I am truly in love with my fiance. We have been together for three years, and we are at the point of marriage or break up. I am the cheater. I cheated on my fiance right when we began dating with my ex. I had no intentions and do not feel any attachment to my ex. However, should I tell my fiance before we get married. He is not the forgiving type and has always said he would NEVER put up with cheating. Although I am done with my ex NOW, should I tell my fiance to get rid of the burden I feel in my heart. I want to be with him for the rest of my life, and I dont want to lose him. What do I do?

Right when you began dating your fiance, you were with your ex? What do you mean by "right when we began dating"? You went out with him a few times? How long did you continue seeing your ex while you were also dating your fiance?

Going out on a few dates with someone does not obligate you to not see other people. If you were living with your fiance, or were seriously involved with him, or if the two of you decided to be exclusive, that would be a different matter. However, if when you say "right when we began dating" you mean that you two had gone out together a few times, I think you are being to hard on yourself by labeling yourself a "cheater".

How you should tell him, or if you are truly obligated to tell him really depends on the details.

Well...We had been on a couple of dates. This guy I "cheated" with was a controlling ex who very seldom let a day go past that he didn't need my "service". For me, when me and my ex were "cheating" it meant nothing to me. There was no emotion attached. I truly felt obligated...

Were you still involved at that time with your ex? Were you still legally married to him (if by ex you mean ex husband and not ex boyfriend) when you started dating your fiance?

I stand by what I said before, seeing someone else when you have only gone on a couple dates with someone doesn't equate to cheating. It's simply acting like a single person who is exploring her options. So please take the "cheater" hat off <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> .

As far as whether you should tell him? It sounds like your relationship with your ex was, quite frankly, abusive. Does your fiance know about this ex at all? I don't think you are obligated to tell him to be honest, if you stopped seeing the ex completely when you first started seeing your fiance. If you continued seeing the ex while your relationship with your fiance developed though, then yeah, you really should tell him. Wouldn't you want to know if you were him?

How long were you with your ex? What sort of relationship did you have? Your past relationships do have an impact on current and future relationships. Talking to your fiance about your past relationship(s) can give him insight into who you are, hiding your past can create a barrier. While I don't believe you have an obligation to talk to him about it (if you stopped seeing the ex before things got serious with your fiance), I don't think it would be a bad idea to discuss it with him, so he will understand you better.

And I hope that you understand now that you are not "obligated" to anyone for "service", your ex sounds like a real winner <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />