job. I went right from the interview to go meet up with DGS to listen to some live music and have dinner. On the way to DGS’s the AD called me and offered me the job. I accepted. What was I thinking? Well I guess it’s going to be another full plate of post adultery/divorce basketball therapy. I have already started getting my spring open gym time going and finding some summer team camp opportunities. I am going to miss that jugheaded bunch of boys I coached last year though.
DD is doing great. She has been seeing the same kid for a few weeks now so that has to be a record. I saw her yesterday and she said she told him he would never meet her mother. She told me the last couple guys she took to dinner to meet Wayzilla got creeped out by the way she acted and how she would occasionally reach across the table and touch their hands. This was news to me. That is creepy. Creepy and gross. Sick, creepy and gross. What did she become?
So, the divorce has been final for 10-1/2 months and we are doing great just like that famous MBer betrayednostradamus said we would.
Wow, what does that say about Wayzilla that her daughter doesn't want her NEAR her boyfriends. Yuck. Sounds like that kid of yours has got a great head on her shoulders.
Sounds like WZ is afraid of grower older to me, with the touchy feely stuff, and the tats and the dancing on bars and whateverfillintheblankedness. EWWWWWWW. I fully understand why DD would want that waaaaay far away from her boyfriends, and not to have WZ's behavior reflect, in any way, back onto DD. YUCKH!
You sound pretty busy, there, Chrisner. I suppose that's a good thing. I'm tired just thinking about the rest of my day. Whew!
PWC has pink eye (I know because he stopped by to fix the internet issue yesterday). After all the dead eyed looks I got the last year, I think his eyes are starting a revolution against him! I kid, it's just conjunctivitis, prolly from DS's pillow or a doorknob, or some new OW (not that there is a poor pathetic soul in that position, YET), or whatever. Maybe it's a tiny matchbox Karma bus.
Terrific news! I'm really glad how the coaching has worked out for you and continues to work. I think it really helps a BS to find something else in their life, and you've found something that 1) you like, and 2) you're great at.
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Still amazes me, how off-track a person will travel and be unwilling to admit they were off-track.
I just talked to DD20. She tried to get a hold of her Grandfather but ended up talking to Grandzilla instead. Got the same old, “You need to get over it with your Mother. Change happens in life and you need to accept it.”
So DD asked Grandzilla, “Well Grandma, when a living tree changes its leaves in autumn, is your solution to cut down the tree or would it be smarter to wait for spring again? Mom chose to cut down the tree.”
*drum riff and cymbal crash*
She did not get a response. Grandzilla probably did not get it.
Basketball is ruling all things now, so that is good. Had dinner with DD on Wednesday and she is doing very well. DGS wants to get me back out on the dance floor this weekend so if you are out and about and don’t wish to be injured avoid Northern Colorado at all cost. It snowed again yesterday here but I hope that is over now.
Happy Birthday to Thread Happy Birthday to Thread The Affair is Still Going But the Marriage is Dead.
One Year Ago Today:
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Thought I would start a new thread so it can be edited again.
Today is our 26th wedding anniversary. I am not expecting to find a card in the mailbox when I get home tonight.
It has not even been 6-months since D-Day. Six months ago I could not have even imagined this and would never have believed it if someone told me I would be here today. There is only 37 days left until the D is final. My marriage is 99.62% over.
I think I will celebrate my anniversary at home by finding more crap to throw out tonight.
DD19 reluctantly agreed to have dinner with Wayzilla Friday night. It was scheduled for 6:00 PM and as usual Wayzilla called DD five minutes after and gave the now standard, “I’m just leaving work now and am running a little late.” She got there about 20 minutes late just as DD was leaving. If improving her relationship with her daughter is high on her list, she has a lot of work to do.
DD stayed less than an hour, ordered the most expensive thing on the menu (lobster) and brought almost all of it home in a box. There’s a nut that did not fall to far from the paternal tree.
Wayzilla proudly showed DD the bikini line tattoo artwork some young yard guy at her company drew just for her (insert puking emoticon). DD just told her, “Mom, you’re 45 years old.”
Mid-life crisis from Hell.
““I just grew up.” – Wayzilla on D-Day
What a Year! It would have been 27 years today. There is only one more “first” to go next month when the divorce has been final for a year.
I think she is still screwing up her courage to pull down her panties and get that Gollum slobbering tattoo. Yuck……once again, the curse of a visual thinker.
I had a meeting with the girl’s high school team yesterday. Great turnout! Last season the program only had 27 players in the entire system. By our count right now nearly 50 are planning on trying out in the fall. Five girls who quit playing at the high school are planning on trying out again. This is very exciting.
I had lunch with DD20 yesterday and she asked what we were doing for Mother’s Day. Last year she got me a Mother’s Day card. What a goof.
Happy M-Day to all the Fightin’ MB Women out there! Special salute to Sis, Bugs Bomb, Cowgirl, Rin and Silent. You are all great Moms!
Chrisner - looks like things are cooking along for you.
I do not hang out much - probably log on once a month. It is neat reading about your daughter, especially having met her and you. What a special girl. With an extra-ordinary father.
That was a wonderful day! (fruits and nuts lunch with special guest Drew Carey.....)
Hope all is well.
Things are good for me. I have found a NEW reason. An old friend, same boat (multi-A X). After her D our friendship took a new turn. An exciting time of life, indeed.
I love your attitude, Chrisner. I have not read much of your thread - but enough to love your attitude.
I agree with ole 2-long. Your daughter is smarter than all of us. (not that I contribute anything to that conglomerate, but 2long is a freaking rocket scientist....)
My background on my work laptop is a pic of DD20, Pep and Drew.
After the party DD and I went to Huntington Beach at your suggestion. I got a pic of DD right at sunset (the best shot I ever took of her) that hangs on the wall at home.
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I have found a NEW reason.
Whoo Hooo!! Congrats!
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An exciting time of life, indeed.
I did not believe anyone who told me how much better I would be from a year ago. But they were all correct. More than they even thought.
Wow, just another example of our ....insert adjective that only Chris could come up with.....relationship!
I haven't heard from my attn yet, but my D should be final today!!
Freaky man
I'll give an update once I get the official word
Sounds like your life's almost perfect. Only thing missing is a trip to the Bud Light ranch, aka the swamp, aka the Big Sleazy, aka the Cajun Olympics, aka the alligator stomp, aka the head suckin tail pinching Capital of the Universe!!
Email me an address where I can send a disc with pics from your trip to assault of Denver.
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I haven't heard from my attn yet, but my D should be final today!!
It's a bittersweet time. You have done well Swamp Thing!
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Only thing missing is a trip to the Bud Light ranch, aka the swamp, aka the Big Sleazy, aka the Cajun Olympics, aka the alligator stomp, aka the head suckin tail pinching Capital of the Universe!!
I want to take care of that missing piece of my education someday soon.
HEY! I worked a week in the Big Easy last month. Crazy place, that. Some of the best food that i have ever put in my mouth. Bourbon street is dangerous.
I move that the fruits and nuts - and the coach and the cajun - meet at Deanies, when we next convene.
My GF's XH dropped some mail in her house when he picked up the boys this morning. GF found some other interesting things in her mail - the OW's bank statements - at HER OLD PO ADDRESS(still his current...). (seems OW is still hiding something from someone...) (her XH and the OW are still going at it...)
How would one forward mail to OW in an effective manner?
Notes of disclosure: ---My GF and her XH lived in a house that his parents owned, across the country road from his parents, next door to his sister and her family. (he still lives there) ---His family is not happy with his decision to continue the A that destroyed his family ---OW works with my GF, and is stirring the mud at work, causing some pain and hurt ---My GF has three boys in the school system where she and OW work ---OW is very demonic and will spit venom with the least provocation
Hey Chrisner, you sound great! Tell your DD 20 hi from me and that she is AMAZING. Too bad she wastes her powerful brain cells on the likes of grandzilla.
FAR! I knew you must be up to something. How great to see you post. I hope this R is going well for you.
Faith - something is definately up. This R is built from the ground up on MB principles. This is my love for a lifetime. Just have a couple of details to work on. (gotta convince the ex to move back to Texas from SoCal. Gonna eliminate spousal support first, then go for full custody and permission to move, if that is what it takes. I bought the book "How Fathers Win Custody" several years ago, and took good notes.)
Wow. I go home, do a couple loads of laundry, dust and vacuum, wash dishes, take out the trash, water the house plants, (I ended up with over 100 cactus after my mother died) move a couple perennials in the garden, come back the next day and find my thread infested with Californians.
Hi Faith! I will tell DD you stopped in. I hope all is well.
I hope everyone had a great Memorial Day weekend. F16’s doing fly-bys for services were refueling Sunday and Monday at the small airport near my house. I love to watch and hear them and they stood as a constant reminder about what this day is about.
Rained on the cookout and was pretty chilly but we still had a great time. DD20, DGS, two sister neighbors, and a friend of DD’s all came over.
Poor DD went to Infidel HOtel on Friday night for a combo Memorial Day/ Idiot BIL’s birthday thing. Wayzilla proudly showed her daughter her new belly button piercing. She has come so far!
During dinner DD told them about a young man and friend she works with that is raising his 18 month old daughter alone. They were not married and when the mom had the kid she ran. So after hearing this Grandzilla gets on her pulpit and starts condemning this young man for his poor morals and values for having a “child out of wedlock!” She told DD that she needs to be careful about the friends she keeps! This with Wayzilla and Idiot BIL sitting at the same table!
DD said she nearly bit her tongue off not to say, “So Grandma, where on the sin-o-meter does having a child out of wedlock fall compared to…..ummmm…..say…..ADULTERY?”
Then Wayzilla starts in about how she and Gollum are having to document everything they do with his 3-year old son because, “The B|tch” is going back to court to get full custody. She calls Gollum’s XBW “The B|tch?”
DD said there was much “tisk-tisking” by the crowd about what a vicious woman she is to be fighting for her son and how awful all this must be for poor Gollum.
DD texted a friend and asked for him to call. When he did she said it was work and they needed her and she ran out of there. She is pretty disgusted with her mom and that family. What a sick sorry bunch. DD says she is done with them but we will see.
The tornadoes were 50 miles north around Fort Collins where DGS lives and ended up destroying 150 homes in Windsor Colorado. Bad stuff. They ran 30 kids out of a daycare center across a street and put them in a bank vault just a minute before the daycare facility was wiped out.
I have been doing open gym with the high school girls team the last couple weeks and we have had a great turnout. Last year they nearly had to disband the Level III team for lack of players. Right now I have 56 names of incoming/returning players and I will only be able to carry around 30 for the 3-teams. A good problem to have.
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And a belly button ring?! Double
She's 46 years old. I really don't know these people at all anymore.
A good friend of mine who is also my varsity assistant coach, had his annual bash at his country club this Saturday night. The view of the front range of the Rockies from the deck is unbelievable and the weather that night was great. DD20, DGS and her DS16 all went and we had a great time. They had a live band, dancing and a first rate margarita bar on the deck. By the way, DGS wore this black dress and heels and was a complete knockout. Unfortunately, DD20 was struggling a little with a swollen neck glad and was having some pain swallowing and an ear ache so she had to leave early.
Unfortunately for the rest of us, when we tried to leave the old POS Subaru decided it wanted to stay the night at the country club parking lot. A friend drove us home which is fortunately quite close.
I went back in the morning and was able to get the car started and home again and promptly got a call from DD20 that she had gone to the ER and was now in severe pain and could barely swallow. I had plans with DGS and her DS16 so I called them to tell them I was headed to the hospital instead and they immediately volunteered to go with.
When we arrived DD20 was in the waiting room with………Grandzilla. Grandzilla visibly lurched when she saw DGS. DGS and DS16 hugged and kissed DD20 and we all sat down around her. I was very polite with Grandzilla and she was great to me but there was no small talk, just shared concern for DD20. Finally Grandzilla introduced herself to DGS and decided that since I was there she would excuse herself and head home. I thanked her and she left.
It was very crowded and all told we were there for nearly 6-hours. And in all that time, although DD20 had called Wayzilla (who was in Mordor Springs with Gollum)at the same time she called me, Wayzilla never called her. I kept thinking the whole time we were there that Wayzilla could be showing up at any time. In the time we were there she could have gotten to the hospital nearly 3-times from Mordor Springs. Oh wait, that’s what a real mother would do.
A couple IV bags, some pain meds, some anti-inflammatory meds, lots of really icky gland probes and swabs, a doc who wanted to “needle” it and 2-1/2 hours on her back and DD was released and greatly relieved. We got her back to her apartment and the weekend was thankfully over.
I checked on her this morning and she was doing well. Then she told me Wayzilla finally called her last night. Her first sentence was not, “How are you darling”, but instead, “So….are you with your Dad……or DGS? How sweet is that? I wonder how fast Grandzilla was calling Wayzilla with the news?
Next question, “Why did you call your Dad?” (Huh, you’re kidding right?) DD told her Mom she had naturally called us both.
Then, “If you had asked me, I would have driven back from Mordor Springs immediately”. She had to be invited to the ER where her daughter was? What a Ho.
So I told DD that the feces was about to impact the rotary oscillator and to expect a sharp increase in calls from her Mom for a few days and the expectation that she now must meet Gollum. DD just reiterated that meeting Gollum is a deal killer.
Waywards are not only stupid but are pretty pathetic parents.
I don't think that she'll use it as an opportunity to do anything other than break your Plan B and spy on you. She probably got a hard dose of reality that you've moved on and didn't like it.
It also hurts when you see your kids be sympathetic or nice or even caring to new person in the parent's life. It is tough on my mom to see us be good with my dad's new wife, but she also understands that she's not OW and is a nice woman. But it still hurts.
Yes, Wayzilla might think this gives her the opening to introduce Gollum. DD20 will never allow it, as you know. I was super strict with my dad as well.
What she did with DD20 is crappy, considering that she should have been there ASAP and as often as possible with DD20 in hospital.
What you've done is shake Wayzilla's reality and her perception that you must be spending your evenings crying at home over losing her instead of moving on with your life. She's also jealous that DD20 has a good relationship with you and currently gets along better with DSG than her own mom.
Simply the consequences of her infidelity, but she can't see that and would rather blame you.
When we arrived DD20 was in the waiting room with………Grandzilla.
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Grandzilla visibly lurched when she saw DGS
How many flies do you think she caught before she closed her dropped jaw?
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I checked on her this morning and she was doing well. Then she told me Wayzilla finally called her last night. Her first sentence was not, “How are you darling”, but instead, “So….are you with your Dad……or DGS? How sweet is that? I wonder how fast Grandzilla was calling Wayzilla with the news?
I THOUGHT I heard something breaking the sound barrier.
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Then, “If you had asked me, I would have driven back from Mordor Springs immediately”. She had to be invited to the ER where her daughter was? What a Ho.
The little brain matter that was left must be seeping out through the hole in her belly button.
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Waywards are not only stupid but are pretty pathetic parents.
Wow! A Cowgirl, a Cajun, a Pilot, a Princess and we all got Peppersprayed!
Thanks for stopping by gang.
I haven’t spoken to Wayzilla in nearly 11 months and still managed to get her panties in a knot! Unlike her dealings with Gollum, I am sure she will not take this laying down.
Beware - she may start poking around the Dark Side of Pluto now.
"WHAT! chris isn't sitting at home alone, pining for me?"
Bab's once told her BH (after the A was discovered) that he would never find someone as good as her. Which I take to mean "I am better than anyone else". Which is how Bab's BH took it too.
The gall, I swear.
WayZ may have just received the SHOCK of her life. You may have found someone better than her. And she just can't believe it.
Bab's once told her BH (after the A was discovered) that he would never find someone as good as her. Which I take to mean "I am better than anyone else". Which is how Bab's BH took it too.
I still envision a baboon with lipstick, red stilettos and fishnet stockings every time you mention her. She's so purrty!
No, I don’t really think she will probe my Plan B but I fear she will be all over DD20 now especially when Grandzilla saw DGS hug and kiss her. Could be a long couple weeks for DD.
You've made sure she has directions to the Dark Side of Pluto, right?
She has clearly seen the lure of the dark side. She just still struggles believing that her mother is still somewhere out there and she will some how reach her again.
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Maybe her panties aren't in a twist....maybe they are stuck on her belly button ring. I hear that can make a person cranky.
Please let me again remind you the pain this inflicts on a visual thinker.
DD20 is fine. I just talked to her and she is much better. Plus she got her $300 government stimulus check today so she is now super fine.
Her Mom called this evening to check on her and asked, “Was you’re Dad angry that I did not come to the hospital?”
Hmmmm…someone feeling a little guilt maybe?
Come on all you schoolbuses out there; when did she ever care about my feelings these past 2-years?
DD did not know how to answer so said she thought I was fine with it. I told her if the unlikely occurrence would happen that she would ask again, the truthful answer is that I was not surprised at all that she did not come.
I also shot the following email to XMIL (Grandzilla):
“XMIL,
Although I know that you and XFIL would have done the same a million times over if needed, I wanted to thank you for meeting DD20 at the hospital on Sunday. I know that the only thing worse then the pain she had, was the fear and uncertainty of being at an ER for the first time in her life. As expected she could count on you.
I did all I could to be there earlier, but my car had stranded me across town the night before and when I first got DD20’s call I was in the middle of getting it home.
Again, thank you, and I know how much DD20 appreciated it.
Please give my best regards to XFIL.
chrisner’s first name, last name.”
I will be eternally grateful that I was a betrayed spouse and not a wayward.
I'm so glad that I do not have a belly button ring; nuff said on that one. I, too, and one of them thar visual thunkers, and it HUUUUUURTS, it HUUUUURTS.
I also have to say how beautifully you handled GrandZ and following up with an email of thanks. Well done, well done.
BC's got to be feeling a disturbance in the force today.
Gosh, could seeing you with someone else have been a bit of a wakeup call?
Hmmm?
I told my mom your story last night and she was pumping her fist with happiness when I told her about your hospital encounter.
She is a BS too, so she understands.
I'm glad to hear DD20 is better. She has a good head on her shoulders. I'm planning on quoting her when I get deposed again. She had some very insightful thoughts a few months ago about the seasons.
Who knew that seeing you with someone else would shake her so much?
Do you think this has been brought on by seeing you with someone else?
No message from Wayzilla?
I still feel that deep down inside waywards see the betrayed as backups if their plans should fail with new OM/OW. Seeing the BS genuinely moving on and doing so in a healthy way may be a bit shocking.
We are the ones who had to rise again from the ashes of betrayal, hurt, crying, and devastation. But like the fires of personal recovery, knowledge of MB and acceptance of it's principles, and the time to heal let the BS rise like a phoenix from the ashes and be a real catch to a potentially new partner.
The wayward? We all know how they normally end up.
Chrisner, you are an inspiration to us on this board and a laugh and a hoot as well. You have made me laugh out loud when I've read your thread. Sorry I borrowed the name Gollum for my purposes. You'd understand if you saw a picture.
There could be something else at work here besides what she feels about you and darkness.
She may actually be second guessing her decisions because of her daughter going to the ER.
So she's now seen her daughter in a very vulnerable position and feels almost like an outsider in what is a personal family situation.
Your daughter is reaching out to you, not her in this crisis and you now come as a pair.
There is a little part of her, however unreasonable, that feels threatened by the relationship between DD20 and DSG.
So now the reality hits. "Gosh, I've disintegrated my family. DD20 will never accept Gollum. She's happy with Chrisner and DSG. She needs me right now and we're not there as a family. The person who did this to us was me. Nevermind. That hurts to much to think about. I can't accept that reality. But then again...."
And so the confusion for her continues.
This may be more about her feelings as a mom than about you.
Your daughter is reaching out to you, not her in this crisis and you now come as a pair.
I dunno about this, Papa. Apparently, DD20 called BOTH of her parents, and only one showed. Just sounds like a bunch of crap to me. WZ chose not to go to her daughter, for whatever reasons. I wouldn't look too deeply into the WHY's. You can speculate til the sun comes up, and probably still not hit on the real reason.
Chrisner's got his plan. DD20 has a different relationship with WZ alltogether, and may need a different approach. It's not easy to lose a mother, even if it's only temporary. It's also not easy approaching your own mother about the damage she is doing to your relationship when all WZ will do is attempt to justify her actions. Poor mothering, to say the least.
This may be more about her feelings as a mom than about you.
You make some good points. And I agree with you about her feeling like an outsider.
Feelings as a mom, for me, are also tied up in my feelings as a wife (mother of HIS children) and feelings of belonging to a FAMILY.
KWIM?
For me, it isn' separated. - or shouldn't be if at all possible.
Because she CHOSE this path and it wasn't forced upon her....I think she is struggling on MANY levels.
Her DD is 20 - she doesn't NEED chrisner to fix her relationship. But she may WANT him to be a part of it. And to help ease her guilt, even after all this time.
Because everybody wants their cake and to eat it, too.
DD20 calls me. I miss the call but she leaves a message. DD20 calls Wayzilla. Wayzilla takes the call. Grandzilla calls DD20. So obviously Wayzilla called Grandzilla. I get my message and call DD20.
Wayzilla finally calls DD20 in the evening and has been informed about DGS from Grandzilla.
Wayzilla must have thought she could get Grandzilla to stand in for her so she did not have to interrupt her knotted/snagged thong lap dance for Gollum down in Mordor Springs. Mmmmmmmm...the cake is sooooo good!
Thus the stupid question Sunday night, “Why did you call your Dad?” It was the perfect plan unless anyone with a brain that was not seeping out their belly button thought about it.
DD ruined everything by her inconceivable decision in a wayward mind to call me and it made her plan go totally wrong and gasp…...reflected poorly on her as a mother. Darn that DD20!
And I agree her current state is not about the relationship between DGS and me, but about the fear of the relationship between DGS and DD20.
I have to agree with this, as you and Papa both stated.
WZ SHOULD be fearful. She's throwing her relationship with her own daughter away. At this point, a cuddly puppy could do a better job at parenting, and comforting DD. Heck, a puppy would be at her beck and call, whereas WZ just can't seem to fit her in between her piercings.
DD20 is wounded and rightly so. It took YEARS for me to mend the relationship with my father and that didn't really happen till he got divorced from OW.
We'd probably still have tension between us if it wasn't for the D.
Yes, that relationship between a child and the other parent's significant other is scary and threatening at first. But the realization comes that the kids still love you regardless BUT that's only if you have a good relationship with them with OP in the picture.
Wayzilla lacks that right now and won't have it acting as she is doing so.
I think you'd be surprised at what they will use an excuse to get their fingertips back on the pulse of the family.
Her own medicine must not have tasted very good. She's been trying to get DD20 to have a relationship with Gollum for a while now. Hearing how she interacted with DGS had to giver her own heart a little PING.
DD20 could have a nice relationship with DGS and a nice relationship with her mother. There doesn't have to be an either/or. WayZ SHOULD be concerned - she was again faced with her failings and having to deal with the consequences of her actions.
If you had separated/divorced under "normal" circumstances, and WayZ conducted herself like you have, DD20 would probably have no problem with Gollum.
While I agree this is much about her relationship with her daughter, don't be a fool and believe she won't try to get to you at the same time.
She hasn't forgotten you and put you in the "memory" box to only take out at will. Your history will ALWAYS be there and will creep back in at times like this.
Fox
ETA: You have yet to reach the two year mark, right? The honeymoon phase of the A is coming to a close. She may be realizing what she is being left with.
It is sad that she did not apologize to DD last night and ask, “Are you angry that I did not come to the hospital?”
Instead she asked, “Is your Dad angry that I did not come to the hospital?”
She had already laid the burden of not being there on DD20 by telling her that she never asked her to come. She never asked me to come either. It was a no brainer. Even with seepage you could figure that out.
So now she has to perform damage control but without ever apologizing or admitting any wrong doing. A difficult task. Unfortunately, both of these things were never part of Wayzilla’s nature.
This was quite a message to DD; ‘My relationship with Gollum and Gollum spawn can not be bothered by your silly trips to the ER. I will send Grandzilla as my representative to these annoyances, and please don’t bring your father into this. It disturbs my happy place when you do that.’
Once again, I am eternally grateful that I am a betrayed spouse and not a wayward.
I have to ask you to please provide the source of your quotes for us ignorant saps that can't quite get the reference. I know I've hear the stuff before, but....just....can't....place it.
I missed that it wasn't Wayzilla at the ER but Grandzilla.
Yes, kid in ER is a no brainer. I drove an hour to see mine when it happened in the middle of the night. No brainer.
Wow. Simply amazing to me.
That makes my thoughts of Wayzilla even worse.
I applaud you for being respectfuly to Wayzilla's family. I do the same on my end but don't get it in return.
Take pride in not stooping to their levels of behavior.
I'm NO Schoolbus either, but WZ's questions are interesting, to say the least. I know when PWC finds someone else, I will be AT LEAST curious about his GF, and her relationship with DS, as well as her relationship with PWC. It's human nature. I won't obsess, or ask questions of DS about GF, because that is inappropriate, but I'll be curious.
ETA: You have yet to reach the two year mark, right? The honeymoon phase of the A is coming to a close. She may be realizing what she is being left with.
Yep. The EA is now at the 2-year mark. She admitted to PA activity starting in November ’06 but I believe it started in the September/October time frame. D-Day anniversary II will be Thanksgiving. I think Gollum’s XBW is still providing them with a common enemy adultery so desperately needs but I think the clock might be winding down.
I remember when Gollum came to work and announced his W was pregnant. He did not look like a happy soon-to-be dad at all. Same was still true when his S was born. He is not that interested in custody. It is probably Wayzilla that is pushing it. Can you say resentment? Sure, I knew you could.
Gollum is trying to get her all "porn star" with piercings and tatoos the way he likes it, and believe me, this is not who she is. Can you say resentment? Sure, I knew you could.
Their company is still struggling while their main competitor is moving into a new facility with twice the capacity. If she loses this job she will not be able to get another one within $10,000 of her current salary and she knows it. Living alone has been far more expensive than she planed. Bulldozers wait on the horizon pointed at her house. Her relationship with her daughter is about as bad as one can get and of course the little glimpses she gets of my life indicate all is well and getting better all the time.
Their company is still struggling while their main competitor is moving into a new facility with twice the capacity. If she loses this job she will not be able to get another one within $10,000 of her current salary and she knows it. Living alone has been far more expensive than she planed. Bulldozers wait on the horizon pointed at her house. Her relationship with her daughter is about as bad as one can get and of course the little glimpses she gets of my life indicate all is well and getting better all the time.
And of course, there is DGS.
Sucks to be a wayward.
I just thought that all beared being repeated, so I pasted away...
It's like watching a train wreck. Yikes!
And with the bunched panties and all, must be soooo uncomfortable.
Hopefully she doesn't have a piercing somewhere ELSE.
Gollum only has to ask. Maybe already has.
His XBW was a very educated, pretty sophisticated woman and I don’t think he had much luck with her getting tramp stamped and pierced. Wayzilla is pathetically doing “whatever it takes” to satisfy her love stallion.
As per Captain Ramius, "Give me a ping, Vasiliwayzilli. One ping only, please."
DD20 is better. The other gland is swollen now too, but the anti-biotics are kicking in pretty good now. It seems to be a pretty stubborn virus though.
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I'm STILL waiting to get on that train."
Yep, we got Bugs and Sis and BC, me and a few other Killer Bees on board now. Unfortunatly, there are plenty of seats on this train.
I still am in total awe that Wayzilla would not stop her lap dance and travel 60 miles to be with her daughter at an emergency room. We all talk about rock bottom but come on, it does not get deeper than the Marianas Trench. And yet she bores deeper.
I see I missed out on quite a bit, but reading a lot of this stuff depresses me. That waywards can go on being waywards and neglect their children and not get it.
It makes me want to bring out the shovel. I'll call it the DON'T YOU GET IT shovel.
Don't You Get It?
Agree on being a BS rather than a wayward. God help them.
Oh, snap, Chrisner, you just quoted one of the BEST movies ever made. FANTASTIC. Sometimes, I wish I could be Charlie B'more. Strap on my ice skates and empty a chamber on some bad guys...
