When is it too late - 11/26/19 02:51 PM
I'm so what new to this so bare with me. Back story:
I had an affair several years ago. My wife found out I ended it and have had no contact with that person since then. We stayed married for several more years after that, but never dealt with the "fall out" or healing after the affair, life just moved on. My wife tried several times I had no interest in working on things and just want things to go back the way they were and sweep all under a rug pretend it never happened. She stay with me and tried to deal with it on her own for years.
We have been separated for almost a year. Living separate. No contact unless it involves kids. We are polite and considerate to each other and each others needs/wants for/from the kids. I understand the mistakes I made I also felt that losing my wife was just "punishment" for what I have done to her, and I never fought the separation or her desire to be away from me. I messed up and this is what I deserve, and put myself in her postion and ask myself how would I feel/react.
What has me here now is a conversation I had with her last night, where she said that she has "let go" and "let go of control" and that she doesn't care what I do and that what I do is none of her business and she has just been getting in that mindset of letting go, and is to the point of she doesn't care anymore. She said she still care for my health and wellbeing, but that she doesn't have that "need" to ask me or question me "how am I doing or how am I feeling or what did I do today" Honestly I had noticed that and it didn't seem to bother me much, but when we had that conversation last night and she said those words to me, it hurt which shocked me. I wasn't expecting it to hurt and I wasn't expecting me to feel that way. After I was in bed last night and reflecting on things I realized I don't want this to be over. I don't want to lose her. I want to save my marriage. We talked 3 or 4o months ago and when saving our marriage was brought up she said it's too late and expressed no desire or save our marriage.
My question is, when is it too late? Am I too late?
I had an affair several years ago. My wife found out I ended it and have had no contact with that person since then. We stayed married for several more years after that, but never dealt with the "fall out" or healing after the affair, life just moved on. My wife tried several times I had no interest in working on things and just want things to go back the way they were and sweep all under a rug pretend it never happened. She stay with me and tried to deal with it on her own for years.
We have been separated for almost a year. Living separate. No contact unless it involves kids. We are polite and considerate to each other and each others needs/wants for/from the kids. I understand the mistakes I made I also felt that losing my wife was just "punishment" for what I have done to her, and I never fought the separation or her desire to be away from me. I messed up and this is what I deserve, and put myself in her postion and ask myself how would I feel/react.
What has me here now is a conversation I had with her last night, where she said that she has "let go" and "let go of control" and that she doesn't care what I do and that what I do is none of her business and she has just been getting in that mindset of letting go, and is to the point of she doesn't care anymore. She said she still care for my health and wellbeing, but that she doesn't have that "need" to ask me or question me "how am I doing or how am I feeling or what did I do today" Honestly I had noticed that and it didn't seem to bother me much, but when we had that conversation last night and she said those words to me, it hurt which shocked me. I wasn't expecting it to hurt and I wasn't expecting me to feel that way. After I was in bed last night and reflecting on things I realized I don't want this to be over. I don't want to lose her. I want to save my marriage. We talked 3 or 4o months ago and when saving our marriage was brought up she said it's too late and expressed no desire or save our marriage.
My question is, when is it too late? Am I too late?