Husband and affair - 10/23/20 12:38 PM
Hi y’all,
So my husband’s having an affair.
He moved out nearly a year ago “to think things through” after had a couple of stupid fights. I know he told some coworkers about it and obviously one listened a bit too attentively and my husband wasted no time and disappeared head first into that affair.
He’s had a complete personality transplant, everything that’s ever been important- me, us, our kids, our lives together, that he was so confident with, his job, friends, hobbies, himself - nothing mattered.
He even said he can’t control it.
I discovered and the affair was exposed in June 2020. I think it started to slow down a bit in August, he started to spend way more time with the kids, hobbies returned, he sometimes resembles himself, he has stopped talking about getting a divorce,) but they’ve been living together since October (signed the lease in Jun at the peak of the craziness).
I only recently read “How to Survive an Affair” and it offered great relief and understanding.
We still have some contact regarding the kids. He’s been quite mean for a while (I never bought it, though), but that crazy anger subsided. There’s less of that blind pushing forward, but instead, guilt. With so little contact it’s difficult to tell if it’s a blissful union or if he’s struggling or even having a depression, I often wonder if that’s the case for him. He is, after all, still in the affair.
My plan is focussing on my and the kids’ well-being until the affair dies. And then see what is possible in terms of reconciling our marriage.
Now with things getting close to a year and also the upcoming holidays I’m struggling a bit and I guess am looking for some encouragement that nearly all affairs DO die within 2 years.
I hope exposure and now living in real life will accelerate its demise. Is that realistic? Are there timelines for that kind of situation?
So my husband’s having an affair.
He moved out nearly a year ago “to think things through” after had a couple of stupid fights. I know he told some coworkers about it and obviously one listened a bit too attentively and my husband wasted no time and disappeared head first into that affair.
He’s had a complete personality transplant, everything that’s ever been important- me, us, our kids, our lives together, that he was so confident with, his job, friends, hobbies, himself - nothing mattered.
He even said he can’t control it.
I discovered and the affair was exposed in June 2020. I think it started to slow down a bit in August, he started to spend way more time with the kids, hobbies returned, he sometimes resembles himself, he has stopped talking about getting a divorce,) but they’ve been living together since October (signed the lease in Jun at the peak of the craziness).
I only recently read “How to Survive an Affair” and it offered great relief and understanding.
We still have some contact regarding the kids. He’s been quite mean for a while (I never bought it, though), but that crazy anger subsided. There’s less of that blind pushing forward, but instead, guilt. With so little contact it’s difficult to tell if it’s a blissful union or if he’s struggling or even having a depression, I often wonder if that’s the case for him. He is, after all, still in the affair.
My plan is focussing on my and the kids’ well-being until the affair dies. And then see what is possible in terms of reconciling our marriage.
Now with things getting close to a year and also the upcoming holidays I’m struggling a bit and I guess am looking for some encouragement that nearly all affairs DO die within 2 years.
I hope exposure and now living in real life will accelerate its demise. Is that realistic? Are there timelines for that kind of situation?