Well, I asked because I wasn't really sure. Even some of the D'd people around are still hoping to recover, so I was just wondering. It sounds like a "no" bit just wanted confirmation. I know how hard it is to let go of a long term M.
Geez,,,,,,,,I've missed out on soooo much great stuff. Seepage, pantie wads, thongs, tats, lap dances, trenches,,,,,,,,,,
I can't believe I can't think of one single great thing to add!!
Wayzilla's gone further down, and who would have thought it possible? There's truly no words to add to the descriptions already given here.
Thank God in Heaven you have such a great head on your shoulders and such a wonderful heart, Chris! DD20 - WOW - a great young woman who has sense enough to see, appreciate, and even deal with this whole sitch with such love & class. You done something good there my friend!!
Hey, I wonder if Wayzilla bought those videos about lap dancing for 'exercise',,,,they supposedly also sell a pole that you can setup in your own living room. Now just how would you essplaain a stripper pole in your living room to your kids???
Originally Posted By: Bugsmom Now just how would you essplaain a stripper pole in your living room to your kids???
I tell DS it's a FIREMANS POLE!!
WOOHOO!!
What really scares me is not that BC has a stripper's pole in his home, it's that I thought the EXACT same thing about what to tell your kids. I really do have the same sick sense of humor BC has. Scary.
Wayzilla called DD20 yesterday and asked her to lunch so they could talk. Taco Bell! But hey, before you laugh remember she is on a pretty fixed budget theses days.
So here is the Bonus Round Question:
A. Wayzilla wanted to sincerely apologize to DD for not coming to the hospital Sunday and promised that she would never again place her own selfish interests above the needs of her daughter.
or
B. Wayzilla told DD20 that it’s time to meet Gollum.
If you answered A, put back on your headphones and keep listening to Puff the Magic Dragon performed by Barney.
If you answered B, Congratulations! You are today’s winners.
And guess who called DD in the middle of lunch without any idea it was going on? That’s right; DGS! DD took the call and I guess that went over like a fart in an airlock (but they were at Taco Bell after all).
Soooo……
Wayzilla: "I think it’s time you met Gollum."
DD: "It’s not going to happen."
Wayzilla: "I wish you would reconsider."
DD: "No, I won’t."
Wayzilla: "I think you would like him."
DD: Starts to get up but her friend she brought along for protection puts his arm around her and sits her back down.
You guys are doing such a good job defending your principles here. I cannot imagine what turmoil DD is suffering. She, too, is suffering from her mother's A, just as a BS would. She has lost a mother, and all that is wrapped up in that relationship. It's sad. ONE teensy tiny good thing is that DD20 is learning how to draw boundaries, and enforce them. It's a shame it has to be her own mom.
Geez, chris, I don't even know how to respond to that. That is just horrible. Poor DD20.
I was sooooo hoping the answer was "a". Back to Puff the Magic Dragon for me, I guess.
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And guess who called DD in the middle of lunch without any idea it was going on? That’s right; DGS!
I bet the look on WayZ's faces was absolutely priceless. Did she know it was DGS.
Them panties had to twist just a little bit tighter.
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DD: Starts to get up but her friend she brought along for protection puts his arm around her and sits her back down.
I'm not sure I like this. WayZ should be fixing the relationship. DDs friend should have been support and walked with her as she made her exit.
I hate to see this going on with DD20. It feels so similar to my DD14, although she doesn't have the power to walk out in the moment.
It's shakes my faith a bit that one day our two waywards will recognize what they have done to their children and take responsibility for it. I HAVE to believe it will one day happen, because it just breaks my heart to think of them losing a parent as surely as though that parent died. I just do not want to believe that this new personality applies to the children for the rest of their lives, too. It just to sad.
Wishing DD20 the best.....and hoping she takes a temperature check on the friend she took for protection. Even a little thing like that feels like a betrayal to me. In that moment, it would have felt like he was taking WayZ's side and disrespecting DD20 by taking the upperhand on whether or not she should leave. Not his call.
He may have been encouraging her to try to work it out and had all the right intentions......but that was disrespectful if you ask me.
He may have been encouraging her to try to work it out and had all the right intentions......but that was disrespectful if you ask me.
I can see it both ways Cowgirl.
He did ask DD afterwards what she was doing. He told her the look that flashed across her face made him think she was going to kill her Mother. Her Mom saw the look too.
On top of that, Wayzilla drove so they had no where to go.
So I asked her last night what was she going to do, and she told me she frankly did not know.
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Did she know it was DGS.
Yep. Wayzilla asked her if it was DGS after the call.
As a side note, Wayzilla told DD that she is up to 103 lbs and needs to lose some more weight. She’s 5’-8” tall! She looked very slim healthy at around 125 lbs. This was her pre-A weight.
I assumed DD20's friend was keeping her from doing something she MAY regret.
I'm not at all surprised, and chose B in the first place. Shows you how cynical I am now, I suppose.
This sort of thing (the affair partners and their BULLSH!TE) is not happening with DS because PWC was not leaving due to an ongoing affair. I suppose I should be grateful? I dunno, this stuff does damage to your kids no matter how HAPPY they seem or profess to be. I know, I was one of those kids.
Oh.... thanks for clarifying. I guess I assumed she was getting up to leave and the friend held her back.
If she was getting up to harm poor little WayZ, it's probably best he brought her to her senses. It's bad enough as it is without it escalating to physical violence.
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As a side note, Wayzilla told DD that she is up to 103 lbs and needs to lose some more weight.
That is just skeletal. Yuck.
She's going to have to pin that belly button ring to a rib if she isn't careful.
That's just not healthy - her pyschological issues are showing up there, I betcha. After d-day, I dropped about 30 pounds. Once my mind was back on track - I didn't keep it all off and it would not have been good if I had.
She's still under a great deal of stress...and it is showing.
I've still got high hopes that she will at least be the mother that she used to be to DD.
I can only offer a suggestion based on my own experience. I don't know if DD20 reads your thread or is willing to hear the suggestions of total strangers.
I wrote my father an email to get my feelings off my chest when I heard he was going to marry his OW.
I told him he was going to pay dearly with his relationship with me in doing so and that I would NEVER go to his home if he did this.
I explained what that woman represented to me. I told anyone and everyone that I could care less if he was with anyone else BUT her. He would try to say that she had found God now and was a good woman. I internally scoffed and was cynical that it was very convenient that she "found Jesus" after destroying my family.
I believe I said this to you before, but I told him that she could suddenly sprout a halo, float on air and start healing cripples and I would still not have anything to do with her.
Waterboarding her is all I could think of doing if I was going to be in her vicinity.
I would suggest to DD20 that she write Wayzilla an email explaining her feelings and letting her know that she will never, no matter what happens, ever accept the presence of that man or be near him in any way. She can accept someone else, but he will never be accepted.
Wayzilla will try to say something about "why do you accept DGS?" and DD20's response is simple: Dad had no choice about what you did to our family. He met DGS after your D and I'm happy for him because she is a good woman.
Gollum is a man who willingly involved himself with a married woman, who happened to be my mom, and contributed to the destruction of my family.
I would tell Wayzilla, in DD20's shoes, that if she intends to repair the realtionship between DD20 and Way, then she needs to know that Gollum's name will never be spoken or mentioned between them in a conversation ever again. If she's unable to do so, then things will remain distant between DD20 and Wayzilla.
I believe saying these things would lift a big burden off DD20 and would set boundaries for Wazilla to observe.
Just my thoughts, after living this scenario myself.
Maybe I'm cynical too these days, but I just don't see any end to this in a very long time. Except for DD, her family has accepted this garbage. Even though you're dark, DD is on your side and they get to sit around and wonder how you've managed to brainwash her, which keeps you the bad guy. Gollum's BW probably isn't being as graceful as you so she's definately still the bad gal. I don't think they're anywhere near rock bottom. Life's moving along for them at the moment.
The real shake up won't happen until the bulldozers show up the same week the company goes under, which will happen to be the same week Gollum loses his a$$ and son in court.
I'm for communicating reality to the waywards, too. I would love for someone to deliver that sledgehammer to the SCQ, but they can't hear it. DD20 could tell Wayzilla the whole bit, but Wayzilla would counter with "Dear, Gollum had nothing to do with the problems your father and I had." And she would believe it. She does believe it.
We all desperately hope for reality to set in, but it's just not going to. Not in any kind of time frame that will be useful for any of us.
Wayzilla may not agree with DD20, if she said what I suggested, but it lets her know where DD20 stands. It helps if DD20 emphasizes "never". It sets boundaries and keeps the uncomfortable topic of meeting Gollum from coming up again. If it is ever brought up again, DD20 simply has to say, "I believe I made my feelings about that very clear. They haven't changed and aren't ever going to change. What else would you like to talk about."
Yep 2long, the D will be final for a year next Friday.
Actually it has been pretty calm for some time now. Most of my updates for the past many months have happily been about basketball and jazz clubs. We are finally crossing the bridge that most of the BS’s have to face much earlier when they have young children; The children meeting/being with the OP.
DD has always held the advantage of her age and having the freedom of making that choice and Wayzilla did not want to push too hard for fear of that choice.
And now, for all intents and purposes, Wayzilla knows her daughter spends time with an OP and does not like it one bit. And as is her nature, she had to even up the odds.
For what it is worth, DD was in a very good mood last night and I think far more comfortable now that all this is out in the open. At times it seems a little scary how adjusted she is to all this.
She set a clear verbal boundary regarding Gollum to her Mother yesterday and I sense she will hold it. She told me that when and if she does anything with her Mother in the future she will always ask, “Will Gollum be there?”
If the answer is YES she won’t go. If the answer is NO she may go. And if the answer is I DON’T KNOW, she will take that as a YES and will not go. And if her Mother lies to her and he is there, she will leave. And Wayzilla knows this.
And she knows if Wayzilla has to choose between Gollum and Gollun spawn and her, she will go with the Mordor crowd. She was clearly shown this Sunday in the ER.
I suspect they will simply fall back into their pattern of the past 16 months of short phone calls every few days and a cheap dinner every few weeks. But I don’t think it will be much longer before Wayzilla starts dropping strong hints on Gollum that she wants a ring. She probably already is. DD and Wayzilla have both drawn their lines in the sand and I do not expect either to budge. If Wayzilla marries Gollum, she will lose her daughter.
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The real shake up won't happen until the bulldozers show up the same week the company goes under, which will happen to be the same week Gollum loses his a$$ and son in court.
Or she catches Gollum rutting in bed with another Hoe. He averages an infidelity every 3-years. He is probably getting the itch by now.
By the way, Grandzilla finally opened my thank you email this morning. I wonder if she will reply? My guess is not.
We all desperately hope for reality to set in, but it's just not going to. Not in any kind of time frame that will be useful for any of us
I, not so desperately these days, do hope that PWC at least recognizes the need to buffer his personal life from his son. I don't expect PWC will be doing this at all, though. I fully expect him to throw caution to the wind when he meets the next love of his life. I expect DS will take a back seat to whatever a new woman in PWC's life would want, even if that means she wants to meet his son and start playing house. I'll be happy if he proves me dead wrong. It would be nice to not be right all the d@mned time, as it's such a heavy burden
I did not see DD20 all weekend so we had a quick dinner last night. She is feeling very well now.
She stopped by Wayzilla’s house/shack/box/thingy yesterday while Wayzilla was at work to pick up some mail that for unknown reasons went there. DD says it is no longer a small shrine to Gollum and Gollum Spawn. It’s more of a temple of worship. Pictures of them both are everywhere. DD now has one picture on her Mom’s dresser but it is set up with a picture of GS that makes the uninformed think they are siblings. DD said that it was creepy and weird like a TV crime show where the police enter the apartment of the stalker/serial killer.
So DD thought as long as she was there she could pick up a couple of the photo albums so I can scan them and then swap them for a couple more when we were done.
She called Wayzilla who told her she probably would not be able to find them.
DD said they are down in the basement closet, she was standing right next to them and all she had to do was bend over and pick a couple up. Wayzilla blew up.
“Don’t touch the photo albums! We will NEGOTIATE that later! You won’t bring them back and they are all that I have left!”
Huh? Negotiate? “All that I have left?”
It got uglier and they hung up on each other. DD said that she is just mean and angry all the time now and is having a hard time being the fake actress to cover it up anymore.
And here I thought she got everything she ever wanted.
“Don’t touch the photo albums! We will NEGOTIATE that later! You won’t bring them back and they are all that I have left!”
Awww, poow baby. All she has left.
You know what I have to say to her little dramatic tyrade. (a la Edena from AbFab) Awwww, squish squish, dahling. Squish squish.
What a bunch of hooey!
I also would like to place my name on the petition for the rolley eye icon. It was one of my favorites, may it rest in peace.
I gotta tell ya, if it were me, standing above MY most precious memories in my mother's basement, I would have told her F-off and taken them anyway. Take ME to court, you crazy old broad! I know, easier said than done.
I can see her now down in her dark basement closet in the middle of the night, cradling her precious photo albums, wearing a twisted thong snagged on her belly button ring, swaying back and forth sobbing, “It's all I have left!! WHHHHhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!”
I can see her now down in her dark basement closet in the middle of the night, cradling her precious photo albums, wearing a twisted thong snagged on her belly button ring, swaying back and forth sobbing, “It's all I have left!! WHHHHhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!”
Shows to go ya that it's the best bridge-burners out there who cling the hardest 2 the last vestiges of char they leave in their wake.
Funny about the basement closet, though!
My dad remarried after my mom died. His new wife wasn't an OW by any means, but she was rather peculiar. It was weird seeing our pics and her kids pics all over her house.
I can imagine it's orders of magni2de stranger when infidelity causes the split.
And here I thought she got everything she ever wanted
As Pep would say, EGG-ZACTLY! I said this to Drac about a year ago. He didn't want DD coming to the Memorial bar-b-que for my nephew. I told him "You have gotten EVERYTHING you wanted. Your 'freedom', your boat, your 4-wheelers, your money, your women. All I am asking is to have DD with me and not at the lake with your 'girlfriend'. DD needs to be with me & my family right now. Isn't it enough that you've gotten everything you wanted?"
And you know what, it's NEVER enough. It will never BE enough. Not until they face what's broken inside them and take steps to fix that first.
The worst part is that our DD's are the ones that will continue suffer the most as a result of their wayward, selfish ways.
The good news is that you have done an amazing self recovery. You have a great support in DGS. You are a GREAT dad. DD20 has a great head on her shoulders. YOU 2 will be just fine.
Meanwhile, the bulldozers are warming up to cut that path to make way for the Karma bus arrival!
I agree 100% that your DD should set clear boundaries with her mother and also tells her if she feels that her mother has neglected her, for example that day in the ER. A letter is good, easier to keep in mind than a conversation.
But I feel uncomfortable when an adult refers to a small child as "spawn". Is that really necessary? The boy did not choose this and he is probably also hurt by the affair. Your DD is old enough to understand what is happening and she can choose not to be a part of it but I don't think the boy has a chance.
Hi Why. You’re right. It is insensitive and I apologize to all who may have been offended.
Well I am officially done with all of the “firsts”. The divorce has been final for one year today. Did that ever go by fast! There is no particular reflection or anything, just another day in the life of an old single guy.
The Jimmy Hoffa Plan B continues in blissful peace. Wayzilla must have thought better of it and snuck back out of the perimeter wire. No more pings. She does not seem to have much need for DD20 either since DD told her she will not meet Gollum. Outside of ranting at her over the photo albums, they have not spoken.
I have a basketball camp all next week and the following week we take 2-teams up to the U of Wyoming for team camp. Each team will play at least 10-games. DD will coach the B-team. It should be fun and I get to spend four full days with DD.
I won’t get to see DD this weekend however so we went to lunch yesterday and she gave me her Father’s Day card and bought me this little tiny iPod Shuffle thingy. If a fifty cent piece were a rectangle, that’s how small this thing is. Now if I can figure it out, I can load it up with several hours of jazz and classical. Well and Santana, Springsteen, Chicago, War, Tower of Power, Grateful Dead….. ummm….and more.
I put the Father’s Day card next to the Mother’s Day card she got me on my Grandmother’s buffet.
I put the Father’s Day card next to the Mother’s Day card she got me on my Grandmother’s buffet.
Your daughter just continues to amaze me. I think the quote above says clearly what she feels about you. Wayzilla's an idiot to throw away such a treasure.
Thanks all for checking in. A few months ago I would have figured that this would be a depressing day but it really does not seem to have any impact at all. Strange.
Princess and the Pep: Thanks for the kind words about DD. She has been my rock for the last 18 months. I am a very lucky father.
Thanks as always SL, Pom and my Cajun brother.
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HEY HEY WHAT ABOUT ME? I'm healthier than I was before
It’s all the exercise you get from chasing this d@mn train Rin.
2long: That Martian popping thing is cool, but I kind of like the fart finger pen on the same page you linked. Very classy! I bet Beau buys one when he sees it.
My neighbor two doors up was found dead in his home yesterday evening. When I arrived home from work there were paramedics, fireman and several police parked everywhere. The paramedics and fireman left without taking anyone, the police stayed outside the house and soon a forensic investigator arrived. You could tell that the situation was worst case when the investigator put on gloves and a respirator before entering the house.
He had an accident at work several months ago and was still recovering. The forensic investigator asked me a few questions about Mike and the coroner wagon arrived shortly after. The last time I saw him was two weeks ago. I asked how he was doing and he said he was getting much better.
I have known Mike for nearly 15 years. It was one of those typical neighbor relationships comprised mostly of greetings called out across the lawns. We talked occasionally but in truth I had never been in his house and I don’t know his last name. But from what I knew of him, he really was a great guy, a friend to fury critters everywhere and I always felt if I needed help he would be there.
I called DD20 and told her. She cried a little as she has known Mike since she was DD5 and he was always very sweet to her.
I have thought of Mike often over the past 18 months as our situation was looking quite similar. We are both divorced single guys who now fall in the “reduced life expectancy” category label that goes with divorced single guys. I am guessing Mike was in his late 50’s maybe early 60’s.
I remember him dating a woman for a brief time when we first moved in but he has been totally alone now for well over ten years. I don’t obsess on it but I often have the thought that I could very well have the same fate. And of all my fears of this situation the thought of dying at home alone and it taking days before anyone even knows has been at the top of the list. And this is exactly what happened to Mike.
I wonder if he had not been alone when whatever crisis struck him if he could have been saved?
Anyhow, I bought tickets for DD and me to go to Minnesota at the end of August. We will finally be taking my Mother’s ashes back to the original family farm. Mom had the greatest times of her life there particularly with her own Mother who died when Mom was only 12.
With the remainder of our time we will hit the state fair and of course DD’s Wonderland, the Mall of the Northern Hemisphere.
I'm sorry for your loss and the pain that is being brought up over it. But maybe this is a way for you to look at what is happening in your life and seek guidance on if you need to tweak your path a little.
I don't believe you will die alone unless you choose to be alone. Will there be another "someone" in your life, I don't know that either, only G-d does.
But if you want it, you can pray for it. Remember there are woman out there like me, who are loving, caring and want what you want. They just have to be free and you have to be open to meeting them.
I'm so sorry 2 hear about your neighbor. I had one of those "over the fence" neighbors many years ago who was a joy 2 converse with. Had a great outlook on life. I remember he developed a cough that was misdiagnosed, and died just a month later.
Chris, with your family and friends, you'll never really be alone, even if they're not with you at a given moment.
And even when you are alone, I doubt you're lonely.
Sorry to hear the news big guy.. I know it's got to hit home when something like that happens a few doors down.
It's not just dying alone that bothers me these days.. it's stuff even smaller than that, like.. what if I fall off the roof hanging Christmas lights or fixing the siding?
What if I fall down the stairs and break my back?
That's some pretty tough stuff to think about as you're climbing a ladder to re-attach some siding to the house.. and you know what? I think it breeds just a little more resentment towards the STBX...
Don't know how to help that out, but Queenie is right in one respect.. at your stage in the game bro, being alone is a choice. Maybe it's the right one for now (though I do seem to remember either you or BC mentioning a lady friend..).. but you get to choose when it's the right time in your life to open that door, and if it is God's will for you, the RIGHT woman will come walking through.
Chin up man.. you didn't wake up on the obits page this morning. That's a good start to the day.
This alone deal. Don't you communicate with your children or people in your life everyday? Wouldn't those people notice if you weren't around for one day?
Then I really understood that you could fall and no one would be around at that moment which could save your life.
But then the other reality is, your spouse could have been on a trip and the same thing would happen and you would be alone.
So, maybe we can think of a way other than a man or lady friend to reassure you of this in the event something happens.
Sorry to hear about your neighbor, Chrisner. HE may have chosen to be alone. It doesn't sound like that is what you want, so I don't believe you will suffer a similar fate.
I worry about the 'little' things, like James spoke of. Since the whole neck thing, I worry about falling and breaking my neck. Never really concerned me before.
I suppose being thrust into the position of being alone by the waywards is yet another offense to deal with.
(((Chrisner)))
added...
I agree with Queenie, too. I talk to my dad on the regular. He has never even dated since my mom died in 1999. He also had a heart attack some years back, and has never really taken care of himself since. He drinks too much, eats way too much and isn't active. There is nothing I can do for him. He has to do it for himself. This is his choice.
I'm pretty sure you have already chosen to build an even better relationship with your daughter, with a new lady, and within your community. it will be noticed if you are absent.
I don’t obsess on it but I often have the thought that I could very well have the same fate. And of all my fears of this situation the thought of dying at home alone and it taking days before anyone even knows has been at the top of the list. And this is exactly what happened to Mike.
I can promise you that this will not happen to you. You don't have the personality for it.
If DGS doesn't snatch you up for the rest of your days, there are MANY women who would love that honor.
Enjoy Minnesota, chris. MY mom is on her way there the end of this month - she's contemplating moving there.
That's some pretty tough stuff to think about as you're climbing a ladder to re-attach some siding to the house.. and you know what? I think it breeds just a little more resentment towards the STBX...
Yep. I have done some projects over the past year at home that with 15 seconds of another pair of hands would be no big deal. Instead I find myself doing some pretty wacky (think Rube Goldberg)and on occasion risky "solutions" to offset the lack of support. Just another Wayward gift.
Ladders and rooftops never bothered me in the slightest. Now there is always a pause and a concern.
Stupid Waywards.
Thanks for the thoughts all. Like I said, I am not obsessing a future like Mike’s, but there are always those thoughts that creep in.
Married again? Now that is a thought that has NEVER crept in.
I don't know. I am sure that time will change that but right now it's like trying to see the bottom of the Marianas Trench from the surface of the ocean.
This may be the worst wound suffered from Wayzilla's betrayal.
I don't know. I am sure that time will change that but right now it's like trying to see the bottom of the Marianas Trench from the surface of the ocean.
I don't know. I am sure that time will change that but right now it's like trying to see the bottom of the Marianas Trench from the surface of the ocean.
Sorry to hear about your loss. I have had similar thoughts about being alone. I fear that the people who would notice my absence would take a few days to do so. Suddenly, "Pom didn't show to pick up his kids!"
Or, "there's a funky smell coming from his place!"
I have had BP problems since my ex walloped me over the head with the news that she wanted a D. Trying to run and lose weight to control it, but it's still high, even on meds.
It's been a gift that keeps on giving.
This week I had my own re-enforcement of the frailty of my genes. My uncle on my dad's side suddenly died after going into diabetic shock, having his BP run out of control, and then having a heart attack. He was a young guy.
My dad flew down to Nicaragua and I really felt for him. It wasn't an uncle I knew well, but I can imagine how I'd feel if I had to bury my brother.
But there is a positive to our solitude. We're not with someone just to be with someone. I find people who can't be alone to be sad creatures setting themselves up for more heartache in the future as they shack up with anyone that comes along. Needy people attract other needy people.
I think we all know exes who decide to end the marriage, then jump in with someone else. When that doesn't work, or they go through a couple of samples, they finally shack up with someone rather than face the consequences of the end of the marriage they destroyed.
It's certainly easier to lose oneself in someone else and convince yourself it's better than anything you had with the ex, but that's simply fooling yourself.
I personally miss the good parts of being married. Not the ex, but the comfort and warmth of having someone in your life who put their arm around you at night.
I don't miss it enough to start dating toothless frumpy women with a drinking problem and 30 tattoos. I'd rather wait for the right one and one who will be crazy enough to deal with a difficult ex and the challenge of 3 young kids.
So keep fighting the good fight, Chris.
Any news from Wayzilla?
BTW, my ex printed out my posts to your thread and has submitted them as evidence in my custody case. Evidence of what is beyond me.
She didn't particularly care for my opinion that waywards are evil and selfish creatures. I was talking about them in general, but I guess she took it personal.
I'm sure I'll be getting questioned about how the waywards are on the mother ship and have brains scrambled and my theories about how aliens are abducting loving spouses and conducting brain experiments.
I think you'd find it funny that Darth WHNACG asked me to elaborate on Plan B.
I'm sure he expected me to say, "I'm taking the kids and running to Nicaragua!"
He instead got a full lecture on the MB principles, Plan A, Plan B, and the efforts one must go through as a betrayed spouse to shield oneself from the abuse of a wayward.
I should have added that you have had one of the greatest Plan Bs in the history of MB.
Then again, you may be holed up in a cabin in the mountains of Colorado with DD20, your dog, a shotgun, and a CB radio while guarding Jimmy Hoffa and communicating with the dark side of Pluto with the protectors who feed you the truth about the mothership.
BTW, my ex printed out my posts to your thread and has submitted them as evidence in my custody case. Evidence of what is beyond me.
Huh? You gotta be kidding.
My thread has mostly been about thongs, belly button rings, tatoos, woodchippers, Zulus, Monty Python skits, K-Bars, runaway truck ramps, peeing off mountains, meat on-a-stick, Drew Cary, basketball, movie reviews, gummi banana slugs, eating, drinking and dancing.
What I miss?
I am sure the court will be very impressed with my thread.
Lawdy, lawdy. It can only get worse now, if he thinks he could be playing to an audience..
I leave this message to say I was here, catching up on many months worth of brother's posts. I didn't hear about the single ping phone call, btw, brother. Very interesting.
~his sister
"Chewing gum helps me think" "Sweetie, you're wasting your gum"
Ah yes the "ping". Still not sure what to think of that one. Maybe a mistake. I have nearly accidentally called her a couple times by scrolling to fast through my phone address list. Maybe???
But it happened the day after she found out about DGS. Hmmmmm….
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It can only get worse now, if he thinks he could be playing to an audience..
I can't even imagine what it must be like when you and chris get together. Creating laughter must run in the family.
Fox
Oh, we are a non-stop hoot, alright. Daintier souls dare not walk between us when the savage black scandanavian sarcasm ('at's what passes for humor round here) starts to get really honed after some warm-up and a few fingers of bourbon. They would be lacerated to the bone and have to be taken away on gurneys..
" Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask 'Does anyone remember me?' Then a voice comes to me out of the dark and says 'Sure, Frank, we remember you' "
(No, he need never fear dying alone and forgotten. I will always think of Frank)
Ah yes the "ping". Still not sure what to think of that one. Maybe a mistake. I have nearly accidentally called her a couple times by scrolling to fast through my phone address list. Maybe???
But it happened the day after she found out about DGS. Hmmmmm….
They say (Freud said) there are no accidents, only synchronicity. But Freud never had a cell phone, either- hmmmmm..
My vote goes to accidentally synchronicitous. Someone said it might happen again. If it does, then maybe you'd know better.
Hey, I just got a new tarot deck today in the mail, just hardly two hours ago, not even shuffled it yet, let's give it an outing right here n now.. *absent for some minutes whilst consulting the pretty pictures*
La Lune. She gave in to a moment of doubt and uncertainty, then changed again quickly. She is pretty much lost in illusion.
I would say it was an on-purpose call. It's as valid a way to theorize as any, from where we stand. So. For what it's worth.
You are very strange but I love you because you're my sister descended from a long line of outlandish Scandinavian comedians.
