Ok...there have been threads like this before but it has been a while. Sometimes, it good to just laugh at this ridiculous stuff and to see that most BS's are hearing the same outrageous garbage at some point or another. Try to get a laugh out of it and add to the thread!

I'll start....

My WW once said to me about OM "The reason that I like him so much is because he is just like you". Huh? I was so stunned when it came out that I couldn't even respond.

There are too many to name.

Pre D-day:

"OW is a really good person. You'd like her."

Uhhhhhhhh ,

Post D-day:

"I didn't think you'd care this much."



Waaaayyyy post D-day (14 years) ~~~>

" I cannot trust you. You had me followed."

Eh, yeah, and it panned out. Amazing.

When asked to write his NC letter, H said

"I have to really think about how to write it and don't want to be rushed. I don't want to hurt her feelings."

Ummm..right. But MY feelings didn't matter?

Of course, when I read all the crap they said to each other over email and chat, he would say over and over to her that he loved me, didn't want to hurt me and I'd be devastated if I found all this out.

HUH?

I have two.

On D-Day my FWH told me that he didn't want to pick anyone whom I would have to see everyday. So, I guess he was a MM looking before his A. Of course he said he didn't mean it that way.

The second dumb [censored] thing he told me was that he didn't want me around her because she is trash and a woman like me shouldn't be around women like her. OK, but he can bring her juices back home to me after their nasty romp in the hay. YUCK!(sorry TMI)

Here are some of the Old One's from '05, '07 and '08.

Fog Gibberish

Craziest Fog

Some More Wayward Logic and Wisdom

When she was discussing the possibility of going to NC with OM....

"By the way OM is going to be devastated by this"

As if I care about his feelings...please.

My wayward sister told me "I was 100% committed to my marriage EVEN AFTER I started sleeping with OM"

Adding this:

Her adulterous sex is simply an "embellishment" to her 100% wonderful marriage.

I was getting to the point of moving to Plan B and then he pulls:

"I'm giving you two days to prove that YOU are going to change and can make this marriage work." He was so generous.

NC followed a couple days later and we both make the marriage amazing.

We actually joke about the two days now.

Ummm...there are lots, here are a few that really blew my mind...

"I'm doing this because I don't want to hurt you anymore"

"If you really loved me you'd want me to be happy"

and

"I don't really want to do this, but I feel I have no choice"

I had to chuckle a little there I got that too - I don't think he ever got over it that I pulled that off abroad

Best one I remember.......

WW told me "We were doing it in the house (that would be my house) to protect you"

OW 3 had called him in April 09 before we separated and asked him out and he had declined. 6 days after we separated my PI busted them on their first date - so I asked himn if he kept her number back in April just in case we split up and he said: " No, she called again and this time I agreed to go out with her."


Geez, she must be psychic, to call him that exact week we split

You can guess my theory what really happened in this situation

As my WW was becoming entangled in her A, her resentment toward me really started to build. One time she said...

"I'm so sick of you mowing the lawn."

I always thought that was an odd one considering I mow like every other week in summer.

Well, I had replied before in the old thread, but since I was rummaging around my old thread the other day, I can quote some of those classics, which I had forgotten about.....

During an AMAZING Plan A moment by me, H had given me a tight hug and whispers...."Please fix this...."......

"If you got to know her, i know you two would be BFF'S...".....

"I didn't sleep with her until after I moved out and was done with this marriage....everybody does that ya know??...It's not that big of a deal....in fact, I would be okay with it if you started seeing someone else...."....okay, big lie here...this was his "confession". I found out 2 days later after I FINALLY got his email password that this was UNTRUE....

And the biggie, which, I hadn't forgotten and probably was one of the most hurtful things he said. This was during a fight after he found out about my exposing to my family...."I'm glad you found those emails. They finally gave me the balls to do what I should have done years ago and that was to leave your sorry a$$....."....because we all know what kind of balls a man needs to have an affair....oh, and that one got me a brand new couch the next day....Nothing like wayward guilt....

not2fun

Top this.



"He could get run over by a Mac truck and it would be THRILLING to me."

Wayward guilt, yep...I got a new laptop, 1G, and new cell phones for DS and I, not to mention all kinds of little things like dinner and favors around the house. As if that would make up for having our souls ripped out?

During the A:
(getting ready for work, he spritzes on the cologne I picked out for him) "The girls at work think I smell great."

Um, no. Make that just the ONE girl.

(watching me get ready for work): "Do you really put hairspray AND gel on your hair??? What about the environment???"

HUH? Since when did you become a tree-hugger? And there aren't CFCs in my hairspray. By the way, what's your REAL problem?

My all time favorite from my H during a year of lies and trickle truth........

"I hate it when you don't believe me when I'm telling the truth".


I'm pretty sure I had an incredulous look on my face.

This came from my WW through my attorney (who she called with a list of "demands"):

To write letters of apology and recant my exposure of the affair to everyone I had notified.

As I said then, you can guess what my reply was...

I think mind is the worst ever.

My husband told me that through his affair with OW, he lead her to the Lord and she accept Christ as her personal Savior? Huh???

So I guess for all the Pastors, Ministers, Father's, Priest, Rabbi, etc... if you want to lead someone to the Lord, have an affair with them and that'll do it.

The other one was, he told me she didn't have an orgasm, that was suppose to make me feel better. I guess knowing that he actually penetraed her and she didn't come was suppose to make me feel as though the sex didn't happen??? But, actually he admitted later that she did. I hate to say this about my husband, but what an idiot. All the degrees in the world couldn't have taught him that.

Yep Fred, I got similar..although from a friend of the OW. "Recant it, take it back!" I think OW plans on suing me, lol and good luck to her. That's okay how about alienation of affection; we can do law suits all day...I have no money, she does, we can play until hers is all gone; even if it all goes to attorneys' fees I'll smile. Then we will see how fun it is for the high maintenance tramp to be with my H who is quitting his good job to live off of her marriage settlement which her recent XH says won't last long (telling me that she spends like a fiend); which by the way isn't near to as good as her XH's job (I'm guessing my H makes about 1/3). It won't be long and she'll be looking for a new toy to play with; sugar-daddy style. Sorry if I sound angry; but I am...I'm sure in a few I'll be crying again.

Wow 26years! I think that is pretty bad alright! I think at that point I would lose all control, my head would start spinning like a top and pea soup would projectile from my mouth.

What on earth was your response. Gosh, I don't know if I would even have one. I think I'd be in utter shock. I'm sorry, that really stinks!

My FWW tried to convince me of letting her break NC with: "it'd be best for us if I talk to OM again to get closure". Nice try honey.

She actually sent an email to OMW saying: "Take a look at marriagebuilders.com. This site can be really helpful. Take care and I hope you're doing great". She sent this email a few days after D-Day when I exposed to OMW. The funny thing is that my FWW sent the link right after I told her about MB without having read much of the site. How thoughtful of her to try to help OMW after sleeping with her H.

I still have a copy of a letter she intended to send to Dr. Harley. The theme was asking for Dr. Harley to "help my H to move on". That one is a great collection of instant classics. Too bad she didn't send it.

She hit me with: "Why are you questioning my commitment to our DDs? I am a GOOD mother. I just want divorce you.". Oh yeah, I forgot how good mothers have A and get D thinking in the well being of their children.

Those aliens controlling WS are really creative creatures.

--ElCamino72

I got this in an email from Flick 11 days after d-day...


Strangly when I replied with
his only reply was "You do not seem to have been happy with my last email.
Nothing I said was right as far as you are concerned."


No duh! You just told me you wanted to stay friends with the COW that was turning you into a jerk!

I knew my H was in a crazy fog when:

H told me out of the blue that he wanted a separation. I made it very clear to him I did not want one, however if that was how he felt then he could leave that very day.

My H then had the nerve to say, "But I really like the house. It would be easier if you would leave and go stay with your parents and then I could stay here with the kids".

Uh, I don't think so....

Sad part about it is that's what he actually believed at first. Then I broke it down and told him how dumb that sounded he tried to change the story and say that's not what he meant. God doesn't need you to have an affair with someone to get them to accept Him. Besides if she accepted the Lord into her life so, why on earth did she continue the EA and wanted him to leave me for her.

26years, yep it was pretty dumb of him. What does he think, that God is happy about what he did. My WH acts like that and says God knows his heart, so what he's doing is okay.

Why can't you just respect my decisions?

Oh yeah, and after FB exposure I got the "I can't trust you anymore" comment as well.

I've gotten this one several times.

This thread is entertainingand has provided me with a much needed laugh.

I'm getting a few laughs myself. Do these people *ever* think?

These threads are always useful for the newbie BS's.
The fresh BS often thinks theirs is the only crazy-talkin' WS.
Or that no other WS has ever said such rubbish.
It's a good thing to learn that all this garbage is par.

I'm certain many of the former waywards don't appreciate reading such threads ... but in time, they too will find it amusing as well..

Peace

Travel, You said..."Oh yeah, and after FB exposure I got the "I can't trust you anymore" comment as well."

Well I haven't heard from WH since the FB exposure, his lawyer said he can't talk to me. But before my exposure, before Ihad solid proof, my son overheard my mom and I discussing exposure and took it upon himself to expose a bit (thank God it was the right person, I had no solid proof then) and wrote to about ten of OW family and friends. It was then my WH said it was embarrassing and that we were breaking trust that we'd never be able to regain. I felt like telling WH to look in the mirror. After that I felt no guilt when I exposed.


The ones I got from him 3 years ago in a prior A were...

"I didn't know she'd show up in Tahoe" Yeah right..it was a business trip and she lives in Texas.

and

"I only did it to get back at her because she hurt me so much before"

That's right Pep! That's why I started it! I think it is really improtant for the new BS's entering here to see that this adultery stuff is all the same. Their WS has not said anything to them that has not been said by a zillion other wayturds. Not to mention, it does provide some comic relief now and then.

Thanks for all the contributions so far and let's keep it rolling!

I think the protection order hearings from 5/09 and 6/09 take the cake in the craziest things my exWW has said.

When asked by the commisioner on why she needs a continuance:

" I have a medical condition that prevents me from thinking and speaking clearly when under stress. "

Let's just say this came back to haunt her later...

During her opening statement when she was talking about the audiotape of the incident:

" Don't believe everything you hear on the tape. PSUBIKER can act perfectly calm while committing extremely violent acts.I was so shocked by what he did that I said stuff to 911 that really minimized what happened"

She called 911 after I said I won't cosign on a lease with her. She told 911 that I was putting my chest out to her and standing in her body space. However, she told the police that I grabbed her. Also, she stood outside my car and screamed at me for 10 minutes while we waited for the police.

When asked by the judge during the custody hearing if she was proud of her actions that day:

" I was very proud, I was protecting my kids from an extremely violent person"

THe judge ordered her to take anger and stress management classes.

Another time, she said that POSOM knew more about horses than her father. Keep in mind that her father took care of the horses for the DuPont's, is currently the breeding manager for a former Kentucky Derby and Preakness winner, and has been training horses his whole life.

I too got the "just give her a chance, you guys are alot alike, I know you'll be great friends", of course at the time I didn't realize she was the enemy.


I've also heard from a WS (but not from my WS):

"I didn't leave because of the OW" and then a couple of sentences later "I knew that when I left, the OW and I would be together"

Mmmm, yeah, okay, and you didn't leave because of the OW? Right!

We were discussing the events leading up to H's A. He had gone over OW's apt for the first time, with a mutual female friend/co-worker. He said defensively: "I knew that if I told you about it, you wouldn't let me go. Am I right?"

I responded: "Yes, but then this A would never have happened." Apparently, this never occurred to him, as he sputtered for several minutes then fell silent. I actually enjoyed watching him, though I didn't show it.

After exposure: "I am (flip the bird) with everyone!" several times, over and over. "I never have fun." "I need to focus on myself and figure out what I want."

This priceless one: "Yes, OW had this guy friend that hangs out at her apt a lot, and I liked him, I couldn't admit that I was gay, that's why I was over there all the time, so I could be with him" then not one minute later asking me to go upstairs and have SF with him, then proceeded to go upstairs, ACTUALLY expecting me to be right behind him. I stayed right where I was, though I hadn't had SF in a month.

WOW, where to start? I had a long drawn out Dday I guess because it started Nov 07 and went until Nov 09.

I have gems from BOTH WH and POSOW.

POSOW- "Why would I want to date a man who would cheat on his wife and leave his children for me?" I asked her this again in Nov 09 but she didn't have an answer

WH-"What I want for the next 3 months is for us to be civil to eachother, well more than civil since we were more than that."

WH-"We are just friends. She is not even my type. She is like my sister we are so much alike."

POSOW-the night I found out about SF "You don't recognize WH any more because he is so HAPPY with me and he was never happy with you." My response, "reallY? then why is he so depressed that he can't eat or sleep?"

WH-"I just want you to be YOU." Okay I'll stop being the king of France since you asked. Or did he mean he wanted me to just be ME with no him? Hmmmmmm HAHAHAHAHA

POSOW- while discussing my kids and visitation, "He's not the first Dad to leave his kids." My response, "Nope but he is their first Dad to leave them."

POSOW- "There is a house for rent down the street from you, we will just move in there."

WH- "just because I am living with OW, it doesn't mean that it is over for us."


When I found WH at POSOW's apt and got him on HER phone, He said, "She was having a problem with her BF so I came over to help her(and lied and said I was going somewhere else)" My response, "Yea the problem with her BF is that HE IS MARRIED TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Okay, got another...since my Dday and divorce crud started almost simultaneously...

"People get divorced all the time!"

He said it joyously, but like, "It's no biggie, what's your problem?"

Yep, well people do all kinds of crappy stuff all the time, but it doesn't make it okay; I could make a long list...

Okay, folks, this one is really kind of hot off the presses. It was hurled at me JUST THIS PAST SATURDAY EVENING! And just posted today. After encouragement from MS, I'm sharing this little pearl o' wisdom from Skattorney herself:

�Why does it have to be all or nothing with you. Why can�t you just let the situation run its course and be accepting of the future being unclear?�

A real piece of work here, folks. I guess I�m restating the obvious, though. I'm sure I have more to offer, but this one is fresh. Kinda like some of the stuff lurking in the back of my refrigerator....

Thanks,
TB

my Ws never agreed to the NC but used the same line "I need to talk with him just for closure" she also said
"I need to ask him if what we had was real because even if he did just use me for sex it was still very real for me"
my demon possed alien of a WS has said so many off the wall things it would fill up the rest of this page

One dumb thing my husband asked me to do when he called her to tell her it was over. He asked me if he could talk to her in "private". I'm like, are you serious. You are crazy if you think I'm going to leave the room while you talk to her.

How's this?


"She would be a good influence on the children."
"She could move into the spare room. She likes to cook, and could help you around the house."
"It is the friendship I would miss. She could come and hang out here. We wouldn't do anything more than hold hands or kiss."

And of course..."She would make our marriage better."

I think they've all slip and bumped their heads. Talk about wanting you cake and eat it too. Some of these statements are just plain stupid, excuse me. How could such intelligent people become so ignorant in the course of a day.

Mine also used the privacy thing. Wanted to send her the NC letter and NOT have me read it.

Uh, yeah.

Right.

Wow Throughagrinder....these are exceptionally horrible!! So sorry to hear that these things were said to you. Have you started a thread with your story? Lots of awesome people here on MB to help you through this.

Mindshare

Thanks mindshare!

Actually, after I picked my jaw off the floor, I found the things he said ridiculously funny.

I have been reading here for quite awhile. Have been in Plan B since Christmas. Everything ok so far.

I want to give you a bit of background to the statement I want to present to y'all.

We know a guy (let's call him Mr. Arrogant) who cheated on his first wife after 20 years, got caught and divorced; married his OW and stayed married to her for about 15 years until SHE caught him cheating again and divorced him.

So...my H and I are out at the local bar, just waiting to meet some friends. While we are there, a beautiful, but extremely drunk woman came in. She was so drunk that she didn't even noticed that the bartender just gave her soda instead of a whiskey and soda. Anyway, she was from out of town, but was there looking for Mr. Arrogant to find out why he wouldn't answer her calls and why she hadn't seen him in a while. After all, they had "been together" for five whole years! In her ramblings, she mentioned the name of her cousin who lived in our town. The female bartender knew the cousin, so she called the cousin and asked her to come get her drunk relative.

Not knowing about the bartender calling the cousin, my H called Mr. Arrogant and told him that his GF was at the bar and too drunk to drive.

Mr. Arrogant did come to the bar, but refused to sit with her, and they had a bit of an argument. Then, the cousin showed up and managed to get the drunk woman to leave with her.

After they left, Mr. Arrogant sorta snorted and said:

"I've done had two FINE wives, and I don't have to put up with a drunk."

I really, REALLY wanted to tell him off!

I wanted to tell him that if his first wife was so fine, then he screwed up by cheating in the first place, and that if his 2nd wife was such a fine wife, she wouldn't have screwed him while he was still married to the first wife.

