Marriage Builders
Posted By: iamwhole chronic cheater worth it? - 02/14/10 11:13 PM
I wish I had found you months ago. I appreciate the quality of the meathod prescribed here and the soundness of the advice given on the forums. Thank you!

We are not married and I have just read about the renting-vs-owning. Therefore, if you feel I am in the wrong place, I understand. I would like to add that we did make a verbal committment to be monogomous with each other, and to be committed to making our relationship work as through we were married. We have lived together only a year.

My D day was in Nov while he was out of town. He denied everything, still does, but told me he would brake off all contact with OW. I am in the detective stage and have some proof of his lying and am gathering more proof.

I have found that he is a chronic cheater. His first wife while in his 20s. He visited "massage parlours" during his 3rd marriage. He had an A with this same OW during his previous relationship. In fact, he cheated on her while they were together. There's more. He is in his mid 50s.

OW lives out of state. He wants us to relocate to her area. He is from there originally.

When I confront next time I will play by the rule as outlined in this site. (I'm so thankfull to have a stategy). If he refuses to confess, bye bye. I think he will say he wants to work it out. Then we will do the steps, no contact letter, plan A, yadda yadda.

In your experienced opinions, and given these conditions, do you think it is worth the effort? Other than lying about contacting this OW (I consider forwarded emails contact, I'll access his online cell phone statements Tuesday), he is nearly perfect!

Also, how much of my sources do I reveal during the confrontation. He will want something to validate my accusation. I did not reveal everything I knew last time, but what I did, he carefully covers up now.

Yeah, it's classic!
Posted By: MelodyLane Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 02/14/10 11:24 PM
iamwhole, marriage is very different from dating. The latter are tentative and the former are life-long committments. Dating is a temporary arrangement that is meant to be a job interview for marriage. When the candidate lies and cheats in the job interview, that should be a knock out factor.

For some reason, we women mistakenly believe we can change men after we marry them. We CANNOT.

This man is clearly not marriage material. He might have been fun as a short term boyfriend, but it would be a huge mistake to enter any kind of committment with him. You would be damning yourself to a life of hell if you did.

Run for your life while the getting is good.
Posted By: iamwhole Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 02/14/10 11:28 PM
Thank you for your quick response. Be thinking of me Tuesday evening during the confrontation.
Posted By: Tabby1 Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 02/17/10 03:52 PM
Nevertheless, chronic cheaters are NOT worth it, especially since you haven't even invested in a marriage yet. Why pay full price for a brand new car when it's already been in several wrecks?
Posted By: iamwhole Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/20/10 12:52 AM
Well, I just wanted to thank you once again for all the good stuff you have around here.

Thanks to your expert instruction on covert operations, I was able to track HIM trying to re-establish contact with OW again. It was all so perfect, actually. There were two calls on his bill that he initiated, each a month apart.

To back up a bit. He was diagnosed with colon cancer in April and had a successful surgery to remove it without any other treatment. Another former girlfriend called and he explained it was because she found out about his illness and was just concerned. I asked how we should handle the OW trying to contact him when she finds out. Oh, he already called her. He doesn't know that I know that he actually called her twice and there was a text.

We make an agreement. She will be expecting a follow up. He promises no more calls ever (yeah right, we have all heard that one before). Please don't beat me up over this, but I offer for him to make that one follow up call as long as it is in my presence. That was the courtesy I gave him when I had to make arrangements for returning discovered title docs belonging to an ex.

Okay, two calls on his statements.

He went over on his minutes this month and was squawking to the high heavens. I was in the room while he was checking his call history. I pretended not to notice his call to her on the online statement. I checked our land line and he forgot to delete an addition call. Woopsy!

Today he comes home from work and tells me he has to call OW adult son, he has to do a favor. I can't believe the timing. I think God loves me!

He thinks I am upset over him calling the OW son. Well, yeah, but I do let him know I saw his statement when he was online. Enter lame a$$ excuse! "She tried to FaceBook friend me and I called her to tell her we can't have contact". I ask about the call on the land line caller ID. Can you believe it! Same lame a$$ excuse! So, I ask, she Face Book friends requests you two weeks in a row and you have to call her tell her twice not to do that? Hmm. I don't think so!

He THINKS he is moving out because of two little phone calls. (I never revealed knowing about the third because he doesn't know I can access his statements and he only admits to what he is confronted with). I can't get him to acknowledge or apologize for breaking an agreement of this magnitude. Why am I so surprised? He never admited to the affair to begin with.

