Some really good news! As you all know, my exWW has been supporting POSOM on MY child support for the last 18 months. About this time last year, POSOM and exWW moved to MD. A MB poster had a friend in MD CS enforcement but they couldn't do anything unless POSOM's ex pursued it as the case was in PA.
However, I got word from my contacts that the case was transfered to MD last month and POSOM has been served! I verified it with the Cecil County website and that is indeed the case! Hopefully he gets JAIL TIME!
This is a frequent happenstance in child support cases. A POS can run but not hide. If the POS has no job from which wages can be garnished, then failure to pay can result in jail in some States.
I hope my exWW thought was worth it to get a contempt charge for failure to support her kids while she was paying for POSOM and his horses to live with her for free.
I hope my exWW thought was worth it to get a contempt charge for failure to support her kids while she was paying for POSOM and his horses to live with her for free.
I still can't understand how your XWW could be this stupid.
You sound like a near-perfect guy. Horses! Hooray!
Why is it all the good guys get the cheating, mean, demented women?
Thank you! I would say that I am far from perfect. Just a father trying to make the best of a bad situation and making progress towards personal recovery.
The Ex was the one that is into horses. In hindsight, she had tremendously poor boundaries with the horses and would become so absorbed in them that I often joked I was about number 9 in her priority list. I realize now there was a lot of truth to that.
POSOM has been served! I verified it with the Cecil County website and that is indeed the case! Hopefully he gets JAIL TIME!
You do know this is ALL you fault don't you?
Why can't you just let them be happy and support them? POSOM is a good father, but his wench of a greedy X-wife just keep wanting money for her kids. So you need to man up and support XWW and POSOM so they can be happy and you also need pay POSOM's child support too. It is your fault they are coming after POSOM!
What could you do to help the POSOM's XW to be present in court, or her representative, testify in front of the judge? Here in MI this can make an impact, (they can even read letters to the court at the trial) do you know how this works in MD?
POSOM/Toothless/cousin runs out on XWW AND gets thrown in the hoosegow and PSUbiker gets full custody, and WW will get to have her CS payments to her BH increased.
What could you do to help the POSOM's XW to be present in court, or her representative, testify in front of the judge? Here in MI this can make an impact, (they can even read letters to the court at the trial) do you know how this works in MD?
--just a thought.
I'm going to head to the courthouse on Friday and get the details from his file. Depending on what I find, I may write his ex a letter explaining how much POSOM "made" while living with exWW at our old house. Perhaps she can get his income imputed with my help!
As long as he's living with exWW, he won't be able to hide forever because I'll just update his ex with his address!
As long as he's living with exWW, he won't be able to hide forever because I'll just update his ex with his address!
You big meanie
The big meanie sent a letter to POSOM's ex wife stating where he lived as well as all of the information needed if she wanted to get an income attachement as all of POSOM's court info states he works fo my exWW's business.
It will be lovebuster central at the Deadbeat Ranch if the ex wife requests that my exWW puts an income attachment on POSOM!
Thanks Pep - the news about larry has me in a very triggery mood right now. POSOM did a number on me and exWW back when everything hit the fan when he made my very natural reactions to the sudden divorce look like an unstable lunatic to my exWW. Larry's attitude to what he did reminds me of POSOM.
What at this point, do you care about POSOM? You do not want XWW anymore, right? You have proper custody arrangement with your children- are you focusing on this too much?
As I understand it, XWW pulled a huge domestic violence scam on PSUB that resulted in his being kicked out of his own home while OM moves in and cannot be removed. PSUB then has to pay support to his X, who uses it to support OM. OM is penniless and is not paying HIS OWN child support.
He will now be charged with not paying that support. Since he has shafted PSUB completely out of his home, kids and marriage (a custody agreement is no substitute for an intact family), don't you think that it is good to see him facing the legal consequences?
I think it must be VERY good for PSUB to see that part of the injustice put right. How can it not?
Actually, _Larry_'s backstory coming out of the woodwork today was a huge trigger. Someone inserting themselves in a divorcing couple's business and manipulating the situation to make sure their best interests are served before those of the kids or both spouses divorcing just doesn't sit well with me.
In my situation, POSOM is the one that benefited from the dissolution of my marriage. In June 08, he was homeless. Since then, he's lived rent free on mine and exWW's dime.
In my situation, POSOM is the one that benefited from the dissolution of my marriage. In June 08, he was homeless. Since then, he's lived rent free on mine and exWW's dime.
Well it might only be small consolation that some people sell thier pride and honor so cheaply.
My heart goes out to you PSU and whats happened to you. I too have been burned by manipulating lowlife activities as they used the law to falsly get me removed from my home before. You have much more at stake IMO financially than I did when it happened to me. I was more concerned about my children paying for thier Moms foolishness.
Hang in there God will get em. The truth allways does..
I understand that some of the stuff posted today may have triggered you regarding your situation, and that it's easy to get upset quickly when triggering. However, I want to caution you from jumping to conclusions about Larry based upon assumptions and from what was posted on this board. Larry and I have shared a lot of personal things over the years, and the stuff that is being portrayed today about him, is not the Larry that I know.
I don't have the time right now to get involved in whole round of posting over this, but I do know that Larry spent a lot of his time trying to help me and my (now X)WW through several crisis times on this board, and there was one time that Larry personally orchestrated a breakthrough with XWW and me, over a very sticky issue, that was really amazing.
In addition, when my M really started to fall apart, Larry spent a lot of time helping me through that difficult time, and he continued to talk to me and check up on me during those first very difficult stages of separation. For that I am very grateful to Larry. He is someone I consider a friend, and he is an asset to this board�he has certainly helped me, and I believe he will continue to be an asset on this board as he is sure to get through to and help more new posters in the future.
What at this point, do you care about POSOM? You do not want XWW anymore, right? You have proper custody arrangement with your children- are you focusing on this too much?
I mean, is all this good for you?
just to add what Mr W has said -
if there were no kids yeah I could say move on but with his little girl trapped in the house of horrors -- I hope he brings the batard down. It would be life long mission if I was in a similar stitch/
I, for one, who wrote to him about his problems with the new H, do not feel that he was transparent about the backdrop to his problems. As someone who had been here for 5 years, he should have known that he owed "historical honesty" to those seeking to help with his situation.
Why bring this up after no posts about it for several hours? Are you trying to start a war?
I, for one, who wrote to him about his problems with the new H, do not feel that he was transparent about the backdrop to his problems. As someone who had been here for 5 years, he should have known that he owed "historical honesty" to those seeking to help with his situation.
**********edit*********. . . NM - don't want to continue the TJ.
I, for one, who wrote to him about his problems with the new H, do not feel that he was transparent about the backdrop to his problems. As someone who had been here for 5 years, he should have known that he owed "historical honesty" to those seeking to help with his situation.
Why bring this up after no posts about it for several hours? Are you trying to start a war?
Absolutly not I was hoping to difuse not set off a bomb Ok I can see that it was misunderstood. I probably don't know all the details and I am letting it all go and won't talk about the L thing.
As I understand it, XWW pulled a huge domestic violence scam on PSUB that resulted in his being kicked out of his own home while OM moves in and cannot be removed. PSUB then has to pay support to his X, who uses it to support OM. OM is penniless and is not paying HIS OWN child support.
He will now be charged with not paying that support. Since he has shafted PSUB completely out of his home, kids and marriage (a custody agreement is no substitute for an intact family), don't you think that it is good to see him facing the legal consequences?
I think it must be VERY good for PSUB to see that part of the injustice put right. How can it not?
Because the whole thing is a trigger. If OM goes to jail, will XWW move close with kids? J
PSU - Please consider that you have a great deal to offer the men of this board; I hope you will block any triggering posters and stay on board.
A lot of us care about you and care about those for whom your life-situation experience can make all the difference.
You're walking-talking proof that a man needs a VAR on his person at all times when dealing with a psycho and OM!
ITA,
I hope you know that I have allways respected you PSU and found your advice to others wise. I dont know what stupid thing I said but it was not intended to hurt you or be a wisea$$ so please forgive me.
Long time no post from me. Which is a good thing. Things have settled down considerably over the last couple of months or so. ALso, PSUBIKER has been dating a wonderful woman and Marriagebuilders has taken a back seat to his 15 hours a week of undivided attention to his new lady friend! :)Sorry guys!
SHe is recently divorced too - married less than a year before her ex decided to leave for another as well. We've been taking things one day at a time but enjoying every day so far. Things are looking good for PSUBIKER! In fact, she is introducing me to her parents this weekend. Wish me luck!
On the exWW front, our co-parenting counselor is convinced she is at a minimum a severe narcissist - borderline. ExWW has stormed out of 2 co-parenting counseling sessions now. ExWW did not like the counselor telling her that driving 300 miles a day for her job, bouncing between two houses, trying to keep horses, and support OM is not a good way to reduce stress in her life and that it was choices she made. Basically, quit blaming PSUBIKER for your problems.
So now, I just go to the coparenting counseling sessions alone and the counselor works on coping skills in dealing with exWW. It gives me an outlet for my frustrations!
On the divorce front, exWW's bankruptcy is now finalized. We also had a child support mediation back in APril. ExWW's petition was dismissed as there was no change in circumstance to warrant a change. ExWW originally filed the mod because she did not like being imputed income from July of last year.
When we got to the mediation, exWW tried to tell the mediator that she was paying 600/mo in health insurance premiums. The mediator asked to see her paychecks or a statement from her company. Nope, exWW didn't bring them. ExWW then said she did not know she was to bring them. Mediator told her that she's been through this 3x's now and it was on her court notice. Then, exWW tried to tell the mediator that she has primary custody of the kids and is the sole decisionmaker. Mediator said, nope, your custody order states shared custody. After about 20 minutes of exWW going batty to the mediator, her case was dismissed and last I saw of exWW she was leaving the courthouse screaming how Family COurt is out to get women.
The property division / alimony hearing is now scheduled for Sept. 24th. About 90% of my preparation is complete now - I just have to update some things for the hearing. SO, most of my summer will be free and after Sept 24th, my divorce will be totally finished!
ExWW's grandmother passed away this week - I sent flowers to the funeral on behalf of my parents and I. I'm sure I'll get a snarky comment from exWW about the flowers or not calling her about it. But, oh well.
More importantly though, any urge to call and see how exWW was doing never crossed my mind. I'm glad that I am away from the drama that will ensue once her will is made public. When exWW's great grand mother passed away about 10 years ago, my exMIL did not talk to her mother for 8 years over bitterness in how the great grandmother's $50,000 was divided between 6 people.
All in all, things have settled down a lot for PSUBIKER. My mother and I were talking a week or so ago - summer of 2009 was a lot better than 2008, and 2010 is shaping up to be a lot better than 2009. Time does heal.
Thanks for the update PSU....I am glad to hear you are doing well and your lady friend is a very lucky woman...I truly hope that you have found someone who can appreciate you, you deserve it...Sounds like you are coming out of the rubble, finally and life is looking up...:)
Its nice to see neutral 3rd partys (counselor and mediator) recognise and take note of the odd behaviour of XWW and of the stress you have had to endure.
I waited at least 6 months before introducing my kids to my current fianc�. I really recommend that you wait about as long. It�s a good idea for them and for you. I made the mistake of introducing someone I had just started dating to my kids. I ended up dumping her after only two months. Kids as young as ours attach quickly. It�s a good idea to wait as long as possible to introduce someone to them.
Hey guys. I haven't updated in awhile so I decided to give it a whirl. Things have cooled down with the lady friend and I. She wasn't ready for a serious relationship so we slowed things down. Like me, she still has loose ends to tie up for her divorce and we both decided it was better for us to hang out, talk, but no SF or any serious relationship stuff until everything is behind us.
In the blood is thicker than water category, I've been getting a lot of junk from the ex inlaws lately. Back in June, the exWW and I were going back and forth via email on some changes to the schedule. ExWW has been blind CC'g her mom and sister on these and I got a nice lecture from exMIL about the pettiness of asking for time in return for switching the schedule. Then, ex SIL sent a pretty scathing email insinuating that the kids were very uncomfortable at the Devon Horse Show when they found out I was there. All I did was sit at the rail in a crowd, took pictures of DD5, and left. I didn�t talk to anyone, I did wave to DD5 so she knew I was there.
To me, this was totally uncalled for as how the heck does she know why the kids were uncomfortable? Plus, it isn�t exactly a good way to ENCOURAGE both parents to attend activities with the kids. While we were going back and forth in email, the emails were civil, no name calling, etc and we came to an agreement on the change in schedule. I thought the comments from her family were totally uncalled for because neither one of us really did anything to warrant them.
Then, a couple of weeks ago, exWW was found in contempt for the second time in 5 months for failing to follow the support order. The exWW and I were going back and forth on email about her reimbursing me for summer camp for the kids (she was found in contempt for not paying her share of daycare / summer camp). Ex Sil replied via email that I was being a three letter word for donkey and was not thinking about what is best for the kids and was being a bad father.
I was like WTF? Her sister was the one found in contempt twice for not following the support order. Every dollar that I spend in excess of the support order is less that I have to support the kids. My ex inlaws are very good at blameshifting and exSIL is in a lot of ways worse than EXWW with her temper. They always resort to name calling and emotional blackmail when they are wrong and want to be right. I didn�t engage my exSIL because it really isn�t her business.
On the divorce front, I have a pending motion to dismiss alimony and property division. Back in January, the judge had ordered her to provide discovery or risk having alimony dismissed and other sanctions. The case was continued so she was saved in a sense in January. Since she didn�t answer my discovery request that I sent her in June, I filed a motion to have everything dismissed based on the previous order. We have a good chance of getting the alimony dismissed and perhaps even property division.
She has not provided me with ANY income, expense, assets, etc for my discovery. So, if she does not provide this before the hearing in September, I�ll be at a huge disadvantage. Keep your fingers crossed that it is dismissed!
You're right, PSU. Blood IS thicker than water. It can cause people to do insame things, too. Sorry to hear that, but you just keep on being the best darned dad you can. Probably a good idea to keep things cool with the lady friend with all this going on. Plus, she probably has similar issues on her own side. You're very wise.
I don't believe i have posted to you before but i have read just most of your story at one point or another over the last year. I only wanted to comment that this is a small world i grew up around this place and used to work there every year. Most people where i live now have never heard of it and don't quite understand what it's about. Just thought it was kinda funny was all. Sorry to hear about your ex-IL. Hopefully this will all be finished will keep all my fingers and toes crossed for ya.
STB4 - both exWW and I grew up around that area too. This was DD5's last year to do the leadline. Her family likes to give their two cents - my folks have pretty much left it alone and are are sounding board.
FOr example, my exSIL is an attorney. She actually put it in email to Lisa and I to not follow the judge's orders for discovery! She felt my request was too overburdensome. Yet, it was SOP for alimony in my state.
Is this the same SIL that was on your side during the divorce?
Why are they changing their tune. Did you have a fight?
Yes it is. They were on my side when everything was focused on the affair. Now that we are doing property division and alimony, they are trying to get the best deal for exWW. They come from the school that the wife should get everything because that's what happened in their mother's and grandmother's divorce.
Hey guys! We have a week to go until the alimony hearing and quite frankly, the stress has gotten to me to the point where I had a panic attack at work the other day and passed out! More than anything, it was my body telling me something.
The last 6 weeks or so have been a nightmare - exWW has been pulling crap with visitation and the schools in the lead up to the hearing. To say it hasn't been stressful is an understatement.
With the schools, exWW had gotten into an argument with the principal at the school DD5 was registered for kindergarten. The principal basically said if she didn't like the curriculum, she can put DD5 into the public school. So, we had a meeting at her mother�s house to discuss the schooling. Needless to say, exWW felt she needed to bring POSOM as her negotiating partner. More than anything, it was to piss me off. Of course, exWW was on the warpath and at one point, started chewing me out so bad that exMIL had to throw exWW against the wall to get her to calm down. After she calmed down, we had agreed to put the kids in the public school and exWW said she would be able to get a significant discount on daycare since she only makes 20K a year (more on this later).
For the alimony and property division, exWW had retained a lawyer. If you all recall, exWW has been dragging her feet on discovery � she didn�t want to hand over her income, expense, or lease information. Finally, I received the stuff I was expecting over the last couple of weeks. Turns out:
1. ExWW is on track to make $66-$72K this year from commissions from her job! This is a lot more than the 20K she�s been telling EVERYONE including the schools, the courts, etc. So, I had to go through the drama of two contempt hearings for her not paying daycare when she has been making DOUBLE what the child support order was based on! Of course, I immediately filed a support modification since her income will take my monthly obligation from $750/mo to about $50/mo.
2. Her lease information was interesting to say the least. She and POSOM signed a lease on 6/16/08 (six weeks before she asked for a divorce and right when POSOM moved to the property) stating he was to live on the farm for a year in return for barnwork and other duties. The kicker? I wasn�t a cosigner on the lease! WTF?!?!?!?! My understanding was that his stay on the property was only temporary and not a year. But, it helps the alimony in that it proves that he was living on the property , not paying MONEY for rent, and was not contributing to his expenses.
3. She�s been spending on AVERAGE $800 on feed, hay, and a horse trailer for her horses. This is the same person that has been crying poor to the court and anyone else who would listen to her that she is destitute.
