It has been a long time since I last posted here. Many changes in my life since my last update. Where to start...

Got a JOB!: landed a job at a local university mid October. I'm either a pretty good candidate, or a lucky-[censored]...probably a little of both. Learning curve is steep, but it's been great to get back in the workforce. I continue to teach night class, administer some web sites and of course shoot pictures. Even created an LLC for my businesses. The down side is me and the kiddos leave the house @ 6:30 AM every day (they head off to before and after school care) and we get home around 6:00 PM nightly. Long days. Throw in class prep and night class from 6PM to 930PM thursdays and you have a long week. Ug.

Settlement talks: We began discsusions in September, but STBx has had some ups and downs. We have since moved our discussions to e-mail, which I believe is helping her move forward. It's been difficult at times, but I'm confident we will reach a resolution that will work for both of us and minimize atty fees. When things get difficult I remind myself that we need to do what's best for the DDs first. They are and always should be our #1 priority.

My frequenting this and other forums: I came to the realization that coming to this and other forums was not helping me move forward. In fact, reading posts here just pulled me backwards. I would read and remember some minute detail of her affairs, our marriage, and get sucked back in to the negative feelings, the anger, the pain. So I did what I had to do...I weaned myself from these forums. I had to. I quit coming here because I needed to move forward with my life. And I believe I have.

I could say more, in some ways I want to say more...but doing so would only elicit replies, questions, suck me back in to these forums. Right now I cannot do that. #1, I simlpy don't have the time. #2, I need to continue moving forward. #3, i'd probably get banned anyway (maybe I should just write it and be done...)

That is all for now. The kiddos are adjusting. I'm adjusting. I'm moving forward. LG, out.

Hi Lawful>

I'm marking exams again tomorrow. No pay for this service.

I hope you get it together for the kids. Nice to hear from you, Old Chap.

Hey LG! Thanks for the update. Congratulations on your new job. I am so glad you are getting on so well. take care, LG.

LG,
So glad to hear you are at peace with your decisions and are moving forward.

God Bless you and your family.

Gg

LG,

Glad to hear things are going better for you. Hope you and the children find a way to better balance your lives.

God Bless,

JL

December 26th will forever be a day I do NOT look forward to.

It was this day exactly one year ago that I got up, made her coffee, breakfast and packed her lunch...and kissed her goodbye as she left for work. It was this day a year ago that she left her e-mail open.

A med-school friend of hers had an affair (+baby), and gone through a divorce. I saw an e-mail from him and opened that e-mail, wondering how he was doing. As I read I could feel something was not right. I read more. The more I read the worse it got. December 26th, 2008 became D-Day #2 (OM#3). Ick.

Dec 26th 2008 set in motion a string of events that would eventually lead to Plan D. It has been a heartbreaking, emotional journey filled with ups and downs. I've learned so much about myself, grown as a person, as a man, as a father, husband and friend. I've watched closely this past year. Watched her lack of effort last winter and spring. Watched her make wholesale changes in her life after handing her divorce papers. I was patient and knew that this must be a divorce.

And most recently I've watched her slip back in to her old self. All the things she did last summer to "win me back" to have "just one more chance", all those things have stopped.

Last summer she read the books, she counseled with Dr. Harley himself, she purchased me flowers, brought me clothes, food, spent great quality time with the kids, started going to church again, counseled with our pastor, apologized to my family promising them she would do anything to make this up to me. Even told me to take it all, the house, her retirement, all the insurance...it meant nothing to her...just take it all.

Now a few months later all that has changed. All that has stopped. Can't say that I'm surprised.

Christmas was hard as kiddos were with her. Got snowed in so it was just me and the pooch. Good time for reflection, but also a sad time. Going to get the kiddos here in a few...looking forward to giving them presents from me. Happiness in small doses. Take care and God Bless. Merry Christmas, LG

LG,

I'm sorry you are having a challenging time. The good news... This year is over in about 16 hours and you will NEVER have to go through this day again.

You are taking care of yourself, you are posting and you are learning to take the rough times, turn them inward and reflect on who YOU are which is all you can do.

Happiness in small doses indeed.

Take care of yourself and be good to yourself, and gentle too.

May this be a fast but enjoyable day with your children and that your love and relationship for them shadows any negativity.

LG, the first Christmas is the darkest time, friend, but I am here to tell you, it won't always be this dark. You have made it through the worse and will come out of this. So sorry you spent your Christmas alone.

I am hoping you got it in writing that "you could have it all">

This can serve you well later if you end up in the divorce court process.

Yes, I do have in writing. And she told my fmaily she would "do anything to make this up to me..."

