When a man hits on a married woman, this is what he is saying if he knows you are married. It is a put down, a great INSULT. To my astonishment, some women view this as flattering, not realizing the man is spitting in her face.

Exactly. Or some even see the ring as a challenge... a notch on their belt... has nothing to do with "feelings" for the person wearing the ring...

It is nothing but an INSULT of the worst kind.

My mom called me just last week about such an incident happening to her - A married man asked her out...She was APPALLED and EXTREMELY INSULTED that he would think that she would do such a thing...She let him know in a hurry that she would NEVER, EVER date a married man and that she would also not date him even if he were to get divorced, as he had shown himself to be a man with no morals...

My mom so ROCKS!

Mrs. W

I think that a woman that hits on a married man is saying, "Im a skank and an easy piece of you-no-what" and I think that you are a loser. Wanna do it? How romantic!

I agree with that but may i add that only women with self worth and knows her self worth will see it as as insult it is.

Women who devalue themselves thinks hey he/she is willing to risk all that for sex and the love of a "good" woman

For the weak-minded and short-sighted, "I want you" trumps "I respect you" and "I value marriage".

Which is one of the reasons affariages fail to thrive... neither partner really has respect for marriage boundaries.

I think it's disgusting, too.

I learned that in my 20s. It left me with a life-long contempt of men who hit on married women.

tl

Can you imagine the look of surprise on that hypothetical married man's face if the hypothetical married woman asked and got his phone number and then...

...shouted, "Shame on you! Hitting on a married woman. I VALUE myself way more than that and you're a turd for hitting on me. YOU are a LOSER, get away from me! I'm calling your WIFE!"

How about "you oughta be ashamed of yourself! How would Mrs Z feel if she knew you said that to me??"

Women who tolerate insulting behavior like this diminish their own self worth. We are responsible for our own self respect.

A lot of women are insecure, a lot of men know this, hence the result. Dude

I agree! I also do not like it when men "undress" you with their eyes or cat calls. It is disgusting!!

I also think that women who hit on married men ARE skanks and an easy piece of you-know-what!!!!!

I agree, and I wish someone had called me and said "hey your W is hitting on so and so or on me"

However as it turned out she had no problem finding men that were happy to claim that prize of a married woman. It's some sort of sick game they play.

I was only told of one situation where she hit on a married man, this was someone I worked with and he never said anything to me untill after her A came out.

Is a statement like that worth sharing w/ your WS?

I don't get it. The lack of respect needed to take up a married person on their boinking offer and the same needed by the one making offer... :crosseyedcrazy: I don't get it at all. What's the value of a pork chop?

I agree but I do have a problem with women falling out of their clothes and then complaining that a man isn't looking into their eyes. WTH? Then keep the twins in check and don't dress and flirt like a skank especially at work.

BR i agree with you on this one as well!!!

I know this is going to make a big splash and I am sorry if this hurts anyone's feelings. And I am sure this is going to show my age as well. But here we go. I am married and actually very recently was hit on by a couple of guys I didn't know. And I was with my son both times. No I don't wear my wedding ring (cause its too small at the moment.) but they knew I was married and I even spoke of my husband. They were flirting, not trying to get in my pants. I am a flirt by nature and like talking to people, but that doesn't mean I want to jump everyone's bones. I don't think that every person that flirts is looking to get some action. Now if the proposition, that's a different story. But how you carry yourself depends on the attention you get. I have a friend that hangs out with all kinds of strange people and gets drunk and occasionally gets raped. And she brings it on herself. It just depends on how you act with the person. If you tell them that you are married and you aren't interested then you have less to worry about. If they persist then you tell them you'll call the cops. You just have to be aware of your surroundings. But that's just my opinion.

I think you may find the boundries you have are a bit week. Your at a MB site talking about how it's ok to act like a flirt.

You have a friend that occassionally gets raped by the way she acts?

This is too much for me.

I have not read your thread GL, however I think I know all I need to know. Best of luck

Sorry GL but i have to agree with Lie2Me.

It is NOT okay to flirt if you are married, there is NOTHING innocent about flirting.

