You were a tweaker?
At what age did you start?

Did not want to thread jack.

Thanks.

Bump

Thanks for putting this on the other thread.
This is exactly the info I was seeking.
Muchas gracias.

I was a tweaker�very much so. I started smoking pot in the 8th grade, started with LSD in the 9th, and started doing coke and crank in my late teens. My best friend�s brother at the time cooked the stuff, so I was around it a lot. I will say that I loved acid and ecstasy so much more and would often trade the stuff for X tabs, MDMA powder, and acid hits. I guess I just loved to feel good. I was pretty much off the deep end with this stuff. When you�re into this stuff, you�re entire world revolves around it. When the powder got too much for the nose, then we�d swallow it or shoot it. There�s nothing like seeing someones vein explode when they�re trying to inject it. I�d be up for weeks at a time and it sure didn� t make you want to get out of the lifestyle when you could easily sell the stuff or rock the coke up and sell it as crack. It�s amazing what people will give you or do for you when they�re addicted to the stuff and you have plenty of access to it.

I will say that my first marriage pretty much fell apart during this time. The drugs were not entirely to blame, but they didn�t help for sure. And I somehow managed to get into college and keep my grades up.

I tell ya, I�ll always have the desire to do the stuff. The memories aren�t nearly as glamorous as I thought they were when I was using. I won�t lie and say I didn�t have some really good times. But I won�t lie and also tell you that I had some really horrible times that I�m lucky to not be in prison, dead, or homeless. Awhile back (years and years ago) I got ahold of some stuff and did it. And I just felt terrible�like my body was immediately just worn out. I really don�t know how I was able to do what I did and still be alive or not have some disease. You know you�ve gone downhill when you�re sharing needles.

At this point in my life, I just don�t associate with people like that. It�s not that I couldn�t get something�pretty much anything if I wanted too. But I don�t and I have to say away from people like that or the temptation just gets to be too much. It doesn�t take much for someone that really likes the stuff to get back into it. And it�s not a climb to get to the bottom�it�s pretty much a straight fall, it just happens that fast.

The only way I found to keep myself clean (aside from beer on the weekends) is to stay away from it. This means keeping those people that deal with it out of my life. It also means a lifestyle change and picking new hobbies and people in your life. 1 person is too much. Because when there�s 1, more are not far behind. Honestly, addicts and dealers don�t want anything to do with people that do not have the same interests in mind.

I think the only thing that I liked even more than all of this stuff was steroids. But that�s a totally different topic.

Thanks, kid.
( I am 60 so this gives me certain privileges )

My H is 14.5 years AA sobriety.
Booze, no drugs.
But, I have had only limited exposure to speed addicts.
So, I wanted to make sure I was correct about a 50 year old suddenly becoming a crack ho 2 years ago.
Very Un likely.

As an RNP, I was very used to dealing with prescription drug seekers of all ages.
Liars, all.

I was also experienced with steroid users.
I remember one in particular.
A cop.
I did his physical, and he had acne nearly head-to-toe.
I mean A C N E beyond belief.
I did not ask if he was using steroids, instead I asked HOW LONG he was using.

You should have seen his face

Glad to meet you, Irish man in a kilt.

And your parents did (....) about it.
How did they cope?

One of our kids is an addict.
He's keeping it "controlled" right now.

He's 24 and not living with us, so there is little we can do about it, except protecting ourselves from his consequences.

It SUCKS big time to be the parent of an addict.
I hope you never experience this.

<~~~~ me

You're very correct. Now people will do things and blame it on a midlife crisis. Of course buying a motor cycle is a bit different than deciding to suddenly start (or restart) doing speed. Most of us that dabbled in it remember the bad times started to outnumber the good times...the jail, the paranoia, the scare of STDs and other diseases, being robbed, guns pulled on you, etc.


Of the people that I had any contact with later after I got out of it, almost all of them did not and are either in prison, homeless, or dead. I saw an old associate of mine not too long ago on the side of the road panhandling as everyone was getting stopped for a sobriety check. He was hard to recognize�but it was him. It really hit home the reality that that could�ve been me. Old, worn down, toothless, half bald, and panhandling to get another fix. This is inevitably where speed addicts that do not get control of the drug by removing themselves from getting the drug end up. And the girls that were �crack/coke whores� just got passed around. It was really sad. But in that lifestyle no one cares. The dealers and the ones with connections pretty much call the shots and those that are addicted end up getting desperate for the fix do anything and sometimes get dangerous. The whole situation is really ugly and vicious.