SO, all the preparation for the alimony hearing has brought back a lot of old memories that were beginning to be put behind me. Plus, knowing I�ve been throwing $750 per month in CS that she is techinically not entitled to has me PO�d to no end. The possibility of alimony just makes me nauseous and I think that�s why I had the panic attack. In fact, I�ve lost 15 pounds in the last two months with the anxiety. Luckily, my doc put me back on Lexapro and I�ve been feeling better the last few days. Keep your fingers crossed that it's dismissed! I have a pretty good chance of that outcome!
Hey guys! We have a week to go until the alimony hearing and quite frankly, the stress has gotten to me to the point where I had a panic attack at work the other day and passed out! More than anything, it was my body telling me something.
The last 6 weeks or so have been a nightmare - exWW has been pulling crap with visitation and the schools in the lead up to the hearing. To say it hasn't been stressful is an understatement.
With the schools, exWW had gotten into an argument with the principal at the school DD5 was registered for kindergarten. The principal basically said if she didn't like the curriculum, she can put DD5 into the public school. So, we had a meeting at her mother�s house to discuss the schooling. Needless to say, exWW felt she needed to bring POSOM as her negotiating partner. More than anything, it was to piss me off. Of course, exWW was on the warpath and at one point, started chewing me out so bad that exMIL had to throw exWW against the wall to get her to calm down. After she calmed down, we had agreed to put the kids in the public school and exWW said she would be able to get a significant discount on daycare since she only makes 20K a year (more on this later).
For the alimony and property division, exWW had retained a lawyer. If you all recall, exWW has been dragging her feet on discovery � she didn�t want to hand over her income, expense, or lease information. Finally, I received the stuff I was expecting over the last couple of weeks. Turns out:
1. ExWW is on track to make $66-$72K this year from commissions from her job! This is a lot more than the 20K she�s been telling EVERYONE including the schools, the courts, etc. So, I had to go through the drama of two contempt hearings for her not paying daycare when she has been making DOUBLE what the child support order was based on! Of course, I immediately filed a support modification since her income will take my monthly obligation from $750/mo to about $50/mo.
2. Her lease information was interesting to say the least. She and POSOM signed a lease on 6/16/08 (six weeks before she asked for a divorce and right when POSOM moved to the property) stating he was to live on the farm for a year in return for barnwork and other duties. The kicker? I wasn�t a cosigner on the lease! WTF?!?!?!?! My understanding was that his stay on the property was only temporary and not a year. But, it helps the alimony in that it proves that he was living on the property , not paying MONEY for rent, and was not contributing to his expenses.
3. She�s been spending on AVERAGE $800 on feed, hay, and a horse trailer for her horses. This is the same person that has been crying poor to the court and anyone else who would listen to her that she is destitute.
SO, all the preparation for the alimony hearing has brought back a lot of old memories that were beginning to be put behind me. Plus, knowing I�ve been throwing $750 per month in CS that she is techinically not entitled to has me PO�d to no end. The possibility of alimony just makes me nauseous and I think that�s why I had the panic attack. In fact, I�ve lost 15 pounds in the last two months with the anxiety. Luckily, my doc put me back on Lexapro and I�ve been feeling better the last few days. Keep your fingers crossed that it's dismissed! I have a pretty good chance of that outcome!
Wow! I hope it goes your way. Your WXW is a pieceof work.
Is your lawyer a pit bull? I think you need one. At least one of those terrier types that clamps down and doesn't let go. I haven't been worrying about you because I'm moving, but now that you've posted an update, I realize that you haven't been here for awhile. Sorry about all your hassle. I hope you can clean her clock. And get your $$ reimbursed. Surely, if they won't make her give it back, all those "extra" $700 monthly payments could be applied towards any alimony she might receive. Good luck.
PSUBIKER almost became another statistic of the fallout from affairs. It all started last Saturday morning. After DS7's soccer game, I had walked up to DS7 and POSOM told me "Sorry, it's not your weekend. You can not talk to your son". At that point, you could imagine the anger that was boiling in me. As POSOM and DS7 were walking, I was walking alongside them asking DS 7 about the game. POSOM kept saying "See? DS7 loves me more than he loves you. Why don't you grow up and get out of the kid's lives. "
Finally, I reach where exWW was (she was with DD5 at another field) and told her that her BF has zero right to tell me that I can not talk to the kids. Of course she does not believe me but that is not surprising. I'm so hot I leave and miss DD5's game.
So, later that night, I'm out with some friends. I go home, and I start drinking some more. I look at my bottle of AD's, look at a bottle of Tylenol PM, and I end up taking everything. As soon as I do it, I'm like WTF did I just do?!?! I start trying to puke them up, and I text a buddy telling him what I did and call 911. The last thing I remember are the responding officers asking what happened and me somehow telling them about the pills. This was around 3am Sunday morning.
I finally wake up. It is around 9pm Sunday night. I have a tube in my throat, 3 IV's going, wired like a computer, etc. A cute nurse is asking me my name and tells me I'm in the ICU and whether I know why I am there. I tell her I can't believe I did what I did.
I was unconsious for close to 18 hours. I ended up staying in the hospital for 4 days this week. They were mainly concerned about my kidney functions after taking the AD's. Luckily, my numbers were good and they don't see any damage. The attending physician was very mum on how bad I was until he checked me out and said I dodged a huge bullet.
While in the hospital, I talked to one of their psycologists (someone who deals with suicide attempts for a living) and went into the last two years. He flat out told me my sitch was one of the worst cases of systematic emotional abuse he has seen in his career. He gave me a clean bill of health in terms of future attemps - he had told my parents that when someone is very remorsefull after an attempt, their story never changes and my story (what I could recall of it) matched the notes from the paramedics, dr's, nurses, etc. Plus I was my normal self once they took the tube and catheter out. The ICU nurses are VERY good at their jobs and did a great job in helping me deal with what I did.
He also got me into an outpatient counseling program for abuse victims as well as general counseling. He was very understanding and helpful. One thing is the AD's may have played a role too. I've noticed over the last couple of weeks after I started them that my moods still swung wildly but my downs were a lot lower than before. Between that and the alcohol, it probably lowered my inhibitions to the point where I did the unthinkable.
I do feel like I dodged a bullet. I'm disappointed in myself for what I did but this should also be a lesson on how close people can be to losing it and paying the ultimate price. I've lost all the muscle definition to my legs - the AD's were breaking down my muscles and they were affraid of kidney damage from that. Plus, I lost my friendship with the lady friend of mine. She has had a lot to deal with too and I understand where she is coming from. Plus, I can't be concerning myself with any potential future relationships right now anyways as I have a ton of work to do on myself in the coming months.
I'm sorry to hear about the breakdown with the other lady. Breakups need time to heal.
The irony of the attempted suicide is that there was a time that we were concerned that your ex would try to knock you off. Their tactic of psychological warfare is most effective.
Do not expect support from your ex. Past history shows how deeply disturbed she is. Were she to hear how hospitalized you were, I'm sure she would have rejoiced.
I gather that you are not a spiritual man. I propose that you are under spiritual attack. I recommend that you approach a Christian church for support. Your situation is much like that of Christ, maker of the universe, then killed by his subjects.
The devil is trying to poison your kids minds against you. Endure. You need God's love to do this!
In addition to whatever else you are doing, perhaps you also need to be in absolute "no contact" with your ex and certainly POSOM....your abusers. Consider alternatives to never seeing or speaking to either of them again.
Don't give up PSU. What POSOW said to you was absolutly intended to produce do what it did. I would be seething. You took that anger and frustration in and it had its effect on you.
If you did what in most peoples eyes a normal reaction, beat the crap out of him. You would be in jail. Your kids need you around for when the chickens come home to roost later on in life. Those two can spin yarns to the children now and play God, but God promises the truth will come to light, and you will help them to see it someday when they are ready and grown up enough to make a choice. We ALL need people like you in this world.
What was said by ouch about ADs is absolutly true. I personnaly start puking and have massive diareha when I try to take them, and the aggitation and desparation level my Son had when he came off them was intense and bordered on violence.
Get your therapist and/or shrink to re-evaluate your need and what meds your taking. There is nothing like a good therapist you admire and respect to look forward to helping you cope and it took time to find a good one for me. Sometimes they just listen, sometimes they are a friend who reflects back to you things you need to hear, but they can be good friends and help you back. Find one that is good for you and keep looking till you find one who clicks. You will know it when you find them, trust me on that.
I was just plodding along giving up on finding a good one when I stumbled into the one I have now so don't give up. We all respect and care for you here and you have helped many ppl. We all need help sorting out the Bullchit occasionally. No man is an island unto himself. Don't try to handle it all alone, we wern't built that way.
I agree you were attacked spitually. Don't know what your background is in Christianity but if it was bad I assure you it wasn't from Gods heart. Maybe its time to give it another chance and/or seek a bible study that gives life. There has been plenty of people who have used God and spiritual law to keep us in bondage or promote themselves and we are forced to sift thru them to see Gods love for us instead of condemnation.
You are man of discipline and upright in your life. Satan would love to hurt you because you reflect those things. Learn how he has allready lost the battle PSU. Your an awesome guy.
A lot of food for thought. I am in no way what you would call "religious" or "spiritual". HOwever, I have lived my life like I was not because someone said to do it that way but because of who I am.
As for the AD's, I am convinced they and the alcohol played a huge role. I started them about three weeks ago and I've noticed I was a little "off" with them.
Here's something really funny about the exWW and my time in the hospital. I had my mother call her and tell her I couldn't help her out in an emergency with the kids last week since I was in the hospital. The next day, I get a call in my room and the nurses desk asks if I would take a call from my BIL. Then a few hours later, my phone rings and I pick it up and it is the exWW?!?!?! I'm like how the heck did she get past the call screener at the nurses station? SHe then called me the next day with 20 questions!
So sorry to hear about your recent situation PSUB. It's truly awful.
Please tell me that your xWW has no idea why you were in the hospital? Those two sociopaths would certainly try to use this situation to their advantage somehow...probably trying to say that you are an unfit father. I highly recommend you keep this info under wraps and make sure that she doesn't find out. It's for your own good....
Saddened to read of the turn of events but I'm glad that you are ok. I know it is not easy, but please stay away from those sickos...they are only going to provoke you. Document events and talk to your kiddos often to keep them on the straight path.
PSU, you really need to arrange some kind of intermediary between you and exWW so you can see the kids, and avoid contact with her and POSOM as much as you can. Rest assured they would have LOVED it if you had not survived your suicide attempt, and you cannot afford to be exposed to more of their abuse.
You probably heard this from the hospital therapist already, but it would really be best for your mental and emotional health to cut contact with exWW and POSOM down to the absolute minimum necessary to maintain a relationship with your kids.
So sorry you�re going through this, but I can completely relate. I was there myself and totally regretted the gesture, though your was much more dangerous than mine.
POSOM is a non player. Pretend he doesn�t exist. Your kids aren�t dumb and they will remember such things. They will reveal themselves in due time.
In other words, if he speaks, pretend he�s not there.
Any developments in his CS case?
Take care of yourself and get yourself a good IC. I had one for about 2 years and it helped a lot. She really helped me get perspective on some things.
AD�s can cause what you did. I went through trial and error on them. The ones I found and liked unfortunately sent my BP to stratospheric levels that were dangerous. I had to settle for others that weren�t as effective. I didn�t need any in the end and IC was the best thing.
What we suffer through is called adjustment disorder. It resolves itself over time. You don�t suffer from permanent depression. It�s an adjustment to the changes. IC can help you cope better with such changes in addition to acceptance.
Where do things stand on the legal front?
I strongly suggest you refrain from dating. The best thing that happened to me was that I fell for an emotionally unavailable and uninterested woman, which ended up being the break from dating I needed.
I suggest you make the conscious choice to do that. That break did wonders for me because I had to face my own emotional holes and deal with them rather than cover them up with the excitement and newness of new relationships and dating.
Doing so leads to the acceptance and indifference stage, which is where you want to be when you start dating again.
OMG, PSU how horrible!!! I'm so glad you are alright but you really should see your doc about your meds. I once took Zyban to quit smoking, which is actually welbutrin, an AD. It definitely put me into severe mood swings and there were warnings about mixing it with alcohol. I never could take the full dosage - maybe that's why I was unsuccessful quitting. I remember calling them my "depressants" rather than "anti-depressants" because that's what they did to me.
I think you know that you need to prioritise and take better care of you. I do not mean that as a put down at all.
Everyone has a threshold for stress, work, worry and pain. Anyone who says they do not are either just foolish or kidding themselves.
I would take a look at the medications, but also look at/for the balance and space in your life that you have allocated for personal recovery. RH here, do you do enough things for yourself?
What can you do to improve on this? I hope you feel better. Just my 0.02.
I also recommend you avoid doing stuff "together" for a time. Do stuff on your time and let her do stuff on her time. It took my ex and I about 2 years after our litigation to finally get to be around each other without all that tension in the air.
The problem for the kids is the conflict. Conflict is much more damaging to them than your presence or absence.
In two years you guys may be able to be around each other without incidents, but it's too soon right now and it's damaging for the kids to witness the friction.
This doesn't mean you're "surrendering". It really is a matter of putting the kids first.
Some here may disagree with this, but I'm not telling you that this is something you will do forever. Just until things stabilize in the new normal.
I had to go through that withdrawl myself. It sucks, but in the end it is good for you and good for the kids.
I was shocked and saddened to read your recent update. I am so relieved it was not successful. You are such an inspiration to many other posters.
FWIW, I agree with the other posters suggesting you limit your time that is "shared" with the waywards. Explain to the children how much you love them and that it harms you greatly to be in the presence and be treated the way you are by the waywards. Apologize for the harm it causes your children (even though you are not to blame.)
Depending on ages, tell them that you have to limit your time that is "shared" and ask them their thoughts.
You, too, are dying a death of a thousand cuts.
Please know that we are all with you even when you can't see us. Sitting with you, feeling your pain and all the injustices you have endured. There will be an end to those. Keep the faith.
Please seek help and know that those babies will see YOU for YOU and not for what some toothless loser says.
So Dad just doesn't show up anymore? No explanation, no discussion.
That only reinforces the waywards words about him.......
I don't remember how old PSU's children are - it needs to be done in an age appropriate way.
He may not need to specifically ask, but by telling them about it, he can probably gauge their reaction and then discuss what they are going through.
Kids are overlooked constantly as being "too young." They have thoughts and they have feelings at all ages. You can either validate them or ignore them.
I think they are 5 and 7. Still they can know and understand thier own feelings and feel conflicts between exWW and PSU.
Age appropiate is right but only when its warrented and/or asked. "its not how I want it but daddy and mommy still love you very much Mommy left daddy and you will have to ask her why." Thats my opinion because they need reasons, even if it points to wrong ones.
Read my post again. I�m advocating staying away from WW ex and POSOM for a period of time. When the kids are with her they do stuff with her and with him they do stuff with him. Do this for the foreseeable future. It stinks, but the conflict is more damaging to the kids than the absence of dad for a few events.
The kids are very young.
My ex and I had very high conflict for a good two years after our D. We can now sit and eat together with the kids (an accidental encounter at a restaurant) and we go trick or treating together. We�re not buddy buddy or friends by any stretch, but we can be around each other without snide comments being made.
It takes time to get to that point.
And PSUB has a 50/50 arrangement or very close to it. He sees his kids a lot.
I just don't agree that it does not effect the kids (sometimes deeply) when you have waywards "explaining" why dad doesn't come to events anymore.
The waywards are causing the conflict and that will not change with PSU missing events. He will not be THERE for them to treat badly in person - but I'd bet the farm they do it when he is not around, too. Which causes conflict for the kids.
Do what you can do, PSU. Guard yourself and love those little ones. They will feel that strength and love no matter what the waywards throw at them.
Talk to them as you feel appropriate. You know them best.
I can see WH's point. When PSU stops showing up at events, exWW and Toothless will be giving their kids "reasons" why, reasons that will NOT be complimentary to PSU. He's gotta tell them something to counteract the scurrilous lies they'll hear from their mother and boyfriend.
So yeah, PSU is gonna have to have some kind of conversation with his kids about this.
I am in Plan B and I had to explain to my children why I couldn't be around my WH and why he couldn't come in the house. They understand very well. Children should be told the truth, in an age appropriate way(and by that I mean, no big words, truth is always best).
PSU, I would suggest a Plan B type thing with these things(I couldn't even call Toothless a person). Explain it to your children like this, "When Daddy is around Mommy and Toothless, it makes my heart hurt. I get sad. I don't want you to have a Daddy that may be sad around you so I can't be around when Mommy and Toothless are near. I love you." Children need to know that Daddy has feelings too and that if someone is abusive or harmful, you remove YOURSELF. Lessons are taught always because children are always watching.
If it is another soccer game that you have to miss, you could have the children call you and recount it. I would have to miss my son's ball hockey games and he loved to recount them for me. He made it even more interesting than they would have been had I been watching because he was telling only the highlights.
So, a Plan B type arrangement. Not for M R, but for mental health.
Here's the rub - when POSOM is not around, exWW and I get along perfectly fine. No fights, no snide comments, etc. For instance, the week before was my weekend but exSIL had a party planned for her daughter. SO, exWW came to the soccer game (POSOM was not there), we sat together, cheered the kids on together, BS'd, etc. Then, after the games, exWW and the kids came over to my place to change for the party, etc.
When exWW dropped the kids off after the party, exWW walked right in like she owned the place. We actually sat at the table and talked about life in general for about 45 minutes after the kids went to bed. POSOM thrives on conflict - the more conflict he incites between exWW and I, and exWW and her family, the less chance he has of exWW kicking his rear end out.