<<<<<THUD>>>>>

I respect your opinions, but my husband flirts too. And that doesn't mean that either one of us actually want the people that we are extra friendly to. It doesn't mean that we are even attracted to the people really. I simply means that we are nice and enjoy interacting with people. I will admit that my marriage is not solid. But its not because of flirting. And flirting is completely different than propositioning. Flirting is not saying "hey sexy want to come back to my place for a little hide the salami" Its more like "hey how are you doin. You're looking good." I've even heard so much as "You're husband is a lucky man" and I responded with "why thank you, I'll let him know."
That's what I'm talking about. And honestly what is wrong with that?

What is wrong with that is that both of you are having ENs (admiration) met by someone OTHER THAN YOUR SPOUSE.

And my H flirts too and look where we are at, and it did have something to do with his flirting.

Looking for attention form other's will cause someone to get hurt.

With every action you take should think about how this action will affect my H and my M. Boundries need to be set to protect your M, not hurt it. Everyone here can tell you stories, firsthand of how flirting affected the core M. This is the first step to an A.

Everything thats starts in an inocent way ends with much pain and hurt. You need to A proff your M. Are these actions and flirting things the two of you do together?

This is shocking yes I realize but I don't know how many times she's had stuff happen to her in the last 6 months. All because she was being stupid. I got tired of hearing her excuses and whining about all the crap that was happening to her. My husband works with her and would come home with something new that she was whining about almost every day. Eventually I told him I didn't want to hear about it any more. She's 4 months younger than I am and has a daughter 4 months older than our son. And she's smart enough to stay out of those situations, but she does it anyway. And I feel she does it to her self. Either she likes getting raped or she wants the attention after the fact. I just refuse to feel sorry for her any more. At 25 its time to start taking responsibility for your actions.

Men like married women bacause they have H's, houses and kids and responsibilites already filled. These men are looking for sex without strings.
roblem is, it never stays that easy. Dumb.

Why are we focusing on the OP so much lately? The true SKANK is the married partner who betrays his (or her) spouse.

GL,

Memorize this for your married life.

Thoughts become words.
Words become actions.

Think hard about this.

Perhaps you should listen to your own advice.

I don't see anything here about you wanting to work on fixing your M.

You spend more time defending your own actions.

Time to buck up, act like a W, help your H act like a H, and start living in an open honest M, without looking for all the attention from other people.

Flirting will kill your M. You keep saying I have not had an A, yet what is flirting, it is an emotional conection to another person that crosses a boundry that should not be crossed.

Makes no differance if your H does it as well, it is wrong and will lead to other things, allways does.

Well neither of us are looking for it. If someone comes up to me and flirts with me dos that mean I'm looking for it? No it means they want to flirt with me. It used to make us flirt more with each other. And since I've been home with our son, I have been out enough to get flirted with. And now we haven't flirted much with each other, mostly because I have not been feeling very attractive lately. And that's because my husband and I are in a slump. Its different for every one though. Because honestly when I see a woman flirting with my husband I feel proud, because someone else finds him as attractive as I do. And it makes him look even sexier to me.

Why did you use the word 'friend'?

Your attitude about her is so far from "friend" it isn't funny.


committed

Exactly. My FWW found that out the hard way, when the OM dropped her like a rock with apparently no regrets. Apparently he was just interested in seeing what it would be like with her, and didn't want anything in the way of responsibility or commitment.

And of course the poor BH (me) gets not only to feel the grief of betrayal, but to clean up after the mess.



This has always being the area of contention for me. The area where things "don't compute". My FWW would never strike anyone as a skank. No way, no how. Yet, she chose to act like one during her A. I'm I M'd to a skank who's good at hiding her real character from me, or a good decent woman who chose to act like a skank during her A to get her ENs met?

I do hope it's the latter..

MelodyLane...just curious as to what you had hoped to accomplish by this thread? Is it theraputic for you to think about others with these titles? ie., skank, ho, etc.? Just wondering what you thought could be positive about this?

