i have found this out after my wifes affair and I am confused. She never loved me for the 18 Years of marriage ,she told daughter I never loved her for the lenght of our marriage, told sis/inlaw her marriage is in good shape . She doesnt want a relationship that she has to work at. Being a good Mom and my wife wasnt good enough, she could have been somuch more.Was planning to leave while kids were out of town and leave note , these are the same 2 kids she would die for . When talking with her now about whats left and possible of our marriage she gets defenceive starts shaking , yelling that she is being pressured , refuses to see councler or at least will not say yes or no.<BR>wwhen she had problems with me during our marriage she woldnt say anything to me about , because she didnt want to burden me with here problems, she was affraid of me , didnt you see me crying you should have known ther was something wrong. <BR>She has moved out of the house , kids are with me , she does not live w/om but sees him plenty, what am I up against<BR>is ther a chance to salvage this , I still love her and want her back , Kids still love her but are concerend about the lies she tells them . Is ther any one out there that can shed some light on this ?

Hi Colfax, and welcome...<P>I am sorry for your situation. As for "what's up", sounds like you are getting a major ear-ful of affair-speak. Something about an affair causes people to say things like that are confusing, contradictory, etc. "You'll hear us refer to spouses being "lost in the fog"...<P>Anyaway, the typical affair doesn't last, and you may have a chance to rebuild your marriage, if you handle things well.<P>Here is a great place to start...be sure and read all the links.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html</A> <P>There is a lot you CAN do, and there are a lot of materials to help. There is also the option of doing some phone counseling with one of the Harleys here (click Counsel link at top of page for more info), which many people have found very helpful.<P>Oh, and I'd suggest you post on one of the infidelity bb areas (maybe General Questions) here on the Forun, as this bb gets little traffic...you'll get much more help over there.<P>Good luck--<P>Kathi