Good. If she messes with you again TAKE IT ALL and walk away. She is terrible. I am amazed you go for her "cute" act.

LG,

It was good to see your update. The anniversaries are tough, but it seems you are tougher. Hang in there and when all of this is over remember something that is very important in this season. Forgiveness is a gift, something you give that is not earned or even deserved. In the end it is really a gift for yourself as well.

It sounds as if your life is improving, it sounds as if your kids are adjusting, and it sounds as if you are growing. Keep up the good work.

God Bless,

JL

Good riddance 2009...the most difficult year of my life. Hello 2010...better days ahead!

ditto...Cheers!

x3. Get thee behind me 2009!

We are very close to a divorce settlement agreement...and reaching and end to this awful ordeal. My banker will be consulting with me this week to discuss options on the house. I�m crossing my fingers that he will have good advice, and the STBx and I will agree on terms�

Crossing my fingers, saying prayers, hoping for the best. It has been a loooooong 10 months. LG

Live long and prosper, my friend...

And may the Force be with you.

(How it irks me that sometimes people forget to capitalize it. It's a PROPER NOUN!..)

Update: STBx and I agreed on divorce settlement. Selling the house and splitting profit or loss. She's meeting with her atty next week to write up papers.

Kiddos sad about moving...

Job going well. Life moving forward. Spring is just about here. LG, out

LG:

From one LG to another:

Good luck, and Godspeed...

You fought the good fight, and are better for it.

Someone is goingto benefit from that, from your children to your next SO.

LG

Thanks LG! Yes, I certainly AM a better person for fighting the good fight, taking the high road. My kiddos are #1 and #1a in my life...and will be FOREVER!

Seriously, one freakin reply? Guess everyone forgot about me...no worries though...it's really great to be away from this forum and all the sad stories I read here. Even just reading for 5 minutes has me stressed, feeling down and feeling for all the peeps here suffering through affairs. Sucks!

Hold your heads high people...and know from LG that while affairs suck, divorce is waaaaaAAAAAaaaay worse. But it does get better...slowly. Be strong people! LG, out.

LG:

Sorry that I was the only one....

Real quiet weekend, all the way around.

Oh well.

Travel well.

LG

Hey LG,

Give us a break. IF you would update more often we won't be wondering LG???? Who is LG??? Oh yeah now I remember. Some of us are qualified to hide out own Easter eggs. I was certified a decade ago.

I'm glad this is coming to an end for you and that it seems to be a reasonable settlement for you. Give us an update soon.

I am curious has reality ever hit your W?

God Bless,

JL

I read your post....totally related to how this site sometimes makes me feel worse now that I am divorced from my WH. In fact, part of the reason I didn't reply was I thought you weren't gonna come back! LOL


I agree! Life goes on. Best to you!

Good to hear from you LG!

JL: Point taken. I do not visit this site very often for a few reasons:

1. Working full time (and then some), teaching nights, still developing my photog business, and most importantly of all, taking care of my DDs leaves me little time for anything else.
2. As said before, coming here is not healthy for me...it reminds me of the hard times, drags me back in to the drama of affairs, seeing other people's sorrow and anguish. I must have positive in my life. There is positive in this forum, but lots of sadness and sorrow.

On the STBx: Well, our interactions are cordial and civil. We are actually pretty nice to one another, although I do see her growing more distant. And that is okay. As some of you know, I handed her D-papers in May�she fell apart, begged me for another chance, completely changed her lifestyle, did everything she could to win me back. My decision was not changing.

I learned the following bit of information just a few months ago when she and I had a sit-down, heart to heart: she hit rock bottom in late September and even contemplated harming herself. Didn�t tell anyone, not ever her BFF. At that point in time she decided to move on with her life and realized that I was not going to take her back. Judging from her non-verbal�s, it was at that time that she started seeing other men, or in her words, �moved on with life.�

I have no solid proof of this, just my gut feelings. I think there was a guy she got pretty serious with in the fall. But I do not believe it lasted. She came to house and asked for her passport in January�and I had a gut feeling she was taking a trip�a trip with a man. Confronted her in February and just flat out said, �let�s stop this cat-mouse game�I�m pretty sure you are taking a trip and I�m pretty sure it�s with a man.� She said yes, she was taking a trip with a guy.

I told her that was her business and I didn�t care if she was seeing someone since we were divorcing. And I asked her to say those words to me�she nodded. I said, �no, I want you to say you aren�t going to bust me on settlement talks�and that I can date, see women.�

I know it sounds strange, but I just needed to hear those words from her mouth. She almost couldn�t say it. Even though she was seeing someone pretty seriously, serious enough to plan a trip with them, she still was visibly upset that I was even going to start seeing other women.