I also wanted to tell him that if he thought he was entitled to a THIRD "FINE" wife, the odds of his finding a FINE wife were getting lower and lower, because at his age, most "FINE WIVES" would not settle for less than a "FINE HUSBAND"!

In the days after DDay my FWH asked me, quite seriously, "Why can't I have a W and a GF?" I was dumbfounded. I've learned to say things to him like..."You can do anything you want once we're Divorced..."

or when he was writing the first NC letter (the one I'm sure he called or emailed later and recanted) and said he was thinking about how she would probably cry when she read it... Uggghhhh.

Or in a very angry moment I read off the laundry list of ways he had lied, cheated, and stole money from me when he came back with the retort, "Well at least I don't beat you..." So true, and what a fine catch you would be. Perhaps we should start a new dating service www.atleastIdontbeatyou.com

OK, so that was...what...5, 6 years ago? I have forgotten. Things are MUCH better now. When I have told him about these things he said to me, he is sad and ashamed he said them.

Yes, WTF is your problem, TB? I mean, seriously, can't you be adult about this and let your WW pursue her happiness?
I loved it in that movie "A Serious Man" where the two cheaters gang up on the husband and try to shem him for not being "adult" about his wif'es continual cheating.

This is good. My H befriending the neighbor woman and me telling him that given he already had one A it was not a good idea to spend time at neighbor woman\s house fixing her computer.
H replied: you give me nervous twitches, I can't have any friends! This is really too much..

Later on I found out that at the time he told me the above he was already having a PA with her....the nerve!
blessing

I just thought of another crazy thing my H said.

He had been checking (and periodically erasing) our computer's history. After I found out about OW and he told me he wanted a separation, he said that HE thought I was having an affair because he saw on the computer (weeks earlier) where I had been looking at houses on-line in TX (a hobby of mine) and had been looking at wedding rings (I had been looking at jewelry, another hobby). He said he was sure I was going to run off and marry someone else and buy a house with them in TX, so he assumed the marriage was over (although he never bothered to mention it before then)!!!

I just thought of a couple more classics from WW...

When discussing NC with OM, she says "If I want to call him or send him an e-mail, I don't see what the big deal is. Its not my fault you are too insecure to handle that"

When asked why she ran off and had an affair without ever once discussing our "marital problems" She says "You are so clueless that sometimes it takes something major like this for you to realize there is a problem."

Unreal... On a positive note for me, we have agreed in terms to the final D agreement. My lawyer should have it ready for signature tomorrow. I get the house, custody of the kids, and she will pay me child support and I get to move on with my life, minus WW!! Not a bad deal all things considered...

When WH told me he wanted to stay married AND continue on with his A he said, "I think I can still be a good husband and father. I pride myself on that."


When he told me that I hadn't loved him for years so he didn't think he was violating anything in our marriage I told him it was his responsibility to tell me if he felt un-loved or unhappy in our marriage. His response:

"I was afraid if I told you that you didn't love me anymore you'd say 'yes, that's right" and you'd leave me and take my children away from me." (well, now, he's the one leaving and moving 4 states away with narry a thought on how this might affect those precious children of his)

I also heard a line that's already been mentioned here ... "If you really loved me you'd want me to be happy."

Oh, and one more ... On D-Day when I confronted him about the OW he admitted the A right away and then got all swoony just thinking about her and said to me, "She's just wonderful!!!"
I literally put up my hand like a stop sign and said, "Don't say another word about her. I don't care about her and I sure don't care why you think she's wonderful."

He actually seemed hurt that I didn't want to hear about her glowing qualities. BLECH!

Excellent deal, ed. Way to go.

WH told me that he has come far since last year he used to talk to her "ALL" day everyday he's at work, "now it's only a couple times a week".

WH also told me that he didn't do anything physical with OW because they "respected marriage"

Does this count? After giving me the standard waybabble line, "It's not about OM --it's never been about OM-- it's always been about us," she's virtually announced her engagement to the guy via Facebook.

We can't finalize the divorce for another three months, yet.

Just before leaving on a two month trip with OM

"Perhaps a relationship with OM is what I want, but maybe you are what I need, perhaps I just need to indulge myself, you never know what the future holds, maybe we will get back together. I am just a little confused right now and need time to figure this out".

Translation please?

"I want you to stay right where you are while I take my sweet time deciding which of you I want. And don't get mad! Just give me time!"

ME: What about our wedding vows?

WW: Well, I changed my mind.

Well, there you have it. The capstone of this thread.

I think "Well, I changed my mind AND DID NOT TELL YOU ABOUT IT" IS EVEN MORE OF THE CAPSTONE.

Real new here, but already have a couple:

The night of exposure and calling the OM (when he agreed to end it and apparently did) - "I was working on it (ending it). I wanted to do it on my own terms for closure."

Immediately followed by: "The way you did it, I will miss him even more." Huh? That's precisely why her way wouldn't have worked in the first place.

Another jewel from that night, upon finding her going over our finances - "What are you doing?", I ask. "Finding a way we can afford for you (schtoop) to move out." Again huh? I'm not going anywhere.

And do you future WW vow to forsake all others forever or until thou changes thy mind?

Said YESTERDAY, after me finding out there was much more to false recovery than first revealed, "Promising to be open and honest was never part of our marriage vows".

AM

WHAT da'hail ?????

AGAIN ????

Is he brain-damaged or sompin' ???

A great answer to virtually any commitment:

Mortgage payments giving you the blues... "I changed my mind."
Tired of those nasty student loans... "I changed my mind."
Car payments got you down... "I changed my mind."

My H just last night told me that he was entitled to his privacy and that I had no business being snoopy in his stuff (after I looked through the papers in his truck console clipboard thingie in a search for MY debit card).

He said, "My stuff is none of your business."

I said, "It most certainly is!"

He said, "I don't mess around in your stuff."

Me: "I don't care if you do, as long as you don't tear it up."

Him: "I have a right to my privacy."

Me: "He who has nothing to hide, hides nothing. But, you do have a right to use the bathroom by yourself."

Him (looking confused): "What's using the bathroom got to do with your snooping?"

Me: "Look, I do not care if you look through my stuff, but I will look through your stuff whenever I want. That is a non-negotiable, forever thing that is a result of your screwing around all those years ago. Keep your nose clean, and you have nothing to worry about!"


No, I don't think he's got another OW. I think he's afraid I'll find his stash of money that he claims to not have.

Wow with all these crazy statements, I'm wondering. ARE WE ALL MARRIED TO THE SAME PERSON???

That's the point of this thread 26, we need to see that they ARE reading from the same BAD BAD SCRIPT. Nothing new. Some players have changed but the lines are still the same.

Hey, how do you do the signature stuff at the bottom of your post

t/j You go to my stuff-edit profile-scroll to the bottom-write your stuff-save and VOILA you got it Charlie.

Click on "My Stuff" and then select "My Profile"...there is a box at the bottom to add a signature.

Thanks blackraven

Oh yeah... when WW was planning on moving out and getting her own place she said this gem:

"We can still be the best of friends. I was thinking that you could come over and help arrange the furniture and hang pictures on the walls for me."

Huh? I'd rather be rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic!!! Wayturds....

Having the love of your life leave you and say you can still be friends, is like having your dog die, and your mum say you can still play with it

"If BIL had love your sis the way Christ had loved the church, then she wouldn't have had her A. If he had done that, then there would have been NO WAY she would have done that..."

told to me by mom, a 3 time adulteress, who's last A ended 22 years ago. She told me this 7 days after I caught H and OW together (yes, while my H's affair was ongoing....).


"I'm sorry that I ripped OM out of your life. I took you around him, then when you discovered us, I just took you away from him and gave you no closure.....I am so sorry for that..."

Mom apologizing for her affair in which she had brought me and sis around (at ages 12 and 9). This apology took place in Dec. 09. Affair was over 23 yrs prior.....my response...

"Closure is over-rated. The fact of the matter is that you shouldn't have allowed us to develop these feeling to begin with. You shouldn't have let our young minds put Dad in a bad light...."

and you wonder just how long the fog can last.....

My H is an unconfirmed WW (I'm still in the process of setting up more snooping); however, I believe that this qualifies:

Here is a text message exchange I discovered via snooping:



When I confronted him about it, the focus was my snooping (How dare you look through my messages!) and his explanation was that she was the girlfriend of a friend / co-worker and she just likes to play around "like that."

OMG...I forgot to add that he also said

"Text messages are just words. There are no emotions behind them unless I am text messaging you or our child."

In response to me noting an uptick in text messages between him and a long time female friend.

Yeah my WH said something similar. He said that the kids would adjust to a divorce and that our marriage has nothing to do with them. He also said that if he didn't want me that doesn't mean he wouldn't want the kids. huh??? How was that supposed to work considering I had MOVED to california with our kids to be with him for his new job and left my whole family in IOWA! If he divorced me I would move back to Iowa with the kids! So how could he have them? Another nice one was how he knew what my bad character was when he laid down and reproduced with me and now he's bound to me for life because of his bad choices. He also told me he wouldn't leave for the OW or anyone else but rather for himself. WOW.

I've been told some hurtful ones but I'd rather not re-live them. As far as general craziness though, my WW said this:

"OM has absolutely nothing to do with our marriage problems."

Mine said that too! It happened to be the day after exWW had him listen in on phone counseling session between her and the marriage counselor.

A few of mine:

"I can't stand the fact I keeping hurting you. The only way I know to stop hurting you is to divorce"

"I can't stand to be around you because you smell like my dad (who abused her)"

"Our marriage will never work because your family resents what I have done"

"The OM is a lot like you. You would really like each other"

"I only married you so that I would no longer be a burden on my family"

and many, many more....

I've gotten that one a bunch too. So I reply, "then stop contacting him and lets work on our marital problems." To which she has no answer.

My H said to me and our marriage counselor, "It really didn't have anything to do with our marriage. I didn't do it at home. I did it at work."

HUH??????????

I got that one... "OW has nothing to do with me wanting to leave you. I have for a long time."

Ok, then why are you afraid my lawyers will supena all of your emails and stuff? Hrm....? Why did you start ignoring me right after the A started and not before, hrm? Yeah. BS.

More.. "I only married you for security." Huh? He was in college finishing masters, I was just out of college in an ok but certainly not high-paying job.

My fav: "I never loved you." What the F ever. Fog, fog, fog.

oh, one more I remembered while reading another topic.

"I just wanted a friend."

Whaaa? I told WH he could have friends but he chose the wrong way for friendship! Then again, he's tried to tell me repeatedly they're just friends (who call/email/chat constantly?!?!). Stupid is NOT one of the tattoos I have.

I have a great one to add here:

"I'm so angry at you for snooping into that private email account. I didn't want you knowing what was in there because I didn't want our relationship to be scarred any further in case of reconciliation."

Uh.....how about a) the fact that you were lying to me, THAT'S why you didn't want me getting in, and b) the relationship is much MORE scarred by the lies?

Another good one:

"I feel so sorry for you for the lot you've been given in life." Like he wasn't a part of hurting me, it was just my lot in life??? Gosh!

Wait no....this one is even better....WH to me: "You're giving me an ulcer by all the problems you're causing!"

Just for the record, I've heard Skatt shovel this on SEVERAL occasions.

And I cannot forget this little gem:

"I gave up on the M before I got involved with OM."

Oh really? Funny, I never got that "I'm giving up on the M" memo......

TB

My ww said

"I'm getting my strength to leave you from him"


This one is just for fun from the opening mediation scene in Wedding Crashers

(in rage) "You shut your mouth when you're talking to me!" Cracks me up everytime I say it.

I often find myself saying to my kids, "Don't chew with your mouth full." DUH, I think I meant TALK. HAHAHAHAHA

Yeppers, "OW has NOTHING to do with OUR problems, that is between you and ME." and POSOW. tehheee

And POSOW isn't a part of the problem? Uh hello! I got something along those lines too..

"She makes me feel alive".

OMG .... lol i busted up laughing at this my XH told me that i caused his diverticulitis and subsequent surgery....lol... couldn't be the stress of his affair doing it to him....

"If you knew him (OM), you would realize he does many wonderful things for other families."

"Why would you tell their (OMs) wives and go an create problems in their marriages? They don't deserve this."

Haha, I love this thread!!

WW: This is the one time in my life that I want to do something for myself, why can't you just let me go?

Uhhh, really?

She denies saying that now...

"I would not let you give me oral sex because I was with the OM about 10 minutes prior."

"My emotional needs not being met in our marriage were attention and affection. You need to stop suffocating me."

"You do with your affair partners in bed what you are afraid to do with your husband."

"The first marriage is for love, the second sex and the third for money."

"I want to recommit and work on the marriage but I need 3 months to date other men."

"I wish you could stop being so nice and understanding and just be an total a-s-s-h-o-l-e."

My WH said something along those lines also...but my WH also added that he thought I knew it was over and that he had moved on...

Uhhhh, Yea...is that why he felt the need to lie to me about goin out with work friends, why didnt he just say "yeah I am goin out to screw my mistriess tonite"...I mean if I already knew I wouldnt have had a problem with that, right?

"OM has absolutely nothing to do with our marriage problems."

Oh yeah, I got this little gem as well except for me it was OMs - multiple.

After discovering husbands 3 month long A I got this: "I really did spend more time trying to back out of this than I did being in it".

and...

"Of course I feel sorry for her, I feel sorry for the mess she made of her marriage and what she put her family through"

HUH???? What about what YOU did to me and our family?

Oh yes, I have another gem....

"I am looking for the silver lining in this and don't regret this affair, because it got us to talk. We would never have been here otherwise."

And all the while the A continued.....sigh.......wayturds!

When I called OW and confronted her...WH said to me "Stop harrassing her, she doesnt need this, she has a son to take care of."


Yeah, okay and what are me and DS? Chopped liver, I guess. How about I will stop harrassing her if she stops having an AFFAIR with my husband! Like I need this?

After months and months of lies, denials, sugar-coating, scapegoating, etc., etc, WW said the following when I literally caught her red-handed, much to her surprise, driving up to her married-OM's POS shack (complete with Jerry Springer-like jalopy in the yard) during the day:

"I'm just house-sitting and kid-watching for a friend who's out-of-town"

Im sorry SDCW, its actually sad, what they say...but God do they think we are stupid? Its just so ridiculous that its funny.

Here's another pearl of deceitful self-delusion that came from xWW (indirectly via her scuzzbag attorney to my attorney about ME):

" SDCW has a screw loose--my client is tired of him thinking she was some sort of s**t! "

Hmmm...
WW was sleeping with 2 men at the same time...
One of them was HER HUSBAND...
One of them was ANOTHER WOMAN'S HUSBAND...
In front of OM's kids...
Neither betrayed-spouse has ever been told the truth...

Call it whatever you see fit, Counselor....

Well gee, until the world sees it, she's not a s**t.

Didn't you know that? /sarcasm

I've gotten a lot of comedy gems, but I guess my two favorites have been the random complaint about not liking the paint colors in the kitchen ( drives a grown man into the arms of another woman. Who knew?), and then asking me to write the OW, call the other woman, and tell her that I had been lying about being married to him.

He didn't want her to hate him.

Um yeah. I 'll get right on that buddy. You stand there and hold your breath, while I, uh, paint the kitchen white?

Oh thank you , I havent had too many moments of laughter lately, Im still realing in shock from discovering my hubby being with women AND men ..while pregnant. I feel like I am in the freaking twighlight zone, but you just gave me a REALY good chuckle. THANKS!!

THere are other posts of this sort too.

VETS! Could you try and bump the other boards of this nature up, if they still exist?

I found the email, called him at work and he says "your taking it out of context".....now how does the words I LOVE YOU, and sorry I made a pass at you, constatute out of context. Is there any other way to read that...tsk tsk.....MORON

You could ask him what context it was in, just to see what he says...

These are the threads I have bookmarked KR. Are these what you are looking for? Teeheee

Fog Gibberish

Dorkisms

This one isn't funny but it is along the same lines.

Inside the wayward mind

Just for YOU KR.

Aww, thanks, Scot, I was really just trying to get them for navewife; since she seemed to need some amusement.

But I'll laugh at them too...

OK I have two.

The first one is from me trying to justify seeing OM during my EA. "No really I have known him so long he's like my brother."

The second is my H trying to justify his PA. We had been apart for several months and thats when the A happened, I found an email of him telling someone else he wanted to cheat on me one last time before we were together again. When I asked him why he couldnt wait another week for me to get there he said " well its been a long time since I had SF, I thought if I got rid of some of the tension then I would last longer and the SF would be better for you when you got here."

hey I got one, when I found out about my husbands affair from the OW's husband....
Hubby said to me that it was all my fault that the word of his affair was out, if I hadn't talked to him no one would have known.........
Is he kidding, the OW's husband was yelling the news from the roof tops......
but somehow it was my fault he had an affair and everyone now knew of it....
Almost funny isn't it......
Like he almost believed it didn't happen the way the story read......Lala land....

"I don't lie to you all the time"

Oh, I just remember one that my FWH said... if you wouldn't ask, I wouldn't have to lie.

After a heart felt message I read to XH when we met with MC about why we should work on our M...