What I have heard is that there is no such thing as Scandanavian humor. I know some Lena and Ole jokes, and Victor Borge makes me snort milk out my nose, but that's all I'm aware of. Whaddya mean, strange?
How hard would it be, do ya think, to make a punch-bowl drowning tragedy look accidental?
With planning it could be done. I think however the 1,500 stab wounds with the Swedish meatball hors douvers toothpicks might tip the police to foul play.
How hard would it be, do ya think, to make a punch-bowl drowning tragedy look accidental?
With planning it could be done. I think however the 1,500 stab wounds with the Swedish meatball hors douvers toothpicks might tip the police to foul play.
Ah. Right you are. So much to think about & remember.
Wow. It took a few minutes to find the old thread.
DD20 and I leave for Minnesota tonight with my Mother’s ashes. Hopefully this will help give DD a little peace with things. She has been struggling badly about her Mother the past month or so. My Mother’s unexpected passing and Wayzilla’s adultery are unfortunately linked in time. Maybe this will help set them apart for DD.
So while I am scrambling around the house last night watering plants and yards, doing laundry and packing, who should call on my cell; Wayzilla. What a happy surprise. I did not answer and she left a message.
This is only the third time in over thirteen months that she has tried to make contact (four if you count the “ping” in June).
An email about not being to get a hold of DD two days before the Thanksgiving 1st anniversary of D-Day. No response.
An email wishing me a happy birthday in December. No response.
And now on the eve of DD and I returning to with Mom’s ashes to Minnesota, (a trip that Wayzilla and I made perhaps a dozen times during our marriage), she leaves a voice mail expressing her motherly concern that DD has been using too much of her savings in recent weeks and just wanted me to have a “heads up.” And of course it will receive NO response. It’s interesting timing on these contact attempts though.
I assume this was another check to see if I am out there and if I will talk to her. (Insert War’s Why Can’t We Be Friends?) This certainly would have been a simple email. It was hardly a crisis. Strange she gambled on a call instead. It was odd hearing her voice after more than a year. I could hardly recognize it.
The adultery is well over 2-years now so it is probably losing the chemical driven luster it once had. Reality is certainly setting in by now. Maybe she is starting to notice that Gollum’s head looks like it had been caught in some heavy machinery at some time and the surgeon who attempted repairs was drunk. Maybe Gollum is starting to get tired of hearing her suck on the inside of her lips when she’s in the car. Or…….maybe everything is fine in Mordor. It really does not matter.
Well, off to Minnesota, the state fair, Lake Superior, and of course, DD's favorite, The Mall of the Northern Hemisphere.
Oh, and I finally found out the details regarding my neighbor’s death. I won’t post it here. Stephen King would have been proud to write what happened in that house as terrific horror fiction. Unfortunatly it was real.
I was thinking of you last night, chris, and was going to dig up your post.
I wondered if something "happened" with WayZ. We all tend to get quiet when there is movement on the wayward front.
Well, except me, because I'm a blabber mouth.
I really feel for DD20. Waywards are STOOPID. I'm sure she would be thrilled to know that WayZ is looking in her accounts and tattling on her to you.
It could be much worse for DD20, though. Thank goodness she has such a great father. She should start calling you "The Rock", seems Duane Johnson doesnt' want that title anymore.
Have a nice trip to Minnesota. Although honoring the deceased can be heartwrenching, it can induce a flood of GOOD memories. Move further back then the time of her death.
Bring her back for a short while and include the good memories of WayZ, too. DD20's foundation is shaken. Let her know that it was not a farce. Her mother DID and DOES love her. It's a defect in WayZ that has brought her to where she is, not a defect in DD20.
You da man, chrisner. Not just any many, a GOOD man.
I must have missed something somewhere because I didn't know your mother unexpectedly passed.
My condolences.
DD20 will struggle with Wayzillas actions.
It took me years to get past my father's actions. Many years.
It really didn't get any better until the marriage to OW fell apart. Only time in my life I ever supported infidelity. Rooted my dad on to give her her own medicine.
I proceeded to kick his butt once that was over, however, and the 3 kids lectured him to stop being an idiot and be faithful if he was going to marry again.
But we get along well now and talk regularly. But that took about 5 years to happen.
DD20 remembers her mother, who was your W. She doesn't recognize or like or understand the stranger that has taken her place.
Aloha, Amigo. I wish you safe passage on your journey, and hope that your DD gets SOME sort of closure from the ceremonies with grandmother's ashes; you as well.
Don't forget the rule; if you are gone longer than three days, you have to bring something back for everybody else to enjoy.
Not so strange... maybe she thought that you'd be more willing to talk to her in the wake of your mother's passing. Like, you're more emotionally vulnerable now and might just crack and take the call.
I think Chris may have already left, so I'll clear up some possible confusion. Chris is just going to spread his Mother's ashes. She died a few years ago in the midst of Wayzilla's affair. I think D-day was shortly after.
Oh, and I finally found out the details regarding my neighbor’s death. I won’t post it here. Stephen King would have been proud to write what happened in that house as terrific horror fiction. Unfortunatly it was real.
Whoa! You need to post a little more, or a least of link. That is WAY to much of a tease.
LG
Prayers for your mother...
My fathers ashes rest on a shelf in my brothers basement. Nobody much cares what happens to them. Harsh. I know.
Mall of the Northern Hemisphere? Take a ride on the rollercoaster for me! THAT's my favorite thing at the mall!
Seriously, I hope that this trip and the final destination for Mother's ashes brings peace and some closure to both you and DD20. A time to remember the wonderful things about the woman you loved and will never forget. Share some stories with each other about her & celebrate her life.
As for the WayZ - there's no doubt she knew this was the eve of your trip. Glad you didn't answer. She had a pretty lame excuse. Although, even a VM can be a bit of a trigger. Let sleeping (or even awakened) DOGS lie in that dept - I know you will.
Travel safe my friend,,,,,,,,,,,oh and definately give us a link or something about the neighbor!!
DD20 and I hiked about 3 miles to the high falls on the Baptism River on the North Shore of Lake Superior with my Mother’s ashes. We found a nice spot just above the falls and released the ashes into the river. We did not really talk but it was pretty emotional. All DD said was, “Well, she’s home now.”
My Mother collected little frog sculptures and DD and I both selected one to bring along. I found a little hole in the rocks above high water where we released the ashes and we put the frogs there to watch over the spot. They are pretty protected in the rocks so they may be there for a few years. And wouldn’t you know it, but the little eddying pool we released the ashes in was occupied by a real little Leopard Frog.
It was quite an experience to be there with DD. We have never been closer.
Did the fair, did the mall and visited with my favorite cousin and his wife. It was a very good trip. It was a little reflective heading home. With DD beginning her adult life we realized that we can never be sure when we will ever do the trip again. It was a trip we took with WxW every two or three years through DD’s life. I thought we always would. Now……well, who knows.
I talked to BC Friday night from the North Shore. He boarded up the house and went to Mississippi with his son to stay with his brother. He expected roof and fence damage. Houma sounds like it was hit hard. That's where BC's Momma is. I have not been able to get a hold of him yet. I will keep trying.
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Mall of the Northern Hemisphere? Take a ride on the rollercoaster for me! THAT's my favorite thing at the mall!
Hey Bugs Bomb. The rollercoaster was shut down. The park is no longer Camp Snoopy. It now has some tie to Nickelodeon and their strange characters. Camp SpongeBob? He ain’t no Snoopy. It is all painted in that nasty orange and green Nickelodeon pastel color now. Bleech. The pond and streams are gone. Lucy could punch the lights out of Dora the Explorer.
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Whoa! You need to post a little more, or a least of link. That is WAY to much of a tease.
Hey LG. There is no link I am aware of. I will give you a few details and you can let your imagination wander.
His time of death was estimated at 2-weeks prior to discovery. This was about the last time I had seen him in his driveway. Denver was in the midst of the longest stretch of 90+ degree days in its history. A few of these days broke 100 and two made it to 104 degrees. The back sliding door to the house was open. Critters came and critters went. The remains were quite....ummmm....spread out. After discovery, animal control took away eight feral and vicious cats and all had to be destroyed. All the furniture, carpeting, curtains, cabinets and much of the drywall was impacted and gutted from the house. It’s going to be a tough sell.
Why can't you go back with DD20?. Someday, SHE might have some grandkiddies for you to introduce to the UP.
About your neighbor....
That is really awful to hear. From your original post, it hinted that maybe there was some foul play involved. However, it was somewhat worse, I guess. I will let you delete the para if you want.
As for this:
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The back sliding door to the house was open. Critters came and critters went.
Sounds like an appropriate treatment for unrepentant waywards....
I just talked to BC. He is headed back home now. Neighbors told him things looked okay at his place. Houma is another matter. His Mom was with him in Mississippi but they can't return until Friday. She also heard that her home looks pretty good with just some minor damage. No word from Rin and how her house fared.
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SHE might have some grandkiddies for you to introduce to the UP
Wow, I never thought I would look forward to that but I think I am starting to. Thanks LG.
SHE might have some grandkiddies for you to introduce to the UP
Wow, I never thought I would look forward to that but I think I am starting to. Thanks LG. [/quote]
Aw heck Chrisner, grandbabies open up a whole nother world of possibilities and they are SUCH fun. The love of nature is a great legacy for granddaddy to pass on.
Aw heck Chrisner, grandbabies open up a whole nother world of possibilities and they are SUCH fun.
Whoa! Stop the train folks. I still need to get her through college and into a real world job first. Oh yeah, and that little marriage detail thingy. We got plenty of time.
Wayzilla left her a nasty voice mail right after she tried to get a hold of me last week. She demanded DD call her back so they could discuss her finances and budget IN PERSON! Just one more love buster. DD deleted it and never called her. They have not spoken, or have attempted to contact each other since. I suspect the two of them are about to enter a period of darkness. Wayzilla needs to pull her head out of her [censored] soon. None of this was in her great master plan. Sucks to be an adulteress.
She demanded DD call her back so they could discuss her finances and budget IN PERSON!
Yipes!! Did she really expect a DEMAND to work?
Not my business and don't feel obligated to answer if you don't want to, but how come WayZ still has access to see DD20's accounts?
At some point DD20 has to be left to be a responsible adult on her own.
I was married and had two kids by the time I was 20. Totally not recommending that, but the parents have to let the kids sink or swim on their own eventually.
Not my business and don't feel obligated to answer if you don't want to, but how come WayZ still has access to see DD20's accounts?
Originally it was for convenience as we both had decreed obligations to DD. We all bank at the same place so when she has needed money for books and tuition and other stuff we can just transfer it online into her accounts. Obviously We have access to hers but not each others. This actually has worked great for me and I don’t spy on DD’s accounts but is clearly a problem for Wayzilla. And although she did not mind the arrangement in the past DD is starting to resent it now for obvious reasons. The original plan was to remove ourselves from these accounts when she turned 21. That’s 4-1/2 months from now. Now….well I guess we will see.
I suspect the two of them are about to enter a period of darkness. Wayzilla needs to pull her head out of her [censored] soon. None of this was in her great master plan. Sucks to be an adulteress.
First, I'm glad you had such a great trip. It did my heart good to read about the closeness you had with DD.
Second,
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Wayzilla needs to pull her head out of her [censored] soon. None of this was in her great master plan. Sucks to be an adulteress
WayZ is getting smacked a bit with reality, but is standing there stomping her foot in definace because it's not HER master plan.
Too bad, not sad.
I'm just sorry for DD20. With only 4 1/2 months to go to 21 it may be ok to wait,,,but why couldn't she simply close the account and open another? She can still give you access, but not the WayZ.
I can only imagine what DD20 is feeling. Even at her age, there is a level of innocence that is lost during all of this, a naivte that you cannot get back. I wanna sock WZ in the gut
Definitely had that “Fall is in the air” smell and feeling this morning. Best time of the year. And………
Basketball finally started again last night. We are having open gyms sessions for the girls and are having a pretty good turn out. It is so great to be back in the gym. We now have 64 girls on our contact list but will only have room for 30-32 on the 3-teams. This will be one of the first years in the history of the high school that cuts will be made to finalize the teams. Two years ago they barely were able to field a third level team due to lack of participation. It’s a good problem to have but it is always tough to cut kids. Try outs are only 63 days away.
When we took over the team back in May, our total budget was (-$400). I owed the school! We are now have over $8,000 dollars in the budget and the kids have not yet started any fund raisers. A few weeks ago when my assistant and I got together all we could talk about was money. Now we can talk about basketball again. Beer tastes better when you are talking basketball.
DD20 is doing great. She got a new job offer today that she will probably take. She is excited for the basketball to get going too. School is going well too. She still has a tough day now and again about her Mother (they have not seen each other since June) but she seems mostly happy. Our trip to Minnesota had considerable healing effect I think. We got together Monday night for dinner and to watch the Viking game. The game looked like a rerun from the past couple years. Same old Vikes. It’s good that you can count on some things never changing.
I have been getting a little stupid buying outdoor decorations for Halloween. There is some really goofy cool stuff available now. Wayzilla was big on that but of course she took everything with her. My front yard is entirely a perennial garden and by October 31st it resembles the Adam’s Family yard. It’s a great yard for Halloween. Fun stuff. I keep looking at one of those fog machines. I worked with a guy a few years ago that made a long plywood haunted tunnel the kids had to go into to get to the front door. His whole family helped out. It was pretty cool.
DGS is a Special Ed teacher for a small school district up North and they are having their high school homecoming next Friday. She has to chaperone the homecoming dance so I have been asked to my first homecoming dance ever!! What ever will I wear!
I went to the open house of the new facility of the main competitor of Gollum and Wayzilla’s company the other day. They are probably all piddling in their panties at Gollum and Wayzilla’s place and well should be. This place is a Karma Bus dream come true!
I put the flag out this morning before coming to work. Hard to believe it has been seven years.
Well, it was a very good summer and I think will be an even better Fall. Maybe not so much for Wayzilla. Cheers to all the fightin MBers.
I love reading your updates. It such a powerful testimony to the personal recovery goal for those that end up on the D Line, that despite everything we've gone through or may still be going through, a full, happy life is possible.
I absolutely love hearing about your coaching and DD's successes in her young life. You two are incredible.
I'm so sorry to hear about having your flag stolen! I can't express how angry that kind of disrespect for others and for our country makes me!
Sounds like you have some busy days & weeks ahead of you with the teams. Those kids are so lucky to have you as their coach.
So, what's the line on your making the playoffs this year??
It such a powerful testimony to the personal recovery goal for those that end up on the D Line, that despite everything we've gone through or may still be going through, a full, happy life is possible.
Hey Bugs Bomb. Thanks for the compliment but believe me I still have my days. I still occasionally find myself driving to and from work, composing and singing little jingles with rhyming words for Ho, slut, b!tch, skank, and a few other less polite phrases. But………it really is getting better every day!
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I'm so sorry to hear about having your flag stolen!
Who the heck would tear down and steal an American flag on 9/11? Weird.
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So, what's the line on your making the playoffs this year??
I go to a local basketball web forum occasionally,(they hang naked upside down by their feet in trees flinging feces at each other just like we do here) and let’s just say that nobody is expecting much from us this year. I had my first news reporter call the other day with a couple questions too. That was strange.
Hey Bugs Bomb. Thanks for the compliment but believe me I still have my days. I still occasionally find myself driving to and from work, composing and singing little jingles with rhyming words for Ho, slut, b!tch, skank, and a few other less polite phrases. But………it really is getting better every day!
You do this too? I thought it was just me. Afterall, Chris, it's been x amount of time for you. Shouldn't you just be over it by now?
Yep, they are not exactly love song ballads are they? My favorite tunes to create lyrics for are Beat Farmer’s Happy Boy and Camptown Races. I have made a few classics. Well, you know….if you like dripping sarcastic tone poems, heavily laced with profanity and graphic sexual references.....umm......some people don’t. Happy Boy has a particularly useful and versatile chorus for these purposes.
Originally Posted by Pom
Chris, it's been x amount of time for you. Shouldn't you just be over it by now?
Yep, and I am trying to get there just as fast as I can! But overall, things are going great.
Yep, and I am trying to get there just as fast as I can! But overall, things are going great.
I think a few tunes dedicated to the stupidity of the wayward here and there is doing pretty darn well. Beats the heck out of non-stop thoughts any day.
Chris, if you didn't have an occassional tune trigger in your head I might wonder about you more.
There is no set timeline or deadline for being 'there'. In one way or another, the fact is the infidelity will always be a part of our history. Nothing will change that. As long as one is moving forward, I think that is what counts.
That is great about your b-ball team. Next we'll be hearing of you coaching the WNBA!
I feel for DD20. Her and DD15 are so alike in this aspect. I'm sure hope, though, by the time DD15 is 20, she and her dad will have a renewed their relationship. I fully expect Babs to be out of the picture by then.
DD15 seems mostly happy, too. She keeps a stiff upper lip mostly, but I know she's hurting.
Most of the time, I just want to bust WxH in the chops for being so uncaring with is DDs. Wouldn't do a darn thing, though, he has to WANT to or it doesn't mean anything.
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I have been getting a little stupid buying outdoor decorations for Halloween. There is some really goofy cool stuff available now. Wayzilla was big on that but of course she took everything with her. My front yard is entirely a perennial garden and by October 31st it resembles the Adam’s Family yard.
How cool! We live too far out to bother doing alot of decorations. We do some inside and that is about it.
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DGS is a Special Ed teacher for a small school district up North and they are having their high school homecoming next Friday. She has to chaperone the homecoming dance so I have been asked to my first homecoming dance ever!! What ever will I wear!
Why, GODDESS WEAR, of course. Chin up, chest out, my friend.
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Well, it was a very good summer and I think will be an even better Fall.
I concur!
I can't believe someone stole your flag on 9/11. That's just wrong.
You are a major success in many ways. Keep up the good work.
Hi Cowgirl! I have not been here since last week and I find you have tied balloons to all our threads.
Originally Posted by cowgirl
So.......tell all of us wallflowers how homecoming went.
It was fun. The high school only has around 350 kids in it. The town has a single stop light at the main street crossroad. I can not believe what some of these young girls are allowed to walk out of the house wearing. Amazing and scary. Mostly scary.
We went to the homecoming game Friday night and they won in a furious and improbable 4th quarter rally. The entire town was there cheering like it was the Super Bowl. DGS supervised the freshman class’s homecoming float and they won the Best Float award during the halftime ceremonies, so she was pretty pumped. They had a 4-block homecoming parade that Friday afternoon again attended by the whole town. All the town businesses closed for the 15 minutes it took.
Pretty cool. Small town America.
Sunday, DGS and I planted her car in old town Fort Collins and then walked 6 miles from her house to get it along the Pouder River trail. Fort Collins is a very nice and pretty city. We had margaritas at the Rio (they limit you to 3 and it’s a good idea), shopped a little, watched a little football and drove home. Nice time.
Originally Posted by cowgirl
Did you pick her up in a LIMO?
We took her Volkswagen Bug. The Subaru needed a wash.
Not much else to say. Work is good right now. Basketball is starting to pick up and become real now. Only 6 weeks to tryouts and then my calendar will be booked until March. I took a quick call from a prep sports reporter a few days ago. It reminded me to get prepared when I get more calls in a few weeks. I have a few prepared notes in my wallet now so I don’t sound too stupid.
I hopefully will get to see DD20 at open gym tomorrow and we can grab a quick dinner afterward. She seems to be doing okay. I sense there is something up but she has not shared anything with me yet. We’ll see. With school, work and her boyfriend, I don’t get to see her as much as I would like. All part of letting go I guess. I will get to see her a lot once basketball gets going and I am looking forward to that.
No news at all about Wayzilla. She has not done anything to see DD since early June and the Taco Bell incident. She has not tried at all. I got my phone bill for last month yesterday. There were 14 calls between them during the billing period. DD initiated 13 of them.
SL - Believer was at your homecoming dance? Wow, she gets around
We love ya, B!!!
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Hi Cowgirl! I have not been here since last week and I find you have tied balloons to all our threads.
Yeah, well, school has come to a screeching halt for a couple of days. The laptops with AutoCAD are being used by the architects. As soon as one comes back, I'll have to hit the books again.
And, besides, I missed my amigos.
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I can not believe what some of these young girls are allowed to walk out of the house wearing.
I hear that.
On a very RARE occasion, I let DD14 wear pre-ripped jeans to school. It is the first time I have ever let her buy jeans that come from the store already torn. Every time I see them on her I tell her she looks homeless. Kindly, of course.
At least they cover her bod, though. Some of the "clothes" you see at school/dances/games, etc can't even really be considered clothes.
Yikes.
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Pretty cool. Small town America.
Awesome. I love how the whole town gets involved and supports their kids. It really DOES take a village to raise a child.
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We took her Volkswagen Bug. The Subaru needed a wash.
You don't want to show those young bucks up, anyway. They'd probably toilet paper it for you.
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I took a quick call from a prep sports reporter a few days ago. It reminded me to get prepared when I get more calls in a few weeks. I have a few prepared notes in my wallet now so I don’t sound too stupid.
I think you could probably talk circles around them, chris, if your "stupidity" around here is any indication.
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I hopefully will get to see DD20 at open gym tomorrow and we can grab a quick dinner afterward. She seems to be doing okay. I sense there is something up but she has not shared anything with me yet.
In due time, Dad. If she can call you to commiserate about cramps, I doubt there is much else she couldn't talk to you about. Since she had cramps, it can't be the OTHER thing that happens if you DON'T have cramps for a month or two.
She'll get her thoughts in order, get a grasp on her own feelings and then find you. She knows you are there.
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No news at all about Wayzilla. She has not done anything to see DD since early June and the Taco Bell incident. She has not tried at all.
What a waste.
And one I certainly empathize with. DD15 made an effort on WxH's birthday in early September. Nothing between them since.
I hopefully will get to see DD20 at open gym tomorrow and we can grab a quick dinner afterward. She seems to be doing okay. I sense there is something up but she has not shared anything with me yet.
In due time, Dad. If she can call you to commiserate about cramps, I doubt there is much else she couldn't talk to you about. Since she had cramps, it can't be the OTHER thing that happens if you DON'T have cramps for a month or two.
She'll get her thoughts in order, get a grasp on her own feelings and then find you. She knows you are there.
Hey Cowgirl!
Another good turnout at open gym last night. All four coaches and the stats keeper were there. The kids are working hard. DD20 and our Level 3 coach who just finished her collegiate basketball career got on the floor to run with the kids in some full court drills and scrimmages. I thought they both were going to die.
We all went to dinner afterwards and had some great hoop talks.
I got to talk to DD for a little bit about how she is doing. There is definitely an underlying sadness to her and clearly a great deal of that is her mom. We only talked about her mom for a minute but there is nothing new there. They have only seen each other once since May. One time in 5-months! I really can’t believe it. She was once a very good and loving mother. And now she has abandoned her only child completely.
Does Wayzilla expect DD to support her? Is she making demands?
Not that I am aware of. Wayzilla did demand a meeting in person with DD the week we took my Mother’s ashes to Minnesota regarding DD’s savings account and spending habits. DD did not return that message.
Then Wayzilla made the first attempt at voice contact with me leaving a voice message on the same topic. It was the first I had heard her voice in 13-months. Obviously this was not an emergency topic and I did not call her back. I have however talked to DD and have encouraged her to keep a written budget and try to stick to it. It seems to be working.
I guess when they talked a few days later Wayzilla did not even bring the money up.
Things have clearly gone downhill since Wayzilla did not come to see DD at the ER and then responded to finding out about DGS by requesting DD meet Gollum. DD’s stern decline on that great opportunity is no doubt a major cause of this further freeze.
Originally Posted by PomPilot
Is this absence in seeing DD20 self imposed or is it DD20 not wanting to see her?
I think it’s both. They are both very stubborn and hard headed.
Originally Posted by PomPilot
Wayzilla still with Gollum?
I assume so, but the last I heard Wayzilla was down in Mordor Springs was over a month ago. Evidently on the few occasions Wayzilla and DD talk on the phone, Wayzilla’s life and happenings are never discussed.
This adultery may survive. It may even become an affairage some day but I think that is unlikely. There is too much damage in their wake to make it work. But, who knows?
Originally Posted by PomPilot
I know you're probably in the dark about most stuff.
I am, and thankfully further in the dark each day.
They have only seen each other once since May. One time in 5-months! I really can’t believe it. She was once a very good and loving mother. And now she has abandoned her only child completely.
Adultery sucks.
I just don't get stuff like this. I just don't get what goes through people's heads.
I can't believe it's Bball time again already. Sounds like another outstanding year ahead. Get those reporter quotes ready - - maybe watch Bull Durham again for some pointers!
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Wayzilla’s life and happenings are never discussed.
This really got me. It's both good and sad all at the same time. While I'm glad DD20 isn't forced to discuss the details of Wayzilla's AffairLife, it breaks my heart that the WayZ is so self absorbed that the HUGE RED FLAGescapes her notice.
How does any Mother think that it's ok that you can't share the details of your life with your daughter??!!!
Hello??!! McFly??!!!
Sorry for the mini rant on your thread, but D@MN it makes me angry. Just like when DSS said "Why can't everyone just stop talking about Dad & the Ho? It's their PRIVATE lives" When you have kids and flaunt your affair, what do you expect?
Ok, rant over.
I know I'm way behind, but I have to say I am thrilled your first Homecoming dance went so well. Did you sneak behind the bleachers? Are you already making plans for the Prom?? You have to post a picture on the photo thread!!
I really just wanted to compliment you - I'm amazed to see the growth that you have achieved while in total darkness! You are one of my Plan B heros!
While I'm glad DD20 isn't forced to discuss the details of Wayzilla's AffairLife, it breaks my heart that the WayZ is so self absorbed that the HUGE RED FLAG escapes her notice.
How does any Mother think that it's ok that you can't share the details of your life with your daughter??!!!
This is a little interesting. I would think if life in Mordor Springs was ever so happy she would try to drop that info on DD once in a while. I would think famously happy people would do that. But I guess she never says anything at all.
However, DD is also very good at heading off a topic she does not want to hear by changing the subject instantly. It is a tried and true technique for her. So maybe Wayzilla tries but DD won’t hear of it. That would be pretty tough too if a child does not want to know anything about your life. Either way, Wayzilla loses.
For my part, I would just like to see the adultery die for the sake of DD and Gollum’s BxW. I can’t imagine how she feels with Wayzilla having an active role in her 3-year old son’s life. Although with many here having to live that same horror I at least have a clue. All I want is Wayzilla out of that poor woman’s life and to pull her head out of her [censored] about her own daughter.
If it were not for those two, I really don’t care if Wayzilla and Gollum spend the rest of their lives together in misery spreading genital pus boils back and forth. Go for it.
Their adultery is basically just a passively interesting science project now. How long will it last? What causes the end? Will the CDC have to become involved? How far is her fall?
But there is a pretty good chance I will never hear a thing about it. And that’s fine too.
Otherwise I am very content in my desire to never speak to her again. There will be unavoidable times when I will be at least forced into the same proximity as her (basketball games this year with DD coaching), but even then I do not have to look at her or speak to her.
Originally Posted by bugs bunny
Have a great weekend!
You too Bugs Bomb. I don't post much to you because I have no real advice for you....but.....think about the Jimmy Hoffa Plan B from the far Side of Pluto. It works.
There is an open phone system cabinet in my office that plays me gentle white noise all day long. By the end of the day my IQ is down 20 points, my drool cup is full and I can hear my dead relatives speaking to me in ancient Etruscan. And I understand them.
26 Days until tryouts. The kids are working hard. Softball and volleyball end this week so I should be seeing a lot more kids the next 3-weeks. I can see a lot of improvement even in the weakest players. This will be fun.
I am going to see DGS this weekend in Fort Collins. The weather is supposed to be fantastic so we are planning to take a couple long trail walks again. A couple weeks ago we put in 12 miles. We are going to try to up it this weekend.
We will probably swing by an outdoor gun range if we can squeeze it in too. She is very interested in experiencing shooting for the first time. I am not sure she will take to it but what the heck, you never know until you try.
