I am new to this forum. My DDay was 2 months ago. NC started before DDay but the OW continued to break this via texts (which my husband responded to, throwing our recovery into a tailspin each time). He finally woke up and wrote NC letter and we have blocked OW. Making good progress but now he is in withdrawl again and I am starting to break after 2 months of dealing with him going in and out of fog and trying to maintain my head and continue to avoid LBs and be helpful in his healing. Looking for some encouragement. Can I expect his fog to continue to lift with legit NC? It seems to. Just so painful to watch and go through again. It's like he has been possessed by aliens when he goes in the fog and then he comes out with zeal that gives me such hope. Is this normal? It's just so crazy. Hard to keep it all in perspective. Any advice or words of wisdom are very much appreciated.

Have you read Surviving An Affair by Dr Bill Harley?

Welcome to MB and sorry for what has brought you here.

Who is the OW? Is she married? Did he write her a NC letter?

Has he changed all his contact information? Phone numbers, email?

Did you expose his affair?

What conditions allowed his affair? Having friends of the OS? Weak boundaries?

Yes I have read very book I could get my hands on. Has been helpful cognitively but I'm hitting an emotional wall. The OW is single and completely in love with my husband. Soul mates, meant to be, all that stuff. They met at work but he was transferred shortly after the relationship began. He ended it upon transferring but they both broke NC multiple times over the course of the following few months and both were 'trying to move on' but regularly checking in and 'supporting each other'. Meanwhile he and I were trying to reconnect but I knew he was unfaithful I just had a gut feeling screaming at me for the last few months. So I confronted him and this time he admitted it. He denied many times before.

So since DDay he has not initiated contact but the OW has and each time he responded. So after the latest contact he agreed NC was really needed and no more testing his progress or relying on hers. We wrote the letter together and sent it. She hasn't responded since.

I think what allowed it to start was weak boundaries and the fact that he needed a self esteem boost as he was in a new job and feeling insecure. She offered it all up on a platter and he couldn't help himself.

He has finally blocked her from Facebook and email and phone. I've been asking him since DDay.

I am just so scattered and exhausted. Hopeful one minute then filled with reaentment the next. I truly believe he is remorseful but Im scared this process will kill my love for him. I have so much anger. I try my best to understand it but that doesn't help me not feel it.

Some days are better than others. I'm just so tired.

Be aware that just "blocking" her email address and phone number doesn't work. In my case the OW would call from a different number, which would allow the call to go through. She would also use a new email address to get through, and it finally wore WS, now X, down.

Each time he breaks NC, he is back in his foggiest and the "progress" is not really a progress, but you are back in square one. It is your H who must change his phone number and e-mail address. Firm NC makes it much easier for both of you.

Stillrising, are you married? If so, how long? Any kids?

Let's make the assumption that WH is maintaining NC, and POSOW has not been able to break through. If they still work for the same company, that is unlikely to last, if POSOW has it "bad enough" for him, but let's continue....

Right now you have taken away WH's source of some POSOW-supplied ENs that he desperately required, and probably still requires. Emotional support, admiration, comforting during stressful times....you seem to have intuited most of them. As distasteful as it might appear (given your residual resentment at his infidelity), your best mode of attacking his foul moods is to be a superior source of those elements burying him in those ENs so that his memory of receiving them from POSOW fades away quickly and completely.

This is Plan A, pure and simple. I'm told women can only conduct a solid Plan A for a couple months, but you should give it your best shot. The tough part is keeping any expectations out of your mindset.

Do you recall our initiating assumption about NC holding? If contact is resumed, his feelings for her will re-bloom like dandelions in April. You and he must put up double- and triple-walled barriers to prevent that from happening. It may require him to leave that company.

Thanks everyone. Yes we are married, for 4 years. No children. I am very clearly seeing the NC value now and so is my husband. We will take every precaution we can. He has agreed to change jobs and move. Im very pleased. This last fog was very painful for him and I think (hope) this is the final step to come out of it. Does it progress like that? This has been a turning point from what I can see. I am still doing the Plan A - I just didn't realize that's what it was! I have been supportive and attempting the high road as much as possible. It's been a couple months now and thankfully seems to be heading in the right direction. Otherwise plan B would be in order. Thanks everyone for the support in this terrible roller coaster of a ride.

I just found out more details that were kept from me. The OW has been to my house. I am completely shattered. We are going to move but at this point not soon enough for me. He says he hardly remembers the visit because he tried to block it all out but I can't stand the thought of that woman being in my own home and doing things with my husband. She slept with him and stayed the night. It makes me sick. We have had great progress to date. He didn't want to tell me because he says he wanted me to have something that was totally ruined bc he knew this would destroy me. What to do? He says he doesn't find it triggers him as he has known for months and found a way to just deal but he says now it does make him sick. Any advice? I don't want this constant reminder in my face. But I also can't realistically burn my house down. Help

Moving is often suggested anyway, so as to stop any chance of running into OW.

Can you put your house up for rent and move? Maybe rent a new place. There are companies that will handle all the details for you so you never have to do anything with the home. They work off commision and will handle repairs and everything.

You can have it for sell while renting, it is done all the time.