Marriage Builders®
Posted By: YEG Pros and others please - 06/13/10 07:17 PM
Guys im having a tough weekend. Ive been thinking for weeks now the WW was on the verge of recommiting to the M. Now she is telling me she is seriously considering moving out.

My thread is in my sig. I know its the weekend and slow. Ive gotten some good advice. I just feel terrible and really need some extra help today.

Thanks guys in advance. This weeks drama starts at about page 29.
Posted By: believer Re: Pros and others please - 06/13/10 09:07 PM
As long as there is any contact with the OM, don't expect her to want recovery. Relax a little and try to enjoy the day. This stuff takes time. I see your FIL is against the A, and that is very good. Keep asking him for support in saving your marriage.
Posted By: DisplayName Re: Pros and others please - 06/13/10 10:18 PM
YEG, i am so, so, sorry. i should have read this new post before i replied w/ some flippant BS about running.

my quick-quote doesn't work on this computer, but i'm sure you can recall the essentials.

listen: i believe she has burned through her savings on purpose. on some strange level subconscious level that maybe only WWs possess, she knows that her mind is effed up and that she can't be trusted to do the right thing for you, for your child, or ultimately even for herself. maybe she knows that if she's financially independent, she will run away simply because because she can. she also knows rationally what a foolish and self-destructive decision that would be. so she's deliberately made herself dependent to stop herself from doing something dreadful. (on the con side, this tactic means she can still rationalize to herself that she WOULD leave, only she's "stuck".)

every passing feeling feels to a WW like a revelation of ultimate truth. i believe she really WAS getting back on track and had a bit of intense emotion derail her.

i'm glad your fully prepared to go Plan B if her actions require it, and i'm glad you see the truth: that life will be MISERABLE for her in Plan B.

THIS PART'S IMPORTANT: if you DO go Plan B, and if she comes back penitent and remorseful and ready to commit fully, DON'T SECOND-GUESS HER MOTIVES. circumstances will tell you, "sure, she's had enough of being broke and she's groveling back because she depends on me. lucky me." in fact, though, just like the pain of physical exertion clears your head and allows you to see things for what they are? some people can't evoke that and use that as a tool. some people need to have painful circumstances "just happen" before they can see reality truly. it may be the jolt she needs to get her mind right.

i hope it doesn't come to that. as always, praying for your family.



Posted By: TheRoad Re: Pros and others please - 06/13/10 11:18 PM
Starting new posts won't help.
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