I am sure some of you have read my posts. My H had an EA with a lady he no longer works with for 18 months. That has ended in August and there has been no contact. It has however left me and our marriage in shambles. We are working hard at fixing it. He has had a friend in another state that use to work for the same company he does she no longer does but they continued to talk. I knew about their friendship and I knew when he went out of town he had dinner or drinks with her, he would even call me so I wouldn't feel bad during it. I still never felt right about it and especially after I found out about the EA. He doesnt know but I read emails from the lady out of town and some of the comments he said to her. He said it was just a joke but they were very hurtful to me. I made him end that friendship yesterday. He sent her a letter and she has deleted him from places like Linkedin. I dont know if I did the right thing. Am I just overreacting? Would it had been ok for them to remain friends? Please tell me I did the right thing. They didnt talk very often but I reented her calling him from car shows and a bar to say she was thinking about him. Please help.
What was his attitude about protecting his wife/marriage from an inappropriate friendship?
Your WH has no business having any contact with another woman. You did the right thing.
gammies, what are you and your WH doing to affair-proof this marriage?
I agree with MaritalBliss, your husband needs to earn your trust back and if a friendship, albeit innocent, with an individual of the opposite sex makes you uncomfortable then he should have no problem ending it. I feel for you gammies as I found out about an affair from 2008 in August and some days I feel like the hurt is never going to end.
It's not okay to have friendships with other women, what do you think that leads to?
Your husband does not respect his marital boundaries, tell him if he needs more friends than you will set him free.......
Agree x5. Your last line said it all, this woman was trouble.
...I resented her calling him from car shows and a bar to say she was thinking about him.
Keep an open eye, though, as they might try to reconnect since they were "just friends."
gammies,
My H and I have an agreement:
ANYTHING either one of us does that makes the other feel unsafe or in fear of our marriage being infringed on is something that MUST STOP. If either one of us at any time feels that the other person needs to not have interactions with a person, then that is just cause for the interaction to stop.
Feeling uncomfortable with your H having contact with another woman is usually your radar telling you that there is something wrong there. And you have every right to request that your husband stop contact with another woman because you are not feeling safe about it.
The same thing holds true for your husband if he finds that you having contact with a man in your life makes him feel unsafe!
Our agreement works for us, and it is important that the two of you talk about this issue. MB stresses that "friends" of the opposite sex are a risk to the marriage, and that they pose affair danger. It's true. So your request is reasonable, and follows MB principles.
When you talk about this issue again, and you should = talk in terms of future plans for affair-proofing the marriage. BOTH of you should look at your interactions with people of the opposite sex, and talk about boundaries; what each of you feel comfortable with, why, and what your idea of safe and appropriate precautions are to stop possible affair-starting behaviors in the future.
SB
Thank you schoolbus for your reply...it really made me feel better. We have talked about boundries and the fact that he steps over those boundries and will not do it again. I feel so much better now that she is no longer friends with him innocent or not. It has been like a thorn in my side and now its gone. I will use your wording when we talk about it again and make the same agreement with him. Thank you again.
You did the right thing and I would think your huband should agree as this is a step to avoid another affair.
You did the right thing and I would think your huband should agree as this is a step to avoid another affair.
MrsS, I would suggest that you refrain from posting advice on this site. You have already made it clear that your marriage needs help, and you reject Marriage Builders' advice. Please do not respond to posters looking for advice. You will not be of any help to them in your current state.
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