XH says "It doesn't matter we were M more than 20 years. There are M's over 30 years that break up and it is not such a big deal."

Even the MC looked at him like he was crazy.

Hope, my husband said that too!!!!! OMG this is ridiculous....Do they have a handbook or something.... Except at the time it was over 15 years for us.

err, yes

really?

I really am starting to believe they do!!!!! It just seems every one of them says a bunch of the same things! It's crazy!!!

That's why these threads are GREAT. It let's you see proof that all A's are the same. All wayturds are the same. They all belong to one alien race and they share the same brain.

There actually is a handbook of sorts. I can't remember who posted it, but it was like an instruction manual written tongue in cheek for waywards to use on how to destroy their marriage and family. Funny and very sad at the same time.

Oh wait, it was called how to have a mid-life crisis or something. It was actually a good read.

I would seriously love to read that, since I've accused my WH of being in a midlife crisis. His response, "At 30?!?" I told him yeah, if the shoe fits.....

Yeah, if the shoe fits, then he can take it and shove it up his ....Oh sorry was thinkin about my WH for a sec, got a little carried away.

Well, maybe not HIS , probably HERS though....

Yes hers would be fine too.

Was just reading thru the archives (some VERY good stuff bsack there, and stumbled over this one from a poster called togetheralone.

Thanx for posting that Lil. It was a heavy read but very well worth it.

Great, great analysis.....

A must read!

TBC

Wow - that's just awesome. Glad you brought this up lil'


How often do we see a wayward come here trying to convince us they're not really a bad person... because to admit that to themselves, to admit that they violated their own values so completely is painful.

Wow...

I am a total newbie here, but I really wanted to add a few of my gems:

From FWH after catching him in yet another lie: "It's like you don't trust me...."

I have no idea what POSOW stands for. But from OW when I confronted her and told her I would expose to her H: "My h didn't do anything wrong and I can't believe that you would hurt an innocent person who never did anything to you!" Ummm, hello idiot, like you didn't by having an A with my H!!

And my FWH had a foursome with his OW and her BF/BFH. Well my FWH also started having an A with OWBF after that little "party". The BFH's then caught them in the act, which is how I found out about everything. So BFH's calls me to tell me:
Him-"I caught your H with my w in the act.
Me-"How does he even know you?"
Him-"Well, we kind of had a foursome with your H and the OW. I hate your H and want to kill him"
Me-"Why didn't you call me and tell me all this after the foursome?"
Him-"well, I didn't want to hurt you"
Me-"So let me get this straight. You participated in a foursome with my H and thought that I didn't really need to know then and that somehow it was ok. But you are now telling me because my H apparently crossed a line and went after your W alone".
Him-"Yeah, but you know, I thought thought the foursome would be fine". WHAT??!!

Great post, lil. Long, but worth the time it takes to read it!

Lildog, insightful post. Wondering when war of the worlds will collide?

Yes, thank you Lildog. Your post shows what the WS will END up with when the A loses his emotional grip and the fantasy starts to fade..but when it is still to hard to swallow the pride:
--life with a OP who by now WS realizes is much inferior to BS
--constant regret and guilty feeling which get transformed into anger. They become angry and resentful people.
--low life attitude
--loss of self esteem and depression

blessing

txn -- It stands for piece of s.... OW.

WS lose their sense of smell...

What was the expression "you don't eat where you ????"

Great post it makes a lot of sense.

Thanks Karma! I always wondered what that stood for!

Ok... I was recently (and unfortunately) reminded of this little gem...

At one point my WW told me that she thought that after I got a girlfriend and got it out of my system that we would get back together... Seriously...she said it. She figured I just needed to have an RA and all would be right in the world.

Even typing this out now I still have a hard time believing that she even said it. Crazy wayturds.....

Had to post this from last night. WW and I conversing on the phone about integrity and some folks that are cheating in her nurses course (she's class pres and had issues with this) In any case, she tells me she's graduating end of July and expects me to be there. I say if OM will be there absolutely not. Her response..."As my husband and biggest supporter, you need to suck it up and be there". I said "I fail to understand how you consider me to be your husband other than legally. Can you explain?" HAH. We haven't been living together for nearly 2 years and she's on OM #3.

Why are you still married to her then? File that D and get it over with. Sorry I dont know your story just what you wrote on this thread.

I think he is in Plan B, according to his siggy...

Hi SR. I've read your story and am happy for you and wheels recovery. Actually I am in plan D and working a terrible plan b. WW and her atty seem to be slow rolling everything. I was fooled by one false recovery after I initially filed and am pushing plan d as long as she's with OM. Based on her words I mentioned she really has no clue as to how her actions affect other people, especially our kids. Nor does she have any empathy. Strange how WS become people that just don't seem to care. She is not the person I once new. At times it seems she's really remorseful but it always ens up the same. No change and I can't tell if it's true remorse and confusion or just a ploy. Seems she won't take the time to do what you did even though your words in your original post smack of familiarity to me.

OH! I'm really sorry about that

A thread turned up on another board I read. It was a WW looking for sympathy - I posted it in another topic because there's a lot to be learned from it. However, one of the things she says in one of her responses to others who've called her out on her cheating was this:

"I have NEVER EVER EVER and I will say EVER cheated on Jeff before this or with any other BF."

Like the first one doesn't count?

Ohhh....

I got a good one just last night. Talking to WW about her destructive lifestyle and how I worry for the kids (its a long story). She's talking about how its her life now (we are getting a D) and I should stop snooping and trailing her.

For more background, we haven't had SF in about two years.

Then she pops up with this beauty...

"I'll always believe that you (schtoop) were messing around, too. My friends say there's no way you could go two years without getting it somewhere."

I am dumbfounded (I shouldn't be, heard enough fogbabble to know anything is possible), but I am able to respond with:

"So now you and your friends have to MAKE UP transgressions for me in order to justify YOUR actions?"

I shook my head and ended the conversation.

schtoop-very TYPICAL to hear a wayward say this line. I got that one too. Funny thing is, WH and I didn't stop SF until a week AFTER the ILYBNILWY speech. I didn't know that the SF was lacking. Apparently, I was WRONG.

Bump for the current crop of newbies.

I need to work back up my site for these...maybe start a new blog for OM/OW sayings.

Thanks for bumping it mindshare. I posted on a newbie's post that I was hoping a vet could point her to this post so she can see that her WH is just like every other WS. I wanted to find it too because I want to be prepared for when I get my evidence of an affair. I have some things but not a bomb that he can't explain away.

I've got another one for everyone. My H told me that he loved me as a person and as a friend. He also told me if he loved me like he was suppose to then he never would have done what he had done. Yeah, right! Fog babble again.

Here is the latest from my WH.
I asked why he would not let me hold his ipod when he was showing me pictures of the kids. At this point I packed up the kids. Later he told me that he did not want me to see pictures of OW. WH husband then preceded to tell me that OW put up some new pictures of herself on facebook and they are so cute that he put them on his ipod. Gag.

Oh, isn't that just too darned precious?

Wow, I had to just laugh at some of those! I can't believe what they say!!

Sad part is 90% is true ..... here is the post of Mid-life Crisis someone was asking about earlier on this thread.


MIDLIFE for Dummies

Welcome to the wonderful world of Mid Life Crisis!! You are about to embark on one of the most perilous journey's you have ever taken. A journey fraught with intrigue and guaranteed to turn you inside out! This book is designed to help you make sure you get the most emotional bang for your buck. In these pages are the "how to" answers to the questions you have been asking yourself about damaging as many people as you can along the way. Come on and dig in, it's time to get this Roller coaster rolling on down the tracks!!

Chapter 1
Choosing the correct speech

There are 4 basic speeches for you to choose from. They are:

a) I love you but I don't know if I'm in love with you.

b) I've never loved you, and we should never have gotten married.

c) We got married to young. I never knew anything besides you.

d) You tricked me into marrying you, I would never have done it otherwise.

Once you have decided on which speech to give, you need to cause as much anxiety in your spouse as you can before you actually give it. Continue to the next chapter for Lessons in building anxiety.

Chapter 2
Lessons in building anxiety

You will find these lessons to be helpful in causing anxiety in your spouse and others (depending on the level of pain and damage you want to cause), not just prior to giving the speech, but throughout your MLC.

Lesson 1
Monstrification of your Spouse

This is easy to accomplish. Simply think of only the "bad" things that your spouse has done throughout your entire relationship. Have one of those "angel" spouses? No problem, just remember how bad she always makes you feel. DO NOT under any circumstances remember fondly your spouse, or anything they have done for you. Remember, they are going to be the cause of all of your problems, so it is imperative that you convince your self of this first.

Lesson 2
Emotional Detachment

This will be very easy to do after accomplishing lesson 1. All you have to do is start reminding yourself that you don't care about them, what they feel, what they want, or if they hurt. Simple! Every time you remind yourself of this, you will get further and further away from your relationship emotionally. Now, that wasn't too hard was it? On to lesson 3

Lesson 3
Mass confusion and Indecision

This lesson requires a little more thought and attention. You must constantly practice saying "I don't know" to ANY and ALL questions. That is imperative!! Your spouse (and others) must never know precisely what is going on in-side your head. Also, never let them know where you are going, where you have been, who you were with (this will go hand in hand with the lesson on the Other Person, or OP), or whether or not they can expect you to return home.

Lesson 4
Lies and Deceit

To get the most damage, and cause the most pain, you must lie and deceive at every opportunity. And to really achieve hall of fame status, you should be very inept at it, so that everyone knows that you are lying, or suspects, but can't prove it initially. This works very well for the following chapters, OP and Cake Eating.

Chapter 3
The Other Person (or OP)

Now it is time for you to succumb to temptation. You KNOW all of those other women/men want you! They have been coming on to you for years!! It is time for you to give them their chance at having some of you. Make sure that you leave a very confusing trail for your spouse to follow. One that lets them suspect, but have to dig and sneak (to make them feel worse about themselves) to find the information they need to prove it. Hold out admitting the affair as long as you can, and don't admit it ever, if you can get away with it.

Chapter 4
Cake Eating

This chapter is designed to string your spouse along in uncertainty as long as possible, because as long as they have hope, they won't be able to go out and find their own lives and be fulfilled. Why should they get to do that, while you are so miserable? They shouldn't!! So, make sure that you are affectionate occasionally (not too often, as this will raise anxiety levels), that you drag your feet about making a decision on the marriage, and that you leave and come back several times (as many as you can get away with).

Chapter 5
History Revision

It is very important that you revise the life you have lead with your spouse. You must use words like: Always, Ever, Never and All of the Time. Always precede the statement with the terms: you, I, and we. As in "you always nag me" "I never ever (double bonus here) get to do what I want" and "We have to do what you want all of the time". This will help to make your spouse feel like the way you are behaving is all their fault, and can cause them to feel even worse about themselves than they already did!!

Chapter 6
It's all about you!!

Remember this is all about you! What you want and need, RIGHT NOW! You shouldn't have to wait until you can afford something, just go on out and get it! You deserve a new haircut, new clothes, and some new toys. You've worked for it. You would probably look great in that new Convertible, or on that new Harley!! So don't hesitate! You live in the here and now! So why wait until tomorrow!!

Remember, the word is CRISIS and if you are in one, EVERYONE else should have to ride the Roller coaster with you! It's no fun taking a ride alone, and you know what they say about misery loving company! Go on out there and get started, so much pain and damage, and so little time!

Chapter 7
Avoid, Ignore, and Run Away

This chapter is to help you deal with the problems that your spouse will try to cause. We don't want you to have to "deal" with anything, now do we? You shouldn't have to "think" about any "issues" right now, except those that concern you "feeling good". The best way to handle this, is to Avoid, Ignore, and Run Away. Any time someone tries to make you see a more "reasonable" stance on a subject, simply Avoid making a reply...stare out into space, as if you are thinking about something important, and they will become uncomfortable and leave you alone. If there are responsibilities that need your attention, simply ignore them. You don't have to do anything you don't feel like doing. And the best for last is Run Away! This can be accomplished in many different ways. OP's can help you Run Away from all of these "problems" as well as Alcohol, Drugs, New Sports Cars....etc the list is endless. Of course, you can always just leave...but remember not to let them know where you are going, and if you'll be back!!

Chapter 8
MC and Therapists:

Your spouse may ask you to go to counseling with her/him. This is only useful to make them feel better. It cannot possibly have anything to you so there is no reason for you to follow-up with anything suggested--it doesn't matter to you. The only thing you should look for is more reasons (excuses) for avoiding, running and ignoring (see previous chapter).

Chapter 9
I Don't have to if I Don't Want to and You Can't Make Me!

Remember that this is about YOU, and what YOU want and how YOU feel!! No one else is important, so don't let them make you feel as if you have to listen to anything they say. Your spouse will try to help you of course, because they love you. Don't let them get away with giving you unwanted advice. Let them know in the teenage vernacular, that they can't make you do anything. This is important, you must be as childish as possible!! Any truly adult behavior on your part will only convince them that you are listening to what they are saying, and you will have to start back at the beginning. Of course, this technique can be used knowingly to cause more confusion and chaos, just beware of the danger, you don't actually want to start acting like an adult!!


Chapter 10
"How to threaten" and/or "How do move out".

You threaten to move out for weeks or months but you don't. (*)You tell your spouse that you got too much on your plate right now to look for a flat but that you will do so in 2 weeks time. After 2 weeks, repeat from (*).

If your wife wants to come too close to you, like entering your bedroom to talk to you, tell her to stay away or you will move out. When she replies that you will move out anyway tell her that you will move out faster if she comes any closer

Chapter 11
Art of Clinging

The Art of Clinging to the End of the Mattress without falling off the matrimonial bed while still sharing it with your spouse.


Chapter 12
Advanced lessons

This is usually reserved for those in more difficult situations, where the LBS has responded not by tossing you out, threatening to leave, or filing for divorce, but instead persists in not only OFFERING to cooperate, but actually MAKING THE CHANGES you said you needed.

"I am tired of living like this/I don't want to live like this anymore/I am not going to live my life like this?" often is coupled with another advanced tactic, "It's not you, it's me".

This line is most effective AFTER the LBS has jumped through hoops and bent over backwards. It basically confirms that no matter what changes the LBS is willing to make, the incompatibility lies within the Ulcer, who has no intention of, or implied desire or ability to, compromise.

Appendix

HOW TO MAKE YOUR SPOUSE THINK SHE IS CRAZY

1. When confronted by the evidence of an EA or PA, become very indignant. Stress that the LBS is obviously just a jealous sob/bi*ch, and you are entitled to "buddies" of the opposite sex.

2. Never, ever answer the question, "Are you okay? Is there something wrong?" with a direct answer that might actually lead to a discussion that might help the marriage. Continue to never talk to spouse, never give her/him a personal compliment or touch of affection and by all means work on the "cling to the edge of the mattress to avoid touching" maneuver that is so successful in making your spouse crazy.

3. Always bear in mind that your spouse will expect you to want to at least give them the chance to "fix" the marriage. Since you have already checked out emotionally (of course NEVER tell them that!), you are under no obligation to actually listen to anything they say or acknowledge anything they do. This tactic is also extremely beneficial when they employ the MLC diet. When they lose a massive amount of weight and you are in ear shot of someone who mentions to spouse about the weight loss, say "Are you losing weight? Why don't you ever tell me things?"

4. Of course one of the most successful ways to drive them crazy may only be used when you have earned the MLC Black Belt. Go to marriage counseling for months, let them pour out their soul to you and the counselor and let them believe they are actually accomplishing something. Then arrange things so the spouse finds you in your own home with OP. This will accomplish two things: a. She will finally have to understand how lucky you are to have found your "soul mate" and b. She will be doubly betrayed because she thought you were actually working on the marriage.



DON'T LET YOUR SPOUSE GET TOO INDEPENDENT - STATEGIES FOR SUCKING YOUR SPOUSE BACK IN

1. Make negative comments about OP or the chances that the relationship with OP will succeed. HOWEVER, under no circumstances, make any commitment to end the relationship with OP.

2. Make veiled hints about suicide or excessive drinking or drug use. Be erratic and hard to contact.

3. Do random acts of kindness such as yard work or something. That will keep your spouse confused and hopeful.

4. Make vague comments hinting that things might work out between you and your spouse IN THE FUTURE. HOWEVER, under no circumstances take any actions to work anything out.

CUSTODY
Using the kids to your advantage.

If you have children, they can be extremely useful for inducing fear and panic in your spouse. Recommended phrases include, "You're poisoning my kids against me", "You put that idea into their heads", and "You need to do [insert pertinent action here] for the sake of the kids'." Remember, your spouse, being a responsible and loving person, is not only trying to cope with his/her own feelings, but trying to protect the children, and you can use that to your advantage.

Don't forget to use the fact that if you spend any time with your kids, you should get Extra Credit Bonus Good Parent points from your spouse. It doesn't matter if you feed them ice cream for breakfast and have them watch "Hellboy" when they asked for "Veggie Tales", you Just Wanted To Make Them Happy, and since YOU are the best judge of Happiness, that makes you Super Parent. You can use this opportunity to trash talk your spouse ("Isn't this more fun than what Mommy/Daddy would let you do?" "Mom/Dad doesn't know how to relax.") which of course, will be repeated back to your spouse so you get the benefit of destroying their self-esteem second hand.