OMG he just called me! I only answered beacause I thought it was his mom. Damn caller ID and her having five phone numbers. He is at her house and she is out of town. I have all her phone number programmed in my phone to say "Mom".

ALRIGHTY NOW! I'm going to stop this rambling. I'm NOT a rambler! I'm heartbroken and I'm scared and I know he is wanting to come back (really? already? it's hasn't even been an hour!)and I am asking for some strength.

I again thank you. If it wasn't for you, I would not have gotten this far and maybe married the blankety blank!!!




Posted By: MountainClimber Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/20/10 02:38 AM
MelodyLane said: "For some reason, we women mistakenly believe we can change men after we marry them. We CANNOT."

According to the Bible, the unbelieving man (chronic cheating, lying, louse) is sanctified by the believing woman (and vice versa). So technically, if you are Christian, and you are in God's good grace of course, you CAN change your husband. Not directly, because only God can do that, but through worship of the one who made your husband.

Furthermore, if you are Christian, you must also believe your God when he says NO MAN is beyond redemption. ANYONE can be saved. ANYONE. Even the unholiest of vermin locked in our prison system for heinous crimes. Even more startling is the fact that your sins, things you do that you probably don't even know are sinful, are every bit as sinful as your husbands transgressions.. you just don't know it.. because you don't know the Word and hence you don't know what God considers sinful.

It all sounds rather grim doesn't it? But fear not. For if you and your husband get your butts to church, seek Christian counseling, get upright with God, get married, get Christian accountability partners you can share fellowship with, and truly stay the course and grow in your faith together, both you AND your husband, no matter what your past transgressions, will be saved. Period.

So in sum, is a chronic cheater worth it? Well, with God or without God? Without God? Nope [and incidentally without God you aren't worth it either no matter how loyal you are in relationships]. With God? Absolutely, for anything is possible with God. He doesn't hit foul balls. Only homeruns

God bless and good luck
Posted By: Enlightened_Ex Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/20/10 02:59 AM
No, a chronic cheater is not worth it, there are 3 billion men on the planet, chose again.
Posted By: Alcoholic's Wife Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/20/10 03:31 AM
Amen, mountainclimber; there is nothing that God cannot do.
Iamwhole, praying for you .
Posted By: iamwhole Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/20/10 04:01 AM
Thanks guys! I'm feeling a little weak and this helps.
Posted By: iamwhole Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/20/10 04:57 AM
I can't sleep!

Why oh why do I have doubts and think that maybe just maybe I made a mistake!?!

Posted By: Enlightened_Ex Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/20/10 10:35 AM
Yet she is not married to him and scripture is clear we are not to be yoked to an unbeliever. I believe that would extend to those claiming to be believers but living otherwise.

I agree, God can do anything. I've also lived through a divorce where God sat back and did nothing that was effective in winning a wayward wife back to the marriage.

So given my experience, given how just because God CAN do anything doesn't mean He will, I still stand by my recommendation that since she's not married to this guy, there is no reason to pursue a relationship with him.

There are better guys out there.

Men and Women may be able to provide a Godly influence. God can change anything He wants. But God also provides each of us with free will. Therefore, the person who needs to change has to want it for change to happen. Not because God can't, but because God won't violate free will.

Originally Posted by MountainClimber
MelodyLane said: "For some reason, we women mistakenly believe we can change men after we marry them. We CANNOT."

According to the Bible, the unbelieving man (chronic cheating, lying, louse) is sanctified by the believing woman (and vice versa). So technically, if you are Christian, and you are in God's good grace of course, you CAN change your husband. Not directly, because only God can do that, but through worship of the one who made your husband.

Furthermore, if you are Christian, you must also believe your God when he says NO MAN is beyond redemption. ANYONE can be saved. ANYONE. Even the unholiest of vermin locked in our prison system for heinous crimes. Even more startling is the fact that your sins, things you do that you probably don't even know are sinful, are every bit as sinful as your husbands transgressions.. you just don't know it.. because you don't know the Word and hence you don't know what God considers sinful.

It all sounds rather grim doesn't it? But fear not. For if you and your husband get your butts to church, seek Christian counseling, get upright with God, get married, get Christian accountability partners you can share fellowship with, and truly stay the course and grow in your faith together, both you AND your husband, no matter what your past transgressions, will be saved. Period.