I'm not looking for attention. I'm not looking to make a connection with anyone other than my husband. My husband and I are trying to work on our M and we have not had affairs, even though we've had plenty of chances. Flirting does NOT always lead to affairs, I'm sorry but it doesn't!! I'm not going to have sex with every guy that flirts with me. I'm really unsure as to why its become such a square subject. Its not exactly the same for every person. You can think what you want to about me. But just because I'm a flirt that doesn't make me a whore. I have not had sex with anyone other than my husband, ever. And I don't go out trying to Hook for someone to flirt with me. Lately its actually been happening when I go out to walk and play with my son. Does that make me a whore? And I don't dress like like a slut, comfortable jeans and tee-shirt. I never show cleavage unless my husband wants me to.

Because she used to be a friend. No I don't consider her that any more. But she and my husband are still friends. And it was easier to say friend than girl I used to be friends with or person I know. Just less typing to say friend.

Well say what you want and think what you want but flirting WILL lead to an A in the end.

You do realize those are words quoted over and over by EVERY WS that comes on this board.




It means that you are willing to let someone other than your husband meet your ENs.

Have you read anything Dr. H says about ENs?????

If so, you already know why this is not a safe thing for your marriage.




That would be because you both feel insecure and not safe in your marriage. You know you have competition. Dr. H says there should NEVER be competition in a marriage. You should be protecting each other from competition.






So you are not getting some important ENs met by your husband. And because you allow flirting (poor boundaries), your marriage is NOT affair-proof and is actually set up to suffer an affair.

What is needed for an affair?

ENs not being met.

Poor boundaries.

Right now you have both. You are in dangerous waters. It's time to PROTECT your marriage, not justify why it's OK to RISK it.






Your "slump" leaves you open to an affair. When some OM flirts or does something else that meets your ENs, your bank is open for love units to be deposited from someone other than your husband. Eventually, that could lead to you having feelings for someone that right now you don't have "feelings" for.

It's BECAUSE you leave your bank open (allowing flirting) that will ENABLE you to develop feelings for someone other than your husband.






No, it's really rather typical.

Almost all affairs start just as you have described.

1. Feeling something is missing in the marriage--slump.
2. Having poor boundaries--thinking flirting is fine, even helpful (it causes us to flirt with each other :crosseyedcrazy: )
3. Someone else meets ENs (by flirting).

You already have one foot in the affair. All you need is one particular OM to interact with you enough depositing units by flirting and other ways that you probably don't even realize are happening.






Well, prepare yourself. Because one day, one of those women who make you feel "proud" now, will cause you horrendous pain and suffering when your husband tells you that he doesn't love you anymore and this woman knows what he needs.


HELLO??????

Have you read ANYTHING on this site????

GL,
My FWW used to sound just like you. Innoncent flirting, no harm, no foul. Makes me "feel attractive" or "feel good" about myself. No FWW on this board will tell you that they intentionally set out to have an affair. Most of the time it started as innocent flirting (poor boundaries). Once you are on the slippery slope, it is hard to stop the slide. Everyone here says I would NEVER cheat, but hey guess what. There are a many, many cases here that started out with flirting. I know that you are different, and you would NEVER cheat. You are NOT selfish. You are at a very high risk for falling into an affair. I suggest you go read Fall in Love, stay in love.

You can be friendly to people without flirting. Flirting is a flashing sign that lets people know that you might be open to the next step...

Flirting...hmmmm....well, I can recall times when I was flirted with and flirted back when we were still a couple.

Depends on the flirting. If it's light, okay. But if it gets to the point where it's in any way suggestive...FUGHEDDABOUDIT!!

If a person is prone to cheating, well HAIL yeah it could lead to other things. If not, then NO.

I never wanted to sleep with any of the guys and/or girls that flirted with me when I was still with Mr. Gray. It just wasn't in the equation for me.

It was obviously a different story for him. But I can understand why it got that far, that doesn't make it right...but heck, I was sick, had full body edema, I wasn't taking care of my self properly because I didn't give a [censored]...I was so sick and depressed.

That doesn't excuse his actions but I can see how it got there. Me, however, never even thought of such a thing when he was sick and we weren't sure if he was going to kick-the-bucket...that was some years before mine. And no, no flirting with ANYONE went on at that time, I was too worried about him and if he was going to live.

Oh, the irony! Ha ha!!

Charlotte

I used to flirt and so did my husband. I never thought anything about it because it never meant anything to me until I found out that my husband was having an affair. That gave me an entirely different perspective regarding protection of the marriage. I take nothing for granted now. I certainly don't want my husband flirting with anybody but me.