I hated that downside�acne. With steroids you have to be so careful in hiding it. I remember breaking out, gaining 30 pounds very quickly without really any fat gain, and my sex drive going up the roof. My wife at one point was going, �Okay�what are you taking?� I told her I was taking over-the-counter andro (we all remember that from Mark McGuire). I remember thinking at one point �damn�here I am using needles again.� One morning I was running late during student teaching and couldn�t be late. I had put two needles down and couldn�t find them and didn�t have time to look for them. I had just hoped my wife wouldn�t find the needles. Guess what? She did and I got a phone call asking why she had found 1 syringe and 2 needles. It�s kinda funny when your first thought is to try to say that you�ve become hooked on injecting heroin�funny in that, why in the hell is that a better excuse as to why you have needles. And then I thought I�d tell her I�d become diabetic. Of course I realized that was stupid as she�s a nurse and knows what an insulin needle vs a 23 gauge needle looks like. So I had to admit to the steroid use. I think it�s weird. But a lot of people will judge a steroid user a lot more harshly than any other type of drug abuser.


You too!

Well, a lot of denial at first, then bribery, and then removing of privileges. Then in and out of really nice psychiatric and rehab hospitals that insurance paid for and were more like a vacation than anything else. Then when they couldn't handle it, they would send me to live with my grandfather. of course he was an alcoholic and an enabler and would often leave for 3-4 days a week to go stay with his girlfriend and leave me at home alone...you know what's awesome when y ou're a teenager? When you have a party house every weekend. It makes you very popular.

One of our kids is an addict.

He might just have to hit rock bottom�whatever his rock bottom is. I�m sorry you�re having to go through this. For me, I just had to kinda crash and come to my senses.

Kilted, thank you for sharing and congratulations on being drug free. That is so huge. I'm like Pep, old enough to be your mother, and to hear that you have beaten your demons is a wonderful thing.

Pep, all I have to say is ((((((((Pep)))))))

I agree with Kiwi...except for the old part

Pep, I think I have posted to you before regarding my drug addicted teenage years, but just in case I didn't, I wanted to share my story with you.

I started smoking pot at 13 (having sex, as well), and moved into crystal meth and acid relatively quickly. I didn't like pot, I LOVED crystal meth, and any kind of speed I could get my hands on. Loved it. I liked acid, but ended up on some really bad trips.

My parents had me put into a foster home at 15. They were terrified of drugs. I used to think that if I just drank like other kids, they would have been able to handle that, but drugs, no way. My dad was totally beside himself with rage when he found out.

Then my siblings (who some of which drank, but non did drugs) were put in the middle of this war between my dad and me.

I ended up getting arrested by my uncle, who was a detective, and thrown in jail because juvie was full. My dad told them to keep me there for awhile, and then my probabion officer went to the judge and requested, as did my parents, that I be taken out of their home because it was too stressful for me. She was looking out for me and didn't think my parents were handling the whole thing too well.

I have not done a single drug since I was 17, not even prescription drugs. I have no desire to. I did not carry any kind of desire for drugs with me. (I do desire wine, but that is another story).

What changed for me? I missed my mom terribly. I use to go out to lunch with her while I was in the foster home, and then she would drop me off afterward and I would die inside a little. I missed her so much. She was so kind and loving when she took me out to lunch but she never asked me to come home. She would take me shopping sometimes and buy me cute outfits for school, but then always the same she would drop me off at the foster home.

I started dating a guy who did not like drugs at all, and he was one of the popular jock types at school. He was a farm boy. He taught me to ride, to drive, to take care of live stalk. He was wonderful. He told me right out if I did drugs he was history.

Then my grandma called me and said why don't you ask your mom if you can come home. She misses you so much. So I did and she said yes. I have never touched a drug since, nor have I wanted to. (I do like wine, so I don't want anyone to think I embraced total sobriety, although I did not drink anything for 6 and 8 years respectively when I was younger. Just had no desire to.

I know many, many druggies, some dead, some recovered, none still using (I am 50) and have known them most of my life. You can't know who will recover, who will relapse, or who will die from the drugs.

All you can do is do what you think is right for you and all concerned.

You can't gage if what you do will have the desired effect on the druggie. There just isn't any way to know this.

Protecting yourself is the right thing to do. He will either come around or he will relapse.

I came around because a few things lined up in just the right way at the time, and because I missed my mom and dad, and they had shown me that if I was using, I could not be a part of their family. And I met a boy I really liked who felt the same way.

I was a very lucky little girl that I had people like this in my life, because I would have ended up dead if I didn't.

I was on drugs for two years straight without a day off in between (15 to 17) and I was hanging out with some of the nastiest, roughest, scariest people you can imagine at the time.

I think what it takes is a totally different mindset.
I had no desire to do them after I quit, but my mindset had completely changed. That lifestyle and the people in it no longer appealed to me.