For the record, I went on two dates in the fall�but it didn�t feel right�so I swore off women. It was only after she �released me� that I even thought about �dating.�

Help me understand this one: why would a woman who had multiple affairs, a woman who could go out and sleep with other men while married to me, with a family at home, why would such a woman have an issue with me dating after 10 months of separation and a final divorce decree in the near future? I just don�t get it. How come it was okay for her when we were married�but makes her so upset to even think about me �dating� after we are apart?

Anyway, her interactions with me are, as I have said, cordial and even nice. There are times I can tell she is upset just by reading her non-verbal�s and tone of voice. But I don�t have to fix her problems any more. I cannot. She doesn�t have a good relationship with her parents, but the two BFFs that hid her affairs from me stick by her side. I don�t have much interactions with her at all.

As I said, her attorney is drawing up a divorce decree. The attorney�s will probably find a way to string this out and wring some more $$ out of us. At least there is light at end of tunnel. I have my daughters, have my health, have my friends and family. And that�s all that really matters to me.

I do wish the STBx well. I sincerely hope she figures out just what went wrong, why she had multiple affairs. I hope she doesn�t go down this road again. And I hope she doesn�t fall hard for a guy, and have him do the affair thing to her. No one, I repeat, no one deserves to suffer that pain. And I hope some day she finds peace and happiness. I know I will.

That�s all for now. Back to grading papers. Take care, LG, out

LG


Depending on the level of science to which you relate, the simple explanation for your question is:

She is hooked on the PEA rush from an infatuation. At the same time, she is attached to you by an oxytocin based affection.

PEA = phnylethylamine.

I wish I could detail it in layman's terms.

Larry

Quick update: DDay#3 one-year anniv. came and went without much drama or fanfare. D-papers-day one-year anniv. was interesting...as I was on a date I kind of like her.

More later...(maybe)

LG! I don't know what my name was last time we "spoke" but I was sadsosad then madsomad and I am now DancesWithGoats, all to reflect the changes. I just had to stop in and say hello. I have been gone from here for quite a while and am now just recently back to work some more. It sounds as if you are well on your way back to a happy life. I am so pleased for you!

I have also been away to do some healing. I checked back because I have recently been feeling stuck. I am glad to hear that you are making progress. My divorce was final last November. It is amazing how quickly you can get divorced in Arkansas if infidelity is involved. I'm glad I wasn't living in California when all of this happened. I would still be waiting to be freed. Good luck on your dating. Glad to hear that work is going well!

Update: The divorce proceedings grind on slowly...STBx and I struck a deal over four months ago. And now she wants to re-negotiate(?) I suspect her attorney is whispering something in her ear. I just want what is best for my dear daughters.

Been seeing the same woman for a few months now. I've met her brother and sister, and she's met my brother. We have not met each others kids, and plan to take things S L O W. Kids don't even know we are dating. She's funny, smart, caring, respectful and kind of rammy -- I like that! We are equals in this relationship, and it's a good thing.

I think back to the STBx and how, after DDay#2, she just sat back and let me do all the heavy lifting. Then after DDay#3 and me asking her to leave, watching her try her hardest for "just one more chance." But you know, a year is a long time...lots of self reflection, venting, anger, healing and even forgiveness. STBx has been seeing someone for 6 months (not an OM while we were married from what I can tell) I hope it works out for her.

The woman I'm dating now is very nice. Today is her birthday and we are going to dinner, then meeting some of her friends for drinks. Neither of us are big "party" people, so we are plotting our escape from the partiers. I've watched and listened and think I have some pretty good gifts lined up for her.

It is nice to experience happiness after such a long, dark period in my life. Divorce is truly a horrible thing, a long dark tunnel of despair. But light is finally starting to shine at the end of the tunnel. I actually started editing pictures again recently...something I loved to do, but lost my way this past year. I might even pick up a fishing rod here soon

That's all for now. Affairs suck...divorce is WORSE...but I'm hear to tell you life goes on. It didn't kill me (although some days I thought it would), and it HAS made me stronger.

God Bless, LG

Hi Lawful,

I also curious why the divorce is going so slowly. Do you have a lawyer on your side finding the delay.

I always suspect lawyers like to stretch it out in order to make themselves more money?

Where are the days when it was an honorable thing to be a lawyer?

Does this woman know that you are still married? Is she secure with that knowledge?

ugh, LG, my friend, I am sad to read that you are dating before the divorce is final. I did the same thing after my last husband left me. I was so emotionally vulnerable that I found myself in love very quickly. I would have fallen in love with a tree if it waved at me after what I had been through.