Most people don't LOOK for an affair.

But they do exactly what you are doing...

Leave themselves open to one because they are sure they will never have one.








An important FIRST step to that would be to eliminate any opportunities for other people to make any deposits in either of your love banks.



Well, at your age, neither did most of the FWS's here.

But then 10 or 15 years down the road (and 2, 3, 4, or more kids)....

with love banks let open all that time...

eventually some OP hit enough ENs at the same time the spouse at home had been neglecting a few or love bustings and making withdrawals.

That's why Dr. H says GIVEN THE RIGHT CONDITIONS, ANYONE can have an affair.


You are young in your marriage.

It's a great time to protect it.

BEFORE the damage is done.

I'm telling you...
you don't want to live through what most of us here have.

Many of us said the same thing years ago that you are saying now.





Yeah, my FWH had many chances to.

But it didn't happen until we had been married for 19 years...pretty much happily married and in love. In fact, he even told OW during that month before the AF kicked in that he LOVED ME.

So what happened????

He had an open love bank...didn't see the harm in OW flirting (meeting his admiration EN), then emailing or phoning a woman other than his wife.

He loved me, but he didn't protect me or our marriage.

And eventually, he started saying to me all the typical things any WS says....I don't love you, haven't for years, blah, blah, blah.







Given enough time

and

the right circumstances (like a marriage in a slump)


and

it does.




Of course not. But you might eventually have sex with the one that deposited enough units to your low love bank to make your feelings stir.






I'm really unsure why you are defending yourself so much here.






When you've read enough stories here, you will see that it is very, very similar.

All the WS's started out saying the same thing you are saying

and

did not protect the marriage early on.




But it does make you a woman that is a danger to all her friends' marriages because she considers it acceptable to flirt and meet their husbands' ENs, at least their admiration EN, which is most often very high for men.

You are hurting their marriages and your own every time you flirt or allow someone to flirt with you.

I think it can be therapeutic for women who do not correctly interpret this kind of attention. My goal is to enlighten women who believe they are being COMPLIMENTED when actually they are being insulted and treated like a skank. That is a very positive learning, wouldn't you agree?

Maybe it doesn't.

BUT...

Most affairs DO start out that way.

Why risk your marriage?

Lacey, flirting is extremely disrespectful behavior to a spouse. It is inappropriate for any married person to FLIRT with another. This is how affairs start.

I agree wholeheartedly. Was 44 years old and married 9 years to a man "that would NEVER cheat" before he cheated. Protect your marriage. You have no idea how much infidelity hurts!!

In the past two or three years I have been hit on to an obvious extent by various women maybe 100 times. I have lost count.

Some of these women are young enough to be my daughters. Some are divorced and some are married and some are my age. Some are much older than me. Some I have no clue as to their status because I only just met them that one time. (They are the ones who move fast. It was interesting to watch them size me up. They were pros at this.)

Most can’t seem to take a hint. Like the 21 yo barista in the shop down the street who knows I am married but keeps asking me to a movie or meet her for drinks. Others, like the manager in another building here at work keep asking to meet for lunch or after work. And others call me, or email me, occasionally even at home if they know where I live. Some seem to be looking for financial benefits. Several wanted me to meet their kids yet they didn’t know me from Adam. What’s up with that? Most I don’t know what they want.

Do I wear my ring? No, not since D-Day 2 of the VLTA. Do I want to stay married? No. Do I act married? Yes. Do I always tell them up front I am married? Yes. Do they continue flirting or plain outright asking me out? 90% still do.

These women may be no more than flirts for skirts. Who knows? Irrelevant. I could definitely take them up on something inappropriate. I could have made it so. They moved the door ajar.

This says to me, loudly, the vast majority of woman in the world are indeed flirts, they are immoral skanks and they are definitely lacking in ethics.

IMO, women who hit on married men are ethically and morally worse than men who hit on married women. They are kind of stupid too.

Also, it tells me, since I have not had any, any whatsoever, of my EN’s met for this entire marriage and I have had opportunity after opportunity to have any kind of thoroughly enjoyable affairs I could want…yet I have not…well, it make those who do commit adultery for such stupid little reasons of theirs in comparison out to be just plain losers.

