Ok he is 57 and he is in an affair and this bimbo is over 12 years younger and I think she has brought marriages down before. We have been married 26 years and I am sick of this whole thing. He isn't himself, he can't talk to me for more than 5 minutes in person. He won't call or answer his phone. We have kids. He left, just left. The bimbo says they are a couple we are separated. We are not separated, she doesn't know what a couple is.

Exactly how long do men stay in this state? He even dresses differently, and is bossy, yells, this is just not him. He has not filed, nothing, his mail comes here, he has checked out. I guess he just figures I am paying the bills, I am.

What can I do? And the really stupid thing is I love him, believe me if I didn't think I did I would not be in this.

I just don't get how a man can just drop his wife, his family.

I have said are you coming back, to that question I get a blank stare and a "i gotta go"

I have sent him books about marriage, made him cookies, written him poems, I mean anything I can do so he remembers me, he seems to have forgotten, he actually when I bring things up does not remember. He also says he could care less about his past he is all for the future he may die soon. He has nothing medically wrong with him.

You know, I didn't get married to be left when I am in my fifties, am I supposed to start over dating now? I don't want to, I love him.

And he hasn't spoken to anyone in my family since this has happened that wasn't for his affair, which is none of them. It is like he doesn't know them either.

How long does this last? He has run up our bills we can't afford this. Our kids can't believe this, neither can I.

I am here and if I see him it is like I am some person he had lunch with last week, like a person he barely knows. Yet he when talking about our cars, insurance or money talks to me like I am his wife. What is he doing? I can't stand this.

I think about them having sex, him kissing her goodnight, him taking the groceries in, them laughing, watching tv, living, it is driving me nuts. What is going on?

Sorry you are here but welcome to mb.

How long has this been going on???

Who have you exposed this affair to?? Do all the kids know, his friends and coworkers? Her family and friends?

We will help you formulate a single cohesive plan that will either result in you saving your marriage or moving on individually.

He has been at her house 10 months now, everyone knows and he doesn't care, he said he didn't care. His family turned on me, treated me like I am the one who had the affair. His family hasn't talked to our kids since this has happened either. So it is like we lost him and them.

When I found out he said he had been in the affair 4 months, then he left.

They know at his job since she works there, he just started there and some don't know he did this or he has a family, but many know.

The whole thing is really weird, I think if it were legal to have more than one wife he would, he seems fine with it.

I am not fine with it, I don't want to lie to people, but I don't want to tell them he left me. I mean, new people I meet, I am so sick of this, everyone tells me to divorce him like that will just solve everything. It won't, I love him, our family is hurt, we had a good marriage I don't understand all the sudden him doing this. And he even stopped going to church, we always went.

Do you think this is just hopeless? This site should know if this is beyond help, just tell me, I will brace myself for the bad news.

Oh also my kids know they are just furious at him, I told them he loves them, and now that he doesn't call or see them they don't believe me. So I can't bring him up, they are in high school. They have thrown away quite a bit of things he gave them over the years, sometimes I find it in the trash and take it out and put it in the garage.

We have been married 26 years and I am sick of this whole thing.
You wouldn't be normal if you were having fun with it. Sorry you have to go through this.

He isn't himself, he can't talk to me for more than 5 minutes in person. He won't call or answer his phone. We have kids. He left, just left.

He feels uncomfortable talking to you, because it makes him feel guilty. So, he tries to avoid it. If you back off some, and talk to him less, it may actually help when you do talk to him.

The bimbo says they are a couple we are separated. We are not separated, she doesn't know what a couple is.

That's one of those things that "goes without saying" that we tend to say anyway. It's just so shocking that this could happen us personally.

Exactly how long do men stay in this state? He even dresses differently, and is bossy, yells, this is just not him.

How long? Well, it varies. Some come out of it in time, some never recover. However, you can recover no matter what he does. If you get a good solid plan like Mr W suggests, you may recover your marriage. Assuming you still want him.

He has not filed, nothing, his mail comes here, he has checked out. I guess he just figures I am paying the bills, I am.

We call this cake eating - more about it below.

What can I do? And the really stupid thing is I love him, believe me if I didn't think I did I would not be in this.

Study the materials on this web site. Develop a plan to get him to end the affair, then do a recovery plan.
Run the plans. Call the Harley's for counseling - it's expensive, but much cheaper than a Divorce.

I just don't get how a man can just drop his wife, his family.

It's best not to try to use logic on something that is not logical. A better question is "What do I do now?"

