Didnt use MB principles properly , and guess what? - 08/12/13 05:03 PM
It has been a very long time since my last post. I was here 7 years ago, in the aftermath of D-day, trying to make sense of it all and survive.
My H and I went to MB weekends, we worked with Steve Harley and we half heartedly worked the program. At the time, I was the buyer, you see. And my H did as little as possible to give the illusion of care. Eventually, I got tired of trying. Tired of dragging my H along. So I stopped.
Its 7 years on and we have been limping through a dissatisfying, unhappy marriage. My H still does a great job of giving the illusion of care, but it never seems real or genuine to me. I myself have become bitter and unhappy. Even I don't want to be with me. I am not healed, we are not recovered.
Several months ago, I started to get an uneasy feeling from him. He was more distant than normal, I was catching him in little lies. Nothing big, mind you. Just enough to make me uneasy. Lies of omission, like " When you were out, I had a beer" Not saying that "I went to a bar and had a beer". When I confronted this piece of PA mastery, he said it was "details" and he is a very linear thinker and didn't think to mention the additional details.
I installed a keylogger on his computer. There was nothing until yesterday, when I saw him googling old lovers and girlfriends. I should add that this was how his A started 7 years ago. Looking someone up online.
I confronted him and he flipped. I am sneaky, he says. How dare I put spyware on his computer. He cant be with someone this dishonest, he says. It was innocent, he says. He just wanted to see if these old flames were still alive ( bizarre ) and out there.
I am simply terrified that he is a predator. Ive always worried that he just doesn't seem genuine. At times, he is incredibly empathetic and caring and other times, he is cruel, mean. His emotions feel faked to me.
So, I ask you, good people of MB. Help me to restore my equilibrium. Ive lost the sense of "is this real, and valid or is this just me overreacting"?
I told him the only way I could stay is if we started working w Steve and following MB again. Its a waste of money, he says because he KNOWS what Steve is going to say. He said He knows Steve is going to say that my H has reset the D Day clock to day zero, that he didn't exhibit care, blah blah and that I want to call Steve because he is always so sympathetic to ME and that Steve thinks HE is the bad guy.
My god, this hurts.
My H and I went to MB weekends, we worked with Steve Harley and we half heartedly worked the program. At the time, I was the buyer, you see. And my H did as little as possible to give the illusion of care. Eventually, I got tired of trying. Tired of dragging my H along. So I stopped.
Its 7 years on and we have been limping through a dissatisfying, unhappy marriage. My H still does a great job of giving the illusion of care, but it never seems real or genuine to me. I myself have become bitter and unhappy. Even I don't want to be with me. I am not healed, we are not recovered.
Several months ago, I started to get an uneasy feeling from him. He was more distant than normal, I was catching him in little lies. Nothing big, mind you. Just enough to make me uneasy. Lies of omission, like " When you were out, I had a beer" Not saying that "I went to a bar and had a beer". When I confronted this piece of PA mastery, he said it was "details" and he is a very linear thinker and didn't think to mention the additional details.
I installed a keylogger on his computer. There was nothing until yesterday, when I saw him googling old lovers and girlfriends. I should add that this was how his A started 7 years ago. Looking someone up online.
I confronted him and he flipped. I am sneaky, he says. How dare I put spyware on his computer. He cant be with someone this dishonest, he says. It was innocent, he says. He just wanted to see if these old flames were still alive ( bizarre ) and out there.
I am simply terrified that he is a predator. Ive always worried that he just doesn't seem genuine. At times, he is incredibly empathetic and caring and other times, he is cruel, mean. His emotions feel faked to me.
So, I ask you, good people of MB. Help me to restore my equilibrium. Ive lost the sense of "is this real, and valid or is this just me overreacting"?
I told him the only way I could stay is if we started working w Steve and following MB again. Its a waste of money, he says because he KNOWS what Steve is going to say. He said He knows Steve is going to say that my H has reset the D Day clock to day zero, that he didn't exhibit care, blah blah and that I want to call Steve because he is always so sympathetic to ME and that Steve thinks HE is the bad guy.
My god, this hurts.