This makes me think missing ENs aren’t really it after all.

I like your take on this, Mel. Makes one think. Personally, makes me think about what I was willing to both put up with as well as take part in. We create our circumstances.

And who in their right mind will be threatened by or compare themselves to a SKANK?!?!?!? Not moi!!

The trouble is...ANYTHING can be construed as flirting...even the most innocent smile.

That means...the only real solution to avoid flirting is to lock yourself away from the world.

Charlotte

I'm am curious about this statement. Why do you feel this is the case?

Charlotte

Here is the definition of flirting:
Flirting is a form of human interaction between two people, expressing a romantic and/or sexual interest. It can consist of conversation, body language, or brief physical contact. It may be one-sided or reciprocated.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flirting

I know when I have flirted and when I have just been friendly. I think the difference goes to intent.

Oh, and by the way...

I don't agree, Charlotte. Most people don't have trouble identifying flirting when they see it. If a person does not know the difference, they probably have other problems.

flirt (flûrt) Pronunciation Key
v. flirt·ed, flirt·ing, flirts

v. intr.

To make playfully romantic or sexual overtures.

Well, that's where I have the problem. I don't see flirting as ALWAYS expressing romantic and/or sexual interest.

I agree with your "intent" statement, though. Which is why I feel like locking yourself away from the world is the only way NOT to flirt since even the most innocent thing can be construed as flirting.

Charlotte

Well, I know the difference. But the "other side" doesn't always and I know I have accidentally flirted and there's nothing I can do about that except stay in my house and never come out again.

Charlotte

Well, I agree with that. If you can't tell the difference and sometimes "accidentally" flirt, you might oughta just stay home.

..........IF you're married, that is!

Or, if my husband is anywhere near you...

I CAN tell the difference. I think a lot of people out there are just looking for it. So, yeah, I guess I'll just stay home.

Heck, I didn't even want to refresh my make-up the other day when I was sitting on the bench with Gray waiting to testify. I didn't want him to think I was preening for HIM!! UGH!!

Yeah, I'm still married. And I'll most likely continue to wear my rings after the divorce to avoid any problems.

Charlotte

Okay, if we ever meet and I'm not smiling, you'll know why.

Thank you! I appreciate that. No hard feelings I hope.

And vice-versa. You'll know that just because I am unsmiling that I am not unfriendly.

Just don't be flapping those eyelashes around married men, Charlotte!!

I think this pretty much sums it up. And for the record, the interpretation always seem to come from a WS who thinks they are immune to having an A or even a ONS. Such people, Dr Harley refers to as "the most vunerable."

My FWW was hit on and continually complimented until it finall turned her head. That open Love Bank being filled by someone she never envsisioned could do so, because she was immune from an A. Couldn't happen, no way, impossible. Sadly, that's what I believed as well.

We BOTH had to find out differently, and not without years of pain and humliation.

I liken flirting to the moth that constantly dances around the allure of a burning candle. One day, the moth gets to close and is consumed by the flame. One dead moth, one wayward spouse.

My FWW was basically dumped by her "burning candle" as he moved on to other, and more younger conquests. In the end, he simply smirked and said, It's all a big game. Don't you understand?

The idea that you are somehow not the same, is a very slipery slope that could eventually be your undoing.

So thanks, Mel. This is rather very important. Even it it changes one person's mind.

All blessings,
Jerry

I have always thought this as well...interesting that I am not the only one!

gl,

Sorry, flirting is NOT okay in a marriage.

Flirting is ALWAYS sexual.

This is why people get in trouble.

My opinion. I have never been a flirt. I don't need other people to tell me I am good looking. My H does plenty of that!

And be very very wary of people that tell you or H how 'lucky' you are to have your spouse. That means they would be willing to cross those marital boundaries.

Peace out,

Love in Christ,
Miss M

I've never accidentally flirted. I've only ever foolishly, stupidly and I guess skankishly flirted.

I look forward to trying again!!

Julie,

You are being silly.

Nothing wrong with a little flirting when you are SINGLE, with SINGLE men.

You are a good and moral woman, we all know that!

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Flapping? Nah, I think flapping is okay. It's fluttering that will get you into trouble!!!

