Marriage Builders
Posted By: Chitenator sucks to be me - 04/19/13 11:45 PM
Ok i am new and i have read saa. Last feb. my wife started being on the phone all the time and i had the hunch she was talking to om.

I tried to be calm about things and i asked to see her phone and she got really defensive. Then she started crying and telling me she wanted a break. I knew it was so she could be with the other man but i unwillingly agreed. Then later in the week we went to our club. I received a text from our dd that he was on the way so I was looking for my wife when i caught her making out with the other man.

I lost it i pulled her off of him and beat the crap out of the om. Then i got kicked out of the club and i was waiting outside for the ride and we got in the car to go home.
I was stupid and was yelling at her, I shouldn't of took her phone away from her and i admit it was a lame thing for me to do and was using her phone as hostage to get the truth from her.

And she came from the back seat and clawed me to get her phone back from me. so i pushed her back into the seat fearing she would hit the driver and cause a accident.
Then she got a phone from the drive and called the police on me. so long story short i went to jail for domestic violence and i have never had a ao like that before.

Well after i got out of jail i was doing some research and found this site. I have been reading posts and i ordered the book saa. I love my wife and I wanted to at least try and save our marriage with what ever tools i have. So now she is living at her parents house.

So she basicly told everyone on her face book account she is in a relationship with the lame om to this day. so her family knows about that and they disapprove her choice. I also exposed the om to his friends and family. Since then she has been afraid to talk to me on the phone or face to face. I know the guilt is getting to her just want to find more advice from you guys cause i hate waiting.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 04/20/13 01:44 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Ok i am new and i have read saa. Last feb. my wife started being on the phone all the time and i had the hunch she was talking to om.

I tried to be calm about things and i asked to see her phone and she got really defensive. Then she started crying and telling me she wanted a break. I knew it was so she could be with the other man but i unwillingly agreed. Then later in the week we went to our club. I received a text from our dd that he was on the way so I was looking for my wife when i caught her making out with the other man.

I lost it i pulled her off of him and beat the crap out of the om. Then i got kicked out of the club and i was waiting outside for the ride and we got in the car to go home.
I was stupid and was yelling at her, I shouldn't of took her phone away from her and i admit it was a lame thing for me to do and was using her phone as hostage to get the truth from her.

And she came from the back seat and clawed me to get her phone back from me. so i pushed her back into the seat fearing she would hit the driver and cause a accident.
Then she got a phone from the drive and called the police on me. so long story short i went to jail for domestic violence and i have never had a ao like that before.

Well after i got out of jail i was doing some research and found this site. I have been reading posts and i ordered the book saa. I love my wife and I wanted to at least try and save our marriage with what ever tools i have. So now she is living at her parents house.

So she basicly told everyone on her face book account she is in a relationship with the lame om to this day. so her family knows about that and they disapprove her choice. I also exposed the om to his friends and family. Since then she has been afraid to talk to me on the phone or face to face. I know the guilt is getting to her just want to find more advice from you guys cause i hate waiting.
Welcome to MB and sorry for your pain.

Is this OM married?

You need to do a proper exposure. How did she's meet him?

Are you still at home?
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 04/20/13 02:08 AM
Have you read all of theses?
Start Here First-Welcome Aboard
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/20/13 03:01 AM
Yes I have red them and om man has no girl friend. And I know for a fact they did meet at a modeling agency but I think the agency is bogus. Who works in modeling for a 6 month probation and for free even. And the evedance is in her face book page that she blocked me from. So I am screwed there.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 04/20/13 03:54 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Yes I have red them and om man has no girl friend. And I know for a fact they did meet at a modeling agency but I think the agency is bogus. Who works in modeling for a 6 month probation and for free even. And the evedance is in her face book page that she blocked me from. So I am screwed there.
Are you still at home?

Do you know this OM's name?

Can you make a fake Facebook?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/20/13 04:12 AM
Yes i am home. I know the his name. Im at home and I did tell his family and friends through face book. With the wedding photo and all. Her daughter was the first person I told.
Posted By: KGaa12 Re: sucks to be me - 04/20/13 04:29 AM
My advice having been the victim of an A myself is to follow the MB plan by the book.

You lost it when discovering your wife's A, and I can understand...many of the same thoughts still run through my head toward the OM.

But understand that your wife and the OM together did this, neither acted alone and hurting or getting physical over the A in the end will not get your wife back.

You need to lay out a plan based on Dr. H, see how your wife responds and go from there.

If you follow the plan step by step, it will work and put you on the road to recovery, but depending how your wife reacts, you may find yourself going into what Dr. h calls plan B before you make any progress.

Listen to those on this site...it will be your main guide...
Posted By: KGaa12 Re: sucks to be me - 04/20/13 04:35 AM
Exposing is step one and calmness in this battle is "key", there were reasons this happened although no excuses, but the last thing you need is to be a poor image in your wife's head...keep calm and give yourself permission to grieve, it's a painful experience...
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/20/13 05:01 AM
I understand I know what I did was wrong by getting physical but that was the first time it has happened to me. Never been to jail and dont plan on going back. I wish I could take it back. Yes my first priority is breaking up this affair.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 04/20/13 05:54 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Yes i am home. I know the his name. Im at home and I did tell his family and friends through face book. With the wedding photo and all. Her daughter was the first person I told.
So tell us everyone you exposed to. What did you say in your exposure letter?

Does she finance all of this?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/20/13 06:32 AM
Ok I exposed him to all his friends on face book thinking it was around 60 people my in laws and my family and the kids. And the message ill have to post it tomorrow when I can get to some inet. Cause I have been using my phone to post at the moment.

Oh I know I got her mad cause my fb account was reported the next day.

And if I can ask what do you mean by finiance this?
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 04/20/13 06:48 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Ok I exposed him to all his friends on face book thinking it was around 60 people my in laws and my family and the kids. And the message ill have to post it tomorrow when I can get to some inet. Cause I have been using my phone to post at the moment.

Oh I know I got her mad cause my fb account was reported the next day.

And if I can ask what do you mean by finiance this?

Good job on the Facebook exposure.

She is contacting him through phone and Facebook, correct?

Do you pay her phone bill or does she? Who pays for her going out to the clubs?

Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/20/13 07:18 AM
Well she has her own phone contract now but I do have his number on my phone bill when she was using her phone on my plan but the only crappy thing us she still has her old phone with all the juicy secrets. Also I know she uses fb and im assuming since she is not so good with money I bet he pays for stuff.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 04/20/13 07:22 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Well she has her own phone contract now but I do have his number on my phone bill when she was using her phone on my plan but the only crappy thing us she still has her old phone with all the juicy secrets. Also I know she uses fb and im assuming since she is not so good with money I bet he pays for stuff.
Where is she living?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/20/13 07:31 AM
With her parents at moment.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 04/20/13 07:40 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
With her parents at moment.
I thought her family disapproved of her affair?

Have you had a talk with her parents and ask them to support your marriage and put pressure on her to stop the affair?
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 04/20/13 07:42 AM
Originally Posted by Exposure 101
Dear friends and family,

I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of xxxx and I. As some of you know, xxxxx has recently asked me for a separation, which has shattered my heart. To my shock, I am saddened to have discovered that the reason is because she has been carrying on an affair with a old boyfriend named xxxxx xxxxx who resides in xxxxxx. He is also married and has young children . The purpose of the separation is so that she can carry on her affair without my interference.

She refuses to end the affair. I want our marriage to recover from this affair. If you have any influence on my babe, please do what you can to get her to stop this dangerous affair. I want to stay married, but the affair must end.

As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with xxxx to persuade her to end her affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if she would only end the affair. Please support her in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.

I would so appreciate your support and prayers.

Warmest regards,
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/20/13 07:49 AM
I have and they try to convince her but still she is their daughter and I the only reason she is there is because of my step daughter.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/20/13 07:51 AM
But I can try to talk to my mil about it more see what I can influence.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/20/13 06:32 PM
I just sent a instant message to her grandmother and hopefully she will say sonething about it.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 04/21/13 12:19 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
I just sent a instant message to her grandmother and hopefully she will say sonething about it.
Good. How about her mother? Have you talked with her again?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/21/13 06:31 AM
Did not get a chance I will have to stop by her work.
Posted By: fifteenyears Re: sucks to be me - 04/21/13 03:15 PM
Prior to t he affair, how often did you and your wife go out to clubs? How often together? Is this where she met OM?
Posted By: My4Loves Re: sucks to be me - 04/21/13 03:52 PM
It seems this marriage contains some bad habits that need to be addressed...along with surviving an affair I recommend studying Lovebusters.

How long were you both divorced before you started dating?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/21/13 07:26 PM
We have been seperated for 2 months and I do agree with you guys I will pick me uo a copy of love busters. And we would go out once a month until she got this bogus modeling job. She said she had to promote the club and I was dumb and naive trusted her to much. Never had been divorced when we where dating or in any serious relationships.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 04/21/13 10:14 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
We have been seperated for 2 months and I do agree with you guys I will pick me uo a copy of love busters. And we would go out once a month until she got this bogus modeling job. She said she had to promote the club and I was dumb and naive trusted her to much. Never had been divorced when we where dating or in any serious relationships.
I think the question was.

We're you both married before (you each have a child from a different relationship)?

How long were you both divorced before you got together?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/21/13 10:30 PM
Nope was not married and we where single for a few years. So this is our first marriage.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/22/13 02:51 PM
I just hate the fact that her daughter is afraid of me doing what im doing cauuse tge fact that her mom will not let her see me. Man fear is the destroyer of all.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 04/22/13 02:56 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
I just hate the fact that her daughter is afraid of me doing what im doing cauuse tge fact that her mom will not let her see me. Man fear is the destroyer of all.
SDD14 is living with your MIL also?

Can you ask to see her?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/22/13 04:53 PM
Yes I can see her. Took her out for pizza and movies since ww is avoiding me I just have dsd let her know.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 04/22/13 09:34 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Yes I can see her. Took her out for pizza and movies since ww is avoiding me I just have dsd let her know.
Good. She will always remember that.

Can you afford the coaching center?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/22/13 09:49 PM
Not at the moment. But looking to get a 2nd job.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 04/22/13 09:55 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Not at the moment. But looking to get a 2nd job.
Have you been able to talk to MIL?

What about emailing the Harleys?

Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. When your email question is chosen to be answered on the radio show, you will be notified by email directing you to listen to the rebroadcast. If you would like to consider being a caller, include your telephone number. You will be called by us to explain the procedure to you. Every caller will receive a complementary book by Dr. Harley that addresses their question.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/22/13 11:17 PM
Ill try that I have the app. And not yet she hasnt answered any of my calls. Just at the moment I dont have the gas to go to her work.
Posted By: Jedi_Knight Re: sucks to be me - 04/23/13 02:01 PM
Have you read about Plan A?
Basically you need to be in plan A until her affair dies.
Most affairs die within 6 months of exposure.

This means NO love busters, no angry outbursts and no disrespectful judgements.
You should probably take an anger management class to help you in this. Some women will purposely make out with other men expecting their husbands to loose their temper and go to jail.

In the meantime you try to meet as many of her emotional needs as possible.