So in sum, is a chronic cheater worth it? Well, with God or without God? Without God? Nope [and incidentally without God you aren't worth it either no matter how loyal you are in relationships]. With God? Absolutely, for anything is possible with God. He doesn't hit foul balls. Only homeruns

God bless and good luck
Posted By: MelodyLane Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/20/10 01:09 PM
Originally Posted by MountainClimber
MelodyLane said: "For some reason, we women mistakenly believe we can change men after we marry them. We CANNOT."

According to the Bible, the unbelieving man (chronic cheating, lying, louse) is sanctified by the believing woman (and vice versa). So technically, if you are Christian, and you are in God's good grace of course, you CAN change your husband. Not directly, because only God can do that, but through worship of the one who made your husband.

According to the Bible we should not be "unequally yoked with unbelievers" and have no fellowship with darkness:

Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? 2 Corinthians 6:14-17

No, she cannot change her husband against his will. Not even God changes a person against his will; they must come to him willingly.

Posted By: MelodyLane Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/20/10 01:11 PM
Originally Posted by Enlightened_Ex
No, a chronic cheater is not worth it, there are 3 billion men on the planet, chose again.

Agree. Lets use some common sense here. A chronic cheater is not marriage material. We are supposed to use some common sense and discretion when choosing a marriage partner.
Posted By: Vibrissa Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/20/10 01:23 PM
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Agree. Lets use some common sense here. A chronic cheater is not marriage material. We are supposed to use some common sense and discretion when choosing a marriage partner.


Also agreed - If we're going to bring God into the mix, God helps those who help themselves.

This man has not demonstrated any desire to change. He has no desire to 'help himself'. YOU cannot change him or create that desire within him. No amount of praying will cause God to remove his right to make his own choices.

It's time to move on.
Posted By: princessmeggy Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/20/10 01:43 PM
Originally Posted by MountainClimber
For if you and your husband get your butts to church

They're not married. If you want to get biblical about it, I don't see where the original poster states that she is a Christian. If she is, then she's playing a dangerous game because the Word clearly states not to be unequally yoked.

To the original poster: You are not married to this man. Run for the hills and work on yourself and fix your picker. Figure out why you are willing to accept crumbs. Hopefully you don't have any children with this man.
Posted By: iamwhole Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/20/10 03:35 PM
Correct; not married.
Correct again; non-Christian.

I do understand that MB is built upon Christian principles and my own values are more aligned with this program than others that are more individual oriented. It's makes sense to me intelectually and works methodically. I know couples who have working relationships, and after going through the articles on this site I would periodically have an ah ha moment. What I had seen in the world was articulated in a way that gave me understanding. Also, I expect the majority of people on this forum to be Christians. Therefore, I also expected to be quoted scripture prior to posting.

Knowing where everyone stands here on the marriage status, I wanted to be honest about my situation. This is MARRIAGE builders and I am not married. I took the risk that you may not communicate with me at all.

Oh, but he wants to get married now! He brought it up yesterday when I made him leave. It was rather pathetic, actually!

Oh, no children together.

Run for the hills I am just as fast as my little legs can carry me!

The next step, which I expect him to try to use to his advantage in prolonging this, is getting him to move out all his "stuff" and his pet. I will see him today. We work together. Argg! I will let him know that he needs to have his things out by the 1st, when storage units become available. After that, anything left behind will go on Craigslist.
Thank you Meggy and Vibrissa. A specail thank you to you Melody. Your posts have been helpful even in the other threads.
Posted By: MelodyLane Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/20/10 03:50 PM
Originally Posted by iamwhole
Run for the hills I am just as fast as my little legs can carry me!

Smart woman!! You have raised the price on yourself and your self esteem thanks you. hurray
Posted By: Vibrissa Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/20/10 03:52 PM
Originally Posted by iamwhole
Run for the hills I am just as fast as my little legs can carry me!

The next step, which I expect him to try to use to his advantage in prolonging this, is getting him to move out all his "stuff" and his pet. I will see him today. We work together. Argg! I will let him know that he needs to have his things out by the 1st, when storage units become available. After that, anything left behind will go on Craigslist.


GOOD for you for standing up for yourself.

The nice thing about MB is that, while yes, Dr. H is Christian and there are Christian principles in MB, it isn't OVERTLY Christian. That's because it focuses on what makes a good marriage, and those of faith and those who aren't are EQUALLY capable of having a good marriage.

Just 'gettin your butt to church' doesn't make for a good marriage.

Knowing what makes a good marriage, and actively working with that knowledge makes a good marriage.
Posted By: princessmeggy Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/20/10 04:52 PM
Quote
Just 'gettin your butt to church' doesn't make for a good marriage.


