"We are all wired for affairs" - 07/30/11 04:24 PM
It's one of those key phrases within MB literature. It comes up over and over again on the forums.
Some people [censored] their heads when they hear it, and go "Huh, I guess that's right!"
Some people vehemently deny it, angry and retching at the the mere mention of it.
Some have coined it a "Harleyism."
It. Is. Not.
Reading, digging, researching... this idea that we are all "wired" for infidelity comes up again, and again, and again. Until today, if anyone other than Dr. Harley made mention of it, I would anger up and say "Screw you! You are attacking marraige! You are assaulting my lifestyle!"
Until... until I figured out that this piece of information is NOT doing either of those things.
Oh, how hard it was to let my virginal Disney princess die... but the more I look, the more I see... the more I know that all that I allowed to die was a fairy tale.
This is the wiring. If you KNOW the way a machine operates, you can manipulate it to work against the programming. We are wired to form bonds, to find the opposite sex desirable. Recognizing this, we can make interventions to avoid the complications involved.
I... uh... got nothing here. I think it stands on it's own.
Choice.
�People can do what they want but they cannot want what they want.�
Some people [censored] their heads when they hear it, and go "Huh, I guess that's right!"
Some people vehemently deny it, angry and retching at the the mere mention of it.
Some have coined it a "Harleyism."
It. Is. Not.
Reading, digging, researching... this idea that we are all "wired" for infidelity comes up again, and again, and again. Until today, if anyone other than Dr. Harley made mention of it, I would anger up and say "Screw you! You are attacking marraige! You are assaulting my lifestyle!"
Until... until I figured out that this piece of information is NOT doing either of those things.
Quote
Why? Because informed, realistic, bullsXXX-free relationships are richer, more intimate, sexier, and ultimately far more durable than relationships built on Disney-fed fantasies of virginal princesses, eternal bodice-ripping passion, and eyes that never wander.
Oh, how hard it was to let my virginal Disney princess die... but the more I look, the more I see... the more I know that all that I allowed to die was a fairy tale.
Quote
Look at it this way: sexual monogamy is like vegetarianism. Nobody�s denying that an all-veggie diet can be an excellent approach to life for many reasons, ranging from ethics to health to the environment. But all the evidence (our teeth, digestive system, diets of pre-agricultural hunter-gatherers, similarities to closely-related primates, anatomical comparisons with carnivores and herbivores, etc.) strongly indicates that Homo sapiens is an animal that evolved as an omnivore. That doesn�t mean living as an omnivore in today�s world is inherently better than living as a vegetarian or that choosing to avoid meat makes you inferior or foolish.
But it would be foolish to commit to a lifetime of vegetarianism thinking it�s gonna be easy. It won�t. Furthermore, it�s cruel and deceitful to teach people that our ancestors evolved as happy vegetarians, so any rumblings in your stomach as you walk by the barbecue are due to �original sin,� your weak character, poor cognitive development, or any other bullsXXX reason. No, you have that craving because you are a human being�an animal that evolved eating meat whenever possible.
Simple as that.
But it would be foolish to commit to a lifetime of vegetarianism thinking it�s gonna be easy. It won�t. Furthermore, it�s cruel and deceitful to teach people that our ancestors evolved as happy vegetarians, so any rumblings in your stomach as you walk by the barbecue are due to �original sin,� your weak character, poor cognitive development, or any other bullsXXX reason. No, you have that craving because you are a human being�an animal that evolved eating meat whenever possible.
Simple as that.
This is the wiring. If you KNOW the way a machine operates, you can manipulate it to work against the programming. We are wired to form bonds, to find the opposite sex desirable. Recognizing this, we can make interventions to avoid the complications involved.
Quote
The German philosopher, Schopenhauer wrote, �People can do what they want but they cannot want what they want.� [�Der Mensch kann tun was er will; er kann aber nicht wollen was er will.�] In other words, you can choose whether or not to arf those oints, but you cannot choose whether or not you�ll want to arf those oints. You will.
I... uh... got nothing here. I think it stands on it's own.
Quote
As I often say in interviews, just because you�ve chosen to live as a vegetarian doesn�t mean bacon suddenly stops smelling good. Vegetarians (and Jews and Muslims) who understand why bacon still smells good�despite cultural protestations that it shouldn�t�will be better at sticking to their chosen dietary restrictions than people who beat themselves up over what is a perfectly natural human response to the smell of bacon. Choosing vegetarianism doesn�t make you an herbivore; it makes you an omnivore who�s decided not to eat meat. That�s a different animal entirely.
Choice.
�People can do what they want but they cannot want what they want.