Are you willing to be in plan A for 6 months to 2 years?
Posted By: Jedi_Knight Re: sucks to be me - 04/23/13 02:04 PM
The problem with going to her work is that you may end up getting a restraining order placed on you.
You may want to ask your lawyer before you do that

If she gets a restraining order it will not help your plan A
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/23/13 02:09 PM
I ment her mothers work. And my wife I have talked to her with no judment or angry outburst but that was a whike ago.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/23/13 02:50 PM
While. And yes I am willing to do the plan a and do anger management classes.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 04/23/13 03:09 PM
Can you get the books Love Busters and SAA?

Also here.
Anger Management 101
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/23/13 04:50 PM
Yes I can but I do have saa.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 04/23/13 09:53 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Yes I can but I do have saa.
Have you read it?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/24/13 04:22 PM
Yes I have. But I think I should go over it again. And I emailed tge radio show so ill give her a call after work to set something up.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 04/24/13 06:33 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Yes I have. But I think I should go over it again. And I emailed tge radio show so ill give her a call after work to set something up.
Fantastic.

Let us know how it goes.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/24/13 07:06 PM
Will do.
Posted By: mijunleigh Re: sucks to be me - 04/24/13 09:42 PM
You are off to a great start. Keep it up. Come back often and ask for advice and next steps. Don't lose your nerve, don't be afraid. Fear will paralyze you and cause you not to act. Come here when you need it. Follow all the instructions the Vets give you; read the books, call the show. You've got the momentum, let it build and roll right over this. Take care of and IMPROVE yourself, eliminate the LBs, meet her needs as much as humanly possible even when it makes you want to vomit, because it will at times.

Your greatest asset is that you still have good relations with your in-laws; use this to its fullest potential, but be careful you don't push them away. As a good father you know what love is. Show them you care for their little girl as much as they do. Then convince them to work with you to crush this disgusting thing.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/24/13 11:17 PM
Thank you guys for the support. I know this will be a tough road to travel but some times fear makes you stand up and do what is right cause I woukd be lying if I was not terrified.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/25/13 12:02 AM
Ww's are cruel but I cant let that get me down.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 04/25/13 09:02 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Ww's are cruel but I cant let that get me down.
You're correct.

What's up?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/25/13 12:01 PM
Just tried to get into her fb account snd saw pics of her and the om.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 04/25/13 12:23 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Just tried to get into her fb account snd saw pics of her and the om.
Sorry.

Did you save the evidence (not that you need more)?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/25/13 07:29 PM
She just had some pics and I did. I also have a appointment with the radio show for wed. And I will probably take some anger managment classes beforethe courts order me too and get it out of the way.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 04/25/13 10:39 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
She just had some pics and I did. I also have a appointment with the radio show for wed. And I will probably take some anger managment classes beforethe courts order me too and get it out of the way.
Let us know what they say.

Have you been ordered to take anger management?

Have you seen this?
Anger Management 101
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/25/13 10:52 PM
No I have not been ordered but it still looks good in front of the judge. And yes I have seen the anger 101
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 04/26/13 12:54 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
No I have not been ordered but it still looks good in front of the judge. And yes I have seen the anger 101
Looking forward to your show.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/26/13 02:05 AM
If i sound like a rabid monkey please let me know.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 04/26/13 02:52 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
If i sound like a rabid monkey please let me know.
laugh

You'll do fine.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/26/13 03:37 AM
Well a good sense of humor always helps right?
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 04/26/13 03:42 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Well a good sense of humor always helps right?
Always.

The Harleys make you feel so relaxed and they're easy to talk to.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/26/13 10:57 AM
Quick question during plan a how would I put lb tokens from a distance even if we are not living together and also if she is with the posom at the time would it make a differance?
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 04/26/13 11:16 AM
Another good show of a H Plan A'ing from afar, but keep in mind they don't think she's still involved with OM.

Tell us what you think.
Radio clip of Plan A'ing from afar
Segment #2
Segment #3
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 04/26/13 11:17 AM
Also, when you talk to Dr. H ask him that very question.

Found an excellent thread by Pepperband

This is the Plan A question.......Who the Heck Are you?
Posted By: Jedi_Knight Re: sucks to be me - 04/26/13 12:04 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Quick question during plan a how would I put lb tokens from a distance even if we are not living together and also if she is with the posom at the time would it make a differance?

You really can't make any if she wont let you.
Over time you may he able to win her back. That is because she is in love with a man who agrees with everything she says.
However when she lives with him conflict will be inevitable.
Only 5% of affairs survive 2 years past exposure so you may be able to leave a positive impression in her mind.
When her affair dies, you may be viewed as a logical choice because you are the father of her children.

Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/26/13 12:22 PM
We have no kids together even though I treat her daughter as my own after her dad abused her. I do love her as my own and I try my best to teach her from my mistakes with guidence.
Posted By: Jedi_Knight Re: sucks to be me - 04/26/13 01:07 PM
Then if you maintain that relationship with the daughter you may be able to win her back
Do you listen to the radio show daily?
There is a lot of information there,
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/26/13 01:16 PM
Yes I do. So basicly I just have to hang tight and work on myself right?
Posted By: Jedi_Knight Re: sucks to be me - 04/26/13 01:34 PM
Yes there are no guarantees.
But the vast majority of affairs die a natural death, most within 6 months of exposure and 95% within 2 years.

During this time, as you are in plan A she will start to compare and contrast between you and her lover.
She and the lover will have conflict, it is inevitable. The conflict will crush the fantasy world they live in.
During this time it's important you commit NO love busters; no angry outbursts or disrespectful judgements.
Be nice and polite and try to meet whatever emotional needs she will allow you to; spending time with her daughter may be a way to meet that emotional need for family support.

Have you read Surviving an Affair? If not read it.

Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/26/13 01:48 PM
I have read it. Will probably go over it again. And like you said whats tge worst that can happen.
Posted By: Jedi_Knight Re: sucks to be me - 04/26/13 01:53 PM
Don't talk about any legal stuff with her either.
Just refer everything back to an attorney.
Divorce talk does not help plan A
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 04/26/13 01:53 PM
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Another good show of a H Plan A'ing from afar, but keep in mind they don't think she's still involved with OM.

Tell us what you think.
Radio clip of Plan A'ing from afar
Segment #2
Segment #3
Did you see this?
Posted By: markos Re: sucks to be me - 04/26/13 02:20 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Quick question during plan a how would I put lb tokens from a distance even if we are not living together and also if she is with the posom at the time would it make a differance?

Text her. Send a letter every so often. Call if she lets you. Be charming when you get to talk, for any reason.

It probably won't make any direct immediate difference, but it's mandatory so that when the affair finally implodes she will see returning to you as a good option.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/26/13 02:47 PM
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Another good show of a H Plan A'ing from afar, but keep in mind they don't think she's still involved with OM.

Tell us what you think.
Radio clip of Plan A'ing from afar
Segment #2
Segment #3
Did you see this?




Not yet at work so kinda has to wait later.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 04/26/13 03:04 PM
Thats a good point. The only thing is she never gave me her phone number wuth her new plan. And she tries to get her daughter to relay messages and thats annoying.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/01/13 12:57 AM
Do you think a mothers day card just simple with my name on it. Would that be a good idea?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/01/13 06:13 PM
The radio show went well and verified what I needed to do for myself.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/01/13 09:01 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
The radio show went well and verified what I needed to do for myself.
hurray

What did they tell you?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/01/13 09:35 PM
I have to wait it out and fix my anger issues and make sure that my mother is not a problem cause she likes to intervine. And show my wife that will be the last time my temper will get the better of me. Watch myself being disrespectful.
Posted By: Prisca Re: sucks to be me - 05/01/13 10:01 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
I have to wait it out and fix my anger issues and make sure that my mother is not a problem cause she likes to intervine. And show my wife that will be the last time my temper will get the better of me. Watch myself being disrespectful.

How are you going to do all that? What is your plan?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/01/13 10:10 PM
Just one step at a time. First the anger classes then move out of the house so my mother cant get into my business. Since we moved at my parents to save for a house. So the house can wait. And yeah just show her I am changing.
Posted By: Prisca Re: sucks to be me - 05/01/13 10:26 PM
Quote
And yeah just show her I am changing.
How?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/01/13 10:34 PM
Just talking to her. Invite her back to live with me after I have moved and not expect anything. Dont actions speak louder then words? So I think now is a good time to start acting.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/05/13 08:45 PM
Well I just took a online anger management class and passed it. It was very helpful and I will start using it to better myself. Im very glad that it counts for court too.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/06/13 01:16 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Well I just took a online anger management class and passed it. It was very helpful and I will start using it to better myself. Im very glad that it counts for court too.
Good job.

Have you talked to her recently?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/06/13 02:25 AM
Unfortanatly no she left me a voice mail sounding mad about paying my car insurance even though its not due.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/06/13 02:30 AM
And yes I will pay it. I am not a pos.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/06/13 02:34 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
And yes I will pay it. I am not a pos.
Why did she pay if it wasn't due?

A wonderful Plan A moment.

Seize it!!
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/06/13 02:48 AM
Of course I will. I think she is starting to stress on money now.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/06/13 02:51 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Of course I will. I think she is starting to stress on money now.
Of course, because You're living in separate residences.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/06/13 02:56 AM
I feel good about doing and completing anger management. I feel like I did something that makes a differance in myself.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/06/13 03:01 AM
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Another good show of a H Plan A'ing from afar, but keep in mind they don't think she's still involved with OM.

Tell us what you think.
Radio clip of Plan A'ing from afar
Segment #2
Segment #3
Did you see this?
Did you ever get a chance to listen to these?
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/06/13 03:05 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
I feel good about doing and completing anger management. I feel like I did something that makes a differance in myself.
That's exactly what you will feel if you continue to learn and put into actions the MB plans.

Even if you don't recover your marriage, you will find that you WILL have personal recovery.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/06/13 03:06 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Of course I will. I think she is starting to stress on money now.
So the OM can't support her. Good. A rift in affair land.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/06/13 03:59 AM
I did get the chance to listen to the radio clips and they helped a lot too. I knew he could not support her just a matter of time till enough is enough. As sad as this sounds I want to use this time to better myself and learn more so this does not happen again.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/06/13 08:47 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
I did get the chance to listen to the radio clips and they helped a lot too. I knew he could not support her just a matter of time till enough is enough. As sad as this sounds I want to use this time to better myself and learn more so this does not happen again.
How can bettering yourself be a sad thing?

You're doing great.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/06/13 12:04 PM
Thank you it just sounds selfish in a way but its very much needed.
Posted By: Prisca Re: sucks to be me - 05/06/13 07:07 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
I feel good about doing and completing anger management. I feel like I did something that makes a differance in myself.

What did you learn in anger management?
Did they talk about relaxation in the face of frustrating situations?
Are you daily practicing relaxation while thinking of things that stress you?
Posted By: Prisca Re: sucks to be me - 05/06/13 07:23 PM
Dr. Harley has great advice on anger and relaxation in his article How to Negotiate When You Are An Emotional Person

Originally Posted by Dr. Harley
Just as you might prepare for a marathon, by training your body to run ever-longer distances, you can train your brain to approach frustrating situations with intelligence rather than emotion. Every frustrating situation you find yourself in is a training opportunity. By relaxing instead of attacking (or fleeing), you create an opportunity to approach the situation with thoughtfulness.