The problem, besides being married, is that we are so vulnerable that our judgement is impaired. My feelings overwhelmed my judgement and led me to ignore big red flags. I found myself engaged ONE WEEK after my divorce was final.

And you can see the rocky beginnings of my marriage.

Does this woman know you are married?

Thanks Imagine. Appreciate your words.

Melody and Sugar, yes, she knows my divorce is not final yet. Do you seriously think I would not share that bit of information with her MINUTE ONE?

I ask my STBx to leave the house over a year ago, battle through the most difficult time in my life, find a new job (jobs), I�m there for my kids each and every day of their lives. I see a counselor regularly, as do my kids. I journal, think about life, read books, blogs�and I spent months trying to negotiate a settlement directly with my STBx to avoid the ugliness of divorce, save some bones. I try my best to treat STBx with dignity and respect, especially in front of the kiddos. We were inches from signing the official paperwork a few months ago�but STBx drags her feet, then decides she wants to renegotiate. UG!

And I decide it is time that I look for some happiness in my life. So I start dating. After many dates that just didn�t work out I meet someone I like and who has similar thoughts on parenting, life, etc. We take things slow. We continue to take things slow. There is no rush to get engaged, or even meet each other�s kids.

I�ve had long talks with my family, friends and counselor � and this is the right path for me. Not one person questions the path I�m taking�and honestly, I do NOT need approval from anyone for my actions. I ask God every day for three things:

1. Bless my STBx and my kiddos
2. Bless my family, friends and watch over them
3. If it is Gods will, let someone enter my life who I can be happy with, share my life and family with�to be my equal, my friend, my confidant.

So I come back here hoping to share a little light in my life�and the first thing I hear from you two is �does this woman know you aren�t officially divorce yet�(?) Seriously!!?? How bout a little �hey, LG, good to hear from you, glad things are working out��(?).

What�s next�yet another barrage of peeps here suggesting I give my STBx �just one more chance�for the good of your girls��

I know I�m not the poster child for all things marriagebuilders, cause I did opt for Plan D. But to jump on my thread, after all I�ve been through, after I have found some small slice of happiness, and to question my honesty (does she know I�m not married) and my integrity (dating before it�s official), come on now. Seriously???

[note, I don�t expect replies, and I�m not going to engage in an argument about anything I�ve written here�I�m simply jumping in every once and a while and giving you all an update. Nuff said]

God bless, LG

LG, as far as I am concerned you ARE the poster child for Marriage Builders! Divorce is the definition of success in your case! I am very happy you are getting a divorce. You paid a high price to get out of this marriage.

And I don't question your integrity, I question the common sense of a woman who dates a married man! I question the common sense of a married man who dates! Until you are divorced there is always a chance you might go back. Jumping into a relationship so soon is bad news for the reasons I gave.

We haven't changed a bit around here, LG. We are not going to just tell you what you WANT to hear. I'm sorry, but dating while you are still married is to play with fire. What kind of friends would we be if we didn't say so?

LG -- I did follow your thread through the tough times, and I'm happy you are happy. Glad you are checking in from time to time. We continue to root for you!!

Hey, LG, good to hear from you, glad things are working out!

Seriously, your thread was one of those that I followed, and I'm happy that you're finding a measure of peace.

Hey LG, good to hear from you, glad things are working out.

Glad you are finally finding some peace and enjoying life again....It's great hearing that you can come out of a situation like this with hope for a future. I realize a lot of hurting has happened to get to this point....
Enjoy your girls and your new lady, take things slowly and just keep an open mind to what life has to offer you now...
Keep moving forward, thanks for the inspiration.....

LG

Hey, LG, good to hear from you, glad things are working out, how's it hanging?

What in the name are you doing dating when you have not been divorced?






Hows this LG?

LG:

Good to hear from you.

Do everything slow. Finish the Divorce quickly, however. Can't think of a better thing long term for you.

Its unfortunate that you found someone before the D was final. For all intents and purposes, this M is dead.

Good luck.


LG

Thanks LG.

For what it's worth: after MONTHS of negotiating, Ex and I agreed to divorce settlement March 15th -- four months ago! She has dragged her feed on paperwork since that time. The parenting plan is signed by judge and accepted by the court. And the divorce decree was drawn up and sent to me months ago...I suggested a few edits...it was then that the Ex wanted to renegotiate (more feet dragging).

And another FWIW: She's been seeing a guy for 6+ months, took him to Mexico in March, had weekends away from town two or three times, and is planning to take him to Seattle in fall. We (Ex and I) talk openly about our relationships to each other...but never to, or around the kiddos.

Jeeze, why do I feel like I have to justify my actions here. Look, I know it�s easy to make snap judgments on this site, to express your opinions anonymously, to �judge.� But in all reality, the peeps here know a very small slice of my life � and I a very little slice of their life.