Highly advanced MLCers may want to start casually using the word Custody, but be very, very careful. While useful for sending your spouse into a state of panic, you certainly do not want to be responsible for a bunch of kids who will seriously cut into your personal fun time. The word Custody should only be used in a casual tone of voice for the most devastating effect.

BUTTON PUSHING

You (the mlcer) know a lot about your spouse. You know what pushes their buttons to get them both upset and/or happy. You have the power, you can do it! So using the kids to upset them is fair game (see section on how to use "custody" to upset them but not take on the "custody"). And if that ever stops working, find something else. Suggestions might include pets, valuables in the home, their appearance, family, career. Nothing is out of your reach since you have put in so many years getting to know your spouse--use what you know.

THE BLAME GAME

By now, you should be aware that all of this MUST be your spouses fault, however, your spouse may not understand this completely yet, so you need to start planting the seeds.

There are several ingenious ways to put the blame on your spouse, and we will be exploring them all.

Method 1: The Non-Blame Statement

I'm trying not to blame YOU

This statement implies that you are "not putting the blame on them" but on closer look (which your spouse is guaranteed to be doing) The words actually put all of the blame on the spouse (where of course we know it belongs).

Method 2: The Passive Blame Statement

I don't think that I can live with you.
My opinion never mattered to you.
I cant' live like this.
We rarely have fun anymore.
I don't want to live this way anymore.
(There are many more I'm sure you can think of)



These are passive statements that don't actually assign blame to your spouse, but your spouse will definitely get the idea if you use them. They can't help but see that it MUST be them that makes you feel this way.

Method 3: The Direct Blame Statement

You never listen to me.
You never put creases in my pants.
You use bagged salad.
You never keep the house clean.
You are going to do it your way.

All of these are direct statements of blame. You should mix actual faults with things that don't really matter to make it more confusing, and make your spouse feel as bad as possible about themselves.

Your spouse has probably already started doing the hard work to look inside his/herself (Yuck, what an awful thought!) and will take on all of the faults you list to try and correct them. This will keep them occupied for awhile, and you can avoid any serious relationship talks while they apologize for and try to fix all of their own faults. Make sure that you don't actually accept the apology, that way you can continue to bring the fault up which will slow down their self improvement process. Remember, they are working on becoming better human beings, and you wouldn't want that to happen to fast, as that would interfere with your ability to string them along.

Note: NEVER ACTUALLY ADMIT TO ANY FAULTS OF YOUR OWN!!!! REMEMBER, YOU DON'T HAVE ANY! YOU ARE THE GOOD ONE, AND HAD THE RIGHT TO HAVE AN AFFAIR, LIE, SPEND MONEY, OR ANY OTHER THING, BECAUSE THEY ARE THE ONES THAT ARE BAD!!!

let's not forget "We're just incompatible - we always were."

Also, when the LBS starts to make changes, make SURE you find fault with these changes, or point out how it's "too little, too late", or wasn't what you meant AT ALL. If all else fails, put the LBS down for being so willing to change herself for your needs. Also, when the LBS starts to make changes, make SURE you find fault with these changes, or point out how it's "too little, too late", or wasn't what you meant AT ALL."


How to keep you spouse guessing...be mean one minute threatening divorce, etc then next day be kind and sweet almost the way your spouse remembers you..rinse repeat....


HOW TO CONTINUE THE CRAZINESS ONCE SEPARATION/DIVORCE IS AGREED UPON

1. Even though by now you, dear MLCer, have done everything human possibly to convince your spouse that you do not love him/her and want out, when the time comes to actually file, DON"T DO IT! This is the coup de gras of MLC. Absolutely DO NOT TAKE THE INITIATIVE. This is a most vital and awesome crazy-maker. Holding out will force your by now totally devastated spouse to finally throw up his/her hands and seek legal counsel.

2. Once the LBS has had enough and decides that divorce is in their best interest, you have won HUGE points here. Refusing to be the one to file now puts YOU in the role of victim, bringing you all the attention and pity necessary to allow you to again regain your image of the abused one in all this. Now you can, with absolutely NO guilt, tell everyone the divorce was your LBS's idea (which of COURSE it was!) and they will assume that: a. the LBS lost all that weight and obviously has been involved in an affair, and b. the marriage ended because your LBS spouse is going through a - YES! THE PINNACLE OF CRAZINESS! - Midlife Crisis!!


The really scary part it is like there is a handbook for the WS to act. I would say 90% of BS on this board would agree they have heard most of this from their WS atsome point & time. I know I did.

"I never wanted to leave you for him. I didn't want to be with him. I didn't see a future with him."


Yeah. Because it should be OK to just sleep with somebody else while you're married....

8th..I think my WH read this wherever you took it from, he followed it by a T.
It was easy for him to detach because he had OW but I think he started the detaching process before he actually decided to have the A, just as you reported...he basically found all the faults in me and continued to repeat to himself :this M will never work...like a mantra
After that he opened himself up to other people and OW appeared in his life so easily....just by being the downstairs neighbor (how convenient)!
Is it possible that this script is followed to a T by WS because they are humans beings or because they are messed up human beings...?
It is so mind boggling that we are told all our life by our priests, rabbis, parents and teachers etc...that we are unique and no one is like us.. ever....yet when it comes to WS they seem to come in cookie cutter format....
HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE!? It defeats all the rules.
Blessing

"We are too very different people."

"We don't even have any common friends."

When I contacted OM under the guise of friendship...
"Get your own F*(&ing friends"

"I've been miserable for XX years."
Really, NOTHING has been good in XX years?
"Correct, NOTHING. EVERYTHING was faked."

"I'm miserable. I can't live like this anymore."
What can I do?
"Nothing"

"We need separation so you can work on yourself and when you are better we can get back together."

"You don't trust me."

"You are too controlling."

"I say 'I Love you' to EVERYONE. It doesn't mean anything."

"We can't even have a conversation."
When I ask things I only get one word answers.
"I have to give you one word answers because if I tell you something about myself you use it against me. We can't even have a conversation."

"You will never change."

and my personal favorite....
"Yes, we were both at the same bar and both stayed at the same hotel on the same night but we didn't see each other. I didn't even know he was there until you told me."

I could go on and on and on....

Yes!!!! My WH old time favorite! Do we really use what they tell us against them?
What about what they use against us...that we didn't even say (or think...)
scary!!!

Blessing

Scary thing is ...... When I read it the 1st time it knocked me for a loop. It was just like HOW DID THEY KNOW !!!! It really brings me down when I read it because H said or did so many of these things. Like I've said before it's like there is a handbook out there what to say when cheating on your spouse.

My question is this... Do they actually believe the things they say? Meaning as far as they can tell it is actually true or do they purposely invent this stuff to feel better about themselves and their actions. Seriously, I'm asking because it may actually allow me to have some sympathy for them if they are somehow in a state of mind where they truly believe this stuff is real.

I truly think they have convinced themselves that it is true...they take little things and blow them up into big things, then they actually brainwash themselves into believing its factual....Its called "the fog"....and as long as they are in there little fantasy world they will continue to believe it...Just like believing the OP is a good person.

I'm having fun with this so here are a few more. This is somewhat therapeutic for me.

"You've never loved me. All you want is sex."

"I've never been anything but a possession to you."

After filing for divorce.
"I don't want to be divorced. Its just the only way we could get separation so you could work on your issues."

About why she didn't wear her wedding ring.
"I know it bothers you and I want to inflict as much pain on you as possible so that you'll change."
"I'll wear them when I feel like I'm in a marriage."

Here's another one...

"I do."

Oh my ..... , My H said the exact same thing to me 1 week ago today.

About why she didn't wear her wedding ring.
"I'll wear them when I feel like I'm in a marriage."

What's really sad is I didn't take this for fog talk. I believed every word of it. Wake up call to myself , he's not even close out of the fog yet.

I think they really do believe their version of it. That's why it's called the fog .... they can't see 2 feet in front of them without tripping on selfishness & entitlement.

Good one...

You guys really got me wondering if this is fog talk ???


"Oh my ..... , My H said the exact same thing to me 1 week ago today.

About why she didn't wear her wedding ring.
"I'll wear them when I feel like I'm in a marriage."

When I used to ask my H why he didnt wear his wedding ring...he said:

"When I am at work I am 20 and single."....I am an idiot for thinking he was only kidding!!!!!!!

I believe it to be in my case. My WW had been using it for almost a year. She stopped about a month ago because I think her IC told her to wear her ring to avoid conflict with me while waiting for the D to move forward.

He said "OW thinks your pretty"
!?!

My WH told me I had too much time on my hands and I think too much

"You need to start saving up money to pay for (our son's) health insurance; I have to start thinking about myself, now." (Oh, really? When did you decide you weren't going to be his father anymore?)

"We went to the motel but we didn't have sex; we just lay side by side and talked all night. I was really depressed, and she saved my life!" (Wow, thanks, OW!)

"I don't have to move out; I can sleep in the spare room, and it'll be like we're separated..." (I don't think so...)

"I can't move out, I don't have anywhere to go!" (Not my problem)

"You could have gotten a cheaper apartment!" (griping because he had to pay temporary support.....and I got the apartment under a program for low income people!)

"Evidently your mother thinks talking to someone on the phone is adultery." (Well, combined with all the sex, it would appear reasonable.)

(as the separation wore on) "Why can't I come by and spend the evening with you? It isn't that late....wait, you don't want to see me, do you!??!??" (Good for you picking up on that subtle hint, Sparky.)

OW said this to me before I found out about the affair. "You have the most beautiful face I've ever seen!" (double edged compliment - what about the rest of me? lol) Oh to go back to that moment....what I'd do to her now....

Hehehe, this thread has made me feel SO much better!

One of my favorites from my FWH was, "People lie, it's just reality." How silly of me to expect otherwise!

Because they always "affair down". She OW was showing her insecurity about her attractiveness.

O.o ooooouuuuucchhhh I think that's the worst I've seen yet.

Bumping for Mitzi.

"... for better or worse, in sickness and health, forsaking all others, as long as we both shall live."

Wow, rereading old posts of mine bring back so many memories...

So, this is from my generally de-fogged H the other day - "You didn't set that up, right? [The POSOW "tempting" him]. She's not like a plant or something?"

Really? I would put myself through all the pain, sorrow and misery, Plan B and an almost divorce just to "check" if you were being faithful? ugh.

I think I remember a poster who's husband and mistress wantedto move her in the house, "sister wife" style.

Her husband in frustration said to her, something allong the lines of..
"Why can't you guys just learn to SHARE me?"

who the heck was that? That is about the worst wayspeak/waythought

Oh, what fog-babble do I pick -- there were so many good ones!! We had socialized with OW and her boyfriend before the affair and apparently she told my XWH that she and her boyfriend had considered seeeing if we were into swapping?! I guess she decided not to swap, just go with sleeping with my WH and let me find my own partner!!

Wait, I forgot to mention that she is bi-sexual -- maybe she meant me?! Well, since she couldn't have me, I guess my WH was a good second choice!

BUMP

"no i am not having an affair"

"it was like a vacation"

WH: How can I be with someone that is so disrespectful. How could you invade my privacy like that. Those photos (the two of them in the hot tub together) you found are private property, so you have stolen property now.

... the day I officially confirmed his "friend" relationship was so much more ...

Here is one from the other day, he is mad that I am in Plan B and that I exposed this to everyone ...

I guess for a while I thought that you could handle this without turning this into a vendetta. I still belief that you are a good mother to our children. Just because you and I don't have that special bond any longer doesn't mean that we have to destroy each other. I wish you could see that and accept the end of our relationship without feeling the need that you have to assassinate my character ...

It was really only a 2 minute question, but it took STBXWH about 30 minutes to ask the question ... here it is in a nutshell

... I am calling you because OW and I want to take trip to Portugal. First it was supposed to be a big group of us(YEAH Right), but now it is only the two of us . My commander is going to call you for permission because they do not think it is right for a married man and single woman to do this... Will you tell him it is okay?"

After this phone call my entire world changed--Infidelity was Introduced!!!!

Sorry - they keep coming to me!!!

STBXWH: "You emotionally divorced me years ago."
me: "Really, because I don't remember doing that." I think he is being coached from my MIL

I'm sorry
I'm still in love with you

...yet she continues

STBXWH: I want a divorce because you are a bully and will forever beat me up over this.

STBXWH: from an email in Dec'10
1. I told you that I thought she was engaged. I don�t really care either way because it doesn�t make a difference. Not sure why you care so much.
2. I did not use deceptive ways to hide anything from you.
3. I can�t support you as long as you have this attitude of judging me and making demands.
4. You continue to throw this in my face. You are consumed by it. That is the same old wife.


Maybe the last five months was for me to get even. I know, sounds horrible but I guess I don�t feel too guilty because I felt betrayed by you based on what happened over the past seven years.

me: It was because we had four back to back kids, and depleted each other's LB --- nothing that could not have been fixed Instead of fixing our marriage you chose to shack up with OW, abandon your family, and now leave us completely.

He is a sad man today. I miss who he was!!!

"I was coming back, until you exposed the affair."...followed by I can never forgive you for it....

"I never loved you like a wife should love a husband."

what skank said to my FWH (then he told me)

"I would tell your wife what a wonderful husband you are!"
(becuase he wouldnt divorce me)

also,

The OW liked him becuase he was so genuine and honest!
(our counselor even laughed at that one)

ok, another, I have so many...

after D Day

I asked if he had ANY contact with OW ....

FWH "No...."

days later when I found out there was contact w OW..

FWH "Well, you didnt ask if I had contact with THAT one..."
(problems with multiple OW)

About 10-11 months after I filed for divorce, but while we were still married, I got a text from my WH. It said:

"I am VERY single!"

Apparently he and the POSOW had broken up.

I remember when we were still legally married, he called me and said that "he now hated to be a single guy now because all the stuff (my plan A and exposure and continued nuclear exposure of posow)I did caused Monkeyho to break up with him and that he was going to forever hate being a single guy."

Then after the married half-witted wonder paused he said, "I hate dating Ms. Family Values (the affairage wifey he just got divorced from) but she'll do right now. I swear you never stop do you Peachy? You forced me to date Ms. Family Values. But I guess you will HATE HER LESS than Monkeyho."

Oh sweet jebus how these idiots think.

Here is the best example of crazy wayward behavior. I actually posted this to Andy on another thread, then realized after i began writing on THIS thread, that this is another example of bizarre, mind-altering, crazy wayward.

An affair will take a toll on the life of a wayward. Eventually the weight of it and the stress associated with it (if you raise holy heyall enough like you're supposed to) will make them either do some of this:

gain weight
lose weight
grow hair
lose hair
dress like an idiot/skanky
dress in different wierd styles.

Or all of it!

My xwh began at first dressing wierdly. A formerly conservative dresser who shopped at J Crew online and wore Ralph Lauren and got suits at Joseph A. Banks, suddenly began dressing imho, like Will Ferrell from "A Night at the Roxbury". (bob your heads in unision if you will).

When the affair began taking its' toll on him and the posow after I did a better than nuclear exposure, that went so far as his clients finding out (I didn't plan on that one) and pulling out from his firm, he began to gain weight and lo and behold! This 34 year old guy went GREY. Yep. He was naturally a man with dark brown hair, almost black but NOT black. And he had a goatee too.

During a dark plan B, I would only see him from afar at a switchoff. (I was living in a town 7 hrs away from my hometown as we'd just moved and literally knew very little people at the time). A friend of mine would walk to the other car, get my son and walk to my car so he couldn't see me (that's the best I could get done, plus my almost IM would take his calls and emails). She went to pick my son up for me and bring him over and busted out laughing when she saw my xwh.

He'd gone grey. Totally grey. He asked her "what? What are you laughing at?" She told him he'd gone grey and asked how was the affair working for him?

Next day I get a call from one of my bff's back home who had a friend who worked with Monkeyho (our inside connection to what the posow was up to). The friend told my bff that Monkeyho was angry he looked 10 years older, and that she thought he looked "fat and old".

So what did "fat and old" darth do next to appease the crazy, gold digging posow?

He did this.



Yep he dyed the beard AND the goatee and he looked like a crazy ex convict who must've been recently entered into the Witness Protection program.

At the next dropoff, my IM began laughing hilariously again. And of course, xwh was like "What? What are you laughing at NOW?"

That picture & story gave me a good laugh, Peachy!

peachy makes me die laughing. Do you have a professional scriptwriter, peachy?

Here is one, I am sure I will think of others later.

When WW was in her addiction, and she was hunting for someone to jump to like a tick, I had recently found out about the addiction after 2 years of hiding it.

She said, "I am leaving you, there is a guy who I am interested in me, and I checked him out with everybody in the bar he goes to next to his house, everybody says he is a great guy. He drinks and does coke, but has convictions against heroin, because he had a friend who died because of it, I tested him though, by leaving an empty capsule around, to see what he would do, and he didn't say anything about it"

She added,,"I think this guy could be good for me"

Shortly later things got pretty tense as you can imagine.