While most of us know if we're tense or relaxed, some people find it helpful to use some form of biofeedback to help them quantify their efforts. A simple galvanic response meter can do the trick and they can be purchased on Amazon for between $50 and $100. A CD often accompanies the meter that teaches relaxation techniques. The GSR2 Biofeedback Relaxation System with CD by Bio-Medical Instruments, Inc. is about $75.

The purpose of relaxation training using a biofeedback meter is to learn to relax under conditions of high stress. At first, you simply learn to raise and lower the meter by changing your thoughts. Think of an unpleasant stressful situation, and the meter rises; think of a pleasant non-stressful situation, and the meter lowers. After you can manipulate the meter by simply thinking stressful and non-stressful thoughts, your next challenge is to keep the meter low even when thinking about a stressful situation. You do that by deliberately relaxing every muscle in your body, thereby flushing out all of the adrenaline. With practice, your relaxation can be demonstrated on the biofeedback meter in a matter of seconds.

When you have mastered relaxation while alone, the next challenge is to keep the biofeedback meter low when you discuss a problem with your spouse. At first, you may think that all of your training doesn't work when applied to real-life situations. But with some practice, you will be just as successful with your spouse present as you were while alone.

By keeping the biofeedback meter low, you are controlling your emotional reactions, giving your brain a chance to think of real solutions to your problems. When you become emotional, your creative ability is seriously downgraded, leaving you with few ideas that are worth considering.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/06/13 08:42 PM
Yep pretty much learned to look for signs and if signs show take a break for 20 min. To a hour and be considerate and let the spouse know when you will be back. Thank you for that article.
Posted By: Prisca Re: sucks to be me - 05/06/13 08:47 PM
What do you think about the relaxation exercises he recommended?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/06/13 08:57 PM
At work at the moment will read after the gym.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/06/13 09:08 PM
Thank you I am so going to do that.
Posted By: Prisca Re: sucks to be me - 05/06/13 09:23 PM
Great smile

Are you going to invest in the biometer?

When my husband Markos first bought his, it was a very VISIBLE sign to me that he was not only willing, but also actively working on eliminating his anger all together. He carried it around with him everywhere for awhile.

This is an action that can speak louder than words.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/06/13 10:59 PM
At this point I dont think she cares. But for me its a great way to practice on how to control myself in areas outside of my marriage.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/08/13 12:49 AM
I just went to court and things look hopeful on my side I want to thank you guys and hope everything goes good for the bs's like me and even though things look like a big hole this forum does give you a shovel to dig your self out. The choice is yours to use it or not but I think I am going to use the tool to help myself.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/08/13 04:26 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
I just went to court and things look hopeful on my side I want to thank you guys and hope everything goes good for the bs's like me and even though things look like a big hole this forum does give you a shovel to dig your self out. The choice is yours to use it or not but I think I am going to use the tool to help myself.
hurray
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/10/13 03:49 AM
Not much to update on my marriage other then I paid my half of car insurance like I said I would even though I think I paid a little more. I check tomorrow if she owes I might have to pay the rest. And other news I did help talk a friend / coworker out of a affair so I feel warm and fuzzy about that.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/10/13 03:59 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Not much to update on my marriage other then I paid my half of car insurance like I said I would even though I think I paid a little more. I check tomorrow if she owes I might have to pay the rest. And other news I did help talk a friend / coworker out of a affair so I feel warm and fuzzy about that.
What you mean you talked them out of it? Do they still talk or see the other person? What Have they done to change all avenues that allowed the affair to almost happen?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/10/13 04:13 AM
Just basically told him that for a selfish act he would hurt his kids. And he told me he texted her that he wanted to work things out with his wife
I told him to check this site out.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/10/13 05:06 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Just basically told him that for a selfish act he would hurt his kids. And he told me he texted her that he wanted to work things out with his wife
I told him to check this site out.
Good job. I hope they get help.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/10/13 12:09 PM
Me too im just glad that trying to do the right thing is still around.
Posted By: Jedi_Knight Re: sucks to be me - 05/10/13 01:07 PM
If your friend is about to have an affair you should tell his wife.
He may have texted the ow that he wants to work on his marriage but ow doesn't care and they will keep texting and maintain contact "as friends".

He's probably in the fog and his wife needs to know
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/10/13 02:53 PM
Thank you for your advice. From a friends perspective what would the fog babble sound like?
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/10/13 03:55 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Thank you for your advice. From a friends perspective what would the fog babble sound like?
Wayward Fog is all the same.

Do you know who this OW is? Coworker?Facebook?

Ask your friend "are you going to let your BW know about this OW so you can work on your marriage?"

If/when he says anything other than "I already did". Then you know he's in the fog.

The BW needs to be told.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/10/13 05:18 PM
Yeah he said he already did. And the only thing he talks about is his dates with his wife. Thats why I asked I dont know anything about the ow other then he called her mohawk chick. I also know he told his wife that he smoked and she did not know about that. Now he doesnt wear latex gloves to smoke.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/11/13 11:12 PM
Well I have been reading love busters book and thank good I am willing to read. I hate reading books but I love to read forums and anything informational. But thank you guys. I am on the angry out burst chapter.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/12/13 02:51 AM
I was finding this thread for another poster and thought of you also.

jah's Thread
Posted By: ItCanGetBetter Re: sucks to be me - 05/12/13 03:42 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
I also know he told his wife that he smoked and she did not know about that. Now he doesnt wear latex gloves to smoke.


Unless she's a smoker herself she knew and wearing gloves to conceal his smoking just shows he's out of touch with reality.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/12/13 06:10 AM
Well I just think that cool for him to tell the truth but right now I have to help myself first before I can help others.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/12/13 06:23 AM
If that makes any sense I told him to check this sight out and told him about thethe concepts but I am in no condition to try and save someone elses marriage if mine is in danger.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/12/13 09:11 AM
Thanks for the link brain hurts but funny thing is i was already reading that thread. I just talked to sd and I am worried about her. I am glad I will take her bowling tomorrow but still. Her grades have fallen badly and she tells me her mother is not paying attention to her and would rather be with om. I really think depression has hit her and I pray to god that she has not started to cut herself again. Go figure I am athiest.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/13/13 01:55 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Thanks for the link brain hurts but funny thing is i was already reading that thread. I just talked to sd and I am worried about her. I am glad I will take her bowling tomorrow but still. Her grades have fallen badly and she tells me her mother is not paying attention to her and would rather be with om. I really think depression has hit her and I pray to god that she has not started to cut herself again. Go figure I am athiest.
Poor SDD.

Can you do things with her, since her mom won't? Or with your sister and/or mother?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/13/13 03:57 AM
Yes I can do things with her. I have been talking to her as much as possible even though her mom thinks im putting bad ideas about her. But I guess thats the paranoia talking. I feel that I dont have it as bad as her daughter and I am doing my best to do damage control. I feel so helpless in her regards.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/13/13 05:44 PM
I have a question my ww is trying to tell her family that I have cheated on her before this fiasco and I know no one believes it but her. Would it be a good idea to take a polly test just to show her that I am telling tge truth?
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/13/13 10:52 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
I have a question my ww is trying to tell her family that I have cheated on her before this fiasco and I know no one believes it but her. Would it be a good idea to take a polly test just to show her that I am telling tge truth?
She's trying to rewrite history.

Can you afford it?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/14/13 12:46 AM
I bet when I can get some overtime. I guess she is under a lot of pressure now her family disapproves of her. Guess she wants to move out of state to get away from them. Her daughter wants to live with me and she is fed up with all the lies and has lost a lot of respect for her. She also spends her money like its going out of style and I guess om is getting annoyed with giving her money. But I think he is spinless to say anything. And the reason I want to take the test is to get her to stop calling me a cheat cause thats all she had to justify her actions. I dont know.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/14/13 03:00 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
I bet when I can get some overtime. I guess she is under a lot of pressure now her family disapproves of her. Guess she wants to move out of state to get away from them. Her daughter wants to live with me and she is fed up with all the lies and has lost a lot of respect for her. She also spends her money like its going out of style and I guess om is getting annoyed with giving her money. But I think he is spinless to say anything. And the reason I want to take the test is to get her to stop calling me a cheat cause thats all she had to justify her actions. I dont know.
Taking the poly probably won't keep her from saying fogbabble.

It sounds like the affair is starting to implode. Let her and OM turn on each other.

All OM are spineless.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/14/13 03:08 AM
Thank you bh for your wise advice. Guess patience is a virtue.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/14/13 12:18 PM
Is it alright to tell sd to watch for her name in the mail for identity theft. I learned that ww traded her moms car and forged her mothers name on the title to get a new car? I do not want step daughters credit ruined before she can use it. And I would rather error on the side of caution.
Posted By: karmasrose Re: sucks to be me - 05/14/13 11:48 PM
I'd say do that, and maybe see about getting a credit report to be SURE nothing's happened.

Did you adopt her D? Because if not then odds of getting custody of her are low.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/14/13 11:51 PM
I have not adopted her but what I did was tell her to check the mail with her name on it. Also I told her to tell me if any cards show up.
Posted By: Logans_Run Re: sucks to be me - 05/15/13 02:28 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Is it alright to tell sd to watch for her name in the mail for identity theft. I learned that ww traded her moms car and forged her mothers name on the title to get a new car? I do not want step daughters credit ruined before she can use it. And I would rather error on the side of caution.

You can contact the 3 credit reporting agencies and have a security freeze put on the accounts (done by social security number) That will stop any sort of credit being opened under anyones name including a minor.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/15/13 02:34 AM
Ill have to check that out. Thank you even though she is a step daughter I love her as my own and I promised my ww that I will protect her.
Posted By: Logans_Run Re: sucks to be me - 05/15/13 02:46 AM
It is really easy to do and can be done online. I have had to do this for myself and my children. Make sure you keep the pin numbers that you create so you can unfreeze it at anytime. Freezing and unfreezing takes a just a few minutes to accomplish online.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/15/13 03:08 AM
Sweet. Thank you so much this is one of those things that really makes you sleep easier knowing.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/15/13 04:45 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Is it alright to tell sd to watch for her name in the mail for identity theft. I learned that ww traded her moms car and forged her mothers name on the title to get a new car? I do not want step daughters credit ruined before she can use it. And I would rather error on the side of caution.
So sorry your WW has her head so fogged out that she would use DSD like that.

Remind me, did you do a background check on OM?

What does DSD say about him? Would she be honest with you if he was hurting or abusing her?

Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/15/13 05:04 AM
Yes she would be honest with me. Its just got my attention when sd told me thsy ww was spending money and getting a new car by trading in the car that her mother gave to her by forging her mothers signature. So I would rather protect sd and not need as a cautionary act.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/15/13 05:06 AM
Oh and I know my sd does not like him. He seems off. But I think he is deathly afraid of me so I hope that fear keeps him from hurting her.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/15/13 05:08 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Oh and I know my sd does not like him. He seems off. But I think he is deathly afraid of me so I hope that fear keeps him from hurting her.
I commend you that you are there for your DSD? Where is her bio-dad?