DD20 is doing pretty good. I wish I saw her more but we do talk every day. She tried to sneak in to visit XFIL last Saturday for his birthday but when the rest of the hillbillies heard about it they piled on. Wayzilla was there but fortunately no Gollum.
They ended up at Bulldozer Barn for a little while and Wayzilla and XFIL (he is an architect and a structural engineer) wandered around talking about knocking out a wall and expanding her tiny kitchen. DD said she wanted to offer that they should wait for the bulldozers to take out the wall for them but decided against it.
DD said every house on Wayzilla’s block is for sale but hers. What a fool. Add an addition onto a worthless 50 year old house in a downturn neighborhood during a major housing and economic crisis when said same house is on the cities map in a scrape zone? Brilliant!!
But I am sure it is just more fantasy. Just like her new Audi, the ranch property in southern Colorado with Gollum, their own auto glass company in Mordor Springs, her furniture refinishing business and on and on.
Oh well, have a great weekend all you fighting MBers.
We will probably swing by an outdoor gun range if we can squeeze it in too.
This reminds me that SL and I were going to open up a Tranquility Spa and Shooting Range for Victims of Infidelity. I'd forgotten about that.
I think in the interim I made the subconscious decision that it wasn't a good idea. I'm a pragmatist. I can't help but acknowledge that the lives of my children would be vastly improved if POSOM no longer existed. I'm a completely nonviolent person, though.
I've been assistant coaching the fall baseball games, and it's such a blast. I'm sure the tryouts can't get here soon enough for you. Enjoy.
Met with an old customer of mine from Wayzilla’s and Gollum’s company today. He told me that they are laying off over there and that the corporate headquarters in Michigan is letting go of 80-100 people. The other truck equipment house in town is destroying them.
Then he told me Gollum left a couple weeks ago and has bought a western wear store in Mordor Springs. I looked it up online and sure enough there was Gollum’s ugly mug surrounded by racks of cowboy hats in a local news article.
The guy that sold him the store made the comment that he finally got tired of being there 6-days a week for the past 40 years. Sounds like fun.
So I guess if Wayzilla is going to keep her man she is going to have to get on down to Mordor Springs and become a western wear associate. Nice career move.
Of course since he is alone 5-nights a week now he may not really want that. But I am sure she can trust him. What kind of shenanigans could he get into?
I wonder what he will look for in qualifications for western wear associates? He seems to have a taste for brunettes.
And what to do with bulldozer barn? There is already a glut of unsold houses on her street. Decisions, decisions.
The 2nd anniversary of D-Day is Thanksgiving. Gotta love the holidays!!
Just got a call from DD20.868. Her Mom called her and she described the conversation as “extremely bizarre”.
I said, “What’s new about that?”
DD replied, “No Dad, far more bizarre than usual.”
The point of the call was to tell DD that XFIL is in the hospital again with some kind of intestinal bleeding. Now bear in mind this is a man who has a medication controlled, 15-year old brain tumor with tendrils in such sensitive places that further surgery was not possible, has had two open heart triple bypass surgeries and nearly a dozen angioplasty procedures. He needs a priest following his every step.
DD asked multiple times what hospital he was in but Wayzilla never answered her. She told DD he went in yesterday but DD would not answer her phone or take her message. I looked at the online phone bill and there were no calls from Wayzilla yesterday. Huh?
Then Wayzilla told her she had to have DD’s class schedule for next semesters right now for her insurance. DD told her she does not even register for classes until late November – early December so she had no such information to provide. So Wayzilla said, “You need to get it to me right now!” Huh? Doesn’t compliance require a time machine? Huh?
Then Wayzilla asked her if she got paid yet for a dog-sitting gig she did for a friend (former friend to me) this past weekend. This is the friend who as a realtor got Wayzilla the incredible deal for Bulldozer Barn. What a great friend!
DD said, “No, I have not talked to her or received anything.”
So Wayzilla says, “Well have your Dad talk to her, I know they are in communication.” Huh?
I told DD I have not spoken to that woman in 5-6 years. Huh?
Well, I told DD to call her Grandmother right away to get the scoop and if any of them call until he is home answer immediately because she may have to get to the hospital pretty quick. She is going to do that.
But hey, what’s up with WayZ? I think she needs more aluminum foil on her antenna.
She's trying to send a probe to the dark side of Pluto and using the only means she can. She's attempting a gravity assist through DD20.
That is an absolutely bizarre conversation. What insurance is WZ covering that she needs college records?
I don't recall ever sending my parents any records for them to claim me as a student on their insurance.
Is it health insurance? Can you cover DD20?
DD20 should just go ahead and say, "Mom, what the heck is going on and why are you acting so weird?"
Perhaps not all is cozy in Mordor Springs and the fog is lifting a little. The question about you talking to another woman was probably an attempt to find out if you are seeing another woman.
Speaking of which:
How are things with DGS?
Here's a more personal question? Do you feel you waited a good amount of time before dating again and have you healed enough to allow your feelings for DGS to grow or be there?
I ask since you're roughly in the same time scale that I'm in in terms of healing.
The big difference between you and I is that you don't have to speak to WZ at all about DD since she's grown up. I unfortunately still have to hear her voice now and then although now I'm blessed with the fact that I don't have to see her unless I choose to, which so far has been never.
Waywards are bizarre. But it sounds to me like the fog is lifting some and there is some regret creeping in for WZ.
Did I ever tell you that you have a terrific daughter?
Thanks LG I like her too.
Originally Posted by LG2
Something serious is up in Mordor Springs. Or the Bulldozer Barn. Frantic Actions are ususally precipitated by bad news.
I am thinking that might be the case. So what do we know?
- Her company is laying off and in real trouble. - Gollum will be chained to his new store 6-days a week forever. - At this time, she does not see him at all during the week. - Her plan is to be with him. Forever. Soul mates. - Is that his plan too? - If she goes to Mordor Springs she will lose her daughter for good. - She can’t trust Gollum alone in Mordor Springs. - What will she do with Bulldozer Barn? - Can she get a job in Mordor Springs? Work in the store? How much of a paycut? - What about insurance? Vacation? 401K’s? Holidays? - What’s he doing tonight? - Why didn’t he answer the phone? That’s what I did when…… - Now Dad is in the hospital again. - Oh, and the famous 2-years is this Thanksgiving.
Sounds like fog horns a-blazin to me.
Originally Posted by LG3
How was your weekend jaunt with the DGS?
We had a nice quiet weekend around my neighborhood last weekend. The weather on Saturday was great so we sat on the back patio and took in some fall sunshine, watched birds, read books and had a couple glasses of Merlot. She went to Penn State so guess what game we watched Saturday night?
We couldn’t take a walk this weekend as she had a banged up a toe but we look good for next weekend and the weather is supposed to still be unseasonably nice.
Originally Posted by Pom Pilot
Do you feel you waited a good amount of time before dating again and have you healed enough to allow your feelings for DGS to grow or be there?
We are taking it pretty slow overall. I never thought I would meet someone so quickly. At this point we both really like what we have. It’s working for me but I guess I would always recommend the party line of waiting for a couple years to others.
Just curious Chris.. is this really a new development, or has she been growing increasingly paranoid/delusional as the A went on?
I've read through the sitch enough (mostly to catch on to the inside jokes amigo..) that it seems to me like it's been a gradual descent.. possibly this latest larger step exaggerated by the fact that there's been little contact at all..
And of course the added stress of XFIL's newest emergency..
Not that I expect you to be over analyzing it.. especially as clear as you are of that madness.. but call it a curiosity... like studying great apes in the wild or something..
At the risk of triggering the desire to clean your sidearm in the living room wearing boxer shorts.. I think your DD is fantastic.. She's truly going to turn into an amazing woman.. and it's obvious that she's no doubt a magnificent source of pride for you.. well deserved from my vantage point.
I hope DD13 grows into being at least half as strong and confident as she seems.
Glad to hear you and DGS are getting on well.. I've been having thoughts myself like POM here.. about when, or how I'll know I'm ready to move on.. sounds like you've got a good handle on things.. your swagger and confidence shines through bro.. and it's pretty cool to watch from this distance.
Hi Chris, I'm just dropping by to say that it seems like you are doing fine.
I am sorry to hear that XFIL is in hospital. Is this a serious one for him? That could explain why Wayzilla behaved unusually weird yesterday. I could easily dial the wrong number and get everything messed up if my dad would be terminally ill.
It must be difficult for your DD to deal with all this. But is it for you to contemplate Wayzilla’s behavior while you are in plan B?
I know that but then maybe he should let go of Wazilla and clear her out of his thoughts.
I am in the middle of a divorce and I know that if I am going to move on I have to get rid of the constant thought of my STXWH and his doings. I can't spend my time and energy wondering what he is up to.
I know that is how my mind works, take it for what it's worth.
We have always known that these things would end bad for the waywards. We tried to help them. We tried to spare them from the worst of the terrible endings, but they were beyond help.
Now all you can do is try to attempt to protect yourself and DD from as much collateral damage as possible.
I am sorry to hear that XFIL is in hospital. Is this a serious one for him?
DD told me this morning that he will be released to go home today so I guess this episode is not too serious. I still don’t know exactly what was wrong other then some kind of intestinal bleeding.
Originally Posted by Why Us
But is it for you to contemplate Wayzilla’s behavior while you are in plan B?
By the book? Nope. When DD called yesterday baffled about the call with her Mom, I should have put my fingers in my ears and chanted, “Lalalalalala, I can’t hear you, lalalalalala.”
But my post divorce Plan B has nothing to do with wanting to recover any relationship with Wayzilla for me. I hope that DD and her Mother can fix things someday but the adultery will have to die before DD will allow that to happen. So I root for its death.
The best way for me to assist in the death of this adultery is to never communicate with her by any means again. It really has not been very difficult. I will never take away a single brick from her pallet of guilt she carries.
I don’t feel I am in a particularly bad place in my personal recovery. In fact, with work, basketball, DD and DGS, I am feeling pretty darn good.
I have never gone to counseling, never took any anti-depressants, experience no particular triggers and have reclaimed every restaurant, day trip and meaningful vacations of the marriage.
Maybe I would be a little further along if I never let any knowledge of Wayzilla’s life find me but at this point it’s like seeing a train heading for the washed out bridge over the canyon; whose not going to watch that?
It's tough to be completely dark when kids are in the picture. You always learn a little something about what your ex is doing.
Regardless of how we feel about the ex, they were a significant part of our lives.
You see, I don't remember the ex I dealt with when she went wayward. I remember the good woman I married and the one who I had very intense experiences with such as the mad runs to the hospitals when labor kicked in and seeing our daughter walk for the first time. These are the memories that we carry with us regardless of how we feel about our exes now. So while it doesn't do us any good to spend too much mental energy on their happenings, we are naturally curious. It diminishes over time, but we don't just cover our ears and go "lalalalala" when someone speaks about them because the shells that are walking around now and who are strangers to us once contained the character and person we fell in love with. So that good person is in there somewhere. We're no longer waiting for them in terms of restoring our love for that person, but I can't say that it would be bad for that good person to emerge someday.
In Chris's case, I'm sure he very much wishes that the good mother DD20 once had would re-emerge if only to help seal the hole in DD20's heart over the loss of her mother.
This is probably a sentiment many of us carry with us who have been unable to save our marriages. We'd like to know that there is a decent human being beneath the shell of the person who has spewed venom at you the last few years.
Wayzilla will wake up one day with her blinders off and see how much she's destroyed. Chris won't necessarily want her back, but I'm sure he'd be happy to see that fog lift as far as having the woman he was once proud to have as the mother of his daughter re-emerge and restore her relationship with his daughter.
I think all of us who have been betrayed would like to know that somewhere inside that stranger we've been dealing with that simply looks like the spouses we knew is a person who would turn to you and simply say, "I'm sorry I hurt you."
Some people have been lucky enough to get that, which has gone a long way towards helping them heal.
Many of us have had to learn to move on without ever hearing it.
So you may very well be thinking "good riddance" right now, but someday you may wonder what ever happened to the man you were married to and you hope he pulls his head out enough to at least be good with his kids and perhaps decent to you as far as an apology is concerned.
Chris, you can tell me if I have my head up my butt and got this all wrong.
Geez Pom, you make it all sound so nice and noble.
For me, if were not in the best interests of DD20.871, Gollum’s BxW and their DD3 to have the adultery collapse, I would be very happy to see Wayzilla and Gollum living miserably in a tar paper shack exchanging genital pus boils well into their 80’s until the CDC sets a one mile quarantine perimeter around them with orders to shoot to kill any diseased creature that tries to escape while waiting for the Air Force's napalm strike.
I think all of us who have been betrayed would like to know that somewhere inside that stranger we've been dealing with that simply looks like the spouses we knew is a person who would turn to you and simply say, "I'm sorry I hurt you."
Read that in high school French class. What a tragedy...
This girl ain't waitin for no wayward to get their assterectomy in order to move along. What a waste of spare time and energy. If they come around, so be it, otherwise, you are wastin' your precious time...
As usual, you make me laugh. But notice that in your own words you said that if it wasn't for DD you'd like the alternative.
Kids do add that wildcard and I have to say that if kids weren't in the picture I'd be living in Cali and enjoying life with a very different woman that is on another planet compared to my ex in every way and not even having a second thought about anything regarding the cheater that turned her back on her vows.
But alas there are 3 little ones in the equation and she is their mother, so I have to keep some level of hope that there is a decent human being somewhere inside that wayward exterior. I have to keep that hope for the kids and unfortunately have to have contact with her for a very long time to come.
But your way of putting things is much funnier.
I'd be very happy to fly that jet for the napalm strike.
One week to tryouts! Looks like we will be somewhere around 45 girls trying out for 30 spots. We have been running hard in our pre-season camp and have convinced a few kids that this ain’t their game. It’s getting pretty exciting but the 13 hour days are catching up with me. We have the night off tonight because in spite of having a beautiful auditorium in the school, they chose to have a concert in the ……gym. ????
Oh well, I can finally do some desperately needed housework this evening. I can see myself already; pushing the vacuum with my right hand, bourbon in the left.
Last night as we were out in the hall waiting for the boys to finish their camp I started taping a couple girl’s ankles. After taping a couple players I turn around and there is this tiny cheerleader standing there asking if I could tape her ankle too because the trainer was out. I said sure and she jumps up on the table sans shoe and socks. I kid you not, I could have put her in one of those fly tying clamp thingys with the magnifying glass. It was like taping a parakeet’s ankle. Do parakeets have ankles? I’m not sure cheerleaders do.
We got a big doom and gloom memo from the CEO about the trying times ahead and the drastic actions that will be required. Funny, 2-1/2 years ago this would have kept me up all night worrying. Now it’s just another possible bump in the road. We’ll see.
DD20.893 is doing good. Starting next week I will get to see her just about every day. I can’t wait.
All Quiet on the Wayzilla Front….. Annnnnnnnd That’s The Way - uh huh uh huh - I Like It - uh huh uh huh.
Oh well, I can finally do some desperately needed housework this evening. I can see myself already; pushing the vacuum with my right hand, bourbon in the left.
Please don't wear the apron, the neighbors might see.....
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DD20.893 is doing good. Starting next week I will get to see her just about every day. I can’t wait
This is so cool, that you guys share a passion. I'm so proudayou.
WayZilla who? Isn't she extinct yet?
Always glad to see an update from ya, coach. Have a sip swig of bourbon for me, wouldya?
Please don't wear the apron, the neighbors might see.....
Hey Cowgirl, I am a cleaning machine. During Plan A, when if anything I was going over the top at household chores, I rigged up a caddy on the back of the vacuum that could carry my feather duster, Pledge can and dusting rags.
I enter a room armed to the teeth for dust bunnies, dust the room from high to low, Pledge the wood surfaces and vacuum up.
All I need now is a cup holder for a bourbon tumbler.
Don't worry, I don't have an apron. But I have to do a couple loads of laundry as well so I may not have pants on. I'll close the curtains.
Hey Cowgirl, I am a cleaning machine. During Plan A, when if anything I was going over the top at household chores, I rigged up a caddy on the back of the vacuum that could carry my feather duster, Pledge can and dusting rags.
I enter a room armed to the teeth for dust bunnies, dust the room from high to low, Pledge the wood surfaces and vacuum up.
Would you like my address?
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Don't worry, I don't have an apron. But I have to do a couple loads of laundry as well so I may not have pants on.
You can have mine, just be sure you keep your underoos on while cleaning...
UNDEROOS!!! The underwear that's fun to wear!!
I had Superman underoos as a kid.. and mom has blackmail photos of me getting ready to leap to my death from the back of the couch with a red blanket tied around my neck for effect..
Interesting contrast though to the speedo years.
Chris.. I'm going to need the blueprints for your cleaning caddy. I've been defiling a toolbelt with my housecleaning gear, which I'm sure violates some kind of man-law.. though it does have a clip for my Boilermaker Beer Coolie.. or a spillproof scotch 'cup'.. which again, I'm sure violates some rule... but functional for all-day cleaning.
Well, I have a girl’s basketball team. God help me.
Actually I have 3-teams, varsity, JV (DD20.912s) and a level 3 team.
The coaches were out until 11:00 PM selecting and placing the 30 survivors. We had to cut a few kids of course and that always sucks. I’m tired.
Varsity is sooooooooooooo young. Only one senior and two juniors. The rest are sophomores and we probably will move a freshman guard up in a few weeks. She is a fine player but she is not ready for varsity size, strength and speed. But hopefully she adapts quick.
Real practice starts tonight. I get to see DD again. That will be fun.
Everything else is going well. I got on a big but mindlessly tedious project at work so that will occupy a few days.
I reminded DD that her Mother’s birthday is next Friday. She was not thrilled. That will be the two year anniversary of when I finally woke up and realized there was a big ‘ol stinky fluid swapping adultery in my life. The 23rd is DD +2. It was Thanksgiving Day in 2006.
DD has been invited to Thanksgiving at Grandzilla’s and says she will probably go. She says if Gollum is there she is walking out and never returning.
She has not spoken to Wayzilla in November. The phone bill says she has tried to contact Wayzilla 9 times (5 times in one day last Thursday) including a call to her work and has not received a single return. She does not leave messages but obviously Wayzilla’s phone displays to her that DD called.
What a ho.
Well a few more brain cells to kill on my project and I’m off to practice.
Your lineup is about the same as my senior year of baseball. We stunk, but 2 years later they made a run for the state title. I'm sure ya'll will win plenty of games anyway, but man, the next couple of years to come should be spectacular.
Enjoy it Coach!
and as for as Wayzilla is concerned. Don't be too hard on her, I'm sure the phone reception sucks underneath the karma bus. :RollieEyes:
I started looking for my thread 5-6 pages back and couldn’t find it. I thought the moderators finally had enough of me. Then I see I had visitors.
All is well. I have had a couple of “Woe is Me Blah Days” probably due to the anniversary of D-Day+2. DD20.945 has been feeling the same. But we’re cool. Thanksgiving will never quite be the same.
Like I said on your thread, after a two week blackout Wayzilla suddenly became interested in her daughter again and started answering the phone and even returning calls. Wayzilla started saying things like, “I miss you.” “I need to see you more.” “All I want for my birthday and Christmas is to spend time with you.” “I have some big decisions to make soon.”
Sumpin’s up.
So DD leaves practice early to have dinner with her Mother and the XILs last Friday night for Wayzilla’s birthday. They are only at the restaurant for 1-1/2 and the new and improved “I need to see you more.” Wayzilla takes a call on her cell and spends 40-minutes outside the restaurant in hushed tones. What an idiot.
After dinner they go back to Bulldozer Barn for cake. Wayzilla keeps dropping little hints that change is coming around January 1st. Then Wayzilla and the Grandzillas decide it would be nice to talk about Gollum. DD stood up, wished them a nice evening and left.
I guess we will see what’s going on the next few weeks. I do think her job is really getting very shaky now. She needs Gollum to be her White Knight. We’ll see. Gollum is no Galahad.
Basketball is going well. Very draining! We have scrimmages against some highly ranked teams on Saturday and I think that will be a wake up call for varsity. The JV is not offering enough friction in drills and scrimmages and the varsity tends to play down to them. Boys do not do that ever. I think it is one of the many reasons that many successful boys coaches struggle coaching girls.
But they are a bunch of sweet kids and it is a pleasure to work with them.
First official game is December 2nd. Oh Boy! We have seven away games and only one home game before the Christmas shutdown.
Thanks for checking in. I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving in the “new normal.”
Wayzilla takes a call on her cell and spends 40-minutes outside the restaurant in hushed tones. What an idiot.
:twobyfour:
Just when you think there might be an inkling of a decent human being in there.....the prove ya wrong. What the heyall could be so important that she couldn't wait for after dinner?
Maybe Gollum had a zit on his butt.
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DD stood up, wished them a nice evening and left.
I know I've told you before, but I LOVE your DD. It takes a STRONG person to stick by their convictions and actually take a stand when they have no one right with them to back them up.
I am in awe.
I'm glad b-ball is going so well. Girls CAN be tough - but once they get on the right track, there won't be any stopping them.
Happy Thanksgiving to you, too, chris. I know it's tough with so many anniversarys right together - but you have much to be thankful for.
One day, Thanksgiving won't be the same - it will be BETTER. One day, it will just be a passing thought. You will have much more to fill your days.
Man.. DD-Almost drinkin age is a superstar there Chris..
You've got a lot to be proud of in that one. I can't imagine how difficult all this is on her. My oldest SIL is still standing up for what she believes in despite pressure from her sisters and her dad to 'normalize' WW's infidelity. She describes it as a 'dark spot' in her life she elects not to focus on. I imagine it's probably much the same for DD.
Glad to hear you'll be busy, and yeah I'm sure Thanksgiving won't be the same, but you'll just have to find new stuff to be thankful for bro.
I'd start with that wonderful DD of yours.
At any rate.. get the cases of scotch ready.. you've got another train pulling into the D-Line station in 2 weeks.
Just when you think there might be an inkling of a decent human being in there
I will never ASSUME a wayward has even a smidge of altruism unless proven over and over again. WZ hasn't even come CLOSE. That's where the whole acceptance thingy comes in. If DD20 accepts that WZ is a pile of turd, unless otherwise proven, then she may fare better. Easier to stand up and bid the craptastic side of the family ADIEU.
I don't think I would have given the 40 minutes that WZ took. I prolly would have counted five, and then gotten up and left. IF something is not on fire on the other end of that line (which is too bad, if Gollum was on the other end) or someone was not dieing (again, Gollum on the other end would be divine in that instance), then I would take it as a huge slight and skeedaddled tout de suite. I have zero tolerance for crap like that anymore.
I don't think I would have given the 40 minutes that WZ took. I prolly would have counted five, and then gotten up and left.
Yep, me too. But DD would have a very difficult time doing that to her Grandparents I'm sure.
Wayzilla just keeps putting her in tough spots that require a lot of moral courage and character. DD keeps passing the test her own Mother never could. I am very proud of her.
I forgot to mention that DD, her boyfriend, DGS and I got together last Saturday night at my house for dinner and puttin' up the old tannenbaum. It was a nice time.
Have a great Thanksgiving O'Silent One! If you do move to New Mexico someday we can meet up for Margaritas in Taos or Durango.
Your DD amazes me, Chrisner, and, not to sound condescending, but I am very proud of her actions in the face of all of this crapola.
I'm a bit older than her (not by much, though :RollieEyes:) and have the benefit of being the direct recipient of bullpoo from the WS, so I have zero tolerance. The relationship she has with her mother is a whole different dynamic. She's doing very well with it all. I know DD20 gets hurt over and over again by her mother's actions, and WZ has no idea how much more she loses her daughter with every stoopid call.
Wayzilla just keeps putting her in tough spots that require a lot of moral courage and character. DD keeps passing the test her own Mother never could. I am very proud of her.
She does not merely pass the test, Chris, her actions would implode any bell curve grading system out there! Talk about passing with flying colors. She is da' bomb!
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I forgot to mention that DD, her boyfriend, DGS and I got together last Saturday night at my house for dinner and puttin' up the old tannenbaum. It was a nice time.
And so the new traditions begin. This sounds wonderful!!
My 2 year Dday is Christmas. It seems like you have been D'd for ages and I'm not even close. I guess a difference in WS's -mine wanted a baking career and yours didn't. Somehow I think you are the lucky one. You got the heart ripped out cold turkey, I got the heart ripped out one tiny piece at a time.
Nope. Sorry to disappoint, but we got hammered. Picture a game played between the Norwegians With Bats versus The Baby Seals. As I said before we are really young and my only player who could actually start for someone else’s varsity was suspended for our first two games due to an unfortunate “incident” a couple months ago.
The team we played last night is somewhere around 4th ranked in 4A for the state. Not a good draw on opening night for a team that could use a little shot of confidence.
The sophomores looked like the pictures of the Tommie’s in the Western Front trenches in 1917. They all had a vacant, 1,000 yard stare. One forgot to keep breathing while on the court and nearly passed out at halftime. None of these kids would get any varsity time on any other team in our league. And I had to start 3 of them last night.
Like I said, we have a lot of work to do.
DD20.967’s JV kids struggled early but put together a nice comeback. They still lost but it gave them a little boost. The varsity will probably look like hamsters that barely survived a fight with the housecat by escaping and hiding under the refrigerator. I will have to lure them back out with little treats or something.
Otherwise all is well.
I heard from three different sources a couple days ago that Wayzilla’s company will probably not make it to New Years. That fits with her little vague hints to DD that she has some big decisions to make by January 1st. DD went over to Grandzillas for an hour on Thanksgiving. She did not stay for dinner. It was just Wayzilla and the XILs. DD said the conversations were awkward and strained and she was glad to get out of there. She had her Thanksgiving with her boyfriend’s family.
Now it seems Wayzilla has gone back into silence as she has not called or answered a call from DD since last Thursday.
Well, I got practice tonight for our next game tomorrow. Better get some treats on the way to school.
Hmmmmm.......DD20.969 just called. Wayzilla contacted her this morning and told her that I need to pick her up on my insurance. She once again told DD she has a "big decision" to make this week.
Of course I can't do that unless her insurance company provides me with a Certificate of Credible Coverage. The balls in dummo's court. So I guess we will know the truth soon.
Well.. it's tough to hear over the D-Train pulling into the station, but I could have sworn I saw a karma bus headed towards the bulldozer barn on the way in.
We lost last Thursday night although parents said it was the best the girls played in 2-years. We were down by 1 at the half but made the necessary defensive adjustments to take a 5 point lead going into the 4th. We carried that lead until 3 minutes left and then a girl with no particular shooting skill and who had not scored all night hits 2-consecutive threes (one a catch and launch banker from NBA land) and ignited their team. We had to start fouling in the last minute but they nailed their free throws and the game 51-47. Better but bummer.
The skid stopped on Saturday. We played a very scrappy team from of all places Mordor Springs. Our best player was able to return to the lineup finally after her 2-game suspension and promptly got into deep foul trouble (the first came 45 seconds into the game). We were down by 10 with 2-minutes in the first half when those shell shocked sophomores from the first game reeled off 5-unanswered points and put us back in the game at the break. They are growing up fast now.
Halftime was very weird. They were tearing up and their faces were getting all blotchy red. This was a team that was already beat. This took some pretty careful management by my assistant and me. They had not won a game since last January 15th and were believing that maybe they never will again. It was a combo of pats on the back, soft boots to the butt and a dose of humor.
The other team had a kid who was killing us driving the lane, hitting the layups and getting our bigs in foul trouble. At the half we went to an aggressive 1-1-3 matchup zone but put the top guard in man-2-man on their point. I told her not even to see where the ball is. Just look her in the eyes, keep your number on her number and keep her out of their offense. The girl had 17 points on us at halftime. She only hit a pair of free throws in the whole second half.
But it was not over. We had a 6-point lead with 1:30 left when a girl who had not scored a point the whole game hits 2-consecutive threes and ties the game. The exact same situation as on Thursday night! Deja Poop!