Yeah, just ask Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggart and a few others I can't remember right now.

Sorry I couldn't resist. smile
Posted By: iamwhole Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/20/10 07:30 PM
OMG!

I just got to work about 30 min ago. I'm just getting settled in. He calls me when I am checking in to ask me to marry him! I am having one of the longest anxiety attacks I have had yet. Of course the answer is no, I just don't understand where this intense fear is coming from.

He is scheduled in a couple hours and I am a scared little rabbit to see him.
Posted By: Vibrissa Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/20/10 07:51 PM
He's scared he is really going to lose you. He's trying to reel you back in.

Stay strong. Breathe. Be calm. You can make it through this.

You're afraid because a big change is coming. You're coming to that fork in the road, you know which path you wanna take and who ISN'T gonna be with it when you take it.

You aren't a rabbit. You're the fox - you're gonna out smart him.
Posted By: suamico Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/20/10 07:53 PM
Originally Posted by iamwhole
OMG!

I just got to work about 30 min ago. I'm just getting settled in. He calls me when I am checking in to ask me to marry him! I am having one of the longest anxiety attacks I have had yet. Of course the answer is no, I just don't understand where this intense fear is coming from.

He is scheduled in a couple hours and I am a scared little rabbit to see him.
Keep reminding yourself why you called it quits. Put a rubber band around your wrist and snap it every time you even think about taking him back.
He called you and asked you to marry him? You know why. He didn't even give it a full try. Think about it, if he really wanted to marry you and was truly sorry and committed he would have made a stronger effort to express his commitment. No ring, no flowers no thought out romantic plan? You are only worth a phone call to him. Well, at least it wasn't an e-mail or a text. MrRollieEyes You deserve better. Thank your lucky stars you didn't marry him.
Posted By: suamico Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/20/10 08:06 PM
Originally Posted by iamwhole
I am having one of the longest anxiety attacks I have had yet. Of course the answer is no, I just don't understand where this intense fear is coming from.

He is scheduled in a couple hours and I am a scared little rabbit to see him.
Your fear and anxiety are perfectly normal. You will have to walk through your fear. I remember way back when I was younger I was in a long term relationship. I suspected he had cheated, he did barely enough to keep me on the hook. He even asked me to marry him. The relationship lasted 4 years, we were engaged for 2 of those years. I did finally end the relationship and he did everything he could to win me back. (Including faking he had leukemia) I went through all the emotions you are going through. What helped me was keeping busy with friends. What made the process longer and more painful was keeping contact with him. You have to cut off all ties with him. Looking back I now know the relationship lasted years longer than it should have. I met my husband about 2 years later. I needed that time for me and I am glad I had it.
Posted By: iamwhole Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/20/10 08:26 PM
Okay, okay, I'm getting my grips. Whew!

The audacity! A phone call. At my work!

Thanks for the fox thought and the rubberband trick. I'm not using the rubberband as suggested. Instead, I think "his name" hurts! snap! Sure enough wink

I'm asking for point blank advise now. Please know how much I appreciate you all!

I never let out all my sources of info when I first confronted in Nov. I have email print outs saying "I can't wait to see you" before his out of town trips and phone records showing he was in the town she lives in not the town he was supposed to be in. I also found a very lusty love poem by another friend he says he never had sex with. It is dated 3 years before we met, it's the fact of another lie that I take issue with.

Anyhow, he never admitted to the affair to begin with. I know, I know, I did it all wrong. It was before I found you.

Should I show him the documentation? It will reveal that I have his email and cell phone statement passwords.
Posted By: iamwhole Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/20/10 08:34 PM
@ suamico: I know about the dragging it out thing. That's why after 2 weeks, what is left goes on Craigslist. I don't need him dropping by to pick things up he intentionally leaves behind.
Posted By: princessmeggy Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/20/10 08:35 PM
Quote
Should I show him the documentation? It will reveal that I have his email and cell phone statement passwords.


Why? I thought you were running away as fast as your little legs will carry you.

Are you done or not? If you are, you need to block ALL communications with him. If you aren't, then good luck to you.
Posted By: SapphireReturns Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/20/10 08:35 PM
It wont matter now, he knows all the lying and cheating he has done but it wont change a thing, he will still DENY DENY DENY!

You are way better off with out this man, he's been married 3 times? Ya that would be an automatic RED FLAG for me laugh
Posted By: iamwhole Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/20/10 08:40 PM
I am running and he is in hot pursuit!