Have you done a background check on OM?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/15/13 05:12 AM
Her bio dad is a junkie that endangered her and sexual abused her. So yeah he can take a long walk off a short peer for all I care. And the back ground check I couldnt find anything on him on spokeo so I do not suggest that site. But I am willing to dig deeper if you can suggest a good site.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/15/13 05:15 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Her bio dad is a junkie that endangered her and sexual abused her. So yeah he can take a long walk off a short peer for all I care.
Wow poor DSD. Did WW ever press charges against the POS?

Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/15/13 05:16 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
And the back ground check I couldnt find anything on him on spokeo so I do not suggest that site. But I am willing to dig deeper if you can suggest a good site.
I used intelius. I got what I needed, but I don't know if it's better or worse than spokeo.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/15/13 05:23 AM
Spokeo was just basic stuff from face book and other things. It was like the info on it was either way off or way out of date.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/15/13 05:26 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Spokeo was just basic stuff from face book and other things. It was like the info on it was either way off or way out of date.
Intelius was better.

Gave you criminal history, address and family contacts, age and workplace if had it and fellow neighbors. Everything that is public.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/15/13 05:32 AM
I am so on it. Thank you so much.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/15/13 05:39 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
I am so on it. Thank you so much.
You're welcome, friend. smile
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/15/13 04:03 PM
I hope I am doing good. My favorite saying is dont panic. From hitch hikers guide to the galaxy. So no matter what happens I try not to panic. Do what I need to do.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/16/13 12:34 PM
Well I heard from her half sister that her modeling flopped bad so she probably wont get extra income now. Guess she is almost at rock bottom. I feel bad for her I knew that the agency was bogus I even warned her. Before the a happened. I feel bad in a way.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/16/13 01:11 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Well I heard from her half sister that her modeling flopped bad so she probably wont get extra income now. Guess she is almost at rock bottom. I feel bad for her I knew that the agency was bogus I even warned her. Before the a happened. I feel bad in a way.
Sometimes the best wake up calls for waywards are when they hit rock bottom.

OM won't be able to help her financially and I'm sure the fights will get worse.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/16/13 01:21 PM
True that when you act on emotion you dont tend to think about the future. What I feel happy about is my predictions are right even though you guys have seen the same thing over and over. Guess affairs are a form of insanity by doing the same thing and expecting a differant result.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/16/13 05:55 PM
Can I ask for some examples of carrots cause the stick part it seems I hit it out the park.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/16/13 07:17 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Can I ask for some examples of carrots cause the stick part it seems I hit it out the park.
Have you heard this one?
Radio Clip on Working Marriage while Separated

What do you think?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/16/13 09:52 PM
Lol it seems like ww is trying to kick me off the car insurance but I paid my half it makes no sense. Should I just get a policy for my self?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/16/13 10:01 PM
Thank you brain hurts for the link it has given me some thing to work on.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/16/13 10:25 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Lol it seems like ww is trying to kick me off the car insurance but I paid my half it makes no sense. Should I just get a policy for my self?
That may be better, so you don't end up uninsured.

How did you find this out?

Also, you're welcome for the link.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/16/13 10:58 PM
I got a phone call from the insurance company they wont drop me if I dont have insurance. I am thinking I might as well so she thinks im not trying to screw her over. But it is upsetting that I am the bad guy in her eyes.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/16/13 11:57 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
I got a phone call from the insurance company they wont drop me if I dont have insurance. I am thinking I might as well so she thinks im not trying to screw her over. But it is upsetting that I am the bad guy in her eyes.
You know why waywards do that, correct? Make the BS out to be the bad guy?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/17/13 12:03 AM
Its a justification to make themselves to believe they are doing the right thing.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/17/13 12:08 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Its a justification to make themselves to believe they are doing the right thing.
You're correct.

Have you finished reading SAA?

What Plan A ideas have you come up with?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/17/13 12:11 AM
Ive read it twice and I am going to get a place. And I am going to take dsd and my ds to lagoon and I threw a invite to ww with out expectations.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/17/13 12:13 AM
Also ww and my mother do not get along so mom has to be out of my life until she accepts dsd and my ww.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/17/13 12:14 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Ive read it twice and I am going to get a place. And I am going to take dsd and my ds to lagoon and I threw a invite to ww with out expectations.
Excellent. Plan stuff (even just going to the park) and always invite her along. If she says no, go anyway and take pictures of you and the kids and send them to her.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/17/13 12:16 AM
Yeah oh a good note I am finishing up love busters and that book is very insightful.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/17/13 12:21 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Yeah oh a good note I am finishing up love busters and that book is very insightful.
I like that one too and Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders and Effective Marriage Counseling.

Found some more clips of a BH Plan A'ing from afar.
Radio Clip on a BH Plan Aing his WW from afar
Segment #2
Segment #3
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/17/13 12:24 AM
Radio Clip on a BH Plan Aing his WW from afar
Segment #2
Segment #3
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/17/13 12:30 AM
Thank you brainhurts you rock and roll all night long!
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/17/13 12:40 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Thank you brainhurts you rock and roll all night long!
As a librarian would. blush
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/17/13 01:11 AM
Either way im very glad for this forum I found out my faults and what I did wrong. I am very glad I learned patience and im still stupidly in love with ww.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/17/13 01:19 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Either way im very glad for this forum I found out my faults and what I did wrong. I am very glad I learned patience and im still stupidly in love with ww.
The best place to learn and make yourself a better person.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/18/13 01:44 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
The radio show went well and verified what I needed to do for myself.
Here's your show.

Radio Clip of Chitenator's Show
Segment #2
Segment #3
Segment #4
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/18/13 01:51 AM
Thank you brain hurts I am always looking for more info. Like I said you rock and roll all night long!!
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/18/13 02:05 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Thank you brain hurts
You're welcome. smile
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/20/13 12:18 PM
I had to pick up dsd up yesterday cause ww couldnt and wanted me too. It is really sad that dsd lost all respect for ww for acting like a child and not like her mother. Also dsd hates the om tries everything to get under his skin by putting stuff he is allergic to in his food.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/21/13 05:04 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
I had to pick up dsd up yesterday cause ww couldnt and wanted me too. It is really sad that dsd lost all respect for ww for acting like a child and not like her mother. Also dsd hates the om tries everything to get under his skin by putting stuff he is allergic to in his food.
What does your WW say to DSD when she expresses her distaste for OM?

Has she ever written a letter to her mom saying exactly how she feels?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/21/13 12:05 PM
The classic ignore her. Cause the om is her soul mate and nothing else matters. Ill ask her to write a letter see if that helps.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/21/13 12:11 PM
I hate the fact that ww is dragging her daughter down with her its one thing you do it to yourself but another to someone that looks up to you. I feel cursed that I love dsd so much that much more is at stake.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/21/13 10:18 PM
All this waiting is driving me crazy I just heard from dsd that ww wants to have posom's baby! And also they have no stability. I feel so screwed!
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/22/13 01:08 AM
Ok sorry back on sane subjects my dsd says he gets annoyed when around dsd. She also said he admitted to doing drugs to dsd boy friend so right now this info is getting me on edge for ww and dsd life. But dsd is always at her grandmas house. I also told dsd to call the police if ww sneeks om man in the house.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/22/13 02:39 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Ok sorry back on sane subjects my dsd says he gets annoyed when around dsd. She also said he admitted to doing drugs to dsd boy friend so right now this info is getting me on edge for ww and dsd life. But dsd is always at her grandmas house. I also told dsd to call the police if ww sneeks om man in the house.
What about grandma? Will she not talk to your WW?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/22/13 03:42 AM
She has she wants to kick ww out cause of the lies but does not want her take dsd. I so wish I could have her live with me.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/22/13 04:00 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
She has she wants to kick ww out cause of the lies but does not want her take dsd. I so wish I could have her live with me.
Hmmm Maybe an angle here?

How about DSD14 writes the letter and grandma adds to it. Will DSD14 tell WW that she wants to stay with grandma? Grandma tells WW that she eeds to leave and DSD14 is staying?

Write Dr. Harley and ask him to tell her that for DSD14's health she should stay with grandma and not be around WW while she's engaging in her affair???
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/22/13 05:17 AM
Ill talk to dsd about that tomorrow when I take her for lunch.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/22/13 08:16 PM
Ok talked to dsd about it. She agrees with me that her mother is in no condition to take care of her so she will talk to grandma about the details. I told her if grandma has any ? To call me.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/23/13 04:54 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Ok talked to dsd about it. She agrees with me that her mother is in no condition to take care of her so she will talk to grandma about the details. I told her if grandma has any ? To call me.
That's great.

DSD is doing a brave thing.

Let us know how it goes.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/23/13 12:04 PM
Lets I know dsd is sick of her m acting like a 12 year old.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/25/13 02:50 AM
A update it seems my ww is wanting to move out with om in the summer and thinks I am talking crap on her and om to dsd. She is also uping her antideppressent meds. Also getting a couple of 900 dollar payday loans. But is still broke. Since I carry around her new phone with her old number so I dont drive myself crazy been getting phone calls from her credit card companies.

All I have to say is wow are all ww's lack common sense like this?
Posted By: Prisca Re: sucks to be me - 05/25/13 03:07 AM
Quote
All I have to say is wow are all ww's lack common sense like this?
Yes.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/25/13 03:12 AM
Originally Posted by Prisca
Quote
All I have to say is wow are all ww's lack common sense like this?
Yes.
Yes.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/25/13 03:25 AM
Wow you know not to be rude to my wife but wow its just so insane its funny.
Now I am starting to understand the fog. So basically its just you give a kid 10 bucks and tell him to spend 5 at the candy store and leave them unsupervised.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/25/13 03:30 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Wow you know not to be rude to my wife but wow its just so insane its funny.
Now I am starting to understand the fog. So basically its just you give a kid 10 bucks and tell him to spend 5 at the candy store and leave them unsupervised.
That's why we say they are aliens in their foggy state.

ALIENS from another PLANET!
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/25/13 03:54 AM
Im glad I feel better because this behavior is very self destructive but its just funny. Its like spending your whole pay checks on scratch tickets hoping to hit the jack pot but if you dont you have nothing.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/25/13 09:40 PM
Another update ww found out I was hanging out with her cousin and her family
And automaticly thinks I was sleeping with her and made herself look crazy I know her cousin is female but never had intamite convo or when we where left alone I would just go home. Dont want to add any more drama. I told her cousin I was still stupidly in love with ww. Just trying not to spread the pain
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/25/13 09:41 PM
But some how I think I screwed up.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/25/13 09:45 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Another update ww found out I was hanging out with her cousin and her family
And automaticly thinks I was sleeping with her and made herself look crazy I know her cousin is female but never had intamite convo or when we where left alone I would just go home. Dont want to add any more drama. I told her cousin I was still stupidly in love with ww. Just trying not to spread the pain
Is this cousin married?

You know MB means you must have boundaries. You're a BS in a very vulnerable state for an affair.