Quit flapping those eyelashes on my thread!!! ondelay! ondelay!!!

Cain't hep it!! I got sumpin' in myeye!!

You are a lyin ho!! Quit flapping those eyelashes!

Just wanted to submit another opinion to Aphelion's quote of women hitting on married men being worse than men hitting on a married woman.

First of all, I don't think there is one or the other that is more wrong or right (no thanks to Restless Heart for that absolutely worthless song about cheating...) than the other.

However I know of no other case where a FAITHFUL partner in a marriage is so completely deceived as to parentage as that of the child conceived by his unfaithful wife. He may also be required to RAISE a child that they did not cooperate in conceiving in the family home to preserve the marriage. In many states the child is even recognized to be the child of the husband regardless of whether he actually is the father of any child born during the marriage.
Not only that but many times he is required to pay child support if the marriage fails and he does not find out about the infidelity within a certain time period to challenge paternity.

A married man fathering an OC with an OW will also have to pay child support and DOES cause just as much damage to the marriage, however, the wife in most cases, does not have to raise the child NOT KNOWING IT IS SOMEONE ELSES CHILD!!!

A faithful wife ALWAYS knows if her child is hers. A man has to hope or submit to DNA testing. There is ALWAYS damage done in infidelity, but at least a faithful wife knows when her child is hers...

THE TRUTH IS ANYONE HITTING ON A MARRIED MAN OR WOMAN IS A POS!!!

Jim

I totally agree with this, it couldn't be anymore plainly said.

I am never flattered when someone flirts with/hits on me even though I am wearing a wedding ring. I think it's disgusting and am repulsed by the fact that some guy thinks he is so great that I would actually consider doing ANYTHING with him even though I am CLEARLY married. "Egotistical b*stard" immediately comes to mind when this happens.

And then I want to get

Ok ok. So I'm learning this game. And this post will clearly be of benefit to me. I used to be a flirt, would go out with girlfriends and this would be the object. Evil I know, awful. And I knew it and I enjoyed it.

Now having got to that age with the kids and an empty love bank with very poor boundaries I found myself in an A.

Something that I had said I would never do and couldn't understand how it happened.

I avoid any situation where I will be in conversation with men without my H or the mans wife. I well and truly see the dangers of even a mispalced smile.

But I still don't quite see how it is an insult. Please will someone explain very loudly and clearly

Really?

really

A woman who cheats on her H is a skank so obviously a person who hits on such a married woman believes [rightly or wrongly] that she will be skank with him. Therefore, when a man hits on a married woman he is presuming [hoping] she is a skank and he will get lucky. To be treated as a SKANK is an INSULT.

Clarity. Thank you

The new me is insulted!

Something every mother should teach her daughter so she doesn't grow up being "flattered" that married men find her HHOOOOOOOOTTT!

point very much noted

What's the old saying about men who proposition a female will get slapped 99 out of 100 times?

It is never a compliment, and chances are good that these guys do it to many, many women, so don't consider it "special" or "flattering".

haha if a guy hits on a girl at a bar....he's basically wearing a sign that says free drinks....he's usually used for a few drinks and left....Seen it....done it in my single days. Men at bars are really not worth much more than that.

*ducks on coming flying objects*

Miss M,

True, I'm always being silly. And thank you for the reassurance - I like to think of myself as a moral person...now. However, I wasn't joking. For years (most of my marriage, actually) I was always "involved" with other men somehow. Lunches, flirtatious (work!) emails, playful at the bar or when we'd have "friends" over, etc. In fact, often STBXH would encourage it! His friends would hit me on or love-tap me or the like. He'd never do the same, with their wives or GFs, but I know he was likely inappropriate while away from me, which was quite often, as he was/is a "weekend drinker". I guess that was his justification. And for years, I went along with/accepted/allowed it!

I DO also look forward to trying again. Because now I AM moral. If only I could have a do-over. How much better off my kids would be!

Sorry for the T/J. I was skanky. I didn't realize it, but I do now. It's OK, I'm reformed.

