I need help.

I will try to explain the situation as brief as possible.

Married for 20 years. I was her first.
Found out in 2017 that she was chatting and secretly meeting a high school friend. Read all the messages (installed spy ware).
Nothing sexual, just attention grabbing and flirting. (Emotional affaire)

I found out, big fight. Made her cut it off and have no contact. She agreed to the terms. We both read dr Harleys book, did all the exercises and signed the ‘contract’.

A year later we got a son.
I believed all was well, but she’s still love with that guy and dreams about a life with him. He literally said he doesn’t have feelings for her and is not sexually interested. (I read the texts without her knowing)

A year ago I found out she’s back in contact with him. She’s much more flirty and even shares her sex fantasies with him. She tried to set up a meeting with him numerous times (unsuccessfully). I promised her in 2017 that if she ever contacts him again the marriage is over. So by my standards I should just end it. She initiated a divorce (lawyer and everything) but I managed to change her mind because I didn’t want to lose the house and regular acces to my boy.

I have cancer and I currently can’t live on my own. That’s a major reason why I didn’t kick her out of the house yet. She is staying because she can’t financially support herself. She still takes care of me out of pity.
I’m starting to think that she’s not mentally stable and has borderline personality or something.

The other man lives 5000 miles away, so it’s all virtual. I just can’t take this anymore. She gaslights me, she tells straight up lies, she dreams about having a relationship with this guy when I’m dead and the sad part is that he’s just playing with her. I know who he is and have his number. He’s on his third marriage and a known womanizer. I don’t want to contact him and make a fool out of myself. I don’t know his wife. I read messages where he even expresses admiration for me because of my health problems. From what I’ve read he sees her as a friend, but I know damn well that intersexual friendships are a lie.

Due to my health problems I’m literally stuck. I hate her so much but I want to spend as much time with my son before I die as possible. I don’t really wish to reconcile the relationship. I just play along and if my health gets better (very unlikely) I want her out as quickly as possible. I can’t follow dr Harleys rules anymore because I’m too ill (date nights, devoted time together, sex)

I exposed the new affair or whatever you call it to her family and friends but they choose her side. They think I would just let her have her fun because I’m dying anyway.

What would you advice me to do? This is severely affecting my physical and mental health.

Welcome to MB and I’m very sorry for what has brought you here.

Did you expose to the OM’s Wife? At least she could watch things on her end. I’m sure she wouldn’t appreciate another woman talking to her husband that way.

Have you thought about emailing Dr. Harley?

Was the book you read Surving an Affair?

Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. When your email question is chosen to be answered on the radio show, you will be notified by email directing you to listen to the broadcast. If you would like to consider being a caller, include your telephone number. You will receive a call to explain the procedure.

No, I don't know who she is and don't know how to find out.
Yes, that's the book we read.
I would be open to email dr Harley but don't want to be on radio.

You can email Dr. Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com and you don’t have to be on the radio.

Let us know what he says.