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Posted By: asil Husband fantasised over daughter - 09/14/14 01:50 AM
My husband of 7 years told me he had masturbated and fantasised over images of my daughter and that he loved her.
One day when he heard her say she was naked he uncontrollably ejaculated which prompted the revelation. He said this had been going on for 'some time', but that he loved me.
My initial reaction was that he should move out, however I told him that I would wait to see what a psychologist recommends.
After a series of six clinical visits my husband says hes cured, but there has been no definitive reason why he took the pro-active step. He did say it was my fault for making him do the laundry. He says he could not control his thoughts. I have not told my daughter as I do not want this to darken her life.
I am not sure if I can forgive or forget. I was completely devastated and disgusted. Allowing him to stay in the house goes against my inherent principles. I feel like a traitor to my daughter. I have lost all respect for him. I have lost all self esteem.
I have read all relevant topics and threads which has been extremely helpful but, while there are generic infidelity stories, I cannot find anyone with the same issue. I do not know what to do.
Posted By: MelodyLane Re: Husband fantasised over daughter - 09/14/14 01:59 AM
How old is your daughter?
Posted By: asil Re: Husband fantasised over daughter - 09/14/14 03:07 AM
She was 14 when this started although he says the image he has of her was when she was 11. She is 18 now
Posted By: MelodyLane Re: Husband fantasised over daughter - 09/14/14 03:26 AM
Originally Posted By: asil
She was 14 when this started although he says the image he has of her was when she was 11. She is 18 now


It doesn't seem like she is safe around him and she is certainly not safe not knowing. Has he molested her? Have you spoken to her about this? We know of many cases where a man has married a woman to get her daughters. This is not that uncommon.

If you will write to Dr Harley at mbradio [you don't have to go on the radio show unless you want to] he can give you some good direction. It is free, http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4200_radio.html
Posted By: asil Re: Husband fantasised over daughter - 09/14/14 03:36 AM
I dont think she is in any danger. This was a complete fantasy. She no longer lives at home as she is away in college. I will write to Dr Hartley. Thank you for your help.
Posted By: MelodyLane Re: Husband fantasised over daughter - 09/14/14 03:44 AM
Originally Posted By: asil
I dont think she is in any danger. This was a complete fantasy. She no longer lives at home as she is away in college. I will write to Dr Hartley. Thank you for your help.


Glad to hear she is away at college!
Posted By: indiegirl Re: Husband fantasised over daughter - 09/14/14 10:05 AM
Me too - but she still needs to know for her safety.

He can contact her at any time. He can even use you as the reason why they must meet. She should really know.

He may be telling you because the fantasy is reaching a crisis point where he can't control it any more.

He's fed the monster too long to be its master any more.

This is your chance to stop it. I am sure Dr H will give you good advice.
Posted By: x3954 Re: Husband fantasised over daughter - 09/14/14 10:20 AM
Jeez that is a sad situation for you asil. I hope for a peaceful solution for you and your family. Good luck not that it helps.
Posted By: Neak Re: Husband fantasised over daughter - 09/16/14 03:52 AM
Do you have any other kids? He really isn't safe husband material. I would advise you to have him move out asap so that when you tell your DD for her own safety, she sees that you've chosen her over a potential predator.
Posted By: indiegirl Re: Husband fantasised over daughter - 09/16/14 08:11 AM
I'd also be speaking to her so you can double check she wasn't groomed/abused.

One of the reasons for his confession might be to present himself as 'honest' and cover up what may emerge now she's out of the house. Little girls don't always stay little and quiet forever.

Its worth a double check - a full and frank discussion with her.
Posted By: Neak Re: Husband fantasised over daughter - 09/19/14 03:27 PM
How are you, asil?
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