The Harleys will say that "it's our job to protect the wrong people from making LB deposits"

Why were you hanging around someone of the OS?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/25/13 09:49 PM
Just all of my friends married and have lives. I just think going to the movies once cause i was invited and you know those fb tags and thats how she found out but its not like it was immoral on my part but still in ww head it looks bad. I have my bounderies cause I dont want to live with my self doing anything emotional or sexual with any one other then with the wife. I get guilty feelings when I run over a mouse.
Posted By: Prisca Re: sucks to be me - 05/25/13 10:04 PM
Find a guy friend.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/25/13 10:33 PM
Will do.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 05/26/13 12:12 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Will do.
What about going out with your guy friends after they meet their UA time with their DWs (of course) smile?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/26/13 12:37 AM
Well its just I dont like to get drunk often and being around drunk people when you are sober is a annoying for me. I avoid my cousins on my side ex husband cause last week I had to break up a fight. And yes my cousin had a affair on her ex and lives there. So I have no sympathy for her or would be around her.
My single friend I hang out with all the time go to the gym with and he has a bad social disorder so the gym helped him out.

My other friend is trying to get me another woman and that annoys me. I just think if I get invited to go to the movie with a bunch of friends it wasn't a bad thing then getting tagged on fb was kinda lame but I have nothing to hide.

I do hang out with my friend and his wife sometimes but too much drinking kills my liver so its only good in moderation.

Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/26/13 12:42 AM
But I do understand that I am going to not hang out with her anymore. I dont want her life to have drama cause of me.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/27/13 05:29 AM
I just saw a post on fb by my ww that I think is very funny cause its hypocritical and she was talking about betrayal. Wow playing that card to death.
Posted By: BetrayedP Re: sucks to be me - 05/27/13 07:23 AM
Well I'd say it's a big part of the fog. It's almost as though they want you to have an affair also so that they could justify their own. My WH was also more suspicious of me when he was living with his POSOW. Figures.

I'd say yes to not hanging out with the cousin. Keep your boundaries high. I probably wouldn't do group social events either if there are single women present, if you're still married.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/28/13 03:05 AM
I would hate to be so paranoid about it. And making up stories about me cheating on her like 5 times. It hurts my feelings when I have said nothing or done anything to hurt her. I sometimes feel that she is trying to make me look like some kinda monster.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/28/13 03:12 AM
I know its not true but I posted it here to get it off my mind.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/30/13 09:39 PM
I think there may be problems in my ww fantasy. I just found out that her storage shed is past due. And now she is making stuff up about me like I have having a affair for all of our marriage. And it has been very confusing experiance. She wont talk to me and still avoids me I am baffled.
Posted By: Prisca Re: sucks to be me - 05/30/13 09:42 PM
Waywards lie.

BTW, how is your progress on AOs?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 05/30/13 09:55 PM
Yeah I know they lie and deny even when no one believes them. But I think I am getting some progress I dropped my phone and broke the screen and it just made me feel bummed out. I would normaly be upset and mad to where I dont talk.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/06/13 01:29 PM
I am thinking to write my ww wife a email. And would like some oppinions on what not to write. Ill write a draft when I get to a pc and let you guys look over it. If thats ok.
Posted By: Prisca Re: sucks to be me - 06/06/13 04:21 PM
What kind of letter?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/06/13 04:23 PM
Basically im sorry for losing my temper letter with I never cheated on you and be willingto prove it letter.
Posted By: Prisca Re: sucks to be me - 06/06/13 04:57 PM
Post it smile
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/06/13 05:32 PM
Alrighty then ill work on it after work I feel I have to start the carrot part. If she is willing to talk trash about me to her cousin that I went to the movies with her and her family. I must be in her head.
Posted By: Prisca Re: sucks to be me - 06/06/13 05:42 PM
Yes, you're definitely on her mind.
Posted By: markos Re: sucks to be me - 06/06/13 05:49 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
I feel I have to start the carrot part.

Absolutely. smile
Posted By: markos Re: sucks to be me - 06/06/13 05:51 PM
Carrot:

Friends and Enemies of Good Conversation

(There's better material on the subject in the conversation chapter of His Needs, Her Needs.)
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/06/13 05:52 PM
I am glad that I can admit I do have a anger problem and i am doing my best to fix it. I just wish I can just switch it off. It sucks that after I did anger management that I realized that my whole family is angry.
Posted By: markos Re: sucks to be me - 06/06/13 06:10 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
I am glad that I can admit I do have a anger problem and i am doing my best to fix it. I just wish I can just switch it off. It sucks that after I did anger management that I realized that my whole family is angry.

You and me both, friend.

Become very well educated with Dr. Harley's approach to anger management. Not all AM programs are created equal. I got some help from a book/program called Anger Busters (that Dr. Harley doesn't specifically endorse) that talked about a lot of the bad approaches to anger management that have been around since the 70s.

As for switching it off, if you will practice relaxation as Dr. Harley recommends, and practice the rule of doing and saying NOTHING when you are frustrated, upset, or angry, other than just relaxing when you are frustrated, you will find that over time your brain grows new neural pathways that are accustomed to problem solving instead of anger (insanity) when you are frustrated. It's fantastic! Dr. Harley went through this himself many years ago. You will find that you feel angry less and less.
Posted By: markos Re: sucks to be me - 06/06/13 06:10 PM
There are a lot of helpful recommendations for anger in this article by Dr. Harley:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8122_neg.html
Posted By: Prisca Re: sucks to be me - 06/06/13 06:12 PM
Markos hasn't had an angry outburst in 10 months by using Dr. Harley's methods smile
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/06/13 08:29 PM
Thanks markos for the tips on controling anger. Guess it beats running around the block waving my arms in the air making funny sounds. I am almost done with love busters so ill get started on his needs her needs soon after.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 06/07/13 02:31 AM
So glad you're working on your anger.

How's the letter coming along?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/07/13 04:25 AM
Its going ok ill post it up tomorrow not in a hurry to send it till after court on 19. So I want to get it to my liking and get some criticism to improve.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/07/13 11:51 PM
this is what i have so far.

Dear ws

I am very sorry for loosing my temper and calling you names. I just wanted to let you know that i now understand i cannot lose my temper anymore.
that is a weakness of mine. i feel very bad that you had to see it,while i looked at it as a oppertunity to make that weakness a strength so ive taken
and passed anger management classes before it was court ordered i dont expect you to praise me for something simple i just wanted to let you know the changes
i have taken to better myself. Also while you say i have been cheating on you it is not true those accusations have hurt my feelings. i am very willing to prove
to you they are not true by taking a lie detector test or also called a polygraph test. Just to give you a piece of mind that I would never cheat on you. I have eyes
for you and only you.

Also I am hoping you are doing good and im glad you got a new car that looks very nice. I am also working to get a place soon and you and dsd are more then welcome to
move in.
Posted By: Prisca Re: sucks to be me - 06/08/13 03:42 AM
Here are my suggestions:

Quote
I am very sorry for loosing my temper having an angry outburst and calling you names. I just wanted to let you know that i now understand i cannot lose my temper anymore.I know it hurt you and I was wrong. . that is a weakness of mine. i feel very bad that you had to see it, and I will never do that to you again.while i looked at it as a oppertunity to make that weakness a strength so I've taken and passed anger management classes before it was court ordered. i dont expect you to praise me for something simple i just wanted to let you know the changes i have taken to better myself and to protect you.

Also while you say i have been cheating on you it is not true.
I have heard that you believe I have cheated on you. those accusations have hurt my feelings. i am very willing to prove to you they are not truethat I have been faithful by taking a lie detector test or also called a polygraph test. Just to give you a piece of mind peace of mind that I would never cheat have never cheated on you.

I have eyes for you and only you.

Also I am hoping you are doing good and im glad you got a new car that looks very nice. I am also working to get a place soon and you and dsd are more then welcome to move in. come see me.
Posted By: BetrayedP Re: sucks to be me - 06/08/13 04:42 AM
I would lose the bit about the car, since you really didn't like the means she went about getting it, it seems disingenuous.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/08/13 09:36 AM
Those are grest suggestions as I am not so good at saying things about my feelings.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/08/13 09:43 AM
I forgotten to add she has accused me of being unfaithful.
Posted By: Prisca Re: sucks to be me - 06/08/13 03:44 PM
You did say "Also while you say i have been cheating on you it is not true." The problem with wording it this way is that she will see you as saying "LIAR." Don't tell her it is not true. Assume she really does fear that it is true. Tell her that you're willing to prove that it is not true.

The thing about saying she accused you of being unfaithful is that it will come across as an invitation to fight. "Accuse" is disrespectful and a fighting word. But, by rewording it to "I have heard that you believe I have cheated on you," you've taken a lot of the emotion out of it, and it's just a factual statement. It will come across a lot gentler. She may remain open to the rest of what you have to say. Take out the part about it hurting your feelings -- just concentrate on showing her that you're willing to prove that you have been faithful all this time.

Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/08/13 06:46 PM
Thank you prisca that really is insightful. I know I lack tact in talking and writing. Ill be asking more when I write letters.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/10/13 04:20 AM
Dsd called me today in tears saying that her mother wont let her do anything with me on fathers day. It upsets me that I have done nothing wrong and dsd knows this but her mother is acting like I am a vile worthless puke ready to abandon her like everyone has in her daughters life. I have been put through a lot of stuff. But I would rather die then put loved ones in my position. I may be a atheist, I am just hoping I am doing the right things.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/10/13 08:33 PM
Ok I have question to ask. I know ww's just love to say hurtful stuff. But do you think its blowing smoke up peoples behind when they talk about divorce to everyone but the bs?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/11/13 12:31 AM
Sorry for freaking out. The d word scares me but its just her way to trick her friends that what she is doing is ok.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 06/11/13 02:35 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Ok I have question to ask. I know ww's just love to say hurtful stuff. But do you think its blowing smoke up peoples behind when they talk about divorce to everyone but the bs?
Yup.

That's why you don't listen to waywards. You watch their actions.

Has she done anything to start D?

Do you know how a wayward is lying?????

Their lips are moving.

How are your Plan A efforts going? How is your self-care and self-improvement going?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/11/13 02:53 PM
Nothing other then just trying to make me look like the evil abusive husband.
Posted By: Prisca Re: sucks to be me - 06/11/13 02:57 PM
You did abuse her with your AO.
Did you send her that letter?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/11/13 04:48 PM
Even though it was once or twice you are right. It stings but at least it reminds me on what kind of damage I can do. I have not sent the letter yet. I plan on doing it after court next weds.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/11/13 05:52 PM
Just in case. Might be a protective order on her from me.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 06/11/13 05:52 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Even though it was once or twice you are right. It stings but at least it reminds me on what kind of damage I can do. I have not sent the letter yet. I plan on doing it after court next weds.
What's court about?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/11/13 06:47 PM
Domestic violence. But she attacked me and I pushed her into her seat to keep her from accidently hitting the driver. It just sucks I would never lay a hand on her unless its to eefend myself or to pull her away so she wouldn't get punched.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/13/13 04:19 PM
I think ww is trying to call me from a private number I never answer private numbers or blocked. Should I answer the phone next time?
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 06/13/13 04:39 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
I think ww is trying to call me from a private number I never answer private numbers or blocked. Should I answer the phone next time?
Does she contact you another way normally?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/13/13 04:58 PM
As of lately no. Its just that I am terrified of talking to her now. Im afaid of letting emotions taking over.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 06/13/13 05:21 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
As of lately no. Its just that I am terrified of talking to her now. Im afaid of letting emotions taking over.
Then you have your answer.