In other news, we had the four way settlement conference today. As soon as exWW showed up with POSOM, I knew nothing was going to get accomplished. You see, the only issues outstanding are alimony, and how much of my retirement she gets. Since she's been living with the dude since separation, she's not eligible for alimony.
So, me, my lawyer, and her lawyer sit down while we are waiting for her to show up. We tell her L that let's drop the alimony, go down the list of assets to agree on a value but each person keep the asset they are in possesion of, then use my 401K to balance out the overall number. Quick, efficient, and sets us up in a good negotiating mood by coming to agreement on asset value first before we split everything up.
Needless to say, things got off to a rocky start when her lawyer told her POSOM can not be in the room with her when discussing things. (we were in separate rooms and the L's were going back and forth) She threw a fit when told that.
She and her lawyer were pushing back on the alimony so we pulled out all of our evidence of cohabitation. Her lawyer comes back and says that she will not agree to dropping alimony and she wants to come into the room to talk to me. She goes into a rant that had to be seen to be believed. At one point, she said that she would swear on her children that even though she and POSOM were found naked in bed together, they did not have SF. My lawyer thanks her for telling us her concerns but we are not budging on alimony. She then says I don't care about the kids and that she is filing a custody modification. My lawyer says "Ok". She storms out and the three of us are looking at each other wondering WTF just happened.
Her lawyer then says that if we go to trial for alimony, he will have to fire her as a client. He goes on to say that he has to operate within the law and can not pull a rabbit out of his hat. It is a really good example how someone thinks a lawyer is a miracle worker but in reality they can only work with what's presented to them.
PSU - I'm so relieved you survived the latest twist and turn that infidelity-induced depression can throw on a person.
One skill I think would serve you well is in the event that you can't avoid POSOM, and he goes off on his juvenile rants about your kids, I think mastering the "scum" look would serve you well.
The "scum" look is achieved by looking the man up and down, and dismissing him as the worthless scum he is, and then walking away. The guy wants to engage you so that he can achieve what your XW couldn't - your destruction. When he learns from your glance that he's impotent that way, he'll cross the line and try to physically engage you. Be sure that you are never alone with the piece of horse**** under your shoe.
Sounds to me like good reason to request compensation for legal fees.
I learned that it is a pointless waste of time to negotiate with an entitled wayward in terms of legal matters. My lawyer and hers negotiated for hours and hours and got nothing done.
I should have pulled the plug early and simply said that it is clear we won�t be able to reach a common ground and to simply let a judge settle it.
But this has to be costing you a fortune. I know it did me.
Stay calm. Don�t meet emotion with emotion (my biggest mistake). And simply be cool. Say, �No, thanks� to unreasonable settlement offers and move to the next step.
I know you�re doing all of this. I�m just cheering you on to continue.
But I wasted sooooo much money on fighting this stuff.
In the end, the judge was very generous to me. I pay just a little over half of the CS I use to pay and could have reduced it further, but decided against it since it was close enough.
When exWW dropped the kids off after the party, exWW walked right in like she owned the place. We actually sat at the table and talked about life in general for about 45 minutes after the kids went to bed.
This bothers me. Did you say anything to exWW when she walked in like that? I realize you are trying to be civil but...
I'd love to here an update on how things are going with you,
I Wanted to let you know I'm in the middle of my D now, had thought I would be done by now but in reality only getting started.
I had planned for years that as soon as I retired my WW and I would ride a TransAm, on a tandem, when I filed last spring I decided I would do the ride now, as a head clearing move. I plan to start on the Lewis and Clark trail in Oregon, the last week in May, and will end up in South Carolina (home state).
Anyway, thought you might enjoy hearing that, hope you'll update one of these days
Quite a bit of drama over the last three or four months or so. It would be a huge post to go over everything but here's the quick hit:
- exWW found out about my suicide attempt in mid Nov - exWW files emergency custody motion - judge denies emergency custody motion - judge schedules a teleconference to find out what's up, I tell him what's up - judge wants to see a letter from my psych and psychiatrist about my treatment and ability to parent (no problem with that) - judge on conference call admonishes exWW for calling his legal assistant a female dog in the act of mating after he denied her emergency peition - exWW shows up at the police department to exchange the kids but without the kids. - Police threaten to arrest exWW if she doesn't get the kids. SHe gets the hint and gets the kids. - MOnday after thanksgiving exWW's child support I pay to her is lowered in mediation. ExWW is not happy - Next day, exWW files a complaint with division of family services that I am abusing and neglecting the kids - Same day as the complaint to DFS exWW files a motion for custody again because I still had not gotten the letter from the psyciatrist (he was on a two week vacation around the Thanksgiving holiday and my lawyer had sent a letter to her and the judge indicating this the monday before Thanksgiving). I had already produced the letter from my psychologist as well as my return to work documentation from mid October as I work in a manufacturing environment and it is required for all medical absences. - We file an answer and ask for attorney fee, judge dismisses her motion and defers attorney fees to ancillary matters hearing on Jan 14 -Normal drama from exWW denying me visitation during the X-Mas holiday. Document and save if we have a trial for custody - We have the ancillary matters hearing on Jan 14 - before the hearing while in the courthouse, we offer her 60% of my retirements if she drops alimony (60% is what she would get if it went in front of the judge as case law backs that up based on our income differential) No use going in front of the judge for my retirements. She accepts the retirement offer but wants the hearing for alimony - we have the alimony hearing, we present the picture of them in bed together, her testimony from a protection order hearing in Nov 2008 that they are boyfriend and girlfriend and living together, her lease at her current place where she lives listing him as an occupant - As you are inelligible for alimony if you cohabitate in my state, the judge asks her flat out POSOM had been her boyfriend and Cohabitation partner since the separation. - Ex WW answers no. Judge accuses her of PERJURY!!!!Ex WW said she was in distress in the PFA hearing and her testimony in that hearing was untrue because she was being harrased by my lawyer. The judge then tells her the first time my lawyer spoke to her in the hearing was his first question during cross examination which was "what is your relationship with POSOM?" SHe answered "He's currently my live in boyfriend" - ExWW goes on the stand to present her case, all she does is say how POSOM is paying off his rent by doing work around the house, taking care of the horses. My lawyer says nothing. He just lets her drone on for about 90 minutes and using up all of the time for the hearing. - I ask him why he isn't cutting her off and he whispers in my ear telling me she is reinforcing to the judge that POSOM lives with her. She did not present anything indicating he was not living with her. - exWW finishes her testimony, my lawyer does not cross examine, and since exWW used up 90minutes of the 60 minutes alloted to her, the judge wants to end the hearing and asks my lawyer to present a motion for attorney fees. - we ask for 10K in fees for the previous bogus motion and the alimony hearing since she was inelligible for alimony and pretty much committed perjury the entire time.
We are waiting for the judge on the attorney fees and the dismisal of the alimony. Next week is mediation for custody. My position is there has been no change so just dismiss. Plus, our state is 50/50 shared state now and exWW would have a huge burden of proof to change custody. Teachers and guidance counslor have all said the kids like the 50/50 arrangement so I'm not really worried about the outcome, just the BS that comes from exWW as we get closer to court dates.
Too bad for her about the $10K suit. What will POSOM do for booze and cigarettes?
Plus...I think she's already gone bankrupt so she can't go bankrupt for another 7 years or more so eventually you'll get paid it seems (though I don't think you'll be able to offset the debt versus child-support payments).
Holy moly! Your XW is a genuine piece of work. Did her attorney ever fire her as a client, like he said he would?
tl
Ohh, ohhh, ohhh! I forgot that one. Yes he did - in his motion to excuse himself, he stated the reason for ending the relationship was because "rift and discord between the client and myself has made the relationship untenable". As explained by my attorney, it is code for I gave her really good advice but she still wants to plow ahead and I don't want to make a fool of myself.
Too bad for her about the $10K suit. What will POSOM do for booze and cigarettes?
Plus...I think she's already gone bankrupt so she can't go bankrupt for another 7 years or more so eventually you'll get paid it seems (though I don't think you'll be able to offset the debt versus child-support payments).
All that being said:
HOW ARE YOU GETTING ON?
Mr. Wondering
My guess is there are a couple of ways for me to get paid - one we have not done the QDRO's yet for the retirement accounts and the judge could give me a credit for that. Or, she could liquidate some of the retirments she gets and pays me cash, or she can pay me cash outright.
It's really all of her doing - she owes her old attorney about 6K and did not get one motion, hearing, or anything out of him. She was so focused on how to punish me she sent him on a wild goose chase looking for a way to pull a rabbit out of the hat with alimony. When her attorney found out we held the nuts when it came to alimony, he dropped her when she wouldn't dismiss it.
It's a great lesson on how to utilize your attorney - of course I would have wanted to keep more of my 401K, so I had my lawyer's legal assistant spend half an hour looking at case law for my situation - SAHM, 80 / 20 income split, what is the split judges rule for retirement accounts in my situation. Instead of paying my lawyer about $800 to argue retirements, we just settled and focused on our case for alimony. Even if she didn't agree to the 401K split before trial, we would have just said we offer a 60/40 split in our opening statement and the judge would have given her that.
Here we are two years later still splitting up assets. For a woman that wanted out so bad...she sure has a knack for dragging things out.
Attorney fee awards are somewhat rare so I hope you get lucky and the judge awards it and allows you to set off against the retirement 401k settlement. (depending on the numbers involved with the retirement account I could see him making an award smaller than your asking for but one that makes the retirement account division precisely 50-50).
Can't wait for this to be OVER for you (which may not fully happen until those kids are adults. In the meantime, I think you need to find yourself a nice Hoosier girl. lol
exWW shows up at the police department to exchange the kids but without the kids. - Police threaten to arrest exWW if she doesn't get the kids. SHe gets the hint and gets the kids.
Quote
Judge accuses her of PERJURY!!!
Quote
I ask him why he isn't cutting her off and he whispers in my ear telling me she is reinforcing to the judge that POSOM lives with her. She did not present anything indicating he was not living with her.
Thanks for the update. Could exWW be any dumber????
Here we are two years later still splitting up assets. For a woman that wanted out so bad...she sure has a knack for dragging things out.
The following explains why ...
Quote
all she does is say how POSOM is paying off his rent by doing work around the house
POSOM does not pay the rent. Someone must pay her rent for her. (in her pea brain) She certainly cannot/should not be held responsible for her own rent? Are you kidding??? Nooooo Waaaaaay !
Someone must pay her rent for her. (in her pea brain) She certainly cannot/should not be held responsible for her own rent? Are you kidding??? Nooooo Waaaaaay !
[/font]
Sounds like there should be a "vacancy" sign where her brain she be accually.
So, I receive an email from DD5's speech instructor addressing concerns exWW had about her progess. Evidently, exWW wasn't happy with her progress even though DD5 had blown away all her goals over the last couple of months. Anyways, here's ExWW's response to the speech instructor's email.
I would like to talk with you regarding DD5's grammar and other issues. I had mentioned to Kindergarten Teacher that I thought that DD5's speech progress had slipped a bit. -I am worried about the speech issues further impacting her grammar. Amanda dose well with beginning and end but struggles with the middle sounds. Hens the motor planning is impacting her grammar. She seems to patriot the info back well on command but struggles greatly in free speech and when motor planning is needed. I correct her grammar all the time but it don't help. My concerns are in regards to correcting these issues now as they come rather than later after she has incorrectly learned the grammar and changing this would be extremely hard. I has taken over a year to correct the miss use of me vs I.
I practically fell over my chair laughing at this email.
That's freakin' a work of art! She is quite the wordsmith
I bet ya'll didn't know I have a patriot for a pet. He has a cage downstairs. A green patriot who talks real good.
He also patriots words back and forth all the time. I done taught him all I knowed.
Fwiw, I would clearly assume that the speech instructor thoroughly enjoyed reading that email.
Again, not trying to bash on your wayward x, but my xwh has the most horrible spelling and he was ceo of a company. I used to have to correct all his press releases back when we were married to save face.
Patriots flying in the wild in Costco Rico sur are purty.
Maybe we can get SchoolBus to decipher that email of your ExWW.
She is trying SO HARD to say something, but it just doesn't come out right.
LG
I suspect she might have a learning/writing/reading disorder.
Perhaps dysgraphia. Perhaps dyslexic dysgraphia.
Schoolbus might have great insight.
Pep:
I have no doubt that something is wrong with her. Whether dyslexia or dysgraphia or dyslexic dysgraphia. Or any of a number of other possible conditions. I would make a dime-store analysis of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, most likely.
She can also just be incredibly stupid. And thinking that she is so much smarter than she really is. And really, really incapable of realizing how stupid she really is. Therefore, FAS.
Just the simple act, by an external third party, (you or me) to show her the mistakes in that email would result in rage on her part. "What do you know!" or "You think your so smart!" type remarks would take place. She knew what she wanted to say. She wanted to say "Parroted" doesn't know how to spell it, and doesn't even realize that it IS spelled wrong. And something that might be an offical document, (sent to school counsler, no less) without even trying to clean it up? No realization of how stupid she really is.
I have no doubt that something is wrong with her. Whether dyslexia or dysgraphia or dyslexic dysgraphia. Or any of a number of other possible conditions. I would make a dime-store analysis of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, most likely.
She can also just be incredibly stupid. And thinking that she is so much smarter than she really is. And really, really incapable of realizing how stupid she really is. Therefore, FAS...
I think you two have hit upon something, and I bet SB could help also.
I think that email is something she thought would go toward proving what a loving and concerned mother she is.
I would think that if a person knows she is dislexic or has some other learning disorder, she would take pains to make sure that anything she sent to the school or a teacher was correctly written.
My first thought was that this paragraph was written during alcohol or drug intoxication. Even a stupid, sober person would not send something like this to an offical who could potentially influence custody.
My first thought was that this paragraph was written during alcohol or drug intoxication. Even a stupid, sober person would not send something like this to an offical who could potentially influence custody.
AM
Given her past as I recall, this could also be true.. As LG points out, though, she probably is just dumb, and if it walks like a duck... If you have no more reason for ammunition, possibly most that any deciphering could be good for, would be for future reference, for your children when they grow up.
Otherswise it is just a sad observation of a broken woman clutching at straws to gain control, and will just bring a tear to the eyes.
I would think that if a person knows she is dislexic or has some other learning disorder, she would take pains to make sure that anything she sent to the school or a teacher was correctly written.
I don't give the slightest damn about this particular exWW. She can go to Hades and I won't care.
I do have some concerns however, that there might be some MBer or MB lurkers who have a learning disorder that causes them some degree of shame or embarrassment. It is for THOSE folks I express my thoughts and concerns that this might be something other than what it appears on the surface.
PSUBIKER's exWW is dumb as a bag of rocks. Of that I am certain, based on her conscious decisions, time after time.
I do not want other innocent MBers to feel too ashamed to post for fear their learning difficulties might be exposed.
This has happened before when the issue of just how "fat and gross" the OW was. Hillarity ensued with fat jokes and fat slurs. I KNOW many betrayed wives were caught in the crosshairs of shame regarding their own fat body and feeling gross as described by fellow MBers.
I guess, I have become sensitive to the fact that we can have collateral damage when we insult the wayward(s) for characteristics unrelated to cheating.
Just be conscious that others reading along might have written something similar to PSUBIKER's exWW's note. If they do have a learning disorder, that does not make them dumb.
Hey folks! Good news on the legal front! The judge made a decision on alimony. Ex WW's alimony petition has been DENIED!!!!
My case centered around proving cohabitation and we presented the following: - exWW naked in bed with 2nd cousin - exWW and second cousin signing a lease agreement for him to live on the maritial property. Keep in mind this was two weeks before ILYBNILWU and I was not on the lease even though I had an interest in the property - ExWW and POSOM's testimony from a previous hearing where they both testified they were boyfriend and girlfriend as well as living together - exWW's current lease listing POSOM as an occupant
ExWW told the court she never cohabitated in a romantic relationship with POSOM. The concluding paragraph of the opinion from the judge is pure gold:
"The court aslso concludes that husband has estabilished that wife and POSOM hold themselves out as a couple as the statute requires for the termination of an alimony obligation. In the November 2008 PFA hearing Wife testified that POSOM was her boyfriend and POSOM similarly testified wife was her girlfriend. At the ancilary hearing, wife explained that she was under extreme stress and likely could not have recalled the names of her own children at the PFA hearing due to her claims of husband's attorney's agressive nature. The court finds little creditbility in Wife's explanation, given the fact that according to the hearing transcript, the attorney's inquiry as to whether POSOM was Wife's boyfriend was only the second question he posed to Wife after asking whether " You and PSUBIKER are currently in a divorce situation, is that correct?" The court fails to see any agreesiveness in either of the first two questions posed to wife on cross examination and sincerely doubts that these questions caused wife to experience such extreme stress that she could not correctly recall whether POSOM was her boyfriend at the time. "
Nothing like trying to pin your hopes for alimony on fogbabbling and gaslighting a family court judge. What's scary is this type of gaslighting and fogbabble cost us about 30K in attorney fees between the two of us.
I forgot to add - the Male Family Court Bias kicked in when the judge was deciding attorney fees - he only awarded me $645 out of about 8K that we asked for despite her obvious perjury. Plus, I get my tools back. If doesn't provide them, I get $100 / tool. She still has my air compressor, brand new Porter Cable hardwood floor nailer, brand new Bostich finish nailer, a DeWalt belt sander, and a Bosch jigsaw
What's scary is this type of gaslighting and fogbabble cost us about 30K in attorney fees between the two of us.
Even scarier how long you have had to endure this hell. Justice may move slow - but this is deriliction of carrying out the law as written and the intent.