This time however the girls kept their poise, drove to the rack twice, got fouled twice, hit all 4-free throws and went home with a 62-58 win. Our only senior hit the second pair of free throws that iced the game. When she hit the second shot she jumped in the air kicking her legs like a 6-year old girl on Christmas morning. It was great.
I was so happy for them.
As an interesting side note, all the boys I coached last year from the rival high school were playing a game after us and were loudly cheering for our girls. It was great to see all those boys again. I asked one of my guards when she ever thought the boys from P. High would be cheering for the girls from S high. She said, “Their not cheering for us coach, they are cheering for you.” Wow. That pulled a little at the heart strings.
Practice tonight and a tough game against a good team tomorrow at home. Thursday we are at a school that is 2-minutes from my work and next Saturday we get to play the 4th ranked team in 5A at their gym. Long week.
DD20.980 won Thursday with a 12 point comeback, 36-34. Her JV team played well for 3 quarters Saturday but foul trouble and loss of poise lost the game in the 4th. She is doing a good job. No Wayzilla at her games.
DD has not heard from Wayzilla so last weeks “Big Decision” remains a mystery. Whatever.
The girls got their second win last night 52-33. They only won 5 of their 23 games last year. It was our first home game and we had a pretty decent crowd. Beat the team that comes from the town where they make that watery, flavorless beer they name ball parks after. The last time the high school girls beat that team DD20.986 was in uniform as a senior. She had a great game that night.
Our opponent has a freshman wunderkind point guard everyone was talking up big prior to the game. “Ball handles like a pro.” “Knocks down every three she launches.” Our freshman backup point absolutely schooled her on defense. She was so frustrated in the 4th quarter she was barely holding back tears. Her last 3-point attempt (never hit one during the game) hit the top of the backboard 2-feet to the right of the rim. Air Ball!!!
Turns out she was only the third best point guard in the game.
The sophomores had the first home game jitters and overall played poorly but at least they got it out of the way. It is different with an announcer (the softball coach does our announcing and she does a great job) and the boy’s teams in the stands chanting for you. They missed enough easy stick backs, stick ins and layups to have added 12-18 points to our total. One girl who hardly ever misses a layup got free on a wide open fast break. There was not a defender within 25 feet of her. The closer she got to the rim she started to look like she was becoming increasingly drunk. By the time she got there she was wobbling, stubbed the ball into the rim and nearly fell over.
All three levels play together tomorrow night at a school so close to my office I could walk there in 5-minutes. These games should be an opportunity for all three teams. It will be a nice night with DD. Hopefully her team can get another win.
This Christmas seems a lot harder for DD than last year. DGS and I went in together to buy her a very nice pendant necklace with her birthstone in it for her upcoming birthday.
DD has had no news about Wayzilla’s big decision yet. Maybe she is going to change hair color again or get something else pierced. It’s what mature, self reliant and independent adults do.
Sorry, got my Acronym Usage Zones (AUZs) mixed up. PBP is for pot-bellied pig. I had the weirdest dream the other night where I was sleeping at my xILs but their new pot-bellied pigs had gotten loose and were coming in and jumping on the bed. I am not making this up. My xILs do not actually own any pigs. Weird.
Sorry, got my Acronym Usage Zones (AUZs) mixed up. PBP is for pot-bellied pig. I had the weirdest dream the other night where I was sleeping at my xILs but their new pot-bellied pigs had gotten loose and were coming in and jumping on the bed. I am not making this up. My xILs do not actually own any pigs. Weird.
Well, I wonder what Sigmund would have made of this?
Here I start the day with heroic and inspiring tales of high school girl’s basketball and in a couple posts we’re talking about Pabst, pickled eggs, pot bellied pigs and worms. That aint right.
Here I start the day with heroic and inspiring tales of high school girl’s basketball and in a couple posts we’re talking about Pabst, pickled eggs, pot bellied pigs and worms. That aint right.
Well Coach.. we can start a new day on the right foot and straight off talk about beer!
What do you know about some big beerfest shindig in the Denver area sometime in September? My brother's trying to convince me it'd be a good idea and a way to celebrate my pullin in to the D-line station this week... looking for the straight hops from a local.
Here you go James. Let me know if you are really going and we can go down to LoDo and catch some bands. If you like jazz we could pop in to El Chapultepec.
Here I start the day with heroic and inspiring tales of high school girl’s basketball and in a couple posts we’re talking about Pabst, pickled eggs, pot bellied pigs and worms. That aint right.
Well Coach.. we can start a new day on the right foot and straight off talk about beer!
What do you know about some big beerfest shindig in the Denver area sometime in September? My brother's trying to convince me it'd be a good idea and a way to celebrate my pullin in to the D-line station this week... looking for the straight hops from a local.
Sep was 3 months ago dude
I do know of a big beerfest at my house this weekend. I heard it from a good source too.
Oh, and it snowed in South Louisiana this morning!!
and I forget to pee in it!! I'm so disappointed in myself
It was a good night. My reward was waking up this morning to parent’s emails, voice messages and texts complaining that the Rocky Mountain News messed up the stats. Boo Bloody Hoo. I guess they want me to drive down to the News every game night at 1:00 am and proofread for them.
The first quarter of the varsity game was real SLOOOOOOOOOW. Tied 4-4 at the end of the first? The starting varsity guards were taking a vacation from hustle. We had moved a couple of young guards from JV up to sit because of their effort in their game. Ended up playing them both and they did great. Really great! They combined for 10 points and a ton of defensive pressure at the top. Suddenly the starters were very interested again. We scored 20 in the 3rd and 17 in the 4th. Nothing like a little internal competition to motivate.
Tough game tomorrow morning. A top 7 rated 5A team at their gym. This will be a big measuring stick.
But varsity is 3-2 and really should have been 4-1 but what the heck. They were 5-18 all last season so maybe we are headed in the right direction.
Wayzilla forwarded without any comment an email to me this morning from her corporate headquarters regarding DDs insurance. It was surprisingly vague about the circumstances. It simple states DD will no longer be covered effective 12/31/08. It was not enough for my HR to work with so I put the two HR gurus in touch with each other. In honesty, I think Wayzilla is trying to get away with something but I don’t know what yet. She still has not told DD anything about her “Big Decision.” What a maroon!
DD is now officially DD21. A good group of friends went out after practice last night and had a very good time celebrating. DGS came down from Fort Collins too. I never in my life imagined I would celebrate that night with DD without her mother. 21 years ago today we brought her home from the hospital. It was a real cold day just like today. We were both scared to death. But it looks like we did okay.
Both DD and I have games tonight.
The varsity had one of those silver lining loses on Saturday to a very good 5A team. They played the same team last year and lost 80 something to 20 something. This time it was 77-50, but the girls won the 2nd and 3rd quarters by a combined 30-29. In truth in spite of the final score they played very well. Baby steps.
The other coach brought 18 girls to the game (JV and L3 players) thinking that she would be flooding the floor with her babies once we were crushed. It did not work out. She had to play her varsity kids the whole way. This coach is a 2-time Colorado Coach of the Year and has been a post coach for the WNBA Charlotte Sting in the summers. It was nice to surprise her. Baby steps.
The parents were all thrilled after the game and several came by me to tell me what a night and day difference there is from last year. Although it will take a lot of hustle we have a chance to tie the total number of wins in all of last year before the Christmas shutdown.
DD has received no news on Wayzilla’s dirty life and times. What a shock.
It was 2-years ago this week I found this place and started reading. Friday will be the 2-year mark for my first post. Again, I can’t thank my friends here enough for all the help they gave DD and I. I am sure our story would be far different without you.
I went back and re-read some of your earliest posts. Your sense of humor was very intact back then as well and it's interesting to see your progress over time.
Your thread is the one I look forward to reading the most since you usually have some of that trademark humor.
I'm guessing that Wayzilla may have been probing your Plan B to see if you would engage with her regarding DD21.
It's also good to see a BH who is genuinely moving on with life and doing well in the aftermath of things.
It sounds like you have good friends, good supporters, and the respect of your daughter, which is pretty much all anyone of us can ask for.
Hi LG. I will look into these. Thanks. You have a great holiday too!
Thanks for checking in POM!
Tonight is our last practice of the season before the holiday shutdown. The offense is starting to get there. Defensively we need help. I keep hearing from people who were around the program last year saying how much better they play and how close we are getting to turning corners. I hope the girls can keep their heads up until we get there.
I am looking forward to a few days away from it. Christmas Eve will be with my sis, her husband, DGS, DD21 and her BF. I am looking forward to that but I really need an afternoon to clean up my house. Since tryouts I have lost 12 pounds and my house looks like it has been taken over by a pack of socially deranged laboratory monkeys with basketballs.
DD21 and her BF had her 21st Birthday dinner with Wayzilla and the Grandzillas on Friday night after practice. While they were all together, I got a text from DD saying, “I am a little disappointed in mom. She has hit an all time low. Will call you later.”
Oooooookay.
When later came DD called me and said that Wayzilla and Grandzillas more or less totally ignored DD and her BF the whole dinner talking among themselves. No one brought a card, a gift or even mentioned her birthday. I was stunned and told DD she had to be kidding. She said “Nope” and immediately put her BF on for confirmation. He told me it was unbelievable. Not a single acknowledgement of her birthday and the whole dinner was wrapped up in about 50-minutes.
And of course, not a word about Gollum, her job or the “Big Decision.”
DD was very stoic about it all and just called it par for the course. DGS thinks this one was huge and may be the final straw before a long and serious estrangement. I guess we will see.
I will be off for the next 6-days starting tomorrow. That will be great. Have a great holiday all you fighting MBers!
Chrisner, I don't know if you've ever watched the show "The Biggest Loser". This past season, they had a mother-daughter team where the mother had divorced the father... and, from what I could tell, she had left him for someone else. The daughter (who ended up as the winner) was 19 or so at the time, and she didn't speak to her mother for 6 years... and she had a whole host of issues that she dealt with on the show related to that. Her mother had done a real number on her... and while she doesn't appear to have handled it as well as your DD has, it seemed like she went through a very similar experience of feeling abandoned by her mother.
I've been following your threads, although I don't recall if I've ever posted to you before. But every week, when my wife and I watched this program, that one contestant's situation made me think of your DD's sitch...
I was so ticked to hear Jillian's advice to her about being "proud" of her mother for choosing to make herself happy.
Yeah, I found that offensive as well.
On the other hand, it didn't appear Michelle had taken that advice. At the last show, she said she'd forgiven her mother, and that she'd decided to love her where she is right now, she never said she was proud of her mother's choice to run.
They never went into detail about the mother's situation. They did show her current husband, but as far as I could tell, there was no indication whether he had been the OM or not.
When later came DD called me and said that Wayzilla and Grandzillas more or less totally ignored DD and her BF the whole dinner talking among themselves. No one brought a card, a gift or even mentioned her birthday.
Just thinking out loud here--do you suppose it's a calculated thing? Kind of a silent treatment they're imposing on DD21 (!) for not Accepting Things?
Probably not. Probably just more stupid behavior by stupid waywards. It's pretty incredible, though. And so sad.
The whole sitch @ dinner the other night has me !!
Wayzilla & Grandzilla,,,2 of a kind - - - I think it's amazingly wonderful that God's plan with genetics has given you a DD who is nothing like them whatsoever!!
Hope you, DD21, her man, and DG had a wonderful day!!
It was 2-years ago this week I found this place and started reading. Friday will be the 2-year mark for my first post. Again, I can’t thank my friends here enough for all the help they gave DD and I. I am sure our story would be far different without you.
Hi Chrisner,
If it's been two years since you registered, it's been two years since I found these forums (a few months after I noticed the web site while reading MB books). I was reading one of your early threads and noticed that you changed from junior member to member with your 25th post. I know I've probably told you before, but reading your thread and the help people like Starfish were giving you encouraged me to register, too, (even though I thought it would take me forever to post 25 times and become a 'member' like you.)
I don't post much anymore but I wanted to tell you THANKS for all you do/did for me and many on these forums. You were a big inspiration for me and I will always be grateful.
Ace
P.S. I've seen occasional references to a DGS (which I thought meant "Darling Grand Son") and wondered what I may have missed since I'm not lurking or posting much. Saw today on Bug's thread that she is your girlfriend and that makes me (and many others, I'm sure) happy for you. Continued best wishes, Chrisner ...Oh...it's also fun to read your PBPs.
I am so nervous. I have not been this nervous about a game in years. We have our league opener tonight in our home gym. It is a double header game with the boy’s varsity. The gym will be packed. We play the school DD21 and I coached for last year so many of the boys on the opponents varsity played for me last year. Several of the opponent’s varsity girls played for DD last year.
We need a win. These poor girls have not had a league win in the past 15 games. It’s a streak that goes back to February 2nd 2007. My back up point guard was only 11 years old.
It’s a winnable game but the kids are going to have to really lay it out. DGS is coming down to see the game. She has always been a bit of a good luck charm when she is there.
We go to this great Irish Pub after games to finalize our stats and call the newspapers. I hope there is a little to party about tonight.
No news about Wayzilla. She has not contacted DD for 17 days. Although it is not very Plan B for life like, my boss and I did a drive by at Wayzilla’s company. Not much stock in the yard and the chassis pool is about ½ gone. But her car was there and the rest of the employee parking places were full so they are still getting by. The body company they have distributed for over 20-years has cancelled them. While I was there that product was about 80% of the total revenue. Can’t be much more time left for them.
Well, have a great weekend MBers. Hopefully I won’t be joining my little freshman back up guard at the trash can tonight. She has a tendency to barf around game time. The girl’s have nicknamed her “Chuck”.
We go to this great Irish Pub after games to finalize our stats and call the newspapers. I hope there is a little to party about tonight.
I'm surprised you guys don't have contract reporter that cover all of the games...My coworker and AWESOME friend here covers them. I've gotten to a few games with her and she's called it in after the games, stats, quotes, and everything. The last one I went with her to her article made the front page of the sports section!
have a wonderful weekend! Wishing your girls the best of luck!
There are not enough reporters around to cover all the games but I am sure we will have a couple tonight from the North area since it is a league opener and double-header.
I would be cool with a front page as long as it's not a pic of my freshman and I woofin' in the trash can.
Hmmmmm....DD21 just called. She has figured out how much her books for the upcoming semester will cost. In the divorce decree I was to pay the tuition and Wayzilla would handle the books. I was going to pay the entire bill but Wayzilla insisted she would cover the books so DD didn’t think she was being abandoned completely by her mother. You know, sort of like she has done anyway?
So it was clear to me that DD just wanted me to say I would cover the books so she would not have to call her mother. It looks like she wants in on Plan B. I told her we would talk about it tonight after the game but in the end I would do whatever she wants. She used the comment, "Since Mom does not want anything to do with me anyway and I am nothing but an inconvenience......."
So although I don’t generally ask for any particular advice here I thought it is time to open the topic to discussion.
Let's try to keep thongs, belly rings, tatoos, beer and Zulus out of this for at least 3-4 replies.
I'd pay for them yourself. I don't think DD should be FORCED to contact WayZ and ASK for something. Even if it is what WayZ SHOULD do - I don't like DD21 feeling like she HAS to. KWIM?
Yeah, the money is not really the issue since my portion is about a 12:1 ratio anyway.
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Buying books doesn't make you a mother.
It's funny how at that last meeting before the decree that she and her attorney were so insistent that she pays for the books and give the appearance of involvement.
Hey Chrisner! Tell your DD that after having met her in person, I would LOVE to have a daughter like her. It makes me sad what wayzilla has done to that wonderful young woman. Buy the books and let DD have her peace. ((DD21))
I'm pretty much in agreement that you go ahead and buy the books if it's not a hardship for you (which it doesn't sound like it is)
However, I am torn on bringing it up to the Z. On the one hand, this IS her responsibility. On the other, it's obvious that DD21 has had enough of the abdonment and further wayward fog dealings she has to have the the Z.
No matter how it is approached, DD21 is going to hear 'something' from her about it, and we ALL know that it won't be pleasant.
The question is if it is better to let DD21 escape that wrath/issue with the Z or to make the Z live up to her responsibilities?
Tough call.
There is no right or wrong answer here. It's obvious that by you buying the books and then trying to deal with the Z on your own about it, you are picking the 'best' possible scenario to try to accomplish both of the goals.
Unfortunately, due to who you are dealing with, it's not going to be so simple.
Talk to DD21 a bit more. Let her know your plan, but also prepare her for the possibility, should you bring it up to the Z, that DD21 may still have to deal with some fallout.
Man, this week ended up with me wanting to commence a beating on some nasty ex-ww's!! :twobyfour: :twobyfour:
DD21 finally got a phone message from Wayzilla. “How much do you need for the books?” DD had never approached her about it as I had agreed to buy her the books.
DD called her back Wednesday evening after practice (varsity was at a game) around 7:00 pm to get her that info. DD called me later and was really frustrated and angry. She said she really wanted to give her Mom a chance and maybe talk some. DD tried to chit chat a little at the start and Wayzilla promptly responded, “I don’t really have time to talk right now. How much do you need for the books?” It was a 2-minute call.
This was their first contact since Christmas Eve.
DD told me how much money she asked for. I said, “That’s about $40 more than you told me you needed.
DD: “She doesn’t know it but she is going to buy me a pair of jeans now too.”
Basketball is going pretty tough. We lost last Friday night by 4 (44-48) and were in the game to the final buzzer. We came back from 10 down in the 4th to tie the game with 2:20 remaining. We got the ball back and one of our posts missed the easiest bunny stick in of the night that would have given us the lead with 1:30 left. They got the board and promptly scored. They lost to the same team last year twice by an average of 24 points. Baby steps.
Wednesday night was a disaster. We played the 3rd place team in our league so we knew going in it would be tough. Our best player (3rd in state in rebounds, leads us in scoring, rebounds, assists, and averages 3-blocked shots a night) hurt her knee at the end of the 1st quarter and it may be pretty serious. She was having a dominant night up to the injury. The first quarter ended with us down 14-16 in a really great game. When they carried her off the floor in tears to the bench the rest of the team just imploded. We only scored 2-points in the 2nd quarter. They scored 21. The rout was on. He full court pressed the entire rest of the game to a 50 point win. My sophomores once again looked like a bunch of Bambi’s on a busy interstate.
Practice last night was pretty bad. I don’t know if any of them are going to step up. We play again tonight against the 4th place team in league. It probably won’t be pretty but I know this coach will not press us to humiliation. He is a gentleman.
Work is scary. There have been a lot of layoffs in our company around the country.
Oh, and my car broke down on Monday because I really needed a $600 bill.
Some may remember my neighbor two doors up dying in his home last June. His son and DIL totally renovated the house and put it up for rent. Since it was paid for they wanted to hold on to it for a better market. I saw it was for sale a couple weeks ago. Last weekend I saw the son and asked what was up and he told me his wife (the DIL) died of brain cancer at Christmas. What an incredible 6-months he has been through. Puts it in perspective.
I many respects, this book buying deal went down really well between W-Z and DD21. It her issue, and sometimes, we as parents cannot protect our children from EVERYTHING.
The easy way out would have been to buy the Books. But that just makes W-Z land a little bit nicer....
You probably already had to buy the books, because DD21 NEEDS the books to go to school. Now DD21 just has to wait until W-Z refunds the purchase price.
But this is the BEST PART:
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“She doesn’t know it but she is going to buy me a pair of jeans now too.”
That is really classic!
I hope your player's knee wasn't that serious, and even if she misses a game, nothing long term happened.
Is it OK if I transfer posts from your "Curtains" thread to the new success story 2 thread? I know you re-linked it after they were broken in the upgrade but I'm not assuming anything now. If it's OK, please post here (or there) and I'll transfer it today.
Thanks, Ace
P.S. Chrisner, it'd be great if your onging story of personal recovery for you and DD21 was included, too. Have you considered writing it or there any particular post from this thread that encapsulates it? If so, please link it I'll transfer it.
Hey, Chris: Greetings from California. It's a beautiful Saturday morning and we're expected to reach 70 degrees today. Nice.
Just spent several hours reading all 83 pages of your thread. I guess your mention of girl's basketball got me interested in your story. And wow -- what a story.
My sitch is similar. WH in MLC with blond bimbo and now living with her and her 3 kids. We have 3 teenagers all in high school -- a Catholic high school to boot. WH abandoned them 2 days after Christmas to be "happy" after 23 years of marriage. D-day has been one year. Latest news is that this time he's serious and is in the process of filing.
My two DDs are involved in basketball -- one on the JV team and the other coaching a 4th grade team. DS is in his senior year. WH has always been active in the kids' sport -- coaching, attending practices and games, etc. Not anymore. DD don't want him to.
I admire your personal recovery. Go, Chris! And I so admire your DDs unrelationship (I don't know if that's even a word) with Wayzilla. And I fully expect my kids will have the same unrelationship with WH because of his choices.
I want to grab WH by the -- whatever -- and force him to see that the reality of his actions will result in crap between he and his kids for years and years to come.
Just spent several hours reading all 83 pages of your thread.
Holyheart! You need to see someone about your sleep disorder. There is some good stuff in here about belly rings, thongs and Zulus however.
Hi LG. Nope, our star ended up with a season ending knee injury involving both ligaments and the meniscus. The good news is that she will not require surgery and they think she can play summer ball if PT goes well. Tough blow but we are doing the best we can. My starting lineup is now 1 senior, 1 junior, 2 sophomores and Chuck the freshman. We got drubbed huge last week by a league competitor that started 5 seniors and still had one on the bench. I only have seven players left on varsity now. We swing up a few babies but it is hard to get them in. It’s a tough row.
But…….
We won another game finally last night. This team’s first league win in 15 try’s going back to last January.
The team we played is pretty much in the same boat we are and everyone there knew that the team that lost will probably be last place in league at the end. Talk about a couple of tense teams.
The first quarter was slow and both teams played scared. It ended with them up 8-7. We had a real good 2nd and had the lead 25-19 at the halftime break.
Of course we had to make it hard on ourselves (39% shooting from the line!!!!) and all through the 3rd quarter they crept back into the game until with only 12 seconds left in the quarter they took a 38-37 lead. Our point hit a 3 at the buzzer to put us back up 40-38 going into the 4th.
There were 8 tied scores or lead changes in the 4th before Chuck stepped up and iced the game with foul shots and a 57-53 win. She went 8 of 12 from the line! Way to play freshman!
Wow did they ever need that. If we had lost this game I am not sure how we ever would have got them back this season. This bought a little time and hopefully a little more confidence.
They play again Friday night at home against a team that beat them 108-35 last year. Although I was not there, I understand she full court pressed the entire game and subbed in her starters in the last 2-minutes to break the century mark. She’s a real nice lady. The parents remember it well. She may need an armed escort.
No Wayzilly news. Annnnnd that’s the way uh huh uh huh I like it uh huh uh huh!
I agree with Bugs, enough time with you and this will be a team to contend with.
Originally Posted by Coach
Holyheart! You need to see someone about your sleep disorder. There is some good stuff in here about belly rings, thongs and Zulus however.
Can you believe, DD14 is STILL on the belly button ring kick? She came to me the other night and took my face in hands (I knew this was trouble right away) and said "Mom, we need to sit down and have an adult conversation"
She had all the reasons WHY she wanted a belly button ring and how she would be responsible for it and what she would do to prevent infection etc.
The answer is still no.
"But, MOM! We are talking like adults"
That's true, DD14, so you need to learn to take no for an answer like an adult."
Her adult attitude passed quickly when she didn't get what she wanted. Huff, huff, slam, slam.
Can you believe, DD14 is STILL on the belly button ring kick? She came to me the other night and took my face in hands (I knew this was trouble right away) and said "Mom, we need to sit down and have an adult conversation"
She had all the reasons WHY she wanted a belly button ring and how she would be responsible for it and what she would do to prevent infection etc.
Next time she asks tell her, "Okay, I'll agree on one condition." (DD's jumping up and down saying okay, okay, yes, yes).
"You have to get your nose pierced too and wear a chain connecting your nose to your belly button."
If she had a signed affidavit from her dad's lawyer stating that her dad would pay for ALL expenses relating to the disfiguration of DD14 when it became infected. HE would have to take her to the doctor, HE would have to listen to her cry, HE would have to pay for EVERYTHING. I was not to hear a word or see one bill.
Yeah, that's really a no.
However, she did say she was going to talk to WxH about it.
If she had a signed affidavit from her dad's lawyer stating that her dad would pay for ALL expenses relating to the disfiguration of DD14 when it became infected. HE would have to take her to the doctor, HE would have to listen to her cry, HE would have to pay for EVERYTHING. I was not to hear a word or see one bill.
At this point, I'd be willing for her to get her lips pierced.
To hold them together.
"Bmomb, Ib fink bmy libbs imfecemebd!"
yeah, I'm sure she heard "it's up to your dad." Howver, she KNOWS nothing is up to her dad.
And he knows it, too.
It would last about one week if she has it done. I will GUARANTEE that it gets infected. She has very sensitive skin and just can't get away with that stuff.
we'll see. I won't like it, but it won't be the end of the world. It will be a lesson they could both stand to learn.
It would last about one week if she has it done. I will GUARANTEE that it gets infected. She has very sensitive skin and just can't get away with that stuff.
we'll see. I won't like it, but it won't be the end of the world. It will be a lesson they could both stand to learn.
My daughter has had her's pierced since she was 18. She wore a ring for about 6 months and then just quit. It turned out to be a pain to keep it from snagging her clothes, changing it out, etc. She just grew tired of it.
I heard an NPR piece by a guy talking about industries to invest in, and one of the companies he mentioned was one who makes lasers for tatoo removal. Growth industry. Maybe I'll set up a tatoo removal shop if I get kicked out of the pharma industry. On second thought, maybe I'll just rob banks instead.
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We won another game finally last night.
Hey, congrats! I look forward to hearing about the next game, because I know you'll handle it well even if you get drubbed. I was talking with my physical therapist today (about wayward spouses, as I recall), and I said "Some people suck." A coach who runs up a score like that almost certainly qualifies.
Believe me LG, the Camp Northstar Defense is always in the back of my handbook. I was only a couple years older than my girls when that movie came out. Wayzilla and I saw it at the theaters.
More good news! It turns out our senior got a concussion on Wednesday night during the game. She hit her head in a floor scramble but never told us. She will be out for a few days.
Now we are down to six original varsity players. About the only hope for the JV swing players is the Camp Northstar Defense. I am not sure how to draw that on a coaches board.
So tonight we get the league champion of the last 5-years who ran up 108 points on them last season and we will be starting one junior, three sophomores and a freshman. Good thing we have another sophomore on the bench. What could possibly go wrong?
“We got them right where we want them” – Broncos offensive guard Keith Bishop to his teammates at the first huddle of “The Drive” in the 1987 AFC Championship Game against Cleveland.
“Hey, hey hey guys, listen up. This is important. Who’s guarding Wilt?” – The coach of the Knicks the night Wilt Chamberlain scored 100 points on them in 1962.
Last night and this morning is the 2nd anniversary of Wayzilla’s epic escape for freedom. I miss her like the surviving Europeans missed the Black Death of the 1340’s and 50’s. Not much. I have not seen or communicated with her for over 18-months. Go Plan B For Life!
Last night and this morning is the 2nd anniversary of Wayzilla’s epic escape for freedom. I miss her like the surviving Europeans missed the Black Death of the 1340’s and 50’s. Not much. I have not seen or communicated with her for over 18-months. Go Plan B For Life!
Last night and this morning is the 2nd anniversary of Wayzilla’s epic escape for freedom. I miss her like the surviving Europeans missed the Black Death of the 1340’s and 50’s. Not much. I have not seen or communicated with her for over 18-months. Go Plan B For Life!
Do you think she has "found herself" yet?
Found herself what?
Found herself a good homeopathic remedy for STD related pain and seepage?
Found herself a monthly treatment for fleas that doesn't make her smell like a hobo on the end of a four day whiskey bender?
Found herself a good window treatment to drown out the idling bulldozers outside?
Found herself new and interesting ways to cook spam?
Found herself with a bunch of really good news and nobody that cares enough to beg her with baited breath to know what it is?? OMGWTFBBQ!!