Why can't you keep your emotions under control?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/13/13 05:38 PM
I know I can but I was going good and happy then I got the phone call and it felt like my stomach dropped to the floor. It was a very bad feeling. Its just so hard sometimes. I know sometimes you have to jump into the fire and today I feel fear won.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/13/13 05:42 PM
Oh yes I have been taking care of myself been going to the gym snd eating and such.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 06/13/13 05:46 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Oh yes I have been taking care of myself been going to the gym snd eating and such.
How are you sleeping?

When was the last time you talked to your WW?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/13/13 05:52 PM
Been sleeping like a log and last time I talked to her was in text like a couple of months ago. She tried to start a arguement and I ended it with all of our good past memories and I think it stumped her.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 06/13/13 05:54 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Been sleeping like a log and last time I talked to her was in text like a couple of months ago. She tried to start a arguement and I ended it with all of our good past memories and I think it stumped her.
So are you going to go into Plan B after court next week?

Have you been able to make any LB deposits?

When's the last time you spoke with DSD14?

Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/13/13 06:04 PM
Not plan b yet I have talk to dsd monday.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 06/13/13 06:21 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Not plan b yet I have talk to dsd monday.
How is she doing? Is she safe?

So you're still in Plan A, correct? Any plan to make any LB deposits?

How is your DS8 doing?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/13/13 07:03 PM
Im waiting after court to make sure the restraining order is off. I dont want to get a felony on my record.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/13/13 07:08 PM
Dsd is doing good but she misses me badly as I miss her a lot. I never knew I could get so attached to someone thats not blood. Ds is doing good but misses dsd and ww. My plans first of all I have to talk to her with out lb's firstly. Im just feel like im at a stalemate right now.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 06/13/13 07:29 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Im waiting after court to make sure the restraining order is off. I dont want to get a felony on my record.

Very smart.
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Dsd is doing good but she misses me badly as I miss her a lot. I never knew I could get so attached to someone thats not blood. Ds is doing good but misses dsd and ww. My plans first of all I have to talk to her with out lb's firstly. Im just feel like im at a stalemate right now.
Can you and DS meet with DSD for lunch or something?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/13/13 08:34 PM
Well we took her to a theme park a few weekends ago and she wantd to do sonething with us on fathers day but ww is acting like im having a affair and doesnt want her to hang out. So im just waiting on the word.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 06/13/13 09:06 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Well we took her to a theme park a few weekends ago and she wantd to do sonething with us on fathers day but ww is acting like im having a affair and doesnt want her to hang out. So im just waiting on the word.
Waywards love to turn tables.

Protect yourself. Also it wouldn't be a bad idea to have another adult go with you. A sister perhaps or an aunt or mom?

When/if you do start talking to WW again have a VAR on you.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/13/13 09:31 PM
Ok good idea. Ill get a recorder. I never see ww. She is always gone leaving her daughter at home. Or takes her to posom place.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/13/13 11:56 PM
Ok ww left me a threatning voice mail about a balance owed on car insurance.
She threatened to take me to small claims 400 dollars.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/14/13 12:21 AM
I plan to pay it just hate it when I get threatened.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 06/14/13 01:44 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Ok ww left me a threatning voice mail about a balance owed on car insurance.
She threatened to take me to small claims 400 dollars.
Are you supposed to pay? Does she have to pay any?

Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/14/13 02:02 AM
Ill pay the 400 no big deal but its like I did nothing wrong and she is threatening me. I really think she is hurting for money.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 06/14/13 02:31 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Ill pay the 400 no big deal but its like I did nothing wrong and she is threatening me. I really think she is hurting for money.
It sure seems that way.

I'm sure you're documenting all of this, correct? Save the voicemail.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/14/13 02:41 AM
Yes I am.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/14/13 02:50 AM
Lol guess the crazies hit when she is hitting rock bottom. What a day was happy and cheerful but this happens but on good note I got frustrated in a problem with moving stuff around and just calmed down and solved tge problem.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/14/13 04:25 AM
Whoops dont want to make a dj. Sorry still trying to word things better.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 06/14/13 04:34 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Whoops dont want to make a dj. Sorry still trying to word things better.
That's what's important is that you're catching it.


Keep up the good good work.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/14/13 05:19 AM
Thanks I just feel like I might be going sane in a insane world.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/14/13 05:57 PM
She called again but I was working so I couldnt answer guess its time for me to suck it up and answer next time she calls. Use it as a chance to deposit love units in her lb. Any suggestions?
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 06/14/13 07:32 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
She called again but I was working so I couldnt answer guess its time for me to suck it up and answer next time she calls. Use it as a chance to deposit love units in her lb. Any suggestions?
Be very pleasant and if she tries to talk divorce, you say "I don't talk divorce my lawyer does"

I don't think it's a good idea to talk to her until after the hearing next Wednesday.

If you do, can you record the conversation?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/14/13 07:48 PM
Not at the moment. I dont think she will talk divorce but anything can happen.
Guess ill call the insurance company to let them know when I can pay them what I owe.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 06/14/13 09:19 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Not at the moment. I dont think she will talk divorce but anything can happen.
Guess ill call the insurance company to let them know when I can pay them what I owe.
Then maybe call her and say the insurance is taken care of. smile
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/14/13 11:05 PM
I called the insurance company and its taken care of. I had the agent give her a call to let her know.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 06/14/13 11:09 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
I called the insurance company and its taken care of. I had the agent give her a call to let her know.
Good job.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/14/13 11:34 PM
Thank you. I just hate getting that feeling in your gut that something is either going to be good or bad.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/15/13 10:01 PM
On a good note ww is letting dsd to hang out with me tomorow for fathers day.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/17/13 01:43 AM
Glad I took dsd and ds out. I would have to say its the best fathers day gift ever. Also to all the bs' s out there even though things arw going rough we have the kids to make things go smoother.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 06/17/13 03:39 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Glad I took dsd and ds out. I would have to say its the best fathers day gift ever. Also to all the bs' s out there even though things arw going rough we have the kids to make things go smoother.
Happy Fathers Day.

What a wonderful gift.
Posted By: Darkguy Re: sucks to be me - 06/17/13 04:22 AM
Glad to hear your WW wasn't to silly and I'm glad to hear your day was awesome. I said a prayer for you last night.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/17/13 05:17 AM
Thank you I hope you are having a good fathers day also.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/18/13 12:30 PM
About the letter would it be better if i emailed it or drop it off at her mothers house?
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 06/19/13 06:01 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
About the letter would it be better if i emailed it or drop it off at her mothers house?
I think whichever you decide would be fine
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/19/13 12:02 PM
Ok just making sure. Today is my hearing for court.
Posted By: Darkguy Re: sucks to be me - 06/19/13 04:22 PM
Good luck!
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/19/13 04:42 PM
Im just glad to hopefully get it over with.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/19/13 08:47 PM
Court sucks and why cause it takes along time so I do not plan on coming back unless its for something like a traffic ticket or something minor.
Posted By: Darkguy Re: sucks to be me - 06/19/13 09:28 PM
What was th court date about? Did it go in your favor?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/19/13 10:26 PM
Well I had to delay the process of court the da gave me 2 choices to think about. 1 I get dm on a court probation with a no contact order with ww till its done. 2 get assault and battery and still have a no contact order. This ruins my plan's for plan a and hurts my chances with saving my marriage. Man this upsets me.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/19/13 10:44 PM
Im thinking about going to trial. I dont care about the fines and my record but tge no contact order will be the killing blow to my marriage. Any advice would help alot in thinking about my next move.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/19/13 11:42 PM
Guess im screwed the police warped my words in the report saying I admitted to punching her. When I said I pushed her.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/20/13 12:34 AM
Ill think of something I am going to look at the report and think of something.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/20/13 12:46 AM
Oh talked to dsd today and she is doing good. She also told me posom was kicked out of his parents house because of thier relationship and is living on his buddies couch.
P.s. sorry for my rants about my situation. I still have hope.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 06/20/13 04:17 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Guess im screwed the police warped my words in the report saying I admitted to punching her. When I said I pushed her.
Do you have a lawyer?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/20/13 04:50 AM
Yeah. I have been thinking long and hard all day. I think it is time to pay the piper with option 2 om was the biggest victom of my wraith. I hope I can eek by and the judge forgets prolonging the no contact order. Also I learned a very valuable lessen that police are lazy and plea the fifth.

Yes i do have a lawyer I asked him if I had a chance if it went to trial and the situation would not have a chance.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/20/13 04:57 AM
Oh can emotional stress cause headaches? Since this whole mess I have been getting them bad and often now.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 06/20/13 05:09 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Oh can emotional stress cause headaches? Since this whole mess I have been getting them bad and often now.
Yes. When can you get into your doctor? Maybe just get a check up?

So your lawyer said you don't have a chance? Did I read that right?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/20/13 11:58 AM
Yep it would be my word against the police.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/20/13 12:11 PM
It just sucks that no matter what it seems I will get a no contact order with the ww. It would hurt my chances dramaticly of recovering my marriage I would think.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/21/13 12:52 AM
Well did a check up and im fine its just headaches caused by stress and normal ib profen should work. And today I just had a good and normal day stress free, I also had no reason to be very happy and excited so hopefully its a spider sense that something good will come my way. :-)
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 06/21/13 01:37 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
It just sucks that no matter what it seems I will get a no contact order with the ww. It would hurt my chances dramaticly of recovering my marriage I would think.
When will you know?

I'm glad you had the headaches checked out.

Do you exercise?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/21/13 02:18 AM
Yeah I work out and my final court date is july 3rd. I hope if its goes that route I hope its for 30 more days cause this is driving me insane that I cant talk to her. I still have hope. She still thinks im going out of my way to make life hard on her but I have done nothing. Guess she thinks that its my fault for her choices and the after math that entrails.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/24/13 05:45 PM
Took dsd out for dinner yesterday it was good. Guess ww is stalking me on face book and also she hid pics from posom with me and her instead of deleting them like he wanted her to. I also found out she stole one of my shirts.
I guess she is missing me. Hopefully that info is a good sign.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/27/13 11:02 PM
Tomorrow is my ww's b-day thinking of getting her a card nothing to fancy. Guess posom could not afford a b-day gift for ww. Hope she is secound guessing him.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 06/28/13 12:47 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Tomorrow is my ww's b-day thinking of getting her a card nothing to fancy. Guess posom could not afford a b-day gift for ww. Hope she is secound guessing him.
I thought there was a NC ordered?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/28/13 01:26 AM
So it would be a better idea to wait I guess.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/28/13 01:28 AM
But I dont think she even remember it. No sheriff has delivered any papers. I guess I should wait.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 06/28/13 01:47 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
But I dont think she even remember it. No sheriff has delivered any papers. I guess I should wait.
So it was ordered when you were at court, correct?