I�m moving on with my life in a manner and pace that I�m comfortable with. I am feeling happiness for the first time in a long time � and it�s not because I�m dating. It�s because I�m happy with the person I�ve become, I have a good job, I have my kiddos, I have my family. And now I�m starting to date a woman whom I like.

Take all the pot-shots you want about me dating before being divorced, etc. I can tell you one thing with 100% certainty � I will never, repeat�NEVER reconcile with my Ex. She will always be the mother of our children, and I will always, repeat�ALWAYS treat her with respect and kindness. You have my word as a gentleman on those two topics.

LG, out.

Here is a tip passed on to me by one of my photo buddies- Sell your pictures on RedBubble. I just lurk there.

LG;

You did many things right in trying to save your M. In many respects you were an MB Poster child for 5-6 months.

Then the true reality of the monster you were married to was made plain.

She, in order to save her self-esteem, even tried posting and learning here. She wasn't really interested. She put a toe in, and quickly withdrew it. She just liked the cake she was eating. And you took it away.

I am very glad you are happy. After all the terrible things you had to endure, it is good to see you happy. You were happy before you met this new woman, and that is even better.

In MB terms, it isn't right to date before the M is over. Which in this case, is a technicallity for the date that its over. The DNR has been signed, the machines unplugged, but the patient, somehow, continues to breath.

In your case, the M is dead. Take it slow with the new woman. Because relationships seems to work better that way, no matter the circumstances.

I enjoy your updates. Your a success story.

In no uncertain terms can you NOT look back at what happened, and know that you did the right things to recover your M. In hindsight, going directly to Plan D would have saved you an awful lot, but your M appeared salvagable. Then, her true colors appeared, and you can't get away fast enough.

Hence HER delay of this thing. So, ask your Lawyer to put a fire to the other side... (IF you haven't asked EVERY WEEK so far...)

Good Luck.

LG

Hi LG, I too followed your thread and always admired how you have handled yourself and put your kids first priority.

It was good to hear your updates. You know MBers want your happiness always.

You are a better person than me because I cannot use the word "respect and XH" in the same sentence. Yes, I can have empathy for him, even kindness but respect? I respect and admire my children who are doing well in spite of this. They are my heroes. I pray for my XH, I pray for my family.

Wish you the best life that you can achieve.

LG, good going getting away from that monster. Thanks for caring enough for yourself to get away from her and have a nice life some day.

Does not matter that you will never recover your marriage. For it still takes one year to recover from a long term relationship before one is ready to begin dating again.

So wallow in the mud all you want. There still is no justification for dating, having and affair, before the fat lady has sung.

LG:

I'm happy that you have moved on and are happy. Dating before D is not the MB way. However in some countries eg. Ireland that would mean 5yrs. So no I don't agree in those cases. However I will say that starting a relationship before all your financial /seperation stuff is finalised is definitely a BAD idea.

I started dating my current wife before my D. I had applied but it was still 6 weeks before ot was granted.

My financial / custody however took another few months, and yes it is not good to drag your new partner into this kind of arguing and lawyer stuff. It will cause arguments and put extra pressure on the relationship.

You need to consider this womans feelings

Thanks Road, cause it's been one year, two months and thirteen days since I asked the Ex to leave the house and served her D-papers (not that I'm counting

When did the fat lady sing? Was it May 8th, 2009 = d-paper day? Or was it 15+ years ago when she slept with other OMs? Or three years ago when she started her relationship with OM#4? Or when she met OM#3 on a get-away in fall '08? Or was it seven months ago when Ex started dating the guy she's with now? Is the "fat lady" some nameless, faceless judge who scribbles his name on a piece of paper so my state can officially declare me "single"? Or is the fat lady me refusing to be a doormat, taking a stand for what I believe in? Me standing up and saying, "I will not live like this any more"(?)

The fat lady sung.



And many thanks to everyone else who chimed in with positive words here, especially LG. I know who's got my back...and I know who doesn't. The glory of my situation is this -- I wake up every morning, look myself in the mirror and I'm DAMN PROUD of the man I am. I'm proud of how I handled myself through all of this. I'm proud I took the time to heal, to move forward (ever so slowly), I'm proud that I put my children first. I'm not going to sit here and say I "deserve happiness." I don't deserve anything...but I'm damn well going to fight for what I want in life. You can be sure of that.

LG, out

Good for you. As I said once all the nitty gritty stuff is sorted thats ok in my book.

I was just warning against bringing all that negative Cr*p into your new relationship.