Ahh..
I bet she probably has.. I know I would have by now..
I always have to figure that if Wayzilla were really and truly happy she would be bursting at the seams to let DD21 know.
That she is not doing this means:
A. She has too much respect and concern for DD21's feelings. (I love this guy)
B. She aint that flippen happy.
After much consideration and internal debate I think I am going with answer B.
Originally Posted by James
Well.. that'd certainly end the speculation about whether or not there'd be a next season...
Okay, that brings up another basketball story. In that first league opener game at home we lost 48-44, the other coach got 2-technicals and an ejection. I heard coming in he had received 6-technical in the first 8-games. In Colorado if you are ejected you are suspended for 2-games as well.
He seemed so nice and demure when we shook hands and talked a little. Then when the ball went in the air he became a total deranged savage. Honestly, the worst I have ever seen. After he got his first technical he stayed standing and yelling. Wrong move.
Then some administration type person I did not know walks over to him near his bench and there is a brief but pointed exchange that I could not hear. Nearby spectators said it went:
Administrative Guy: “You have to calm down now.”
Rabid Coach: “Who the Hell are you?’
Administrative Guy: “I’m the Principal”
Rabid Coach (thinking he was OUR Principal): “Then get the F*** out of my huddle!”
Well we lost Friday night but it was a 62 point swing from last year. The final was 50-39. Still, a loss is a loss but I guess better than last years 108-35 humiliation.
“Chuck” the freshman and our junior point played the entire game. We only substituted with 4-sophomores. They worked very hard. Our opponent started 4-seniors and played 11 different girls. She tried to wear us out with various presses and frequent substitutions but honestly it looked like it was their team that was sucking wind in the 4th.
Last year she put in her starters for the final 2-1/2 minutes in a full court press as the crowd chanted and jeered for 100 points. This year she put in her starters for the final 2-minutes to stall because we kept getting uncomfortably close and our guards (including Chuck) had hit 4-three pointers. What a difference a year makes.
The head referee talked to me after the game about how amazed he was with “Chuck”. He said in his opinion she was the best overall defender on the court. She chipped in 7-points had a few steals and a couple assists.
DGS was there and said that the parents are all very happy with the change this season and are taking the loses in stride. I wish we had won a handful of those winnable early season games. It would look a lot better than our current 4-12.
All three teams bus down to Columbine for games tomorrow night. They are currently 13-3 so you can see where this is headed. On the good news side our senior should be ready to play again so that will help some.
The weekend was a little cool and windy so we could not take any walks. We watched a couple movies and read books and watched a pretty good football game. Pretty quiet all in all.
My boss did a driveby at Wayzilla’s company at lunch today. It is all still there with little change from early January. WayZ’s car was in the lot so I guess they still cling to life and her big change is still a mystery. I finally got enough information from her insurance company to put DD21 under my insurance. That at least covers her until she is 22. No other news.
Great report, coach. It sounds like a pretty amazing turnaround to me, and with all the time your underclassmen are getting, you are setting the school up for a couple of great seasons. Especially if Chuck doesn't turn pro early.
We lost at Columbine on Tuesday 57-41 but it was a 21 point overall improvement from last seasons game. They had 4-senior starters and played a great inside game with their star post. Still we came back in the second quarter and tied the game at 16 with 3-1/2 minutes to go. That was not supposed to be happening and the home crowd was getting a little antsy about it. He called an angry time out and boy did they lower the hammer on the babies for a few minutes. We still kind of hung around until the last couple minutes of the game when we were finally gassed out and they got a few junk time scores to finish the game.
Several of our league losses have had large double-digit point improvements from last season. Baby steps.
It’s still kind of weird going there. This was my third or fourth game there since the shootings. It will be 10 years this April. They are on the 3rd generation of students since then. Still the same principal is there. Strange too that the only adult who died there was the girl’s basketball coach and that he was the same age I am now. I went to school with the husband of the librarian who was wounded.
They have a long case outside the gym with donated sports memorabilia dedicated to the shooting victims and the school. This is an amazing collection of signed jerseys, helmets, photos, balls, bats, hats, posters and stuff from anyone who was anybody in 1999. And yet you almost get the feeling that if the current student body had their choice, they would take all that stuff down. I understand how they feel.
We play at home tonight against the team we played when our star forward ended her season. We have come a long ways since that night but it will still be a pretty tough night. They were still pressing last time when up by over 40 points in the 4th. Nice.
I went out with DD21 last night after practice for dinner and a beer. It was a good time. She had a little “Mom moment” breakdown and tears during practice and had to leave the gym for a bit to gain her composure. It was triggered by her talking to one of my varsity players who has gone through the whole adultery, divorce, affairage and joint custody of her wayward father. He was one of those who remarried 15-minutes after the ink was dry on the divorce decree.
The girl does not want to stay with her father and her OP stepmother who she loathes and she is old enough to make that choice. However, she told DD that although her younger brother does not want to be there either, he does not have the choice. So she told DD until her brother can make the choice to go full time with her mother she will not abandon him. That will be the year she goes to college.
He has come to a few of his daughter’s games but as we talked about yesterday on SD’s thread, he sits alone away from the teams parents saying nothing. OP stepmother never comes. Adultery sucks.
Have a great weekend MBers. Time to put on my iPod Shuffle DD got me for Father’s Day and work on some equipment drawings.
And yet you almost get the feeling that if the current student body had their choice, they would take all that stuff down. I understand how they feel.
Nice observation. I'm sure you're right. It's not their tradgedy. I'm sure they're tired of having to go to that school. It's a fine line--continuing to respect and honor those who died while not making it unnecessarily difficult on the new students. High school is confusing enough.
but it was a 21 point overall improvement from last seasons game.
And THAT is what makes you such a great coach. You measure success by more than just wins. That's the kind of coach this particular team needs it seems.
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She had a little “Mom moment” breakdown and tears during practice and had to leave the gym for a bit to gain her composure. It was triggered by her talking to one of my varsity players who has gone through the whole adultery, divorce, affairage and joint custody of her wayward father.
I just hate this for the kids. I know DD15 is stuffing and I'm concerned how much that worsens the hurt and concerned about when it will bubble to the surface unbidden.
It's been said over and over again but I just can't believe that waywards are willing to lose their children. (or just simply give them up)
We won Tuesday night against the school where I coached the boys last year. 58-56 in double overtime. What a ride that was. I have never lost a game in that gym. It was a packed house for a girls and boys double header.
We were down by 4 at the start of the 4th quarter but came back and had a 4-point lead in the last 2-minutes. Chuck went 7 of 7 from the free throw line in the 4th quarter. She won this game for us. This kid is special. She looks like a 7th grader out there with the varsity.
They cut it to 2-points and then with 6 seconds left in regulation one of their guards drove into the lane, crashes into several players and gets to the line. She was 0 for 5 from the line prior to these shots but of course nails them both. Overtime.
Both teams go nuts in the 1st 4-minute overtime and score 12 points each. Once again we were ahead with 6 seconds to go and the same girl drives the length of the floor, crashes into anything standing and gets to the line. She hits both again. 2nd overtime.
This time we stall out over half of the overtime. We were exhausted and I figured why play 4-minutes if we only need to play 1. The kids were very patient and we finally got our chance. Chuck finds a gap in their D and drives to the paint. The player guarding our post has to leave her to stop Chuck who dishes back to the uncovered post for the easy bucket. Did I mention this kid is special? They got up a couple shots but we held on.
Oh yeah, and Chuck manned up on their star who scores 19 points a night and holds her to 10 points. 5’-3” vs. 6’-1”. 98 lbs vs. 160 lbs. Special. I am telling you special.
Speaking of special, the power forward who suffered the knee injury went back to her Doc for a follow up and he released her to return to practice immediately and to play next week. He told her Dad he has never seen this kind of injury heal this quickly. She has no pain and a full range of motion. At practice last night she wore a brace but there was no evidence at all she had been injured. The power of youth and clean living I guess.
We have another game tonight at home. The season ends next Friday. Boy, does time fly by anymore.
My Plan B for life was 2-years old last week. It gets better all the time.
As far as I know Wayzilla has made no contact with DD since the brief call about the college books in January. She has completely disappeared. Must be all the fun she’s having.
We won Tuesday night against the school where I coached the boys last year. 58-56 in double overtime. What a ride that was. I have never lost a game in that gym. It was a packed house for a girls and boys double header.
Was there really ever any doubt that they would improve?
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Chuck went 7 of 7 from the free throw line in the 4th quarter. She won this game for us. This kid is special.
Nice job, Chuck!! That Chuck, she must have a pretty good coach.
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As far as I know Wayzilla has made no contact with DD since the brief call about the college books in January. She has completely disappeared. Must be all the fun she’s having.
Stoopid waywards.
Glad to hear from you, Coach. You must be doin' something right.....
Your coaching updates are always great to read. I'd like to try it someday myself with something I'm a little more passionate about.
I'm a long time reader and long time poster, but have a new way of presenting myself. You're an observant student of history, so it shouldn't be a problem for ya.
You have enacted the most amazing Plan B I've seen on this forum and commend you for it. It's great that the years pass and life gets better and better.
You're a great example to your DD and to the young girls you coach.
We nearly pulled a HUGE upset last Thursday night. We played a team that started the season ranked 5th in the state and has the top 5A scorer in Colorado. They were up 14-11 after one quarter but we were playing better basketball. It all came together in the 2nd and we were up 25-17 at the half. The third was back and forth but we extended our lead to 37-24. Then the wheels came off.
I told them between quarters we have to continue doing everything we had been to finish this game on top. They got scared. Scared to win. Scared to lose. Rather than playing to win they tried to play not to lose. That never works. At one point he had 5-seniors on the floor together. Their post player went to the line 13 times in the forth quarter and hit a couple baskets. Add a couple nice 3’s and they escaped with a nice 47-44 win. They scored nearly half of all their points in the 4th. Arg!
For those needing the “Chuck Update” she hit a 3, a free throw and made an assist on the best backdoor cut I have seen by any team this season. Oh, and of course played solid defense.
Great game. Ended poorly.
More than a half dozen people came to me after the game telling me again what an unbelievable turnaround this team has made this season and how great it is going to be next year. Poo. I did not want to wait for next year. I want it all!! I want it all now!!!
This loss put the nail in the coffin of us having any chance of going to the State Tournament. No Hoosier’s storybook end for us.
Oh well. So here I go; ummmmm…….wait til next year.
We play tonight against another winning team at home. Plus just to make it a little more challenging, I got to suspend my starting point guard for the night for missing practice without a valid excuse last Friday. Oh goody!! She scores 12 points a night like a clock. Terrific.
Chuck will make her first start as a point guard tonight. Go Chuck. Please. She is likely the only starting freshman point guard in 5A ball.
Hope everyone had an endurable V-Day. Ours was great. DGS and I did the dinner out thing and it was very, very nice. Nice table by a fireplace and great food.
DD21 stopped by Saturday to drop off a couple cards and pick up her annual red heart shaped box-o-sugar and carbohydrates.
She got a Valentine in the mail from Wayzilla. She said it was very sappy and was all about what great friends mothers and daughters become as they mature. Wayzilla simply signed it with no notation. DD thought that under the current circumstances it was a very odd card. Otherwise, DD told me they have not spoken for weeks. You know, sort of like what people do to their good friends.
Hearing about the team, their turnaround and your obvious part in it, and the reaction by the girls and parents has been great. I'm already dreading the off-season and lamenting how long it's going to take to get to next year.
ETA: Nice word for Valentine's Day. Endurable. I pretty much ignored it. The softball game, hung out with friends, and then finished it off by shooting zombies online with my brother and nephew. Pretty good day.
The last varsity game is tonight. DD21’s team plays in the morning and then the season is over.
Our only senior kept tearing up at her final practice last night. She is a great kid and will do well
We have a virtual zero chance of making the State Tournament that would not involve several natural disasters and many freakish and bizarre accidents to befall the rest of the 5A league. But you can always hope.
We took a long bus ride out onto the Colorado prairie Wednesday night and got a nice 73-58 win. That was good. The girls are happy.
I am used to occasional emails from parents over the years offering me “helpful” advice as to my coaching abilities but few like this one I got today.
“Hi guys – Just in case I don’t get a chance this evening I’d like to take a moment to say Thank you! Thanks for a great season for K and all the girls. After last year, well, we just weren’t sure what was going to happen – thanks for taking on the challenge, sticking with them, and helping them to look toward their future with SLHS basketball. You both take care of the girls on and off the court – as a parent you just can’t ask for more from a coach. Thanks for all your hard work and dedication”
Occasionally I remember why I do it.
Have a wonderful weekend MBers. The weather is supposed to be nice here and I hope to get in 10-12 miles of walking with DGS. Spring is right around the corner. It's going to be a nice one I think.
Our only senior kept tearing up at her final practice last night. She is a great kid and will do well
It's hard to say good bye,,,,,and I have a feeling that despite not having the record you all would like, having you as her coach in her final year made it very special & she will remember it fondly all of her life.
My goodness, this
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Hi guys – Just in case I don’t get a chance this evening I’d like to take a moment to say Thank you! Thanks for a great season for K and all the girls. After last year, well, we just weren’t sure what was going to happen – thanks for taking on the challenge, sticking with them, and helping them to look toward their future with SLHS basketball. You both take care of the girls on and off the court – as a parent you just can’t ask for more from a coach. Thanks for all your hard work and dedication”
Is the dream message of every coach from every parent.
You are a class act, Chris. Thanks for coaching some of us here, too. It's a game we didn't chose to play, but it's helpful when others share their experiences.
Wow, what a great letter. WH coached soccer for years and after every game we could count on a call from an upset parent because their kid didn't get treated fairly blah blah blah. It got old. And it was usually from a parent who would never think of volunteering their time to help coach. When DD was a teen, she attended ref school so that she could ref games for the little ones (6, 7, 8 yrs old). She quit after 3 games because the parents gave her such a hard time. There are a few good ones out there though.
Season’s over. We had a great game on the road for 3-quarters last Friday night. The team we played had 7-seniors out of the 11 in uniform. We started 1-senior, 2-juniors, one sophomore and Chuck the freshman. Our only subs were 4-sophomores and another freshman.
They took the first quarter 15-12. We outscored them 13-12 in the second still giving them a 27-25 edge at halftime. Last time we played them in our gym the halftime score was 37-14.
We tied them up twice during the 3rd quarter but it ended with us down 44-40. This was not supposed to be happening. Their coach looked exasperated and yelled out to his team, “They’re not going away ladies.”
Then in the 4th quarter, his seniors had finally had enough. The PT Boats suddenly found themselves surrounded by five pissed off Iowa Class battleships, 16” guns a blazin. And the PT-Boats had used most of their torpedoes. Can you say dominated? Sure, I knew you could.
With a nice comfortable lead he finally pulled his seniors one at a time for their last announcement and cheer from the home crowd. And then for a couple minutes everyone in the gym got the trailer preview of next season. The PT-Boats versus The Model 6604 1976 2-stroke smoking blue cloud Evinrude powered bass boats. Can you say dominated? Sure, I knew you could.
Right at the end of the game our lone senior tied up the ball with their only big junior they will have for next year and shook her around like a Doberman with a bunny. When it was over our B turned around and walked to the ref with the ball on her hip while their great hope of next year lay sprawled on the floor looking like she might cry.
Chuck had 6-points, one bucket (a terrific pick-pocket steal off their point for a layup at the end) and went 4 of 6 from the line. Another solid game from her.
The kids were very pumped after the game in the locker room and are already talking about next year. The parents were beaming and talking about next year.
Also, our Level 3 team won a pretty close exciting game Saturday. They finished the season with a 13-6 record and are the first winning level 3 girls team in the history of our school. The L3 had never beaten the L3 team they played in the history of the school. Good stuff. A very happy team.
DD21’s JV team kind of melted down and got hammered pretty hard Saturday. JV’s all, basically have the middle child syndrome. L3 is Cindy. JV is Jan. Varsity is Marsha. “It’s not fair! Marsha! Marsha! Marsha!”
Of all the coaches, DD is probably most happy this season is over.
It will be weird to be home by 5:15 tonight. Fortunately I have about 1,123 projects around the house that have been neglected for about 6-months. Time to get to work.
Thought I would start a new thread so it can be edited again.
Today is our 26th wedding anniversary. I am not expecting to find a card in the mailbox when I get home tonight.
It has not even been 6-months since D-Day. Six months ago I could not have even imagined this and would never have believed it if someone told me I would be here today. There is only 37 days left until the D is final. My marriage is 99.62% over.
I think I will celebrate my anniversary at home by finding more crap to throw out tonight.
DD19 reluctantly agreed to have dinner with Wayzilla Friday night. It was scheduled for 6:00 PM and as usual Wayzilla called DD five minutes after and gave the now standard, “I’m just leaving work now and am running a little late.” She got there about 20 minutes late just as DD was leaving. If improving her relationship with her daughter is high on her list, she has a lot of work to do.
DD stayed less than an hour, ordered the most expensive thing on the menu (lobster) and brought almost all of it home in a box. There’s a nut that did not fall to far from the paternal tree.
Wayzilla proudly showed DD the bikini line tattoo artwork some young yard guy at her company drew just for her (insert puking emoticon). DD just told her, “Mom, you’re 45 years old.”
Mid-life crisis from He!!.
“I just grew up.” – Wayzilla on D-Day
Happy Birthday Old Thread!
If I had not seen Cat's post on DNU1's thread, I would not even remembered it today.
So to all the betrayed out there facing the last days of their marriage, you're going to be okay. You really are.
The worst injury you will ever receive, from the person you trusted most on Earth, does heal.
My best advice is to Plan B your WX as dark as you can. Children make it tougher, but don’t use that as a crutch. You can still be very dark even with kids.
I have had no contact with Wayzilla for over 22-months. What a blessing.
Don’t dwell on the Karma Bus. It moves at its own speed on its own schedule. In truth, it may never come. It doesn’t really matter.
You’re the one who has grown and learned and have a real future. It will be as bright as you make it.
I think you could be the poster child for what Personal Recovery looks like, Chrisner. Congratulations on moving on and living well...with class and a great sense humor.
Thanks for this post Chrisner. My anniversary (36 yrs) is in a couple of weeks and my D should be coming soon. Wow, I'm 2 1/2 yrs past dday now, and I think I just realized that I will probably be OK. I don't think any of us thought that our marriages would really end, but here we are. I haven't spoken to WH in 19 months. And yes, the darkest Plan B that you can do is the best. I've gotten to the point where I really wouldn't have anything to say to him anyway......
Wow, I'm 2 1/2 yrs past dday now, and I think I just realized that I will probably be OK.
I am glad to hear this Chai. I admire a lot of people here but you are right at the top. After all you have been through and are still standing leaves me pretty secure in the prediction that you will make it just fine.
My D-Day was Thanksgiving of 2006 and your was Christmas of 2006. A nasty diseased raccoon pooped all over the turkeys that year huh?
Originally Posted by Chai
I've gotten to the point where I really wouldn't have anything to say to him anyway......
Yep, the imaginary conversations of a showdown where you verbally whip their sorry wayward [censored] just........fade to black.
Yep, the imaginary conversations of a showdown where you verbally whip their sorry wayward [censored] just........fade to black.
It's pointless and life is to short.
For the longest time, I wanted that Karma bus to ram the Z into oblivion, even up until recently. My very first Dday was way back in July '05. That seems a million years ago, now. What goes around does come around, and not because of some karmic vehicle. It's usually just a product of choices, IMO. Poor ones, especially those made hastily, tend to bring the heaviest price.
I actually find it to be all too easy to whip wayward [censored], since I've got such a huge arsenal. I just don't have the stomach for it, especially since I share young child with this person. It's energy that I could put toward something positive.
The Z f'd up, and I believe he now knows it, even though I think he just feels sorry for himself. That's good enough for me. Maybe he'll learn something. I dunno, that's not my job...
I miss your posts on coaching. How are things this season? How is DD?
Hi HTLD.
You had to dig pretty deep to find this goofy old thread. Did you do a search for �thongs� and find it?
I have only been lurking around here every few days or so occasionally returning like a moth to the flame. The great MB purge lost the events of the death of my sister and the support I received here that was very valuable to me. After that I kind of started my inevitable �fade to black� from MB. There are a few stories (HH, Hope, Chai and a couple others) I want to see to their conclusion and an occasional interesting �theory� thread here I so I check in now and then.
DD22 is doing pretty good. She is still in school getting good grades and working every hour she can. The stressed life of a college student. She has pretty limited contact with her mother as Wayzilla now lives with Gollum and works for him in the �ol western wear store. DD22 and I almost never speak of her anymore. Wayzilla has finally ceased all attempts to probe my post marriage Plan B.
DD�s relationship with her grandparents has improved quite a bit since the day DGS and I worked together with them to help move DD to her new place. This is good. I think Wayzilla�s parents have come to a stark new place regarding her adultery. I exchanged Christmas cards with her parents and sisters for the first time since the divorce and got a birthday card from all of them as well. This is good too.
The team had a great 61-45 league win last night on the road and we have seven tough games to go. Chuck played so hard she had to be assisted out of the building by her grandmother. She scored 12 points and was as always tenacious on defense holding a girl who averages 19 points a game to a season low 7. One would have to go back around 5-years to find a league win of that magnitude. We are currently 9-7 with 7 tough games to go. We will have to win 3 of those games to be confident we can make the state playoffs. Still the team is not where I expected them to be at this point. I fully believed before the season that we would be solid down to the 6th or even 7th player but we are really being carried by 4-girls. I just can�t seem to get 2-3 of them to step up. That and we free-throw shoot slightly worse than a 5th grade YMCA team. That has cost us directly 2-wins. Ouch. We just have to keep after them I guess.
As for me I am doing pretty darn well. Oh, every few weeks I have a few days of sadness mixed with anxiety and reflection. I am in one of those funks right now. So much has happened in just a little over 3-years it sometimes is hard to put it all in perspective. Mom�s death in September of 2006 (the undiscovered adultery was really heating up then) followed by D-day on Thanksgiving, Plan A, exposure, the near but not quite fatal blow to the adultery, withdrawal, the inability to prevent contact, contact, fog bank, false recovery, Wayzilla�s flight to freedom and independence three years ago this Friday, Plan B, divorce, picking up the pieces for a shattered DD, the uncharted mine field that is self recovery and of course the death of my sister this past Memorial Day. She was an absolute rock for me during this time and I miss her so very much. I believe that the adultery has really not allowed me to fully process and grieve the loss of my mother and sister and that really sucks. Another gift from Wayzilla. I have had no professional counseling at all during this but I am starting to think it might be helpful. We�ll see.
But if I focus on looking forward and at all the good things in my life, DD22, DGS, my house, my gardens, my job, my team, my friends (all of the marital friends stuck by me) and that I want for nothing at all I can right myself pretty quick. Oh, and the smothered enchiladas and margaritas at the Rio Grande in Fort Collins.
Life after adultery does exist and can be as good and as fulfilling as you want to make it.
As for me I am doing pretty darn well. Oh, every few weeks I have a few days of sadness mixed with anxiety and reflection. I am in one of those funks right now. So much has happened in just a little over 3-years it sometimes is hard to put it all in perspective. Mom�s death in September of 2006 (the undiscovered adultery was really heating up then) followed by D-day on Thanksgiving, Plan A, exposure, the near but not quite fatal blow to the adultery, withdrawal, the inability to prevent contact, contact, fog bank, false recovery, Wayzilla�s flight to freedom and independence three years ago this Friday, Plan B, divorce, picking up the pieces for a shattered DD, the uncharted mine field that is self recovery and of course the death of my sister this past Memorial Day. She was an absolute rock for me during this time and I miss her so very much. I believe that the adultery has really not allowed me to fully process and grieve the loss of my mother and sister and that really sucks. Another gift from Wayzilla. I have had no professional counseling at all during this but I am starting to think it might be helpful. We�ll see.
But if I focus on looking forward and at all the good things in my life, DD22, DGS, my house, my gardens, my job, my team, my friends (all of the marital friends stuck by me) and that I want for nothing at all I can right myself pretty quick. Oh, and the smothered enchiladas and margaritas at the Rio Grande in Fort Collins.
Life after adultery does exist and can be as good and as fulfilling as you want to make it.
Hey Chris,
Yes, it has been 3 yrs of h3ll on my end too. I could have written the exact same thing. Just be glad that Wayzilla didn't drag you through court for two years. Having XWH charge me with everything under the sun was worse than the A itself. WH may have walked away with most of the money, but I am glad that I have my health instead (at least as far as I know).
Like you, I am now thankful for what I do have in my life, and I think I am healing nicely. Actually better than expected. If you have read my thread you'll know that I think XWH married Miss Mullet. I thought that I would fall apart if that ever happened, but instead it closed a door and has actually given me some relief and a new will to get on with my single life. It actually isn't that bad. I kind of like the freedom, the ability to do whatever I darn well please, and the knowledge that I know my life is now under MY control. There are down days here and there for me too, but they don't last too long now.
Here's to Aloo Gobi, Kasmiri Nan, and Masala Chai at the Tandoor...... Yum.
Glad to see your post, too, Chris. It's a comfort to hear words of wisdom from someone ahead of us on the trail. I like that you are keeping tabs on us. Yeah... me too, as for wanting to know how my story ends. Time will tell. Can't jump ahead to the last chapter which is probably a good thing.
My goal right now is keeping my head above water, enjoying life with the kids, and building back my mental health.
I had this whole long posts written yesterday and hit "submit".......and MB went down!! Grrr!!! and, darnit!, I was FUNNY!!
So now, you get the Readers Digest Version.....
Oh, nevermind, most others have said some of what I was gonna say, anyway.
It's great to hear from you, coach.
If you would like those posts from and about your sister, contact the moderators. They may be able to recover them for you and get them to you. I, too, used to go back and read them......... what a wonderful woman.
I just thought this needed to be reposted, just in case anyone missed it.
Hey Fred. I have followed your story a little. There are several similarities. You seem like you have arrived in a better place.
Originally Posted by Chai
Yes, it has been 3 yrs of h3ll on my end too. I could have written the exact same thing. Just be glad that Wayzilla didn't drag you through court for two years.
No Chai, I did not have to go through the ringer you and Holy have. Your adulterous idiot husbands are unbelievable. What�s all the hate about?
Wayzilla wanted out of the marriage faster than a cow wants out of a piranha infested river.
Originally Posted by Chai
If you have read my thread you'll know that I think XWH married Miss Mullet. I thought that I would fall apart if that ever happened, but instead it closed a door and has actually given me some relief and a new will to get on with my single life.
Gollum has yet to make a honest woman out of Wayzilla. At least to my knowledge. It�s been 3-1/2 years of stolemeating and nearly 6-months of co-habimating. Wonder what he�s waiting for? I think about it occasionally but I don�t think it will really bother me that much. And if he does I imagine he will prenup her up the wazoo. But I have to give her credit. She is still in the game stalking her money bags western wear sugar daddy with all her enticing piercings, tattoos and multi-ported semen receptacle skills.
Originally Posted by Chai
It actually isn't that bad. I kind of like the freedom, the ability to do whatever I darn well please, and the knowledge that I know my life is now under MY control.
Me too! You have been amazing Chai.
Originally Posted by Holy
I like that you are keeping tabs on us.
I pull for you guys and your kids every day even when I am not here. Your personal recoveries have been phenomenal from where you were when you first arrived here.
Originally Posted by Cowgirl
I had this whole long posts written yesterday and hit "submit".......and MB went down!! Grrr!!! and, darnit!, I was FUNNY!!
Always Ctrl C copy your whole post before you hit submit on the long ones goofy. I wanted the funny!
Glad all is well for you. Have to say I expected no less!
I am pleased for DD and for you both, to have re-connected with the Ex-Laws. I look at that as Winning back something adultery attempted to steal from you both. Chalk one up for the good guys!