I think that is why they say "change your mind, change your life".

I cannot imagine living with a craving. I honestly believe that if you change what appeals to you, you can get rid of the craving for good. This what I did with drugs, and with cigs, and with my ex.

But, if you try to feed it while moderating it, you are fighting a losing, growing battle. You cannot moderate drugs, alcohol, cigs, etc, if you are an addict.

Your mindset has to change.

I'm in AA right now for wine, but I still want to drink sometimes if I am around it, unlike drugs or cigs, so I know my mindset hasn't changed.

Maybe this is the way it is for some druggies, but I cannot imagine being able to moderate, or control it's use, if that is what you meant, Pep. It will not work. The happiest day of my life recently was when I finally figured out that I didn't have to drink at all. I had been trying to moderate drinking wine for so many months and it was getting so hard, when I finally realized "hey, you don't have to drink at all, you know" LOL, what a light bulb moment. It sounds so stupid, but it was an unbelievable moment for me.

Of course wine is so excepted, you cannot turn on the TV without seeing someone drinking wine, and you can function while drinking wine. While doing drugs, I was pretty much non-functional, at least not in any logical way.

All these women old enough to be my mother. Geez. Well, 'cept for Lurioosi and that would be weird since she's only 8 years older. Have I told y'all that I once dated a 44 year old right after I divorced? I was 21. That was a fun few months.

Weaver, I had no idea. You're both heroes.

OK, it's getting late. For a second I thought Kiwi was telling kilted that he was a hero for dating a 41 year old woman.

LOL! The relationship essentially came to an end because it was really just built on fun to begin with and after the newness wears off...sometimes it aint so much fun anymore.

And she wanted to get remarried. I was too young for her to be marriage material and she was too old for her to be marriage material. She was a very good friend of the family and my mother would've flipped out if she knew she and I were 'friends'.

But I'll take being a hero!

Say what?

Ohhhhh...that comes from one time my wife said I moved at the pace of a turtle. I corrected her saying more like a thousand angry mud turtles. So she had to ask if a thousand angry mud turtles moved quickly. I said, "I don't know. But would you want to get in the way of a thousand angry mud turtles?"

So we both agreed that there�s powerful progress with a thousand angry mud turtles. And then we high fived each other.

I won�t tell you about the conversation revolving around the discussion on a the fury of a thousand mating tigers.

We have Beanie.
A desert tortoise.
One would think Beanie moves so slowly that one would always know where he is.
Beanie does move slowly for the most part .... When he is NOT in any particular hurry.
But, when he is in a hurry, he books it.

The imagery of A thousand mating tigers is vivid with possibilities.
LOL

How very "Mrs. Robinson"......

Glad to meet you too Mr. Kilteredskirt.....though I have to say reading this story was very ummmmmmmm..... ......only because its a world I know nothing about. I've been a naive soul....

I do have to ask though, why was it you liked the steroids above all the others?

Not

I think to some extent that I suffer from B.D.D. (body dysmorphic disorder). I hadn't really thought about it until the other day when I was on one of my forums and one of the guys on there posted up a pic of this girl he was dating and asked for advice on how to convince her that she didn't look fat when she was convinced she did.


We all thought she was absolutely crazy for thinking she looked fat. However, she genuinely had a very negative view of herself. So this got a discussion going on to some extent those that spend a good amount of time in the gym might just also suffer from b.d.d. because we�re never really happy and constantly criticizing the way we look even when 99% of the people around us think we�re crazy for thinking this way. For example, Arnold in his prime always thought he had really small triceps. I carry single digit bodyfat and still look in the mirror and think that, you know, I could lose here�it�s time to diet again. Think of the opposite of the girl that is Ethiopian thin and still thinks she looks fat. Some of us look in the mirror as we gain muscle and think I�m just not big enough yet. We�re gaining muscle but we see it everyday and don�t see the small changes.

Then some of us take it to the extreme and look at steroids. I mean, you get into the lifestyle enough and you almost start getting in with an �underground group�. And all you hear are the positive affects of steroids (as long as you know what you�re doing and are knowledgeable on the subject). No one advocates irresponsible usage.

I can tell you that while using steroids, I got much stronger faster than I normally would have. I gained more muscle faster than I would have. Recovery time was very little, so you could push yourself harder and be back in the gym much faster. You could go very low calorie for cutting fat while keeping all the muscle. And, unless you�ve been on cycles, one just doesn�t understand the euphoric feeling it gives. People respond to you differently�and no it�s not just in my head. It�s almost like you give off an air of confidence much more than you normally would have. It�s like feeling on top of the world, and people respond to that. It�s really hard to describe�but that�s kinda it in a nutshell.