Ok everything I said got twisted one way or another. I have read your definitions. And I can say that I have never flirted with anyone other than my husband with the attention to have sex with them. Maybe I was just being nice by your definition, but it was never with the intention to "get my skank on." I am not a skank and never have been. But yes I am friendly with almost everyone I run into contact with. I accept compliments by those who give them, because otherwise that would make me rude. I am not going to lock myself up in my home just because I am friendly and people want to be friendly with me. That is ridiculous! I have friends that are married and we are all friendly with each other, because we know that we all have self control. There is no one other than my husband who's opinion that really matters to me. But that doesn't mean that I don't appreciate some one else giving me a compliment or something like that. Its insane!

So how do you know if you are flirting then right?
If you wouldn't behave in that certain way with your spouse or OP's spouse present, it's flirting.

A wedding ring can be an invitation to morally inept people who want ONS's, no commitment, just a quick roll in the hay.

I am most definitely insulted, and feel almost sleazy when any guy hits on me. It makes me question, am I giving off some sort of vibe to these jerks ???? That's just me though.

Now there's a phrase...get my skank on. LOL

Very good one ML.

GL, there is a huge difference between being friendly and FLIRTING. My suggestion would that if someone CANNOT TELL THE DIFFERENCE, then they probably should stay home and not operate vehicles or be about in public.

However, I suspect most people do know the difference.

Thankee, Rock..

Despite what some of you believe, I wouldn't act any different if their spouse was there or not. And I have never had anyone uncomfortable with me or the way I behave. So maybe I'm not flirting.

[/quote]
A wedding ring can be an invitation to morally inept people who want ONS's, no commitment, just a quick roll in the hay.

I am most definitely insulted, and feel almost sleazy when any guy hits on me. It makes me question, am I giving off some sort of vibe to these jerks ???? That's just me though.

[/quote]
I feel quite opposite than you. Why should you feel dirty if someone is hitting on you? What did you do wrong? But that's just me. If I get hit on by someone, like a couple of days ago I was out with my son and some random guy in my complex said that he see's me out with my boy every day. And then he said he likes my tattoo which is on my lower back by my hip, which is usually covered by my shirt, but sometimes my shirt comes up and you can see it. And how does a compliment on my tattoo make me the bad guy? I told the guy thank you and nice to meet you and kept walking.

Mel,

Have you left the keyboard to hit the girl's room yet, today? Lol!!

I flirt with disaster.

Flirting with another person, while your spouse is not with you, is like wearing a flashing neon sign on your forehead that says:

"Im Available."

It will most often be misinterpreted be OP as just that, and in the right set of circumstances,(ie,alcohol or other) it could turn out to be very true. Hence, the ONS.

Very dangerous and slipery slope indeed for a married person.

All Blessings,
Jerry

OK, MS, is this an admission that being observant is not your strong suit? I went on 2 appointments, met a friend for lunch and then went shopping for hours!

I know about Blackberry technology!!!

Gl, I think this is the issue for you. You may not know the difference between flirting and just common friendliness. What you describe here is not flirting, it is just a compliment. No one has ever said you were a "bad guy" for recieving a compliment so I have no idea what that is about.

Don't own one! Like I said, powers of observation.......

Shhhhhh.....do you hear that?

LISTEN

girlfriend, this is not your day!! dat link is broken like your powers of observation!

ok well I guess I just disagree with the definition of flirting. I don't think that it ALWAYS has something to do with sex. Just that it might be some sweet talk, with out intent. With out any hidden meanings just being flirtatious by being very nice. I don't see how all situations are exactly the same. I know that a lot of situations start the same, but not all of them end the same. It started out as a generalized thread, and I wanted to make the point that not every flirtatious event ends with sex. And married or not flirting doesn't make a person a skank. Now if a married person is propositioning sex or is propositioned for sex then that's a different story, but you can't put all flirting events with that same situation.

MY POINT IS IF YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE A STATEMENT LIKE THE ORIGINAL POST ON THIS THREAD, BE SPECIFIC. DON'T GENERALIZE IF YOU ARE GOING TO THROW INSULTS IN THE MIX. OTHERWISE ITS GOING TO MAKE YOU A HYPOCRITE.

That was not to insult anyone, just hoping to make some people understand what they themselves post. Be aware. And that's just my opinion.

Oh for pete's sakes.....



Totally not my day!!!

