I started posting here in 2006 when I discovered my husband was having an affair.

I doubt there are many here left that remember me. But it was a long and arduous journey.

I'm here, after a long absence, just to say that, after nine years of trying - my marriage failed.

It failed because, no matter what I did, no matter what kind of help I tried to give him (and us) - nothing worked.

And so, I got my courage up - and I left.

I waited for the youngest to turn 21.

I am walking through fire right now. Living in a makeshift bedroom/storage area at my mother's apt. Using a borrowed car. I was a SAHM and so I have no real work experience other than this 20 hour clerk job I have.

Anyway, for everyone who finds themselves here - my heart aches for you. It's a horrible journey that no one deserves. And I'm not sure that you ever really get over it.

I don't mean to discourage you. For many, recovery works.

I do wish everyone the best.

Hi rltraveled, welcome back. Can't say I didn't see that coming. If I remember right, your husband wasn't on board EVER. In that case, divorce is the definition of success.

Welcome back.

Sorry to hear of your D, but reading back it looked like your WH never was on board.

Do you talk with your brother? Did he ever end his affair?

I've concluded that he is a malignant narcissist. He was given many graces and rejected them all.

As for my brother, that affair ended almost the day I ratted them out. A year later, he met and then married a wonderful girl.

He did also later come and apologize to me.

So, happy ending there!

Then good riddance. You don't need to be someone's second choice/backburner/source of narcissistic praise/slave/...
You will feel better on your own, than trying to drag a non-cooperative person through life and pretend it is marriage.

MB does not mean marriage at all costs.
Please check out the articles about how to find the perfect spouse for you and "buyers, renters and freeloaders" in the articles section.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5068a_qa.html

I remember the name though not the story. Though I do believe you are now making the best decision for you. Good Luck.