Maybe make her a card with the kids and add a family picture and hold on to it for later? I just don't think you should do anything that can get you in trouble with the courts.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/28/13 01:54 AM
I have not done the sentancing yet the lawyer mentioned it what might happen with my plea. I think you are right bh I guess I feel om dropped the ball and I feel like kicking it out of his court.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 06/28/13 02:37 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
I have not done the sentancing yet the lawyer mentioned it what might happen with my plea. I think you are right bh I guess I feel om dropped the ball and I feel like kicking it out of his court.
If there wasn't the issue with the courts I think it would be an excellent Plan A idea.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/28/13 03:07 AM
Yeah dang the man. Lol
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 06/28/13 03:08 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Yeah dang the man. Lol
It probably would still be a bad idea if it came from the kids?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/28/13 03:08 AM
I know it in my gut that she is starting to miss me. I just wish I could act on it now.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/28/13 03:10 AM
Yeah pretty much 3rd party if i remember right. But I have been on my best behavior so there is a great chance the judge wont renew it.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/29/13 02:03 AM
I took the risk and got her a card and a rose. On the card it said hope you are doing well. And she loved it!
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 06/29/13 10:23 PM
I will give her the letter now. It should be good if I dont upset her. I dont know I just think some how the big man upstairs is showing me these oppertunites even though I. Athiest.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 07/01/13 12:52 AM
Gave dsd the letter to give ww let you guys know what she says about ir.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 07/01/13 07:16 PM
I just remembered that posom likes to mooch iff of ww and also take credit fir other peoples work. I have a question in what can I do to exploit that?
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 07/02/13 01:29 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
I just remembered that posom likes to mooch iff of ww and also take credit fir other peoples work. I have a question in what can I do to exploit that?
Does this "mooching" have any financial repercussions on you?

You aren't still paying her insurance are you?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 07/02/13 01:40 AM
Not really. Just my dsd it effects, I try to help out dsd as much as possable and I think its unfair when dsd needs clothes or food but posom gets first pick and dsd gets scraps.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 07/02/13 01:46 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Not really. Just my dsd it effects, I try to help out dsd as much as possable and I think its unfair when dsd needs clothes or food but posom gets first pick and dsd gets scraps.
So can you buy what DSD needs and send it straight to her? Do not give WW the money.

Are you still paying her insurance?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 07/02/13 04:03 AM
I have been. And of course ww gets no money from me and I dont pay for her insurance. Dsd has been getting stuff from me and her grandma.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 07/03/13 09:05 PM
Good news no contact order is no more since my first court date!!!
Posted By: Prisca Re: sucks to be me - 07/03/13 09:21 PM
Meaning you can now legally contact your wife? Great laugh
What's your plan?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 07/03/13 10:15 PM
I sent her a rose and a birthday card. Plus I sent her the letter. Its just hard to call or text her cause I dont have her number. Plus she is avoiding me. I still do stuff with dsd even take her to dr appointments and such. I think she is avoiding me because of guilt and she is not happy. I think from what dsd said about her rose and birthday card it did make her smile and say it was sweet and thoughtful so I am guessing she misses me.

I am at a loss on my plan by writing her and sending her a rose like once a week might be a little too much.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 07/03/13 10:23 PM
She does fear that I have cheated on her so would it be a good idea to take the test and give her peace of mind?
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 07/10/13 09:36 PM
Here is a a good clip of a wife having a protective order against a husband. Tell us what you think.

Radio Clip
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 07/10/13 10:46 PM
Its pretty good very insightful. Lol its very funny that I go to this sight every day just to learn and see other views. I hope others can learn from my mistakes as im doing my best to learn how to be a better husband. Is it common for ww to stalk the bs on like fb?
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 07/10/13 11:39 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Its pretty good very insightful. Lol its very funny that I go to this sight every day just to learn and see other views. I hope others can learn from my mistakes as im doing my best to learn how to be a better husband. Is it common for ww to stalk the bs on like fb?
Yes waywards do stupid things.

It could mean nothing is all well in affair land.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 07/10/13 11:42 PM
I know its not going good dsd tells me everything. I just hope im doing good cleaning my side and trying to show her I care for her but I wont support her fantasyland.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 07/10/13 11:47 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
I know its not going good dsd tells me everything. I just hope im doing good cleaning my side and trying to show her I care for her but I wont support her fantasyland.
Then it may seem you may be making some LB deposits. Have you actually been able to speak to her yet?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 07/11/13 04:17 AM
No I have not. Just been making sure dsd is taken care of.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 07/11/13 05:01 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
No I have not. Just been making sure dsd is taken care of.
Good, keep it up.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 07/11/13 12:00 PM
Thanks for your support. I also think its a good thing that I am taking care of dsd just for her. I think she needs me more then ever.
Posted By: Darkguy Re: sucks to be me - 07/11/13 03:35 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Its pretty good very insightful. Lol its very funny that I go to this sight every day just to learn and see other views. I hope others can learn from my mistakes as im doing my best to learn how to be a better husband. Is it common for ww to stalk the bs on like fb?

I wouldn't be putting too much stock in it. One thing I learned about Plan A is to have NO EXPECTATIONS! She could be snooping for your "affair" or simply trying to find dirt on you. People post some stupid stuff on FB daily. It could also mean she is missing you and torn and confused. My point is putting too much time in thinking what she is doing will make your LB drain faster when things don't go the way you expected. Continue to do you in other words despite her actions.

Good actions give strength to ourselves and inspire good actions in others- Plato
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 07/11/13 03:57 PM
If anything I just dont really care and also I kinda find it very creepy in a sense. I thought it is the dumped that does the stalking.
Posted By: Darkguy Re: sucks to be me - 07/11/13 04:18 PM
LOL. Very true its supposed to be the other way around but honestly when has a wayward done something that was logical and made sense.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 07/11/13 04:39 PM
You make a valid point. Lol
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 07/13/13 09:56 PM
I have a question. If a ww is misrable do they take it out on the bs?
Posted By: karmasrose Re: sucks to be me - 07/13/13 10:16 PM
Of course they do. They want to make you miserable, plus give themselves ammo to use to prove you're the demon they've made you out to be.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 07/17/13 01:53 PM
Ok I have another question. Is plan a also trying to woo the ww back right? The carrot part.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 07/18/13 01:28 AM
I have written a poem to send to my ww tomorrow. Hope thats a plan a tactic.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 07/22/13 05:56 PM
Update from me life is going good and dsd told me the poem made her cry and she told her she misses me. I hope I am breaking through her wall brick by brick.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 07/23/13 04:28 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Update from me life is going good and dsd told me the poem made her cry and she told her she misses me. I hope I am breaking through her wall brick by brick.
hurray
Posted By: Darkguy Re: sucks to be me - 07/23/13 04:57 AM
Told you the poem will work. Praying for you!
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 07/23/13 05:08 AM
Thanks td you and your kids are in my prayers.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 07/28/13 10:06 PM
Well went to the club for the first time since I was banned. Saw ww and other man there and the went downstairs to avoid me but ww was watching me like a hawk. But I didnt care just its good to find out all of her friends talked to me to see how I was doing. I just wanted to show ww and other man I am my own man and they cant run me out of no where. I just feel more like my old self.
And thats happy. Oh yeah I think I ruined om mans night cause when I left he was staring me down like he was trying to scare me.
Posted By: BetrayedP Re: sucks to be me - 07/28/13 10:42 PM
Hey, glad to her that protection order was finally lifted. From what you wrote, plan A is going well so far. Keep it up! No lovebusters. Hang in there smile
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 07/29/13 12:43 AM
I have more confedence in controlling my emotions more every day. Thank you guys for the reality check I needed to hear.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 07/30/13 10:09 PM
I hope im doing a good job cause this fog babble sometimes gets to me. Ww told dsd that she hopes that she isnt giving me false hope and guess at the club she told dsd that I was creeping her out but I think she was watching me the whole time. Sometimes I feel what im doing is a pointless battle.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 07/30/13 10:14 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
I hope im doing a good job cause this fog babble sometimes gets to me. Ww told dsd that she hopes that she isnt giving me false hope and guess at the club she told dsd that I was creeping her out but I think she was watching me the whole time. Sometimes I feel what im doing is a pointless battle.
Keep your chin up.

The Fogbabble can be tough to tune out sometimes. Remember waywards are aliens and talk crazy. Try not to listen.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 07/30/13 10:22 PM
Thanks bh I just feel that tomorrow will be a better day.
Posted By: Darkguy Re: sucks to be me - 07/31/13 12:49 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
I hope im doing a good job cause this fog babble sometimes gets to me. Ww told dsd that she hopes that she isnt giving me false hope and guess at the club she told dsd that I was creeping her out but I think she was watching me the whole time. Sometimes I feel what im doing is a pointless battle.

Listen and I'm being blunt! Why do you think your fogged out WW tells your child these things? Simple, she knows it will get back to you. My WW does it all the time with my SS. Ignore it, your WW is inner turmoil right now classic case of WS "confusion". To become less confused they say things like that expecting you to get angry and clear their "confusion" with the AP. When you don't get mad, she has 0 justification. Keep doing what your doing bro! My WW defended me against POSOM, guess he called me pathetic or something and she countered with no he's not. Keep your head and remember you control yourself.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 07/31/13 12:57 AM
Thanks td I needed that I just hate this rollar coaster of emotions. On a positve note I starting to quit smoking thanks to one of the e cigs I got. Next ill start taking the meds to stop being dependant on nicotine.
Posted By: Jedi_Knight Re: sucks to be me - 07/31/13 03:16 AM
I smoked as a teenager.
After Listening to a sermon at a revival I quit. I knew it was wrong to kill myself with cigarettes.

Today....i am a marathon runner!
I run local 5k and 10k races and usually place in the top 2 or in my age division!
Your body will rapidly heal after quitting.

That smoke and nicotine is a drug in your blood.
Get it out.
I strongly encourage you to go to a plant based diet and begIn walking daily.
Also stop eating fast foods and invest in a juicer if you can.

If you are willing, coffee enemas will detox your liver and blood. You can google that for more info.

I don't want to overwhelm you but you are doing great by quitting smoking. But don't stop there. Make it the first step towards becoming the next Jack LeLane!
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 08/05/13 03:42 AM
Well I have some news looks like my ww and posom are going to get a apartment together. I also heard from dsd that ww is not doing so well at work. I so hope she does not get fired but if she does that sucks.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 08/15/13 05:46 PM
A update today I got a text from mil asking for ww to drop off the rest of dsd stuff at her house at 4 today. So I texted back that I dont think I can do that cause I have plans today but im free to do it when im done with my plans. Hope that I answered right.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 08/15/13 07:12 PM
I think I did. Anyways ill just drop the stuff off after my plans. Looking good and sharp. Ill. Make sure I will just make small talk.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 09/16/13 07:31 PM
Update im doing good still going to the gym and stopped smoking. I had to get some clothes for dsd and got a im from om sil about how she is sorry. Wow I exposed in april. All in all im doing way better emotionaly now then back a few months.
Posted By: Jedi_Knight Re: sucks to be me - 09/16/13 07:37 PM
Congrats on stopping smoking!
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 09/16/13 08:22 PM
Thanks need to anyways. Oh I forgot to mention that I ran into ww best friend that they no longer hang out with. She said she was sorry and I am a very good and reliable man. She told me to never lose that side of me.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 09/29/13 07:38 PM
Went to the club last night with guy friends lol. Ww showed up with other man and I guess saw me having a good time and talking to people. I guess my guy friends where scuzzing om man so bad he was hiding behind a pillar. I felt she was watching my every move I didnt want to start drama so I was not going out of my way to look at her. I felt like I did good by not talking about her and just being there to have a good time.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 10/22/13 12:58 AM
Ok a update thursday I took dsd for lunch and picked her friend up from work. Ww texted dsd texting she betrayed her trust by letting me know where they live saying I am known to be a stalker. Well on saturday night I was with guy friends at his thier house ww was texting me the same stuff she texted me 8 months ago. I agreed on the stuff I done wrong but I told her I would never try to turn dsd against her. The only thing I have talked to dsd about ww is how are they doing.