Maybe a glass of wine and a hot bath would be in order?

success!!

well ML that would be lovely and soon I will have to jump in the shower and go to bed, but do you understand my point? There are so many people that are willing to jump to conclusions and sling words around with out thinking. And there are some situations that are not the same as others. Not everyone is willing to sleep with every one they meet. Just because of what happens with some, doesn't mean its going to happen with others. And that is all that I can say about that, I can't change anyone's mind. I just hope that some are willing to open theirs.

Enjoy your shower, GL! No, I don't get your point, but I suspect your confusion stems from an inability to understand the difference between flirting and just plain friendliness. I think if you focused more on telling the difference it wouldn't be so upsetting to you.

GL.
This reply in another thread, tells me volumns:



The above gives me a better understanding of your failure to protect your weakness. This is a DJ, but, if this keeps up, you are bound to be just another stat here on MB. If that happens, and it looks to be leading that way, I'm sure we will never hear from yor again. Just wish I or someone could open your eyes before that actually takes place. You are RIPE for an A and some predator out there is going to recognize this immediately(cause ther so good at doing that) and voila.

Another person who believed they could not enter into an A, becomes the VICTOM that Mel is referring to.

Good luck,

All Blessings,
Jerry

Because if some guy hits on me, he must think that I am attractive, if he thinks I'm attractive he must be thinking a sexual thought, if he sees my wedding band and still hits on me he must think that I'm loose.
I'm very uncomfortable with another man other than my H thinking any sexual thought about me. Does that just make sense to me?

That is a compliment GL, what you write if this is all there is to it, is not flirting.

But let's say the conversation went like this ..... let's see if you see the difference.
Guy " Nice tattoo, I really like that "
GL " Thanks "
Guy " You got any more that I can't see " in an obvious sensual tone. At this point GL, how would you be feeling?
GL ... how would you respond ?

GL, I doubt that you will believe anything that us old folks are saying, I know this because I was your age once and thought that flirting was harmless. If you don't see a difference, try to have an open mind and see where this could lead.

Yeah? That's HIS problem.



Then DON'T go out in public! Men are everywhere!!

What is the time frame? Every 8 seconds a man thinks about sex?

Charlotte

Lacey is not going to have an affair with anyone. And she DOES protect her boundaries, I know this for a fact.

Charlotte

bump

We need the "you're different" letter on this thread too, anyone got a link?

Yes, but the link is broke.

Brainy, there is an extra "http//" in the links. Take that out and it will work. I can't do it from my phone.

Thanks RQ.

He'll be Different with You. You're Special

karma,

I found it for you, back when you first requested it.

I just read through.. ALL of the post and it has opened my eyes soooo much! Thanks everyone!!!

Welcome to MB Bleeding_ Heart1.

Would you like to share your story?

My story is very very long.. But right now I have made up my mind to not accept others to flirt with me. I used to be VERY flirtatious until I got myself in trouble. Since then I work to protect my marriage. Well lately my husband thinks I take the protection thing to far because I don't like that he texts and "jokes" with his female coworker/ friend/s. I get extremely hurt when I see texts from them talking about poly marriages and her asking him how she smelled last night at work.. Or crap like that.. That looks like flirting to me. Which he claims it is just joking. I know what flirting is but apparently I'm wrong since they are "only friends and wouldn't do anything more" and they are "only joking around". That sounds like bull to me and I feel lied too. I am hurting Sooo bad from this. I can't seem to get him to understand why this is hurting me and he thinks I'm just being irrational and shouldn't freak out when there isn't anything going on between them.

I feel broken hearted. Jan 20th is my 5 year anniversary. I'm 26 and we have 2 kids. I just want to be completely loved with no doubts that I'm on him mind. I feel like I can't trust him and obsessively look at him phone, Internet history and any thing I can find. I shouldn't have to feel like I'm hovering and hounding him..

I just want to make since of all of this...

Sorry for the bad grammer and errors..

Mine is long as well - I am not what people think I am - I will post my story eventually but it will be a very long read

Please start your own thread. This sounds like very bad news to me but there are thngs which can be done and we can help you out if you start one.


Hugs.

Hopefully not longer than 3 paragraphs? Brevity is the soul of wit!