Whether I do suffer from b.d.d. who knows? But it made for a pretty good conversation.

Thank you for that reply.....

I asked because during H's A he also started doing the those (nothing like finding needles in his trash can when I was REALLY looking for clues on his A and OW....... ). He quit that right after the A ended as well. Well, that was another of my "boundaries". Anyway, after reading all you wrote on the other stuff, and then saying you like the roids above all else, I asked H is opinion on doing those....he said he liked the "short-cut" to a great body, which was VERY important in "Affairland".....

Thanks again.....

Not

You're welcome.

One thing I've come to notice is the way people react to people that do steroids. You could be a heroin user and people will say you have an addiction and need help. It's acceptable to smoke pot...because, well, everyone has done it at least once in college (just saying what most people say), you're hooked on pain killers and people understand that slipper slope and it's just not a big deal.

But you do steroids and you're one of 'those' people. You're a dirty steroid user. At any moment you're going to flip out in roid rage and kill or maim someone. You're one of those dirty needle users. I mean, geezzzz...schools can't afford text books or desks and we're spending billions investigating teh baseball steroid scandal.

The other thing is everyone has their mind up about steroids with really konwing anything about them. It's like I really disliking black people because your parents disliked black people. I mean, you don't really know why you're a racist...you just are and you're repeating some rhetoric you heard from someone else but don't even know if it's true.

Link to NIDA statement

Now I get why people compare mania to being on steroids. Now that I read that I get it. And those of us who have bipolar disorder are often addicted to their manias. That is why so many go off meds. Interesting.

Pepper, yes, some of that is true. Most of those are temporary. For example, the cholesterol issue can be combated with fish oil. And some steroids will impact cholesterol levels much more harshly than others. But this is temporary�limited to when on use. Liver enzymes do rise when using AAS but those can also be controlled using milk thistle. Liver enzymes are much more noticeably impacted with oral steroids than injected steroids and even then, a study was shown that after about 3 months liver enzymes were completely normal ( Int J Sports Medicine 1996 Aug). Fluid retention is pretty much directly related to estrogen and there are SERMs for that. Not to mention that there�s a huge difference between IM steroids and oral steroids in the way the body reacts and processes them. And anabolic steroids are going to have different effects than androgenic steroids. Another interesting phenomena is the rising of testosterone replacement therapy as they�re finding out the lowering of testosterone is leading to a lot of health issues. And they�re starting to see that they were wrong in relationship to prostate cancer. And let�s not talk about birth control being classified as a steroid and all the crap it does to mess with hormones. I don�t think a lot of women realize they�re taking steroids when they�re taking birth control pills.
I know we�re not debating�just thought I�d throw some things out there. Just a few other things�
There are so any different steroids that impact the body differently. If a man is disposed to male pattern baldness, some (namely trenbolone) can kick start this quicker than normal (DHT issues). Acne can be pretty common. However, some steroids actually combat gyno and some steroids have no impact on gyno at all. No adolescent or child should be using anabolic steroids period. No one under 25 that has not been training a minimum of five years should be touching this stuff and that hasn�t spent at least a year researching the side effects. Women should definitely stay away from anabolic steroids�some androgenics won�t cause those negative issues. I will say I have not known a single steroid user to share needles or not be extremely cautious with needles.

This reminds in a way of other information my doctor gave me like I was eating too many egg yolks (I usually eat 6-8 eggs a day) and she told me that my cholesterol was going to be dangerously high. My cholesterol levels are low. Dietary cholesterol has little to do with blood cholesterol; however, doctors and nutritionists will tell you that they are directly related when the research refutes this. I had a nutritionist professor (and again my doctor) that told me I would have renal damage due to my high protein intake (I usually eat 200-300 grams a day). Nope�liver enzymes are fine. Most of those studies done didn�t take into account that there were already renal issues going on.

I know this sounds like I�m a huge advocate of steroids. What I am an advocate of is people in their 30s and over being able to go to their family doctor and have much easier access to test treatments. There�s really no reason why I should not be able to have my GH and test levels the same as when I was in my early 20s. Go to your doctor once a week, they give ya a shot�it�s clean, safe, and legal. Blood work is constant so everything is being monitored. I mean, geez...it�s a shame that I could just go to Mexico and buy it off the shelf and inject right there. Why not just go to my doctor?

And, no, I�m not using. I�m just saying.

Any former addict needs to be aware of anything that has the following words associated with it.

Addictive Potential

Oh. Absolutely. Completely agree with you.

My H won't even go near non-alcoholic beer.

But he goes for this !!!!