For Better.....or......For Worse? - 01/27/12 07:22 AM
When I married my wife, I took a vow. I vowed that I would stand by her for better or for worse, (or words to that effect). I can honestly say that this past year has been on the for worse side of our marriage . I have thought several times of running away (disappearing and never talking to her again and cutting all contact with mutual family and friends). I've considered other things that are deep and dark and don't even really want to think of anymore.
But I took a vow. A vow that doesn't mean when things are broken, or times are tough - I can't just throw her away, and start over. I've tried plan A, and got as far as writing a plan B letter....and I've done some of the things suggested here by people, but didn't feel comfortable with some of the things people said I had to do if I wanted to save my marriage. Would it have worked ? I don't know - I didn't do it.
Did I give my best effort? No . I can't say that I did. I went from being angry, to wanting to "kill" (figuratively) someone, to wanting to be free from the relationship....knowing all the time that it wasn't really what I wanted.
I don't know what the right thing is? I can't afford counseling. I don't fit into a nice little box that I can just open a book and pull out a solution. I wish I was more confident in myself - but ultimately need to make a plan to win her back. I make plenty of mistakes and trust few people to really give me sound advice. I want to trust again....I just don't know if I ever will.
There is so much more I want to say - and don't even know if I have expressed myself today in the way I'm actually feeling?
Simply put: I love my wife, I forgive my wife, I want her back! For better or for worse - this is what I signed on for.
But I took a vow. A vow that doesn't mean when things are broken, or times are tough - I can't just throw her away, and start over. I've tried plan A, and got as far as writing a plan B letter....and I've done some of the things suggested here by people, but didn't feel comfortable with some of the things people said I had to do if I wanted to save my marriage. Would it have worked ? I don't know - I didn't do it.
Did I give my best effort? No . I can't say that I did. I went from being angry, to wanting to "kill" (figuratively) someone, to wanting to be free from the relationship....knowing all the time that it wasn't really what I wanted.
I don't know what the right thing is? I can't afford counseling. I don't fit into a nice little box that I can just open a book and pull out a solution. I wish I was more confident in myself - but ultimately need to make a plan to win her back. I make plenty of mistakes and trust few people to really give me sound advice. I want to trust again....I just don't know if I ever will.
There is so much more I want to say - and don't even know if I have expressed myself today in the way I'm actually feeling?
Simply put: I love my wife, I forgive my wife, I want her back! For better or for worse - this is what I signed on for.