POSOM lived off of your labor for how many years? Two at least - are you going to get any $$ back or is that water under the bridge?
What's scary is this type of gaslighting and fogbabble cost us about 30K in attorney fees between the two of us.
Even scarier how long you have had to endure this hell. Justice may move slow - but this is deriliction of carrying out the law as written and the intent.
POSOM lived off of your labor for how many years? Two at least - are you going to get any $$ back or is that water under the bridge?
POSOM is the only one who benefited from the divorce! He's had free rent and board courtesy of me for 4 months and exWW for 30 months. He ain't going anywhere with the setup he has right now. He somehow was able to convince exWW that doing chores around the house constitutes him pulling his own weight.
"The court aslso concludes that husband has estabilished that wife and POSOM hold themselves out as a couple as the statute requires for the termination of an alimony obligation. In the November 2008 PFA hearing Wife testified that POSOM was her boyfriend and POSOM similarly testified wife was her girlfriend. At the ancilary hearing, wife explained that she was under extreme stress and likely could not have recalled the names of her own children at the PFA hearing due to her claims of husband's attorney's agressive nature. The court finds little creditbility in Wife's explanation, given the fact that according to the hearing transcript, the attorney's inquiry as to whether POSOM was Wife's boyfriend was only the second question he posed to Wife after asking whether " You and PSUBIKER are currently in a divorce situation, is that correct?" The court fails to see any agreesiveness in either of the first two questions posed to wife on cross examination and sincerely doubts that these questions caused wife to experience such extreme stress that she could not correctly recall whether POSOM was her boyfriend at the time. "
I love this Judge.
That's GREAT on the alimony. Bet that was a relief.
I hope this is it for you guys, but knowing your WW's history, I'd still keep your ears and eyes open. There's no telling what she may pull next as you well know.
This is great, but I don't think that mom bias kicked in. I say that because my ex asked for attorney feys as well and she only got $500 out of $77000 she spent.
It's probably not normal for a judge to grant such fees or he may be limited by law on how much he can reward.
Otherwise this is fantastic since it puts even more of a burden on OM to meet her needs as he continues to leech off of her. She will now push him to pull more of his weight.
ExWW still has her custody petition that's outstanding from back in November. It hasn't been scheduled yet so I'm figuring at least the beginning of August before that is resolved.
I'm not too worried about it - we are in a 50/50 shared state for custody and that's what we've been doing for 2.5 years. Just a lot of mental gymnastics until then. The kids are getting really good grades in school, no major behavior issues, and they are healthy. Overall, nothing has changed regarding the children's circumstance. Plus, the judge had already denied her emergency custody petition back in November. She has a huge burden of proof to overcome to prove that a change in custody is in the best interest of the kids.
Reading between the lines of this judge's decision from the original custody hearing in Aug 09, he is very hesitant to make any changes to the custody arrangement especially when the parties agree to it in the first place. ExWW's whole arguement then was there was no change in circumstances since she was living in the school district on the days she has the kids.
Plus, exWW has ZERO credibility with this judge or the court at this point because of her sanctions for filing false DV claims, her multiple contempts, and her performance in the alimony hearing. All her evidence to change custody would have to come from third party experts.
I would check the tools very thoroughly before accepting them. Why do they not have to pay rent on these items and why on earth did she get to keep them that long.
My frustration is that legal proceedings have taken such a long time. You have taken the abuse of OM, had to move out of your own property and pressured into a near suicide situation.
I believe that justice will not be done in this life. However, there is one thing that you need to do do: Forgive. These things will tie on your soul. Remember the circumstances, help those that you can from your experiences (that's us) and move forward to help your kids. Be the example that your wife never was.
It's been a busy summer! Took the kids to Pittsburgh with me in June to go to Kennywood Park, went to the beach a few times, then, last month, did the mother of all trips, DISNEY WORLD!
Let's just say Disney World as a single parent with two kids is exhausting! My parents were there to help in the mornings, but most of the time, I was on my own. Anyways, we had a BLAST! Unfortunately, we had to cut our trip short by a day because of hurricane Irene. Good thing too. We moved our flight to Friday evening. While at the airport Friday evening waiting for the flight, I get a text from the airline saying our original flight for Saturday was cancelled.
As expected, things with exWW are starting to heat up again. ON Oct 4, we have the custody hearing. So, of course, the rhetoric from her is starting to increase. For instance, last Friday, at around 8:30 am, I got a text from her with a picture of the kid's teachers. This was the day we were heading home from Disney. Since our trip was cut short by a day, we had to squeeze things in before heading over to the airport. Needless to say, I did not show the kids the text.
After we landed, I met exWW to swap the kids. First question out of exWW's mouth was: "Did daddy show you the pictures of your teachers?" Not how was your trip, did you have fun, etc. Keep in mind, she sent the text at 830am, this was about 11pm the same day.
So, the next day, I get an email from exWW saying I denied her contact with the kids by failing to show them the text message. Ummm, Ok. You were going to see the kids that night anyways. Plus, we were literally running like chickens with their heads cut off because of the jam packed schedule at the parks. I say, BRING IT ON IN COURT!
A few days ago, she sends an email to the kids counselor asking the name for a mediator so we can mediate the custody agreement. I reply I would be happy to attend mediation with the express goal to modify to the current shared custody agreement to what we currently practice.(i.e week to week instead of the 5-2-2-5) I will not negotiate any custody arrangements that are not a shared 50/50 arrangement.
Of course, I get a 3 minute ranting on my voicemail about how I am a poor father, don't care about the kids, how it's all about me, etc, etc, etc. My response? I email her a custody agreement that outlines our current week to week and holiday schedule.
As for the custody, I am not very worried. We currently do the 50/50 shared arrangement, and standard in our state is 50/50. We've been doing it for three years. Plus, the judge ordered it after a hearing in Jan, 2010. That's important because the burden of proof is on exWW to show that not changing it will result in physical and emotional harm to the kids and the benefits will outweigh the drawbacks of the kids not living with me half the time.
To do this, she would need to have a full blown custody evaluation done - the court is not going to go by her word. The hearing is a month away and she hasn't hired one yet.
After a two year period, you can still change custody but the burden of proof is a little lower - she just has to show that the benefits of the move outweigh the drawbacks. Again, she would need a custody evaluator. Also after two years, compliance with orders is a huge factor. She has 4 contempt findings against her since the last order was entered.
The kids do well in school, the counselors say the kids are doing well outside of normal stuff you see with a divorce, etc. IT's clear this is about money for exWW.
If she wins, the child support I pay her would go from about 450 per month to about $1600 per month. Plus, she is currently getting about $2200 in SS disability benefits per month too. So, her income would be $3800 per month TAX FREE! To put this in perspective, I make a hair under 100K. After you take out all my deductions (medical insurance, 401K, Child Support, dependent care) her income is the same as my net income per month. Considering all this was filed at around the time her child support I paid her went from $750/mo to $450 per month, it is quite obvious what her real motivations are.
Based on what you have said, and your EXW's email:
She may be getting ready to ask Social Security for an increase in support based on the speech disability.
It might behoove you to contact the speech therapist at your child's school - before you go to court - and check into what has been happening with your child's case.
You might get some information that will help you.
Get PI and have your wxw's bank records obtained. My bet is she is in debt and in poor financial condition, hence her push for possibly dd's money for a disability and also for the increase in cs.
If you can show it is PURELY financial, her motivator, and shoot holes in her story AGAIN, you'll walk away from this.
Imho, I'd go on the offensive against her big time. I'd sue HER for CS, and petition the judge for MORE time with your child. And while that PI is at it..I'd find out if she is skanking around, which makes her AN UNSUITABLE PARENT.
Document every stupid move she makes. All her combative efforts. And find out if she has tried to make your daughter say something against you or if she is planting ideas, b/c then that would also show her an unfit parent too.
I say re expose her, but in a different way this time. Financially and morally. Send her away cryin' from the courthouse! Go PSU go!!!
PSB, great to hear from you. That's awesome about the trip. You made some GREAT memories for your kiddos.
I still think your WW still holds the title in the MB Wayward's Hall of Shame" (along with a few others). You have been an amazing man to hold up through all of her stuff. And this upcoming hearing, just more of her stuff. I agree with SB and you, this is all about the $$ for her. Is she still with the leech OM?
Get PI and have your wxw's bank records obtained. My bet is she is in debt and in poor financial condition, hence her push for possibly dd's money for a disability and also for the increase in cs.
If you can show it is PURELY financial, her motivator, and shoot holes in her story AGAIN, you'll walk away from this.
Imho, I'd go on the offensive against her big time. I'd sue HER for CS, and petition the judge for MORE time with your child. And while that PI is at it..I'd find out if she is skanking around, which makes her AN UNSUITABLE PARENT.
Document every stupid move she makes. All her combative efforts. And find out if she has tried to make your daughter say something against you or if she is planting ideas, b/c then that would also show her an unfit parent too.
I say re expose her, but in a different way this time. Financially and morally. Send her away cryin' from the courthouse! Go PSU go!!!
Geez I hate entitled waywards.
1. No need to get her financial information - I'm three years out and want to get on with my life. Plus, alimony and property division is done.
2. DD has a speech issue, however, she just BARELY qualifies for speech therapy at school. She may try to get SS disability for DD but then she will lose some child support from me.
3. Honestly, I like our current custody arrangement and while exWW is a bona fide Nut Job, the kids like living with her too. In our first custody hearing, the judge acknowledged she was a nut job too. I know she bad mouths me to the kids - school teachers and the school counselor have told me that. Since I have the kids half the time, it hasn't really affected the kids. They avoid me and stay with their mother when we both are at events, but, when they are with me, it is pretty clear the know what's going on and just give their mother lip service when she starts hating on me.
4. Neither one of us has any chance in hades of changing the shared custody at this point. It's the state standard, we have been doing it for three years, and it's been less than two years since the judge's order upholding it. To change it, either one of us would have to prove to the court that the children are in physical danger and keeping the current arrangement would significantly damage the children's emotional well being. That's not happening because by all objective measures the kids are doing as well as could be expected. That's also the meat of my case - reinforce how well the kids are doing in school.
There's a real burden of proof on her to show the judge that there is a real benefit to the kids to change the current arrangement.
I also understand why you don't fight for more time. I'm still in massive debt from my fight and see no need to get into more debt and my WXW and I live in relative peace with little trouble between us.
Granted, your WW is a nightmare worse than mine.
What ever happened to POSOM? Is he still in the picture?
Those kids will rebel against her for the way she bad mouths you. Keep doing what you're doing. Don't stoop to her level and just focus on the kiddos.
If your arrangment works, then great. How will it work with extra curricular stuff for the kids? Is that a big challenge? How far are you from them?
If XWW receives SS didability for herself, doesn't she also recieve money for the kids? When I received SS disability, my dependent child also recieved a check and I was married with a working spouse. I had a friend who was divorced from a man on SSD and he was not required to pay CS because the child received a check from his disability. Judge said it would be double dipping. This was years ago and the rules may have changed, but you might want to look into it.
After a two year period, you can still change custody but the burden of proof is a little lower - she just has to show that the benefits of the move outweigh the drawbacks. Again, she would need a custody evaluator. Also after two years, compliance with orders is a huge factor. She has 4 contempt findings against her since the last order was entered.
sheesh, she just never gives up, does she? Glad to hear things are otherwise going well with you and you got back safely from your trip. I was looking at the MB photos last night and saw your little daughter, the cutest kid I have ever seen! Good to see you, PSU.
I happen to agree om the stupid part, but they still can be dangerous.
I remember a Gen. Contractor who had a pet chimanzee. The pet lit the house on fire with a book of matches, copying the adults.
Your well loved here PSU, and hope your doing well as you are handling the situation that your heart somehow got you into a long time ago. You are not alone, as I have adult children whom I still worry about, because of late WW influence on them.
There's a real burden of proof on her to show the judge that there is a real benefit to the kids to change the current arrangement.
I also understand why you don't fight for more time. I'm still in massive debt from my fight and see no need to get into more debt and my WXW and I live in relative peace with little trouble between us.
Granted, your WW is a nightmare worse than mine.
What ever happened to POSOM? Is he still in the picture?
Those kids will rebel against her for the way she bad mouths you. Keep doing what you're doing. Don't stoop to her level and just focus on the kiddos.
If your arrangment works, then great. How will it work with extra curricular stuff for the kids? Is that a big challenge? How far are you from them?
I learned from the original custody hearing two years ago that this judge is very, very, very hesitant to change custody when the parents originally agree to it.
The kids currently go to school in the town we lived in when we were married. I live about 12 miles north of where the kids go to school (15 minute drive). ExWW lives about 60 miles south of where the kids go to school in a different state. ON the days exWW has the kids, she lives at a friend's three bedroom house with her friend, her friend's 11 year old daughter, and the friend's 40 year old brother in the school district.
The reason why I say it is hard to change an order is that living at the friend's house on her days and the rest of the time at her real house much further away was signed off by our judge. Yes, it is a FUBAR'd arrangement but I don't have much ammo to do any type of protest because objectively the kids are doing really well in school.
Yes, exWW is still with POSOM. He isn't going anywhere - he's a parasite who found a host who feels he can do no wrong. Somehow he has her convinced that she needs him.
Your xWW has to justify her decisions. Why should she go through the motions without having a partner?
More to the point, you dropped a loser without boundaries, how is your social life now?
The custody case is going to get ugly (for her)
My social life is good! I go out a lot - I play a lot of free bar poker. Keeps my mind sharp.
In the YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS S^&# UP DEPARTMENT:
I decided to do a quick search of the Maryland Court Docket and found a couple of nice gems:
1. On Nov 18, 2010, POSOM was arrested for 2nd degree assault and Alcoholic Bev - Endangerment. He was aquited. What is ironic is exWW filed her custody mod on 11/16, and filed a complaint with Division of Family services on 12/9 that I was abusing and neglecting the kids.
2. On Aug 11, POSOM was pulled over for driving with a suspended license from his back child support. He was driving exWW's car.
My project for next week is get the court docs from the assault - it's one more brick in the wall against xWW. All it does is shoot holes in her arguement the kids aren't safe around me.
I'd be saving money for the lawyer, then. If you keep collecting information like this...and you can afford the lawyer, you should have more time with the kids in no time.
Your wife may be trying to get SSI for your daughter's speech impairment. What I read in that email is that she is trying to get the speech therapist and others to believe that there is something more going on. This is probably to build a case that the impairment is going to require longer term therapy, is not "mild" in nature, etc. The SSI people will send something to the school therapist requesting the evaluation information, and your ex will fill out forms. Kids can qualify for money as "disabled" based on speech and language impairments if the disability is bad enough and will require longer therapy to deal with it.
That email has more meaning than your wife being just "dumb". She is up to something. I really would check and see what her activities at the school have been, and if she has been trying to make a case for more therapy, etc.
Check also and see if that SSI check (if your daughter were to be qualified for one) would do anything in the way of affecting your child support. In some states, it doesn't.
It would also bolster your case that you are a good parent if you have visited your kids' school, talked with the teachers, etc., and are being a good dad.....
The bull excrement doesn't stop!!!! Anyways, I had a very eventful day. I went to the courthouse and got the case record of POSOM's 2nd degree assault charges. What I saw was a SHOCK!
Here is the police report:
On 11/18/10 at 1700 hours I was dispatched to somewhere to investigate a domestic incident. Upon arrival I met with the victim,exWW , who stated she had been arguing with her boyfriend, POSOM, and he assaulted her. ExWW stated she came home to tell POSOM the results from a hearing in a case with her ex husband and he began yelling at her. ExWW stated she did not know why POSOM got angry with her, though she could tell that he had been consuming alcohol. ExWW stated POSOM pushed her into the laundry basket and she then fell on the floor. ExWW stated POSOM grabbed a hold of her by her neck and picked her up off the floor. ExWW stated POSOM also grabbed her by her hair as she was walking towards the steps. ExWW stated she was able to get away and as she was running out of the front door she twisted her ankle on the doorway ledge heading out of the house. I noticed exWW to have a red mark on the left side of her neck and also two other red marks on the right side of her neck near her collar bone. ExWW stated the injuries were a result from when POSOM grabbed her neck. ExWW stated she was hitting POSOM while she was trying to get him off of her. ExWW stated while she was near her vehicle POSOM grabbed her and threw her to the ground. ExWW stated POSOM is only violent towards her after he has consumed alcohol.
I spoke with POSOM and he informed me he was using the bathroom when exWW came home to tell him about her case from today. POSOM stated he got angry and pushed her out of the bathroom. POSOM did not comment on the marks on ExWW's neck. While I was speaking with POSOM I could smell a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage on his breath and person.
So, I got home, I was typing up an email to my lawyer about this new information when there's a knock at the door. At the door were two of Delaware's finest to serve me with a Protection From Abuse Order that exWW filed this afternoon. Turns out, she found out about a traffic ticket (speeding), and determined that I should not have custody of the kids and that constituted abuse against her and the children. So, I don't have the kids next week since I am not to have any contact with them.
To top things off, my lawyer is booked at the time of the hearing. Based on the charges, I will easily beat it since getting a traffic ticket is not abuse in any sense of the word. I don't necessarily need him based on the charges. However, I'm going to ask him if a continuance until the custody hearing on Oct 4th makes sense along with a motion to combine the PFA with the custody hearing.
