No, CAG, they are not. This is somewhat of a misconception.
The emotional attachment could have been there, but the physical aspect is another step.
If you read around on enough, you will see that often times it isn't "love" or even "desire" that leads to sex in an affair.
What happens is that the AP pushes for sex, and the WS will submit because they are afraid that rejection will lead to the AP no longer meeting their ENs.
Granted, the WS has to present the opportunity for sex to happen, but most often "joyful" isn't the result. It's shock, guilt, self-loathing, and anger. This is another aspect in which the behaviors of a WS mirror that of an addict; despite the fact that their actions, their "use," is damaging to their families, their jobs, and themselves - they simply cannot stop because they are paralyzed by an irrational fear of the fantasy vaporizing.
Now, I can't through the power of magical recall, remember where I read about sex and affairs on this site, but I remember saying that, often times, that sex is not the goal of a WS, but a result of the affair.
There is a lot of self-deception involved in the entire process.
So, if you were to take Pep's "Anatomy of Adultery" thread, and add a host of sirens, alarms, and flashing lights going off in the brain of the WS between each step;
"NO, THE LAST STEP WAS FAR ENOUGH!!! GOING FURTHER IS WRONG!!!
... and then after each successive step;
"I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST DID THAT! WHAT THE HE77 IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!"
Just like an addict, each successive "hit" takes them deeper into the abyss.
Things like "I didn't know" or "I wasn't thinking" are outward deceptions.
They
know every step of the way that it is wrong - this is especially true in the early stages of adultery. By the time it becomes entrenched, the self-entitled self-deception (taker driving with the pedal to the metal) that they can't even tell themselves the truth any more.
Consider these descriptors of an addict;
- Craving
- Compulsion
- Loss of Control
- Continued use despite consequences, and
- Chronic Use
If you reflect enough up on those, they exactly fit the behavior of an active adulterer... as do the descriptors of an abuser;
failure to fulfill obligations
continued risky use
recurrent legal problems
continued use despite social or interpersonal problems
And then, when they are caught or cornered, just like an addict they tend to minimalize, rationalize, deflect.
"It was
only an emotional affair."
"I wasn't happy in my marriage."
"My spouse just didn't spend enough time with me."
And these are all self-deceptions they project up on their spouse to rationalize
their own harmful behavior.
Because, if they actually owned up to their actions, they would admit that what they were doing was harmful to them as well as everyone else.