He has a housefull of things at my place and a pet. That's why I gave the 2 weeks. I don't see how it can be over TODAY!

He will also be in to work in about an hour. I'm willing to quit if I have to.

I'm just trying to be smart. Thanks again all!
Posted By: Vibrissa Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/20/10 08:48 PM
Originally Posted by iamwhole
I never let out all my sources of info when I first confronted in Nov. I have email print outs saying "I can't wait to see you" before his out of town trips and phone records showing he was in the town she lives in not the town he was supposed to be in. I also found a very lusty love poem by another friend he says he never had sex with. It is dated 3 years before we met, it's the fact of another lie that I take issue with.


No point. There is nothing to say. Anything you bring up will give him the thought that he can 'explain' and 'reason' his way back in. You confronting him only provides him an opportunity to argue and gaslight you - to try to persuade.

There is no persuading. You are done. Thus, no point in bringing it up. You don't need to explain yourself to him. You don't need to give him a chance to explain.

Tell him it is over, you're done, you have no interest in pursuing a relationship with a man who thinks so little of you and treats you as he does.

Stick hard to that 2 week deadline.

Disentangling after living together is difficult. Hold your ground.
Posted By: iamwhole Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/20/10 08:53 PM
Thanks Vibrissa! Good stuff.

I don't mean to lean so heavily, I just don't feel like I can think straight.
Posted By: Vibrissa Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/20/10 09:09 PM
No worries - lean away, sometimes you can't trust the thoughts in your own head, cuz you're too close to the issue. It's wise to lean on the counsel of others who are removed from the situation.
Posted By: iamwhole Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/21/10 01:04 AM
Work is going better than expected. Only a few casual encounters.

May I go off topic while I am thinking about this?

Anytime I am stressed like I was today, and yesterday for that matter, I emit this sour odor. It's in my skin, all over. It's embarrassing. I first noticed it around D-day. It returns every time I have had a trigger and agian now.

What is this?
Posted By: iamwhole Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/21/10 02:29 AM
He had to come by after work to walk the dog, of course.

I asked him if he thought it would be fair for him to find another place for his "stuff" within 2 weeks. I get "I don't know, I will try". I ask what would prevent him from getting a storage unit by 2 weeks. Before he can use cost as an obstacle I interupted with "they are only $55". He only sighs so I ask again. He looks at me with those pleading eyes and answers with "help", like he hasn't a friend in the world. I said, "I'll help". He got mad and left. I'm gonna help by rounding up some of his friends. I refuse to move a thing. I feel like it's cleaning up his mess.

Thanks for getting me through today. See you in 2 weeks!
Posted By: thndrnltng Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/21/10 05:49 PM
Generalities are really just, well, general, but...since most people wear their best "faces" before they get married, and unmask afterwards, I'd run like crazy from a man for whom this behavior is his "best face." You're very wise.

tl
Posted By: schoolbus Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/21/10 10:53 PM
iamwhole,

He asked you to marry him because:

1. This is what he believes you want.
2. This is a carrot he can dangle in front of you that will buy him some time.
3. This will distract you from what the REAL PROBLEM IS - which is HIS CHEATING.
4. He believes that if you are focused on being engaged, it will make his ability to cheat easier because you will forget about the OW for a little while at least. You will now focus on getting....a ring, talking about the engagement, calling your friends....and he looks good....at least for a bit.
5. He believes that right after the engagement things wears off, he can distract you again with thinking about setting a date for a marriage he knows will never happen because




he will delay it


he will insist on moving somewhere
or
buying a house that he can never decide on
or
thinking about getting married "when you have enough saved up"
or
that date won't work because the potato harvest in oklahoma ....


DO YOU GET IT?????


The marriage thing is garbage.


It is his way of throwing

HIMSELF A LIFE PRESERVER.

It has nothing to do with you.


Ask his first wife, or second wife, or third wife....pick a number.



Or, ask his first other woman, or his second other woman, or third....

PICK A NUMBER.


I hope you are beginning to see a pattern here.


He is currently wearing the "best face of the day", because this is a man who wears whatever face works for HIM.


If you marry him, you will be back here in less than one month, complaining that he never even quit the affair during your engagement.

I will have no sympathy for you then. Because you would have walked in with your eyes completely open.

YOU KNOW THIS ALREADY.

Do not second guess your decision to run away from him. Because running back to him is like choosing to run head on into a speeding train.

You will lose.


SB
Posted By: Just Learning Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/22/10 06:13 AM
iamwhole,

Ok, I will admit to being very very frustrated reading your thread. I will also admit that I am a male and that I am in my 60's and have seen quite a bit in my time. Phew, breath in, breath out...there I feel better.