Our custody judge hates her - this is the same judge who admonished her for calling his legal assistant a female dog in the act of mating after the judge denied one of her motions. Plus he admonished her in the past for all her other PFA filings. Never a dull moment!
ugh! I am so sorry for you and your kids, PSU. Will the craziness never stop for you? I hope that judge steps up to the plate and does something about her malicious use of the courts. What an absolute injustice. The depravity and evil of the wayward mind is never ending.
I'm so sorry PSU? I honestly feel you can and should ask for sole physical and legal custody given the body of evidence and that the OM be forbidden from being around your kids.
I'm so sorry PSU? I honestly feel you can and should ask for sole physical and legal custody given the body of evidence and that the OM be forbidden from being around your kids.
We have a custody hearing on Oct 4th. I'll need to talk to my lawyer about what we do now. The thing is, the guy was acquitted, yet, ex WW and the kids continued to live with him. I'm having trouble reconciling the logic in it right now. Especially since she does not want me to have custody of the kids because she claims the kids are in a dangerous environment with me.
Best case for all involved would be for exWW get rid of the bum. At this point, not happening.
Well, she has her history of false accusations and an actual police report documenting violence.
He may not openly be able to use the police report as evidence to change custody, but it might be enough to plant a seed in his head that the kids are safer with you.
Talk to your kids and let them know that if they are ever scared or feel threatened in any way that they should call 911, especially if POSOM is scaring them.
Side note: I didn't wish to thread jack. Mind chiming in on my situation?
I did a little research. In my state, the statute is the following:
A perpertrator of DV is :
(b) "Perpetrator of domestic violence" means any individual who has been convicted of committing any of the following criminal offenses in the State, or any comparable offense in another jurisdiction, against the child at issue in a custody or visitation proceeding, against the other parent of the child, or against any other adult or minor child living in the home:
(1) Any felony level offense;
(2) Assault in the third degree;
LIving with a perpertrator of DV:
� 705A. Rebuttable presumption against custody or residence of minor child to perpetrator of domestic violence
(b) Notwithstanding other provisions of this title, there shall be a rebuttable presumption that no child shall primarily reside with a perpetrator of domestic violence.
It's pretty clear exWW did not cooperate with prosecution - if she did, he would have been found guilty. Unfortunately for her, it would have destroyed her plans to take the kids away from PSUBIKER.
So, she softplayed the allegations to the prosecution while at the same time painting me as abusive to try and cover her tracks.
In a nutshell, she was trying to get the kids MORE while at the same time knowingly living with someone who she accused of a very serious crime - the penalty is up to 10 years in prison.
So, I am going to ask my attorney on Monday to file for Custody with a further provision that the children have no contact with POSOM ever.
So, I am going to ask my attorney on Monday to file for Custody with a further provision that the children have no contact with POSOM ever.
Bravo to you!! And I hope you get it. I predict she may have helped you get that with her RO stunt. Bad guys usually over reach and end up hoisting themselves on their own petard. I hope that is the case here.
So, I am going to ask my attorney on Monday to file for Custody with a further provision that the children have no contact with POSOM ever.
Bravo to you!! And I hope you get it. I predict she may have helped you get that with her RO stunt. Bad guys usually over reach and end up hoisting themselves on their own petard. I hope that is the case here.
That's great PSU. Although this judge is likely worn out from all her petitions this has to be YOUR first one. Might even want your attorney to make that clear by calling it Respondent's first motion ever for primary custody of the children.
In the alternative or contemporaneously, perhaps your attorney can file a restraining order on behalf of the children and ask for a GAL be assigned.
What a nightmare situation. I hope the judge finally listens.
I received two junk emails from you the last two days. I emailed you but don't know if it's an account you monitor anymore. It appears you have a virus of some kind (trojan) that has accessed and is emailing your contacts. My wife had one that all she had to do was change her email address password. Perhaps you can take a look.
I received two junk emails from you the last two days. I emailed you but don't know if it's an account you monitor anymore. It appears you have a virus of some kind (trojan) that has accessed and is emailing your contacts. My wife had one that all she had to do was change her email address password. Perhaps you can take a look.
I received two junk emails from you the last two days. I emailed you but don't know if it's an account you monitor anymore. It appears you have a virus of some kind (trojan) that has accessed and is emailing your contacts. My wife had one that all she had to do was change her email address password. Perhaps you can take a look.
Mr. W
Great. Watch me get arrested for violating a no contact order because my email got hacked.
I received two junk emails from you the last two days. I emailed you but don't know if it's an account you monitor anymore. It appears you have a virus of some kind (trojan) that has accessed and is emailing your contacts. My wife had one that all she had to do was change her email address password. Perhaps you can take a look.
Mr. W
Ditto.
On a different note, any update?
No updates. I filed a motion to have the protection order heard with the custody hearing on Oct 4. If rejected, no big deal. I just have the case heard on Friday.
On another note this just goes to show how ridiculous the whole DV process is. When someone can get an ex parte order granting them temporary custody because they suspect their ex has a suspended license, something is very wrong. Especially since the suspended license was reinstated four days before the ex parte was granted.
Yet, my ex made some very serious charges against POSOM yet she did not request any type of protective order.
Looks to me like the old adage is true in the case of your exWW and her POSOM:
Water rises to meet its own level.
She and he seem made for one another, don't they? I agree that you should file for sole custody. Take a copy of that report into court. Also, try to find out if she even appeared at the hearing when he was "acquitted". Chances are she didn't show to testify. That will also go a long way to showing the judge that the situation with POSOM is dangerous for the exWW, not to mention your offspring. If she will not stand up for herself
then there is no way she will stand up for a child.
Make that point to the judge, if she did not show up to court to make the case against POSOM.
She will wail and whine. Let her. If he is in court, POSOM will make the case for YOU himself. If not, she may very well make the case for you anyway.
We went to court today for the PFA. I had to have the trial today. Anyways, it was dismissed. The judge had to yell at her at the end too. Here are the highlights:
1. I read the police report from POSOM assaulting exWW. ExWW explanation was he was aquited because she testified that she imagined him beating her up. Her imagining things was caused by PTSD from me abusing her and it caused her to believe POSOM was abusing her because of her stress issues. I kid you not.
2. Lots of testimony from exWW that the kids don't like me, don't want to live with me, are afraid of me, etc, etc, etc. She also said I cause problems at kid exchanges.
3. ExWW tried to introduce into evidence a tape recording of the kids saying they did not want to go to my house and were scared of me. The judge denied this. I would like to thank exWW for treating the kids like POW's captured by the Viet Cong. THAT IS MESSED UP!
4. ExWW had POSOM testify. He said the kids tell him they don't like me and it breaks his heart that they have to go to my house. The judge struck this from the record. He then said at kid exchanges I don't say a word, look at the ground, don't hug the kids goodbye, and get in and out of my car as quickly as possible.
5. Judge would not allow me to cross examine the POSOM. She said POSOM affirmed my testimony that I keep kid exchanges strictly business.
6. Judge dismissed POSOM. As he was leaving, he said "this court is a joke"
7. The judge dismissed her case and said exWW should not have brought the case up as a PFA and that her allegations are better suited for the custody hearing. ExWW started screaming, crying, pleading, saying she is scared for the kids. The judge said: "GET OUT OF MY COURTROOM NOW! BAILIFF, HAVE THE CAPITAL POLICE ESCORT EXWW TO HER CAR. ALSO, KEEP PSUBIKER HERE UNTIL EXWW LEAVES AND HAVE CAPITAL POLICE ESCORT HIM TO HIS CAR"
So now you move on to the Custody hearing Oct 4 where you are going for primary/full custody and "no contact" with POSOM????
Sounds like the judge is moving in that direction. Tape recording the kids saying they don't want to be with Dad is just so over the top. She's so buried herself. Only nutbags lose custody and she's giving the judge all she needs to shaft her and she's clueless about it. You say that woman was a college grad and, as I recall, has her MBA???? Wow.
Waywardism...not just your ordinary mental disorder. It's got a stupid stick component as well.
So now you move on to the Custody hearing Oct 4 where you are going for primary/full custody and "no contact" with POSOM????
Full custody with supervised visitation if you can, would be my suggestion. Your WW sounds like a serious nutcase, and this may end up being very dangerous for your kids. You don't want to end up reading about them in the news...
PSU, plz dude get a lawyer. He can shut this down asap. Plz do that.
One thing..when my xwh was spiraling downward and I got wind from my ds that he had been abusive in family home to ow/wife/wistress, I called an attny and began the process YOU are in right now.
Two hearings and voila..SOLE CUSTODY WITH SUPERVISED VISITATION AT MY DISCRETION, and only with me present or somebody I appoint.
And the judge even said for me NOT to let my child around xwh's parents too, and that he supported me on that (xwh dad is a serial cheater and had an affair with a teenager so I am on PERMANENT nc for live with them, and my son is too!). Of course I'd agreed on NC for life with them (the outlaws) also but well before I ever went to court, nice to hear the judge on my side.
Your ww IS DANGEROUS for your kids, and having her present into evidence tapes of the kids BEING INTERROGATED like they were enemy combatants or prisoners of war???? Plz make sure you get a lawyer so they can shut the evil, vile out of control scary alcoholic waywards down for good.
Plz. I don't care how you get the money, borrow it. But get that attorney and also ask that xww and her posom woman beater PAY FOR THE ATTNY COSTS. YOU will WIN this..you can, but you have to be able to know the courts inside and out and only a lawyer can do this. Plz get one. It will be a slam dunk.
The judge may be p.o'd at your xww, and her angry outbursts, but I would seriously SUBMIT also into your next hearing her ability to fly into violent and beligerant fits at a moments' notice, which is ALSO bad for a mother to be able to do.
Our city has attny's here PSU, who specialize in mens' family law issues. Can you find one in your area? Can you?
So now you move on to the Custody hearing Oct 4 where you are going for primary/full custody and "no contact" with POSOM????
Sounds like the judge is moving in that direction. Tape recording the kids saying they don't want to be with Dad is just so over the top. She's so buried herself. Only nutbags lose custody and she's giving the judge all she needs to shaft her and she's clueless about it. You say that woman was a college grad and, as I recall, has her MBA???? Wow.
Waywardism...not just your ordinary mental disorder. It's got a stupid stick component as well.
Mr. Wondering
You spoke too soon. I picked up the kids at school at 3:30. The principal told me the exWW and POSOM had just come by and demanded to speak to the kids. The principal told me exWW told the kids that they were going to Boys and Girls Club after school. DD6 cheered and said "YAY! B&G Club! I'm seeing daddy!" The principal said he had a weird vibe about xWW and POSOM.
Anyways, the kids and I go home, we are watching a movie and waiting for my lady friend and her boy to come over for a night of pizza and X Box.
There's a knock at the door. It is a cop and a DFS worker. ExWW and POSOM went straight to the police station after they went to school and reported that I had molested DD6. So, I had to have my sister come get the kids, they opened up an investigation, and who knows where the kids will be Monday after school.
The cop and the DFS worker said XWW's story was pretty out there but they were following procedures. I gave them a copy of the PFA I filed last week, a copy of the dismissal of the PFA this afternoon, etc. The fun never ends!
I hope they do a thorough investigation, and as my WSIL, your XWW is found out to be the liar she is. I hope in this case, the children will be taken away from her. Seriously, I don't understand the WSs. Even when they have destroyed you by destroying your marriage, they need to take you down with them.
I hope everything works out for the good of those kids, cuz she isn't it.
In my WSIL's case, Child protective services found that SHE made her daughter say that her father abused her. WSIL was then investigated, and on probation with them.
Even the implication that you could be a child molester (which obviously you are NOT) could be quite ruinous...
I know. What I am worried about are the kids being placed into foster care next week while all the stuff is sorted out. My bigger worry is either POSOM or exWW actually did what they accused me of to try and get it pinned on me.
PSU, plz dude get a lawyer. He can shut this down asap. Plz do that.
One thing..when my xwh was spiraling downward and I got wind from my ds that he had been abusive in family home to ow/wife/wistress, I called an attny and began the process YOU are in right now.
Two hearings and voila..SOLE CUSTODY WITH SUPERVISED VISITATION AT MY DISCRETION, and only with me present or somebody I appoint.
And the judge even said for me NOT to let my child around xwh's parents too, and that he supported me on that (xwh dad is a serial cheater and had an affair with a teenager so I am on PERMANENT nc for live with them, and my son is too!). Of course I'd agreed on NC for life with them (the outlaws) also but well before I ever went to court, nice to hear the judge on my side.
Your ww IS DANGEROUS for your kids, and having her present into evidence tapes of the kids BEING INTERROGATED like they were enemy combatants or prisoners of war???? Plz make sure you get a lawyer so they can shut the evil, vile out of control scary alcoholic waywards down for good.
Plz. I don't care how you get the money, borrow it. But get that attorney and also ask that xww and her posom woman beater PAY FOR THE ATTNY COSTS. YOU will WIN this..you can, but you have to be able to know the courts inside and out and only a lawyer can do this. Plz get one. It will be a slam dunk.
Peachy - I do have a lawyer. He had another hearing today and that's why I was Pro Se for the protection order hearing today. Believe me, he knows what he is doing - he is also a volunteer Guardian ad Litem for the court as well.
I'm just running through scenarios here, gotta think positive so I have to go with her being blasted by DFS.
1. File a PFA against her on behalf of me and the kids for the various reasons already mentioned here as well as harrassment.
2. Investigate whether to pursue charges for filing a false police report
3. File ex Parte custody petition, ask for an emergency hearing on the ex Parte. Bring up all the evidence over the last couple of weeks or so. Ask for supervised visitation and mental health evaluation for exWW.
I have an appointment with my lawyer on Tuesday so we should know more about what our options are by then.
Since your children are young, you should be aware that they could have been molested by POSOM and then your XW gaslight them into thinking it was you... Just saying, evidence of molestation has been planted on children before by such a perp, and fathers have gone to jail, lost access to their children and still had to pay child support.
From what I hear from the bench, when the judge hears about this she will be toast.
Praying for you anyways and glad you got a lawyer PSU.
You allready knew it anyways, but this woman is so unstable, I think you should see if their is a way to keep an eye on them so they don't try to skip town. Of course the cops have to act on any calls like she claims, but I hope your lawyer has some way to monitor all this.
Does WXW have any past drug or mental illness issues PSU? Sorry not trying to worry you, she just sounds fried.
Since your children are young, you should be aware that they could have been molested by POSOM and then your XW gaslight them into thinking it was you... Just saying, evidence of molestation has been planted on children before by such a perp, and fathers have gone to jail, lost access to their children and still had to pay child support.
Then you have to realize that if they have seen POSOM beat up your XW and yell at her, and that if he has threatened them into believing that he will kill her or you if they reveal what has really happened, and if she has systematically maligned you and told them stories about what you might have done to other children, that some psychological emotional transference could be at work to validate her claims against you.
You'd better do everything you can to refute, and protect your children from the evil that is in their mother's home, coming from POSOM and HER. Get a play therapist to get to the bottom of what's going on in your children's home NOW.
Amen!!! And if your attny is too MEAK to do the hard, difficult work, then you need to get one who represents THE MALE FACTION and mens' family law rights.
Do get the child's therapist and also REQUEST FROM THE JUDGE THAT XWW HAVE A MENTAL EVALUATION due to all the fabricated stories, false legal filings, and danger she has put the children in.
If you can GET THIS, it is half the battle too. That way you PROVE her mentally unfit to be a parent. You prove that she made all this crap up.
Fwiw, my xwh's ow/wife shared with me that he had been dx with bipolar and also narcissism as she drug him into counseling. That combined with ONE OR TWO SENTENCES from my son saying he heard shouting upstairs, saw through a crack in the door him push her down/pull her hair, brought me into court IMMEDIATELY and I got an EMERGENCY MOTION two days later to have my child removed from their home. I also went to the court clerks' office and got ALL LEGAL AND POLICE records associated with their address and his name. I found out tons. Some little things, some big things. One thing I accidentally found was he had gotten arrested for driving OVER A HOT DOWNED WIRE after a thunderstorm. Their country road they lived on had big trees everywhere, and some had fallen down and hit the road also smashing some poles with live wires. When he was driving my son home from school, there were firemen everywhere trying to deal with the matter, and they told him "sir, it will be several hours until this is wrapped up, so you can't drive down this street until it is safe." He gave the firemen the finger (yea the finger..what a nice father!) and drove OVER THE WIRES with my son and his oc in the backseat. Police were immediately dispatched and he was arrested. Of course the kids weren't taken away though...(shame on my county!)
You NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU WILL FIND if you go to the court clerks' office and ask for ALL RECORDS pertaining to xww and to posom. Pay for them to be copied, read them, and give them to the lawyer. Know posom's date of birth btw.
After my discovery of that, and the cheating and unrest in my xwh's home, everything continued. Less than two months later (during this limbo time I did not allow my child in that home AT ALL despite xwh's pleas)I was back in court and got full custody with SUPERVISED VISITATION AT MY OWN DISCRETION and with myself or somebody I appoint present.
He can never challenge some of the stuff that came out in the final hearing. Not ever. So I nailed that cofffin SHUT.
Although I had more custody than my xwh, it is PEACEFUL knowing my son is forever safe and that we do not have to deal with that person anymore. and no, not all wayward parents are THAT bad, but SOME ARE (like yours) and with them you must leave NO STONE UNTURNED AND DEAL HARSHLY WITH THEM.
Peachy - my law firm has done a pretty good job so far handling everything. I have a meeting with my attorney on Tues. to discuss things. It is going to be a long meeting. I should know a lot more by the end of day on Monday from DFS.