"You were the love of my life"

Yeah, not very likely

Wow. CP that dude had GREAT references, after all if everybody in the bar next to his house says he is a great guy. Never mind the coke and drinking and heroin, but a GREAT guy!

So sorry she actually said that. It is sad when you see people spiraling down.

@SusieQ & SugarCane: Many times I've said here my life during that time could have been made into a bad lifetime movie.

I actually have been writing a book on/off the last five years. I have about 9 chapters written so far in it. Have incorporated this board, and a few members into the plot (who are great supporters and friends) but changed things up a bit. A few of the docs and some coworkers I have read the book thus far, and have been asking me to finish it. They loved it.

Of course, in the book I kill of Monkeyho and make her look like a pathetic fool. Also my situation had a central issue, a financial plot with wxh's business which is the truth, and involvement in a huge national lawsuit with a small and very unknown type of investment entity. Should make "Wall Street" looks like childs' play.

Anyhow, that kept me sane during the last seven to eight years, writing.

But seriously, Darth did that. And when he was going off to marry Ms. Family Values within days of our divorce being signed (she was like 6 months pregnant)he did the "fear the beard dye job" yet again. I've written about that too. He looked hilarious.

yes, it's written into the book. The beard dye job. You can NOT include that.

I wish I could honestly say that all of this is truly hilarious, but in reality, when I was in the middle of it, it was 100% only sad and pathetic.

WE can see what these people are doing, but they cannot.

" All I need to come back is a home to come to"

What about when I provided one for 15 years, and you still pulled houdinis? What was the reasons then? I was at work?

Yeah, and he could "help her"? OMG how Bass-akward is that? The guy had a good job, and some money, so you can tell where that was going anyways.

She did at one time tell me He was looking into treatment farms for her to go to, I gave her a few names, but it never happened.


Oh just thought of another one,, Once when they were having a fight, she had him drop her off where I worked out of the blue. She told me about the fight, and that she stuck up for me by saying, "My husband has more integrity in the tip of his little finger than you have in your whole body" Well that what she was looking for anyways, someone who was as low as she wanted to go. I assure you her compliment did very little to comfort me considering the source at the time.

Ummmm

Her: Asking for divorce has nothing to do with OM

Her: I asked for divorce so I can f**k who ever I want

Her: We are not together, so I am not cheating
Me: Uh we are still married

Her: I truely didn't leave you for OM I know that how you feel.
Me: Really now

just some haha

Thats good to hear in many ways peachy..

1. I have been told I have a talent for writing also, back when I started colledge, and by others when I have written short storys.

2. I also think writing might be a good outlet for me, as this site has been a sorta live journal, and has kept me sane.

3. My therapist says I should write a book, I have a lot to say, and again it would probably be a good way to journal.

I don't know what to write, but most writers write about thier life experiences. A fiction book would be great, but truth is stranger than fiction... I know!! Science Fiction.. !! How to screw over people and become an alien without consequences catching up to you?

Peachy, is that your ex or just some random person who dyed their beard?

Not my ex, that would be the real fear the beard baseball dude who IS wierd irl. Strange part is he has the same bone structure and blue eyes and does look similar to darth.

Fear the beard !

Oh dear God !

This thread is both funny and sad. When you're in the midst of it all it's not very damn funny at all. But later, you look back and remember some of the really stupid things that were said and it can make you laugh.

Two of my favorites - After getting drunk and openly flirting with what became OM1, my FWW was scolded by two of her friends then I gathered our things and told her we were leaving because she was making a scene. Her response - "You NEVER let me have any fun! I was enjoying that and you didn't like it so you made me stop. That's not fair!" yep, I was so unfair....

Second one came after everything, and yes I mean everything, finally came out after 2+ years of lies and deceit. She was trying to justify her actions and told me "You know, you never finished putting down that trim in the living room and that has always pissed me off". How's that for justification to have an affair? I was so blindsided by that one that I couldn't even respond. Unbelievable how her brain was working then. She doesn't even remember saying it now.

After I played a tape recording to my WW where in her own voice while talking to one of ther girlfriends on a cell phone in her care (I had hidden a tape recorder in the car) she discusses OM's "heart of gold" and the fact that she went to him and began an affair because she needed to feel good about herself....

WW responds to me by saying "I have no idea what I was talking about, maybe I was dreaming. I swear on a stack of Bibles that I don't know what I was talking about."

Of course I also have heard that frequently mentioned "He was just a friend..."

Then for the first A she said about the other man "He was flirtatious with everyone. He even flirted with my mother."

Then there was the day she said "I did not know he was that young."

But my all time favorite: "He has a girlfriend so you know he wouldn't be interested in me. What kind of man do you think he is?"

Hurting Turkey
ME: BH age 56 Recovering Verbal Abuser
SHE:WW age 49
Married 13 years
Hers: 22 and 18 years
Mine: 30, 28 and 22 years
Ours: 11 years
She still won't admit A despite overwhelming evidence
Considered Plan B but was told not to by Steve H. since A is over
Grateful for the people on this board (even though they tire of telling me what I don't want to hear!)

Me: How could you cheat on your family?

WW: I didn't cheat on the family. I cheated on you!

The argument that began it all;

"You never let me have any friends, like... (proceeds to list of male friends, all of whom it went physical with at some point)"

And you wonder why?

When I was fighting her about ending contact (at this point, the only admission was that they had kissed);

"I've changed it my head, so we are only friends now."

She also stated that she had "No problem" with me having contact with any women whom I had a physical history with.

Then it happened, and that has a thread of it's own. (I behaved poorly :()

XH blaming me for DD17 not seeing him for 2 years and how he justifies his choices.

Stop using DD17 as a tool, you could have helped with me and DDs relationship, but you didn�t. I guess that means welcoming PP with open arms You wanted to control everything and you still do. You think you are so sleek thersaus? in the things you do and no one is aware of it, you�re wrong, and every documented incident just validated that the choices I made are the correct ones. affairage and rutting in the pigpen

I hope you find happiness like I have, and you can find someone to spend the rest of your life with. PP wrote this (as most of his correspondence

If happiness is losing your senior position, not seeing DDs for 2 years and declaring bankruptcy then I would have to say it is not happiness just being drunk

Waywards are dumb.

Wow Hope. Pp is such the "wordsmith". Love her wonderful spelling!

It IS sad isn't it how they are deluded by facts.
Refusing to see truth or dignity or honesty.

I still get crazy stuff from my wxh. He sent my ds, age 12, who KNOWS BETTER and knows exactly why I divorced his dad, and why the ow/affairage wifey also just divorced his dad, and knows why his dad, the ex ceo, is now in jail. He read a letter recently from his father, who wrote: "People stole alot of $ from daddy. Daddy does not know why they did that and there were alot of LIES said about me and why I am in jail."

My son handed me the letter and asked me to toss it. He said his dad is somebody who "doesn't get it".

Out of the mouths of babes right?

My 12 year old gets it. And has not wanted to see his own father in over a year and I support my son in this. He's at the age where he can decide what he wants, and in this specific instance, the 12 year old is right.

Sad truth is if the ws NEVER changes, they become more and more wayward and you will hear nothing BUT these insane and ludicrous remarks forever.

I am one of those who, althoug with extremely small and limited contact, either get once or up to say five times a year, crazy justifications and lies from either my xwh or his parents, whom I call "the outlaws",who are just as bad as he is, if not worse, for years of enabling their ws son, and for his wife (xh's mom) who enabled for years her H who is a serial cheater.

Can I just say that after dealing with three OW IRL, (text confrontation with my H's OW1, call to OW2 and face to face confrontation with my sister's H's OW), that these chicks are just as fogged out or moreso than our Hs?

All three OW told baldfaced lies and were skillful gaslighters. Additionally, OW1 told me "You need help", and my sister's OW angrily insisted that my sister's H slept at her house because he was tired and it was convenient, that she did nothing wrong and she would have us arrested for harassing her! Crazy!

So anyway, I highly recommended confronting an OP face to face with at least a friend or sibling or two and telling them in ML-fashion that hell is coming and don't even bother trying to reason with them...

Warms my heart to see children who can see past Bullcrap. Thanks peachy

Anytime an email comes we play "who wrote it"...The writing style is so different. When XH responds it is usually out of anger or in response to something he does not want PP to see. When PP writes for him she tries to look "smart" and use all those big ole words from the Dic-tionary! She is such a scholar.

As long as XH is in the pigpen he will never see the truth and this was the most ethical man I knew. All those fake body bits has him a tailspin...still.

Well well well. You know how I'd handle the infamous pp?

I'd out wordsmith her!

I'd write something so four and five syllabled, along the lines of a speech by say, Al Sharpton, something like this.

"It is a conundrum and defiles the soul how your paramour continues such obtuse behavior. Heretofore, and verily I say to you, in actuality, it is imperative you cease and desist in your condonment of his situation. I beesech you, Pee Pee, to encourage him to incorporate some HONORI�FICABILI�TUDINI�TATIBUS into his daily activities and spirituality."

That should confuse the H outta her!

Wow I've heard both of these!!

Right! He has said this more than once... or, "I wish I could go back and change things and you guys could be friends because you would be good for her"

Me, too, sad to say. He even said "She's a really nice person. You'd like her." to DS15. DS15 politely disagreed.

My crazy vile, xwh said the same thing to me about Monkeyho.

He told me "wow, you two have so much in common. You'd love her and probably be the best of friends if not for "this"."

When he decided his other shag partner, Ms. Family Values, who would shag him when monkeyho was out of town (she lived in our hometown in TN), and when he finally had "no choice but choose Ms. Family Values after I forever ruined that romance (with all the awesome exposure I did to her)he told me...

"I think you'll really like Family Values. I mean, she is NOT monkeyho, and she's not the REAL reason we're getting divorced."

Um. The [censored] forgot to mention she was already pregnant too.

Oh dear. His mental prowess still amazes me!

Now I just realize he's about as sane as this guy.

What a guy. Who'd have ever known I was once married to the other warlock vatican assassin?



You see, Darth was the original.

How many times did I hear THAT one? Sure, the A has nothing to do with OM... our marital problems are between me and WS!

"OM knows how to be a real man."

This one killed me. So fooling around with a married woman, while his live-in girlfriend and special-needs son are at home, is being a real man? Lying about some kind of faux rap-career that's still lingering from the 1990s, living on the government's SS check for his child, and probably selling drugs to make ends meet is what real men do?

Yes yes yes!!! I have gotten something like this a lot, even all the way through Plan A.... I mean... is this some common thread? Why do WS think that BS and OP have so much in common and would love each other?

She's a trailer trash overweight stupid ugly chick that apparently has no fixed moral values, so that's a no, we will not be friends.

Good one, mehr! Those poor waywards. Yep, it's as common as dirt.

I just read this and had coffee come out of my nose from laughing!!

Maybe I can explain it to him in 5 words or less as schoolbus used to say because that is all the waywards can handle....

PP is a dumb rutting pig.....oops that was 6. I hope she doesn't get confused!

They aren't exactly THINKERS are they? For if they thought about what they were doing, they'd see it was insane and plain wrong.

I think the wayturds try the whole "if we weren't having an affair, you'd love ow/om, because you're so much alike" is to do their ultimate wayward goal. GAIN ACCEPTANCE.

Today I saw the most strained photo online. Of the horrible and super-fugly Leann Whines (Rimes) as she pushes herself into a birthday party for her sleazy affair partner now masquerading as her fiance (with the ring she purchased for herself) and she tries to pretend nicey nice with his now xbw.

Dear Lord. I totally know how the poor xbw felt. Been there, did that at several birthday parties. The first one after my divorce, my xh's instant wife (affairage) was there with the baby. all friends of mine were like ????? Everybody knew it was insane.

Here's the homewrecker and evil skank Leann trying to pretend she is a normal and not-evil person:

The skank-ho horseface is to the left with her cell phone up, probably texting how "great" it is to be there with the bw and all, pretending that she thinks that the x betrayed wife (who is on the right and far more lovely and dignified than leann is)kinda looks shocked to me that she has to share the space with sleazy Leann.

I seriously hate Leann Whines. You see, that in action is the ultimate goal of a wayturd and an OP! Acceptance!

And what must NEVER EVER be given to homewreckers and their illicit married affair partners under any circumstance.

Oh yeah, I forgot about that one too.. The guy was a salesman for a trucking company, kinda fat, as a matter of fact, they all called him "Fat_____" , (first name). when I asked why they called him that, a younger guy said, " Well he throws himself around like a big shot who is better than everybody, but his dad gave him the house, and we all know hes a coke head, so hes a joke"

My boys who were forced to live there for a couple weeks, laughed at me when I said I was afraid he was going to replace me. "Ha Him? He could never replace you or be my father!" Real Man? She meant "real a-hole-right-up-my-alley"


Yes yes yes!!! I have gotten something like this a lot, even all the way through Plan A.... I mean... is this some common thread? . [/quote]

Yup it is, its like they try to change the world into some love-fest . They want to have it all, and its easier if you approve.

I remember after years of my mom going to see the pastor of our church for counselling, and my dads stubborness and paranoia, it finnally coming out, that the reason he kept saying, "I want a divorce", was that he was interested in someone at work.

He told my Mom he wanted to move her in with us and "help" her. Yeah watch the theme, they allways affair down. Its a pretty simple formula, you have to go down to find someone to fufill purely selfish needs. That was in the 70s also, and he quoted the communes. I really can't bash my Dad for being a sleaze, he wasn't before he worked himself into the ground. I can be upset at him for being so stubborn, and not taking counsel though. My mom was willing to do whatever it took. She was not blind to her own issues either.

My WW thought she was gonna replace my kids Father,(me), with the other guy too.

Its a common thread that the world revolves around them, and how they see things.



Yeah they are all like Bill Paxton in "True Lies"..Poor little insecure boys..

Like the crazy celeb I dislike above, their common goal as an OP and for the wayward is to get the rest of the world and their immediate family and friends AND YOU, THE BS, to accept their crap. To embrace and accept them. AFFAIR too. Support it even!

My xh had a crazy dream. Wanna know what it was everybody? CP you'll think this is hilarious (in a dark dark way).

He wanted and said on numerous occasions he wanted to purchase for me in same subdivision (very nice one) in the area where the cluster homes which are smaller are, a house. A house maybe five minutes away from his house and the once dream house we built together.

He said he would love to be able to come over for Sunday dinners, and to spend some quality conversation time with me and my son, and then he'd bring his son over to his house (our old house he still had and one I left)for the night for a few nights of the week. He said he wished I would just let him "get things out of his system (the affair)". He said he wished I could just "get to know her b/c I'd like her, if things were different". He said he could really see me (this is their secret desire) being her friend.

He said he knew that things with Monkeyho wouldn't probably be permanent, but that he wanted US (he and I) to always remain friends thru the divorce (which it got uglier than ugly. Even uglier than Leann Whines!) and that probably one day he'd want to remarry me again.

Crazy huh? For a second, could any of you imagine ME doing that? Cooking my heart out like usual and having my xwh over for sunday dinners and long talks on the back porch? Huh? Could you see me letting him bring my then little boy over to his house with his mistress under same roof and put that little one to sleep there? Um whaaa?

And could you see me becoming buddy/buddy with the posow, monkeyho? Really.

This is the crap that does come out of a waywards' piehole.

But their end game is acceptance. Once you learn it, you RUIN their endgame with the affair. Ruin the h@ll outta it!

OMG Peachy, he WAS in la-la land. Sheesh!

Isn't it amazing how much most of them follow the same/similar script? Now that I'm so far removed from all of this, I can laugh.

I wish I had known back then that half the stuff my hubby said back then wasn't original or special. Maybe some newbies will read these and see the humor. I would imagine it would make it so much easier when dealing with a wayward to know that you CAN'T take every thing they say to heart. They're insane!

@Princess Meggy:

You know this is a lighter thread (dark though in reality) but the thing that is to be noted like you said, is the commonality of all the drivel they say.

I once had a counselor (the one I used for my personal recovery after the D) tell me that the reason my crazy xwh would say such things AND BELIEVE what he said was for this:

She said he could not find a way to logically wrap his mind around destroying what was a good marriage and family. He couldn't find a way to be able to cheat, have the fun and danger associated with the cheap thrills you get from new love affairs and balance that wish for thrills with the happiness and satisfaction he truly got from being at his home, with me, his wife, experiencing a more mature type of love, and of course, being at home enjoying being a father.

She told me my xh felt he was losing his "edge" as some guys do, and when they get really successful, or in other situations it is a tragic or sudden shock type of situation that makes them suddenly seek out these thrills, that they become a wayward.

But she said his saying he wanted me five minutes away literally meant that he didn't really want to end his marriage or his life. He wanted to have both, and he could not for his reality collided with the fantasy.

So PM, you're right. What they ALL say outta that piehole, is not original or new or even remotely creative. It is their way trying to mesh together their secret fantasy life and the illicit thrills it gives with their stable, more mature type of love in their marriage and the love of being a parent, which might not be sexy or glamorous, but is far better a choice.