I got a call from dsd and she is crying. From what I understand dsd stood up for me and she told ww that ww was the one that ruined our family and she hated ww. I did my best to calm her down and told dsd that she didn't mean to say that. So now I guess dsd can't call me or text me with out ww listening in or watching. Oh I forgot ww is upset that her family and friends are not on her side exposure really works.
Posted By: LearnedTooLate Re: sucks to be me - 10/22/13 04:24 AM
It's been far and wide between your updates, and i noticed you haven't had many replies recently, so i just wanted to lend you some support.

Refresh my memory.

Are you supposed to be in Plan B by now?

I am not quite sure about MB advice about certain situations, but i think it is not your responsibility to run interference for SD's thoughts about what she said to WW.

I think others can come up with a less apologetic reply to WW than how you phrased it, but i do understand on wanting to keep peaceful communications to behoove child visitations.

I hope things are turning around for you and it's amazing that exposure from April is still resonating some responses and support.

LTL
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 10/22/13 04:53 AM
Still in plan a. Just hanging tight and improving myself day by day. I don't really care what ww hss to say cause I've heard it many times. It seems now she is getting close to hitting rock bottom and her dd doesn't wsnt to join her.
Posted By: Darkguy Re: sucks to be me - 10/22/13 06:41 AM
Your doing well. I feel for your SD though her relationship with her mother is damage and will never be the same. When your WW realizes what her affair cost her it will implode. Keep up the self improvements.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 10/22/13 11:48 AM
Thanks td and I hope you are doing good on your side.
Posted By: Darkguy Re: sucks to be me - 10/22/13 03:33 PM
There is a song, a rap song actually ( don't know your taste in music) by Talib Kweli called It only gets better. That's my motto, I make a change in my lifestyle cleaning up my side of the street so to speak I think of other ways I can improve upon that specific trait. For example, I hate folding laundry but it was one of her complaints so in order to make it easier and enjoyable for myself I teach DS how to and we make it into a game. Hope your improving yourself as well.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 10/22/13 05:05 PM
I quit smoking she hated that. I do the ecig now going to cut nicotine out. Lifting weights to kill depression.
Posted By: Darkguy Re: sucks to be me - 10/22/13 05:37 PM
How are doing on the father front? Remember your WW top needs and improve in that area.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 10/22/13 05:46 PM
Doing good there. Ds is doing great and dsd loves me as a father I take her out to dinner when I can. Its just sad that ww thinks I'm trying to turn her against ww.
Posted By: Darkguy Re: sucks to be me - 10/22/13 05:49 PM
Its sad and shows your having a impact! Keep it up, kudos to the weightlifting to combat your depression. Just keep your boundaries high when your in the gym, a lot of affairs start in the gym. I run and do crossfit to beat my depression, I refuse to take mind altering substances lol
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 10/22/13 07:25 PM
My borders are protected when it comes to the opposite sex. I turned down a lot of women. I told my dsd why I don't date while being in my position its not fair to ww and what kind of example would that make if I did. I truly believe you shouldn't have to step on people to find true happiness its better to share it.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 10/23/13 12:21 PM
So I know I have to keep this up. But sometimes it seems that I am her problem when I'm just trying to be posotive.
Posted By: Darkguy Re: sucks to be me - 10/23/13 01:38 PM
Your letting the fogbabble get to you. Stay strong and don't let her actions or comments deter your plans. Remember you only can control yourself.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 10/23/13 03:09 PM
Ok thank you for your reassurance. I just hate how you keep hearing the same thing over and over. It feels like you start to believe its true and you are pulled into the bs fog.
Posted By: mijunleigh Re: sucks to be me - 10/23/13 05:33 PM
Same thing over and over.

Stick to the plan, stick to the plan, stick to the plan.

You'll make it.
Posted By: Darkguy Re: sucks to be me - 10/24/13 03:31 PM
I know it sometimes feel like your on a hamster wheel because you don't have and positive reactions from WW just negative reinforcement. Rest assured you are having a impact. For example, I spoke with my WW the other day about something unimportant in just did it to have contact. She went from that seemingly unimportant subject to how she hated her job and a specific worker there. At first glance this seems to be non-crucial but look at it from this perspective.

She spoke to me about it because of my Plan A. Do you think she will tell POSOM she talked to me and if she did will she tell him about the whole conversation? She came to me with this venting and not POSOM, you know why? Because the honeymoon phase is over they at shacking up and now it's not "fun" anymore and they don't talk like they used to. The fantasy is crumbling!

It's not a hamster wheel its a ultra-marathon! Keep your pace and when you do get some morsels or scraps of positive emotional energy do a little sprint. I sent her a email saying how enjoyed the conversation and that I'm sorry that co-worker of hers is a real "female dog". Once you come out of the sprint go back to the marathon and keep your pace. (^^)b
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 10/24/13 04:17 PM
Thank you for the motivation that I needed.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 11/17/13 02:32 AM
How are things?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 11/17/13 03:07 AM
I am alive and doing well. Dsd called me on a private number so i think ww was listening in guess she misses hearing my voice. But me and dsd talked about the events in her life. I miss my family a lot but I keep stepping up and staying positive.
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 11/17/13 03:46 AM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
I am alive and doing well. Dsd called me on a private number so i think ww was listening in guess she misses hearing my voice. But me and dsd talked about the events in her life. I miss my family a lot but I keep stepping up and staying positive.
Glad to hear it.

Any plans soon to see DSD?
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 11/17/13 03:53 AM
After dsd fighting with ww I don't know. Ww blames me for everything in her life going to crap even her daughters actions are my fault. Only time will tell.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 12/03/13 05:55 AM
Update for me. Looked up a friend from high school and got him to go out to the club. Saw ww there and she flipped me the bird and hid downstairs. I smiled and waved. I'm sorry but that put a big smile on my face. A few weeks ago dsd called me crying saying she was sorry for being a teen basicly and she mentioned that ww and I like to call him puke wagon fighting like screaming at each other. So my guess is she is trying to pull me in her misery with the bird flipping.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 01/17/14 03:05 AM
Update. I was just served divorce papers today and I looked through them it seems like she wants 3800 and half of a 100000 life insurance policy she must be hurting for money she didn't have a attorney on the paper work. I did talk yo dsd she seems to be doing fine. She also told me that ww spent 500 in clothes and posom made her return them.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 01/17/14 03:08 AM
I guess I'm fine with divorce but I'm not ok with her acting entitled to half of my life insurance when she is the one that is in a affair.
Posted By: Jedi_Knight Re: sucks to be me - 01/17/14 03:20 AM
Oh yes sir!
Welcome to our terrible legal system
Posted By: BlairBluefin Re: sucks to be me - 01/17/14 03:28 AM
What type of life insurance policy was it? Did you pay the premiums or did she? Have you talked to your attorney about this?
Posted By: Jedi_Knight Re: sucks to be me - 01/17/14 03:35 AM
It must be whole life.
Posted By: LearnedTooLate Re: sucks to be me - 01/17/14 03:42 AM
Take a non-taxable loan out on the current value of the life insurance policy.

Then it's current value is diminished down to zero dollars. It's like taking out a loan from yourself. Then after things are settled, you can pay back your loan to your policy holder.

Check out the time-frames for the repayment period and ask your accountant to ensure there will be no personal tax ramifications.

LTL
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 01/17/14 04:05 AM
Going to talk to attorney about it. I had the policy before I met my ww.
Posted By: BlairBluefin Re: sucks to be me - 01/17/14 04:59 AM
Good to hear that you are going to talk to your attorney about it. I was thinking you had the policy before you married her. That is why I was asking who had been paying for the premiums.

Keep us updated.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 01/17/14 05:37 AM
Will do. Been coming out of my account since day 1. I think she is hurting for money big time and hopes I will roll over for her.
Posted By: CharlieChoco Re: sucks to be me - 01/17/14 10:11 AM
Hi, I'm sorry for you & the kids, and I wish you all the best!

I wanted to asked (perhaps I missed it in your posts) if you, your son or stepdaughter are in any kind of (family/individual) counselling or in support groups (for people&children going through divorce)?

I'd suggest this because I think it would, especially for the kids, help them immensely, while also hopefully look good in potential custody disputes. If you have no legal right regarding DSD, I would still (after talking to your lawyer) try talking to the WW about it, or at least try to set something up (some sort of counselling/groups) and informing WW/DSD that the possibility is there, that it is free/covered by insurance/you're paying/you're willing to foot half the bill/etc.

From what you've written, it seems as though your DSD is struggling a lot with all of it, that's why I'm writing about it, even if you might no have any legal rights...

Also, make sure you are constantly involved with your kid's/kids' school(s?). (after talking to your lawyer) Notify the teachers about the situation, ask them to pay extra attention to your kids etc. Not only will it be beneficial to the kids, but will look good in court. Also, does the school offer counselling?

I apologize for the long post, but from my personal and professional experience I often see how badly kids need lots of family and professional help/support in situations like this, even/especially if they don't show it, and that parents sometimes aren't aware of all the possible ways of helping them.

Best wishes!
Posted By: Darkguy Re: sucks to be me - 01/17/14 11:42 AM
Sorry to hear that. Your doing well getting a lawyer, the fact she hasn't hired a lawyer makes me think this was a decision to quell the wrath of the POSOM. What is your end game? Are you still trying to reconcile?
Posted By: Jedi_Knight Re: sucks to be me - 01/17/14 12:03 PM
The OM may be helping her play lawyer
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 01/17/14 12:51 PM
I do know that both kids are in therapy that my insurance cover. My end game is just survive this and try to be a better person if the marriage is saved great if not great. Either way I've grown pretty tired of this and I want something to happen.
Posted By: CharlieChoco Re: sucks to be me - 01/17/14 12:57 PM
Thanks for the answer! I hope you have a good support system as well for yourself!

Best wishes

Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 01/17/14 01:17 PM
I have a great support system. My son does also. My hope is that I've been a very good rolemodel for both kids, I hope I showed them that I fought for them and myself.
Posted By: Darkguy Re: sucks to be me - 01/17/14 01:35 PM
Don't engage her with legal talk. Whether you want to reconcile of not. If she tries tell her your attorney handles that. When you talk legal with her you show your hand and leaves her with the impression you want to bargain.
Posted By: Chitenator Re: sucks to be me - 01/17/14 02:54 PM
Thanks for the advice. I know I would not want to talk to her about any legal manners. Im just glad in utah they so frown upon adultry.
Posted By: Darkguy Re: sucks to be me - 01/17/14 08:57 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Thanks for the advice. I know I would not want to talk to her about any legal manners. Im just glad in utah they so frown upon adultry.

YAY!
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: sucks to be me - 01/17/14 09:24 PM
Originally Posted by Chitenator
Thanks for the advice. I know I would not want to talk to her about any legal manners. Im just glad in utah they so frown upon adultry.
Yes they do!!
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