My husband's ex-wife is asking to move out of state and take their son with them. (child is younger than 12) To our knowledge, she doesn't have a job offer. She says she wants to move to be closer to her family.

That leaves a rather huge lack in visitation (obviously) and we have such concerns about this. The little one is in therapy currently and the therapist actually asked the mom for more visitation to spend with my husband stating it is better for the young one.

We have put up with her antics for years now and have done so because we believe we are making a difference in the child's life. He loves us and he's great with us. Apparently things are different at his mom's house, hence the therapy.

Our lawyer has told us that it is probably better to consent to the move rather than fight it because most often, the courts will approve the move anyway.

Oddly enough, the mom offered to lower child support to offset the cost of plane tickets. There is another thing....we have gone to pick him up for court appointed visitation and sometimes she's not there, she also makes plans for our visitation time (and of course, it's always the child's favorite sport, or involves in our opinion some sort of kid type thing where he's so excited we hate to 'force' our visitation), soooo, we're not even sure she will put him on a plane to visit.

We're just not at peace with this but the lawyer says that most of the time, we'd be fighting and spending money only to hear that they are authorizing the move anyway. I just feel sick about the whole thing. This little boy is great and we have just bonded and we truly believe we're making a difference....now, poof, she wants to move which in our opinion is just a move to get the child away from my husband.

99% of the time, after we have visitation, we'll get a voice mail, e-mail or text about this or that we've done wrong or whatever issue she can come up with. The therapist has determined that when he leaves our house for the weekend, he's excited and goes home to tell his mom about his weekend, and she finds fault and makes him feel guilty. I personally believe that is some of the very issues he is in counseling for.

UGH!!! this bites!

Sorry that you guys live in a state with such crappy family law. I'd spend myself into total bankruptcy in order to keep my kids in the same city. I'd also ask for the kid's therapist to be available to testify if necessary that removing the kids from one parent is a terrible idea.

Are you asking for advice or just venting?

Seabird..thanks! The therapist has already written a letter to the attorneys stating it wouldn't be in the child's best interest. We thought that would be good in our favor.

and yes, I'm venting...and always looking for good advice!

I understand. It's frustrating when I see either parent rolling over for an X's unreasonable demands and expectations. Especially at the cost of the children.

Wow. I think his mom is being very kind to reduce child support so that the boy can visit his dad and former mistress. You are in an affairage. Maybe you and your affair partner need to realize that son's need for therapy is because his dad ran off and married you.

I understand that the young one's mom has mental problems. His dad abandoning the family didn't help at all with those. I feel for the boy.

Wait, what??? Is that what this is? REALLY???

Here is part of her post from 12/07 when they were "engaged" because it sounds much better than living together.

"As for our dating and relationship...yes, it's too quick. We're not really engaged per se, I just called it that because it doesn't sound as sinful as saying 'my live in boyfriend'.... One thing I have learned over the years is that when you post you have to be prepared for whatever...

He did not divorce her because she is bi-polar. He spent many years trying to get her to a doctor, trying to get counseling, etc. He is by nature a very compassionate man. I think I have more trouble dealing with her mood swings than he does. He is the one who filed for divorce, however, as we all know on the MB website that there are MANY reasons for divorce.

Yes, I know our dating consistutes adultery even though they were separated. I know that. I know in my heart that I did not cause their demise. I also know how it 'looks'."

She knows in her heart that their adultery did not cause the demise of the marriage. Just like they all say. Ho-hum........

But it bothers me that she claims to be such a good Christian. YUK!!!!!!!!!!!11

And please note that dad ran off and married his mistress, leaving his son with the mentally ill mom. And now they wonder why the boy needs counseling.

This worries me because a child support ORDER (signed by a Judge) cannot be verbally negotiated this way. It can, but it won't be enforceable unless the Judge signs off on it.

What happens is, an under-the-table agreement is made and the non-custodial parent goes along thinking it's fair. Later the custodial parent comes along (when they get mad about something) and sues the other parent for back child support.

What agreement Judge?

Just make sure that all your t's are crossed and your i's are dotted before agreeing to anything.

Personally, I can't see a Judge allowing a custodial parent to move any distance without insuring that the non-custodial parent's rights to the child are not undermined because of the move. Sometimes visitation can be changed to accomodate that (i.e., a month during the summer), particular holiday weekends, etc.

ok I don't know what state you live in but here in Mi. you can't live more than 100 mi away from the other parent. Just remember think of the child and what is good when anything is done about anything and like always trusting how you feel deep down in your gut is a good thing.

And as for Believer what gives your the right to attact her like you did? She was asking for help about the child and we all need to be there for each other and think about our kids. She didn't post anything about her and her hubby and his X if it was in another post then you should make your commonts in there not here.

Spitfire - Sorry the truth upsets you. It bothers me when people have affairs, have no consideration for their kids, and then complain that the kids are having problems.

I can understand that it up sets u but that isn't what this post was about. U ever heard of if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all. And like I said its in the other post that you needed to say something in not this one.

Spitfire, thanks. When I first read believer's comments I was very startled and felt attacked. However, I have been on MB for quite some time and most of that was on the pregnancy/child forum and the private forum. Things can get quite heated on those boards as well and one thing for sure is that when you post on an internet site you have to be ready for any kind of comments. And no one should really judge because one, it's not our place, and two, you only see one side of it.

When I began dating my now husband, he was separated and while I know how that looks (and even in those previous posts some said they would never date a separated person and some actually had the nerve to admit that they had) and it is considered adultery legally, I understand how many would look at this on this website. I am thankful that God is bigger than people and he had grace and mercy even on our stupidity. Believer is entitled to her opinion and even her method of communication although it seems a bit harsh.

On a different note, we are seeing his lawyer next week and are going to fight her leaving. His son is a completely different child with us than her. He is awesome. His behavior is great, he plays, we have family outings, and we do not want him to leave the state.

It is unfortunate that his mother doesn't stay on her medications and bi-polar is a very confusing disease for the family in general, not to mention a young child, when they aren't consistent with meds.

Anyway, thank you for your thoughts!!!!

Your welcome I just didn't think it was right for believer to do what she had done. And like they say if you judge others you will be judge at the end, and believer will be judge at the end.


And as for someone coming into a marriage and breaking up the family I know how it feels when my X left me he went running to his now wife. But I held my head up high, and said if my kids like her that is all that matters. I wasn't going to go and fight with her and my X and hurt my kids, I choose to let him go when I knew it was over. I love my kids more than I loved him and will do anything for my kids. And now my kids know what I did and what I do for them. I made our divorce simple and fast for our kids.