The cheap thrills and the feeling you get when you meet somebody new is just that. Something new that won't last. Like my old counselor told me, "old friends are best because of the history and the TRUST." She told me you have this bond with those you really know and love and its' like that with a marriage partner when the marriage is basically good. It might not be new, sexy, and there might not be as many thrills, but it's better than a new relationship because of all of the love, trust, and time.

I think this is why all the affairs fall apart imho. It's because they are based on short-term and short-lived type of almost reptilian emotions. The most basic of feelings you get right after you meet somebody. Butterflies, the up and down rollercoaster type feelings.

Affairs aren't wired to last either. They lack the abiity to develop trust. After all, if your foundation is lies, how can you build upon that? Forever the om or ow with the married lover, even if the married lover divorces, they'll be looking behind each others' backs wondering if that will happen to them.

It is humorous and dark what the waywards say. It is almost nonsensical. Laughable in some instances, but they believe the drivel they're saying and want it so badly to be true.

You know, my xwh would have done anything to have had that fantasy come to life. I would have had to have, on the other hand, a lobotomy for that to even come to fruition.

Yup, you hit the nail on the head, "Everybody should love me, or fear me, or want to be me", they can't accept that they will never have that, or that the world would be a terrible place if it were so.

So many who work so hard to make the grade, end all of their struggles, do everything right, reach the top and have it all, and yet they don't realize they already do, and that tommorow there will be another challange.

Sounds like your XWH drank the ego kool-aid somewhere along the line. I don't know how or when, but the fantasy of having all the women love me, and all the men follow me and fear me,(Ya Know the teenage high school thing?), had taken him over from the head up, so to speak. If thats not the mindset of Ganstas and childish insecure tyrants, to want to have all the women drooling and waiting for my attention, well IDK, maybe I never had that Fantasy before myself, that when I grew up I laughed at, just like old porn movies used to have me bustin a gut.

Reminds me of how the love of money and how the gift of it can ruin people. XWH had a good job, was the deacon in a church, and it helped to destroy him. I allways thought money was a tool and not evil in itself, but if I ever had a lot of it, I would be careful in my stewardship of it. Now it seems XWH has been eaten alive by it and "All the things that money can buy", and is a shell of the Man he could be now.

He really doesn't know which way is up does he?


Oh yeah the Leann Whines thing, thats what happens when you worry more about what people think, than how to think. My late WW was like that, and wanted to be loved by everyone and constantly praised. Some of it had to do with a bad childhood I agree, but you should still know what is real and what is fake, specially if you are in the acting business.

In the spirit of the thread, she once said vehmently, "I am a representative of God on this earth, its important that people like me" welll..ooooKkkkkk.

How's this take on my exWW's attempt to fogbabble and gaslight the family court from the judge handling our divorce:

"The court aslso concludes that husband has established that wife and POSOM hold themselves out as a couple as the statute requires for the termination of an alimony obligation. In the November 2008 PFA hearing Wife testified that POSOM was her boyfriend and POSOM similarly testified wife was her girlfriend. At the ancilary hearing, wife explained that she was under extreme stress and likely could not have recalled the names of her own children at the PFA hearing due to her claims of husband's attorney's agressive nature. The court finds little credibility in Wife's explanation, given the fact that according to the hearing transcript, the attorney's inquiry as to whether POSOM was Wife's boyfriend was only the second question he posed to Wife after asking whether " You and PSUBIKER are currently in a divorce situation, is that correct?" The court fails to see any agressiveness in either of the first two questions posed to wife on cross examination and sincerely doubts that these questions caused wife to experience such extreme stress that she could not correctly recall whether POSOM was her boyfriend at the time. "

Hahaha!

That's gold, PSUBIKER, pure gold!

I'll add my WW's recent ramblings...
Her- you tell me you want to listen to me better but you should have stopped reaching out to my friends when I told you I was mad about Maid_of_honor finding out.
Me- staying silent wouldn't have ended the affair.
Her- no but it might have let me process before I talked to my friends instead of feeling attacked. The damage is done in both our parts.

I didn't reply but wanted to with saying, "oh by process do you mean justify the affair to your friends?"

Thats a good one, they wanted to spin the bullcrap thier way. Been there.

How about this..

After working two jobs and being the sole provider for over 15 years, when WW slips into addiction issues, and I get hurt on the job, she looks for a new host.

She tells her new druggie best Friends Forever, that "CP just can't take care of me anymore"

Even those guys saw right thru it. It was so Sad and painful to watch. That was the most frustrating time of my life. Totally helpless and hopeless.

Reminds me of "Justice Guy", the song by Stephen Lynch.

Here is an excerpt from the Song "Super Hero"
_________________________________________________



..Kids, You can make up your very own superhero
If you could, Who would it be?...


If I a superhero
Would you be justice guy
Making sure people get what they deserve
Especially women who lie
Like if a wife left her husband
With three kids and no job
To run off to Hawaii
With some doctor named bob
You can skin them and drain them of blood so they die
Especially bob
Then you would be justice guy
___________________________

And does this with a maniacal smile as he is singing Lol.

Oh my. I must find this song.

http://comedians.jokes.com/stephen-lynch/videos/stephen-lynch---superheroes/

Watch this one

My all time favourite was

You disappoint me, I thought you were more liberal than this. (After i said i was leaving due to the ginge)

That and all the guff about just friends, I needed a friend, like a sister, but I love her little girl, and the one about having been tryin to get out of it for the last 18 months but didn't want to hurt her. Ahhhh bless.

Thankfully I think the fog is clearing and things are better than ever!

[u]

Originally Posted by peachyisback

I am one of those who, althoug with extremely small and limited contact, either get once or up to say five times a year, crazy justifications and lies from either my xwh or his parents, whom I call "the outlaws",who are just as bad as he is, if not worse, [u]for years of enabling their ws son, and for his wife (xh's mom) who enabled for years her H who is a serial cheater.

I think you just hit on something here for me. My stbxh's mother put up with HER husband cheating (and she did too, but it was all because HE did of course), and that is why when my stbxh was confronted by me, his mom stuck up for him.

my stbxh always kept his to cyber affairs. Their reasoning is 'it's not like it was a PHYSICAL affair!" and I was 'crazy' to think it was anything like that. Um, hello...you never got a hard on? I'm so sorry. Oh you did? Did you finish it? yes? It was physical then right? Of course not! I wasn't in the SAME ROOM!


I always found it interesting that I was sexually abused by my brother between the ages of 9 and 11. My mother denied it was because my brother never 'penetrated' us girls (five of us). My stbxh never denied THAT was real, but his cyber affair wasn't....duh.

Another time, on another one I caught him on, he swore he was going to go NC, and handed ME the phone to call her to tell her. I said, why ME? He responded: You are the one that wants it to end.


Okkkkkaaayyy. So I did, I called, (censored what I told her) then I told her she can go cry to her husband. SHe said: But we made plans to MEET! I paid for a hotel room already! I said, oh damn, I was a day early and a lawyer short. She said, you can't stop us, I know where you live and I will drive up there. I said, go for it. You might catch your head again before it crosses back over the state line, I should be able to get it to fly that far, it's pretty empty of any brain weight.

Then.....

"you are threatening me? With what? YOU? He said you have MS and can't even push the vacuum". I said, oh he told you? Nice. Did he tell you I can still have sex? In that case, you know I can't physically hurt you, so how's this: Alienation of affection. I don't have to move far, just a short ways across state lines for a few months, meanwhile, I can let you meet, and then, I can sue you till the cows come home AND get my divorce, and spousal support and child support, and your husband leaves..." she called ME a b*tch and hung up. [/u][/u]

I was just getting warmed up too.

Good one!

"the kids like her, they are just confused because you call her the mean lady"

Oh yes... it is the KIDS that are confused ...

"I did not have an affair , it was simply a relationship within a relationship"

I had to get him to look up the word affair in the dictionary before he finally agreed that sleeping with a coworker while still married to me IS an affair.

After exposure my WH says

"It is not like you to behave this way. I might have to go for custody of the kids because you are obviously unstable"

Thats right, it's me thats unstable. He is obviously behaving quite sensibly.

WW: I want to be single and move back to New York.

ME: You want to be a single mom with two kids in New York City? You can't afford it.

WW: I lived in NY by myself before.

ME: No you didn't. You had two roommates and no kids. And then you lived with me and I paid all the bills.

WW: See, you never believe in me.

She wants to be Carrie Bradshaw.

Except Carrie had a cushy job and could flit about with her married boyfriend and any other guy she felt like being with. Because she didn't have any kids or anything.

And she was ...less than celibate.

I swear, I never could stand women like that.

Anyway, the point is that she wants to be single and "rich" and all that nonsense.

This is EGG ZAK LEE why I often suggest calling the deed what it is ... ADULTERY.

I think "affair" is too wishy-washy.

WW: It's so frustrating. I can't find a job anywhere.

ME: Well, is there anything else you could send your resume out for besides being a schoolteacher? Could you work in an art gallery? What do you want to do?

WW: I want to write movies!

End scene.

Pepper Affair, Adultry, Cheating all amounts to the same thing, weak individuals who havent got the galls to commit to a marriage and control themselves. Marriage is good but also requires work no matter how good it is. The Waywards simply don't know what work is and are selfish self centred immoral weaklings.

Where is the Coen Brothers when you need them (great comedy for sure)

Me on his affair: "Why didn't you ever stop it!"

Him: "I did stop! Like 10 times!"


I do not think it means what you think it means.

Here's a classic. I got this from him about 2 years after I discovered his cheating. He was by this time, divorced from me and married to the ow/wistress wifey.

Like Dr. Harley says, affairs die within 2 years and it (affairage now) was in its' death throes already by then, and he wanted out apparently.

So the dweeb (my xwh)tried to ask me out when he pretended I had to come and pick up my son immediately (feigned an emergency) b/c I was basically in a plan B/D/permanent F-U plan.

Darth: None of this worked out like I wanted it to. I'm so sorry. Can I take you out to dinner tonight? It could be a date. I just never thought I'd make such a big mistake.

Me: DARTH YOU ARE MARRIED. I don't date married guys.

Darth: It's not like I'm REALLY MARRIED. I mean, I married her because she was pregnant. It wasn't like I wanted to or anything.

Me: Was there a gun to your head at the courthouse?

Darth: No. But I'm NOT REALLY MARRIED to her and don't feel married so going to dinner or dating you doesn't count. BUT I WAS MARRIED TO YOU, and that did count.

Me: YOU ARE ON CRACK!(Angry peachy turns and walks away from a dumbfounded Darth).

So, the question apparently for my nutso xwh, Darth is this, "When pray tell sir, DOES A MARRIAGE count to you and WHEN is that marriage valid?"

I think if we asked many waywards this very question, we'd get some hilarious answers. Kinda like "Jaywalking" on Jay Leno. We just get somebody to ask this to various waywards and see what they say!

The idiocacy and lack of ability to think clear is the hallmark of the foggy. Geez I am so glad I don't have to see or hear from him anymore! I love plan F-U

I'm sorry but this really mDe me laugh, I know I shouldn't but it's so stupid thT I can't help laughing.

Me too Thanks for that peachy..

"Well I'm not REALLY married" Lol He shoulda added "Cuz I said so and I don't feel like it right now"

#1. "He is like the big brother I never had." (source... my current WW)

#2. "If you really love me you will be happy for me to be in love with him. I am not going to leave you, you know.: (source... my first WW)

This is a humor thread.
You're supposed to laugh.

On d-day H said "I tried so hard not to cheat THIS time."

Also on d-day: "I love you. I just don't think you love me."

Another gem from my WH

"why dont you go and cheat on me too so then we can be even"

wow he actually gave me his blessing to go sleep with another man, nice one, glad I had the dignity not to do something that stupid.

One of my favourites was we have a connection, I should have realised it was his genitals to hers.

One of his nastiest, and I don't think he remembers it it was so awful, the day after Dday 1 (5 yrs ago) he was going to see her and I was doing hte whole awful shaking and tears falling out of my eyes rather than sobbing stuff we all seem to do,

"what are you going to do.......sit there and shake?

now that was when the alien was resident. I have my DH back now, and better than that I know that I will be fine on my own if he ever contacts her again!

He wouldn't say something like that today.

Must be the day today, but I thought of another one....
With my first WW...

Let me set the stage... We moved 850 miles away from POSOM who just happened to have been at one time my best friend....

"I MISS HIS CAR..."

That wasn't fog babble, that was tailpipe exhaust babble....

bump

I guess the craziest one is when stopping the A came up during MC session. Me - 'I asked you to stop the A - twice!' Her response - 'I did, both times.' Huh?

My WH to a friend who asked him about our separation

F: so you and Atena are separated and you have a girlfriend ah?
WH: yes I am seeing someone
F: and where you seeing her while still living with Atena and your son?
WH: I started to see her when told Atena I wanted to separate, not before
F: Yes, but you were still married and living with her
WH: I told her I wanted to separate, this marriage has been over for years.

To a work collegue at lunch break after we separated (we are not divorced) and he never had the decency to call my mom. Never spoke to her since separation (2 years)
C: I heard Italian mother in laws can be difficult
WH: I get along perfectly with mine.

ME: If you move to NY with the kids, I'll have to fly up there each month. Rent a car. Rent a hotel for the weekend. And that's on top of child support. How am I going to pay for all this?

WW: JUST PUT IT ON YOUR CREDIT CARD!!!

As I realised my "recovery" failed and OM was coming to town to see my wife she told me:
WW: I need to find out if he's the one. If we have a future.

The day after they met, he dumped her and told her she ruined his life and marriage.

That was the fastest future I heard of!!!

Another crazy one from my WH was:
"I never really loved you, our M was arranged" (of course it was not, I came from Italy and he from the States, our parents didn't even speak the same language nor knew eachother...)

Another one:
"OW has nothing to do with us splitting, the M has been a carcass for way too long. I shouldn't have put up with it for as long as I had. A helped me not kill myself. OW helped me, she is a nice person. I care a lot about her."
"She did not want to see a married man, but I convinced her"

WH: I am going out all the time because I can't be around you, because you are not happy

Me: But all I want is to see you?

WH: You live in la la land if you think our marriage is at all ok.

(Note - At this point didnt know he was having affair!)

Another one-

ME: Do you have feelings for her?

WH: I would only call it feelings if you want to do something about it..

ME: Do you want to do something about it?

WH I don't know.

(Well with a love like that it was totally worth spending a fortune on her and wrecking our marriage over having to see her all the time)

I got this one too!!!
He also added: There are women who are always happy. I want a woman to be happy with.

He couldn't have been more unhappy in those days. Now a happy person is always happy no matter whom they are with, right?

Amazing. I really thought that one was just mine. He was utterly miserable - its no wonder I put it down to depression rather than an A.

OMG, atena....I got the same thing "She didnt want to have sex with a married man but i begged and begged and she finally did.."

So stupid....like that makes OW sound better...yeah...okay...

Me too! During his 2nd A, the one that broke the M, I thought he was seriously depressed (did not know of the A till one and half years after they had it going).
I used to call my mom and tell her how worried about WH I was and how depressed and unhappy he was....
I gave Wh countless phone #s of English speaking counselors to see for his depression and he pretended to be interested.
Now a happy person, a person in love would not be that depressed and unhappy right? He would not be selectively happy meaning: happy only when with OW and unhappy when with the rest of the world!!!
Well, I just hope she solved his problem and makes him happy every minute of the day now.

Oh, they think OW is a saint for saying they will not do married men.
This last one, the neighbor, told him that she would not accept him being with his wife and having sex with her (well he was with me and sleeping in the same bed for a year and half while also banging her).
SO he refrained because he could not cheat on her....
Glad she took such a looser out of my life; Thank you OW, enjoy the trophy

Ugh...so annoying...they just cant bring themselves to "CHEAT" on OW with their WIFE!!!! And suddenly OW would not accept him being with his own wife...so he doesnt...I will NEVER EVER get it...NEVER!

Oh get this, My WH took to answering the phone the last month before d-day like this:

"What now?"

Um, I was going to say hello?

It seems crazy that a spouse could turn into just a mess.
This thread and other 2 that have been bumped recently show us what the fog does.
Do the WSs ever de-fog? I know some do, but for the ones who do not, how can they continue having a regular life with that state of mind!!!
I wonder how self centered and entitled you have to keep being not to feel the devastation you caused!!!
My WH has a totally different life now, into sports, looking thing and tanned and not a worry in his head. He is apperently going to spend the summer at the beach morning to evening and seeing OW when he feels like it.
So, not a bad life for someone so foggy.
I guess they get into a mental stage of total detachement from other people's life that nothing effects them.
So, I am glad I am back in my power:

YOU have the power
to have a good day,
all day, every day,
unless
YOU give it to someone else.

And I also always remind myself of:

"Whatever action you are taking now you might not see results right away, until then do not resist what is"

Blessing

Got one...

ME: Why are you texting my H saying that you are in love with him!