I have said are you coming back, to that question I get a blank stare and a "i gotta go"

It's kind of like asking a kid "Why did you take that cookie after I told you to wait until after dinner?" They never come up with a good answer. Most of the time they don't know. Your H doesn't know. He might not know for quite some time.


I have sent him books about marriage, made him cookies, written him poems, I mean anything I can do so he remembers me, he seems to have forgotten, he actually when I bring things up does not remember. He also says he could care less about his past he is all for the future he may die soon. He has nothing medically wrong with him.

It's impossible to teach someone who doesn't want to learn, and it's hard to reach someone emotionally who has their attention elsewhere. First you have to get his attention, then you can talk to him. If you learn the materials on this web site, you may be able to run a plan that will get his attention.

You know, I didn't get married to be left when I am in my fifties, am I supposed to start over dating now? I don't want to, I love him.

None of us want that for ourselves, or for you. As it stands now, he is already gone. Let's see if you can help him come back and live a happy and productive life. You can't control him, and you can't force him, but you may be able help in some ways.

And he hasn't spoken to anyone in my family since this has happened that wasn't for his affair, which is none of them. It is like he doesn't know them either.

Wayward husbands (WH)are not like regular husbands. There is no accounting for the things they do.

How long does this last? He has run up our bills we can't afford this. Our kids can't believe this, neither can I.

It may go on for a long time.......... we don't know. Remember though, there are things you can do to hasten the end of his affair. Please educate your self by reading as much as you can on this web site, then ask us questions.

I am here and if I see him it is like I am some person he had lunch with last week, like a person he barely knows. Yet he when talking about our cars, insurance or money talks to me like I am his wife.

He is having his cake, and eating it too. At least, he thinks he is. He has two women meeting his needs, and he likes it. Your plan will help you know what to do about it.

What is he doing?
He is destroying his life, and the lives of his loved ones. He thinks he is having fun. It's kind of like drugs, that can take the life of a person who feels good even while his life is ending.

I can't stand this. I believe that with help, you can get through this and be a stronger and better person when you come out the other side. It probably doesn't feel like that though. Sorry.

I think about them having sex, him kissing her goodnight, him taking the groceries in, them laughing, watching tv, living, it is driving me nuts. What is going on?

This is one of the parts that is most difficult to cope with.
You tell us what is going on. What do you do to get through the days? What are you telling the kids?

Does his family know? Your family?

Simply,

Welcome to MB, this place can be a lifeline for you to walk through. It helped me beyond words can express. It helped me to know that others could help me formulate a strategy to walk through this when I had no idea how to.

Read, read, read, become and expert in understanding affairs, what drives them, how you can help destroy them, get a sense of what you are experiencing and what is "normal" behavior in a very dyfunctional situation.

You aren't alone, people on here and mostly G-d. He was my lifeline, he showed me through people on here how to walk through this and after a very long time, recover and begin a new marriage with my H. We have been married 27 years, 3 months and 5 days. But whose counting.

You can do this.

Who all did you expose this to? Try exposing the affair to all his family members, your family members, also find out the OW family members, and friends.

He has probably rewritten history to his family where they think you are crazy.

If family won't work, target her family, her friends, and his friends for exposure.

How did he meet her, at work? You can send letters to all his bosses there to.

Good luck,
Eric

Oh Simply,

I so know where you are. I am 56 and was married 33years when this happened to me, so I know exactly where you are.

Read everything on this site to educate yourself.

I don't have a lot of time to write now, but maybe I can chime in later.

Hugs

Based in the following in blue, I strongly urge you to file for a legal separation or divorce, whichever is appropriate in your state.

1. He has been at her house 10 months now
2. His family turned on me, treated me like I am the one who had the affair.
3. His family hasn't talked to our kids since this has happened either.
4. The whole thing is really weird, I think if it were legal to have more than one wife he would, he seems fine with it.





Filing for a separation is preferable to filing for a divorce.
Not every state allows both.
Find out what is available for you.

Why?
To protect yourself and your children financially.


I think it is hopeless doing what you've been doing.
You need to shake things up.
Your ABSENT WH is certain he has you firmly in his pocket.
He is certain you are too scared to make a move.


You are only beyond help if you are too frightened to make a bold move.
Are you ready to make a bold move?


The kids know that love is action.
Their father's actions do not tell them that he loves them.
You have smart kids.
You? Well, you should not try to force your wishful thinking on your kids.


Leave whatever the kids toss in the trash, in the trash.