Advice for a man who cheated and regrets it - 03/06/15 02:19 AM
Firstly, I am the one who did wrong. Through our 5 year marriage I have communicated inappropriately with other women. We have had intimacy issues early on and a lack of "undivided attention" time due to my wife having a son with Autism from a previous relationship and no support to allow us time alone. The situation came to a head when I took it further, and had sex with another woman. I am extremely remorseful and have recognised what led to my actions. I take full responsibility for the bad choices I have made.
I have treated what I was doing like an addiction. I liked the feeling I got from talking to other women. That being said, I have ceased contact with all I have spoken to, and the woman with whom I had sex with.
My wife has filed for seperation however we still share a house due to our work commitments / children and lack of outside support. She is adamant she wants to remain friends but is not open to us working things out. She says I have had plenty of opportunities to do so, and that she has tried for a long time. I do not believe either of us have really tried, however I do not blame her in any way. It was my actions that have cause the hurt and pain.
Things all came to a head on 11th February. She expressed today she doesn't so much feel hurt now, it is anger she feels. Understanding the steps of grieving, I feel she may heal to a point where reconciliation may be a concept she is open to.
So, I guess my question is... can you suggest what I can do until she may be open to reconciliation? I am trying to focus on love bank deposits and avoid withdrawals. I am working at showing her my reliability etc taking steps towards trust. I have expressed my attempts to understand how she is feeling as best I can, and continue to reinforce my love for her. It feels that often this is having the opposite effect.
What kind of things do you suggest?
I have treated what I was doing like an addiction. I liked the feeling I got from talking to other women. That being said, I have ceased contact with all I have spoken to, and the woman with whom I had sex with.
My wife has filed for seperation however we still share a house due to our work commitments / children and lack of outside support. She is adamant she wants to remain friends but is not open to us working things out. She says I have had plenty of opportunities to do so, and that she has tried for a long time. I do not believe either of us have really tried, however I do not blame her in any way. It was my actions that have cause the hurt and pain.
Things all came to a head on 11th February. She expressed today she doesn't so much feel hurt now, it is anger she feels. Understanding the steps of grieving, I feel she may heal to a point where reconciliation may be a concept she is open to.
So, I guess my question is... can you suggest what I can do until she may be open to reconciliation? I am trying to focus on love bank deposits and avoid withdrawals. I am working at showing her my reliability etc taking steps towards trust. I have expressed my attempts to understand how she is feeling as best I can, and continue to reinforce my love for her. It feels that often this is having the opposite effect.
What kind of things do you suggest?