Take care

LG - listen to this - it will color your relationship with this new woman. Your values are different than mine and I'm not here to impose any judgment on what you should or shouldn't be doing. I care about you as a decent human being who has been put through more cr*p by an inhumane woman than any man could tolerate - and for the most part you've come through with grace and strength.

There's just one little clue in your posts that says that the one year recommended breathing space between having all the dust settled on property division and child custody, done, gavel sounded and all the finality of divorce - not the filing date - this is your clue in your own words:


I understand the defensiveness - I really do. You anticipated a lot of "preaching" about your dating before divorced, but you had previously explained that you're not really adherent to a specific set of faith rules, so that's not where I'm coming from when I point out there's more to this paragraph than defensiveness. There's an unresolved anger that hasn't turned to indifference and it will at some point bite you in your new relationship.

The one year post divorce-final is to allow time to turn those angry feelings to indifference, so that they don't poison the new relationship.

That's where I think most people are coming from. So understand - we're your friends and we want nothing but peace, joy and happiness. I think you're a great guy and deserve it! Don't trip at the finish line!

"Thanks Road, cause it's been one year, two months and thirteen days since I asked the Ex to leave"

Asking for a divorce is not getting a divorce.

So it's been one year, two months and thirteen days of you waiting to start the clock ticking for your ONE YEAR waiting period to start as one can not begin healing from a relationship until the rwlationship is over.

No divorce not over.

We are literally inches away from a final divorce decree, having reached an agreement mid-March and sending it to attys to write up. Now my STBx is backpedaling, wanting more financial numbers from me, and I suspect, wanting to re-negotiate our settlement. I keep asking her what the issue is and the subject keeps changing. I can�t get a straight answer from her.

The worst part is the effect all of this is having on the kiddos. They asked if she had a boyfriend and thankfully she told the truth � and told them yes. My oldest is weepy just about every night when I say prayers and tuck her in to bed. Sad about divorce, sad about moving, sad about mommy having boyfriend, sad about the �worst year of her life.�

Youngest has had night-tremors this past week, then had bout with head lice. Rough days are these�

Had a good talk with my Mom tonight. She�s battling back from oral cancer surgery / chemo / radiation. Kind of puts my life in perspective. This stuff is hard, but I�m alive, and well.

Hang in there LG.

I hope this month and the next finally bring you and your children some peace in this whole mess. Does your soon-to-be exwife have a clue what this is doing to the kids?

God Bless,

JL

Just when things are bad they go worse.

Gosh LG, I'm sorry for you and the kids.
WW is in the medical field, what a selfish #$@ to want more of a settlement.

Things will look better a year down the road, and further yet in two.
Hang tough.

LG:

I would just ask STBWX for more financial info also. I'm sure with all her "free time" she is picking up more overtime and patients. So I am sure her income is much higher than a year ago.

Send that along. Tell her that you think that she needs to report more, so that she can pay more CS and other amounts.

Call the bluff.

Hope your daughter is doing better today

LG

Update on settlement:

First she couldn't pay her taxes -- so I worked with accountant and explained to her why that was not going to be a problem. Then she wanted to look at child-support / spousal-support numbers -- my atty said if anything, those numbers would go UP if we went to trial (I'm sure her atty said same thing). Then she shot me a proposal saying "all the CS/SS numbers look about righ...let's discuss other things" we agreed upon in March.

How do I hit this moving target?

So I tell her either we move forward with settlement agreement from March, or we need to have judge decide. That was two weeks+ ago and she still hasn't given me an answer. The good news, the trial date is set for December.

So one way or another this divorce will be final in December -- a year and a half after handing her the d-papers.

Hang in there LG it will all pass.

JL

LG:

About this:


She couldn't pay her taxes? You didn't help, did you? Was she spending her money on partying and vacations with OM's?

Strike that last paragraph, of course she was....

I hope the D is final in December. You don't want to be tied to her any longer.

LG

Hey LG, I know this site depresses you at times, lord knows it does me as well. But not hearing any updates from you is even more depressing! Let us know you are still out there kicking up some dust. Thanks

I'm alive...and well! Will hopefully have another update for you all in the next 2-3 weeks. Until then, be strong people!

yellow journalism

now

yellow posting

teasers
what teasers
we don't need no stinkin' teasers here

Have a good thanksgiving.

i am glad that you move on in a great way unlike your ex-W that will never have better life i think.

cheers from me LG

It's like a Movie Trailer.
Whetting the appetite.

Where's the popcorn?

Update: It's final. Judge signed the settlement on Tuesday. Done.

Excellent.

This is where your love life becomes legitimate. How is your relationship with the new lady?

That's it?!!! Come on now...there must be more to report.

