In Desperate Need of Help!! - 03/19/14 03:55 PM
I would appreciate anyone�s advice. I�ve been married 30 years. 3 years ago, I had an affair with my first love (from when I was 18). He is also married. My husband discovered the affair, we were separated for a short time, he decided to forgive me and we agreed to rebuild our marriage. I thank God everyday that he was able to do that. I promised myself at the time that I would never, ever have the attitude of �why haven�t you gotten over this yet� because I was not in his shoes, feeling the pain that he felt, and I needed to give him space and room to get over this � no matter how long it takes. My problem, now, isn�t the length of time that he�s taken in �getting over this� � it�s that he refuses to get any type (Christian or secular) of counseling. He has no friends, literally. He has acquaintances, but he doesn�t confide in them. He�s a very private person, so I know that he�s dealing with this pain on his own. He used to lead 2 bible studies, so reading God�s word all of the time was rejuvenating for him. Now, he not only doesn�t read his bible anymore, he doesn�t even want to go to church. We used to have 2-3 couples that we were friends with (prior to the affair), but they refused to have anything to do with me after the affair was discovered, so in support of me, he separated himself from them. A noble thing to do for me, but I believe inwardly, he is blaming me for losing these friends. He makes no effort to meet new people and when I suggest that he join a men�s group or that we join a couple�s group, he refuses. He hasn�t made love to me in over 2 years. He says �he can�t�. That every time he begins, all he can think of is me with the other man. He�s drinking more (although I don�t believe he would qualify as an alcoholic). I�ve talked to him, to no avail. He won�t get help. We are further apart then ever, and I don�t know what else to do.