I think it's time for the lawyer to counter with some serious allegations. I can't think of any BIA who would be ok with a obviously coached set of kids being told to say bad things about their father. Is there a BIA in your case? You might want to seriously consider one.
The picture your WW is painting to the judge, however, is one of a very disturbed person and the judge is obviously not buying it.
So you can rest easy a little, I think.
I am very confident about being in MD because the judges here are very fair and give dads a fair shake. At least they do so in the county I'm in.
My lawyer is drafting an emergency custody petition today. It's laying out the craziness over the last three years, her mental instability, the deal about her assault charges, etc. Supervised visitation for her, mental health exam, no kid contact with POSOM. I'm calling her all in.
I'm scared for you. Keep your pistola and recorder on hand at all times. I think "they" are psychotic enough to actually believe their allegations and when they read your attorney's motion flipping everything around on them and how much sense it seems to make (versus their crazy motions)....they are going to go nuts.
Your lawyer will know much better than I about what will work better in your state, jurisdiction, and that specific judge but it seems to me that as bad and aggressive as you want to write it...you'll perhaps be more successful taking a seemingly compassionate route. Almost as if you knew she was crazy from the get go but somewhat crazy and contained was better for your kids than no mother at all. That you've tried and tried to work with her and, as the court can clearly see...she's hung herself and although this MUST be done today...this is NOT what you wanted for your children. It's necessary at this point in time and that down the road...if and when circumstances with her mental condition change you hope you'll be able to work with her again to parent these precious children. Etc....etc...etc.
It's the way men win versus busting through the courtroom doors demanding their father's rights (especially in cases where you've been called abusive and controlling it may be more important to demonstrate the opposite).
This may have been your strategy all along and I'm not telling you anything you didn't already know. It may also be stupid as I'm not a litigator...I just want to help you win so bad.
My lawyer is drafting an emergency custody petition today. It's laying out the craziness over the last three years, her mental instability, the deal about her assault charges, etc. Supervised visitation for her, mental health exam, no kid contact with POSOM. I'm calling her all in.
I live in MD and wish I could camp out and have your back PSU, but not in the political position that would help you, also now I have a record
All I can do is pray, and hope for the best from this seat. Funny I used to be the goto guy for this sort of stuff, back in the early days, but now I would be a liability. Sure miss those days of being a resting place for troubled people, a safe house where people knew there was no violence allowed, even the self abuse of drugs Reason and self control reigned
Please be sure to have a cool headed friend around and if you have a local policeman that you know nearby, have him come by and make his presence known
The county cops are different that the city ones, in baltimore anyways, but they know about the crazies here, and would like to be aware of what's going on, I know one personally, I hope you do also
If you have a big enough wall around you, it might scare off the animals. Walk softly but carry a big stick, and have a bunch of friends around so you don't get to jumpy
God bless you and your quest to end this crap brother
Your lawyer will know much better than I about what will work better in your state, jurisdiction, and that specific judge but it seems to me that as bad and aggressive as you want to write it...you'll perhaps be more successful taking a seemingly compassionate route. Almost as if you knew she was crazy from the get go but somewhat crazy and contained was better for your kids than no mother at all. That you've tried and tried to work with her and, as the court can clearly see...she's hung herself and although this MUST be done today...this is NOT what you wanted for your children. It's necessary at this point in time and that down the road...if and when circumstances with her mental condition change you hope you'll be able to work with her again to parent these precious children. Etc....etc...etc.
It's the way men win versus busting through the courtroom doors demanding their father's rights (especially in cases where you've been called abusive and controlling it may be more important to demonstrate the opposite).
This may have been your strategy all along and I'm not telling you anything you didn't already know. It may also be stupid as I'm not a litigator...I just want to help you win so bad.
Mr. W
That's been my strategy. I sent her a custody proposal a month ago which covered exactly what we are doing and what I considered were OUR best practices for holidays and such.
I'm scared for you. Keep your pistola and recorder on hand at all times. I think "they" are psychotic enough to actually believe their allegations and when they read your attorney's motion flipping everything around on them and how much sense it seems to make (versus their crazy motions)....they are going to go nuts.
Wayward indignation and entitlement run amok.
Mr. W
Crawled out of my hole to say .....
(((((((( PSU ))))))))
Can you sew a little GPS into each child's backpack? Just in case the morons try to run off with the kids. They would get stopped at airport security, even if the GPS is no longer working !!!!!
My lawyer is drafting an emergency custody petition today. It's laying out the craziness over the last three years, her mental instability, the deal about her assault charges, etc. Supervised visitation for her, mental health exam, no kid contact with POSOM. I'm calling her all in.
Bravo to you, PSU!! Putting all of her behavior in a linear timeline should tell a very shocking story.
All is relatively quiet. Have not heard anything from the detective investigating things nor DFS. I'm taking that as a good thing. Yesterday, she filed a motion to have the kids testify in the custody hearing. Here's what she said:
- both children have verbally asked to be heard - they want to express where they feel safe and where they do not - they want to expres where they want to live.
- Both children want to express their feelings and have requested to do so to myself and others several times
You may want to discuss with your lawyer about obtaining a very good Child Psychologist to interview your children. You do know that your children are being coached on what to say. A very good Child Psychologist will know how to get to the truth.
I don't know if they have them in MD, but many courts offer court-appointed special advocates for kids. These are people who volunteer, working on behalf of the children only. The represent the children, not any adult, to the court. They work for the court, not for any attorney, and report to the judge. They establish a rapport with the children, and are the "voice" of the child to the court. They do not care if any adult's "feelings" get hurt - they work on behalf of the child only, in the best interests of the child only, and help the court dig into what the child is thinking and has to live with...what the child is going through.
It might help in your case, because CASA type volunteers are made for cases where a parent or others are exerting influences on children, or when adults are causing kids to feel pressured to make decisions as though they are adults
and kids are not adults - they cannot be expected to make these hard decisions.
Just an idea to explore. Maybe it would rescue your kids from the rock and the hard place.
Your WW is digging her own grave with this. It's clear she doesn't have an attorney because no attorney in his right mind would let her file such a motion.
She's not familiar with the family courts. She's obviously oblivious to the things that people do that courts look down on.
She's basically hanging herself by doing this stuff.
I would request a BIA to be appointed to represent the children, but only if you have the funds for it.
All of this will cost you money, I'm afraid, but a court appointed psychologist would be good.
But no self respecting court would put children on the stand to put them on spot and ask them to pick between their mother or their father.
I'm also pretty confident that whatever coaching your xwife tried to do with the kids will backfire on her. She's proven herself to be completely incompetent therefore I fully expect her attempt at lying to the court through the children to be wholly ineffective as well.
Trust the professionals to see right through her scheme as you sit back as the calm, rational and reasonable "victim" of her attempts to game the system...AGAIN. From your perspective...you should be seemingly sad at just how transparent her misguided efforts are and how pathetic she has become. Might even throw in a "isn't there anything we can do for her...she really needs a psyche evaluation....I'm so hesitant to say anything that appears like I'm trying to exploit the situation but this is not the woman I've known for 20+ years...something is seriously wrong with her"
And I'm not suggesting you ACT that way (acting will be just as transparent)...she is pathetic and does need help and she'll always be their mother. Your concern is on behalf of your children (and conveniently...their best interests).
I'm also pretty confident that whatever coaching your xwife tried to do with the kids will backfire on her. She's proven herself to be completely incompetent therefore I fully expect her attempt at lying to the court through the children to be wholly ineffective as well.
Trust the professionals to see right through her scheme as you sit back as the calm, rational and reasonable "victim" of her attempts to game the system...AGAIN. From your perspective...you should be seemingly sad at just how transparent her misguided efforts are and how pathetic she has become. Might even throw in a "isn't there anything we can do for her...she really needs a psyche evaluation....I'm so hesitant to say anything that appears like I'm trying to exploit the situation but this is not the woman I've known for 20+ years...something is seriously wrong with her"
And I'm not suggesting you ACT that way (acting will be just as transparent)...she is pathetic and does need help and she'll always be their mother. Your concern is on behalf of your children (and conveniently...their best interests).
Mr. W
This is good advice, and since all have spoken on how to protect yourself from XWW craziness, I wanted to back up your conscience in dealing with your Children in this.
So I tried to think about what the good book says about when women fall off the edge like your XWW did, and relate it as kind as I could to you because your Daddy, and you are doing all this for the good of all of them.
Proverbs 23:21-23 King James Version (KJV)
21 For the drunkard and the glutton shall come to poverty: and drowsiness shall clothe a man with rags.
22 Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old.
23 Buy the truth, and sell it not; also wisdom, and instruction, and understanding.
________________________
Now as far as crazy sick women go, my wife became one, and it was hard to tell my children that they needed to now be protected from the women who once loved them so much. Some things that were in the background became clear in thier heads, because the children were DD19,DS17 and DS14 when she had to be revealed as an addict, but thing had been brewing for years. So it helped them to see so much, that I had been trying to bear for so long on my shoulders, and even taking the blame for while working with my wife to get proper help. The escapisim wasn't helping her anymore.
But the kids know right from wrong and what are lies and what is fair and what they can't process emotionally is why. The fair of why did this happened to Mommy, is something you will have to deal with as a Dad, will be something hard for you, because Mommy will allways try to blame you as long as she is sick, and that might be forever.
As suggested the cool calm rational sad Dad who has watched his WW deteriorate, is not only the bravest and most noble strongest appereance, it is also the one the children need the most for the rest of thier lives.
We know its not an act PSU, my heart goes out for you.
Get as much good help as you can, it will be worth another morgage, for your kids.
Solid stuff. Will write more later, but what you�re doing clearly outlines things which have already been confirmed and upheld by the courts and are really transparent to see.
Does she have an attorney or is she still trying to do this on her own?
There�s also this angle to things: You�ve generally minded your own business and have been living in relative peace with the WXW for several years now. All these allegations are baseless, haven�t held up, and are coming out of the blue now. The question should be, besides her mental state, why now?
What is her motivation in doing this stuff? Has OM had money taken from him and they have to get it from you now?
You�ve been in minimal contact with her all these years, correct?
WOW! What a day! I called the DFS investigator around noon, and she told me DD6 was at the hospital going through the forensic interview. 10 minutes later, I found out from my lawyer that the judge rejected our ex parte. I was very, very, very down at that point. My lawyer said we were going to have to ask for a continuance for the Oct 4th hearing already scheduled to protect my 5th Amendment rights.
At 4pm, I called the case worker. I asked her for an update, and she said ABSOLUTELY!.
I couldn't have hoped for a better outcome. Nothing, zilch, nada. She also has significant concerns about exWW's mental state, the fact that she always files this junk when we approach court dates, etc. Also, exWW threatened to have the case worker reported for doing a bad job, went nutz, etc. Typical of exWW when she doesn't get her way. Emotionally bully someone to get them to conform.
The case worker called the school principal to tell him the update. She said he is going to be my star witness for the custody hearing. He thinks exWW is nutz, plus, POSOM has been extremely pushy with him and has badmouthed me to the staff too. Plus, he is a single dad like me who does the week on / week off custody of his kids too.
I told the case worker that we filed an emergency custody petition too. She told me I did the right thing. Guess what? She is also getting a subpoena for Tuesday.
I'm not sure what is going to happen on Tuesday. Technically it is her petition and since the judge denied my exParte, not sure if I can even ask for custody on Tuesday. Then again, judges have a ton of discretion and with my witnesses, he may not have a choice. Should be interesting!
WOW! What a day! I called the DFS investigator around noon, and she told me DD6 was at the hospital going through the forensic interview. 10 minutes later, I found out from my lawyer that the judge rejected our ex parte. I was very, very, very down at that point. My lawyer said we were going to have to ask for a continuance for the Oct 4th hearing already scheduled to protect my 5th Amendment rights.
At 4pm, I called the case worker. I asked her for an update, and she said ABSOLUTELY!.
I couldn't have hoped for a better outcome. Nothing, zilch, nada. She also has significant concerns about exWW's mental state, the fact that she always files this junk when we approach court dates, etc. Also, exWW threatened to have the case worker reported for doing a bad job, went nutz, etc. Typical of exWW when she doesn't get her way. Emotionally bully someone to get them to conform.
The case worker called the school principal to tell him the update. She said he is going to be my star witness for the custody hearing. He thinks exWW is nutz, plus, POSOM has been extremely pushy with him and has badmouthed me to the staff too. Plus, he is a single dad like me who does the week on / week off custody of his kids too.
I told the case worker that we filed an emergency custody petition too. She told me I did the right thing. Guess what? She is also getting a subpoena for Tuesday.
I'm not sure what is going to happen on Tuesday. Technically it is her petition and since the judge denied my exParte, not sure if I can even ask for custody on Tuesday. Then again, judges have a ton of discretion and with my witnesses, he may not have a choice. Should be interesting!
I am soo happy for you! I think it is going to work out fine. Your poor kids though.
Q: Is your ww using or has she ever been a drug user? What about posom?
Their behavior is so erratic, I am wondering...
But she is 100percent in this for the $. The fact they both DO NOT WORK should be used in this case against them, as they cannot PROVIDE AT ALL FOR THE CHILDREN. Sorry, i know times are hard for people out of work, but these two are dregs of society right now, and aren't working for the noble reason millions of Americans are out of work right now. These two idiots DON'T want to work, which is totally different.
The judge is going to have a hard time ignoring that parade of witnesses. Since it's a custody hearing, then all the stuff you have will be brought up and it will absolutely be factored into the decision making.
I'm very confident that there could be some chamber discussion between your lawyer and the judge unless such a thing is not allowed when the other person represents themselves.
Regardless, the situation warrants an argument that must be heard and you have the witnesses now to back you up.
This is all positive development for the eventual outcome, though it sucks to have the kids go through this.
If your WXW tries to bring the kids in, that will seriously backfire as well.
Q: Is your ww using or has she ever been a drug user? What about posom?
Their behavior is so erratic, I am wondering...
In my opinion, she would be the type to self-medicate, or just one of those "Screw everybody I will do what I want to", rebelious fools that have that attitude, of "poor me, I'm righteous and gonna get mine"
So drug abuse tends to be the norm with these,"Poor souls.."
Glad the courts are on your side, and it looks like a win for you PSU in the long run. My concern is for your safty now, because of the treachery and deciet she has exhibited in the past, and how she is going about this crazy attempt.
She seems almost suicidal, and those types have no regard for other peoples lives either.
Don't want you to panic, but protect yourself and have good friends near ok?
I'm actually more concerned about the kids. It's terrible what they're going through now, and with a crazy WW in the mix it can get a lot worse.
Yes Mim that is the big concern with me also. but if they lose PSU they will fall into the system and it will be worse in the big picture.
How would they lose him? Such a great guy who cares for his kids? I hate to be an alarmist and get him spooked, but there are a dozen ways this could go south, and that is why he needs friends for protection. Ones attached to the law if possible, and ones who do not panic.
I have no doubt he has the nuts to go Dirty Harry on them if they show up at the house, thats not the answer for those kids, that will be a bad scene that will haunt them forever, even though he might bury them, the ghosts will be around allways.
Just want to know those losers will never have a chance in he11 to get those kids, and that this is not any more traumatic than it has to be for them.
Lets hope they get arrested, locked up, and otherwise distracted from getting the children to use as income, which seems thier strategy because they sure don't want to work for it.
My concern is for your safty now, because of the treachery and deciet she has exhibited in the past, and how she is going about this crazy attempt.
I'm actually more concerned about the kids. It's terrible what they're going through now, and with a crazy WW in the mix it can get a lot worse.
I'm supposed to pick up the kids on Monday. The principal told the case worker he wants her to put together an action plan that will prevent exWW causing problems at school.
I know all this feels awful for you, and I don't want to minimize any danger from psychotic people losing control, but in many ways I see this as having the potential to shape up well for you and your kids in the long run. Our family has gone through the court system for kids that were genuinely molested and abused due to parental abandonment and neglect. As frustrating as it was to see the courts give the awful bio-parents so many chances to redeem themselves, and as simple as the requirements for success seemed to be to me, the attorney we hired to represent the children told me (multiple times--I was hard to convince), "Quit worrying. They will never be able to pull it off." And he was right.
Your WXW seems to be in full melt-down mode. There are many witness in various professional communities--people with no personal ax to grind, who are therefore able to give very credible, unbiased testimony. There is an extensive court record of false filings, perjuries, and off-the-wall behavior before the judge...who doesn't like WXW much, does he? She is attempting to get the kids to give false testimony against you. For the courts, that's a HUGE no-no where kids are involved. If WXW doesn't know it yet, she should soon find that out in a big way.
So be careful of yourself and protect YOU from physical or devious interpersonal attacks, and be prepared for at least some rough sailing after it's over, trying to get the kids settled down and back on track. But really, my experience with family court, parental rights, etc. over the past decade leaves me encouraged for you and the outcome. Legally, I don't think this is going to go well for her. It's what she might do illegally if she loses custody to you that concerns me, and if you get full custody, you should see if it's possible to have supervised visitation only. My experience with that is that the supervised parent is generally resentful of this requirement, and so visits less, out of pique. So requiring supervision might end up having less visitation than is legally allotted.
So many angles, so many decisions to make. I'm glad you have a good attorney. And I'm really, REALLY glad the judge doesn't like your ex. Frankly, I don't see her doing much to change that opinion, either. Good luck.
I'm supposed to pick up the kids on Monday. The principal told the case worker he wants her to put together an action plan that will prevent exWW causing problems at school.
I am speechless. I also see good things in the long view, but rough sailing just ahead.