Yea Lawfulgood, what's up? What else is going on in your life? I am relatively new to MB so I don't know some of the past posters stories. I just read through this entire thread today. I also read up on your stitch. I wanted to know how you are doing now? How are the kids doing?

....Hmmmmm...more to report? Well, I could write for hours. None of that matters now. All that matters is that I have custody of my DDs, love my job, really appreciate my family for all the love and support as I worked through the last one year and eight months.

Life is good. LG is happy. Nuff said...

Tomorrow will be exactly two years since DDay #2 / OM#3. Two years ago, on Dec 26th 2008, I got the ExWW off to work and went down to the computer to check e-mail. She left her hotmail account open, which she never did...

A lot has happened since then - anguish, pain, finding this site, five months of hard work and heavy lifting. Then DDay#3 / OM#4 and d-papers. A marathon divorce that has finally come to an end.

Most difficult two years of my life...but also the most educational two years of my life. I've grown in ways that I could have never imagined. I am stronger in so many ways.

I will be forever proud of how I handled myself. And some day my DDs will fully understand all of this -- and hopefully they will be proud of me as well.

Merry Christmas everyone! Take care, LG

A family friend is going through some difficult times in her marriage. I sense there is more to the story than her H is sharing...and I've encouraged her to visit this site. I hope I'm wrong.

My divorce was final in December. It is done. Freedom. Life is so much better now. It's not just about being happy, it's so much more than that. It's about doing what's right, demanding equality in relationships, not being a doormat to anyone ever again, not settling for scraps.

Life is good. Work is good. Kiddos are good. That's all from me...I'm out. LG

Hi LG!! If you get a chance, could you go take a look at the cell phone spying thread in the Operation Investigate forum and give your comments? Thanks!

Closing in on DDay #3, OM#4 anniversary (May 6, 2009). Wow, has my world changed in the past two years. I�m here to tell you there is hope, a light at the end of the tunnel, even after D-papers. Be strong people, don�t give up, and don�t be a doormat! Do what�s right, what�s best for you and your family. Set the bar high, and don�t settle for anything less. LG, out

LG,

Good to see your update. Been a long journey but it looks as if you are in a really good place.

God Bless,

JL

Thanks JL!

I'm truely in a really great place...

Take care, LG

does your wife still speak to her dds

Yes, ExWW has the kids sleep at her apt two weekends a month...and we split weekdays equally, although she only has them from after school until 8:00 PM on those nights. They sleep with me at house all but the two weekends a month.

She attends their ball games, and is generally good with them. Hasn't taken them on any trips (she's traveled four times in past 1.5 years with her new boyfriend), so that's a little frustrating.

She's actually been pretty agreeable with regard to the parenting schedule. There was this little thing about her trying to hide some money from me...but we are working that out

LG, out...

Checking in again...three years past DDay #3, OM#4 un-iversary (May 6, 2009). Happy to report that Ex is getting along nicely with me, our DDs, and my fiance. Life is GRAND!

Be strong people, do NOT give up, and do NOT be a doormat! Do what�s right, what is best for you and your family. Set the bar high, and do NOT settle for anything less. LG, out

"If it's important to you, you will find a way. If not, you'll find an excuse."

Thanks LG for the update and glad you and your DD are doing well

I don't know how you didn't Plan B that woman for life ... more power to you to be able to have a relationship with her.

Is she still as entitled, selfish, and wayward? If yes, then how do you do it without losing your mind?

I do what I do for my kiddos (DD's ages 13 and 11). Ex will always be their Mom, and I respect that and do what's best for my children. Ex is cordial to me, and in some instances really helps me out (taking kiddos when I'm on vacation or out of town). Remember, I have primary custody of my DDs...they are sleeping under my roof all but two weekends a month.

Is she still entitled, selfish, and wayward? Not that I see. As I said before, she's cordial to me and helps out when she can. She has a long-term boyfriend and it seems to be going well. I wish her nothing but the best. A happy Mom means less stress on our daughters. I am happy and at peace with my life.

Do you parallel parent? Does the contact you have with her bother you? You don't have any hard feelings towards her?

This is why it's so important that the A end, even if R never happens. Once the A is over, even if the WS goes on to have other relationships, it will be different. They will often be able to be good parents, and in many cases will appear nearly human.

Thanks for the update LG! Keep on smiling!!

My Ex is a doctor and basically said I needed to have primary custody of the DDs because of her work schedule. There was no custody battle, no arguments there...she pays me child support (and alimony...i walked away from four careers to support her medical career and was a stay-at-home dad for 4 years).

Kids sleep at my house all but four nights a month (the two weekends she has them). Ex does pick kiddos up from school some days in the month, and keeps them with her until bringing them back to my house at 8 PM on those days. I'm primary custodial parent and have final say.