OW: (high pitched) I didn't. But anyway, I do love him - as a friend.

ME: Are you saying I can't read?!

OW: (low and nasty) Dont patronise me Indie!!

Yes I suppose that is true, they detatch and feel they are free, until they are called on again to think of someone other than themselves, without getting an obviuos benifet right up front. You know, the ones when they have to give and not be appreciated right away, or God forbid, maybe never by the recieving party?

Yeah sometimes we have to trust God, or ourselves, that we did someting because it was right, even if we don't get appreciated.

Since this a dumb thing Waywards say thread. I thought I would include one from my foggy meesed up wife. She was now really in bad shape at the time, fallen heavily into addiction, and was living off/with her new best buddy Alchy/coke head. She called me on the phone looking for money, and had apparently had a fight with him, because she was complaining. I said to her.

ME- Im sorry but untill you come back and get into treatment and away from him and the drugs, I can't help you.
Her- All you have to do is get a house and a place for me to stay. Thats all you ever had to do.

I had a place she could come to, and untill she took off I had allways provided a place for us and the family. It was just more fogbabble attempting to make me guilty for letting her down so she could get money out of me. Heck she was using me more and more during the years so I guess she thought why not? Try again.

Then there was this time when she had him drop her off where I was working, and she was telling me about the argument they had, she said to him, "My husband has more integrity in his little finger than you have in your whole body!" I guess that was supposed to make me feel better. lol

Ok one more story. One day when I was driving her somewhere I got fed up with it, and because I was driving her by our church I decided to pull in and take her to her Pastor, (I will remind you that she would not go to AA claiming all she ever needed was her Pastor and God to stay clean when we recovered, yeah I should have stayed gone unless she went I know)

She was refusing to go in, and caught me with a backhand, that gave me a bloody nose outside the church, lol. Well I rang the bell anyways, and a friend of hers for years came out and talked with us. Someone she respected as taking no guff as a pastors wife, (Her family was military).

ME- "Hi XXX she is going to buy heroin and she needs to see Pastor, she needs help"
WW- "I am going to get a divorce and marry someone else"
Woman- "Well CP, what can you do if she is not ready? You can't force her right?"

That was it, A couple of days later I caught up with the pastors wife and she said to me,"Well we know what shes about now dont we?"

I have thanked her for being so frank a couple times in years past, it seems WW was one of pastors favorites and they had run out of grace with her. I just wish someone would have had the guts to warn me about how she was using grace as a lisence to Sin. I was living with the misunderstanding I did not know grace enough, or God enough for that matter. It seems she had this deal going on, she would be the wayward soul who screwed up and yet came back like the prodigal and testify and quote scripture. God save us from our would be saviors, it was a good act though, got me for a while, but it doesn't work in the long run. You can't destroy your meal ticket and have a healthy husband with self-respect, and all the BS will not stop God and reality from setting it straight.

Thanks for this one Atena

I hope so.

I ALSO got the line about how the other woman didn't want to have sex with him but he pressured her... moral fiber, that woman.

Yeah right. She just played her cards for keepsies.

Just this past week at a 4-way meeting between WSTBXH, attorneys and me when discussing custody:

Me: It was your choice to move 45 minutes away.
Him: You threw me out.
Me: Because you were having an affair in front of my face and would not stop.

Later, in response to me saying that one reason WSTBXH should not get 50/50 custody is because his schedule makes him work until at least 5 PM and I can be available all afternoons.

Me: Since we had DD five years ago, you could never come home before 5 PM because you had to work. (WSTBXH is now claiming he can get out of work at 3:30).
Him: I didn't come home because of this (pointing to me in disgust).

Note: 7 months prior at marriage counseling, WSTBXH repeatedly called me the model wife.

Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. They will say just about anything to get what they want for their crazy little world.

WH husband once told me that the best way for us all to get over this situation was to have a threesome with OW.

Why, yes! Of Course. Watching you **edit** her on video wasn't traumatic enough, now I can watch it in person.

Genious

WOW.

My WH did suggest similar, apparently ginge said that she wasn't that keen but she'd do it for him!!

Yes cos that would have helped!

Me: I will file at some point if you don't end your affairs and come home. Just in case you didn't know

WW: WHY?

bump for browneyedgirl

Okay, I have to add a couple...

"I'd never leave you if you were pregnant, maybe we should try to have a baby".

But my current fave...

"Because you always had a great meal on the table when I came home, and that is not what I wanted". Can I guess domestic support is not a top EN, or is skanky a rubbish cook?

I received similar fog babble from my H. When my h was fogged he actually complained that I kept the house TOO clean and tidy. So I stopped doing it and now he complains about the mess.

LOL!

Shows you can't win when waywards have weak boundaries with OPs.

bump

Oooh just thought of one.

So my h and I were supporting his best friend's widow and her two young children by dropping by and visiting when we could so she wouldnt be lonely.

The following exchange happened just after I had found out about their affair, but before they knew I had found out.

H tells me he is going to football practice, so I drop in on my friend the blackwidow.

Surprise! WH is there but this is how he greets me.

While sat back in an armchair, arms and legs spread like he owns the place, he goes:

"Tut! This is why it's bad for visitors come when the kids are going to bed. They're going to play up now."

Hello Fog brain!!!! You two are not a couple, they're not your kids, I am your wife and YOU ARE A VISITOR TOO!!!!

Dont know how I kept my mouth shut (actually it fell open a bit)Only the fact I didnt want them suspicious while I was snooping

Oh Indie, how did you keep your mouth shut??? You sure have willpower. At least when I was with WH in Australia I was still in the fog and didn't know what was going on, thought it was all just me. Now as the fog lifts I reflect on just how much fogbabble my WH was giving...

As WH was saying goodbye at the airport to board flight to London.
Me: "You don't have to get on that plane you know, you could stay and we could make each other happy, the past four days show that".
WH: "But I promised my boss I would go back, and you know I am a man of my word"
Me: No words, but mouth fell open as he has broken marriage vows.
WH noticing my reaction: "Well, I am usually a man of my word".

My favorite one was when my the WW told me....

"Why did I cheat? I had an affair because I wanted to prove I was grown up, I wanted to prove I was mature"

Uhhhh yeah. ok

V

The thing that I find even more astounding than the babble that they spew is that when the fog starts to lift they will have absolutely NO memory of saying any of these things.

My FWH flat out denies any of it and seems to be pretty shocked by what he said.

Is he gaslighting me?

Maybe they just don't want to remember saying/doing something so horrible.

Apparently quite normal, or so I have heard. My mom doesn't remember some of the things she said or did either. It is like invasion of the body snatchers.

Oh Celtic, this made me laugh, but I hope you were able to recognise it as nonsense at the time. Not always easy when they are spewing babble. Sounds like WW was trying to play dress ups!

I have another... they are rolling back to me now as I process things in Plan B!
WH on day he steps off plane in Australia to tell me it is over: "I am no longer sexually attracted to you" To any loving spouse I have to say my reaction was lost for words... ouch!!!

WH two weeks later taking me out on a date to discuss reconciliation: "Maybe we should get in the backseat (in car at the time) like old times".

Lets just say I proved his original theory wrong

But after going back to London and OW and dumping me again...
Me: "But what about our kissing, our intimacy before you left?
WH: "Oh,I knew that was going to bite me in the a#*!. That was just pressure from my family".
Funny I didn't see his sisters in the back seat....

Oh, and when I raised a great memory of a sexy weekend we had...
WH: "Not everything is about sex you know".

Guess he had to change his tune once we proved that he was sexually attracted to me!

I don't think so. I think after exposure they are scrambling to make sense of the fantasy as much as we are... In a different way. My fww doesn't remember things she said after DDay, but doesn't deny she said them. She admitted that the experience was so intense and that she just was so in the habit of spewing whatever out of her mouth that more often than not she would simply talk without thinking. BS's on the other hand are moving in the exact opposite direction... The exposure causes us to be extremely precise in our speech.

May 8th- Dday "it was only oral on him for last couple of years"

May 9th- day after dday "we've been sleeping together for many years"

"he made an ultimatum that for this weekly pay it must include (oral sex)" turns out he never said this.

"you should know that over the years, it was 90% of the time me taking care of him and 10% intercourse" yippee!!

"please consider I was using him as much as he was me" terrific image for me to think about

I like this one:


"He hit all the right angles... I had an orgasm 70% of the time...."

One night I had just about enough and said meet me in the bedroom...

Rocked her world and said... "An Orgasm like that?"

Her reply? "in retrospect, I never had an orgasm with him before, it was never like that, and he has always been boring compared to you (in bed)....

... 3 years and the hysterical bonding hasn't stopped. I fear I've created a monster....

Thanks, Karma, Scotland and CV. FWH seems sincere in not remembering but I just struggle with that. Seems odd to me.

Just remembered this one:


FWH: She was there for me. Where were YOU?

Me (BS): I was home taking care of the kids and cleaning your dirty toilets and knickers. Where were you?

.......Silence........

CV-

You made me blush.

mike

I have no fear of "competing."


I'm pretty sure anything I do beats 5-10 minutes in a mini-storage unit...

/facepalm

Pokerface, your FWH may be sincere. My IM (a long time friend) is a FWW who had an EA. At the time she was separating from her BH she was spouting so much fog babble to me (although I at the time didn't know about MB and just thought she was was acting crazy) She had only known OM for 3 weeks on holiday in another country and described him as her "soul mate", that she had never felt like that about anyone else, that she had never loved BH in that way, that BH and her were always "just friends". She has since happily reconciled with FBH, and can't remember the majority of this talk, especially about "soul mates", etc. She remembers that she felt there were some rather minor communication issues in her marriage that she simply exaggerated in her confusion and to justify her feelings... largely she was so shocked by her feelings for someone other then her BH that she assumed she must love the OM.

Luckily for her BH she cut all communication with OM during the separation to try to figure out her feelings of confusion, and her ultimate decision was she needed to put more effort into her marriage (and so did BH). A happy story, they now have a beautiful 3-year-old daughter, it can hapen! And now I am going through being a BW she is getting to see just how a devestating her continuing the affair would have been, I think she is grateful for her decision every time we speak / see each other.

Sorry! There's just some crazy stuff they say!

CV

Lol... this rings soooooo true!

I have said THAT VERY THING SO MANY TIMES!!!
And it's TRUE!!
Same person.....But SOMEBODY ELSE IS IN THERE!!!

As my fog lifts I continue to process the babble I have heard...

Me: "I need to make sure I eat some lunch, I'm losing too much weight".
WH: "Yes, I noticed that... do you think it is because you are happy now so not comfort eating?"

Truly, my mind boggles at how self-absorbed the WH can become, and the constant attempts to minimise the BS's pain.

I was just reading the first page of my thread, and I saw this little one about the wedding band my WH wore.

I had it pointed out to me, while we were at pool, that my WH had taken off his wedding band. I told him I needed to talk to him outside.

Me "You took off your wedding band?"

WH "Yes."

Me "When?"

WH "A week ago."(I remembered him playing with it 6 days earlier, and him almost taking it right off)

Me "Where is it?"

WH "I keep it safely in my pocket so I don't lose it."

Me "Give it to me." Said as calmly as possible, without many tears.

Really? Safely in his pocket? He could have left it ANYWHERE, like I dunno ON HIS FINGER. It hadn't been lost off of that finger for 12 years, I don't think there was much chances it was gonna crawl away.

Waywards and what they say and do while in the fog seems strange, until you see that they all share one brain.

This came out of OW piehole after I would no longer allow her to take my kids on trips to the zoo and other fun adventures in her attempt to steal the kids from me along with my DH.

OW: Lets leave "adult" issues to the adults and not break the kids spirit.

Me (in my head): Right, you sneaking around with their Dad and breaking up their family will not break their spirit in the least. That statement is so wrong on so many levels.

I've been reading here a long time and have never heard anything like this:

BW: I asked you not to bring back anything from your trips for me (I no longer travel with him since we are separated). I have told you before this is a trigger but you don't seem to take me seriously.

WH: The triggers are your fault! (he says angrily while pointing). You were the one who had to ask all the questions about my AFFAIRS. If you hadn't, this wouldn't bother you!

Just before my fww's 1st affair:

Friend: Did you think your H was sexy when you met him?

W: Sexy? I thought he was cute.

Friend: Cute like I wanna date him or cute like an ugly puppy dog cute?

W: Hahahahaha! Cute like an ugly puppy-dog, but he grew handsome!

Bump for Livensi and anyone else who needs a laugh for the weekend!

Thanks Caracal. This is such a great thread it really made my day.

I just got one from my H few mins back.

There is some event in his office for the kids of the employees. Poor H is scared to take the kid, cos of his A with a cowerker and the kid is well aware of that thanks to me. It seems H is scared the kid might tell something to his colleagues so did not take him and emails me that:
"poor kid stuck in the kinder garden now, thanks to you!"

Yep, ITS ALL YOUR FAULT he had the affair! AND told the truth about it. Glad the thread cheered you up Livensi, it really shows that very little that comes out of the wayward's mouth can be trusted. Black humour it may be, but gotta love it! Now... are you back to planning Plan B?

Bumping this thread has unleashed in my memory some crazy quotes from WH that I have been sitting on, trying to figure out if I got it wrong due to the total shock and denial going on at the time.... but no, now with Plan B and clarity I see it was total gaslighting.

After dumping me second time via phone from London...
Me: "But WH, before you flew out you told me we were NOT just having goodbye SF"
WH: "No, you said that meant nothing, no strings attached..."

For the life of me I can't remember saying that... but I think he really has convinced himself I said it as a means of justifying his behaviour.

And another one when my mother challenged him about being cruel when he didn't contact me after my first counselling appointment.
WH: "But I told her to ring me if she wanted to discuss it"!

Again, something that slipped my memory of events!

"Don't forget that in addition to the lies that liars tell you, there are lies that liars tell themselves. After a period of time passes, the liars begin to believe their own lies. Never forget: if they don't succeed in convincing you, they will convince a far more gullible subject, themselves.�

I have just read something so profound and eloquent that I simply had to post it here:

Between the wayward's promise and the fart, I know which one I'd rather be in a room with.

dat was deep, huh??

Very deep. Aristotle would have killed for a line like that!

bump

Lol, this thread is hilarious!

WH: Its either your way or the highway
Me: Oh really? Me wanting a faithful husband is my way or the highway?
(guess he better get packing then lol)

WH: Unless God puts it in my heart, I don't want anything to do with you.

WH: You broke our family by making those phone calls (due to me exposing, military-style)
Me: I broke our family? Me making some phone calls to your super broke our family? What about you sleeping with skank? That didn't break our family?

WH: The first time I "live" I get into trouble. Its just not fair. Other military members do this, and their wives don't turn them in.
Me: I'm not those other wives.

and my favorite...
WH: What I did is NOT a crime
Me: (in silence, thinking of the days when people used to get stoned for this)

oh wait...another one:

WH: you just can't let this go, can you?

He said this to me while having an active affair with military skank...I wonder why I can't let it go...hmm. I wonder if it has to do with the fact that he is sleeping with another woman and I just won't put up with that bull. Geeze, maybe there is something spectacularly wrong with me for not being able to just shake this one off....

I got told on my DDay :

"Oh well, get over it"

I love this one...

"he hit all the right angles"

Like he was a geometry teacher or something...

Or...

"I was so bored with the sex.. It was boring from the beginning. I used to pretend he was you sometimes..."

Um... ok, why didn't you just come home then?

After my DDay, I demanded no contact. OK, he agreed.
A few days later I found out they had spoken to oneanother. So I asked, "Have you communicated with Skank ?"
No, I have not seen her.
"Have you communicated with Skank ?"
No, I have not seen her
"Have you communicated with Skank ?"
No, I have not seen her.
"Have you communicated with Skank ?"
No, I have not seen her.

This went on a few more times.
I finally went on the computer and showed him the meaning of
communicated, his reply was.
"I didn't know that ment talking to her on the phone"

Well DUH !!!!!! What planet are you from ? Fog City, on planet Fog in the galaxy Fog, and there without a flash light or what ?

I seriously just LOL'd like crazy at this one, because I've done this too.

Me: Have you been sleeping with anyone?
WH: What?! NO! You are always bringing stuff up! Why can't you just let it go! I told you I have not been doing anything!!
Me: I show him HIS credit card statement that has the bill for two different hotels on them that he took unknown woman to.
WH: complete silence.

Dumbo. They always think we never find out.

Wow...!!!

Erika, I asked my WH about one of his hotel visits. I asked him again, were you sleeping with her. He replied "No we didn't sleep".

So what then were you doing, watching TV for the 2 hours you were actually in the hotel room for ?

Honeyandsage....

I asked WH the same thing about military skank. Would you believe he actually told me they didn't sleep together...but did "other things"

....
....
....
I wasn't born yesterday.

BUMP for newbies.
"SOS" different day.

With a straight face!!!!!!!!???

This is what my WW said to me last weekend:

Ok, no more lies. I just want to be honest with each other. I did buy a prepaid phone. I can't find it now. Do you have it? (I had asked her if she bought one and she denied it so I got the receipt and she still denied it)
I only bought it so you wouldn't keep checking the phone bill.