Not to dwell on this, but I would encourage you on -
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I have had no professional counseling at all during this but I am starting to think it might be helpful. We�ll see
Although I am blessed enough to have my siblings with me & can only begin to imagine how horribly difficult it was for you to lose your sister, you have done an amazing job of working through an incredible amount of grief. Combined with all of the events prior, this has no doubt, added immeasureably to the load you carried.
JMHO, the timing may be just right for some counseling. You are very stable in your life as a whole. You have your feet firmly planted and the land beneath you is no longer shifting from the temor shocks of the past. It is from this more solid ground that you may be able to work through the any lurking issues of the past and grieve more completely for your sister. I hesitate to use the work 'completely', as I don't think grief is something that comes to completion, but I have been unable to find a better word. I'm sure you understand my meaning.
Keep up the great work. Push those girls and keep them at the line! They HAVE come a long way & will keep getting better under your amazing direction!
If you listen carefully you can almost hear him saying, �My Wesssssssssstern Wear.�
A big win last night in a gym our school has not had a victory in since DD22 was a junior player. Chuck iced the game once again be going 5 of 8 from the line in the 4th. There were seven ties or lead changes in the 4th but we took the lead with 1:30 left and held on for a 44-41 win.
Unfortunately we have blown a couple huge opportunities the past 3-weeks and are very much a bubble team to make the state tournament. Our last game of the regular season is Friday against the team that won the conference last night and holds a 11-1 league record. So, you know, I gotta think we have them right where we want them.
Our last home game and senior night was last Tuesday and was a pretty emotional night for all and particularly our 3-seniors. They rewarded the crowd with a 59-25 thumpin of our closest rival in the league. It was a lot of fun. So we followed that up by losing to the last place team in the league on Thursday night by a single point, 31-30. They played terrible and as usual shot horrible from the free throw line. Arrrrrrrrrrrg!
Still the team is 11-11 and has won as many games this season as the past two combined. Of course we have some dissenting parents lurking in shadows here and there and a little annoying buzz in the background that this team should have done muuuuuuch better this year so I guess we will see. Parents are geniuses after all. They just never take their vast knowledge of basketball and coaching and apply for an opening. And every year there are more and more coaching openings particularly for girl�s sports. Gosh, I wonder why?
Oh well, if we make state all will be well, if not���..who knows. I won�t worry about this one way or the other.
DD22 is doing pretty well. Good days and some bad. I wish I could see her more but that�s life these days. I guess she talks to Wayzilla every couple days or so but we never really speak of her. I think Wayzilla has only come down a couple times since Christmas.
For me, �Plan B for Life!� The only way to fly! Honestly, more of you here really need to try it.
DGS is well but struggling with the fear of pending big budget cuts in her school district and the ongoing challenges of raising her DS18 alone. This includes all the typical problems such as finally graduating high school, not leaving a debris field of food containers, dirty dishes and clothes across the house, taking care of his own keys, phones, chargers, and of course scary looking pierced and tattooed emo-girlfriends of questionably nature. But he is really a good kid disguising himself in black and gory Cannibal Corpse and Gwar heavy metal garb (come on, he squeals when he sees kittens) and I know he will come out okay.
I am really looking forward to spring and the gardens. Damn your mangy flea ridden hide Punxsutawney Phil!
I always love to see an update from you. Yours was the first thread that I read the whole way through when I first found MB in June of 07. I admire your fortitude.
Pretty cool Pep. Clowns AND zombies! What could possibly go wrong?
I would like to see this guy and Pennywise in a cage match. I�m gonna take Pennywise in round 3.
The clown is pretty quick too. The old school zombies were always so slow as they shuffled along moaning, �mmmmmmm�..Braaaaaaaains.�
I always figured all you would have to do is trot a little ahead of them until you gathered up 30-40 and then lead them over to the U-Pump-It and light-em up. I mean really! How do those morons in the old movies get caught?
Well as long as I am here I might as well update.
Basketball is over of course but we did make the state tournament for the first time in 4-years. We had to play our first round game in Mordor Springs! I was only a couple miles from the western wear empire and Gollum�s Luv Palace. Bleech! DD came down to see the game and she admitted it was pretty weird knowing they were that close.
We got beat pretty bad but it was good to get there. A local cable channel televised it live with commentators and the whole lot. I was interviewed and got to use all those stupid clich�s coaches can get away with.
You know the: �What kind of adjustments do you think you need for the second half coach?
�Well we have to step up the defensive pressure get more physical under the boards and get our turnovers down.�
Duh.
That�s the only line any basketball coach ever has to learn.
This was the nicest school and crowd I had ever been around. It was a packed house and great atmosphere for the game. Wish we had played better.
Tomorrow is national signing day and I have a media signing to go to for my power forward. She is signing for a college in��.Mordor Springs. She was selected to the All-State list last weekend. I am pretty proud of her. I started coaching her when she was in the 7th grade.
DD22 is doing very well at school but she is behind a little more than a semester due to her transferring during Wayzilla�s little transgressions. So, of course the two of them went at it again last week as Wayzilla is baulking at paying for any books past the 4th year. She laid it all in DD�s lap. More tears and angst. Oh well.
Wayzilla: �What�s your father�s feeling about this?�
DD: �He�s supportive. He understands what I can and can�t control.�
Wayzilla: �Well, that�s just great that your dad is so cool!�
Wah huh Whaaat???
I guess she is still waiting for her ring. Maybe that�s why she is so cranky. She should go out knock down a couple buildings and power lines or flip a crowded bus or something. Maybe that would make her feel better.
Thanks for the link Pep. Every time I go to YouTube now it says my browser is not supported any longer but then works just fine anyway.
Oh and P.S.: DGS got a new contract at her school district so she is safe for next year. Quite a relief.
I am in a suburb about 5-miles north and west of Denver. Right between Denver and the People�s Republic of Boulder.
Yesterday it got up to 80 degrees around town and this morning I had to brush an inch of snow off my car. It is supposed to be like this for a few days.
I went out last night with DD22 and a friend of hers to play trivia at BW3 but the trivia guy never showed up.
Darn and I sooooo knew it was going to be my night when the guy was surely going to ask lots of Napoleonic and Augustan Rome questions and not foolish babble about celebrities and rock bands I have never heard of. I am sure that�s what would have happened.
So I just had wings and a couple beers instead. Well I would have anyway.
I don't know why people call the place BW3 when clearly there are only 2-W's.
Maybe Beau knows.
It used to be called Buffalo Wild Wings & Weck. They stopped serving the weck, but the nickname stuck (BW3 flows off the tongue much better than BW2. Plus, the original name and acronym, BW3, was intentionally reminiscent of the acronym TW3 popularly used in referring to the television show That Was The Week That Was, a show of which co-founder James Disbrow was a fan.
Weck is short for kummelweck which used to be served at the restaurant. Kummelweck, also sometimes kimmelweck or k�mmelweck is a variation of the kaiser roll that is popular in Western New York. K�mmel is the German word for caraway, and weck means "roll" in the south-western German dialects (actually "weckerl" or "weckchen") of the Baden and Swabia areas (northern Germans generally say Br�tchen).
A traditional kummelweck roll has a mixture of Kosher salt and caraway seeds used as the toppings. Regionally, the name kummelweck is commonly shortened to �weck" or "wick". This type of roll is used as part of a "Beef on Weck" sandwich that is served in the Buffalo, New York and upstate area. Sliced roast beef, au jus and an optional prepared horseradish topping are used as ingredients in this type of sandwich.
I 'think' it was you who posted a speech you gave every year to the team you coach for about how the buys lurvee them but will mess up their plans for the future without giving the same back.
Or maybe it was someone else.
If it was you, can you post it again? I want to give it to DD13 to read.
If it was someone else, do you know who so I can go hit them up for it???
I think it was on Cowgirl�s thread and was lost in the Great MB Purge.
I have coached girls from 5th grade to 12th grade so the message changes a little based on the age of the audience but it basically is as follows:
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Ladies, let�s talk about boys. There is not anything a boy won�t want you to do for him. They have lots of wants. He will want you to ditch class for him. He will want you to skip basketball practice for him. He will want you to stop seeing your friends for him. He will want you to go to college where he wants to go to college. He will want you front and center at all his games. He will want you to go to parties where things happen that can get you suspended, expelled or removed from your team. And he will want all these things because he Luuuuuuuuuuuuuvs you soooooooo much (best performed as Ernest T. Bass). Not as much as his friends or video games but he Luuuuuuuuuuuuuvs you.
But understand one thing ladies. A boy will not do any of these things for you. He will never skip his sports practice for you. He won�t come to your games if he has better plans. He will never change plans with his friends for you. He may not even set down his game console for you. He Luuuuuuuvs you only when it is convenient or he wants something.
Don�t ever let the selfish wants of a mere and easily replaced boy determine your future and your success. You are all worth so much more than that.
Now get on the baseline and run some lines while you think about that.
This is good - wished I had it a few years ago. My daughter got involved in the wrong crowd - well - eventually was pregnant at 17. Dont get me wrong - my grand daughter is biggest joy in my life. Its like I have a second chance.
Tough lesson for my daughter but I made a deal - all expenses are taken care of = finish HS and finish college = the non-sense and gang skater girl dress is gone and she is doing well.
My company is mounting a crane and body for a customer and as part of the deal they traded in a 4-year old but never mounted service body they had bought. They changed their plan and never mounted it on a truck.
When I saw it way out in the back lot I recognized it as the brand of body we sold at the place where Wayzilla, Gollum and I all had worked. I checked it out and sure enough there was a packet of sales paperwork in the body compartments that indicated it was sold from the Mordor Springs facility where Gollum was the manager and main sales rep.
It was sold exactly 2-weeks before my Thanksgiving D-Day in 2006. And Gollum�s business card was in there. I flipped the page and there was a sales document signed by��.Wayzilla. She was going down (literally) there every Tuesday and Thursday as the office manager at that time. There is no doubt they stained the sheets somewhere that evening.
How odd is that?.
DD22 saw Wayzilla on Wednesday. They had their Father�s Day dinner for XFIL. I guess she was all cowboy booted and western weared up. She drove down in �their� new Dodge D3500 diesel pickup (left "their" Caddy home this time). �They� are looking to get a bigger, nicer place with property a little out of the city but �they� will probably keep �their� other place to rent as �they� have just recently done a $24,000 kitchen remodel. She of course calls the western wear palace, �theirs�.
SHE has not fully paid for DD�s summer books yet. I can�t even afford new carpet.
Oh well.
I get to go up to Larimie, Wyoming Sunday with 16 high school girls to play 16 games of basketball at nearly 8,000 ft elevation and high temperatures. I get to sleep in a dorm bed that my feet hang over. There is no AC. The food is ummmmmm....not inspirational.
Sorry for the trigger Chris. It is weird. I recently passed XWH on the road 100 miles from here. That was weird too. Our paths will cross at times - it's just a law of the universe.
I guess my question is this - if things are so wonderful, they are soul mates and all of that other happy horse hockey, then WHY AREN'T THEY MARRIED YET????
All of the affairs that I know of personally(my WH's NOT included as I am in Plan B), are most certainly NOT "happy." They are actually WORSE than the marriages they left. Even the ones that became affairages were WORSE than the original marriages.
Yes, me too Scotty.....I just dont know why we have a hard time believing that about our own WH's affairs....Maybe because we dont associate with our WH's so we dont really get to see the down and dirty reality of it...we just have our own imaginations that run wild with thoughts of their happiness.
Still, it's not that I don't think that WH's affair is happy. I meant that I don't KNOW because I am in Plan B. That's the way it is supposed to be. I can imagine things but those are the what ifs that do no good.
Chrisner, seeing what your DD had to say about Wazilla makes me THANKFUL I am in Plan B. It would make me CRINGE to hear all of those GREAT things about my WH. Even if I did know they were lies.
Back from Laramie, Wyoming. EeeeeeeeeeHaaaaaaa!! Hot dorms and fine cafeteria cuisine!
On the morning of the second day the Wyoming head women's coach came over to me and said, �You have probably noticed by now that I moved you up to the top division. We needed a couple teams to fill that division and after watching you guys last year I really believe you can compete there.�
Boy had I ever noticed. Of the 7-high school teams we played (we also played an all-star club team) we had from last season: - A combined win record of 133-49 (73%) - The Wyoming State Champ (22-7) - A Wyoming Final 4 team. (22-6) - A Colorado 5A Final 4 team. (23-7) - A Colorado 4A Sweet 16 team. (21-4) - A Colorado 3A State Runner-up. (21-5)
Oh, and us at 11-13 last year.
We went 2-6 including a win over the club team. The Colorado final 4 team beat us by 5 and we lead about half the game. The 3A runner up beat us at the buzzer with an off balance, left hand, double teamed fade away 3-pointer. Arrrrggggggg!!
The Wyoming state champ ruffed us up a bit in a 16 point loss but the coach told me after we gave them about the best game they had there. Our average loss to the other five teams was only by 4-points.
The Wyo head coach watched us play Laramie on the arena floor Tuesday night. He had come to scout a couple of the Laramie players but we virtually shut both those kids down and probably hurt their stock value. Laramie is currently the #2 ranked team in Wyoming with a 22-6 record from last season. We lost by 2 in a sudden death overtime and lead about 2/3s of the game.
Chuck played magnificent as the newly crowned starting point guard. We brought up an incoming sophomore who ended last season hitting 14 3-pointers in her last 3 JV games. She hit 10 threes in Wyoming.
The JV went 5-3 so they were pretty pumped too.
This was very encouraging for next season. I am sooooooo tired.
Although it�s not really my job they asked me if I could help find a buyer for Gollum�s service body as soon as possible. I will happily comply to get that thing out of here.
Originally Posted by Chai
Sorry for the trigger Chris. It is weird.
It really was not that big a trigger Chai. Just an uncanny coincidence. Really stunning.
Originally Posted by Scotty
I thought the universe was CRUEL to ME.
The universe does seem to have its share of pranksters Scotty.
Originally Posted by Scotty Again
Chrisner, seeing what your DD had to say about Wazilla makes me THANKFUL I am in Plan B. It would make me CRINGE to hear all of those GREAT things about my WH. Even if I did know they were lies.
Lies? Truth? Who knows? I am sure it is probably a little rose water sprinkled on a runny diseased raccoon poop but who knows. It really does not matter anymore. I know she is not on the title of any of the properties or vehicles. He owns it all.
She needs that ring! Where's the ring Gollum? What did you do with it you deformed little Scalawag?
What do you call a woman who lives with a man who provides her with room and board in HIS house, spending cash from working in HIS store, access to HIS new vehicles for a few services provided in exchange? I knows what Mel would call her.
I'll give you a hint. It rhymes with SORE and I am sure she is in a few places. A whole new meaning to The Crack of Doom.
Although it�s not really my job they asked me if I could help find a buyer for Gollum�s service body as soon as possible. I will happily comply to get that thing out of here.
I do look forward to the day I can say I sold Gollum's body.
I absolutely HATE LOTR because it was a movie that my FWH and OW went to see and experienced together. It's still a big trigger... I know this because it seems like its on every other weekend on cable around here!
It looks like I found someone to sell Gollum�s body to! Yea!
Glad to have that piece of crap gone.
DD22 went down to Mordor Springs last Saturday to meet up with her mother for lunch, lectures and shopping. No Gollums allowed thankfully.
She got the Wayzilla personal $.10 tour of the Great Western Wear Emporium.
Eeeeeeeee Friggidy Hawwwwwww!!
DD said it was a�..ummmm�.funny little store�.with lots of western wear. Not sure what she expected. A western wear Nordstrom�s? Pony rides? A roller coaster?
My XILs 50th is next month. DGS and I will send some flowers or something. I imagine this will be the event where DD finally comes in some sort of contact with Gollum. Hopefully the only contact will be her boot to his Rocky Mountain Oysters.
My XSIL still wants to find an hour or so to see me when she comes to town. Still wonder about that.
Originally Posted by Dad Helper
Glad to know your girls are doing well and your coaching skills are getting noticed. Perhaps they'll hire you for a big college team someday.
I think I have another 2-years left in me. At least get Chuck through high school. It�s a lot of work and stress. And parents. You gotta love the parents.
Otherwise all is well. Passed the 3-year mark on Wayzilla�s happiest day ever last month with little thought about it. This is good.
Well, I better write that work order to mount Gollum�s body.
Hang the little doo-dads from the bumper of the truck.
I'm thinking a Tonka Truck is necessary for the sake of scale.
Chris, so glad thing are going well!
I especially admire your commitment to coach until Chuck graduates. There is something very special with the relationship between some coaches & players. I am certain it means a lot to know you will be there thru Senior year!
I'm going to have to schedule some additional time in one of my trips out your way in the near future! I'll be in Lakewood, CO tomorrow, but just in for the day.
Be sure to have an appropriate set of shifty looking glass eyes done on Gollum!
I got to wave goodbye to Gollum�s body last week. It�s outta here!
I had a fun dinner with DD22 last night. She told me a new Tale of Wayzilla that left me rolling on the floor laughing.
DD called Wayzilla recently around lunch time and surprisingly she actually answered. That does not happen often. She was at lunch with Gollum and she was in blubbering tears. The conversation went a thus:
DD: What�s wrong Mom?
WayZ: He *snivel sob* bought *snort snivel* two wagons!! *Bwahhhhh blubber*
DD: Huh? Wagons? What?
WayZ: Antique farm wagons! * SOB!* We have been spending SOOOOOOOOOO much money lately! *Bwaahhhhhh blubber snort*
Gollum in background agitated: It was a good deal. Basically two for the price of one!
WayZ: Bwaaahhhhhhhhhh!!! SOB SOB!!
Wayzilla admitted to DD in a follow up call that evening that she cried through the entire lunch. Then I guess he told her he was bidding on an antique 1930�s fire truck. He wants to fix it up, paint it and drive it in the annual Mordor Springs parade advertising the western wear emporium.
Maybe they can get a Dalmatian suit for Wayzilla so she can sit up front with him. I would have to break Plan B to see that.
I guess one of the wagons is already sitting in front of the old western wear emporium (unrelated thought: I wonder how well those things burn) and the other can be admired in their weedy backyard. I understand that Gollum is not much on yard work. She loved my yard and gardens.
Man, so this morning I Googled up antique farm wagons and was stunned. If he did not spend thousands on those wagons he would have had nothing but a pile of kindling. Some of these things sell for 16K or more! There were just wheels and chassis with no box selling for 5K! Unbelievable.
Well I will say that I have no recollection of Wayzilla crying through a meal with me in our 26 years together. But what the heck. It�s his money and he can spend it however he likes. It�s not like their married or anything.
WayZ: Antique farm wagons! * SOB!* We have been spending SOOOOOOOOOO much money lately! *Bwaahhhhhh blubber snort*
Gollum in background agitated: It was a good deal. Basically two for the price of one!
WayZ: Bwaaahhhhhhhhhh!!! SOB SOB!!
"And told me that he thought we could camp out in them for a while-- his and hers, maybe live off the land if we have to. Why save $$ for a fancy smancy wedding?"
Sounds like WayZ is 'workin' the manipulation card,,,,,
I honestly can�t remember Wayzilla crying in front of me 2-times in 26 years. And here she is blubbering through an entire lunch because of how he is spending his own money. (There was that night she got drunk during Plan A and was blubbering while I held her hair out of the toilet but I am not counting it).
If she was really distraught about this it�s pretty pathetic. If it was mostly a drama queen skit then it was ���pretty pathetic. But FUNNY!!
They were both taking .45�s to each others Lurve Buckets and reloading for more. Stolebaits for life!
And when she looks out of HIS expensive remodeled kitchen window into HIS weedy back yard she will always be seeing HIS brilliantly purchased antique farm wagon in all its triggery glory. And when she goes to work at HIS store and parks HIS Cadillac or HIS D3500 in HIS parking lot she will get to see HIS other antique farm wagon loaded with resentment.
And maybe soon she will get to wash HIS 1930�s fire truck for the big parade. If she�s good maybe he will let her ring HIS fire truck bell.
I think it will cost her a boatload of BJs to make up for her hissy fit / disrespectful judgments of how he spends HIS money. Poor thing. I sense a OW in the not too distant future. One that doesn't nag or cry or get mad that her hero is buying crap instead of a wedding ring ....
What do you think Way-Z will do when Gollum does cheat on her? I think she'll probably cling to him even harder. I doubt she'll leave him unless he makes her leave to make way for the new OW (and really can we really call the next girl an OW and the act "cheating"? I mean, BFD, they're not married). He'll have to kick her out on the streets for her to leave. I mean, afterall, how many eligible (nevermind, they obviously don't even have to be eligible) men does she work with at Western Wear? How is she supposed to meet someone new to relationship jump to?
What do you think Way-Z will do when Gollum does cheat on her? I think she'll probably cling to him even harder. I doubt she'll leave him unless he makes her leave to make way for the new OW (and really can we really call the next girl an OW and the act "cheating"? I mean, BFD, they're not married). He'll have to kick her out on the streets for her to leave. I mean, afterall, how many eligible (nevermind, they obviously don't even have to be eligible) men does she work with at Western Wear? How is she supposed to meet someone new to relationship jump to?
I have thought about this from time to time Jim.
What are the options?
A. Murder/suicide. DGS stands by this one. No kidding she really believes this one could happen. Other friends who know her have backed this one too. B. She voluntarily leaves with nothing. I doubt that one. No way. C. Cling to him harder. Yep Jim, I would go with that one. Beg, plead, cry. You can hear her wailing, �I�ve given up sooooooo much for you.� He will have to kick her out kicking and screaming.
I can�t imagine how unappealing that was to him to have her blubber and fuss all through lunch about HIS money and what HE chooses to do with it.
It is interesting though. Colorado�s common-law status kicks in at a mere 6-months. They have lived together for a year now. I wonder if he was smart enough to do a little legal checking before he opened the door? Everything is in his name but���Hmmmm��
It is my understanding about common law .... It applies only to the assets acquired after the "kick in status". Assets previous to the "friends with benefits" are individually owned. Am I mistaken about this? Also, if he is a paid employee of his own corporation .... The corporation is not required to pay palimony. He may hold very few personal assets. Who knows?
It is my understanding about common law .... It applies only to the assets acquired after the "kick in status". Assets previous to the "friends with benefits" are individually owned. Am I mistaken about this? Also, if he is a paid employee of his own corporation .... The corporation is not required to pay palimony. He may hold very few personal assets. Who knows?
Very BIG misconceptions about common law marriages. First, not many states accept this premise. Second, you have to actively pass yourselves off as married. It would be pretty hard for Wayzilla to prove that Gollum had the intent to cohabitate as man and wife. So in reality she would be (literally) up sh*t creek without a paddle.
DD22 had lunch with the XIL�s yesterday. That relationship has improved a lot this past year which is a good thing. Their 50th is coming up on August 9th and on the 8th there is a large party/BBQ at idiot XBIL�s place.
At the end XMIL hugged DD and said, �Tell your Father that I love him, miss him and have thought a lot about him lately. Please let him know he is invited to the party on Sunday.�
A surprised DD asked about WayZ�s opinion of this and XMIL said, �I already asked her and she is fine with your Father being there.�
Now DD and I have always expected that Gollum would be there as it is the only day the store closed and heck, it�s his stolebaits parent's 50th after all. If it is his custody Sunday his son may be there as well.
Would they be that oblivious as to inviting me to a party Gollum would be at? Talk about a recipe for disaster. I doubt that Wayzilla has forgotten the day a few weeks after D-Day when looking a bit like a sleep deprived Hannibal Lector I calmly told her that the perfect Saturday would be spent slowly scraping Gollum�s face off with a butter knife. She believed me because I really meant it.
Is he going to be there?
If Gollum does not attend this party it speaks volumes about the real nature of their relationship after 4-years.
No matter. The odds of me attending this party are slightly worse than Dracula grabbing a beach chair to work on his tan in Malibu. But it is fun to imagine all the possibilities eh folks?
I have however already made arrangements for a flower arrangement and card to be sent to XIL�s house.
But��
Before we hung up I made some crack about crying over wagon trains. DD responded with, �Dad, you don�t understand. This was not sniff, sniff tear. She was uncontrollably sobbing. I could barely understand anything she said. When she could not get it under control she told me she would call back later and hung up.�
Uncontrolled sobbing in a restaurant?
Hmmmmmm���.
Now I always thought this whole thing was pretty strange but then it hit me. This could not possibly be just about a couple of wagons he bought with his money. I lived with her for over 25-years. Wayzilla�s M.O. regarding the disapproval of wagons would have been the deadly combination of stony silence, �the stare� and a sudden drop in room temperature of 30-40 degrees. Not uncontrolled sobbing. Something else was going on and it must have been pretty big.
Maybe this ILs are trying to fix you two up at their anniversary party.
Yuck. Not happenin'.
They can advertise her skinny tattooed and pierced carc-[censored] on Craig�s List to biker gangs when Gollum finally dumps her. I�m sure she has all kinds of new tricks to share by now.
Maybe they can get some cash for her wagon too.
And where the heck was all this love for me anyway when I really needed it over 3-1/2 years ago when I was trying to save my family and a 26 year marriage? Where was the love for their grand daughter then? Where were their highly touted Christian values and beliefs then?
Nope back then it was all, �Change sometimes just happens and we have to accept it� �We just want Wayzilla happy� �Blah blah enabling friggidy Blah�
They chose to stand back and if anything assist in the destruction of my family.
Perhaps even Wayzilla will someday find out that adultery sucks.
Yeah, I agree that the sobbing was something else. Even I wouldn't sob over wasting money on two wagons. That one calls for Turbo Silent Treatment.
But, I wouldn't read too much into it. You know how we women are with our hormones. Could she be pregnant?
Sounds like IL's are realizing that they lost a gem now that they've gotten to know Gollum. Maybe that's Wayzilla's problem too - she's gotten to know Gollum.....
I still say that if they are soulmates, then why aren't they married yet?
Yeah, I agree that the sobbing was something else. Even I wouldn't sob over wasting money on two wagons. That one calls for Turbo Silent Treatment.
Hey Chai!
Turbo Silent Treatment. TST? Is that what it�s called? Wayzilla was good at it. Arms crossed (this is very important). Stony silence. An icy laser-like stare not directly at you but at a point about 18� to the left of your head.
�What�s wrong honey?�
�Nothing!�
For 3-4 days.
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But, I wouldn't read too much into it. You know how we women are with our hormones.
I guess, but again I have no experience in a 25+ year relationship with Wayzilla and uncontrollably sobbing. Again the closest was the night she came home during Plan A, knocked back several vodka Collins and started blubbering, �Why are you being so nice to me?� �I don�t deserve this� �I just want to die!� �Boo figiddy Hoo!�
She would have had to rally in order to die from the hangover she had the next morning.
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Could she be pregnant?
Nope. She�s 48 and spayed and he�s 46 and neutered. Besides she has enough to do taking her part in raising another woman�s now 5 year old son. Makes me sick. That boy was less than a year old when Gollum and Wayzilla started the adultery. He can�t even have a memory of what an intact family is. Adultery sucks.
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I still say that if they are soulmates, then why aren't they married yet?
Indeed. The Killer Bees of 2007 have had their share of affairages (SDguy, LilSis, James) and some pretty long term 4+ year adulteries (Fox, Luna, me) but I just can�t see Gollum taking that plunge.
But Wayzilla has had a few 4th quarter come-backs in her quest to secure her stolebait. You can�t count her out yet.
Wayzilla and DD22 got into it again the Tuesday night. DD needed some money help and Wayzilla again took the opportunity to tear into DD about maturity, accountability and personal responsibility. You know, because Way-Z is such an authority and example of such virtues.
Then in the middle of her attack Way-Z bursts into tears again crying how much she loves DD. Bwaaaahhhhh aaaaaa aaaaaa Sob!
Well I suppose DD will know more on Sunday at the great XIL 50th BBQ at idiot XBIL�s.
I would go of course but I have previous plans to sort and inventory all the miscellaneous hardware in my miscellaneous hardware coffee can in the garage and then dump them all back in the can. Oh and I think I need to clean the lint filter in the dryer.
