"You just need to get over her and move on...."

I am getting so TIRED of hearing that!!!
I know people mean well......but THEY were NOT inside my Marriage!
And hearing that just aggravates the heck out of me!

I'm trying to understand that I need to be patient "Patience is the name of the game now, calmly with integrity and class.." (Thanks Jessi )

I just don't know what to say to people when they say "You just need to get over her and move on...."

It REALLY hurts.....I don't want to lash out at them.....

Bill,

Because they don't value marriage as you do, and use the behavior of others as a justification for their own behavior.

Not sure if that's the reason, but in any event you are way early in the recovery clock which is set to zero at the last dday and runs for at least 2 years.

God Bless
Gamma

Bill,

Aww...bad moment. (not sarcastic)

Post these rants/hurts/feelings on your own thread, OK? Trust me...post the venting on your own thread and in your own context. Here, venting is OK. But, you'll get feedback, too. Sometimes unwanted.

Take it...but, don't start a new thread to just randomly vent as it will do you no good. If you need to vent, do it on your own thread, my man. Got it? The last thing you need is random thoughts from others, though you won't get them here anyway.

There is nothing random about MB. Stay on your own thread, alrighty?

Bill, I know it is frustrating for you, but please be kind. It PAINS people to see you abused by your wife. They don't understand that this can be transformed.

I think they really do think they're helping..but no one knows how it feels until they're in your shoes...it's just like having a child die etc..no one knows how it feels until it happens to you..you can't just "move on"

Although 9 months down the road from d-day, I'm finally kind of moving on...although in an ideal world, my wife and I would both come together, realize we both made mistakes, and live a great life...oh well ain't gonna happen

For truth, Bill. This can be turned around. Stick with it.

We can add this line to the, "This too shall pass." How about, "Everything happens for a reason." "Time heals all wounds."

Well meaning people said ALL of these to me when I first entered Plan B. Now I get, "You should start dating. You deserve to be happy." I answer with, "I am still married." They look at me like I have 3 heads. BUT, I AM STILL MARRIED.

These people don't want to see you hurting and they really think that telling you this will make you happy. They don't know what you know, what those of us here know.

While some of us may tell you that time heals your wounds, when you are in it, you don't wanna hear that. Instead, we will tell you things like, "The affair is DOOMED, " and my personal fave, "The karma bus will get em." Cuz, those things are also TRUE and they are what you need to hear, at that moment.

What I did was heal, and show them that what I was doing was the best thing for me, and now those same people are amazed at how well I have healed.

I like

"Its not over til the fat lady sings"


(no offense to overweight folk.....obviously they are the most powerful people in the universe)

Emphasis added. Scotty, this is awesome.

Even though I'm the FWS trying to save my M, I get this all the time. All anyone IRL sees is that we are hurting, and the majority of the time (at least in my case), they see no hope in the situation.

It's really up to us how long we have hope, not them.

That's why I come here, and why I tend to avoid talking about my sitch IRL. Friends mean well, but they lack the knowledge that the folks have here to save marriages.

And maybe our M's can't be saved. But I say, the day we lose all hope, that will be the day that our M's are beyond saving, if that makes sense. What I mean is that hope is what keeps our efforts - and, hopefully, our M - alive.