Dear awsdaughter,
I thank you SO MUCH for your post!
It has allowed me to see an insight that I desperately needed!
THANK YOU!!!!
I was angry at my nan, mums mum, for telling everyone, at the guys wife for confronting mum, because I like felt it embarassed ME.
My daughter is hurting too, I KNOW THAT.....and my daughter considered my confrontation of the OM and the exposure method to be severe and "too much". Hopefully she will see that it was necessary to expose the affair in that manner.
Oh well.
I was angry for him not throwing mum to the curb, for mum being such a well like you can guess right?, and again how could you all bring this stuff up in front of everyone?
I have no doubt that my Daughter has Love for both of us.....but I was shocked one day when she said "Time to just move on Dad." At that instant I knew she was disappointed in her mother and her mothers actions.....I believe she was telling me "Stop hurting yourself, Mom's not good enough for you."
It was confusing and like frightening even to think your Mum and Dad were actually normal people with like faults and that maybe they wouldn't be there for you if something happened. I never saw Mum or Dad as anything but together, and like THAT was a shock.
I went though such a range of emotions pissed off with Mum or Dad or both and like didn't handle it well. I should have spoken to someone about it all but didn't. I think I felt like embarrassed as if it was all about how it reflected on me and my family.
"Range of emotions" says it all, especially for a woman in their 20's......I agree.
On one hand I wanted to make it all go away, the other like heap crap on Nan and Dad for exposing it all and Mum for causing it, and most of all, wanting the family to go back to where it was all comfortable and 'happy', but like that as not going to happen and I was SO angry about that.
That makes sense!!
I have seen with pride how Mum & Dad worked on their marriage and how the family supported them, how they have recovered their marriage. It certainly gave me like a far better understanding of relationships and marriage. But back during the crappy period all I felt like overall was lost.
I hope to have that opportunity....we just entered Plan B.....sent the letter......now it's time to wait.
"Patience is the name of the game now.....calmly with integrity and class!" (Thanks Jessi!!!)
I have to think your daughter may be a bit like this, but time will help and being there letting her know she can say ANYTHING to you is pretty important even if she yells and cries at you cause like you know, who else does she have right now? a flakey mum? She KNOWS that. And I bet she KNOWS she is being used by Mum too, even as a like "poor me" sounding board. That like grows old.
It's obvious that my Daughter LOVES her Mom but is tremendously disappointed in her. And her Mom CAN psychologically manipulate her real well!!
But my Daughter has shown some insight to me that is much more mature than I expected from her 23 years.
Gently keep the door open, keep like saying whatever it takes to save the marriage and family, but don't argue about it. Cause I wouldn't listen to Dad or Nan, not back then. Its just part of the like crappy process to work through.
In the end like I think she'll know the right and wrong of it all. But like its a hell of way to learn it.
I do keep the door wide open to her.....it's obvious that she just wants some distance from me right now.....I don't like it, but I have to accept it and try to understand it.
I send her text messages with Love and support and make simple offers to meet for a meal.....but she stays quiet.
awsdaughter:
THANK YOU AGAIN for your words of encouragement and for sharing your story with me!!!!