I have been divorced for a short period of time. I had been married for 6 years and through some very painful events, I went through a GREAT depression. The hurt was unberable. Nobody really understood my pain except for my mom. My husband thought I should be admitted to the looney house with a straight jacket. He and his family were not there for me. Through all of this I had an affair, I know it wasnt right and believe it or not my husband did push me to it through his mental and emotional abuse when I needed him the most. I feel in love with the OM, head over heels. I seperated very soon and continued to see him. We had alot of good times and bad because he wanted me to be divorced so it would be right in God's eyes so he pushed me away for awhile telling me when you are divorced we can go from there. He basicallly took me away from my husband and during the time he pushed me away he slept with one of his old friends thinking that it could of been God's will with her, but he never told me til I was divorced and he said it only happend once because he was trying to forget me because he new our relationship was out of God's will. He says now he knows God can forgive anything and he loved me the whole time more than anything but was just trying to do what was right in God's eyes and he said he now that I am divorced he can commit to only me and he will never cheat again, he claims he loves me and has the whole time. Do I give him a chance? I know I deserve this because of what I done, but I know God forgives and I just wont to make all the right choices now. Do I give him another chance to start anew?? Alisa

Alisa<BR>I think you need to run as far away as you can from this man. Give yourself time to clear the fog from your past marriage. I don't like the way this man uses Gods Grace to justify his sins. Sounds like the devil in sheeps clothing to me. Take care of yourself and put some distance between you and this temptation. I think you know what's best, the fog is just clouding your mind.<BR>Good Luck!<P>------------------<BR>Later,<BR>B

Thanks for the advice Brent. I know you are probably right, but he says every time I remind him of him cheating I should think about when I slept with him while I was married and that has made him distrust me. This is a big mess because I live with his mother and we all go to the same church and my dad is the preacher and he knows about all of this. He truly acts sorry and remorseful about all this and swears he has loved me the whole time but just wanted to try to do it god's way.ughhhhh

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Alisa:<BR><B>but just wanted to try to do it god's way.ughhhhh</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I think you're right on top of it, Alisa. This guy sounds like a giant steaming plate of rat dung.<P>Bama<P>

Alisa,<BR>Wow, what a soap opera. I stand by what I said. I think you need a change of scenery. How old are you? How about going off to school or take a job in another state/town. Join the peace corps, circus or armed forces. Just being silly....but I think that you are surrounded with loving and faithful people, however your in conflict with the players involved. Does this make sense?? <P>Keep in touch. God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Later,<BR>B

Thanks Brent, yea I understand clearly what you mean. I have given him another chance which part of me wants to believe him and the other part thinks he is just like my ex and all the people who hurt me before. I am so confused!! He has been nice, but if I bring up what he did he gets furious and then brings out what I done to him while I was married. And I know I was wrong for that, I can admit that but still no excuse for what he did. I think it's only a matter of time before I see the light because when I'm around him all I think about is them two. I already have enough mental problems without clouding my brain with this mess. Thanks again Alisa

Hi Alisa<BR>I agree with Brent you can not use God as an excuse. You did the right thing by getting a divorce if you were with this o/m as long as you divored him for the right reason. He was with you at that time and slept with someone else the old saying goes two wrongs don't make a right. Follow your heart and listen to your mind they will lead you the right way.<P>Happiness comes from within<BR>Wishing us all well<P>.........JJ...........

Alisa:<P>Although I feel sorry for your illness, you apparently are still blaming your husband for his "emotional and mental abuse"---that made you have an affair.<P>You're still suffering with emotional problems (stemming from depression).<P>And you want to know if your affair partner would make a good potential mate?<P>The answer is NO!! He's completely unreliable. In fact, I would say that you are in that same pool---until you learn from your mistakes, and grow in your marital skills, and find that your depression is under control, I would suggest that you not involve yourself in a serious relationship.<P>I'd agree with Brent, a change of scenery would probably do you a world of good. To learn appropriate marriage skills, read the concepts on the website and see if you can master them. <P>Good luck and God Bless.

you feel now, like your h must have thought when you were unfaithful. The guy you're seeing now is trying to be controlling and manipulative. Although he seems nice now, he doesn't seem to have the skills for a lasting relationship. You need to get out of this fast, and try to be alone for at least a year to reflect on yourself. You sound very confused, and you should never step from one relationship staight into another. It spells out Disaster with a capital "D". Take care.

Gotta agree completely with others here! Take time. Get away and get to know yourself and what's important to you in your life. I can't see this new relationship having any lasting power. He doesn't seem to respect you and can't seem to get over what you did - with him as a willing partner!! Hypocrite is the word that comes to mind. And probably manipulative too. I'm sure it's a very difficult thing to do, but get out of this environment, now! You're too close to the trees to see the forest.<P>And no one 'pushes' someone into an affair! You can be pushed out of a meaningful relationship, but the affair was your choice. You have to accept that to gain some of your own self-respect back. People make mistakes - everyone. People can also learn to do the things so they don't continue to make the same mistakes. Solve some big problems before taking on some new ones...<BR>

Alisa - <P>Tell your boyfriend to can the God's-will stuff. People often are weak and stupid, and they often act weak and stupid. The important thing is do they learn from their mistakes? Are they becoming better people?<P>Can the "gosh, I've been hurt before" stuff yourself. People are different, they act differently, and they treat people differently. That's just the way it is - welcome to the lottery! If you stop kissing frogs, you'll never find a prince! <P>Both you and the OM have experienced many tumultuous emotions in the recent past - I'm not surprised that he had trouble "waiting" for you to be divorced - give yourselves a break. Had you both agreed at the time he slept with someone else that you were in a monogamous relationship with each other?<P>You probably do need a year or so to clear your mind and regroup before entering the dating game again. However (and I know this goes against the odds and the generally accepted views), I do think you should give him another chance. Meaning, you already know him, you think he's a good guy, he treats you well, so see where it goes! Just don't fall into another marriage for at least a few years...<P>The only reservation I have is when reading your boyfriend's God-talk used to justify his actions - regardless of what his actions are! That would usually indicate to me that he's a very weak, ignorant-minded person. If that isn't true, then continue to make SURE that isn't true and that he IS willing to take responsibility for himself. Otherwise, such a tendency would likely manifest in the future by his blaming you for whatever goes wrong, etc.<P>Good luck! <BR>Gobyfish<p>[This message has been edited by gobyfish (edited May 22, 2001).]

I agree with Brent and the others. Using the "God's will" thing is sick. Oh, how many times have I heard that load of crap. The things that have been done in the name of God or because somebody thought it was His will.<P>Lose this jerk. He's screwing with your head. Don't let him.