Hard feelings? Not so much now. Our divorce dragged out 1.5 years, and that was a little tough. My sense was that Ex was trying to protect her business and $$, but in the end, we settled without putting it in front of judge. It was a fair settlement.

Met a wonderful woman on match-dot-com two years ago. Like I said before, life is GRAND!

Before your divorce was final?

I was going to ask the same thing. Those dang foreigners. beating me to the punch.

You have to get up early in the morning to beat the Brits, Brainy!

Wait...you're usually up all night...

Haha yup that dang night shift. Lack of sleep makes me slow and I have to be on my toes to compete with those Brits.

Hey to not t/j LG's thread can you take a look in on zouzouni's thread?

It makes sense now ... thanks for the clarification LG

Plan D enacted May, 2009...final decree paperwork signed Dec 2010.

Well hello people of MB.com

Has it really been FOUR years since Plan-D activated? Why yes, YES it has been four years!

I am here to report life is grand. DD's are adjusting well, playing club sports, oldest is getting ready for high school next year. My Redhead and I continue to raise our "blended" family to the best of our abilities.

The Ex is getting married in October to a good man. DD's tell me he's nice, treats them well, and treats Ex well...and that is all that I can ask for. Ex and I are very cordial, e-mail / text often and are on the same page with DD's. She supports my decisions and I her's.

Keep the faith people. Stay strong. Do NOT be a doormat, stand up for what you believe in and what you need in life. I am a shinning example that there is life after Plan-D.

Take care, LG

Does her soon to be new husband know she is a serial adulteress?

JK,

Glad you brought that up, because it is one aspect of adultery the adulterers don't anticipate...

When the affair and marriage fail how do reestablish honesty with the next spouse? I think many compound their error by lying about how their marriage ended, allowing their affair to continue into the third relationship.

God Bless
Gamma

Hi Lawfulgood,

Glad to hear from you. This is your infrequent responder.

I guess that you ex has proved to you to be a serial cheater. I wonder whether her interaction with marriage builders forum has in any way changed her tune. Certainly the divorce with you should give a strong Pavlovian response. Please keep infrequently posting.

Tell us more abut the redhead. Is she a copy of the Ex?

Jedi: Not sure if the new man in Ex life knows her history. Rumor on the street is that he is a "cheater" and cheated on her in their relationship. But that is just rumor / hearsay. I cannot confirm.

Thanks Gamma!

Imagine: I hope the Ex has learned from the experience, and learned from this site (in her brief time here). I do wish her the best, and hope that it all works out for her. That would also be best for our DD's.

Red is wonderful! Not much like the Ex. Red is fiery, outspoken, wears her emotions on her sleeve, kind, family oriented, caring and loving.

We were completely honest and open about our history coming in to this relationship. She knows that I will not be a doormat and will not tolerate cheating. That is a major deal-breaker...no questions asked. I know her deal-breakers. We treat each other with respect. There are challenges, as with all relationships. And it takes work. She is a good woman and I appreciate all that she brings to this relationship. She treats me right.

LG

Are you and the "Redhead" married, or living together, LG?

I am just not able to add 2+2=4 here...!

Wow, it has been a while since I've been to this site.

My EXWW's sister reached out to me this morning...her husband of of 5 years, and father to their 2 year old daughter has been cheating. She asked for advice...I've referred her here. Sadness. Hopefully they can recover.

My Update: EXWW has been married for three years. Her hubby is a great guy and great step-dad to my DD's. He and the EXWW have a 18 month old son. He's a cute little dude. EXWW is 48 this year, her hubby 39. They have a long way to go with parenting. Glad it's them and not me.

My oldest daughter is 18 and a senior. She's been struggling with eating disorder for 3+ years. Up and down. Her Mom battled ED as well. She has great support from family, counselor, dietitian, and psychologist.

Youngest turned 16 in July...she's doing well with driving and her Junior year of HS. Her and Sister won Softball State Championship in October. Good times for both of them!

Me and my Redhead are doing great! It will be seven years together in May. Kids are great, life is great.

Hang in there people...if you do decide to "Plan D" there is hope.

LG

Thanks for the update LG.

Is the guy that your XWW married to her affair partner?

No!!

I told her long ago if she ever brought that person in to our daughters lives, I would have a "significant emotional experience" (i.e., throat punch him!).

Thanks for the update!! Glad to hear you are doing well.

Celebrating 2nd anniversary with wife #2 today. Daughters just finished freshman and sophomore years of college.

Life is good!

Love to hear success stories!! Congrats!

Good to hear you are doing well!