I'm supposed to pick up the kids on Monday. The principal told the case worker he wants her to put together an action plan that will prevent exWW causing problems at school.
I am speechless. I also see good things in the long view, but rough sailing just ahead.
Me too....
the village surrounding your children are circling the wagons and have publicly chosen sides
We seem to have a lot of cyclists on this site! Maybe we should plan a MB Bike Tour????
Now, as for you being a "Nit"....all I can say is I am so so sorry,...you see, we Buckeyes know you couldn't help it you went to a lesser school! LOL!!!!
So, re-thinking the bike tour thing....every April, folks down here cycle from Houston to Austin in the annual MS 150. It is a fabulous event...no comparison. My company has a HUGE team with tent and all at the mid-way point. Anyone on this site who would like to join the ride can ask the Mods for my contact info and I will gladly help you join our Team. I will gladly host all MB-ers who want to ride at my house the night before the ride and the night after the ride. Accommodations in La Grange would be part of the Team accommodations...
We seem to have a lot of cyclists on this site! Maybe we should plan a MB Bike Tour????
Now, as for you being a "Nit"....all I can say is I am so so sorry,...you see, we Buckeyes know you couldn't help it you went to a lesser school! LOL!!!!
PSU....my brand new Cervello S3 would open our door to you if you want to ride with our Team. I am like a kid who was given a Ferrari for his 16th birthday! I am no where near worthy!
That's a nice bike! WH has that one too. i have a specialized roubaix. PSU, i wonder if you were there when we were in 2003-2005, we mingled a lot with the cycling and triathlon crowd.
As always psub, best wishes in your struggle for your kids. One thing I always admired about you, is that even with all the crap your ex and her posom give you, you only try to protect yourself and your kids not send her over the edge into oblivion. You could do it if you had 1/10 of her bitterness. She is most definitely bat $hit crazy.
That's a nice bike! WH has that one too. i have a specialized roubaix. PSU, i wonder if you were there when we were in 2003-2005, we mingled a lot with the cycling and triathlon crowd.
I was there from 93-97. Last time I rode up in State College was in 2002. IMHO State College is the best place to live on the east coast if you are a cyclist. Did you ever do the Black Mo ride?
PSU....my brand new Cervello S3 would open our door to you if you want to ride with our Team. I am like a kid who was given a Ferrari for his 16th birthday! I am no where near worthy!
I ride a custom steel Waterford 1100. Waterford was an unofficial sponsor of the cycling team when I was in school. It is a REAL Schwinn. When Schwinn was sold in the early 90's, Richard Schwinn kept the Paramount race frame shop in Wisconsin. SInce he couldn't keep the name, he renamed the brand Waterford.
The frame is going on 17 years old now. I had it refurbished in 2002 - the factory re-aligned it, full repaint, etc. That's beauty of custom steel. It was the frame I won the 1996 Eastern Collegiate Cycling Championships on.
PSUBiker, I hope you don't mind a little off topic and personal question. If you don't want to answer I understand.
With all the legal wrangling you have been going through how are you handling the lawyers bills?
When I was facing divorce one of the main hurdles i faced was how to pay the lawyers to try and protect my kids.
Thank you for your example and courage.
My folks have been helping a bit, once the QDRO's splitting out her retirement to me are processed, I was going to cash those out to pay my fees. Plus, we are going to go after fees for this latest fiasco as well as reopen fees for the alimony - we spent three hours in court back in January debating whether POSOM and exWW were boyfriend - girlfriend. ExWW swore under oath they were not. 7 weeks before the alimony hearing exWW filed a police report against POSOM stating he was her live in boyfriend.
My fees with all the false PFA's, alimony, etc could have paid for two years of in state tuition at Penn State.
Just chilaxing before tomorrow. I do have kids today. First time in 3 weeks I've seen them. DD6 is her normal self. DS8 seems a little off. I can definitely see signs of badmouthing from the ex and POSOM.
Aaaarrrrgggghhhh. I get an email from exWW. Actually, it was written by POSOM asking for a continuance tomorrow. If you go by the email, exWW had a spinal tap on Friday, the 30th. Then, today she was admitted to the hospital because of a complication of the spinal tap. POSOM just sent the email. My guess is my lawyer will want to push forward and ask for a default judgement on her petition. Since exWW will not be there tomorrow, not sure what will happen.
Continued until January. Status quo until then. My attorney said it smells too. Hospital examination on Thursday, ex ww looks like fool, then medical procedure next day.
Well, I looked at the "documentation" exWW sent. Turns out her "discharge" report from her procedure on Friday was for a migrain and back pain. She knew her goose was cooked. Let's see what she and POSOM come up with now.
The only thing it seems holding OM & exWWs "marriage" together is their mutual hatred of you. I wonder if there is an angle you could use to your advantage in that?
Not to defend your exWW, but sometimes migraines and back pain do get spinal taps to check for spinal pressure, meningitis, all sorts of fun things.
And, if you have migraines, and you get a spinal, there can be some nasty side effects.
Headaches AFTER a lumbar puncture can be extreme. It's known as a rebound headache whereupon they drained some spinal fluid and didn't keep her on her back long enough afterwards. The drastic change in spinal fluid pressure causes a "rebound" effect and thus, a rebound headache. Rebound headaches, in my experience don't last 4 days.
Sometimes the needle entry point doesn't heal properly and can have complications (continued draining being one of them...especially if she intentionally picked the scab off).
I would think no one would fake an illness and sign up for a lumbar puncture voluntarily. I know waywards are crazy and your wife takes the cake...but even that is over the top when SOOOOO many other options are available. I have a friend that gets lumbar punctures regularly and asked him if he needed to get out of court which would he choose...cutting himself and getting stitches or voluntarily getting a lumbar puncture. He choose stitches. Seriously...she's broke...she could have gone to the hospital and faked ANYTHING to get out of this. Then again...she IS nuts.
Did she email/call your attorney too? Otherwise, I'd never have made any indication I got the email. POSOM has no interest in this case...if she wants an adjournment...she can show up in court and ask for it.
Mr. Wondering
p.s. - Why JANUARY??? That seems like a long adjournment. As I recall is this actually her motion so the court thinks it's pushing back her and her bogus claims until January? Can you attorney get in with the Judge's clerk and get a sooner date? Can you now file your OWN motion and get YOUR motion (and you'll get to go first) heard sooner?
Not to defend your exWW, but sometimes migraines and back pain do get spinal taps to check for spinal pressure, meningitis, all sorts of fun things.
And, if you have migraines, and you get a spinal, there can be some nasty side effects.
I kind of thought it might have been a meningitis check. You would think that someone wouldn't have scheduled a tap 4 days before a custody hearing. POSOM used exWW's email and included a vague Dr. note. We found out during the hearing it was faxed to the judge's office too.
Headaches AFTER a lumbar puncture can be extreme. It's known as a rebound headache whereupon they drained some spinal fluid and didn't keep her on her back long enough afterwards. The drastic change in spinal fluid pressure causes a "rebound" effect and thus, a rebound headache. Rebound headaches, in my experience don't last 4 days.
Sometimes the needle entry point doesn't heal properly and can have complications (continued draining being one of them...especially if she intentionally picked the scab off).
I would think no one would fake an illness and sign up for a lumbar puncture voluntarily. I know waywards are crazy and your wife takes the cake...but even that is over the top when SOOOOO many other options are available. I have a friend that gets lumbar punctures regularly and asked him if he needed to get out of court which would he choose...cutting himself and getting stitches or voluntarily getting a lumbar puncture. He choose stitches. Seriously...she's broke...she could have gone to the hospital and faked ANYTHING to get out of this. Then again...she IS nuts.
Did she email/call your attorney too? Otherwise, I'd never have made any indication I got the email. POSOM has no interest in this case...if she wants an adjournment...she can show up in court and ask for it.
Mr. Wondering
p.s. - Why JANUARY??? That seems like a long adjournment. As I recall is this actually her motion so the court thinks it's pushing back her and her bogus claims until January? Can you attorney get in with the Judge's clerk and get a sooner date? Can you now file your OWN motion and get YOUR motion (and you'll get to go first) heard sooner?
The court calendar's are that backed up. My petition and her petition will be heard at the same time. Winner take all. Most likely though status quo.
POSOM used her email address. She also sent a request to the judge's office via fax. I'm more affraid what she and POSOM will cook up next. I am fully anticipating she and POSOM will file a complaint with the MD DFS in the next week or so.
Gaaaahhhhh. My attorney sent me the case notes from the investigation from DFS. Turns out it was exWW and POSOM that made the allegations. POSOM also went with exWW to take DD6 to the exam and interview at the children's hospital.
Lots of good highlights:
- Principal said the school knows exWW uses a false address in the school district and lives in another state -The investigator from the case in Dec 2010 said mom had an agenda, no concerns with dad, major custody battle - DD interviewed, nothing of concern was disclosed, exWW wasn't happy and was talking about all the injustices done to her. -ExWW upset with the results of the interview and did not talk rationally -ExWW talking real fast and not making any sense. She will not be happy with the outcome of any investigation -ExWW said she was not happy with our judge. Wants a new judge, will request that the custody case will be heard in MD. -Principal said Father is always pleasant and lucid, mother the opposite. Mother always brings POSOM to school with her. He can be rather intimidating and threatening.
If I were you, I would either record every conversation with her (if this is legal), or have a witness to any and all interactions with her (and who accompanies you with your children everywhere) who would be willing to testify on your behalf.
Do not tell her that you have this witness with you when you have the children. I would make sure that I was NEVER alone with the children, and document who was with me at each and every turn, so that I could hand the DFS worker the "witness calendar" so they could interview each and every witness you have documented. This will take the wind out of her sails immediately, and also show the court the extent to which you have had to go to protect yourself against her ridiculous claims.
I am serious here. You are at risk, and it is very easy to have another person simply spend the evenings/nights at your house when you have the kids, follow in another car when you go to get them, go to dinner with you all, etc. The more, the merrier. You probably have lots of friends, you could ask them to rotate duty. If I lived near you, I would volunteer a night, just to put this woman DOWN.
Ditto on that. And I would get a PI to document what they are doing. I would bet anything she is living some kind of crazy possibly addicted lifestyle. Beg borrow and ask relatives to help you get a PI.
Ditto on schoolbus' last four words. DOWN. It's like a prize fight, a nasty custody issue with a seriously bad wayward. They go down, get knocked down, but in their fogged out psycho haze, they will stand up and try to keep swinging but they are just more impaired in their condition. Keep going on the offensive, and one of the next blows your legal counsel delivers will finally be enough and your opponent, the psycho xww, will not have a leg to stand on, legally, and she will just be down for the final count. We declare the winner, PSU Biker!!!
Like dealing with a long term plan A with a ww, plan f-u and plan "deal with a psycho ex in the courtroom" is not a spring..it is sometimes a marathon.
Took me a few years to finally wait until I had the perfect angle and got my pop shot in and xwh went down, legally-speaking w/regard to his stupid custody stuff, for the last time.
Let me tell you PSU, having your kids free and clear, with ZERO contact wtih a serial wayward and mentally ill/immoral person is liberating!!! When the judge read the words giving me full custody and for ME to decide if and when he EVER sees his child again was like a 10,000 ton weight was instantly lifted off of my back and my blood pressure went down about 20 points.
PSU, just a thought, could you get a nanny cam type of setup with sound? That would suffice, if you have video and audio of your visits wtih your kids. it would be admissable b/c you are taping yourself. Get it? That would be an easy way to also make sure you are not being set up by a vicious and desperate wayward.
What advice is your counselor giving you about the case?
I am sure he/she/they get this kind of allegation quite often. (I mean, it is very common nowadays in custody fights)
Are you getting a plan of action from them? So they feel there is credibity/threat to your case because of this?
My brother had a simlar issue during his divorce. His atty Set up interviews (and did the recording and followups) and blew FSIL out of the water in court.
She did not get disciplined in court, tho..(she should have)but it really made her look bad in front of the judge, Protective Services and Friend of the Court.
I made sure this info was given to teachers and principal of son's school, too._ Her name bacame mud, and she was not encouraged to voulenteer after.
Tried to say child was "afraid" of his father.. did not want to visit his father
Things like videos of son gleefully running into his fathers place (--dated during the visit that right after she testified the kid cried in her car for minutes -- BEGGING her not to force him to go in.)
I don�t think there is a need to live like a prisoner. All her allegations have been shot down and she�s lost all credibility.
The more normal you look, the better. Just live and spend your time with your kids as normal.
Exactly. She has no credibility with the judge, DFS, the school, and the kid's counselors. DD6's counselor used to be a DFS investigator too and she is more worried about the emotional fallout with DD6 going through the process last week.
For the custody case, most of our evidence is gathered - the only thing we lack is a mental health evaluation on her which we are requesting.
Worst case for me is we keep status quo for custody.
There's a danger for men of legislative over reach and over doing it in court in terms of going after the other parent. That's what she is doing right now.
So it's best for PSUB to look normal and let her look like the crazy one, which is what is happening.
There's a danger for men of legislative over reach and over doing it in court in terms of going after the other parent. That's what she is doing right now.
So it's best for PSUB to look normal and let her look like the crazy one, which is what is happening.
I agree. This pair of wayward dimwits do not possess the tactical ability to win this game no matter how they play it. Reacting to them only hurts his case. They've already buried themselves...so don't help them dig themselves out. BE the sympathetic figure. Men that win in custody disputes GET custody awarded to them almost benevolently...they rarely, if ever win when they DEMAND/INSIST UPON custody.
Sidenote: If xWW had any smarts she'd have pursued an affair with a 60+ year old Texan driving an Allante at the outset of this instead of this broke loser POSOM. He could have then sold the car to pay (errr....bribe) out of state pit-bull attorney's and profit seeking counselors in order to alienate you. Absent the Allante, quite a few more years of life experience and divorce/custody battle experience from two prior divorces, our old friend LiARRY and POSOM are basically the same guy. Just ask POSOM and I bet he, too, THINKS he's the hero of the story, when, in fact (as you know), your kids (and wife for that matter) are none of his dang business. I think you're safe but I pray posom never gets the chance, in say 12-15 years, to ask your/his [barf] step kids (who by then wouldn't know the difference) if they regretted him doing "what he had to do" [barf] to "save" them from you.
OM Step-dads = pond scum They are NEVER heroes Real heroes...Real friends...keep their pants on There is no justification or rationalization They can never make a wrong, right.
There's a danger for men of legislative over reach and over doing it in court in terms of going after the other parent. That's what she is doing right now.
So it's best for PSUB to look normal and let her look like the crazy one, which is what is happening.
I agree. This pair of wayward dimwits do not possess the tactical ability to win this game no matter how they play it. Reacting to them only hurts his case. They've already buried themselves...so don't help them dig themselves out. BE the sympathetic figure. Men that win in custody disputes GET custody awarded to them almost benevolently...they rarely, if ever win when they DEMAND/INSIST UPON custody.
As Sun Tzu says, when your enemy is destroying themselves, let them. ExWW and POSOM have no strategy.
POSOM is a bum - no other way around it. As such, he lives day to day and things nothing about a week, month, or year down the road. He has convinced exWW that's the way to go. Bad for her, good for me.
Her whole strategy in the last month is reflective of that.
1. PFA - all of her allegations do not even meet the definition of abuse. Yes it got the kids away from me for a week so she can brainwash them. But, since it was dismissed, it would have backfired at the custody hearing two weeks later. It did nothing to help her case and probably would have hurt it.
2. The allegations. I think her plan was to have them hanging over my head at the custody hearing thus giving the judge no choice. Allegations that serious are fast tracked and she did not anticipate things being cleared up in less than a week. S
3. She never anticpated the fallout. She lied to the school, and made a donkey of herself in front of DFS and the Deputy Attorney General. DFS and the school are now our key witnesses for the custody hearing. Her best witness is POSOM.
We had the custody hearing on Thursday. All in all, a gigantic waste of time. I had mentioned earlier that our plan was to keep status quo - the burden of proof for both of us was way too high. hte law in Delaware is in order to change custody within two years after a court order, you have to show there is imminent physical or emotional harm done to the child if the current arrangement stays. After two years, the burden drops to where the benefits of the move will outweigh the harm done to the children by changing the custody arrangement. The two year thing is important - I'll get to that later.
Anyways, exWW wanted the kids to live with her and go to school where she lives two hours away in another state. She said her proposal would have no effect on the 50/50 shared custody arrangement. Her proposal was for me to have them from after school on Friday to Sunday evening every weekend during the school year. Then, every other week during the summer. So, basically, fuzzy math on her part. The kicker was she wanted in the agreement that all children's activities would take place in her town. The judge blasted her for this. Basically saying your proposal sole intent was to eliminate PSUBIKER from the kid's life and give you total control over what they do when he exercises his parenting time - she said her intentions were to sign the kids up for sports every Saturday and show horses on Sunday. Which means, I would be making a 3.5 hour round trip commute with the kids every day I had them on the weekend or have to just get a hotel room every week. The judge pointed that fact out to her as well.
She then went into the rant that the kids don't like me, they are affraid of me, it will be to my benefit not to have the kids so I can concentrate solely on work. (I.E work hard so she can get more child support) When you get down to it, I would work every week, have the kids ever weekend. Basically, a slave to her whims and a free babysitter for the weekends. No time for PSUBIKER. The judge said her proposal was very selfish.
