I dont think i can do this anymore. I have tried your advice, and he just insists that his mind is made up. i dont know if it is worth outing them. i have found her on facebook. i want him to tell his family, but he says he's not ready. i just can't think straight. he says he told her that i know about her. apparently she feels bad about the whole thing, but obviously not bad enough to leave him alone. and if i confront her, what's going to stop him from from going to her. i have started having nightmares now. i wake up crying a feeling as if a giant hole has been punched through my chest. you know, i have even considered letting him have us both. pathetic, i know. but i am so confused and afraid of losing him.....
Jody, what do you mean:"I don't think I can do this anymore."??? You haven't been on this site long enough to do anything! Why are you rolling over and giving your husband away to this woman??
Have you read Dr. Harley's articles? Please do that and then let us help you develop a plan to kill this affair! If you've read anything on here at all, you've read about Exposure. As in YOU expose the A to anyone in a position to influence WH and OW to end it. Your H does NOT expose the A. If you let him do it he will spin it to make it sound like the M was doomed for years, you're a nutcase who ignores his needs, blah blah blah.
You have considered letting him have you both???
Oh, yeah boy - he sure would like that!
I can't even address this, Jody, it's such a disgusting and disrespectful (to you and your kids) idea. But I'll say this much - I know of two cases where I knew people who handled their respectives A's this way. ALL the parties AND THEIR CHILDREN were damaged from the emotional abuse of this deceptive lifestyle.
Only you can decide if exposing them is "worth it." Here's what will probably happen, either way:
You expose = WH gets mad, stomps around, says he was going to end the A but now you've done this terrible thing by outing him so all bets are off. You calmly reply "I'm sorry if it's upsetting to you right now, but I love you and I will do whatever it takes to save our M." He storms out, then comes back later.
You DON'T expose = WH and OW continue the A, their bond grows. A becomes entrenched. They start going to social events together and everyone sees them as a 'couple'. They explain you away as his nutcake wife that he's been separated from for
fill in the blank years, that he only sees you when he sees the kids, the divorce will be final soon, etc. And then he'll have to put up or shut up, and you'll be in divorce court.
Which one do you want? Proceed accordingly.