“Do Waywards deserve empathy?” - 10/22/12 01:13 AM
�Do Waywards deserve empathy?�
I believe waywards do deserve empathy. Recently I have been told by other posters on this site that �Waywards do not deserve empathy� and that me suggesting they do is misguided and contrary to Dr Harley�s approach to divorce busting and marriage building. I�m certainly not an expert nor do I claim to have it all figured out. I�m seeking a better understanding of this idea and correction of my position if needed.
Why does this question matter? IMO if we inappropriately suggest to Betrayeds that their WS do not deserve empathy then the betrayed is more likely to lovebust when dealing with the WS. They will be less effective in winning back the love and commitment of their WS.
My understanding of the word empathy is the ability to put one�s self in the place of another, to understand and appreciate and have compassion for another person�s motives and their perspective. I�ve read 8 of Dr Harley�s 15 books including surviving an affair. I�ve read every article on the MB website I know of. I personally see empathy for waywards all over in Harley�s writings.
The waywards I read about in his books are most often regular, decent people who spend years with their most important emotional needs going unmet in their marriage who succumb to the temptation of having those needs met by someone other than their spouse.
True that waywards can be cruel and selfish and their behavior can be incredibly damaging to everyone around them � but they deserve to be treated like human beings � human beings who have lost their �way,� but still human beings. That means we don�t judge them, we don�t insult them, we don�t treat them with any less dignity or respect than we would any other human being.
To me every person deserves empathy. Being a wayward doesn�t change that.
To be clear, I don�t believe in being soft on infidelity by any means. Affairs are toxic, selfish, poisonous, inexcusable and destructive. They must be exposed and eliminated. But the affair buster should maintain their civility. The affair is the enemy, not the wayward.
I�m interested in hearing from the SAA community and getting help understanding if I�m way off on this.
BWS =)
I believe waywards do deserve empathy. Recently I have been told by other posters on this site that �Waywards do not deserve empathy� and that me suggesting they do is misguided and contrary to Dr Harley�s approach to divorce busting and marriage building. I�m certainly not an expert nor do I claim to have it all figured out. I�m seeking a better understanding of this idea and correction of my position if needed.
Why does this question matter? IMO if we inappropriately suggest to Betrayeds that their WS do not deserve empathy then the betrayed is more likely to lovebust when dealing with the WS. They will be less effective in winning back the love and commitment of their WS.
My understanding of the word empathy is the ability to put one�s self in the place of another, to understand and appreciate and have compassion for another person�s motives and their perspective. I�ve read 8 of Dr Harley�s 15 books including surviving an affair. I�ve read every article on the MB website I know of. I personally see empathy for waywards all over in Harley�s writings.
The waywards I read about in his books are most often regular, decent people who spend years with their most important emotional needs going unmet in their marriage who succumb to the temptation of having those needs met by someone other than their spouse.
True that waywards can be cruel and selfish and their behavior can be incredibly damaging to everyone around them � but they deserve to be treated like human beings � human beings who have lost their �way,� but still human beings. That means we don�t judge them, we don�t insult them, we don�t treat them with any less dignity or respect than we would any other human being.
To me every person deserves empathy. Being a wayward doesn�t change that.
To be clear, I don�t believe in being soft on infidelity by any means. Affairs are toxic, selfish, poisonous, inexcusable and destructive. They must be exposed and eliminated. But the affair buster should maintain their civility. The affair is the enemy, not the wayward.
I�m interested in hearing from the SAA community and getting help understanding if I�m way off on this.
BWS =)