It would be fun of course to show up in a Hawaiian shirt and flip-flops, sipping a Long Island ice tea and accompanied by the Venezuelan Bikini Team. But I do have that coffee can thing scheduled already. And I am not really certain of the availability of the Venezuelan Bikini Team. And I don't own a Hawaiian shirt. But I am sure I can squeeze in the Long Island ice tea.
My trivia team, Old Men at the Bar are in the quarter finals of a city wide tournament tonight. I am sure tonight is the night that there will be tons of Napoleonic, Augustan period Rome and Civil War questions. Or not.
The weekend is almost here MBers. Have a good one.
Hey SL! We�re neighbors now! Here in the West if you can get there in under a 14 hour drive your neighbors. Howdy Neighbor!
XFIL went in for a routine check up yesterday and ended up staying for his (Count em) 12th angioplasty procedure. Add that to his 2-open heart surgeries and a 16-17 year old brain tumor and�.well�..wow. DD went to the hospital and sat with her grandmother for a few hours. While they were there Wayzilla called.
Apparently Gollum�s son�s 5th birthday party with HIS family is this Saturday. Wayzilla told DD that she would have to work at the western wear emporium (yeah, I�m sure the place is overrun on a Saturday) so could not attend the event. Really? I mean the OWNER of the store could not get someone else to work that day so his stolebait could proudly be at his side at his son�s birthday party with his family.
They have been stolebaits for over 4-years now and have barley spent any holidays together and would appear to either not be welcome enough at cross family functions or too uncomfortable to attend them. Waywards are terribly clever but they did not really think that one through I guess.
I remember Wayzilla�s Kumbaya post-divorce vision of the future including shared holidays, birthdays, barbecues and helping each other if ever needed. Plan B certainly threw a wet blanket on that idea. What a maroon indeed.
Take care SL.
Oh yeah! The trivia team came in 3rd and advanced to the semi-finals next week. And they really did ask a Napoleonic question regarding the discovery of the Rosetta Stone.
We�re neighbors now! Here in the West if you can get there in under a 14 hour drive your neighbors. Howdy Neighbor!
When I lived here previously, I lived in what I would consider a RURAL area of the valley...nearest Wallyworld was about a 20 minute drive at supersonic speeds. Now, I live about a mile from Target and the grocery store. The neighborhood is quiet and filled with kids. Of course, it's to hot to go and meet them, but air-conditioned school starts soon, so I have no doubt DS will be in the mix again soon.
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Really? I mean the OWNER of the store could not get someone else to work that day so his stolebait could proudly be at his side at his son�s birthday party with his family.
I love excuses, aren't they fun and convenient little tools to use when you don't wanna face a firing squad..."No, no, I simply cannot go to that function...I have a hangnail."
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They have been stolebaits for over 4-years now
It's been 4 years. Holy carp time flies!
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Waywards are terribly clever but they did not really think that one through I guess.
Ah, the Z did it right then...tear through lots of girls, get a divorce, then find the one true mate, so that you don't have to explain about all of your previous philandering, cuz you are now divorced. What a coup!
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I remember Wayzilla�s Kumbaya post-divorce vision of the future including shared holidays, birthdays, barbecues and helping each other if ever needed. Plan B certainly threw a wet blanket on that idea. What a maroon indeed.
Yeah, I think the Z had the same vision...he and WayZ musta gotten into the same bad batch of peyote, cuz it ain't happenin!
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Oh yeah! The trivia team came in 3rd and advanced to the semi-finals next week. And they really did ask a Napoleonic question regarding the discovery of the Rosetta Stone.
Congrats! I had no idea that that language software has been around that long
Ah, the Z did it right then...tear through lots of girls, get a divorce, then find the one true mate, so that you don't have to explain about all of your previous philandering, cuz you are now divorced. What a coup!
Must suck to be a wayward. There is a permanent stain in the ol undies. Even after the adutery relationship finally dies you can never start a new relationship in total honesty. Eventualy the conversation will touch on the divorce and I doubt many of them will admit that their rutting and fluid swapping with other married people had a least a wee bit to do with it.
Nope it's back to the old, "My ex was sooooooooo controlling" "We just grew apart" "Boo friggidy Hoo"
Well in any case it looks like it will be an interesting weekend for the old Silver Crested Mattress Thrasher.
Very sad. Poor Gollum's little son has never had the benefit of a family.
He was around 9 months old when the EA started, 15 months old when the PA started and 23 months old when the divorces were final. Sad indeed.
The XIL�s 50th celebration is winding down. They all went to dinner at a favored place of the XIL�s last night. I went there with them a few times over the years. Nice looking place. Lousy food. Lots-o-Chikin!
A photographer came and took a group picture with all the aunts, uncles nephews, nieces���and Gollum and his S5.
Then they broke it down to just the XIL�s immediate family, daughters, sons, grandchildren��..and Gollum and his S5.
~(:O<<<<<<<<<<Alfalfa Puking Emoticon
It threw me off the track (old memories best forgotten) for a bit but I am better now. This stuff takes time.
DGS and I are going on a road trip to Minnesota at the end of the month. We got tickets for the Bronco/Viking pre-season game, tickets for Garrison Keillor�s Prairie Home Companion show at the State Fair and no doubt a trip to the Mall of the Northern Hemisphere. Should be fun.
I lost 9-days of vacation last year so I am looking forward to this. I love long car trips.
Chris- I saw the Prarie Home Companion show here in NC last year...so good! BH and I are big fans. You'll have fun.
Was "I love long car trips" facetious? Or are you just crazy? I used to drive from Utah to Iowa- a 20 hour trip- and the word love never entered my mind while on that drive....though Iowa and Utah are both beautiful states. Too bad Wyoming (the ugly part) and Nebraska (all of it) are in the way.....
No, I really do love car trips. I have done this Minnesota run many many times.
Leave Denver at 6:00 pm, sun sets as you leave Colorado, sun rises as you enter Iowa. Poof! No Nebraska. Perfect.
DGS and I listen to PHC most every week. We saw him live doing a one-man gig in Greeley earlier this year. That was good but to see him at home field will be great. I really want to see that sound effect guy.
Minnesota LOVES their fair.
Wyoming is a beautiful state if you go to the right places. I love the Story/Buffalo/Gillette area. The Big Horn Mountains are wonderful.
The sound effects guy is so awesome!!!!! He was on a show on Nickelodeon back when I was a kid, I'll have to google it and see....maybe it was "You Can't do That on Television." Anyways, he really was neat. And the woman- she was so funny! From the Minnesota mom to the sultry Guy Noir femme fatale...
I could get with the no Nebraska (I'm from IA, we're bred to not like NE- Cornhuskers suck and at least we have rolling hills...). I havent' had a long car drive in a long time...
Leave Denver at 6:00 pm, sun sets as you leave Colorado, sun rises as you enter Iowa. Poof! No Nebraska. Perfect
This made me laugh.
It's 17 hours between Modesto, CA and our town in Montana. We'd do weekend trips because I was so homesick. Leave Friday night - be back at 8am on Monday for work.
Leave Modesto and be coming out of California around sunset - the sun would be coming up in around Idaho (where it smelled like home with all the hay fields) That was my favorite part of the trip - every one else in the truck still sleeping, the sun rising on the mountains and the smell of alfalfa hay filling the air.
Ahhhhh, makes me sigh just thinking of it......
Oh, I digress. ANYWAY, by driving these hours: *POOF* no northern Nevada.
That was my favorite part of the trip - every one else in the truck still sleeping, the sun rising on the mountains and the smell of alfalfa hay filling the air.
Ahhhhh, makes me sigh just thinking of it......
That's why I like road trips. I love how the Iowa and Southern Minnesota fields smell in early September. And the sound of cicadas at night in the trees.
And you can stop at great places like Wall Drug or the Corn Palace or Reptile Gardens when you drive!
I am in the process of reading this whole thread and am amazed at not only your sense of humor, but the way you've handled yourself through all of this. Carry on and keep posting.
Hey schtoop! Thanks for stopping by. It has been a long road. For you too.
How, I just really caught this.
Originally Posted by Howdy
He was on a show on Nickelodeon back when I was a kid
Nickelodeon started around 1980! Kid your making me feel old.
When we first moved to Colorado in 1967 (I was 7) my favorite cartoon was Gigantor. It was on of the original Japanese cartoon entries into the US.
Gigantor was a robot that fought crime with some goofy kid in shorts. I remember crying once because it looked like it was curtains for Gigantor. I know this will surprise you but he actually survived. Whew!
The Japanese had that big Puss in Boots sad eye thing going long before Shrek.
Gigantor was a favorite for my twin brother and me. We would hurry home from grade school to watch it. Talk about "old school" cartoons...
Last year, my DD found a DVD collection of the series at an Asian market she goes to with her MIL (her DH is half Okinawan) and I sent it to him for our b-day.
The Minnesota Road Trip 2010 with DGS went great. Spent last Friday at the State Fair and ate stuff there that Catholics would have to go to confession for. But even I have my limits.
Fried Spam on a stick?? Are you kidding?? I am still not sure how they do spaghetti and meatballs on a stick.
I bought a Minnesota Vixens women�s tackle football league tee shirt. I don�t know why. Maybe it was the Beergarita (Leinenkugal Honey Weiss and tequila) I had.
The Prairie Home Companion show at the fair was terrific. It was outdoors and got very cold. At intermission Garrison Keillor stayed outside and got everyone to stand up and sing America the Beautiful and Home on the Range to warm up. The two sound effects guys were great.
A Vikings game, a trip to the Minnesota Zoo, a good dinner visit with my cousin and a run through The Mall of the Northern Hemisphere and two 12-hour drives all in 5-1/2 days.
We got home in time to watch the mountains behind Boulder burning. The smoke was pretty thick Tuesday morning and ash was falling in the subdivision. It is still 0% contained with around 8,000 acres and 90 structures burned.
Oh, and another proud Wayzilla moment.
DD unexpectedly got last Friday off from school and work. So as Wayzilla has been recently telling her once again that she wants to see more of her, DD called her and they made plans for lunch and some shopping.
When Friday arrives Wayzilla calls DD before she is even out of bed and picks a fight about school and then other topics. Then she decries DDs poor attitude and hangs up on her.
DD was pissed. She started calling her Mother back every 6-10 minutes. WayZ won�t answer. DD calls the Western Wear Emporium thinking she might be there. A guy answers the phone and tells her WayZ is off today and immediately hands the phone to Gollum. This was her very first conversation with him.
Gollum criticizes her for the fight with her mom and tells her how much WayZ really wanted to see her today but she ruined it. He tells DD that WayZ is not going to talk to her.
***TIMEOUT*** If I had been anywhere near Gollum at this moment we would have played our very first game of Norwegian With a Bat versus Baby Seal. ***TIME IN***
So DD just keeps calling every few minutes for the next 3-hours. Finally on the 22nd call (no lie. I looked at the online phone bill) WayZ answers and tells DD she is not coming down today and that DD has upset her very much.
DD calls XMIL in tears. Among other things her Grandmother calls WayZ entitled, selfish and immature. She tells DD that it is time for WayZ to start acting her age and become a real mother.
Twenty minutes later WayZ calls back DD and has suddenly changed her mind. Now she is coming down for lunch with her and XMIL. DD said once she got there she acted all happy like nothing had happened at all. She did have a moment of unhappiness and angst concerning Gollum�s BxW. Something to do with Gollum�s BxW, his S5, chocolate milk and Sprite. Who knows?
She needs to chill out and go paint a wagon or something.
I was gritting my teeth while reading this flippin interaction between WayZ and DD.
I hope for your DD's sake that she soon finds a better way to deal with her mother...to draw some solid boundaries around interactions. DD is a grown woman and doesn't have to take this crapola off of her mother.
WayZ is a dingleberry.
Just reading about your trip has me winded. Hope you didn't blink too often...you may have missed some things. Always good to hear an update Chrisner. Take care friend
The Minnesota Road Trip 2010 with DGS went great. Spent last Friday at the State Fair and ate stuff there that Catholics would have to go to confession for. But even I have my limits.
Fried Spam on a stick?? Are you kidding?? I am still not sure how they do spaghetti and meatballs on a stick.
Originally Posted by Iboughtawhat?
I bought a Minnesota Vixens women�s tackle football league tee shirt. I don�t know why. Maybe it was the Beergarita (Leinenkugal Honey Weiss and tequila) I had.
You bought a what? Nevermind - I don't want to know.
Originally Posted by ThePrairieHomeCompanionFan
The Prairie Home Companion show at the fair was terrific. It was outdoors and got very cold. At intermission Garrison Keillor stayed outside and got everyone to stand up and sing America the Beautiful and Home on the Range to warm up. The two sound effects guys were great.
Originally Posted by IdidwaytoomuchstuffinMinnesota
A Vikings game, a trip to the Minnesota Zoo, a good dinner visit with my cousin and a run through The Mall of the Northern Hemisphere and two 12-hour drives all in 5-1/2 days.
Well, I'm glad you had some time to relax.
Originally Posted by Run,Chris,Run!
We got home in time to watch the mountains behind Boulder burning. The smoke was pretty thick Tuesday morning and ash was falling in the subdivision. It is still 0% contained with around 8,000 acres and 90 structures burned.
Our stupid-(symbol)Forest Service started a prescribed burn at the end of August in the middle of pine beetle killed trees while the weather service had issued a high wind warning.
Any wonder it ran away from them? They say they are "sorry."
Originally Posted by Ican'tbelieve this woman is a mother
Oh, and another proud Wayzilla moment.
DD unexpectedly got last Friday off from school and work. So as Wayzilla has been recently telling her once again that she wants to see more of her, DD called her and they made plans for lunch and some shopping.
When Friday arrives Wayzilla calls DD before she is even out of bed and picks a fight about school and then other topics. Then she decries DDs poor attitude and hangs up on her.
DD was pissed. She started calling her Mother back every 6-10 minutes. WayZ won�t answer. DD calls the Western Wear Emporium thinking she might be there. A guy answers the phone and tells her WayZ is off today and immediately hands the phone to Gollum. This was her very first conversation with him.
Gollum criticizes her for the fight with her mom and tells her how much WayZ really wanted to see her today but she ruined it. He tells DD that WayZ is not going to talk to her.
***TIMEOUT*** If I had been anywhere near Gollum at this moment we would have played our very first game of Norwegian With a Bat versus Baby Seal. ***TIME IN***
So DD just keeps calling every few minutes for the next 3-hours. Finally on the 22nd call (no lie. I looked at the online phone bill) WayZ answers and tells DD she is not coming down today and that DD has upset her very much.
DD calls XMIL in tears. Among other things her Grandmother calls WayZ entitled, selfish and immature. She tells DD that it is time for WayZ to start acting her age and become a real mother.
Twenty minutes later WayZ calls back DD and has suddenly changed her mind. Now she is coming down for lunch with her and XMIL. DD said once she got there she acted all happy like nothing had happened at all. She did have a moment of unhappiness and angst concerning Gollum�s BxW. Something to do with Gollum�s BxW, his S5, chocolate milk and Sprite. Who knows?
She needs to chill out and go paint a wagon or something.
WayZ is lucky she is so dang far away. I don't even know what to say to this. When do they stop with the crapola?
to DD. She is a 100 times the woman her mother is. Oh wait, that might not be such a compliment - 'cause you are that much more woman than WayZ is too.
Hey, glad to hear you're not getting all burned up. And the roadtrip sounded great. PHC is coming to San Diego soon, but it's to a small theater on the water, and the tickets are crazy expensive.
The t-shirt sounds like a great purchase. Go Vikings! And Vixens!
Our stupid-(symbol)Forest Service started a prescribed burn at the end of August in the middle of pine beetle killed trees while the weather service had issued a high wind warning.
We're from the government and we're here to help!
What could possibly go wrong?
Originally Posted by SL
I hope for your DD's sake that she soon finds a better way to deal with her mother...to draw some solid boundaries around interactions. DD is a grown woman and doesn't have to take this crapola off of her mother.
Yeah, me too.
Originally Posted by Pep
.... speechless ....
Yeah, me too.
Originally Posted by Cowgirl II
I don't even know what to say to this.
Yeah, me too.
Originally Posted by SD
WayZ continues to amaze.
Yeah, me too.
Well, at least DD's grandparents seem to be coming around.
As far as WayZ goes......well I still think there is something far bigger going on to get her this flipped out. The toilets are backin' up in Camelot.
Originally Posted by SD II
PHC is coming to San Diego soon, but it's to a small theater on the water, and the tickets are crazy expensive.
You still working at that dump by the beach?
Originally Posted by SD III
The t-shirt sounds like a great purchase. Go Vikings! And Vixens!
Yeah, the middle linebacker that sold me the shirt was kind of cute in that "I could break your neck like a toothpick" kind of way.
The ways in which WayZ continues to show her true colors
It's quite apparent that she can not be a proper mother because she is too busy having to take care of her first child,,, HERSELF. Her self induced drama will never die. I'm just so sorry that DD will continue to have to deal with it.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE hearing about your trip. I agree, that there is something special in the air in the Midwest during the late summer/early fall. Something you can't find anywhere else.
Nope. His last updates were quite some time ago but he certainly seemed in a better place.
I saw a customer review from July 12th for the Western Wear Emporium. The reviewer says the staff was nice and very anxious to help but the inventory and selection was quite low and not at all what he had heard about the place. He bemoans that a city the size of Mordor Springs doesn�t have a real western store anymore. He says he�ll just have to go to Denver from now on.
He finishes by saying �By the way, I felt real bad and bought a shirt. They really needed the business.�
That fits will what DD heard from her mom. Apparently Gollum and Wayzilla are picking up a lot more hours to limit their payroll as WayZ told DD, �The store is not quite making what we hoped for right now.�
Bet that makes the wagons look all the better. Hope she�s having fun.
That is such a shame. Another A that is not quite turning out like they had planned.......
I arrived at exactly the appointed time to WxH's house last night to pick up DD16. The house was completely dark except for DD16's room. It was dark outside, so I could see inside - DD16 was laying on her bed, petting the cat. Not another soul to be seen. I honked the horn to let her know I was there. DD16 gets up from her bed, a shadow moves across the darkened house, light goes off in DD16's room and the two shadows move to the door.
It was so kind of him to drag his sorry [censored] out of bed to show his daughter the door. It was 8 o'clock at night for pete's sake. He hadn't seen DD16 all month because he's been gone hunting and then he leaves her on his first weekend back to hang out in her room alone until I come to pick her up?
Each time I talked to her over the weekend, she sounded very tired and dejected. I asked her what was wrong a few times and she said she didn't feel well. Once home, she seemed fine.
I don't know what's up with that. Maybe babs monopolized all his time.
There's some saying like.....hmmm....what goes around....kicks your butt later...or some such nonsense
Whatev!
Foxy, the Z seemed to make out just fine after the D. He got the house, he knows I will raise his son, he gets the girlfriend that reminds him of all the good things OUR relationship had and whatever other great things. I suppose karma is waiting for a better opportunity with him.
Whatev Whatev!
Honestly, I don't care much anymore, but I don't have to deal with him much, either, which makes my life better
I get ya, SL. They are who they are. And I've thanked the Lord many times over that I am not with him anymore having to deal with all he is everyday.
I still compensate some for him in regards to DDs - probably doing more than is really what I need to but it's not near what it used to be - just to make up for his lack of care and what "I" think he should do.
I talked to babs BH last night - his son had a football game. WxH was there - standing off on the side lines with babs.
That just makes me sick.
They are trying so desperately to make everything "right." and have everyone except them as "right."
No way, Jose.
Her BH has talked to his son and asked questions about how WxH treats him. For the most part, it sounds like he is ignored. Basically what DD16 says, too.
Her jeep is still broke down, too. she should be so shocked that he broke a promise to fix it before he left for hunting......
Not.
DD17 graduates this year - if she shows, I will beat her to a pulp.
I'm pretty sure babs won't come to DD17's graduation. DD17 would beat her to a pulp herself.
WxH picked up DD16 from school on Friday and gave DD17 a ride to where the car was parked. babs was there, too. DD17 said the whole time she was in the truck she had the nastiest look on her face.
"I" think that is just her face - but DD17 thinks it is a variation of the usual nastiness.
Does WxH see that - does he see how his "soul-mate" treats his DD? Apparently he is too much of a weenie to stand up to her and tell her to knock it the heck off. He knows what is going on - I'm sure he does. He just plays oblivious so he doesn't have to deal with it.
I don't know why he is under my skin today. I just hate to see the continued disrespect for all they hurt.
Maybe one day he will get his stones back from her.
No, but I think I saw her phone number on the bathroom wall in a Montana Texaco men's room once. It mentioned some...umm.... specific...umm...skill sets as I recall.
Hypothetically speaking, if a 48 year old divorced woman with average to lesser home remodeling skills, living with and working for her adultery partner stolebait suddenly announces to her daughter that she is seeking to reinvest her money by purchasing her own house on the Colorado prairie so that, �there�s a place for all the people who come down to visit me to stay and party�, which house should she select?
House 1: A small farmhouse on 40 acres that has been abandoned for 2-years, vandalized multiple times up to and including the removal of all of the house�s copper piping.
or
House 2: A small farmhouse on a few acres that has been on the market and empty for two years after a significant electrical fire.
The hypothetical answer is she would put a bid on House 2 as House 1 was, �Just a little too run down.�
Of course nobody knows a 48 year old divorced adulteress that stupid right?
In other news the karma bus strikes again. Me. Once more. My 34 year old clay main line to the sewer separated and collapsed 9� under my front yard garden. $6,500 and a swath of destruction through my 7-year old perennial garden later I can flush the toilets and do laundry again. Oh, but the dryer died too. I guess I got off a little lucky as the original estimate was $8K and included tearing out part of my driveway. Fortunately, the locaters were off some and no cement repair work was needed.
I must have put a whoopee cushion on Zeus�s throne in another life. Zeus, if you listening, I'm sorry man!
I told DD22 it look's like another imaginary Christmas for us.
Why would WxW need a house of her own when OM already has one? Perhaps he needs a little more "space"? And who exactly are all these people that come down to visit her?
Of course nobody knows a 48 year old divorced adulteress that stupid right?
I have no idea who you must be talking about - hypothetically, that is.
Poor, poor WayZ.
I and I agree with jim - who are all these people coming down to party?
She's 48 - who "partys" enough to need a house specifically for that purpose.
I wanna believe she is getting kicked out of Gollums (or leaving him)
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In other news the karma bus strikes again. Me. Once more. My 34 year old clay main line to the sewer separated and collapsed 9� under my front yard garden.
Bulldozer Barn sold around a year ago according to DD. The house is still under the city's scrape zone plan but CDOT is still doing their environmental study so now it�s the new owner�s problem. The city's approved proposal (deeply hidden in their web site) was kind of sneaky and allowed people in the area to sell homes without a disclosure about the plan as the plan cannot get full approval until the environmental study is done and CDOT agrees to work with the city. I�m not sure WayZ ever knew or believed she was in the scrape zone anyway.
Wayzilla quit her job and moved to Mordor Springs to live with Gollum sometime in August or September last year.
WayZ told DD that at least one of the employees at the western wear emporium does not like her at all. He is a guy that has worked there years before Gollum bought the place and I guess he is not taken at all with the boss�s skinny ho. Lots of conflict I guess. There are two other women that work there too. I wonder who hired them, what they look like and how old they are? DD says every time WayZ is in Denver for lunch with her and xMIL she flees back to Mordor Springs to be there before the store closes like a vampire running from sunrise.
Originally Posted by Cowgirl
And I agree with jim - who are all these people coming down to party?
She's 48 - who "partys" enough to need a house specifically for that purpose.
I wanna believe she is getting kicked out of Gollums (or leaving him)
Nah, she would come back to Denver to be closer to xIL's and idiot xBIL. And no. No one will be going down there to visit.
I have to guess that THEY decided to use HER money to buy and flip distressed properties but that�s a pretty speculative and chancy venture to get into. I knew a couple guys who were pretty successful doing this in Denver but they had a little more to offer than WayZ and Gollum. First of all, they have brains. They also were expert home remodelers and did all the work quickly by themselves. They would work 12 hour days, 7 days a week to renovate these places. You can�t make any money if you have to hire contractors for the work and Gollum�s commitment to his store won�t allow him to help much. Crazy.
DGS agrees with you that something is happening. She thinks he is encouraging her to do this to alleviate his guilt that she has no place to go when he dumps for a newer model soon after. But what does he care if that place is a burned out pipeless dump miles from anything on the prairie?
Originally Posted by Cowgirl
It's Murphy's Law.
Murphy? Who is this Murphy? I would like to meet up with this Murphy in a dark alley with my Louisville Slugger.
Why would you wanna beat on Murphy? He was the optimist of the group.
Maybe that explains my bad Karma? You got $6,500 I could borrow?
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You can make money by Rehabbing and "flipping" houses in a RISING houseing market. You get killed when its flat.
True enough, and there is such a glut of foreclosed homes on the market some experts think it will take 18-months or more to clear them from the market.
But really why would single woman be bidding on a fire scarred dump on the prairie when she already has a nice place with a newly remodeled $24K kitchen and an antique farm wagon in the back yard?
But really why would single woman be bidding on a fire scarred dump on the prairie when she already has a nice place with a newly remodeled $24K kitchen and an antique farm wagon in the back yard?
So the farm wagon will have someplace it feels more at home? Because WayZ will feel more at home? After all, she traded down for OM, why not trade down on houses, too?
But really why would single woman be bidding on a fire scarred dump on the prairie when she already has a nice place with a newly remodeled $24K kitchen and an antique farm wagon in the back yard?
This is like asking the question Why do we always end up with a pile of socks that have no match when we know there was a complete pair put into the laundry basket?
It defies logic in the same way Waywards actions defy logic.
I'm with Foxx, that perhaps there WayZ is needing a future escape route when the Mordor Springs free ride comes to an abrupt end. Convince Gollom to fix this up as an 'investment' so it's ready for her when the time comes? Espeically with the market what it is, there's plenty of time for her to complete whatever evil plan is in the works.
Who knows, maybe she has a contractor boyfriend who will be hired to do the work. Double bonus for WayZ.
So sorry to hear of your household issues, Chris. I will never understand how or why it is that when one thing breaks, it seems to inspire other things to go at the same time.
Well, you know that the greatestest gift you and DD have is what you give to each other on a daily basis - a healthy, supportive, loving relationship. No price tag can be put on that!
a 48 year old divorced woman with average to lesser home remodeling skills
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reinvest
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House 1: A small farmhouse on 40 acres that has been abandoned for 2-years, vandalized multiple times up to and including the removal of all of the house�s copper piping.
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House 2: A small farmhouse on a few acres that has been on the market and empty for two years after a significant electrical fire.
That just makes me want to hurl. Hypocrisy at it's finest.
How many flies do you think she caught before she closed her dropped jaw?
That's gotta hurt.
Back to Puff the Magic Dragon for me, I guess.
![[Linked Image from mazeguy.net]](http://www.mazeguy.net/movie-tv/gollum.gif)
![[Linked Image from wplr.com]](http://wplr.com/images/Adimages/buffalo-wild-wings-logo.jpg){kind=logo}
![[Linked Image from upload.wikimedia.org]](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/a/af/CBW3logoedit.png)
![[Linked Image from blogs.pitch.com]](http://blogs.pitch.com/plog/the_more_you_know2.jpg)
![[Linked Image from patdollard.com]](http://patdollard.com/wp-content/uploads/gollum.jpg)
![[Linked Image from lotrspoofs.net]](http://www.lotrspoofs.net/spoofs/fotr/capelrondmasculinity.jpg)
to DD. She is a 100 times the woman her mother is. Oh wait, that might not be such a compliment - 'cause you are that much more woman than WayZ is too. 
![[Linked Image from 4.bp.blogspot.com]](http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_LbccUVbSRd8/SVVdMW3Xp1I/AAAAAAAADxw/tEpjS-f2VCM/s400/Chacma+Baboon+1.JPG)
![[Linked Image from assets.nydailynews.com]](http://assets.nydailynews.com/img/2009/11/26/alg_car_baboon.jpg)