She also said the kids were struggling in school, and that changing custody would give them a chance to get their grades up. Basically my fault in her testimony. Problem? During cross examination, my lawyer admitted into evidence the kid's report cards where it showed the kids were getting all A's and B's. For her rebuttal, she entered in DS9's report card from last year where he got 1 C the entire year to show he was struggling. The judge said the kids were making excellent grades and by the teacher's comments, they are excelling in school. This kills her credibility. It shows she really is not concerned with the kids.
We presented her arrest report when her boyfriend was arrested. She said:
- he was found not guilty because my PTSD caused her to have flash backs imagining that it was PSUBIKER assaulting her.
- my attorney then said: "Even though you called the police to report that he was committing a crime against you, he injured you, you testified on his behalf at the trial to his benefit?
-ExWW -" yes. The police officer wrote down everything wrong on the police report. I am appalled that POSOM's reputation is being slandered here"
-Judge- "POSOM's criminal history is just as relevant as yours and PSUBIKER's criminal history. I am required by law to know this information"
-My Lawyer: "You stated earlier that you want PSUBIKER to participate with you at all the kids activities. Yet, you filed 4 PFA's, had him arrested once, and filed to complaints with DFS. You are not really scared of PSUBIKER, are you?"
-ExWW - "unintelligible gibberish"
After exWW testified, my lawyer moved the court to dismiss her petition. The judge agreed and dismissed it. I never took the stand. The judge specifically told her she offered no evidence as to the benefit of the move for the kids - her testimony is not evidence.
The bad news is she can file another petition for custody next week. Why? The previous order was signed on Jan 27, 2010. So, the burden of proof drops. I don't expect it to end, but she is up poop creek without a paddle at this point. Why?
- The judge pointed out that she VOLUNTARILY moved to [edit] because of her horse business that she testified was losing money. He was very specific that the kid's nor myself should have their lives disrupted because of her choice.
- He also pointed out that the current custody order was only contingent with her living at her friends house in the DE on the days the kid's had school. SHe testified she is no longer maintaining that arrangement. Again, he pointed out that she was the one who made it difficult. My lawyer says if she files and she says she lives in MD, my lawyer will just ask the judge to enforce his previous order.
Family COurt judges get a bum rap at times. My judge is excellent - he quickly saw through her manipulations with her planned arrangement. THe good thing is my state has a one judge, one family policy in family court. He knows the backstory and does not give into exWW's emotional hysteria.
Let's see: Your wife has broken a happy marriage, floundered a promising business, destroyed the domestic life of her kids, defrauded the IRS, engaged in the life of a man who is alcoholic and will not pay child support to his own children, and further she has been to a home for anxiety issues...
What will it take to have her put away in a mental institution?
Let's see: Your wife has broken a happy marriage, floundered a promising business, destroyed the domestic life of her kids, defrauded the IRS, engaged in the life of a man who is alcoholic and will not pay child support to his own children, and further she has been to a home for anxiety issues...
What will it take to have her put away in a mental institution?
It will take either her doing something to me or the kids.
I was looking just yesterday to see if I could find an update on your family...apparently, shortly before you wrote this. You've surely been through the wringer, sir, you have indeed. If the judge says he has to know POSOM's criminal history, does (or can) he actually take in into account in determining custody issues? The upside, to me, is that your XW must have left court just as angry and frustrated as usual. Poor gal, she just can't get a break!
I will NEVER say, " Now I've heard it all"' because every time PSU updates, it is an entirely new crazy scenario. Thank god about the one family, one judge law. Could you imagine starting over at square one with a new judge? Holy toot.
I would ask the judge next time to look at the big picture of all that has happened and all that has been alleged and to give you primary custody with an every other weekend arrangement for her in order to give the kids the most stability and to protect them from both her irrational behavior, the false accusations, and the POSOM and his violent habits.
I can't understand how WW clings so tight to OM that can not provide for her financially well.
For the same reason pimps are able to control women, it's more like slavery than a voluntary relationship, idiots like that just don't have the sense to be ashamed of what they do.
Hey guys! It's about time for a new update. Anyways, PSUBIKER has a new girlfriend who is absolutely wonderful. We have a ton in common and just plain old have fun together.
As for the job search, I am going back to work on July 2nd. It is a consulting gig with a company doing validation work with a major pharmaceutical company in PA. The bad news is it is north of philly, about two hours from where I live. However, it pays about 25% more than what I got at my old job and has full benefits. So, a decision is going to have to be made about what to do with the kids.
I'm planning on moving - I can't do that commute. Where I would move would be where all of exWW's extended family lives since it is about 30 minutes from my new job. Plus, it is in one of the top 5 school districts in the state, so good schools for the kids.
ExWW had hinted a few weeks ago that she wants to move back to where her family is. I'll believe it when I see it. Either way, the kids will have to go to a new school next school year since neither one of us will be living in the state where the kids currently go to school at. It's a really tough situation but bottom line is someone has to work to support the kids and my new job is in the children's best interest.
As for my bike riding, I've lost 60 pounds since the beginning of the year, and am under 200 pounds for the first time since 2001. I've done a few bike races, won one. I also entered a triathlon on a lark last weekend and did really well - 5th in my agegroup, was in 4th place overall after the bike leg. So, I have some good fitness but just need to learn how to suffer while running.
Because of my result, my fitness, and my new job, I needed to have a goal to keep me focused on my fitness and not slip into old habits. So, I entered the Savageman Triathlon in mid September. It is a 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike leg, and a 13 mile run. The bike course is widely regarded as the hardest triathlon bike course in the world - it is steep, relentless hills with one hill maxing out at a 31% grade. If you make it over the 31% hill without falling over, you get a personalized brick laid into the pavement of the 31% hill. Pretty cool!I want a brick!
Overall, things are going to get busy in the next couple of months but I am looking forward to it
Thank for the update. Will the company reimburse you going to Law School or is that something for later? Earle Mack at Drexel University appears to be a little on the north side of Philly.
Thanks for the update. I'm an old registered rider who has gone to seed.
I am glad about the new lady. Will she move with you? Very glad that you have stayed with bicycles rather than killing the poor ponies with a 260 lb carrying load. Great to hear that you have a target set up. Hope that you enter the Hollywood walk/hill of fame with your brick in the pavement.
Guess I am waiting to hear that your ex wakes up from the Marlbora fantasy. No news?
Thanks for the update. I'm an old registered rider who has gone to seed.
I am glad about the new lady. Will she move with you? Very glad that you have stayed with bicycles rather than killing the poor ponies with a 260 lb carrying load. Great to hear that you have a target set up. Hope that you enter the Hollywood walk/hill of fame with your brick in the pavement.
Guess I am waiting to hear that your ex wakes up from the Marlbora fantasy. No news?
I used to race too but the seeds were replanted this year. It is never too late to get back into fighting shape.
What are you thinking about doing with the kids? You only have 2 options: 1. Petition to move with them and have you be the primary caretaker or 2. Leave them to the WXW.
My vote is for the first, but you have a mountain to climb to make the case.
What are you thinking about doing with the kids? You only have 2 options: 1. Petition to move with them and have you be the primary caretaker or 2. Leave them to the WXW.
My vote is for the first, but you have a mountain to climb to make the case.
I think PSU is counting on WXW wanting to move to that area too as that is where her extended family is. (sadly...most likely OM's family also)
What are you thinking about doing with the kids? You only have 2 options: 1. Petition to move with them and have you be the primary caretaker or 2. Leave them to the WXW.
My vote is for the first, but you have a mountain to climb to make the case.
I went with option C. Turns out, my drive is "only" 75-90 minutes from my house to the new job. I ended up hiring a nanny to help me out with the kids. It's not ideal. But, it is working out better than I expected.
Here's an update:
I started a new job on July 2nd. It's a consulting gig with a pharmaceutical company that's gotten in some trouble with the FDA. The job is great - the only problem is it's 90 minutes from where I live. Between that, the commute, kids, training, and girlfriend, I just don't have much bandwith to hang out here.
The week after I started the new job, I came down with shingles. Let's just say, shingles SUCKS! Good thing my girlfriend is a Nurse Practitioner in gynecology at a large university. She diagnosed it as soon as the first blisters showed up, wrote me a script for the anti-shingles drug and some lidocaine gel, and was able to manage it so the I was only in bad shape for about 5 days. I still gritted my way through my second week of work without calling in.
Either way, at it's peak, I felt like someone was removing my kidneys with a butterknife. I was lucky that it hit me in my abdomen / kidney area. It could have hit up high (head/face) or nether regions. I had two wisdom teeth removed in May, the doc gave me some Percocet after the extractions. I was able to get by with just Tylanol. For the shingles, I was glad I didn't use the Percocet for my teeth a couple of months prior!
In August, I was surprised with a custody filing by exWW. In it, she said she enrolled the kids in school out of state without my knowledge, or my consent and against the injunction she put in place when she made the filing prohibiting her from moving the kids out of state.
After some quick thinking, I got a copy of the injunction, a copy of the custody order, sent them to the principal and superintendent of the school she enrolled them in, and was able to get the kids back to their regular school by me after the first week of school. Needless to say, our judge was not very happy with her.
We had the custody hearing on Halloween, still haven't heard the judge's decision. I think it went well for me - I can't see how the judge can rule in her favor since he already set the precedent three years ago that the kid's current school is what is in there best interest and there hasn't really been any change in circumstances on my part since then.
In September, I did the Savageman Triathlon. It is the hardest half iron distance triathlon in the world. It is known for the "Westernport Wall" - a 1.5 mile climb with an average 17% grade, including one 200 yard section that is at 31%. If you make it over the 31% section with out falling over or putting your foot down AND you finish the race, the race organizers engrave a brick in your name and embed it in the pavement on the Westernport Wall.
Here's a You Tube video of the steep section of the wall (I'm at the :40 - :50 second mark on the yellow bike, black helmet, black jersey)
I did really well considering I had never run a half marathon in my life. I was in third place overall in my age group after the bike. Unfortunately, my run is a huge work in progress and I ended up walking the last six miles of the run. Nevertheless, I finished and got my brick! For next year, I've been working hard on my running - helps that my girlfriend is a track coach and I expect to finish top 5 in my age group!
All in all, it's been a great year for me. I lost 70 pounds between January 1 through Sept 15 (put 15 back on but it's the offseason), was able to achieve the same level of cycling fitness that I had when I was on the cycling team in college, realized that I was a dope for not doing triathlons when I was in my early 20's, have a kick [censored] job where I am leading a project that is cutting edge in pharmaceutical logistics, and have an awesome girlfriend.
I finally feel that the hellfires of 2008-2011 are fading in my rearview mirror and I am looking forward to a very bright future!
Long time no see! Looks like it’s been about 12 years since I last posted. Finally, 12 years out, the drama has stopped. WWxW stayed with the POSOM until he croaked a crappy, protracted painful death in winter of 2021. I was remarried to the woman I started dating during my last post in 2012. We are still going strong. A lot has happened, and everything WWxW had continued to do from 2012 to 2021 was always in the best interest of POSOM. Not her, not the kids. Here’s a quick run down of the drama. That’s what happens when a massive alcoholic is running things in your house.
- spring 2013, judge held WWxW in massive contempt of court for enrolling the kids out of state in school. He “punished” her with placement. So, no more 50/50 shared. The judgment was like a bad ending to movie out of left field. Crazy. Basically, since I work, WWxW did not, the kids are with her. - Summer 2014, WWxW is arrested for hitting POSOM, WWxW files a PFA stating POSOM is raging, violent alcoholic. Of course, it goes to court, and the two of them blame the cop for exaggerating and both their cases are dismissed. This is incident # 2 that I know of where one of them is arrested for a DV incident and the cop lied. - Winter 2017, adolescent DS15 at the time is lashing out at POSOM. Of course, WWxW and POSOM decide to put DS in a mental hospital for his safety, also, they happen to tell intake that I have a history of molesting the kids. (This is now PA, I’ve stayed in DE). They fail to mention that all their claims have been fully investigated by DE, and our judge already told DE CPS that any claims by WWxW have to hit his desk before CPS can investigate because of WWxW’s history.. - What this does is prevent me from seeing DS or talking to staff. They know I’ll show them the multiple DV reports filed by WWxW. - a couple of weeks after he is released, I get a call from POSOM to come pick up DS. WWxW is out of town for some reason. He’s acting out. I live 90 minutes away, it’s the middle of a snow storm. I ask POSOM why he didn’t activate the crisis plan. He doesn’t answer - We pick up DS, he’s missing a chunk of hair, he’s trembling. We make a police report, call PA CPS. POSOM convinces WWxW that it was all DS’s fault, they in turn convince the police and CPS not to file charges. - We just got a new judge, our original judge passed away. This new judge is known as add another zero. She always punts litigation, never makes a decision, never upset status quo, and she dismisses our custody petition despite the evidence of DV. She believes WWxW that it’s always someone else’s fault. - April 2018, a friend of DS asks how he’s doing after the fight, I ask her what fight? She says he and POSOM were in a fight and POSOM was arrested - I sleuth, POSOM was arrested, he beat the [censored] out of WWxW, DS took a hammer to POSOM’s windshield and windows to distract POSOM from his mom, POSOM arrested, no contact order is in place, POSOM’s daughter who is a state trooper pays for a new apartment for him. -June 2018 POSOM pleads guilty to lesser charges, WWxW and I are getting along fine, I’m thinking everything is OVER -Labor day 2018, DS is acting out, I ask him what’s up, he says WWxW moved POSOM back in - I file an emergency custody petition, we now have ANOTHER judge who is a hardliner - Oct 1, 2018, I present my case, outline the history of DV. WWxW says POSOM is the loooovvvvveeeee of her life. NEVER addresses the DV in her house and says I’m a jelous BH. The judge is FURIOUS as WWxW.
The ruling:
- sole legal and physical custody to PSUBIKER - WWxW has SUPERVISED visitation with the kids, no overnights
- I enroll kids in good private schools. DD thrives, DS struggles, he acts a lot like POSOM - Fall 2019, DS is kicked out of private school for being a [censored]. Real reason is WWxW is blaming the school for his behavior, and says they need to change their ways. We’re not huge donors. We don’t have the big di#$ to swing around at the school - I enroll DS in local school, not a very good school but only option. WWxW starts filing crap again. Blows up my email and voicemail with screaming rants, etc. - I file a PFA, she loses, no contact with PSUBIKER for 2 years! Yipee! - fall of 2020, POSOM has a massive aneurysm, and is in the hospital. He can’t talk, smoke, drink, and only eats through a tube. Lol! - Since its COVID, the hospital tells WWxW that she can’t visit anymore due to COVID, or, she can just stay at the hospital, so, she stays in the hospital with POSOM. For 5 months. Never leaving. Has to quit her job. She nearly runs out of money and has her sister bring her food! She nearly loses her house. Doesn’t see the kids form5 months. - DS is now 18, a senior, struggling in school, so, WWxW has him go to her house and take care of the horses for her. He’s 18, has his own car, is emancipated by state law. I can’t stop him. He somehow graduates high school. - POSOM kicks the bucket in Feb 2021. The LOOOOVVVVE of WWxW’s life. , - DS finds a job in summer 2021 as an electrical lineman and takes off like an eagle. He gets involved in an unsuccessful union drive for his yard, the union notices him as smart, ambitious, and hard working, and ask him to join. He cleared 6 figures for 2023. He’s been to Florida for storm repairs, etc. He has his own apartment and is thriving. He’s still sarcastic, but he’s grown up a lot - By this time, the kids are both free range, DD is 16, driving, and set her own schedule with WWxW. The PFA expired, and WWxW is a completely different person - we are at a pre homecoming get together in fall of 2021 and WWxW introduces me to her new BF. She knew him from college, professional. According my Dear Wife, WWxW is dating me again! Lol What happened with wanting to be with a horse person? He’s a good guy, a little nerdy, but, WWxW is happy for the first time since she met POSOM. - WWxW let’s me handle the college process for DD - March 2023, DD receives an appointment to the Naval Academy! If POSOM was in the picture, no way DD would have gotten an appointment. Losers beget losing. WWxW is enthusiastically on board, her BF now fiancé was enlisted for Gulf War 1 and paid for college on the GI Bill. - May of 2023, WWxW goes up to my wife and thanks her for being a good mother to DD when she wasn’t. - Summer 2023, DD calls WWxW and I and wants to quit Naval Academy during Plebe Summer. We’re both on the exact same page and tell her she’ll be working at either WalMart or Amazon for six months while all her besties are posting their best college life on Instagram. DD decides to stay. -October 2023, WWxW and mine Best Man comes to the Navy-AF game, Best Man had not talked to WWxW since before she met POSOM. He tells her you look and act exactly like the last time I saw you. She tells him she was mentally not well for a long time. It’s clear WWxW has worked on herself once POSOM died.
Naval Academy is its own drama and WWxW have been a United front for helping her navigate it. We get along great. I look back at what a total waste WWxW and her relationship with POSOM was. It came within a whisker of destroying me, mentally destroyed WWxW, DS was in a very rough period, and DD struggled too.
for any karma bus run downs on WS's and XWS's
thank you 
![[Linked Image from planetsmilies.net]](http://planetsmilies.net/skipping-smiley-1898.gif)
know. I could tell.
Nooooo Waaaaaay ! ![[Linked Image from 2.bp.blogspot.com]](http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_spYvpiAjPuE/TTNZ020JvnI/AAAAAAAAAKk/OiwZZ5S9CvE/s1600/blog%2Bred%2Btailed%2Bhawk.jpg)
I hope that judge steps up to the plate and does something about her malicious use of the courts. What an absolute injustice. The depravity and evil of the wayward mind is never ending.