Me: Did you get another one?
Her: No. I promise, you can check if you want (adapted and used cash).

Me: DS said he saw you with it and you said it was your friend's phone.
Her: No I don't have one.

Me: Is DS lying?
Her: I don't have one.

Can I get off this merry go round please?

I'll toss one in.

After many attempts at trying to get WW to confess to A with my best friend, after my best friends W had observed his foot in my W's crotch while playing cards.

WW "I would never do anything with him, I think of him like a brother" Then why would you allow his foot in your crotch?

Me "you don't get so brazen as to rub each others crotches while playing cards with your spouses at the table, without having had sexual contact prior to that. More sexual contact had to have happened for you to eventually get brave enough and excited about doing that in front of us".

WW "it started with rubbing feet and just ended up at the crotch, there was nothing else that ever happened ever"...Under her breath, "other than several incidents that I just don't want you to know about like oral sex both ways, and a 3 month EA that included 1500 texts and 300+ minutes of talk time etc etc".

Oh, gee, I just thought of one to add.

This was not about WXH's affair, but it's just so crazy and it happened the last time I was totally alone with WXH. I have not repeated that experience.

WXH was raised in church and has been a regular church-goer most of his life. However, about 8 years ago he told me that the Bible is too full of contradictions and he could no longer believe what it said. He spent the rest of our marriage trying to convince me to agree with him. (While still going to church and maintaining his image as a fine, Christian businessman.) On a few occasions he tried to get the children to side with him, too.

But when I was stuck in an elevator alone with him during the divorce process, he told me that it was my fault he was no longer a believer. I didn't ever provide an adequate defense of the gospel.

How about,

I think you are trying to turn my friends against me and that is just not right.

my response: How am I doing that???

By telling them things that have happened.

You mean about your girlfriend?

Yes she has nothing to do with us

Briiinnnggg, this is nasa calling, the nutcase is in orbit

Lol, yeah, mommy!

WH: "If you really loved me, then you will let me go and be supportive of that decision. I think it is time you find a boyfriend."

WH: "I don't understand why you are angry with OW, none of this is her fault. She is a really good person"

This thread always gets me to choke on my coffee.

I got a variation of this too. Funny how a WH seems to want to play matchmaker to ease his guilt. Sadly at the time I was still reeling and didn't challenge just how weird this is.

All of the OW seem to be "good" and faultless. There must be some sort of checklist involved in choosing a skank.


Yep, there went the coffee!

"We could have had something if you would have left me alone."

"Let's keep this between you and me. No one else should be involved because its a private matter."

"Don't get him in trouble because he has a wife and kids to worry about."
(what about me and our kids?!)

Shocking. Nutso.

Here is mine....WXH said, 'this would have never happened if you had been giving me BJs.'

What??? That's crazy!!

Oh my word. Wow. Lucky I had already finished my coffee reading that one.

Yep. I swear. This was within a day or two of D-Day. Makes me laugh now but at the time I was devastated....thinking I could have prevented it all.

My dh had the exact same reaction when I told him.

Ok, well WW said about her AP, "yes he eis really overwieght, and I am worried about his health"

Yeah he drank daily and smoked coke and snorted it too.

Really he had nothing exept the drugs and loose morals to offer anyways, what a loser

Dreaming today about hurting him still, just would make me feel good to damage him severely, permanently, like the pain the kids feel for losing thier Mom, because of why? Because she was beatiful and could get away with anything with men?

Well all except me, but still hiding and lying and stealing behind my back while I worked myself sick...

Yeah she had issues, issues I begged and hoped she would get real help for, but this idiot added to her issues, and I would like to make hi
Pay

Thats what I love about this thread. That the crap that comes out of a wayward's mouth hurts and confuses so much at the time, but writing it down here and rereading it and what others have posted, just makes you realise what verbal diarrhea it is. Some need more toilet paper then others, but it is still the same crap.

Amazing what can be caused and prevented by a single BJ...

I know right. The power of a BJ.

Oh no you did---nt.....

"Dont think bad about him or think hes a bad person" - my FWW (after the OM got a ride from us, claiming he just stabbed someone)

This was before I found out for sure that he was banging my wife.

WH wants me to "live my life" and not have my life so wrapped around him [GAG]. He is truly narcissistic to think that I care where he is at on Friday nights. Oh, he thinks my life is so totally about him all day everyday that I MUST be spying on him (BARF).

He also said its ok if I date (he gave me his blessing lmbo) as long as the guy isn't a "raggedy" person.

See, it's stupid quotes like these where you realize the beauty of Plan B.

Ummm, like someone who would cheat, lie and abandon his wife and child to maintain the wayward lifestyle?

Ok, these are great. It really helps to read them. I was recently told by WW that...

"If you would have left when I told you to we would be reconciled by now"

No.... If I would have left when you told me to, OM would be living in my house now.

FWW: "I know you love me but you don't like me. I will work forever on the second part."

Its crazy but it just may work.

Mike, that one may actually be one of the most reasonable and sensible ones I've seen on this site and from my own personal, sordid memories.

Reminds me of the line from Shenadoah the movie worth Jimme Stewart

A young man came up and asked him for his daughters hand in marriage, Jimmie asked him, " Do you like her?"

The young man said "Like? I love her Sir!"

Jimmie said, " I have been married for 40 years since I was a young man to my wife, and I have not allways loved her, but I allways liked her"

Yep. I got this exact same thing from ww. Even down to the "get you someone else" part.

The craziest thing my H said was "you don't trust me!!!"

Not something that was said by my WW, but this was on one of their love making CD's. OM said he thought of her when he heard this:

You have got to b kidding.... billy joel???
how romantic

Smiling woman, does bj stand for billy joel, or bon jovi???

CV--

I lol'd while listening to that.
Wow!

Hey now! I love billy joel! Just wouldn't call it "groove music" of course Dingus McGee also put disney music on there...

I know. Special, right? She never paid attention to the words...

Yeah lol, if you add a boo hoo and such to my late wifes anger and drunken bitterness and denial, well there ya go

And it was all cleared up after I left her azz for two years, but I guess I shoulda stayed away, and insisted on AA

Of course she didn't need AA, and Jesus understood her. She had it like that with God don't ya know

Now I had a choice, get back together and be a father to my children, in a bad marrige, and be some sense of grounding for them, while praying for her removal of the cranium from her rectum, or leaving my kids to suffer

Dr H was an addiction counselor, is a Christian, and insists that people get counseling for addiction before he tries to treat marrige issues

A far cry from those who would rather keep people in thier sin, to control them

Yeah it's an evil world

Bump

One of my favorite threads of all time resurfaces!

My WW said pretty much everything on here plus these nuggets:

After exposure - "I feel angry right now that you didn't let me deal with this in a way that was...organic."

After "commiting" to MB and counseling with Steve - "I really need you to help motivate me with reading SAA...I've never been good with self help books."

After the poly ultimatum - "Fine. I'll do the poly, but I'm DONE with MB and Steve!"

After admitting to six different APs - said in a sipiteful, vengful tone "See? I told you that you didn't want to know the truth...does this make you feel better? Huh?!?!"

Shortly thereafter - "Of course he's your son! I have no doubt...why do you?"

Yikes

Thanks, AJJ.

I do appreciate someone who can find humor in a pile of compost like you did.

If I'm gonna laugh about it some day...might as well start now, right?

Just LOVE this thread...

Reminded me of the time my W said to me prior to me taking her to doctor's for STD testing, etc.

"Would you mind if OM showed up to the appointment, too?....if he did, it would show that he at least cared about me, and he's entitled to know what diseases he may have and not know about as well..."


I can ALMOST laugh at that one now....almost...

Here's a fun one.

"It was NEVER about HIM, it was about ME being unhappy"

crazy madness.

I heard this one too. Not only from my W, but from her step sister. What a POS

the one that sticks out in my mind:

"dont you think it (the A) was a good thing that happened?"

My answer is still the same.....NO!

OMG, Dad.

OW to me: Why don't you and WH come over for dinner so we can discuss this. I will get a babysitter in case things get heated.

Mike,

I think the good thing is that W remembered some of the crazy crap she said and apologized for it all -- wondered how I put up with it and got through it.

I try to remember the person who said those things doesn't exist any more, and they were just words....words...

Kinda stuck out to me, cuz my late WW would talk about the word of God, and make her focus on it, and talk was cheap..

But to the faithful, I think it was the action of God that backed up the words, that really matters.

Yes thoughts, then expressed in words,and then actions, you don't have to be a bible scholar to actually see the truth.

This thread full of the babble spouted by waywards, reminds me of the club of aliens, that we all are glad we don't belong to, and that actions speak louder than words.

Its true, truth is stranger than fiction

Yeah fogged out to the max

My two favourites (/sarcasm) are the twins:

(Cue whiny voice)

Why can't you trust me?
You'll never be able to trust me (again).

The latter said with emphasis to imply its the BS's shortcoming...

A fun one he said today:

Him:
I am really sorry for the pain I've caused you
Me:
Tonight while you're in our home you are. And then when you're with her tomorrow night, you're won't be. I'm sorry I cannot believe you.
Him:
I really am, even if I'm not willing to do anything about it right now, gnight

OK, I'll join in. From my WH
"Even if it wasn't for (skank), or marriage still wouldn't be good"

Ummmm, so you took a little bad and added a whole lot of worse in there, did'tja?

Oh, I have another that I forgot about. This one was repeated multiple times in the last 6 wks, most recently last wk.

Him:
Once I decide that I'm ready to try to save this marriage, I won't be like this to you. I'll be nice, I'll want to make time to see you and do what you listed to me (my boundaries and criteria for trying to R), but right now, I don't care. I'm sorry I don't, but until my heart is willing I don't. - he actually said that in therapy!!
Me (and the therapist):
What do you think it is that is going to make you decide, what are you looking for?
Him:
I don't know, it's all something I just have to feel. I'll know when I feel it, it's nothing you (me) can do.
Therapist:
What are you doing to help identify "the feeling" and what are you doing to try to have that feeling with (me)?
Him:
Blank stare -
Its not something I will do, it's something I have to feel.

And then the therapist looked a bit like he knew he was talking to an insane man and started speaking in an even more modulated voice. Sigh.

This was last week before I knew for sure that he hasn't ended the affair as he said he did a month ago. Needless to say, we are no longer in MC right now as its pointless.

Ussually thats the formula

Just like people "expect" for everything to just fall in place. Don't worry, you don't have to work on your marriage, it should just come naturally. Yeah right.

Often told my friends and family, being totally honest."If my mind din't jump to conclusions, it wouldn't move at all"

we are ever learning, but it is not easy. Who said it was supposed to be?

I still love this thread. It was a real turning point for me to learn the man I had known and loved was not in some unique romance, but just acting like all other waywards.

I've already posted Gollum's best ones, but during recent events another one came up that I hadn't really considered as foggy at the time.

Gollum: You really shouldn't have said yes when I asked you to marry me.

Guess even his marriage proposal became my fault...

bump

Ok youi lot get the message from a newbie BS,

Sadly I have accept my WH is a very rude word I can't use on this website.

Here mine;

I don't see it as an affair, it started after I left, in my mind the marriage was dead.

She is not a bad person, she is innocent, our marriage was in trouble before I left.
(this innocent person went on the holiday booked for us with my WH, the week of our anniversary, fully knowing he had only left 2 weeks before mmmmm)

You would like her, perhaps in time we can all be friends. ahhhhhh!

Elleyce, I also heard these very same words! I wonder if he realizes how idiotice he sounded?

I followed WHpastor, tried to check cell phone & laptop usage and when he found out he reasoned, "You obviously have a control issue and won't respect me or submit to me like the Bible tells you to. I know you won't ever change and I think we need to separate."

No sir, you wanted to separate to have more private time with your OW.

During one of our conversations, Pastor confessed to me that he did in fact sometimes entertain sexual thoughts and fantasies about being with POSOW. He followed it up with, "But you need to know that I've thought things like that about you much, much more."

Aawwww shucks. What a sweetheart you are Pastor! I feel so much better now.

My W told me "He is a really nice man. Why couldn't you been that way? I hope you and him can be friends someday. I didn't sleep with him until I had left you. I hope you are not mad at me for leaving"

I have one.

One of WH's OW's was 'the one who got away' from HS. After years of hearing about her and how great she was, I finally met her. At introduction I thought to myself...this is IT? I am 5'10 size 6 and and have been told my entire life I should be a model, not that looks matter to me. She is maybe 5'0 and kinda cute but a cheerleader type with an annoying voice. Certainly not what I was expecting considering he had compared me to her forEVer.

That was the night they exchanged phone #'s and started their EA.

Later, after I found out about it, I told him how 'unimpressed' with her I was when I met her. He said that he too was unimpressed, that he was embarrassed by the introduction because he WANTED HER TO IMPRESS ME. Because I was his wife and friend and he valued my opinion, so therefore he wanted this girl he had a crush on to impress ME, like bringing a girl you really like around your friends and hoping they all think she's hot... He was disappointed that when standing side by side, there was no comparison and he knew I knew it. His bubble was burst, kinda.

Not enough for him to stop himself from started an A with said unimpressive girl. It is all about fantasyland and not reality I guess.

I should have added my W said "you know how nice he is. He introduced himself to you at the picnic remember?" He did introduce himself to me and shook my hand. I told my W that I didn't think me being friends with the man that was screwing my wife was going to happen.

i do not want to make light of words from a WS to a very hurting BS, but this one should come at least in the top 3:

i didn't want to have sex with her. she made me go to her hotel room and raped me!

(ok, may not have it verbatim, but that was the gist.)

feel free to add the emphasis on "want," "made," and "raped" as you read it aloud in your heads.

don't even get me started on a WS using rape in this context as an excuse for waywardness. grrrrr.

Oh. My. Word!!!

The poor guy, such a victim. I hope he reported it. Wonder what the police would have made of that...

I am the bs of letty's comment above.

A) he worked there
B) he did report it
c) this wasn't the actual OW, it was a co-worker and its what brought all of his bad behavior to a halt, with him heading straight to intense counseling.

I'm not trying to stir trouble but if I thought it was something ridiculous to be posted I would have came to this thread and posted it myself.

I came for advise about how to grieve my situation and recover when he has these issues that I don't want to belittle but also want to recover properly.

Not sure what "support" I received as my extremely tender situation was poked fun at. But for what it is worth I will press on because I do feel that several of you offer decent support here. Just wanted to defend my statement a little.

H45,

I assure you that your situation is not being made fun of. Rather in this thread it is often pointed out just how crazy the things that go through ppls minds, and then what comes out thier mouth.

I pray for your recovery and hope that you guys can look back on that stuff and laugh..something like.."Yeah baby, I said that didn't I? I was nuts"

It just happens that the stuff ppl do, and the crazy thoughts, that make no sense, happen to be funny from another point of view when you are not directly effected, or it is something long ago put behind you.

This thread was intended I believe for just that purpose in mind, to show others they are not alone in the crazy things they hear, and to help them put the stupid crap behind and yes, maybe even laugh at it.

Sorry you feel the brunt of a joke. Believe me you are not, and we all take marriage very seriously here, and this site is a great place for healing and introspection. Hang in there

Oh yeah..thinking of Flip Wilsons "geraldine"..The Devil made me do it!


They would laugh their azzs off in private. At least I hope so. But it is never funny to a spouse, who now feels like a failure because they could not protect them...(Umm they wanted to be protected right?) I mean..it is now the spouses fault that they strayed right?

Just not funny really, but neither is slapstick if you really are the one getting slapped.

oh home, i really wasn't making fun of you. i have posted several of my own WHs comments on this thread. as CP said, seeing what other WSs say, and how very much alike they are, is a bit of a help, really. nearly every BS that arrives here thinks their WS is a unique case (me too). they aren't. they are all eerily the same in word and deed. i'm very sorry that i hurt your feelings.

Home, I am sorry that my reply to Letty upset and offended you.

I really am.

I responded unaware of your own sitch, having not read your thread. I responded to the post as this entire thread is about crazy statements waywards make. I have posted my share of what WH said. I found this thread helped me understand I was not the only one on the receiving end of cruelty and the black humour helped me process a devestating betrayal.

I hope you keep posting. MB and the posters here have helped heal me. I would never belittle a BS's grief; this thread is designed to highlight a WS's fog. That is what I responded to.

Yes, that is the truth. We are lead to believe we are special too, to slay the dragons,(they do exist in the minds realm of imagination), and our union is special and different

But on this site, much of what we should be battling for in our marriage, is revealed, and also the battles within ourselves and our assumptions also

Always learning, and reaching up, with our feet firmly on the ground

It surely stretchs the mind and builds character, (even after it seems to make you into a character)

So getting blamed for other peoples actions is so much part of this thread, and the fertilizer that they shovel

Stick around things will get better

Today...:-)

WS: Now you're blackmailing me..!
BS: Bla.. WHAT? Huh? How..?
WS: You're saying I have to leave home if I don't stop my affair...
BS: <speechless>