Husband´s having an affair and doesn´t stop it - 01/12/11 07:51 PM
I will try to explain my long story as short as I can...
My husband and I have been together for 8 years. A month ago I discovered he has an affair with a woman they share the same interest and because of that they often spend time in the same company. This is how they met in the first place. Around the same time they began their affair I got pregnant with a child we had been waiting for 4 years.
By the time I discovered the affair they had been lovers for a month, they had spent at least one or two weekends together, had sex, sent lovely e-mails and text messages...It was a real shock to discover all that. I confronted him, he admitted everything and told me it happened because at one point, about a year ago, he felt I don�t love him anymore so he tried to stop loving me... and it worked. So now he has found someone who gives him what he needs, they have so much incommon, they are in love, there�s a lot of passion etc. The woman had just separated from her long time boyfriend, so the time was right for her too. And he also told me, he never really wanted a child and agreed to have one just because he thought I wanted one. When I asked why he didn�t tell me any of that, he said, he had hoped that our relationship will get better and he will love me again... But it didn�t, probably because by that time I really wanted a child and I was so stressed and mainly into planning the proceedures and hoping to get pregnant and I just forgot my husbands needs.
But he agreed to wait, not to end our marriage, but he also told me he can�t stop the affair. And he hasn�t so far, as far as I know, they haven�t met so often and probably haven�t been intimate. But they still send e-mails, text messages and probably call eachother saying they love eachother (I recently accitentalt saw an e-mail for a second) and probably still hope finally to be with eachother... SO the flame is still burning and hot, because they don�t let it calm down. But I just can not accept that. I really, so badly, want to restore our marriage. After reading this site I understand my mistakes and I want to make it all better for him. But how to make him want the same? So far I have just tried to meet his emotional needs more than before, avoid love busters...But he resists. He says I am acting strange, I am kissing and hugging him too much, I offer him too many chances to do something together, because "before we never did" as he said. But at the same time we get along really well, though ofcourse things are not the same and sometimes we both feel unconfortable. But we still talk, laugh...And I feel like there is hope every time I see a spark in his eye when he is looking at me. But sometimes I see nothing, as if I don�t exist for him... It is just so painful, especially when we have a baby coming and our life as a family is finally starting...
Do I have a reason to hope that our marriage will restore? I don�t think their relationship will end just like that, becuse they still meet because of their hobby and they would meet even i the affair would be ended... I feel I love him so much and I am so ready to continue our relationship. So far he has just told me he is sorry he has hurt me so bad. But that�s all. The affair still continues, now it has been continued about 2-3 months already and he is not with me emotionally. I know he wants to see where this affair is going...maybe they are not right for eachother anyway. But I feel it is so unfair...I am his wife, carrying his child and that�s what should matter...But I a can�t reallt talk to him, because it usually ends with my panic attack and depression. And I can see that it is already frightening him. So I just try to live my life as normal as possible to make him to feel comfortable with me again. But for how long? Every day I am afraid that he comes to me and says he will now leave me for this other woman...
My husband and I have been together for 8 years. A month ago I discovered he has an affair with a woman they share the same interest and because of that they often spend time in the same company. This is how they met in the first place. Around the same time they began their affair I got pregnant with a child we had been waiting for 4 years.
By the time I discovered the affair they had been lovers for a month, they had spent at least one or two weekends together, had sex, sent lovely e-mails and text messages...It was a real shock to discover all that. I confronted him, he admitted everything and told me it happened because at one point, about a year ago, he felt I don�t love him anymore so he tried to stop loving me... and it worked. So now he has found someone who gives him what he needs, they have so much incommon, they are in love, there�s a lot of passion etc. The woman had just separated from her long time boyfriend, so the time was right for her too. And he also told me, he never really wanted a child and agreed to have one just because he thought I wanted one. When I asked why he didn�t tell me any of that, he said, he had hoped that our relationship will get better and he will love me again... But it didn�t, probably because by that time I really wanted a child and I was so stressed and mainly into planning the proceedures and hoping to get pregnant and I just forgot my husbands needs.
But he agreed to wait, not to end our marriage, but he also told me he can�t stop the affair. And he hasn�t so far, as far as I know, they haven�t met so often and probably haven�t been intimate. But they still send e-mails, text messages and probably call eachother saying they love eachother (I recently accitentalt saw an e-mail for a second) and probably still hope finally to be with eachother... SO the flame is still burning and hot, because they don�t let it calm down. But I just can not accept that. I really, so badly, want to restore our marriage. After reading this site I understand my mistakes and I want to make it all better for him. But how to make him want the same? So far I have just tried to meet his emotional needs more than before, avoid love busters...But he resists. He says I am acting strange, I am kissing and hugging him too much, I offer him too many chances to do something together, because "before we never did" as he said. But at the same time we get along really well, though ofcourse things are not the same and sometimes we both feel unconfortable. But we still talk, laugh...And I feel like there is hope every time I see a spark in his eye when he is looking at me. But sometimes I see nothing, as if I don�t exist for him... It is just so painful, especially when we have a baby coming and our life as a family is finally starting...
Do I have a reason to hope that our marriage will restore? I don�t think their relationship will end just like that, becuse they still meet because of their hobby and they would meet even i the affair would be ended... I feel I love him so much and I am so ready to continue our relationship. So far he has just told me he is sorry he has hurt me so bad. But that�s all. The affair still continues, now it has been continued about 2-3 months already and he is not with me emotionally. I know he wants to see where this affair is going...maybe they are not right for eachother anyway. But I feel it is so unfair...I am his wife, carrying his child and that�s what should matter...But I a can�t reallt talk to him, because it usually ends with my panic attack and depression. And I can see that it is already frightening him. So I just try to live my life as normal as possible to make him to feel comfortable with me again. But for how long? Every day I am afraid that he comes to me and says he will now leave me for this other woman...