So admitting to all of this let me ask you:

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING??????

Seriously, you are dating a serial cheater, a serial liar, and you feel sad???? You are the luckest woman on this planet and you feel sad????

iamwhole, you are NOT whole if you think this man is worth your time or your life. Your life would be better spent by yourself than in the pain and deceit he will bring into your life. You are just another foolish female in an apparent long line of foolish females for him.

I am soooo frustrated with you because I have known guys like this all of my life and they are worthless users of people all they do is spread misery to other people while they use them for their own satisfaction and when they are finished...they leave.

Please, please wake up and realize that your life is worth more than this useless jerk.

Please do some reading on boundaries and specifically your boundaries. There is a book by Cloud and Townsend on Boundaries that you should read.

Listen to the other folks here if you don't believe me, but get rid of this guy now!

God Bless,

JL
Posted By: disgustedandsad Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/22/10 05:06 PM
Please listen to JL.

Separate from him, and grieve the loss of who he should have been BUT NEVER WILL BE.

Then work on you. YOU deserve it.
Posted By: iamwhole Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/28/10 12:03 AM
Vibrissa, I thank you again about your reference to the fox. It is what got me through this week of one attempted manipulation after another.

I'm avoiding him like the plague. I do not answer his calls or return them. He has left message after message after message. I see him at work and that can't be helped.

So. Last night after work, he comes by to walk his dog and pack a box. I'm not home. He leaves a sweet little poem for me on the kitchen table and I see the moron has forgotten his cell phone by the computer. Perfect. I would like to delete all pictures of me anyway. While I am there. I find texts, pictures, and videos, to and from OW, all very seductive, if you get my drift, and picture texts of an unknown nude woman.

I was a little bit cocktailed and decide I wanted revenge. I email his mom to let her know what I found and that I will be forwarding the pictures to her. I said before that God loves me. I accidently deleted her cell number from my phone when he was calling from her house. By the time I realized I could just forward them from his phone (duh) I think better of it. It really was mean spirited and I am glad for the intervention.

However, there was the email and she confronted him. He confessed to me today, and told me that I was not crazy, and he was very sorry. I accepted his apology and told him his friend would be over at 9AM to move his things out. Also, the storage rental has space available. He was truly amazed that everthing was all set.

The company I work for is going out of business in four days. I am making arrangements to move to the south to be with my widowed father. Talk about moving on.

I have recommended you to my 3 married children as a preventive measure in sustaining a healthy relationship. Who knows maybe I will see you around sometime on the happier boards. Love you!
Posted By: schoolbus Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/28/10 12:14 AM
Send the creep a no contact letter before you leave. Change your cell number ASAP.

Change your email.

And if you ever get a snail-mail letter from him, simply write "refused" on the front of it, do not open it, and place it back in your mailbox for the mail carrier to take back.

He sounds like the type who cannot (and will not) ever believe that a woman might not want his sorry butt. You walking away because he is a cheater has him stymied. He is used to dating doormats.


SB
Posted By: iamwhole Re: chronic cheater worth it? - 08/29/10 02:29 PM
You brought up finishings that never occurred to me. Thanks Schoolbus.

He is trying to manipulate away to remain in contact. He is moving his belongings into his parents garage. He has his music equipment stored in a little trailer belonging to his parents and asked if he could keep that trailer on my property because the Homeowner's Association in his parents neighborhood won't allow it to be stowed in their yard. I suggested he get a storage unit for his crap, they are only $45 a month, then there would be room in their garage for their trailer. He got mad and left.

No Contact letter? Something like this maybe?

Dear Schmuck,
I am writing to let you know that I do not want to have any contact with you whatsoever forever. That means no phone calls, no messages through friends or family, no emails, no ecards on Valentine's Day or any other special occassion, no letters through the mail, no notes on my car or door, and do not friends request me on Face Book. We are not friends, and I will not be one of your many little "friends" that you have. I do not want to know where you end up living. I do not want to know your job status. I do not want to have health updates. I do not want to know that you are thinking about me or missing me. Above all, do not ask me for anything! I have made myself very clear. If you violate my requests in any way, you can expect a restraining order.
Signed,

Many of the request mentioned were excuses for contact with OW.

Most of his furnishings are out. The only thing left is his desk and the piddly little stuff to box up. His friend is helping him again today and that should be that. I will give the NC letter when he returns his key.
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